The ambulance arrived at the hospital pretty promptly, but they rushed Finn away to conduct some tests on him to show understanding of how much damage has actually been maintained from the fall. Ever since we've been here, I've been an emotional wreck and haven't been able to sit down so I've just been pacing up and down the waiting room, silently praying for some good news to be given in due course.
My dad is also here too, supporting me and trying to comfort me the best way he could. He tried multiple times to try and get through to Finn's parents but due to their busy work schedules, neither party picked up so he had to resort to the next best thing which was leaving a voicemail. I'd also text both Josh and Lauren to inform them on what's happened and they were both eager to come to the hospital, but I told them not to because the likelihood would have just been a wasted journey.
"Why don't you come and sit down, darling?" I heard my dad say, but I just shook my head profusely. "Pacing up and down isn't going to help."
"Neither is sitting down!" I yelled, annoyed at his reasoning to my behaviour. "I'm sorry," I apologised, knowing shouting at him was uncalled for. "It's just...why haven't we heard anything yet? We've been here almost two hours already and no-one has been round to tell us anything!" I raged, feeling frustrated because I had no idea what had happened to Finn.
Sitting down next to him, I felt him put a comforting arm over my shoulder. "I'm sure someone will be round soon to tell us something," I heard him whisper, more tears threatening to fall, which was strange considering I was practically all cried out. "Until then, try and remain positive. You know what they say, no news is good news."
***
It must have been around four and a half hours since we'd arrived at the hospital and there was still no news on how Finn was. There was still no show of his parents either so I told my dad to go and phone them again, feeling guilty for the fact that we're here and they're not. After several unsuccessful attempts again, he left another voicemail, not really knowing what else to do.
"I'm just going to grab a coffee from the machine. Would you like anything?" I heard him ask, allowing me to simply shake my head in response and with that, he disappeared to find a machine.
While he was gone, I began scanning through one of the magazines that was available in the waiting room, using the distraction to take my mind off everything else that was happening. I must have looked through nearly every magazine available when my dad arrived back, followed by a doctor who I recognised as one of the people who was looking after Finn.
Rushing to my feet, I didn't hesitate in asking, "Is everything okay? What's happened?" because the look on my dad's face didn't look very positive. "Please tell me he's okay..." I faltered, hot tears beginning to brim at my water-line.
Feeling my dad's arms wrap around me, the doctor began explaining everything to us both. "Finn has suffered multiple fractures, but he's in a stable condition. The main positive is that we don't believe any of his injuries to be fatal and we're almost certain that he will live," and at the sound of those words, tears of relief streaming down my face. "However, we're still running some more tests on him and we can't guarantee that there won't be any long-term damage or even paralysis."
"P-Paralysis?" I stuttered, wanting to know whether what I heard was right and it was confirmed when I saw the doctor nodding. "Wait a minute, are you trying to tell me that he may never walk again?!"
"I'm sorry. I know that's difficult to hear but until we've ran a few more tests on him, we cannot rule it out." He sincerely responded and it felt like my body was on the brink of collapsing.
"C-Can I see him?" I whispered, unsure about whether or not the doctor actually heard me.
"Once all the tests have been conducted and we know that he's comfortable and still remains stable then I don't see why not. I'll come and get you when we're ready. Again, I'm sorry I couldn't bring more good news." The doctor responded before walking away, leaving myself and my dad to come to terms with the news.
At this very moment, all I felt was numb. Numb at the prospect of Finn potentially being paralysed but also numb at the fact that I don't even know what me and Tariq are anymore either. Technically, I'm still in a relationship with him and even though he told me we were over back at the bridge, was it said in the heat of the moment?...I'm not entirely sure.
It was as if reality had read my subconscious mind because before I knew it, Tariq was standing in front of me, hands in the pockets of his baggy trousers and his head facing downwards, looking at the floor. "Tariq!" I squeaked, thinking this would have been the last place he'd have shown up at. "Wh-what are you doing here?"
"Felt guilty, innit?" He responded, still refusing to make eye-contact with me. "How is he?" Was his next question, which he asked rather timidly, worried about how I would have reacted.
"Uhm," Was all I managed to get out before my voice broke and even more tears fell, to the point in which I'd probably cried a river by now. "He's suffered multiple fractures and they're still running a few tests on him. The doctor has told us that he could potentially be p-paralysed." I continued, almost throwing up when I said the word 'paralysed'.
"Jeez...poor guy!" Tariq commented and I could tell that his concern for Finn was genuine. It was also within that moment that he finally looked at me, his brown eyes piercing. "Look, can we talk?" He asked reluctantly, worried that I might turn down the opportunity to talk things through.
"Sure." I smiled. "Let's grab a coffee first though, yeah?"
***
After grabbing a hot drink from the vending machine, myself and Tariq headed outside of the hospital and found a vacate bench on the grounds. I didn't want to go too far away in case more news about Finn came to light.
Taking a seat next to each other, we both took a sip of our drinks before Tariq looked at me, inhaling and exhaling a deep breath. "First of all, I wanted to say that I had nothing to do with Finn climbing up onto that bridge. He wanted me to go up there to prove that I loved you, but I wasn't prepared to go to extreme lengths like that. I'm sorry." He told me, his eye-contact with me not faltering.
"I know. He told me when I was trying to coax him down from there. Believe me, I don't blame you for what's happened to Finn. If his own pride hadn't gotten in the way, we wouldn't even be here." I explained, brushing a strand of hair that had blown into my face away. "And if anyone should be sorry, it's me. Finn was right when he told you that I was planning on breaking up with you, but I never wanted you to find out like that so for that, I apologise."
"Is that why you tried to stop me from leaving earlier on? Because you were planning on breaking up with me?" He queried, taking another sip from the paper cup located in his hand.
"Well that, and because I knew that Finn had something sinister planned. He sent me a text as well just before you left. That's why I called for help because I knew something bad was going to happen to you if I didn't. Guess the plan backfired, huh?" I laughed light-heartedly, even though I knew the conversation we were having was serious.
I watched Tariq's gaze fall from me and down to the ground. Letting out a deflated sigh, he looked back at me. "Can I ask you one question and I want you be 100% honest with me?" He questioned and I nodded, unaware of what question was coming next. "Did you ever truly love me? Because I really loved you Lindsay and in fact, I still do."
His words hit me like a truck but he's asked me to be honest with him so that's exactly what I'm going to be. "I loved being with you, but I was never really in love with you. We got together under such weird circumstances and for love to be true, it has to happen naturally which it didn't for us." I admitted, seeing his face drop. "If we're dealing with truths here, I also kissed Finn whilst we were together. It happened after you'd had that fight with him out in the school grounds. That's the reason he broke up with Trudi." I continued and I really felt like I was kicking a man whilst he was already down. "I'm sorry Tariq, but I can't help the fact that I'm head over heels in love with Finn...even though he's the biggest idiot I've ever met."
What he said was a bombshell. "Trudi told me about the kiss you'd shared with Finn," He whispered, his voice shaky. "Thing is, I didn't want to believe it was true so I just pushed it to the back of my mind, hoping that one day I'd just forget about it." He admitted and by this point, I genuinely felt like that worst human being in the world. "Why couldn't you have been honest with me, Lindsay?"
"I...I don't know. I was so confused by what and who I wanted at that point. I couldn't think straight!" I cried, fighting the urge to shed even more tears. "I never meant to hurt you like this Tariq, you have to believe that. I'd love to still be friends with you but if that'll be too difficult for you to accept, then I understand that." I suggested, giving him a chance to think about it.
As we were in the midst of our conversation, I could see my dad approaching us through my peripheral vision. "Darling, I don't mean to interrupt, but the doctor has just been around again to say that you can go and visit Finn." He reluctantly spoke, knowing that Tariq was upset and wasn't Finn's biggest fan.
"Thanks. Can you tell him to give me five more minutes please?" I asked, seeing him nod and with that, he headed back inside.
Once my dad had left, Tariq stood up from the bench and put his drinks cup in the bin. "You'd better get going. I bet Finn is desperate to see you." He spoke, turning on his heels to walk away but I stopped him by gently gripping his wrist. "Please Lindsay, I can't be around you right now. I need to decide whether being friends with you is something I want." He honestly responded, shrugging out of the very loose grasp I had on him.
Not wanting him to stick around any longer than he wanted to, I simply placed a small kiss to his cheek. "I'm really sorry things couldn't have been different. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me."
And with that, he left and I headed back inside, reluctant to see what state Finn was going to be in.
***
As I stood outside the door to Finn's hospital room, I began wondering about what I may see the other side. Am I going to be greeted with something rather graphic or would I have seen worse things on television? There wasn't even a window that I could look through to give me some kind of inkling.
Taking a deep breath in, I shakily placed a hand to the handle, pushing it down slowly to loosen it from the frame. Stepping inside the room, I was relieved to see that it wasn't as bad as I'd envisioned mentally. There he was, in a hospital gown, laying slightly propped up on the bed. A crisp white bandage was wrapped around his head and he had a clear, thin tube up his nose. I wasn't sure what the purpose of that was and I daren't ask any questions. He also had a blood pressure band attached to his arm and a pulse rate monitor clipped onto the end of his finger. They'd cleaned up all the blood and stitched up any visible wounds, making him look as presentable as possible in these kinds of circumstances.
Walking over to the bed, he turned his head in my direction, giving me a sleepy smile which I returned. "Hey you," I softly spoke, tears threatening to fall once again. "You're so stupid, you know that?" I whispered, wanting him to know exactly what I thought. "What exactly have the doctors told you?" I queried, not wanting to tell him something that he wasn't already aware of.
"That I may never walk again." He weakly responded, his face dropping at the thought. "I just wanted to prove the lengths I'd have gone too to prove my love for you. Guess I took it a step too far." He joked, a small chuckle escaping his lips.
"One thing I'll say about you Finn Sharkey is that you're never afraid to push yourself." I admitted, laughing along with him. "You gave me one hell of a fright. I thought I'd lost you at one point." I told him, my laughter now turning into tears, not having the energy to stop them.
"I'm sorry Linds. I never meant to worry you like that." He told me, taking my hand in his and rubbing comforting circles on the top. "Will you still love me? Even if I may never get the opportunity to walk again." He asked, staring at me ever so seriously.
"That's not going to happen, but if it did, you're going to need someone to help push you around." I smiled, placing my hand to his cheek as I caressed it, being cautious of the tube attached to him. "You don't get rid of me that easily, Finn." I whispered, placing a small kiss to his cheek, my lips lingering for a few seconds.
As I drew my lips away, I stared into those majestic brown eyes of his and it was as if I was falling in love with him all over again. "I love you so much, Lindsay." He told me and I couldn't help but smile at him.
"I love you too." I replied, placing yet another kiss to his cheek. "I'll come and see you tomorrow after school. Get some rest." I ordered, pulling my hand out of his as I headed for the door.
"I'll be thinking of you..." He cheekily replied, making me giggle as I left the room, pulling the door closed behind me.
After seeing him, I have every faith that he's going to make a full recovery and we can slowly get back to being the Finn and Lindsay that we once were...
...and I, for one, cannot wait!