Chapter 48
I'd never had a girlfriend before, that I was reaaaally into, so I never had to deal with the wanting your girlfriend, and knowing you could have her.
It was... pure torture.
Especially when I knew that Lexi planned on sleeping over my house tonight.
I picked her up for school and at least, for the good of my sanity, Tyler had snaked his way to the front seat, so Lexi was in the back seat pouting.
"So, Blakina, darling, I know you've missed me. Now that my gross gross sister's birthday is over, you're going to need to focus on mine."
"What did you call me?!" Lexi snapped at her brother, before kicking his seat.
"GROSS GROSS SISTER!" Tyler repeated, unbothered, and started to try to swap slaps at her from behind.
"Blake doesn't think I'm gross," Lexi said, and I caught her smirk in the rearview mirror.
And then I also noticed her playing with the zipper of her hoodie.
"You guys know I can see you both, right?" Tyler said, glaring at the both of us.
I kind of blinked, my eyes back on the road. "What?"
"When are you both gonna stop pretending your little goody goody two shoes so Dad can stop fanning over you, acting like I'm the only horn dog in the family?" the youngest Grayson whined.
"We've been nothing wrong in the eyes of our lord and saviour Jesus Christ," Lexi said, pressing her hands together like she was about to pray.
I almost rolled my eyes.
"Hey, you guys smelling this?" Tyler said, sniffing the air, while looking around himself.
"What?" Lexi asked.
"Your bullshit."
"I'll have you know that my virtue and hymen both remain intact," my girlfriend felt the need to mention.
"For the love of god, can we stop having this conversation while I'm driving?" I pleaded.
"Why? Because she's lying?"
"I'm not lying," Lexi replied sweetly.
I could probably say that I wasn't sure her virtue was that intact, but I kept it to myself.
"I can't wait, simply can't wait, for you two to slip up and get caught, so I can be the best son again," Tyler said.
"You're his only son. You literally have no competition for that spot," I pointed out.
The rest of the ride was just more of that, while I tried to stay focussed on the road while knowing full well with what kind of eyes my girlfriend was looking at me.
It was going to be another painful day.
For all the experience that I had, I might as well be a virgin. I'd never slept with anyone to give them pleasure, when I barely had any to begin with. I'd slept around to hurt myself, and punish myself.
I didn't actually know what to do so that Lexi would have the best experience. I was a little bit out of my depths here.
With all the rumours around me, at least one should have been that Blake Eaton had no idea how to pleasure a woman, so that Lexi wouldn't be totally surprised when I would disappoint her in bed.
The day was spent trying not to not just cave in to my girlfriend's demands, which were, honestly, just getting more and more ridiculous. I was pretty confident she didn't mean half of the crazy shit she was offering.
At least I hoped she wasn't. Or maybe I was.
Ugh.
Anyway. I suffered.
At the end of the day, it was only me and Lexi in the car back home because Tyler had soccer practice.
I put old songs on the radio to distract her, and that worked, for the most part.
No one greeted us once we got in the house so no one was there to distract Lexi, which was kind of annoying. The one time I needed my parents to be noisy.
Still, we needed to eat, so we headed in the direction of the kitchen and found Anita cooking dinner.
"Hey, where's everyone?" I asked.
"Your father is stuck at work and your mother had a meeting with her editor," Anita explained.
Lexi was grinning beside me.
"No need to set up the dinning room then, Lexi and I can just eat here," I said.
"Or in your room, we can just eat in your room too," Lexi offered, being obviously up to no good.
"No, let's not do that, let's eat here," I replied.
"What? You don't want any crumbs in your bed?" Lexi asked with a smirk.
I will murder you, I mouthed to her, making her press her lips together to keep from laughing.
"You know, once you're done cooking you can just go back to your place, and let us clean up. It's really the least we can do," I told Anita, who was mostly just ignoring us. She was used to silly antics when Josh spent a lot of time here.
"Oh, it's not trouble, you eat, I clean," she replied, waving the matter away.
"No, but, we should help," I pressed.
"No need."
"I insist."
"Just eat."
Lexi leaned in towards me. "Everyone is against you on this," she whispered.
We ate at the kitchen island while Anita cleaned up, chatting with us.
After we were done eating though, there was no more dodging it, so we headed to my room.
"Does your door lock?" Lexi asked as we went up the set of stairs that led to my room.
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Why?"
She looked back at me. "Because with our luck, Josh is about to burst into the room."
I snorted. "True."
"So?"
"It doesn't lock."
"I'll guess we'll have to live recklessly then," she replied, still with that smirk.
"Jesus," I mumbled under my breath, as we walked into my room. "So, should we do our math homework," I asked, to save myself a few more minutes of respite.
"I was thinking more about the chemistry one," Lexi said.
"We do need to do our homework, Pumpkin."
"Why?"
"Because we are high school students soon to be graduates."
"I just wanna get naaaaaked," Lexi whined, throwing her head back, making me burst into laughter.
"I'm not that easy."
She rolled her eyes. "Clearly."
I looked at her, studying her. "Was this how you were when you discovered M&Ms for the first time?"
My girlfriend chuckled, going to sit on my couch, dropping her school bag on the ground. "I do have a slight tendency of becoming obsessed with things that I like, you know, like listening two hundred times to the same song."
"I have seen you re-read books often," I admitted, a little thoughtfully.
"Stalker."
I had nothing to say against that. She wasn't completely wrong.
"So, homework?" I asked again.
Lexi let out an annoyed sigh. "If we must," she said, making a little wave motion with her hand.
So, we got our homework out, and sat in front of my coffee table, and got to work.
I liked this. Just sitting like this beside her in comfortable silence while working on something.
From time to time, I would ask her something about which equation to use, or how to get to the right answer, and it felt nice to do something familiar, something we'd done many times before.
Lexi wanting me was something completely foreign, and I was absolutely not used to it yet.
I had no idea what it was that kept made me think that we should not be going too far physically.
It was like I had some kind of mental blockage. Maybe it was trauma. Maybe it was just because I wasn't ready for more just yet.
My body definitely wanted more. But my mind and heart weren't exactly ready for it yet.
I guessed Doctor Boseman would still have a job for a little while.
Lexi dropped her pen, and closed her school book, before stretching her her arms above her head, obviously done with her homework.
"In the spirit of us being honest and open about everything. I've never actually seen a penis in real life," she suddenly said.
"Huh?" I just replied, kind of taken by surprise by the random revelation. It wasn't that surprising as a fact that. "Well, I guess that makes sense."
"So, I would be really grateful if we could rectify that."
I let out a pained laugh. "I really wonder where you get the courage to say all of this."
She shrugged, leaning back on the couch, never taking her eyes off of me. "Well, I work off the assumption that you're also attracted to me, and you know, want me, so there's not point in being coy about any of this."
"I guess I'm just so used at us playing around the attraction and just saying innuendos all the time that when you're really direct it still kind of surprises me," I admitted.
I had to be honest about my feelings. She was being honest too after all, about what she wanted.
"Do you want me to tone it down? If I'm being too much, you need to tell me," she asked softly.
I shook my head. "No, I don't want you to tone it down. I just don't know how to deal with my own emotions and attractions sometimes. It still... it feels a little wrong sometimes. For me. To want you."
"See, this is good. This is communication," Lexi said, motioning between us with her hands, "This is how healthy relationships work."
I smiled at her. "You're right."
It had been easy to say before, that I shouldn't love Lexi because I wasn't fixed yet, that I still had issues and trauma, but no one was ever really perfect, at least that's what I thought. It had been a good way to keep hurting myself and isolating myself to think that way.
But being with Lexi now, I could see it. It was okay to love her and to be loved by her. As long as we talked like this. As long as I didn't put the burden of fixing myself on her, this could be okay. This could be good.
Lexi turned a little, to face me as she kept talking. "I think it's easier to take the lead too, for me, because you seem like you're freaking out most of the time. It's kind of like when we're doing something in gym class in pairs. Even if I have like no energy, I'm gonna become super pumped up if the person with me is less motivated. I become the motivator."
I narrowed my eyes at her, but half smiled. "Are you implying that I'm not motivated to have sex with you?"
Lexi laughed, "No, not really. I just mean, I'm good at taking the lead when the other person needs a little push. If you were more confident, I'm pretty sure I would be shyer about all of this."
"So, what you're saying is that it's a good thing I'm always slightly freaking out?" I asked and chuckled.
"Yeah," she grinned.
"I'm not freaking out because I don't love you, I hope you know this," I told her, wanting her to know this. "It's because I love you so much, and it's all a lot for me. I never thought you would be attracted to me. I never thought I'd get to see any of you or touch any of you. So, it's like a lot for me to process. And I'm also realizing that my previous experience were more traumatizing that I realized."
She nodded, smiling at me, taking my hand in hers. "It's okay, we can create better experiences for you together."
I looked at our hands, a smile on my face. "Thank you."
"As a fair warning, I'm going to keep pushing you all the time, just because I enjoy it when you get all flustered. I like seeing the effect I can have on you. So, if it gets to much, you have to tell me."
"Alright," I replied.
We smiled at each other.
Yes, this could be good.
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Happy Monday my little Pumpkins! :D
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I want Blake and Lexi to keep on having these kinds of talk without necessarily having them became something, ya know, naughty. Communication is key to healthy relationship! ;P
Also, sorry about the upload time. Last week was earlier, and this week was later. I was in Wrexham at a Kings of Leon concert last night and got back to my hotel room super late because the police and people at the train station had no idea what they were doing, and it was a meeeeess. XD So, when I finally got back, I kind of just collapsed in bed. So now, I am writing this to you in a train on my way to London. I'm going back home on Wednesday. When there is a strike on most trains. Getting from Notting Hill to Gatwick before my flight at like 11AM is gonna be... a challenge. Let's all hope very very hard that everything goes well with the buses. :')
Alrighty. I'll try to write more now. Or potentially fall asleep on the train. Two very plausible options.
See you all next week, when everything shall be back to normal! XD Thanks for reading! <3