2022 showed so much promise but then Barcelona lost in the champions league final, your girlfriend moved to Pachuca then she got injured, your best friend got injured and Spain got knocked out of the euros in the quarter final.
You wanted to go to Mexico straight from England but Jenni told you that she needed time to settle in and get to know her team mates before you came to visit. You hadn't seen her since the game against Italy and now you wouldn't see her until the national camp in September.
As soon you entered the facility in Las Rojas you have an extra pep in your step as you all but ignore your team mates who are in the lobby in favour on going to your room one that, like always, you would be sharing with Jenni.
"Baby, I have missed you" you say as you swipe the key to your room.
You don't see her but you see a bag on the bed closest to the door, the one you always keep empty.
"I saw you yesterday but I missed you to, I guess" Irene replies as she exits the bathroom.
You loved Irene like a sister. The two of you really bonded at the euros with you been room mates for the tournament.
"You're not Jenni" the look of disappointment on you face could no be hidden.
"I overheard Lola swapping the rooms around when I arrived. You should be happy that I was there, they had you sharing with Esther"
You fall back onto the back. The tensions were high in the team at the minute and the relationship between you and Esther was rocky to say the least with the two of you constantly butting heads during the summer.
"This camp is going to be bad Irene, really bad. I don't know how much more I can take"
She takes a seat next to you on the bed.
"We are doing what is best for the team, remember that. Now let's go downstairs so you can see your girl. I'm not having another camp with moody sexually frustrated Y/N"
You can only laugh at her comment.
When you enter the lounge area you feel your body relax when you she Jenni. She is sat with some of your Barcelona team mates. It frustrated you a little bit, the fact that she didn't come see you after she unpacked but you choose to let it go knowing that you are probably overthinking it.
You reach for her shoulders placing a quick kiss on her hairline. You take a seat next to her and the pressure you were feelings minutes ago vanish. You had Jenni back even if it was only for just over a week.
"Hey that's my seat" Lola says as she approached the table, two coffees in hand.
"Take another one Lola. I haven't seen Jenni in months" you plead.
"Neither have I, I have missed my best friend" Lola replies clearly not wanting to back down.
This is one of the things you were dreading about this camp. You knew that you would have limited spare time and you wanted to spend every minute of that with Jenni however you knew you wouldn't be the only one wanted this. Jenni moving to Mexico means that it isn't only you she is reunited with but all her friends too.
"Y/N! Irene! Jorge wants to speak to you"
The whole table looks at the you. During the time between the Euros and the start of the Liga F season, the two of you as well as some of the other players voiced your opinion on Jorge's coaching methods and the way he treats the team. You had the teams best interest at heart but he along with some of the higher ups did not see it this way this leading to a rather tense national camp.
You don't see the team again until the afternoon training session. The Spanish sun is beaming down on the pitch and even though the team is used to the heat, you are all dripping in sweat.
"Y/N! go again! Those shots are sloppy" Jorge shouts from the sidelines.
Jenni watches from where her and are the other girls are taking their drinks break. Time and time again your shots hit the back of the net, Sandra doesn't stand a chance of stopping any of them. She can tell that you are getting more frustrated with every strike as she sees the power of your shots increase.
"Is this what it was like during the summer?" Jenni asks the group.
"He was worse. After Alexia's injury he put all the pressure on the Y/N. If we performed well, she could have done better and when we performed badly or lost then he blamed Y/N's lack of leadership on the pitch. They had a huge argument after the England game but she didn't talk to any of us about it. What did she say to you Irene? You were the one that shared a room with her" Leila tells her former team mate.
"It was hard for her but you know this" Irene looks at Jenni, keeping her response short but she get her point across.
She saw a different side of you throughout the Euros. She saw what you were like without Jenni which is something she hasn't seen for a while. She saw your change in mood when you couldn't talk to your girlfriend because of the timezones.
After training you stay out on the pitch of your own volition. Jorge's words of discouragement rang through you head on a loop. Jenni on the other pulls Irene aside as they make their way back inside.
"What did you mean earlier? Y/N hasn't talked to me about any of this" Jenni asks slightly confused by the defenders choice on words.
"She missed you Jenni. I was there when she tried to call you and you said you didn't have the time, it hurt her. She went through a lot, she didn't have you, she didn't have Alexia and none of us could fill the void that you two left"
"How is Alexia?"
"Really? I tell you that and you don't care about your girlfriend. Unbelievable"
Jenni knew that it wasn't the best thing to ask but things haven't been the best as of late, the distance between you has taken it's toll on your relationship and she feared that if she were to ask about you then she wouldn't like the answer.
"Talk to her Jenni, she needs you" those are Irene's last words.
Deep down Jenni knew that Irene was right but she wasn't ready for the outcome of that conversation. In her head she feels it would only end one way and she wasn't ready for that.
That night you are the last one down for the team meal. The table Jenni was seated at had no empty chairs so you sat with some of the Real Madrid players. You are talking to Misa about possibly doing some extra sessions with her when you feel a presence behind you.
You don't need to turn around to know who it is, your increase in heart rate lets you know who it is.
"Hi" Jenni says as you turn to face her.
"Hi" you mimic her greeting and you feel uneasy at the tension that had grown between you.
"Can I talk to you?" She asks.
You stand, telling Misa you that will catch up with her later before leaving with Jenni.
Nervousness radiates from her as you walk the halls of the facility.
"What's wrong?" You ask at you take a seat in the outdoor area.
"I haven't been a very good girlfriend and I want to apologise"
You are caught off guard by her apology but remain quiet. Jenni was right but you didn't want her to feel any worse than she already did.
"I think I made a mistake" Jenni confesses.
"We both did" you mumble under your breathe.
"Que?"
"Nothing, forget I said anything. It isn't important" You spoke truthfully. You had so much going on right now, an argument with Jenni was the last thing you needed.
"Y/N I know you are going through some things right now but you can talk to me" Jenni moves closer to you but as she reaches for your hand you recoil from her touch, something that hasn't happened before.
"No Jenni I can't. I tried to talk to you last month and you dismissed me. When I needed you the most you wasn't there for me and you had only been in Mexico for a few weeks. Do you know how stressful these past few months have been? I have been drowning in the pressure that Jorge has put on me"
"Y/N I was injured, it isn't my fault I wasn't in England with you"
"Alexia wasn't in England, her injury was ten times worse than yours but she still checked in with me everyday even though she was going through hell. You cannot use that as an excuse for turning your back on me, on us!"
"I didn't-"
"Yes you did. Take today for example, I have been looking forward to this day since we said goodbye. Do you know how it felt walking into the hotel room to find Irene instead of you. To hear that you are staying with Lola instead of me?"
"That wasn't my choice. Lola asked if I wanted to room with her and I couldn't say no, she is my best friend"
"And I am your girlfriend Jenni! Does than mean nothing to you?"
You outburst leaves Jenni at a loss for words. She can see the hurt on your face and she hates that she is the reason for it.
"Moving to Mexico was a mistake" it is all she can say.
You can only laugh at her response. You told her that she would regret the decision but that you would support her regardless.
"Yes it was. You turned your back on your team, on your friends, your family, on me and for what a bigger pay check? That's right, I know Barcelona made you an offer but you wanted more so you chose to move over 5,000 miles away just to spite them"
"How did you know that?" Jenni is shocked to learn of your knowledge.
"Because unlike you I wanted to fight for us. I had an event and Joan was there so I asked him what the situation was. Imagine my surprise when I learnt my girlfriend is a sell out"
"It's easy for you to say. You have just signed a 5 year extension, that is unheard of"
"I guess loyalty is rewarded" you are aware of how petty your response is but you don't have the energy to care.
"Like I said, we both made mistakes. Your mistake was moving to Mexico and mine was thinking this would work"
"Y/N, No! What are you saying?"
The seriousness of the conversation hits you like a ton of bricks. You eyes prick with tears whilst Jenni has tears rolling down her face.
"I don't know Jen, I can't be in a one side relationship. I want this, I want you but it feels like your feelings have changed. It doesn't feel like you love me anymore" your heart breaks as you say the last words.
"Y/N" You can hear the defeat in her tone "Is this it? Is this how we end?"
"No. I think we need a break. I need to focus on well, everything else and you need to think about what you want"
You leave without giving her the chance to respond deciding it is best to give her space. You are drained physically, mentally and emotionally. When you reach into your pocket for your phone you realise that you must have left it on the table along with your room key.
When you enter the food hall you try your best to go unnoticed, you could feel the tightness around you eyes and you could only imagine how red they must be.
"Y/N are you ok?" Patri asks.
"No, I'm not" you don't have the energy to lie "Have you seen my phone, I think I left it on that table but it isn't there"
"Misa gave it to Sandra, who is" Patri scans the room "Over there by the pool table"
"Thanks P"
You get you belongings from the Barca goalkeeper then leave for your room but Jenni stops you by the door.
"You deserve better Y/N" her voice is quiet as not to bring attention to the two of you.
"Then be better Jenni because I want you" you place a gentle kiss on her cheek before leaving.
Jenni watches you walk away. She knows that this is right thing for the two of you. She knows that she wants you but things are more difficult now and she isn't sure if the your relationship will survive the distance.
Days pass, you and Jenni barely speak unless you have to and the sadness you both are clearly feelings is picked up by the players around you. Lola has taken it upon herself to cheer Jenni up the best she can whilst Irene and Sandra rarely leave your side.
"I told her that we need a break. I have so much going on at the minute, I don't have time to worry about my relationship"
You and Irene are in your room getting ready for training. Your co captain has starting to worry about you even though you reassure her time and time again that you are fine.
"I know that are getting tense at the minute, we all feel it and you seem to be his punching bag which isn't fair but you can't let him ruin your relationship Y/N"
You ignore her words even though you know she is right but you cannot bring yourself to focus on anything other than the team. As if knowing what you are thinking Irene stares are you, it's the look you imagine her giving her son when he is being naughty. The thought alone causes you to crack up.
"So you do know how to smile?"
"Shut up!" You though a pillow at her. She is about to throw it back but you her someone banging at your door.
You open it to find Parti, Leila, Sandra, Lola and Jenni. All of them have concerned looks of their faces which causes an uneasy feeling to settle in your gut.
"What is it?" You ask not caring for pleasantries.
"It's leaked" you look at Patri hoping that she will elaborate "The meeting we have had with Jorge and the staff. They are saying we want him fired"
You go to you bedside table getting your iPad so you can see the report for yourself. Just as Patri said, it is all over twitter but they have got it completely wrong. This is what you feared, you never asked for Jorge to be fired, you just wanted the teams health and wellbeing to be considered a priority which during the euros it wasn't.
Would you mind if Jorge was fired, no but you never demanded it like some of twitter is saying.
"He is going to think one of us leaked it" Lola says.
"No" Irene says looking at you.
"He is going to think I leaked it" and as if he heard his name been mentioned you phone goes off, you receive a message saying that Jorge wanted to speak to you. "I have been summoned"
"Just you" Jenni asks and you nods your head "Let one us come with you" you shake your head.
As asked you meet with Jorge and some of the media team in a conference room. They let you know that as a captain you will be in the pre match press conference where you will back the team and show your support for the coach in question. When you tell them that you won't do it, that you won't lie to the world, you all but get threatened to be removed from the team. They give you a list of questions that you will be asked by news outlets close to the team such as Marca. You roll you eyes are the type of questions, you are known as an honest person who never shies away from the truth yet now this is exactly what you are been asked to do.
A couple of days later and it is the night before the press conference. Since finding out about it you haven't been able to sleep but you know you have to be camera ready in the morning so you skip dinner and team bonding in favour of getting a good nights sleep,
"Y/N Please let me in" Jenni says from the other side of your door. You hope that if you ignore her she will go away. "Irene gave me a key but I won't use it if you don't want me to. It's just that I'm worried about you, we all are. I know I am probably the last person you want to see"
That's the thing, she isn't. She is the person that you know will be able to be to calm you down but you also know she wont be able to do that without bringing out different emotions.
"I will wait out here for 5 minutes, I will set my phone's timer and if you don't come to the door by the timer ends then I will leave"
You rolls you eyes, letting out a small chuckle at your girlfriends resilience and although you are tempted to call her bluff you choose to let her in.
"You wouldn't have left after five minutes" you open the door moving aside so she can come in.
"No, I wouldn't" she confirms your suspicions.
You get back in your bed while Jenni stands near the TV not knowing where the two of you stand.
"What are you doing? We can still share a bed Jenni" you pat the place next you and Jenni lifts up the sheet getting in next to you.
"I wasn't sure if that was ok"
"We are still dating Jenni, you are still my girlfriend" you try your best to reassure her given that the two of you haven't talked about your argument since it happened.
"I want you to know that I have thought about what you said and I want to talk to you about it but not now. Right now I want to watch a movie and cuddle"
"I would like that"
Needing no more encouragement she holds her arm out and you snuggle in her side. You feel your shoulders relax when your in her hold.
You don't remember falling asleep but you wake up the next morning on your side with Jenni's arms wrapped around you. You look at the time to see that you have several hours before you are needed in the media room so you allow yourself to go back to sleep.
Your alarm goes off waking both you and Jenni up and for a split second things seem normal. With your eyes closed it is like you are in your apartment in Barcelona, the two are you getting up so you can go to training. The two of you get ready and go for breakfast before you have to leave for the press conference.
During the meal the press officer, the one that seems to be on your side, comes over to help you prepare. After finishing your breakfast you and her head to the conference room. You take your seat ready to be probed by the media but just before it starts the entire team comes in and sits down. You immediately feel the anvil size weight lift off your chest.
The questions are tough and as predicted Marca are doing their best to paint Jorge as a hero and you as the bad guy but your media training pays off as you keep a level head and answer the questions the best you can. It is when the other journalists start asking you questions that it becomes difficult, these weren't pre approved and they a clearly asking the questions that the rest of the world want to know. You can tell that you don't answer them like your coach or the RFEF would have wanted but you try your best, still you know that your weren't very convincing.
Your press conference last 10 minutes but you feel like you barely got to speak and you know that you just lied to the fans, this alone is enough to feel like a let down and as soon as you are out of the door Jorge is in your face.
"What was that? You did not do what we asked!"
"I answered the Marca questions like we agreed. As for the other ones, I did my best. I lied to the entire world so that you wouldn't look like an incompetent coach. You should be thanking me!"
"You don't care for this team. I won't have players on my team with your attitude!"
At the this point the rest of the team stand by and watch the back and forth between you and Jorge. Nobody knows that to do, do they stop it? If so, how do they stop it.
"You talk a big game Jorge but we both know the importance of public perception. Now correct me if I am wrong but now it is your turn to lie to the world, enjoy your press conference, you never know it might be your last"
You know you shouldn't have said that but the man was on your last nerve.
"Y/N" The press officer warns you.
"I know, I know. Will you let me know how the public reacts?" You ask her.
"Of course, I'll come and find you later. I suggest you find a way to calm down before you do something that you will regret"
"What about a movie night?" Lola suggests.
"Who's room?" You ask.
"Ours" Jenni answers.
"Give me ten minutes and I'll be there. Leila, you're not picking the movie" you joke in attempt to lighten the mood which in a matter of minutes became very heavy.
Most of them team spends the day in Jenni and Lola's room before going to bed so that they can get a good nights sleep before the game against Hungary the next day.
The game against Hungary ends in a Spain win, with both you and Irene scoring the first half. The crowd erupted when the balls hit the back of the net and you swear you have never felt more support during a match than in that moment. You aren't surprised when Jorge brings you both off at half time, you know it is a power move but you proved your point in the first half, he was well aware of this.
Between the first and second game things take a turn for the worse for Jorge and RFEF as the fans publicly support you and the rest of the players, they call the press conference staged and say that you were told what to say as you would never talk about the team the way you did which is what you tried to tell the media team when they came up with your answers. Irene did the second press conference which went went just as well as yours and it seemed to had fuel to the fire.
Jorge's ego took at hit during those days and he proved this much when he benched you and Irene for the game against the Ukraine and kept you there for the duration of the game. It was a breaking point for you though, you couldn't take anymore.
"I'm done" you throw your bag across the room and slam the door.
Inside your room stood Irene, Jenni, Patri and Sandra.
"I will tell them that I will not be returning to the national team until these issues are resolved"
"Y/N calm down. I know you are mad but don't do anything hasty"
"Patri, I love you but you have no idea what this last week has been like. I am going to lose my spot on the national team, I am losing my girl. It's all too much"
You bury your head in your hands. All of the emotions that you have buried down come to the surface and you burst into tears.
"Can you give us the room?" Jenni asks. The other three are shocked by your confession. They knew about the issues with the team but they had no idea that things hadn't gotten that bad between you so they happily give the two of you space.
Jenni pulls you into her arms which somehow makes it worse. She holds you and whispers words of comfort whilst you body racks with sobs.
"You're not losing me"
"Yes, I am. I lost you the minute you moved to Mexico. This summer was shit then I went back to Barcelona and for a split second I forgot you moved then when I remembered I starting crying in the middle of our apartment. It's just me and Andi"
"At least you have him" Jenni doesn't know what to say or how to fix the situation.
"But I need you Jenni"
"Y/N I-"
You sit up, wiping your eyes with the sleeves of your hoodie. You take a deep breath before turning to look at your girlfriend.
"I need you" you repeat yourself "I know that I cant have you the way I want you and I will learn to be ok with that but I need you to be there. I can't be in this relationship alone"
"This past month has been tough and I know I haven't been the best girlfriend but I will be better, I promise"
"Good and I know I haven't been great either but we survived your move to Paris, we can survive this"
"We will" Jenni says not knowing whether it is a statement or a question.
"We will" your tone is full of certainty.
You know that it will be hard but as long as you both are willing to put in the effort to make it work then there is hope for your relationship.