Mani.
I was extra excited. Today was the day I would finally have my first visitation day with my baby. I missed him so much, and even though I was grateful to be able to see him, I wanted him back home with me. I started on my hygiene; of course, then I put my hair into a cute messy bun. I put on these baggy black sweatpants and this too-big all-white t-shirt with Luffy and Ace. I grabbed my all-black 13s and slid my feet into them. I tied my shoes, grabbed my purse, and headed out. I opted out of eating breakfast at home because I wanted to get to the mall food; I couldn't wait.
I was happy Lynn asked me to go to the mall. It's crazy that they both ended up on the same day. I wasn't trippin though Lynn knew I couldn't stay long. There were so many things I wanted to get for Prince. I wanted to buy him more clothes, shoes, and toys, and today was perfect for that.
I got to the mall ten minutes before it opened. I couldn't believe how packed it already was. I'm so dumb. I thought people would barely be here this early. I was not fond of crowds but didn't want to reject Lynn's invitation.
My phone started ringing. I grabbed it off of my lap and looked at the caller ID, and it was Lynn. I picked up and said hello.
Yea, Mani, "where are you at? Lynn inquired."
I'm just sitting in the mall parking lot, waiting for it to open. Okay, "I'm pulling into the parking lot now," she said. They have a parking spot next to me; I said while opening my car door, where you at? I exited the car and stood in the parking spot next to mine so no one else could park there. I know it was selfish, but it was better for us to park beside each other. I saw Lynn's car and started waving my hand to get her attention. "Can you see me," I asked? Yes, she replied. Okay, I hung up the phone and then got out of her way so she could park.
Hey, cousin, she said after getting out of the car. Hey, "We have one minute until the mall opens.
"Girl, I can't believe it's this packed she said, shaking her head." I said neither can I, and I'm not too fond of crowds like that.
"What I didn't know, we can leave if you want to, she stated." It would be best if you weren't uncomfortable.
Nah, we're here already, and I want to get some stuff for my son, so I will suck it up.
Cool, and if it's too much for you, let me know, then we can leave,' she said.
"Okay," I replied. I ain't going to lie; I was very appreciative to Lynn for understanding instead of judging me. The minute had passed, and now the mall was officially open.
We had to walk through Macy's to the mall's center, where all the stores were. The first store we came to was Salis Boutique. "Come on, Mani, let's go in there," Lynn said. We walked into the boutique and walked straight to the plus-size section. They had some jeans, pants, and shirts I was already eyeing. Lynn was picking up everything. She had at least ten hangers of clothing folded over her arm. Lynn was now looking at some dresses on the rack when she called out to me. Mani, "Come here she said," waving for me to go in her direction. "Girl, this dress would be so bomb on you," she said, holding the dress up to my body. It was an ankle-length, black maxi dress. It had a deep v and looked like it would be tight and snug. I was silent for a minute because I didn't know how to tell her that dresses weren't my thing.
Hey, are you alright she said.
She dropped the dress to the ground because her hands were too full. Yea I said, Picking the dress up, but my shape will not look good in that dress.
Girl, trust me and try it on. I decided to comply with her and headed to the dressing room.
Come out, mani, so I can see Lynn shouted out to me. I was so uneasy, so I didn't move a muscle. I was looking in the mirror, and I had to admit the dress looked pretty on me. It even complimented my shape, but I didn't dare to wear something like this in public. 'Mani, are you finished putting the dress on?" Lynn shouted again. "Yea," I replied. I took a deep breath and said, "I'm coming out now."
I walked out of the dressing room and instantly began sweating. I couldn't calm my nerves down thinking of the looks people would give me. Oh my god, "Girl, look at you, Lynn said," walking up to me. She lifted my hand in the air, then spun me around to get the full 360 view. Girl, you look too cute talking about you don't got body. You're right, though, Lynn said you don't have body; you got bawdy. She said, elongating "aw".
I was smiling from ear to ear. Lynn was really making me blush. I had never got compliments on my body before, and I can't lie; it felt good. "Girl, imma get you this dress in a couple of colors, and you better wear them, "she said while walking off. I returned to the dressing room to put my clothing back on. I looked in the mirror again to look at the dress. It was nice on me, but I wondered if I would ever be bold enough to wear it or if it would collect dust in the back of my closet.
"Your total is three-hundred seventy-eight dollars and fifty-nine cents," the worker said. I was shocked. I turned to Lynn and shook my head because this let me know she wasn't the right friend for me. Don't look at me like that, she said with the guiltiest look. I just busted out laughing. She started laughing her ass off too. "I'm no longer coming to the mall with you," I said. Yea, whatever she said. We walked out of the boutique and entered Kid's Footlocker. I wanted to get him at least three or four pairs of shoes.
The first shoes that caught my eye were these white and blue retro 13s.
Lynn and I both agreed that they were fire. I called the store attendant to ask him if they had them in his size. Lynn grabbed some white, red, and black retro 7s. They were hella nice, so I asked him to check and see if those were in his size too.
While waiting for the store's attendant, these guys walked into the store. They made me really anxious because they were walking in our direction. I hurriedly turned back to the wall and finished looking at the shoes. "What's up with you, love?" I heard one of the guys say.
"Who?" Lynn said, turning around to face him. You, he said and walked closer to her personal space. I just kept looking at the wall and was too nervous about turning around. Lynn started laughing, "What are you laughing at," the dude questioned? "It's just you in my personal space, and I don't think my girl will appreciate that," she said.
"Yo girl?" He said it while I was thinking about it. Yea, my girl, she said, wrapping her arm around my shoulder and then turning my body. Now I was also facing him. "That ain't yo girl," he said, mean mugging the hell out of me. She is, Lynn stated, so no, I'm not single. Whatever, fat ass bitch he said, walking away. I was the same fat bitch a second ago when you were trying to holla at me, lame ass nigga Lynn snapped back. I was standing there wishing this guy just went about his business; so much for wishful thinking, I thought. He turned around and started walking back our way. Lynn stepped in front of me. "What the fuck you say bitch," he said, walking closer and closer to Lynn. Now his was all in her face. "Repeat what the fuck you said," you sloppy bitch.
"Nigga you heard what the fuck I said," Lynn said while pointing her finger in his face. Get yo lame ass on, Lynn spat. The dude balled up his fist and cocked his hand back. At that moment, I knew I was jumping in no matter what, so I dropped my bags on the floor next to Lynn's. Hey, bruh, you have to leave the store or I'm calling security; the store attendant came quickly. He dropped his hands and turned to walk toward the door. "Shut yo bitch ass up nigga; I'm going now," the asshole of a guy said to the store attendant.
He turned to me and started talking. Okay, mam, we had both of them in the size you needed. They are behind the register when you are ready to purchase them. Okay, thank you I said. Are you alright? I questioned Lynn cause that situation was crazy. Girl, yea, I'm fine. I cant let no lame move me, she said. She grabbed these grey and orange lebron 19s and told the worker she wanted to see if they had them in my son's size. I will buy my nephew a pair, which will be a gift for y'all from me. Thank you, Lynn. We appreciate it, I said. "Anything else," the worker asked. Yes, I want the panda dunks in his size as well.
I lucked up and got all four pairs of shoes, so I was ecstatic about that. Lynn, you hungry because I am, I said. Hell yea, let's go to the food court, she replied. While walking to the food court, my overthinking was getting the best of me. I didn't want to feel away about it, but I did. Why would Lynn tell that guy I'm her girlfriend? I already knew the answer. It was because of the way I looked and the way I dressed. I liked being friends with Lynn but didn't want to be friends with someone who thought that of me. Bulldagger, bulldagger, bulldagger, the memory that I tried so hard to suppress was coming forward.
What if she thought that about me? Mani, earth to mani, Lynn called out. I didn't realize it, but we were at the food court. What are you thinking about? Nothing, I'm just hungry as hell, I said. We both decided to get Chick- fil- A. I got the deluxe spicy chicken sandwich with extra lettuce and pepper jack chess with fries, and instead of getting a drink, I got the cookies and cream milkshake with whipping cream and a cherry on top. Lynn got the four-piece tender with fries as her side and a cookies and cream milkshake. We paid for our food and found an empty table to sit at.
We were eating in silence. I couldn't get the thought of her being like everybody else off my mind. Mani, what's wrong she said. We were having fun now your whole mood changed. Is it because of what happened in Footlocker? I usually played along and pretended I was okay, but I wasn't doing that this time. I told Lynn my honest feelings because I couldn't let them go.
Ima keeps it real with you, Lynn. I'm trying to change who I am so I will no longer hold in on how I feel to appease others. I had her full attention, and you could tell.
She replied, "What you got to say 'cause I don't hold my tongue for nobody either; you know that already. The air around us was already hostile, but I didn't care. I thought I would rather not have any friends than a friend that would shade me.
I didn't particularly appreciate how you pretended I was your girlfriend. I know I look and dress like a stud, but I'm not one. You're a fantastic person, but I got bullied for being this way, so if that's how you feel about me, we can end this friendship n---.
Lynn cut me off and had a frustrated look on her face. She said, "I always end up friends with women who need more confidence." I always do, and I always have to drop them from my life, she said, then took a sip of her shake.
I won't lie my feelings were a bit hurt.
Then she continued. I didn't tell them you were my girlfriend because of your appearance. You could have worn a dress or a skirt, and I would have said the same thing. Niggas act like they can't take no for an answer. An example of that is literally what just happened in the store, so that's just an excuse I use all time. Please don't put your low self-esteem on me. This sucks because I like you as a person, but on the other hand, I never gave you any reason to doubt our friendship. I'm just sad you didn't give me the benefit of the doubt, she said. I started to feel a lil sad, but before I could respond, she got up and said she was going to the restroom.
I was all done eating, and Lynn wasn't back from the bathroom yet. I checked her bag to see if she had any food left, but she didn't. I threw away our chic-fil-a bags and grabbed my shopping bags on the floor. I walked to the bathroom, thinking she had ghosted me. I thought I ran my first and only friend off with my insecurities. I opened the bathroom door, and it was empty. The stalls were occupied, though. Lynn, Lynn, you in here, I called her name, but there was no answer. Lynn, I said again to make sure she wasn't just being petty. Yea, Lynn said, confirming my suspicions that she was indeed being petty. She came out of the stall and walked to the sink.
"You being petty right now?" I asked Lynn.
I'm not being petty; I don't like it when people assume things about me. That thought never even crossed my mind genuinely, she responded.
I was never stubborn and always apologized when I was wrong. I let my insecurities get the best of me, and I didn't want to lose a friend because of that— she was the only person to look past my appearance and befriend me. I started thinking that I was overreacting a bit.
I started speaking; Look, Lynn, I'm sorry. I usually can't decipher between those who don't mean me any good and those who wish me well. So I'm going to apologize because, in this situation, I was one hundred percent wrong. She was now drying her wet hand that she washed. She approached me and said, " Okay, I accept your apology, but I must tell you this. I'm not that type of person, and I have never been. No matter how you dress, I will never think any less of you. I overreacted a bit too, so I apologize as well. Now give me a hug, and let's finish our day on a good note.
After hugging Lynn, I felt some of the stress released from my body. I didn't realize with everything I was going through with losing my son; I needed that hug. The stall door opening made us release our embrace. My eye began to water, so I turned to the napkin holder to get some napkins. The water from the sink turned on. It was the other woman washing her hands. My face was planted in the napkin, trying to stop my watering eye from full-blown pouring.
"You alright," Lynn said, walking up to me and rubbing my back. Yea, I'm okay I said after forcing my emotions down. I patted my eyes dry and threw the napkin in the trash. I returned to the counter to grab my bags so we could go and, decided to look in the mirror to see if my eyes were puffy from the watering. Through the mirror, the woman washing her hand face was down, which made me happy cause I didn't like strangers seeing me cry. She lifted her head just as I grabbed my bag, and I instantly became enraged when I saw what I saw. I thought my eyes were deceiving me, so I rubbed them to ensure I saw out of them correctly. I couldn't believe that the woman I saw through the mirror was a dead bitch walking name Brittany.
Thoughts?
How yall feel about Lynn?