𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐏𝐎𝐕
"NO NO NO NO!" I yelled as I watched Y/n's body go limp and my vision was clouded with tears.
I felt like I was floating out of my body as I watched Spencer check her pulse and immediately start CPR. I barely registered the hand on my shoulder and the voice behind me saying the medics were on their way up.
I stared at Y/n's lifeless body and found myself praying for the first time in decades. I was praying to whatever God or being would listen to me. I watched as her body shook with each compression. I didn't even realize I had clung to Y/n's hand until I heard the voice from behind me telling me let her go so the Medics could take her.
I felt like my body was on autopilot as I followed after them and got into the ambulance with Y/n. I watched as they alternated between chest compressions and breaths and then finally an AED which got her heart beating again.
I didn't even realize Dave had gotten on the ambulance with me until I felt him wrap his arms around me. I let myself be comforted by him, momentarily forgetting my anger before returning my attention back to Y/n. I held onto her hand, drawing small hearts with my thumb. It was something she always did, even though it was no comfort to her since she was still unconscious.
"You're going to be okay. Please be okay." I repeated as I felt the tears falling down my face and Dave rubbing a comforting hand on my back.
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I paced around the waiting room. It had been an hour since they had taken Y/n into surgery. I didn't understand all the medical jargon but I knew enough to know that it wasn't good.
I had spent the last 60 minutes living through every possible outcome. 60 minutes regretting everything I didn't do or have time to do.
"Do you want a change of clothes?" A voice asked pulling me out of my thoughts.
"What?" I said looking at JJ. She frowned and motioned toward my clothes. I looked down at myself for the first time and saw that my clothes were soaked in blood. Y/n's blood.
Oh god I'm going to be sick.
I sprinted to bathroom and made it to the toilet just in time to empty the contents of my stomach. Even after I had nothing left to throw up, I felt myself dry heaving into the toilet. At some point a hand was rubbing my back and holding my hair but I didn't even notice until I sat on the ground with my back against the stall.
"Are you okay?" JJ asked softly as she sat across from me.
"What do you think?" I spit out as I brought my knees to my chest, trying to ignore the sight of blood. JJ gave me a sad smile and seemed to forgive my harsh words by reaching for my hand. "You love her?" JJ said, although it came out more of a statement.
"H-how did you know?" I asked and JJ squeezed my hand.
"Well, the last hour and a half was a pretty good indicator." She said quietly. "And you have been so happy lately, Emily. I can see it in your eyes."
"Garcia hacked into my phone didn't she." I sniffled. I knew JJ was distracting me from my thoughts spiraling but for once I was actually okay with that.
"Uh... maybe." JJ winced and I just let out a small laugh which then turned into roars of laughter to the point where I couldn't breath. "I never got to tell her." I said through deranged laugher.
"You never got to tell her what?" JJ asked and all of a sudden my laughter turned into a sob as I felt my eyes welling with tears again. "Oh, Emily." JJ said softly as she moved next to me and pulled me into a comforting hug.
"I-I never got to tell her that I love her." I choked out.
"She knows. I promise you she knows." JJ, rubbing my arm.
"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT! I- I was going to wait for the perfect time to tell her. She... she's the one for me. The one I've waited my whole life for and- and I didn't want to say it too soon and scare her off. But now I may never have the chance to tell her how much she means to me. I- I thought I had more time. I need more time with her." I sobbed into JJ's shoulder. Usually in moments like this I would compartmentalize my emotions but that obviously isn't working. I felt like a draw bridge had erupted through my body and years of pent up emotions were coming out.
"Emily. When Y/n comes out of surgery, when not if. You are going to sit by her bed and tell her how much you love her. Do you hear me? You haven't lost her."
I don't know how long I sat there sobbing, but after while the tears started to stop and I pulled away from JJ. I could see the exhaustion in her body and her eyes were rimmed with tears. "Thank's" I muttered and JJ just gave me a half-hearted smile that sent guilt throughout my entire body.
"How are you holding up JJ?"
"I'm okay. I'll be better once I see her with my own eyes." JJ said with a sad shrug.
"Me too. Lets get back to the waiting room." I said as I forced myself off the ground and helped JJ up. I refused to look into the mirror as we walked out. I couldn't handle seeing the blood. But for some fucked up reason I couldn't take my clothes off. The blood was a tiny part of Y/n that I still had with me.
I decided to sit next to Spencer as I could see the tears in his eyes. I grabbed his hand and he reluctantly let me. I felt detached from my body as we waited. Hours passed, or maybe they were minutes, I wasn't sure. I could feel tears starting to fall again and I briefly felt Spencer wiping them off my face. "She's going to be okay." He said, squeezing my hand. "She has to be." He muttered as he went back to shaking his leg up and down.
Another two hours went by and we were all still in the waiting room. I don't know when, but JJ had sat in the seat next to me and held onto my other hand. In an odd way it felt nice to be comforted by Spencer and JJ. Usually I was the one doing the comforting.
"You must be Y/n Y/l/n's team. I'm Dr. Foster." A doctor said and we all immediately shot up from our chairs.
"Yes, that's us." I said trying to put on a strong voice trying not to act as if he next words would either destroy me or relieve me.
"I'm happy to inform you that Y/n made it through the surgery and is being transported to the ICU." The doctor said and I felt relief in my body for the first time.
"When can we see her!?" I asked immediately.
"After I give you a run down of her condition" He said stiffly and I felt my body freeze again. Spencer squeezed my hand but my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest.
"She suffered two gunshot wounds, one of which shattered her collarbone and the other just above it on her shoulder. Thankfully, no major organs were hit but she did hit a major artery which is what caused her heart to stop. We were able to stop the bleeding and reconstruct her collarbone which is now being held together by metal rods. She also has a couple of cracked ribs from the CPR but they should heal on their own." He said and once again relief filled my body. She was okay. She's okay.
"She has a couple months of recovery ahead of her, but other than that she's going to be perfectly fine. She should be waking up from the anesthetics within the next hour. I can take you guys to her if you want, although I recommend one visitor at time for these first few hours." The doctor said and we all nodded. He led us up the hallway and to her room.
Thankfully I didn't even have to say anything before everyone suggested that I sit in there with her. I walked into the room slowly and saw next to her. Tears were brought to my eyes as I studied her.She was breathing slowly and her normally upturned lips were a straight line.
"Oh, Y/n." I murmured as I snaked my hand through the bed rail to hold hers. Her usually warm hands were cold and limp. "I'm so sorry." I whispered, not even trying to fight the tears that were falling down my face. I watched her chest moving up and down for what felt like forever. I was subconsciously counting how many seconds she took in between breaths.
"I love you so much, Y/n." I whispered as I stared down at her hands."I- I can't lose you, so please wake up. Wake up so I can tell you how much I love you."
"I love you too, Emily." Y/n's frail voice said from above. My head shot up and I was met with a sleepy smile and tired, but open eyes.
"Y/N!" I cried out as happy tears fell down my face and I pushed the button for the nurses to come in.
"W-water." She mumbled out as she tried to reach for her night stand.
"Oh shit, sorry." I said as I reached for water and held the straw up for her to drink from. After she had enough I put the cup down and I brushed my fingers through her hair. "How are you feeling?" I asked softly.
"Like shit." She mumbled out "Guess I can check getting shot off my list of things to do before I die." She muttered with her characteristic floppy smile.
"That's not funny."
"Oh come on, I get shot by an unsub and you lose your sense of humor?"
When I didn't say anything, Y/n frowned a little. "Em, I'm fine. I didn't die. Just a bit banged up, no pun intended." She said and I could tell she was trying to move her hands towards me, but couldn't.
I once again grabbed onto her and kissed the back of her hand. "I- I meant what I said. I really do love you." I said looking into her eyes.
"And I meant what I said. I love you, Emily." She said quietly and I didn't even realize I was crying again until her thumb was wiping away my tears. "Stop crying and kiss your girlfriend please." Y/n said softly.
"I don't want to hurt you."
"Em, he shot my shoulder not my lips." Y/n said hoarsely and I realized this was a fight I wasn't going to win.
I stood up and placed a soft kiss on her lips, not wanting it to get too heated. I only broke apart when I heard Y/n's heart monitor beeping faster and I saw Y/n's face starting to flush with embarrassment. "Oh shut up." She mumbled as I giggled.
Finally the nurses came in and checked everything. They administers her more pain pills and I was slightly relived because I could tell she was in more pain than she was letting on. Within five minutes she had fallen back asleep and I was assured numerous times that it was perfectly normal and her body just needed rest from her surgery.
I watched over her for the next thirty minutes, terrified that if I looked away I would see her body go limp, yet again. "Coffee?" A voice said from the door and I happily accepted as Spencer sat down next to me. "The doctor's said she woke up?" He said quietly as he watched Y/n, probably studying her breaths like I was.
"Yeah, she was only up for a little bit. She fell back asleep. I guess her body needs to recover from the surgery." I said as the familiar taste of coffee warmed my throat.
"You're good for her." He said after awhile.
"What?"
"You make her happy." He said with a smile.
"You all know?" I said with a defeated sigh.
"Well, yeah. Your girlfriend isn't exactly the best liar." He said with a chuckle and joined him. "No, no she isn't."
"I'm really happy for you Emily, seriously." He said softly. "I- I know coming back here after London was hard on you and I'm sorry that we let you push us away instead of helping." He said looking down at his hands.
"Hey, don't put that on yourself. I think I needed that distance to find myself again. And I am so glad I did, because it brought me to her." I said as I looked at Y/n with a smile.
"You guys need some company?" Luke asked as he poked his head into the door. I just laughed and nodded for him to come in. I wasn't surprised when the rest of team also shuffled in behind him as we all crammed ourselves into the small room.
𝐘/𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕
I heard soft murmuring as my eyes started to flutter open. At first I was confused to where I was until a felt shooting pains in my shoulder. The pain medication had helped a little bit, but my head was was now throbbing and I still felt loopy from the anesthetic. I finally opened my eyes and I would have smiled if it didn't hurt to. The entire team was crowded into the room, all lost in conversation. "Sleep well?" Emily asked as I turned my head to the side.
"Yeah-" I started before I got a good look at her for the first time. "Why are you in scrubs?"
She looked down, "Oh, I had blood all over my clothes and the nurses gave me some while you were sleeping." She was in all black scrubs that hugged her curves perfectly.
"Oh, well, you look really hot by the way. I think I may have a thing for women in scrubs now. So bring those home with you." I murmured before realizing that everyone in the room had stopped their conversation. I saw Emily's face flush red and the rest of the room erupted into quiet laughter. "Any chance I didn't just say that outloud?" I muttered with a wince.
"Not a chance." Spencer laughed and I just saw Emily chuckle.
All of a sudden my eyes widened, "Oh shit Emily! I didn't mean to tell them!" I said trying to be quiet. It was dawning on me that maybe I was loopier then I thought.
"We all know." JJ giggled as she held onto my non injured arm.
"What!? How?"
"Did you really think you could hide from a group of profilers?" Spencer laughed.
"You literally smile or blush every time we talk about Emily." Matt said with a chuckle.
"And, that one time we talked about Emily getting laid you looked like you were about to blow up." Luke added.
"Wait, wait, wait. When did that happen? And why the hell were you talking about me getting laid?!" Emily interjected.
"Well, it was when you came into work smiling for the first time. So, a couple months ago." JJ chuckled.
Emily then turned to me and gave me the cheekiest grin. "I didn't take you as the jealous type."
"I- I'm not!" I argued back.
"Sure." Luke chuckled and although I had a frown on my face, I couldn't have been happier. It felt like a breath of fresh air to not have to hide from the team. Although, apparently we never did that much hiding in the first place.
We all talked for a little bit until the Doctor came in. Everyone else left except for Emily as the Doctor checked my arm. "How long will I be out for?" I asked trying not to wince as he pulled up the gauze from my arm.
"At the very least three months."
"THREE MONTHS?!" I yelled but quickly retreated. "Sorry, three months?"
"Yes, your arm will need to heal for two months and you need one month of physical therapy at the very least if you want full motor function back." He said sternly but also apologetically. I nodded in defeat as he checked everything else. Once he left I stayed staring at the ceiling. A wave of exhaustion was finally starting to settle over me.
I was trying so hard to be up and lively for everyone else but now I just felt drained and my shoulder was throbbing.
"Ça va, mon amour ? Y a-t'il quelque chose que je puisse faire?" (Are you okay, my love? Is there anything I can do?) I heard Emily murmur softly as she kissed to the top of my forehead.
"Can you just.... hold me?" I whispered.
"Always." She said as she dropped the handrail and laid down next to my uninjured side.
It was an awkward angle since I had to lay on my back but I still laid my head down on Emily's shoulder while she held my non-injured hand. My ribs were sore so Emily was careful about not putting to much pressure on them. She then laid her cheek on the top of my head and I just let myself melt into her.
"Get some rest, my love. I've got you." She whispered.
"I love you." I mumbled as my eye lids became increasing heavy.
"I love you more."
A/N: Sorry for last chapters cliffhanger guys 💞 I would never kill y'all off <3 I LOVE YOU ALL TOO MUCH. Seriously though, thank you guys for all your sweet comments!!!