It was blank.
The note was blank.
I was annoyed at first, but then I realised he didn't trust me. So instead of being annoyed I was angry, and offended. Here I was, in a bathroom stall, with the door locked. No one would see it, unless Moaning Myrtle came, but she had stopped bugging me at some point in fifth year when I'd thrown a cigarette after her.
I contemplated not figuring out how to read the note, but alas my curiousity won over my pettiness. The first thing that came to mind was invisible ink. A part of me thought perhaps the man would figure out a way to make it even more difficult just to play with me, but if he wanted my attention he knew I didn't work harder than that.
So I stayed in that stall, and after I had calmed down from my anger I tapped the paper with my wand and whispered the revealing charm. Aparecium.
Black delicate handwriting appeared, and I recognised it immediately. Professor Snape had always had a very personalised way of writing, and despite how fast he usually scribbled it was quite elegant.
Well done.
I stopped reading then, and scowled at the note. It had been the easiest task and still he had to congratulate me. But instead of throwing the note in the toilet and flush it like my instincts told me to do, I continued reading.
My office, tonight, 8pm.
I smirked, despite the lack of information. He could still be wanting to decline, but it would be easier to ignore the fact that our conversation ever took place. Well, not wanting to decline, but feeling like he had to. I'm sure he wanted it. Why else would he be jealous?
A part of me was disappointed that he had gone through the effort of making the note invisible just to write that. When he could have written explicit content about what he wanted to do to my body. But perhaps that was too much to ask from someone like him.
Flushing the note, I left the bathroom with the intention of skipping the rest of my classes. The rollerblade incident had definitely taken more energy from me than I was comfortable with.
-
I had snoozed off in my room that afternoon, and headed for the Great Hall for dinner after. But not without some fresh air first.
Leaning against the castle wall outside, I had the cigarette between my lips as I inhaled, filling my lungs with bliss. And as I exhaled I watched the smoke trail upwards towards the skies, and I swore I saw the entirety of the owlery fly by at that moment. Majestic, stupid birds.
«Leo».
Glancing to my right I found Blaise to be approaching me, his hands in his pockets and a frown plastered on his face. I didn't bother replying, instead I inhaled again, the little cigarette pressed between my thin fingers with ease.
«Are you okay?», he asked, there was a concern to his voice that I hadn't heard from him before. Letting the air seep through my nose quickly, I narrowed my eyes and looked at him with confusion written all over my face.
«Yes, why?»
«You're just... distant», he shrugged his shoulders nervously and I rolled my eyes, putting the toxic thing between my lips again to avoid speaking right away. And as I inhaled I looked back up again at the sky.
«I am alright, okay? I promise», I said and exhaled, grinding the cigarette to a stop between my fingertips. Throwing the remaining parts of it into a bush, I brushed down my skirt and turned my attention back to the boy.
«Then...», he paused for a moment as he ran his fingers through his hair, «are you mad at me?»
«Oh, boy», I muttered and groaned in frustration, «we have had this conversation how many times? Do not depend on me to keep you happy. I have my days and you have yours. Shit happens».
Blaise sighed then, «you didn't answer my question, Leo».
«No, I'm not mad at you. I might get mad if you keep pestering me about this though», I said and began walking back inside. But I was quickly yanked back into his arms and pressed up against the wall. His action surprised me. Positively.
«Let me kiss you», he whispered, a mere inch from my face.
And I did. I let him. Out in the open. It had been my number one rule. Do not show me public affection, I don't care for it.
Still, I had accepted it, because for once he caught me by surprise. It excited me. But when his lips met mine, and he attempted entrance to my mouth, that excitement had died relatively quick. There just wasn't a spark, nor was there firework. So I pressed my hand to his chest and carefully pushed him away. «Not here», I murmured, and had I cared more than I did the look on his face would have devastated me. But it just didn't.
«Something wrong?», he asked.
I was about to answer when I locked eyes with the man currently haunting my mind. His cold black eyes stared into mine for a short moment as he walked past, hauling a second-year student behind him. Had Blaise not been so close still I would've winked at the professor, but instead the side of my lips curled as I smirked at him slightly.
«Hello?», Blaise cleared his throat and looked behind him, but didn't see anyone as the professor and the poor student had already entered the castle.
«Nothing is wrong. When did you become so anxious, Blaise?»
«I just miss you».
I looked up into his eyes and let out another sigh, «you know we're just friends».
He knew very well. But I could only assume that he, at some point, had developed feelings beyond that. Again, the look on his face said something. Perhaps exactly that.
«I know», he muttered and walked away, «let's go. It's dinner any minute».
And I followed him.
The dinner was awkward. Blaise didn't say a word, and Draco and Pansy were still butthurt after the whole cigarette-situation at the game. So, I opted to talk to Pike, Vincent and Gregory, but was quickly bored as they discussed their holiday plans for christmas.
There was, on the other hand, something else that entertained me. And that was the burning glare from the dark haired professor. Had I not known any better I would've thought he was trying to kill me with his eyes only. But something deep within me told me it was something much different, and just the thought of it made my body tingle in ways it hadn't for a long time.
-
I had just been outside for another smoke when I headed towards the Potions' classroom that evening. It never bothered me that I reeked of it. Sometimes I wished it did have a sweeter smell, perhaps more fruity, but I didn't mind. It was worth it.
Tracing my fingertips along the cold castle wall, making sure not to touch any portraits, I walked down the corridor wondering what was about to happen the moment I entered his office.
There were a few possible outcomes, but there was one I had not expected.
Upon entering his office, he quickly glanced at me and made sure the door closed behind me. He cleared his throat and stood up, leaning against his desk. «I know what you're doing».
«I'd be surprised if you didn't, I've been quite frank», I shrugged my shoulders and chuckled.
Professor Snape crossed his arms over his chest, «this prank has to stop. It is highly inappropriate».
And there it was.
I knitted my eyebrows together then, my voice and words strangled by confusion. When I finally managed to say anything, I struggled to keep from grinning. «A prank? Why on earth-»
«I have worked here for a long time, Miss Lovegood. I know a prank when I see it», he said, his voice cold. I shook my head in disbelief and let out a sigh.
«Well», I paused and walked closer to him. He took a step back. «Then I'm sorry to be the one to tell you that you might be blind, Professor». I stopped right in front of him and peered into his dark eyes, a slight smile on my face. «Or perhaps a pair of glasses would be needed. Although it would be a shame to hide those beatiful eyes behind such... gruesome things», I added. He seemed to be gritting his teeth, but other than that his face was stone cold and hard to read.
«Well, if you're telling the truth», this time it was he who paused, and I raised an eyebrow awaiting the rest of his sentence, «I am sure you are aware this is terribly inappropriate?»
I huffed then, «and so is the way you treat some of your students. Yet you don't get fired. So what's a secret deal of fun going to hurt, huh?»
His hand went for my shirt in a swift movement as he pulled me closer and hissed in my face, «how dare you?»
But he didn't intimidate me. Instead my attention fell to his lips and I wondered if I should lean in or wait till he'd do it. However, when I gazed back into the depths of his dark eyes, I recognised the unspoken hunger. With a hushed voice I spoke, «oh, Professor, you'd find there isn't much I don't dare. I don't take life so seriously. I might die tomorrow».
His eyes snapped between mine and when he pulled me so my face was even closer to his, his fist and knuckles white from gripping my shirt, I knew he wanted to kiss me. So I beat him to it.
Our lips met with a clash, as he wasn't prepared. But it sent a shudder through me, one I'd longed for. He froze for a moment, but returned it shortly after and I felt the hair on my neck rise as he put a hand on my lower back to draw me closer. I cupped his face in my hands, but before I got to lose myself in the overwhelming encounter he shoved me away. The panic in his eyes filled with regret as he pointed to the door. «Leave», he hissed, his deep voice shaky.
«Professor», I said, but realised it wasn't making the situation better for him, so I tried, «Snape, let me just-»
«Leave», he yelled.
I couldn't seem to figure out if his actions came from actual regret or worry. Or perhaps he was being insecure.
«Look, you already know I won't tell anyone. It isn't a prank, and I don't mind if you haven't been with anyone. But I'm not here to fight you. So... whatever», I rolled my eyes and turned on my heel to leave.
His next question, however, made a surprising amount of butterflies come alive in my stomach.
«What is Zabini to you?»
I stopped and looked back at him, and enjoyed how his lips glistened after having kissed me. And the image of how they'd look like after he'd gone down on me entered my mind, causing heat to rush to my cheeks momentarily. With a sly smile I said, «nothing».
And I left.
-
I touched myself that night. With the curtains drawn around my bed I came hard on my own fingers. Thanks to a well practiced silencing spell I had moaned his name, and wasn't ashamed to do so.
The thought and visual imagery that perhaps he had done the same, thinking about me, had sent me over the edge.
And when sleep had claimed me, my dream involved him also.
So when I woke the next morning I felt like my thirst had been quenched, but at the same time it felt like the knife had been twisted. I wanted to see him up close again, and properly taste his lips. It had ended so soon I hadn't been able to fully process that we'd actually kissed.
But when I entered the Great Hall for breakfast next to my friends, laughing about a stupid joke Gregory had told, I did my best at ignoring the professor. I did not want him to know just how much he robbed me of my peace of mind.
Poking around my dinner, I watched as Pansy stared lovingly at Draco, as if they had just become a couple. The past four years had been the same and I wondered if it was just Pansy being Pansy, or if that was how one was supposed to feel when finally paired with a good match.
I'd never felt it but I'd seen it. My own parents had always had that glow between them, and it had filled our home with so much love. In a way I hated my mother for what she did. Had she only been more careful she would've still been around. And perhaps I wouldn't have been so angry at the world for taking her from us.
«Aren't you hungry?», Pike asked, his voice laced with concern. I offered him a smile and popped a piece of broccoli in my mouth.
«That», I pointed to Draco and Pansy, «rids me of my appetite, unfortunately».
Pike laughed, and nodded in what I figured was agreement.
Once dinner neared its end I had finished about half of my plate and I counted myself satisfied with that. My friends had suggested we'd hang out in the common room for the evening, and though I had preferred to be outside so I could smoke I had agreed to do so.
We walked to the dungeons together, and while we were in the middle of a conversation Professor Snape pushed past us, almost knocking me over.
«Hey, watch where you're going», I hissed after him. Pike was wide-eyed at my bravery, though I was sure he wasn't surprised. Draco had only sniggered. He was the only friend I had who dared to say anything of the sort to any teacher.
Professor Snape had stopped. And I knew he would tell me off, because he had to act normal despite our kiss the day before. For a moment it dawned on me how crazy my deal had been, and I thought perhaps I had gone too far for once. But there was not a single part of me that regretted it. In fact, I wanted more.
«Do not speak to me that way», was all he managed to defend himself with. And I wondered if my words the day before had made him realise just how mean he usually were towards students. Alas, his towering and repremanding figure stood over me with an angry expression across his features, still acting as if I'd been the one in the wrong.
«I speak in whatever manner I like», I spat. Blaise had took it upon himself all of a sudden to again attempt to remove me from an argument. I swatted his hand away and returned to the deadly glare I'd been giving the professor.
«Five points from Slytherin for-»
I interrupted him quickly, «for what exactly? For minding my own business and getting knocked over by a professor? Well, strike me pink... you're one sore arse. Don't you have anything better to do?»
Pansy gasped then, and perhaps I would've too had those words come out of anyone elses mouth. But I kept my ground and I didn't break eyecontact. Vincent and Gregory had run off already, and in my peripheral vision I noticed the others doing the same. Blaise lingered for a short moment, but with a deep sigh he too continued down the corridor, leaving only me and the professor.
«You have the nerve...», he drawled, still burning holes into me with his disapproving look. I broke the tension with a smirk, and I saw his own expression falter by it.
«You seem stressed. Just go ahead, stride away, and please... if you're knocking over another student I wouldn't mind if you'd choose Pansy next time», I said and crossed my arms over my chest.
I swore I could see amusement in his eyes before he turned to leave, not saying another word. Again, letting me win.
-
In the common room we had occupied the nicest group of sofas. Pansy sat in Draco's lap, with Vincent and Gregory next to them. In the sofa opposite them I sat in the middle of Blaise and Pike.
There had been a time where Blaise and I had contemplated whether we would invite Pike to bed with us. But we'd decided against it, as it perhaps would've made our friendgroup more awkward than it already was.
And to be quite honest, Pike had never interested me sexually. The thing between me and Blaise had just happened one time in third year and from then on we'd just had fun every now and then.
He had not been my only one though, there had been this boy in my neighbourhood that I'd been with a few times. That too only casual.
The sudden attraction I'd felt towards the professor the moment we talked at the train station, however, had come surprisingly in one way. But in another I had known for a while that I liked men a tad older, at least the idea of them had seemed appealing to me. One time I'd even caught myself thinking Draco's father was quite handsome. But the way he reminded me of Draco had thrown me off soon after. They were just too similar. But if I had to pick out of the two I would definitely choose the daddy.
But, despite how arrogant it may sound, I found Professor Snape interesting because he reminded me of me.
Mid-conversation a younger student came running into the common room and looked directly to Draco, «you've got to see this, Draco. Harry is practicing down at the pitch, and he has a brand new broom. I heard it's the-»
«Potter? New broom?», Draco snarled, the younger Slytherin flinched at his voice and I rolled my eyes. I had never understood how the white haired boy had managed to appear so dominant to others, when in reality he was as fragile as a teacup. I wouldn't say that out loud, but I was quite convinced of it.
«Just get down there and see for yourself, I have never seen a wizard go any faster», the younger boy said quickly, struggling to keep his excitement from shining through. «Everyone is down there».
We all got to our feet and headed for the pitch. It gave me an excuse to enjoy a cigarette on the way, and I'd rarely turn down such an opportunity.
However, when I'd stopped to light it and the others had continued walking I'd felt a tug at my side. And within a second I'd been dragged out of the path and around a corner of the castle, out of sight. Dropping my cigarette in the process.
«You owe me a cigarette», I hissed in a whisper as I stared into a pair of onyx eyes. His hair had obscured half of his face as he'd rushed me away from the path, now having coated us in a mask of disillusionment, no doubt.
«If not a prank, why are you doing this?», his deep voice asked, and I almost felt it too adorable the way he didn't even attempt to hide his insecurities just then.
«I have already told you that I find the deal to be pleasing for the both of us. And it doesn't hurt that I find you attractive», I responded and waited a second as I noticed someone walking past. I followed their every movement in a pointed stare and when they'd gone I continued whispering, «and something tells me you're not opposed to it as you keep coming back to me», I grinned.
His face spoke of uncertainty, I thought, like he didn't believe I'd find him attractive at all. But as if his question had been his last resort to figure out my true intentions he carried on to his next worry, «an agreement is not to be taken lightly. It needs guidelines».
He wanted rules.
I chuckled and felt my heart hammer, «if it makes your life easier, Professor Snape».
«Just call me Severus when.. in..»
«I got it», I chewed on my bottom lip as my mind had already started going crazy with ideas on how to make the deal as enjoyable as possible.