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Chapter 41
"I'm breaking free from these memories
Gotta let it go, just let it go
I've said goodbye
Set it all on fire
Gotta let it go, just let it go" - Let me go - Avril Lavigne
The bright sunlight hurt my eyes as I peeked them open. It was no doubt they were puffy and swollen from crying so much yesterday and it was obvious that I cried myself to sleep last night.
I'm wasn't planning on getting out of bed anytime soon so when my mom came in my room a few minutes later telling me I needed to get up for school, I was back to being in a foul mood.
"Zoe, sweetie you need to get up and head to school. I let you sleep in for a few hours."
I groaned, "I don't want to mom!"
"I know, but you can't avoid him forever. He's moving this weekend and he wants to spend the remaining time he has with you."
My heart clenched and I felt like crying again. I was hoping it was all just a bad nightmare, Logan wouldn't really be moving and it was all just a bad joke.
But it wasn't. It was true.
Logan and his mom really were moving away this weekend. The reason being is Michelle got a new job in California and she doesn't want to be so far away from her son. California is indeed a long way away.
I just don't understand why it has to happen now? When Logan and I are so close to dating and being together. Things were going so good, I was planning on telling him my real true feelings. But it won't matter now, it would just make him leaving even more harder.
Sighing, I got out of bed and to the shower to get rid of the grimy feeling and the god awful headache that had formed for crying all night long.
I was dreading going to school since I knew all my friends would try to bombard me with questions.
Then there was Logan who I knew is going to want to talk to me but I just don't know if I can. He's going to be leaving in just four days and then I will never see him again, it's better to just ignore him.
Ashley was right, I have to let him go too sometime.
School was just like I expected; everyone was looking at me.
Apparently, word has gotten around that the infamous Logan Collins, captain of the football team and the dreamiest guy of Southport high school was moving away. Since I have been attached to Logan by the hip lately, it was like I was immediately a celebrity who gets stalked all the time by paparazzi.
I gained remorseful and sad looks from random students walking by in the hallway. Keeping my head down seemed to be the perfect solution to getting through the day, that is until lunch time when my friends trapped me in.
At first it was just Kelsey and Cara but i still kept my head down and hurried to put my books up.
Cara grabbed my arm and Kelsey guarded me in so I couldn't sneak away.
Looks like I have no choice.
"We're sorry Zoe, Logan made us promise not to tell you because he felt like he should be the one to tell you and it wasn't suppose to happen this way."
"Please forgive us," Cara spoke with a pout.
I sighed, "I'm not mad at you guys or anybody really and I understand why you couldn't tell me. I just don't think I can face Logan."
Kelsey nodded, "I know it's going to be hard, we're so upset too but you have to look at the bright side of this. Spend the time with Logan why you have it, before he leaves."
"We all cried, even the guys but we have each other to get through his. We will miss him sure but it's not the end of the world." Cara said.
I know they were trying to make me feel better and I loved them for that but it wasn't really working at the moment. My felt the tears forming and I scratched at my eyes to get them to stop. "I can't talk to him right now."
They sighed and looked at each other, "Well we tried, I guess we can tell Logan that much."
They walked off and I leaned head against the cool metal of my locker. Taking a few deep breaths to calm myself, I pushed off and headed outside for lunch by myself.
I walked past a smirking Ashley and I avoided her gaze. She was right and she of course was going to gloat and bask in the pride of proving me room.
I ignored the whispers and stares as I sat at the picnic table outside alone. I pulled out my lunch and nibbled on a sandwich my mom made for me.
A tall figure sat down beside me and I wasn't clueless to who it was.
"I shouldn't have kept you in the dark and I'm so sorry for that but you have to know that I never knew when the right time to tell you because we always were having a fun time and I never wanted to ruin the moment with us. Please forgive me so we can spend these last few days together." Logan spoke.
"There is no other person I want to spend my last few days here than you." He said quietly, just above a whisper.
My eyes were filling me with tears again, I shook my head and stood up so he wouldn't see my cry yet again. "I'm sorry but I can't do this."
I walked off and he followed, easily catching up to me. Grabbing my hand, he stopped me from moving. He put his hands on my shoulders and forced my head up to look him in the eyes.
His eyes were sad looking, they had bags under them like he hasn't slept for days. His hair was tousled and if I knew better, he probably got as much sleep or maybe even less than I did last night.
I know I was being ridiculous and I was frankly making the pain even worse but pushing him away seemed to be the easiest thing to do.
I can't help that I push people away. I always have and it takes a lot to break down the sturdy walls I build up.
"Why are you going this? Why are you pushing me away? Do you think that this is not hurting me at all?" He asked shaking my shoulders a little.
I bit my quivering lip and tried to hold in the tears that were rolling down my already moist cheeks. Thank God we were away from the other students or I would have been so embarrassed.
"Let me tell you something Zoe," he said his voice a little more calmer, "this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I never thought moving away was going to be this damn hard but it is! And to have you ignore and avoid me when all I want is to be is with you, it's killing me! I'm hurting just as much as you are but all you're doing is pushing the people who love you away."
I was sobbing by this point, I didn't even try hiding it. I saw a few tears in Logan's eyes but I didn't stay long enough to see if they actually fell. I bolted away and I guess Logan didn't bother to stop me because I made it all the way to my car without being caught.
I have to calm down and I have to stop crying.
----
I ended up going home after everything happened with Logan at school. I tried to stay but every time I saw him in the hall or in class, he would look at me with his chocolate brown eyes full of hurt and sadness.
I couldn't stand it any longer and I headed home.
Cuddled up in my bed with a bowl of cookie dough ice cream and The Notebook playing from my TV is how I spent my afternoon.
Fun right? Yeah.
Cara and Kelsey were blowing up my phone trying to get me to come and hang out with them or to go shopping but I wasn't really feeling like going out.
"Zoe! You have visitors!" I heard my little sister shout from downstairs.
I groaned knowing it was probably Logan or the girls. What do they not understand about leaving me alone?
I heard footsteps up my stairs and I prepared to ignore them and shut them out but I was shocked to see who were my visitors that bursted through my door.
Zach and Peyton stood at the entrance of my doorway. They smiled softly when they saw me and Zach came closer to my bed while Peyton stood back.
"How you holding up Zo?" He asked using my nickname and sitting down on the side of my bed.
"As you can tell not that great." I muttered. Yeah I know I said I would shut them out because it's easier to deal with things and it is but Zach as always been there for me and he's really understanding.
I found it easier to talk to him than the others sometimes.
Zach shot me a sad smile, "You know when I found out about Logan moving, it was hard to imagine what it would be like without him and I'm sad he's leaving but we will make it." He said shaking my leg a little.
"You have us, and you know that we will never let you down or let anyone hurt you. We have your back just as much as Logan does." He said gesturing to himself and Peyton.
I sighed, "But I don't want him to leave. I've gotten so close to him and I don't want to see him leave me."
"I know Zoe and I wish things weren't this way but there isn't anything we can do."
"Can't he live with you or Peyton?" I asked.
He chuckled, "I wish but no he can't. California is a long way and his mom doesn't want him to be so far from him."
"People always leave huh?" I say quoting my favorite tv show One Tree Hill.
"Not necessarily," Peyton spoke up from the door. "You still have us."
"No offense guys, but your not Logan. Zach, Kelsey has you and Peyton even though you Cara fight all the time you guys are actually really close." I say to them.
"But that doesn't mean that you still won't have us." He defended.
"It's just going to be different! And I hate changes so damn much!"
"You have to talk to Logan, Zoe." Zach says looking in my eyes.
"Yeah, he's driving us crazy because he keeps whining about you ignoring him." Zach shot Peyton a look and he shuts up.
I try to hide the smile that forms on my lips but Zach catches it. I can't help that they are so funny sometimes. And it makes me feel pretty good that Logan cares about me so much, which is why I feel pretty guilty about the way I have treated him.
Zach poked me, "Look I got to crack a smile out of you."
I recovered and crossed my arms and went back to frowning.
"Oh come on! I was this close to having you back to normal!"
Peyton snorted, "I think it's going to take more to get her back to her normal cheery self."
Zach turned back to me, "We are having a going away party tonight for Logan," he informed.
"I think it would be good for you to come and talk to him. I know it might be hard to face the fact that he's leaving but it has to be done sometime and It would at least make Logan happy."
"I'll think about it." I replied.
"Well that's not a no but not exactly a yes." He got up, "But I'll take it. Hopefully I see you tonight."
They said goodbye and left.
I thought about what Zach said about the going away party. I know I should go but it's all too soon.
I don't want to say goodbye to Logan, I'm not ready for him to leave yet.
The thought has me back into tears and I spend the rest of the night in my bed and the comfort of my warm covers.
I fell asleep and sometime later I woke up. My phone showed that it was already time for Logan's going away party but I'm going to skip it.
I can't face Logan and celebrate having to say goodbye to him. That's my definition of a going away party and it doesn't sound like a lot of fun to me.
My phone buzzed with a text from Logan and I opened it.
From: Logan
Wish you would have came tonight. Miss u
I didn't reply back but I did read the message over and over again. Holding on to what's left of Logan before he leaves and forgets about me and us.
I knew eventually I would be okay, just not today.
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So I'm not real content with this chapter but it's the best I could do. Hope you liked it!
Do you think Zoe will talk to Logan before he leaves?
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Teaser: The weekend comes and it's time for Logan to leave :(