"SCOUTS, MOVE OUT!!" The commander bellows his war cry as the entirety of your regiment gallops out into the open fields. Mara's strong body propels you forward with contagious ferocity as you start to space yourselves away from one another. Sasha and Mikasa move further out, becoming tiny dots in the distance. Your position in the formation is in communications, which is to relay the messages of the searchers at the front, warning the formation of approaching titans using signal flares. Green flares indicate a change in direction from the commanding center, Red Flares signal a Titan has been spotted, black flares signal that an abnormal Titan has been spotted, and purple is a distress signal. You're also tasked with running spare horses because out in the fields if you don't have a horse, you're practically dead. Mara does not do well with other horses close to her, but she keeps a steady pace underneath you. She knows exactly what's going on, this is what we've been training for. She follows every direction you give her, although she expresses her frustration with her ears every now and then. You're grateful for her resolute cooperation, but this mission has become rather tedious. It's easy to become lost in thought along the ride, I'm sure that city will host some kind of celebration when we return. It would be lovely to find a piano and get in some practice, maybe tonight you and Eld can write that song you've been planning to. That's why you have to make it back, there's so much to look forward to. You keep yourself in high spirits but an hour must've gone by without any new signals, it's either everything is going to plan, or everything is falling apart. You begin to ponder your position in the formation. Why has a Erwin decided to place you at the innermost column of communications? This could be his way of protecting you, but Erwin never does anything without reason. He's viewed by many as a gambler since his decisions usually involve high risks, but you see him as calculated. In the Survey Corps, stakes are high no matter the situation, Erwin simply covers all of his bases. Finally, you see that a green flare is shot up on your right side, indicting a sharp change in direction to your left. Loading the flare gun with a green signal, you realize you're heading towards the forest of giant trees before relaying the message.
Why are we heading here? As puzzling as it is, you've already given your trust to the commander and everyone on this mission. Questioning Erwins judgment is foolish, he approaches obstacles from a strategic standpoint, remaining grounded despite personal interferences. You're proud to follow your Commander, Noah is wrong. What does he have against Erwin? Maybe you should've heard him out but his words were too harsh. You're not going to spend the ride outside the walls thinking of Noah, this moment is yours. Birds soar through the sky as your eyes trace the horizon before approaching the forest.
You notice that the formation has been broken when you spot Mikasa riding in the distance. With Mara trailing far behind her, you notice soldiers gathered on branches, soldiers that were meant to be on the other side of the formation. You veer to your left around the trees, finding Sasha on a branch, waving you down. So far, it's appeared as if everything has gone according to the plan, not a single Titan in your way nor have you had to use your gear. That may not be the case for everyone else. After securing your horses, you use your gear to shoot into the trees, landing on the branch besides Sasha.
"(Y/N)! I'm so happy to see you. I've been worried about you!"
"I'm glad to see you too! Have you seen anything yet? I haven't. Do you know why we're here? What's going on? Where is everyone?" You reply
"What, is this 21 questions?" Mikasa grunts from the branch in between you two. You turn around and catch a glimpse of her unamused face.
"I'm just confused. Where do we go from here?"
"We were directed to wait here and stop any incoming titans from entering the forest. That's all I know."
"This entire mission... none of its making any sense. It's been... uneventful to say the least, for me anyway."
Sasha let out a muffled shriek
"You mean, you haven't encountered a single Titan?"
"No."
"Mikasa? Have you?"
"No."
About 15 minutes go by as you're perched upon the branches, collecting titans gnawing at the trunks below you. Sasha recalled her encounter with the creepy crawling Titan dawdling beneath you. You've never really had the chance to stare at them for prolonged periods of time, some of them are actually kinda cute, but most of them are really ugly. They have a strange scent to them, it's almost human. A series of bangs rumble in the distance
"You think that's cannon fire or what? I mean nothing else makes that kind of racket, right?" Sasha asked.
"So that's what they're trying to do?"
You reply. Both girls look at you, trying to follow your point. "We're luring something here, trapping it in the woods. I just wonder what it is."
"Do you really? (Y/N)?" Mikasa plainly asked.
"Do you know something mikasa?"
"I ran into armin on my way here... the entire right flank has been wiped out by an intelligent Titan, similiar to the armored and colossal."
"There's another Titan we should worry about now?" Sasha whined
"Wait.. another intelligent Titan? Are you serious?" You asked.
"That's what he said." Mikasa looked down
So.. Erwin knew about this. Is this what they've had Eren training for? Is this what Eld and the others were keeping from me?
You try making sense of the news, but you cannot fathom why something so serious would be kept from you. Erwin has a good reason, you're sure of it, even if you can't possibly think of a reason for his actions, you already decided to trust him.
By giving Erwin your trust, you have taken it back from Noah. That wasn't easy, but deep inside you know that it was the right choice. Sometimes the right choice is the harder decision.
Suddenly, a horrifying roar sends the titans below to start running into the forest.
"I'm going in." Mikasa says
"Right behind ya." You add
"WAIT! Please! I know that sound. It used to haunt my sleep. I'd hear it from the forest in the dead of night. Believe me, nothing in the world screams like that except a dying animal. It's the sound of a creature who knows it has absolutely nothing to lose."
"I'm fine, I know what I'm doing." Mikasa replied
"We'll be careful, Sash."
"That is not the right attitude to have. You can't just be careful you have to be terrified!!"
Mikasa turned to face Sasha
"Have you ever seen me terrified of anything?"
Before shooting her gears off, you salute Sasha as you follow her lead.
You know that when it comes to Eren, Mikasa is never going to play around. She races through the trees and you have no trouble keeping up with her, following the titans running towards the center as they knock down trees in their path. You've never heard of titans behaving this way and you begin to worry as the falling branches slow you down. Your determination keeps you focused and out of harms way when using the 3d gear, confidently zipping through the trees in pursuit of battle. The sky turns dark and a massive strike of lightening in the distance overtakes the sky, accompanied by another blood curdling roar. It's Eren, this can't be good.
You pick up the speed, moving through the forest at, quite possibly, the fastest you've ever gone when a figure far away captures your attention, it looks like something suspended from the trees. Was Eren here? We're any other titans here too?
Shooting your gear into the nearest branch to get a closer look, you realize that it's a solider hanging upside down in an eery and unnatural position. Your hearts sinks when discovering that the fallen soldier is Gunther.
No. This can't be happening. The sounds of trees breaking and titans stomping in the distance leads you in their direction. You pull yourself together and zoom through the trees in search of your Squad, finding the lower half of a body on the ground. Where's the rest of them? Your heart races while scanning the forest floor until you can find the upper half of the corpse. Nausea forms a sharp pit in your stomach, you know you should be following the sounds of battle but you cannot pull yourself away from figuring out who this is. You spot the other half of the solider, discovering Eld's mangled body. The world comes to halt as your heart shatters, it feels as if air doesn't belong in your chest. You drop down to the ground where he lays, wanting to scream but can't manage a sound. No, not him. His chest lays still as you stare into his lifeless eyes.
"So this is where our path ends, this is where I say goodbye." A whisper escapes your lips.
You caress your hand over his face a final time, resting his lids for eternity. It feels like someone reached into your chest and yanked your heart out, a giant hole now in place of where you once stored love. In that gap, a fire ignites. You cannot afford to break down at this moment so all of your hurt is channeled to rage. Whoever did this is going to pay. Have the others shared the same fate?
You clench your jaw and shoot up into the trees, flying over a deceased Petra and Oruo. There's no time to address your loss, we mourn the dead once the war is over. The light flickering through the trees averts your attention back to Eren and you race off towards the sounds of the titans, landing next to a frozen Mikasa. You both watch in horror as Eren is being swallowed by the female Titan, exhausting the last bit of fight you had left. Mikasa shoots off after her in a vicious pursuit, but you remain still. This entire mission cost us everything, we failed.
You should've been with them. While the mission was uneventful for you at first, there was an entire battle happening that you were blissfully unaware of. You could've made use of yourself if you had just been put near the action. The rage returns, growing in the deep pit of your stomach, a burning sensation erupts into your esophagus and you let out a blood curdling shriek. Feelings of helplessness and incompetence boil over and you can't keep it together any longer. What's the point? What's the point of going after the Titan that slayed the most elite soldiers? What's the point of killing her now after she's already eaten Eren? What's the point in anything anymore?
Your body cannot contain the rage you're experiencing and you toss your blades, going berserk on the trees around you, punching them until the skin on your knuckles are shredded, blood staining your body, face, and uniform.
"WHATS THE POINT??!!"
You scream, unleashing a furious assault on nature until your hands go numb.
You grab your blades and shoot your gear up into the trees, slashing any and everything in your way. What is your next move? You can barely think straight whilst dangerously navigating through the forest.
"(Y/N)!!" A voice calls from behind you. "Slow down! Please, just talk to me!"
That familiar voice delivers you from madness, ending your rampage right there.
"(Y/N), what happened?" Hange flys next to you, immediately noting your wounded hands.
"Come with me, I'm taking you to the medics wagon."
"LEAVE!"
"(Y/N), Just please listen to me."
You aggressively land on the nearest branch, almost at the edge of the forest.
There is dirt and bark poking out of your raw skin and your bleeding runs down your arms. You wipe the sweat off of your face, staining it red. The adrenaline is beginning to wear off and the pain starts to set in. You have no choice but to oblige, using the little strength you have left to get yourself to the medic wagon. Right now, you don't feel anything except the pain from your wounds.
You walk through the camp past through rows of dead bodies, so many of us aren't going home. Sasha is loading bodies onto the wagon with Conny and you remember how you had left her with Mara. Was Sasha able to bring all those horses back? Somehow she did, both you and Mikasa's horses are there, even both of the spare horses you were carrying. You giggle at the thought of her riding with 5 additional horses but then realize you're walking through rows of your slain comrades, earning some very disapproving looks from the remaining soldiers.
Your face is covered in blood, not Titan blood that evaporates, but your own blood that's still running down your fingers, staining the burnt grass in your path. Nobody would dare say something to you in a moment like this. The girl that everyone knew could bring a smile to their face genuinely looks like a monster. To rise above monsters, we have to abandon our humanity, that's the irony really. You need to get home, and to do that, you must abandon all of the emotions that make you human.
Some of Hange's squad get your hands cleaned up and warns you that they're going to disinfect them with strong alcohol. The soldiers brace themselves for your reaction but you don't so much as flinch as the booze flows over your open skin and onto the grass below. As they're bandaging them up, your eyes roam to Hange with Mikasa, huddled over a wagon.
"Is that—is eren back?" You ask the man securing your bandages.
"Yes. Captain Levi returned with him, he's going to be just fine, please stay still."
Captain Levi.. of course he's the only one to have survived, he's humanity's strongest soldier. How could he stand there so nonchalant, as if he isn't breaking inside.. he's so.. heartless. They gave him their trust, and you gave yours to Eld. Levi was so careless with it, the thought of his disregard for you has you clenching your fists. The solider helping you sighs, looking up with irritated eyes.
"Sorry." You mumble, reminding yourself to push it all away. It's imperative to keep yourself together and being a soldier means you must abandon your emotions right now. The mission isn't over.
You thank them, heading to Mara as the order to move out is announced. With every stride, the breeze cools your face keeping you alert. We mourn our fallen comrades once the war is over.
Within several minutes after riding out, a shout in the distance breaks the repetitive sound of galloping hooves
"HEADS UP, WE GOT COMPANY!!!!"
"TITANS!!"
A red flare is fired and you look back where two titans are running behind, chasing several of your comrades.
"FULL SPEED, ALL SOLDIERS!" Commander Erwin shouts.
You kick Mara and gallop forward with no intention of holding her back. She's excited to finally let loose and reach her highest speeds. Your position significantly surpasses the others, but your hands are barely functioning. Unfortunately the one thing they control are the breaks. On your left you notice that the Titan has gained significant speed near Levi's command and as a last resort, they begin dumping out the bodies. You watch as your slain comrades are tossed from the wagon and immediately are able to identify Eld's broken body. Not even 24 hours ago, you were on his lap, his hands roaming your body. The two of you had plans... he was going to convince Levi to let you play that piano more..You're never going to make that song together.. you aren't able to pull you eyes away as the last of his body is ravaged beneath the titans feet.
One final sacrifice to humanity.