jj maybank fanfics

simp

TW: angst, smut, sexual tension, drugs, alcohol, underage drinking, violence

this is the longest one yet, over 27k words...
let me know if you like longer stories or not, and maybe I'll do some more long ones in the future.
might be some mistakes here and there.

(they are in their early twenties in this)

——————————————————

There's this word people use to describe someone who's willing to do anything for another person. It doesn't necessarily have to mean that they know the person, but they usually do in some way. The person also have this effect on you that comes from their personality, looks and/or behaviour. The effects are different and varies depending on who you are and who the other person is. It could be romantic, loving, friendly, admirable or sexual, really sexual.

Sometimes there's two or three of these aspects that effects you, other times it's only one of them and some times, in rare cases, it's all of them.

——————————————————

When it comes to loving something or someone, Kiara Carrera knows how that feels. She loves her parents, her best friends, she loves Bob Marley and surfing the waves. These feelings of love are all different, she loves and cares for all the above in different ways.
The water splashing around her while her surfboard rides the waves is an incredible feeling that it brings her joy, it excites her and it can also make her feel calm and at peace. The love she has for her friends is something different, it's like a constant warm feeling in her whole body. There's an unspoken feeling of mutual respect and trust between the pouges that's hard to explain with words. Kiara loves the moments when they're all just hanging out, laying in the hammock or on the couches on the porch, sitting in the HMS pouge and dipping their toes into the water. It's the causal and relaxed moments she treasures the most, even though laughing and sitting by the fire while drinking a beer is fun too.

But...

She never thought something or someone could have this effect on her.  She didn't think it was possible to feel this way, the way that she can't understand yet can't get enough of. Kiara usually has somewhat control over her feelings, thoughts and/or reactions. It obviously depends on the person and/or situation but she can, for most times, keep calm and act somewhat rational. Which can be very helpful being friends with people who sometimes reacts or acts without thinking.

She'd heard about the word and used it as a joke around her friends. Calling each other the word for fun, not really giving it much thought. It's just a word that some people on the internet has come up with to describe a persons feelings and behaviours and it's mostly used as a joke.

But the word suddenly got very topical. Kiara wouldn't say she is one herself and there's probably another word for it that's better. But for everyone to understand what she "is", and due to a slight lack of a better word, I'm going to use the word

simp.

———————————————————

JJ has always been a pouge, born and raised. Living on The Cut, surfing, hanging out with his friends John B and Pope, getting into trouble and smoking or drinking whenever he gets the chance. JJ's never been a guy who "gets it on" with girls, he's been close a lot of times but as soon as they realise or finds out who he is, they back off immediately. JJ has had his reputation his whole life. He's the son of a alcoholic and abusive dad, which is why people are very quick to judge and jump to the conclusion that he's "just like he's father".

JJ is someone who makes stupid jokes and decisions all the time, that's usually somewhat offensive or illegal such as getting into fights, stealing or breaking into abandoned buildings. He's never been the one to think about the possible consequences of his actions or words, he's a do first think later kind of person which sometimes can be good but mostly not. He acts a lot through his impulsive behaviour and thoughts, which people aren't the most accepting about. When people get too close to him, he either gets to comfortable and shares his unique and weird quirks which usually leads to them leaving, or he gets scared and shuts them out completely before they get the chance to get close.

Despite all that he's also really goofy, almost a child at some times. He has a very loving side to his personality that he only shares with the few people he loves. Those people, the ones that do appreciate and love him despite his flaws, is his two best friends Pope and John B. They've been a team their whole life, living with similar conditions and having to work hard for what they want or to even get a small piece of freedom.

Kiara was born and raised as a kook. Living on Figure Eight with her parents, hanging out with her best friend Sarah and other kooks, going to parties, studying, saving turtles and smoking or drinking whenever she gets the chance.
She's been with a few guys, but only making out and dancing at parties. She hasn't really had anything special or meaningful with another person in a romantic way. There has been some opportunities for it but it's never felt right or worked out.

Kiara has the reputation of being a selfish kook princess, spending all of her parents money on shopping and parties. This reputation isn't true, not even close to reality. Kiara is a sweet and loving girl who cares a lot for the people she loves and for the environment. She helps with charity work and organisations that saves animals and humans from harm and/or hunger. She is also into playing the ukulele, but that isn't something anyone really knows, barley Sarah knows. Her and Sarah has been close almost their whole life's, finding themselves having a lot in common at the early age of 5 years old. They're both being misunderstood by their parents, other kooks and by anyone else on the island, both searching for something real and as far away from kooks as possible.

The Outer Banks isn't a big island, which means most people know each other. JJ and Kiara has known that each other exists since they were kids, but never really crossed paths more than at some party, at school or at the beach. Despite them not knowing each other, they've heard the rumours and painted their own pictures based on them. Neither of them thinks badly about the other and they also don't judge each other based on some stupid rumours. I guess you could say that they're neutral towards each other.

———

The day they met, actually met, was 6 years ago in the summer of 2017. There was a big party at the boneyard with kooks, pouges and tourons. Usually parties are kept separate between the kooks and the pouges but there are some exceptions. At these parties there's always a fifty-fifty chance of some kind of conflict between the two sides that usually ends up in a fight. Sometimes it can be the smallest thing like accidentally spilling a drink on someone, that sets it all off.

Kiara was at the party with Sarah. They were both wearing their usual party at the beach outfits, just some shorts and tank tops with a bikini underneath. Kiara isn't much of a dress up type anyway, which was why she liked these parties way more than the ones on Figure Eight where she has to wear formal clothes.

JJ was at the party with John B and Pope. They were all hanging out by some logs, drinking and smoking weed that JJ got from his cousin. The three of them were wearing their usual day to day outfits. Some kind of cargo- or swim shorts with a T-shirt and JJ a red cap on backwards, his favourite. Not really caring about their attire or appearance.

It was around 1am at night. People had been dancing, drinking, playing games, swimming in the sea and making out. No fight had taken place, only one or two small arguments but they didn't last long.

JJ started to get a little tipsy, wanting nothing else then to get shitfaced. His dad's been on him a lot lately, which usually happens when he's not doing that good with his "business". His dad ends up taking it all out on JJ, blaming every little thing on him no matter what it is.

Pope isn't much of a drinker, he always claim he wants to "keep the signal clear". John B did drink but not as much as his blonde (mildly kleptomaniac) friend.

"Hey JJ, let's go. We're gonna head back to the chateau." John B said, trying to convince JJ.

"Why? The party's just started!" JJ shouted as he stumbles over a branch and spills his beer. "Fuck." he mumbled as he's wiping of beer from his shirt.

The party hadn't just started, it was around 1am when JJ's two friends wanted to leave. And the party started at 8.

"Cause it's late and I gotta help out with the groceries tomorrow morning." Pope argued.

"Well Pope" JJ puts his arm around John B's shoulders "we don't have to soooo why don't you just go and me and John B here. Will stay and party all night."

"As much as I want to, I'm getting kinda tired JJ. So I'm gonna head home too." John B said, making JJ drop the arm from his shoulder.

"What?!" JJ looks at his friends with betrayal.

"Just come with, the party's dead anyways." John B said.

"Nah." JJ says as he adjust his cap "Y'all just leave me here alone! Don't worry about me, I'll be just fineee!" JJ drags the words out while walking away from his friends.

"You sure?" Pope says, looking in JJ's direction with an unsure expression.

"Yeahh. I'll be on the couch when you wake up! Like always!" JJ shouts as he spins around before he keeps walking.

"If you say so.. Just call if you want me to come pick you up!" John B shouts.

"Yeah yeah, promise!" JJ shouts back from a distance, throwing his arm up and signing a thumbs up.

John down B and Pope went home, taking the twinkie. JJ goes straight to the kegs to get more beer. His walking is a little bit wobbly but he manages to get there. As he's filling up the red cup he hears some people arguing behind him. At first he doesn't really care, there's always people fighting at these parties.
But then he recognises the voice.

"Aw c'mon don't be so dramatic!"

"Are you serious right now? You're the one acting like a fucking idiot!"

"It wasn't that bad, you're overreacting!"

"You tried to kiss me!"

JJ's attention goes directly towards the scene. And there he is:
Rafe Cameron.

The most kookiest asshole of them all. He's a rich snob that thinks he can say or do anything and get away with it. Drinking way too much at every party and doing heavy drugs, like cocaine and weird pills that makes you see things. Flexing either his money or muscles to make himself seem worthy. The worst part is that he always gets away with all the stupid, disrespectful and annoying things he do. His dad got his back and no one dares to do anything about it, knowing that the Cameron family has a lot of power and money.

It's quite dark so JJ can't see who the other person is. But his tipsy and noisy ass slowly walks towards them, trying to be sneaky, wanting to see and hear the rest of it. Despite him absolutely hating Rafe, it's still entertaining. And maybe John B was right, the party is kinda dead.

"C'mon it's not that big of a deal! We're just having fun!" Rafe speaks with a spiteful grin.

"You're drunk as hell. Leave before you embarrass yourself." Kiara says with an low and angry tone.

Oh.

Kiara Carrera.

JJ doesn't know the girl that well but he's seen her around parties, the beach and The Wreck, which is the restaurant her parents own. She's a kook, well half kook, cause she's not really acting like one and it's only her moms side that's kooks. It confuses JJ sometimes, how someone isn't a total jerk when you're a kook. Maybe it's just a facade of lies that she's made up to make her seem more of a kook than she actually is. The kook world is filled with lies, pretending and people who just does and says thing to look good from the outside. God he hates kooks.

But she kinda intrigues him as well.. how she manage to keep up an act for those rich and kooks all the time but as soon as she's no way near them she lets that facade down and her act disappears. One time JJ saw her surfing down at the beach. It struck him how good she was, balancing the waves like it was just as natural as walking. It looked so effortless. But he would never admit that he's a little intrigued by her. Not even to himself. And it's not like she's a better surfer than he is anyway.

Kiara is standing in front of Rafe, wearing a pair of light denim shorts and a black tank top. Her hair is tied up in a messy bun, with some hair hanging out on the sides of her face. Her wrist is covered by braided bracelets with pearls and seashells and around her neck hangs a necklace with a turtle shaped locket.

"Aw don't be like that!" Rafe says, taking a few steps forward.

"I said leave!" Kiara puts hair hand up, stopping Rafe's movement.

Rafe looks at her hand and up to her face. "Fine! Didn't think you were such a bitch." He says with a teasing tone, before waking away.

Kiara throws up her middle finger at Rafe, as he stumbles away from the scene. She lets out a loud sigh, shaking of the feeling of anger and disgust.

"Isn't he your boyfriend?" JJ asks bluntly, not really thinking before speaking. Something he does a lot, especially when he's been drinking beer.

"JJ?" Kiara turns around and faces the blonde pouge boy who looks a little out of it.

"Sup Kie." lifts his red cup and cheers in the air.

The nickname surprises them both. There's not a lot of people who knows about it. The only person that actually calls her that, is Sarah. Despite that, neither of them say anything about it. Maybe it's because it sounded quite natural in a way. In a weird way. But not bad weird?

"Where you listening in on the conversation?" Kiara says with raised eyebrows.

"Uh no I uh- Just happened to walk by y'know." JJ says, dragging his hand on the back of his neck.

"Mhm, sure."

"So?" JJ asks, taking a sip on his beer.

"So what?"

"Isn't he your boyfriend?" JJ asks again, looking down at the sand to avoid eye contact.

"Oh. God no, definitely not." Kiara shakes her head, feeling disgusted only by the thought.

"Why not?" It comes out quietly, like he's hesitant. He looks up at her through his blonde hair, that's fallen on his forehead.

Kiara feels her cheeks turning red.
In a moment, a very small one, it's like they're alone. Everything around them goes blurry.

"Cause he-"

"Hey Kie! We're gonna go swimming, you wanna join?!" Sarah shouts from the beach.

Kiara turns to the direction of her friends to voice. JJ looks down at the cup in his hand, swirling the beer around.

"Uh yeah! I'll be right there!" Kiara shouts, before turning around to JJ again.

The blurry feeling disappears quickly and is replaced by an awkward and slightly uncomfortable feeling.

"I uh- I gotta go. It was nice talking to you JJ." Kiara continues, smiling softly before walking away.

"Yeah uh.. You too." he says, smirking and lazily raising his cup in a salute.

It was now almost 3am and the weather was still quite warm. You could see the sun about to rise on the horizon. The party has gone to it's end, there was only a few people left packing up their things and eventually heading home. Kiara and Sarah has been swimming for the last 40 minutes. Enjoying the dark and chilled water. It's something special about swimming at night, it's exciting and relaxing at the same time. But it also comes with little risk or a slight feeling of fear cause you can't really see anything in the dark blue, almost black water.

The two of them are now walking along the shore with their shoes in their hands. Kiara didn't drink much this party, knowing she was the driver for the night. Sarah drank slightly more but didn't want to end up shitfaced, rather wanting to hang out with Kiara. As they're starting to head to the car, having a bit of small talk, Kiara suddenly notices something in the distance.

"Hey Sarah?" Kiara says, stopping in her tracks.

"Yeah?" Sarah stops and looks back at her friend.

"I think there's someone laying there, down by the docks."

"What?" Sarah goes up to Kiara, trying to see where she's looking.

"Look, there. Right by the water." Kiara points in the direction.

"Oh shit. Who is that?" Sarah says, squinting her eyes.

"I don't know, maybe we should check on them?"

"Kiara.." Sarah says, turning her gaze to Kiara with an unsure expression on her face.

"I know I know. It might be someone dangerous." Kiara says "But it could also be someone who needs help."

"Yeah but it's late and there's probably someone looking for them-"

"You don't know that." Kiara says determined.

"Kiara-"

"The person could be hurt or passed out!" Kiara says, interrupting her friend. "I can't just ignore it, they might need help."

Sarah sighs in answer, knowing she's lost the argument and Kiara will do whatever she wants to anyway.

"I'll meet you at the car in 5." Kiara says smiling at her victory and handing Sarah the car keys.

"Fine. But promise you'll be safe and scream as loud as you can if something happens." Sarah says with an serious tone, pointing at Kiaras face with the keys.

"I promise."

Sarah nods and the two friends go separate ways. Kiara heads towards the dock. Even though she knows it's probably not anything or anyone dangerous, her stomach turns a little and her body tenses up. Maybe she should just ignore it and go back. It's stupid to risk it, cause it could be someone violent that'll hurt her.

But she keeps going, something in her is pulling her towards the scene. Maybe it's her curiosity dying to know what or who it is, or maybe it's something else. The need of helping others? The need of being a good citizen?

Whatever it is, the possibilities being endless, she's suddenly closer to the dock than she was only seconds ago. Her mind catches up with her body and she's now only a few feet away from the dock. Her eyes tries to make out what's in front of her. It's definitely a person. They're laying on their stomach with their face pressed into their arm. As she's walking closer she can make out more of the person.

They're wearing big black boots.

A red hat.

Cargo shorts.

A sleeveless top.

And...

Shit.

"JJ?"

Kiara's now standing directly on the dock. Looking down at the body laying in front of her.

"Mhm.." he mumbles.

"Hey, JJ?" Kiara says again, a little louder.

"Uh.. Yeah?" JJ looks up, he's blinking quickly trying to see who's talking to him.

His hair is really messy and there's some strands that are sticking to his puffy and sleepy looking face. He looks really rough, and there's a small and red cut on the left side on his bottom lip. It looks fresh.

"Are you ok?" Kiara hunches down, so she's at his level.

JJ tries to get up from the ground but he fails, loosing his balance. "Ow shit."

Kiara grabs his arm in reflex, catching him in a slight awkward way. "You good?"

JJ looks up at her and immediately gets lost in her warm brown eyes, her soft hand against his bare arm feels.. "Uh I uh- I'm fine." he says with a shaky voice, adjusting his red cap.

Kiara can clearly see that he's not fine but she doesn't argue. She tells herself that they don't know each other well enough for her to argue about it. Which is true, but she also wants to argue. She wants to confront him about the cut on his lip and why he's laying passed out drunk all alone on the dock. But she can't, it would be weird.

"Where's your friends?" She asks instead, letting go of his arm.

The warm and comfortable touch that hit JJ like a wave, disappears just as quickly.

"Uh they uh-" he points in a direction, not really knowing what to say.

JJ can't think clearly, his mind is blurry from all the beer he's consumed. He's also a bit weirded out by the situation. It's not a usual situation for him, he usually just gets hammered and wakes up at the chateau with a hangover from hell. He's not really used to people caring this much, well of course Pope and John B does. They always help him when he's in need, wether he like it or not. But this is a way different situation, a completely different feeling of caring. With someone who shouldn't care, especially about him.

"You sure you're ok?" Kiara speaks, feeling a little concerned.

"Uh yeah." JJ says, coming back to reality. "I just had like 15 cups of beer I think?" JJ speaks slurry and burps.

"Shit JJ. That's a lot." Kiara say, sounding concerned.

It's weird. Why does she sound concerned?

"God I'm thirsty." JJ reaches for a cup beside him and pours it down his throat, in attempt to ignore Kiaras statement and concerned tone. "Ugh shit, it's lukewarm." He says with an disgusted grimace.

"Do you want me to call someone?" Kiara tries.

"Nah it's fine. I'll just uh- I'll just uhm.." JJ says, pointing in some random direction.

Kiara sighs at the boy and reaches for his arm, again. The warm feeling comes back like it was never gone. He wonders if she feels it too.

JJ looks at her with foggy eyes, they're blue like the ocean. The alcohol makes them glistening in the glowing light, coming from the sky and a small lantern hanging on the dock. They're slightly red too, like he's been smoking or maybe crying.

"I'll help you." Kiara says, blinking away the feeling of drowning in his ocean blue eyes.

She tries to help him up, it's a bit wobbly for a while but they finally find some kind of balance. Kiara lays his arm around her shoulders and neck, putting his weight on her.

"I'll drive you home."

"Mhm.."

The walk to the car is mostly consisted by Kiara trying her hardest not to drop JJ, JJ mumbling incoherent words, burping and loosing his balance so Kiara has to reposition him.

As the two teenagers finally gets there, Sarah is standing at the car, leaning towards the passenger door. She looks up from her phone, when she hears someone walking towards her. Her eyes meets her best friend and a almost passed out drunk, blonde boy.

"Kiara." Sarah says with an angry tone and a serious look on her face.

Kiara ignores the tone in her best friends voice and the amount of usages of her full name she's heard in the last hour. Instead she helps JJ into the backseat of the car.

"Kiara!"

"He needs help." Kiara says, not looking back.

"But-"

"I can't just leave him. He's wasted."

"I know but.. It's JJ." Sarah emphasise his name, trying to make Kiara understand without having to evaluate. But it doesn't work so she tries again. "Kiara. He's-"

"I know, it doesn't matter." she says, closing the car door and interrupting Sarah "I'm not gonna leave him here."

"But Kie, think about what your parents would say! What if they found out that you drove home a-"

"I don't care." Kiara answers "Plus it'll only be a little detour."

Sarah lets out a sigh and nods at her friend. She's too tired to argue.

"I'll drive." Kiara says, taking the keys from Sarah's hands.

That night Kiara (and Sarah) left JJ at the chateau. Sarah didn't really approve of Kiara's action back then, knowing he's a pouge that does a lot of stupid and illegal things. Sarah isn't a bad person or someone's who's quick to judge but she's also a people pleaser (or was, at this point anyway). She doesn't want, or need, her parents to know about these things because it'll only cause a scene. But Kiara didn't care, she wanted to help. No matter if her parents found out or not. So she helped him, drove him to the chateau, knowing that's where he usually hangs out (and lives?). Either way, she knew that he would be safe at John B's place. And that made her feel safe too.

The real reason why she did this wasn't really clear to her. She is a helping and caring person, who usually wants what's best for everyone but this was.. different? She was helping someone she didn't really know, but he's also not a complete stranger, and it felt like the biggest and most important thing she's ever done.

John B woke up by the sound of the car engine, meeting Kiara at the door with a wasted JJ by her side.

"Shit, what happened?" John B asks, with worry in his tone.

He doesn't question why Kiara is here, why she brought JJ here and how she knows that this is where he lives most of times. Maybe he didn't care or just wanted to focus on his best friend.

"I found him laying passed out by the docks. He has uh- drunk a lot." Kiara answers.

John B nods and a small glimpse of guilt builds up in his eyes. Kiara notices and smiles kindly to him. John B grabs one of JJ's arms and places it around his shoulders and neck. Kiara mirrors his actions and they both help JJ inside the chateau.

The inside is messy. Magazines and newspapers laying around on the tables, some beer cans here and there and clothes laying around on the floor and on furniture. But despite the mess, the atmosphere is cosy and welcoming. Kiara gets a feeling of safety and comfort in her body. The dim light from the porch and kitchen lights up the living room, the couch looks old but comfortable with all its pillows and blankets. It looks nothing like a house on Figure Eight, it looks nothing like her house, which she absolutely loves.

"We can lay him here." John B says.

Kiara meets the brunette boys eyes and nods in answer.

They help each other, laying JJ down on the pullout couch. John B grabs a blanket and puts in on his drunk friend.

"Mhmhmm.." JJ mumbles something incoherent into a cushion.

"Uh- Thanks for bringing him here." John B says.

"Of course." Kiara answers, like it's something she's done before and like it's a common occurrence.

But John B doesn't question it, he only smiles in respond.

"Kiara! Can we please go now it's almost 4am-" Sarah stumps up the porch and suddenly stops in her tracks.

The porch door is open, so Sarah's looking right into the living room where John B and Kiara stands. The two of them looks at Sarah, who's complete frozen.

"Uh yeah, sorry" Kiara looks at her friend, trying to break the ice. "Just wanted to make sure he got in ok."

Sarah just stares. Like she's in a trance. Kiara has never seen her like this before and it's confuses her until..
Kiara follows Sarah's gaze and notices it being right on the brunette boy who's standing next to her.

Oh.

Oh?

Kiara awkwardly stands between her best friend and the brunette boy. They're staring at each other, completely lost in a gaze.

"Sarah?" Kiara says, trying to break the weird tension in the room. "We should leave."

Sarah's weird trance breaks, she shakes it off and looks down at the floor as she mumbles a "yeah".

That was weird.

Kiara takes a quick glance at JJ, laying passes out on the couch. He looks peaceful and relaxed but most importantly, he's safe. The unknown knot in Kiaras stomach suddenly drops and is replaced by a feeling of comfort.

That was very weird.

Why is this having such an impact on her? Kiara shakes it off, remembering that they need to go home. She says goodbye to John B and walks out towards the car, with Sarah closely following behind her.

"What the hell was that?" Kiara spits out as soon as they close the car doors.

"I uh-" Sarah speaks but there's no answer. "Can we just go please?"

Kiara looks at Sarah for a second, trying to see if she'll break and actually answer her.

"Kie, please. Can we just go?" Sarah says again, avoiding Kiaras eye contact.

"Fine." Kiara says as she sighs loudly.

She puts the key in, starts the engine and drives off.

After leaving Sarah at her house, she drives home herself. They didn't really talk at all on the drive, but said their goodbyes as Sarah left the car.

On the way home, the nervousness she didn't really think she had, starts to fade away and gets replaced by tiredness. She was so focused on helping JJ and getting him home safely, that she didn't notice how absolutely exhausted she is.

When she's finally laying in bed, her mind wanders to the party. Everything that happened, with Rafe, the swimming, drinking and..

JJ.

Kiara has always cared about other people's health and well being, and as earlier mentioned, she always wants the best for everyone. Especially the ones she loves. But this feeling is different, it's a underlying feeling
in her stomach that she can't understand nor explain. It's weird, why is she feeling like this when she barely know him?
Whatever it is or whatever it means, the feeling is definitely new and won't go away.

And it hasn't since that night.

—————

Six years later.

John B and Sarah has been dating for four to five years of that time, and still are. They are both living at the chateau, slowly but surely renovating it. It's been in need of that for a long time, there's just haven't been enough money for it or even at all. Also they've all been on treasure hunts.
Pope finally, after so many failed attempts, got his scholarship. So he's off to college most days of the week, but he still lives at home which is nice. It means that they all still hang out and see each other at least once a week.
JJ's been working at a surf shop both selling surfboards and teaching surf lessons. It's not really a work cause he's doing it without getting paid, it's kind of a voluntary thing. He claims that he doesn't need the money when it's about surfing. Apart from that, he also helps out with the renovation of the chateau and fixes some people's broken down bikes and cars which he gets some money for. But it's not a "real" job either, guess you could call it freelance or maybe it's just a hobby that he sometimes gets a little cash for.
Kiara is still trying to figure out what she wants to do. She helps out at the surf shop sometimes and works a few shifts at The Wreck, but other than that she doesn't have much going on. She doesn't complain though, it's nice not having to worry about school or work.

Kiara and JJ are really close friends and have
been for about 6 years. Under these years, Kiara has learned to appreciate and admire his quirks and his personality. She knows him like the back of her hand, sometimes even better than John B. It's like she can read him before anyone else does, and sometimes she even feels something coming before JJ himself does. It's nothing Kiara thinks much about, it's just become a natural thing for her.

It's the same for JJ. He can sense when she's feeling sad or angry and always knows exactly what to do when that happens. It's never a question about it, he just knows what Kiara needs and/or want when she's feeling down or is in a bad mood. It's nothing he really gives any thought, it's just a normal thing for him.

It's like they compliment each other and recognise their feelings and needs. It's nothing that is spoken about, but the other pouges sees it and knows it. Sometimes even more than they do themselves.

When it come to finding people attractive, Kiara doesn't have a long list. It's not that she never does, it's just that it's hard for her to find someone attractive when she doesn't know them. There's of course those who are without a doubt straight up attractive people, like celebrities. But as earlier mentioned, Kiaras list is short.
She has always thought her friends are good looking, because she knows and loves them. She thinks John B, Pope and Sarah are beautiful in their own ways both inside and outside. But it's in a friendly way and a more natural manner. She loves them and thinks they're all good looking but it's nothing more than that, there's no romantic feeling or attraction.

But JJ is good looking in a different way.

When they first met and started hanging out, he was skinny and a bit muscular. Not really working out that much more than surfing. His skin always sun kissed and and a little red on the nose and shoulders from not wearing enough sunscreen.
Kiara has never really given it that much thought, the fact that she has a different perspective on JJ than the rest of the group. It's kind of always been there. But now, 6 years later, it's like she sees him for the first time. It's like she finally knows him really good, how he acts and behaves in every situation possible, what he likes and doesn't, how he treats different people, what he finds funny and what he's passionate about.

His blonde and messy hair, blue eyes, boyish smile and dimples is a complimented feature of  his loving and charming personality. He has not only grown so much as a person, after going through so much trauma and pain, but he's also finally getting some peace and calmness in his life. Which he deeply deserves.

But he's also really...

big.

All the surfing, running around hunting for treasures, fixing up his motorbike and the occasional weight lifting has payed off and it really shows. His skinny muscled body has transformed into a muscular dad bod type of body. And for some reason it's been hard for Kiara to keep her eyes off him lately, or specifically for the last couple of months.
It's been really hard.

It's an unusual thing, something that's a little weird and uncommon for Kiara. She's never been the type to care or notice stuff like that before, well at least not this much and especially not about her best friend. She finds people attractive from time to time, like an actor or a singer and a occasional touron now and then. It's never more than being a little attracted, but when it comes to JJ it's different.

Everything started of small and simple, just some glances at him now and then. Not really giving it much thought but knowing she admires him. But the more she hangs out with him at the chateau when he's working on his motorbike or at the surf shop, waxing boards and teaching kids how to surf the waves. The more she looks at him and thinks about him, the harder it gets to stop.

It was slightly weird at first, doing something like that considering it's her best friend. But Kiara can't deny the attraction towards him, there's something about him that draws her towards him.

Deep down she knows she's felt like this since that kegger on the beach around 6 years ago. Ever since that night, the occasional glares and looks at JJ has only became more and longer. It's like a mixed feeling of comfort and love towards the boy and a feeling of need and in some way, lust. She wants him to know he's loved, that she deeply cares for him and wants him close. But she's not admitting it to anyone, barley herself at some times.

If she were to admit it, it would become reality and she's not sure if JJ could handle that. She knows he's not someone who's good with emotions, especially not emotions of love. It's something he hasn't have much experience in and even though he's very touchy and close with John B and Pope, he's still uncomfortable in situations where it gets too emotional. She also knows she can't risk loosing their friendship. It feels stupid thinking about it in that way, like it's going to ruin everything just because she finds him attractive. But it's not that simple, it's not just attraction towards him. There's something more, something she can't quite figure out. But whatever it is, she's decided to keep it for herself and don't tell him or anyone else.

But after doing that for days, weeks, and now months. It's gotten really hard and tiresome. She's started to forget about hiding it, showing small signs here and there and making the other pouges suspicious..

———

1.
At the chateau

The wind is still and the sun is shining it's sunlight through the trees and clouds. It's a chill Saturday afternoon and the pouges have been out on the boat fishing and drinking beer all day. Pope has gone home to study for a test he has next week, Sarah and John B are inside cooking some dinner.

Kiara is laying in the hammock, lightly swinging it back and forth with her left leg hanging off the side. She's relaxed and a little tired from being out in the sun all day. For the last 30 minutes or so, she's been watching JJ take apart his motorbike. He's looking for the reason for the weird sound it makes when he starts the engine. Kiara had told him it would be easier just to take it to a mechanic and have them take a look and listen to the sound, just to confirm how bad it is. But JJ refused. He said he can do that himself, which he means is both way cheaper and less sketchy cause "you can't trust mechanics". But that was nearly an hour ago and he hasn't really made any progress yet, despite taking apart the gas pipe.

But Kiara doesn't comment about it. She simply just enjoys the view and the company. She loves hanging out with JJ and being around him. There's always this relaxed and comfortable atmosphere that doesn't get uncomfortable when it's silent.

"Can you throw me that screwdriver?"

The sound of JJ's voice interrupts Kiara's thoughts. She looks around the hammock and down on the ground, spotting the screwdriver laying underneath the tree.

Kiara reaches for it and lazily throws it towards him. It lands close to his feet with a small thud.

"Thanks." JJ says, grabbing it without taking his eyes of the motorbike.

He seems very focused, which would be a rare sight for those who don't know him. JJ usually acts with impatience and impulsiveness, having a "do before thinking of possible consequences" kind of behaviour. He's always doing something, he rarely sits still, whether it's fiddling with his lighter or drumming his fingers against the car seat. But when it comes to fixing mechanical issues, or rolling a joint for that matter, he gets really concentrated at the task at hand.

One time Kiara almost got caught staring at him while rolling a joint. The way his eyebrows furrowed and how he licked the thin paper of the joint, was so hot. It nearly broke her, she couldn't look at him normally for over a week.

Kiara likes when he gets completely focused on something. It's a moment of peace, where he can concentrate on something without having hundreds of different thoughts taking up his entire mind.

She turns her gaze towards JJ, having her complete attention to him, how he moves and breathes. His eyebrows scrunches together a little when he spins the screwdriver, his jaw tightens and he lightly bites down on his lips. His arms are slightly flexed and there's some sweat forming on his forehead. His adams apple gets really visible when he bends his head back and wipes the sweat off with the back of his hand.

Shit.

She's staring.

Again.

It's so addicting.

She can't stop.

God fucking dammit Kiara, pull it together.

But it's easier said than done. Her whole body is full of shivers and goosebumps. The feeling is so intense and also so comforting and addicting. That's the only way she can describe it, there's always been a comfort aura to JJ that she loves. She gravitates towards him like she's never have to anyone before. But now there's also this addicting feeling that she can't shake off and doesn't want to shake off.

After a few minutes of being stuck in her gaze, and JJ still trying to fix the bikes issue, Kiara begins to sense that he's starting to lose his patience. He's not being as precise and careful anymore, he's rather being quick and impulsive with his movements. His jaw is clenched and he's gritting his teeth. Kiara sees that it's building up inside him, that it's starting to blow up. Usually she'd calm him down or distract him before it gets to far. But this isn't a usual situation, Kiara isn't feeling bad for him as she usually does, instead she's feeling...

"Fuck." JJ says with a raspy and low voice.

The word is almost inaudible but just loud enough for Kiara to hear. His low and dark voice makes her lose focus completely and it sends immediate tingles between her legs. He keeps swearing under his breath, gripping the wrench in his hand harder and harder so his veins get visible.

Kiara can't move, it's like she's stuck in a trance. It's such an strange feeling that feels so dominating and strong but she doesn't want it to go away. Her heart is racing and her mind is filled with thoughts, dirty and sexual thoughts.

His hands, mouth, arms, hair, neck..

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Kiara clenches her legs together, biting her bottom lip.

"Keep it together." Kiara mumbles to herself.

JJ's getting even more tired and is loosing his patience, which brings out his impulsiveness. He mutters words under his breath as he tries to wrench a screw, but he can't quite reach it. His face is focused, biting and licking his lips and furrowing his eyebrows. He fumbles with it for a while, but his movements are too aggressive and quick that he eventually explodes.

"FUCK! Piece of shit!" JJ shouts angrily in frustration and throws the wrench against the nearest tree.

When he does, his shirt lifts up a little showing his v-line and the top edge of his underwear. He pulls on his hair in frustration and kicks a can of beer laying on the ground.

"Shit!" JJ growls, before letting out a breath.

His actions sends tingles through her whole body and fills her mind with dirty thoughts. The picture of his lower torso is stuck in her head. The peace of skin that leads down to..

Kiara can see he's frustrated and upset by it,  struggling to calm down. She tries to shake the feeling off but it's so hard. Why is she having this reaction to him when there's no reason for it?

Right?!

Right?

Right..?

Kiara knows there's a reason and she knows exactly what it is. She just tries her hardest to deny, especially for herself.

But she can't. Cause there's only one explanation for her reactions and it's really hard to push down and deny.

Fucking shit.

He makes her horny.

So horny.

"Hey! Maybe you should take a break from that?" John B shouts from the patio.

John B's voice makes Kiara snap back to reality and she immediately starts to blush. Her cheeks are burning hot at the realisation that she's turned on by her best friend.
By JJ.

JJ turns to face the patio. "Why's that?"

"The food is ready and you're getting impatient with the bike." John B says.

"I'm not." JJ says with an defensive tone.

"Yes you are. I saw you throw that wrench at the three." John B says, motioning to the wrench laying on the ground underneath the three. JJ follows his motions and scratches the back of his head.

"I'm surprised Kie hasn't said anything." John B continues and turns his attention to Kiara.

The sudden attention startles her a little, interrupting her thoughts.

"Uh I- I didn't notice until.. I didn't see it cause I had my eyes closed." Kiara says with a weird and uncertain tone, it's obvious that she's lying but neither of the boys say anything about it.

"Well the food's ready now. You two coming?" John B says.

"Yup, coming." JJ says as he grabs his cap from the ground and puts in on backwards.

Kiara stands up and grabs her bag, she doesn't have time to think clearly. All she knows is that she has to leave. Now.

She tries to make up an good and logical excuse to leave but just goes with-

"I have to go home. Dad texted."

It's an dumb excuse. Her dad is working late at the restaurant and usually texts her later when he's home asking where she is and that it's almost curfew. She always stays for as long as possible, until the last second.
Kiara forgets about that detail, but not JJ. He reacts immediately, looking at her with wondering eyes, but he doesn't say anything.

"Oh ok, see you tomorrow then." John B says, clearly not seeing any problem.

"Uh yeah. Bye."

"Bye."

Kiara storms off towards her truck, ignoring the looks from JJ.  She starts the engine and drives off way to quickly for it not to be suspicious.

The plan was never to leave, she was actually supposed to stay at the chateau with the rest and eat dinner, maybe even stay there for the night if her parents would let her. It's routine, it's what she's always done and always do. But after that little incident with JJ and the weird trance feeling thing, whatever the fuck that was, she couldn't bare to look at him or even be in the same room as him anymore.

Kiara is laying in bed, it's been a few hours since she came home and she's now trying to sleep. But her head is filled with thoughts of JJ. How the veins on his neck got visible when he shouted, dragging his fingers through his hair in frustration. The heavy breathing and the slight sweat forming on his for head and back as he's biting and licking his lips in concentration and then in slight anger.

She keeps replaying the scene in her head, how his arms flexed, his rough hands spinning the screwdriver, the rings around his fingers hugging them perfectly and that goddamn neck.

Seeing JJ all worked up and frustrated, throwing the wrench so he's shirt lifted up.

Fuck.

He's so fucking hot.

Kiara's mind wanders to thoughts about how it would feel to touch him. Not the normal kind of touch they share, like a hug or pat on the shoulder, but a touch in a loving and intimate way. To drag her hands through his hair, down his cheeks, neck, arms and chest. To fiddle with the rings on his fingers and place his hands on her bare skin. Pull him as close as human possible, feeling his warmth and body against hers.

The thoughts runs through her mind with all the images of JJ, sending shivers through her whole body.

His hands.. So rough.. And the silver rings perfectly wrapped around his fingers..

Kiara arches her head back as her hand travels down into her underwear. She gently pushes her middle finger inside and almost moans at the feeling.

She starts to move her fingers, her imagination quickly thinking that it's his fingers. His rough and warm hands with rings around his fingers, going in and out.

"Fuck" Kiara whispers low into her dark room.

These feelings and thoughts keep coming, they barley even left. Kiara's mind is always thinking of JJ in some way, which is both comforting and nice but also very frustrating and exhausting.

———

2.
At the beach.

2 weeks later.

Kiara is out on the waters with her surfboard, catching every wave she possibly can. The last few hours have been spent on trying to relax. Her shift at the Wreck was nerve wracking and patience testing. Usually the shifts goes by pretty fast and it's sometimes even a little bit fun. But today there was a lot of costumers being rude and sexist. Kiara can handle quite a lot, being called slow and not get the orders out quickly enough, spilling drinks or dealing with drunk customers.
But when people act through sexism, with a clear message that it's meant to trigger her. The bar is significantly lower. She tried her best not to "cause a scene", as her parents call it. She managed to keep her anger inside but it takes a lot of energy and effort to not act on it and instead just ignore it. So much that it ended up being way more exhausting than she thought.
Which is why she's now trying to relax and forget about her awful day, by surfing the waves.

She rides some big waves a couple of times, feeling the water tickle her skin. Surfing is one thing she does to shift her focus away from bad things, like a bad shift or her parents. Sometimes both. The waves feels harmonic and soothing against her skin.

Kiara takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. She's now sitting on her board with her legs hanging down on the sides, she's dragging her hands through the water. There's not a single soul around at this hour, people are still at school or work or on their way home. The nature sounds calms her down. The sound of water splashing against the shore is a type of relaxation that can't be replaced.

"Hey! Kie!"

A voice interrupts her calm and relaxing moment. It's a familiar voice.

Kiara opens her eyes and looks towards the beach.

JJ.

"What?!" Kiara shouts back.

"We've been looking all over for you!" JJ shouts.

Why did they do that, Kiara thinks to herself. They could've just called or left a text-

"You weren't at the wreck?" JJ shouts again.

"Oh shit." Kiara mumbles to herself.

They were supposed to pick her up after work. Her mind was full of anger from the sexist and rude costumers, that she completely forgot about that. They we're gonna hang out at the chateau, maybe go out on the boat and fish.

"Kie!" JJ shouts. "You coming or what?!"

"Uh- Yeah! Coming!" Kiara shouts back and paddles to shore.

Kiara climbs off the surfboard and places it under her arm, walking the rest of the way until she reaches shore. She puts down the board on the sand and looks up at JJ.

"You good?" JJ says with an undertone of worry as he meets Kiaras eyes.

She is now.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

JJ instantly sense that something's up with Kiara, something's wrong. He felt it as soon as they drove up to the wreck and she wasn't there. She didn't stand leaning on the fence with her elbows or sit down on the stairs leading down to the parking lot like she always do, waiting to be picked up. She's always on time or at least texts if something's come up. But the fact that she didn't do any of the things listed above, meant something had happened, good or bad. JJ's first thought was that her parents had said or done something, they are always on her about everything including the pouges, especially JJ.

Her parents doesn't approve of Kiara hanging around the pouges. They trust Sarah the most and they know Pope have good parents, John B is practically a orphan but not a bad person per say and then there's JJ who's a whole different story. They've never liked him, always thought of him as a criminal with a shitty reputation that comes with bad influence. They see him as a copy of his abusive father, acting strictly from impulsiveness without any sense of responsibility or consequential thinking. It's like they're scared it's going to impact their daughter's life.

Kiara has tried, countless of times, to convince her parents that JJ isn't what he seems to be and what people say he is. Especially not like his dad. But it's not worth it in the end, cause their minds are set and won't ever change.

"You sure?" JJ asks, looking at Kiara with slightly raised eyebrows. "You seem.. tired."

JJ isn't an emotional type of guy, he doesn't really offer to talk about feelings when someone's sad or upset, he's more likely to try and cheer the person up in. Distraction is one of his ways to cheer someone up, by making jokes or doing something funny he makes the person feel better without talking about it.

But with Kiara, it's almost always been different. They've shared a handful of deep conversations and he always asks her when he notices that she's not feeling good. Sometimes he asks right away, in a causal manner, but most times he asks when it's only them around. He doesn't want her to feel pressured or uncomfortable about having to share anything with him nor with any of the pouges. So he's cautious and careful, asking her and showing that he care, even though he's not the best at giving advice. At least not according to himself.

Kiara sighs. "Yeah, just a shitty day at work."

"Aaah." JJ nods, connecting the dots. "So you went surfing to clear your head."

"Yeah." Kiara says, grabbing her T-shirt and pulling it over her head.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Kiara hears in JJ's tone that he would, deep deep down, rather not talk about it cause he finds it hard. It's always been difficult for him to be emotional and reach out to help or for help. But she knows he'll do it for her. His fear isn't big enough to not ask, to not care and wanting to be there for her. The gesture makes her stomach tingle and her heart jump.

"Not much to say. Just some assholes acting like assholes."

"As always then." JJ says jokingly in attempt to make her feel a little better.

Kiara loves his smile and appreciates his way of showing he cares. It's always so simple and lighthearted with him, there's no pressure to show emotions or having to talk. There's just them, JJ and Kie, in their silent agreement that neither of them has to say or do anything. It's like they're in their own little bubble.

"Yeah, unfortunately." Kiara chuckles.

"Well, shall we go? The others are at the chateau." JJ says, smiling.

"Uh.. Yeah. I just-" Kiara says, trying to find an excuse not to leave.

She's still got a lot on her mind and even though hanging out with the pouges, with her friends, would bring her joy and make her think of something else, she doesn't want to. She feels the need to sort her head out or maybe just stare into the ocean for awhile, clear her mind. Her current state and mood isn't really fitting for small talk and joking around, so she'd rather stay here. At least for a little longer.

"Or I can drop you off at your house?" JJ continues.

"No no. I just-" Kiars tries once again, to figure out what to say or how to explain.

"Is something wrong?" JJ says with a little worry in his tone, taking a small step forward.

"No. I'd just rather stay here." She says blankly.

Which is the truth, not just the whole truth.

JJ furrows his eyebrows. "But-"

"But you should go, tell them I said sorry for not showing up." Kiara says giving him a quick smile.

She sits down on her surfboard, looking out on the water, wrapping her arms around her legs.
Kiara's heart beats fast, there's a heavy feeling in her chest and stomach. Nervousness.

She tries to take a deep breath, stabilising herself. The relaxed and non pressured feeling isn't as strong as it normally is, there's rather a feeling of uncertainty and shyness. Something that she's never really experienced before, especially with JJ.

She tries to focus on the waves and the horizon, hoping that JJ takes the hint and leave, that he goes back to the chateau.

"So what happened?" JJ says, plopping down next to her on the surfboard.

But he doesn't.

"Some guys made sexist jokes." Kiara says, letting out a sigh as her head fills with flashbacks. "It was fine the first two or three times, well I mean I could handle it then, but after hearing it over and over again my whole shift.. It got frustrating as shit."

"So you lectured them on sexism and inequality?" JJ says with a smirk.

"Nah. I left, early." Kiara looks down at her knees. "Couldn't cause a scene y'know. It's bad for business." Kiara says, imitating her parents words.

"Fuck business." JJ says bluntly.

JJ's sudden reaction makes Kiara turn her head and look at him.

"If there's someone bugging you in anyway, you should do something about it." JJ says casually, throwing a stick into the water. "Can't let them get away with it."

"Yeah but-"

"I know, it's not that easy." JJ interrupts already knowing what she'll say next. "I'm just saying that you shouldn't have to keep up with those things. It's not fair y'know" JJ says, slightly gritting his teeth causing his jaw to clench.

"It's fine JJ. I'm fine now." Kiara says reassuring him that there's no need to worry.

Cause she is fine.
Especially when he's here.

That part gets left out. But it's something she's thinking about. A lot. Especially recently.

"Yeah.. Just text next time, kay? So I- So we don't have to worry so much." JJ says.

The I was quickly covered but didn't go unnoticed. Kiara heard that part loud and clear, like it was emphasised.

"Of course, I promise."

———

3.
The HMS pouge.
2 days later.

The pouges are all on the boat fishing, drinking beer and or sun bathing. It's an sunny and slightly windy afternoon, perfect for all the above.

"We're out of beer." John B says, shutting the lid on the cooler.

The sound of the lid hitting the box, makes the rest turn their heads and face John B.

"Well, we're only a few minutes away from the gas station." Sarah says, smirking.

"Haven't we drank enough?" Pope says, putting his empty beer bottle in a reusable bag.

Now everyone turns to look at Pope instead. All giving him a look.

"Ok fine. Guess not." Pope surrenders, throwing his hands up.

Sarah pulls a 20 dollar bill from her bag and waves with it. "Beers on me, but I'm not buying."

"Me neither." Pope and John B says in union.

"I'll do it. I'm the best liar." JJ says confidently as he takes the money from Sarah's hands.

John B chuckles at his friends statement and pulls the boat up at the docks.

"I'll be back in a minute." JJ says readjusting his cap and hops of the boat.

"Wait. I'll come with." Kiara says impulsively and quickly follows him before anyone gets a chance to reply or react.

—

"Ok sooo.." JJ starts "Let's do Heineken, glass bottles. The finer version." He continues with a smirk.

"Of course." Kiara answers, trying to hide her smile.

They walk along the drink isle. The roof lights are warm yellow and there's some mainstream pop music playing from the radio on the pay disk.

JJ doesn't seem to be bothered by Kiaras sudden action, it's actually completely normal that she's joining him. They're best friends and very close. They're the "B team", those who team up whenever there's a reason to split up the group. On occasion Kiara joins Sarah instead but it's mostly her and JJ whether it's a mission or just buying beer, like they are doing now.

But after the last weeks, now almost months, Kiara can't help to feel butterflies in her stomach whenever JJ's near. His company brings such calmness and safety to her, that can only be explained by-

"Earth to Kie?" JJ says as he waves his hand in front of Kiara's face.

"Uh, yeah?"

"Should we buy a pack of ten or two packs of six?"

"I uh.." Kiara says, trying to answer.

"You good?" JJ says, instantly noticing her nervous behaviour.

"Yeah, let's take two packs of six." Kiara says with a smile.

"Sure. Let's grab some chips on the way out too."

Kiara grabs three bags of chips, one dortio and two bags of lay's.

They plop everything down on the counter and is greeted by an raised eyebrow. Kiara feels her hands getting sweaty from nervousness, technically they are allowed to buy alcohol. It's just that neither of them have any form of ID, well Kiara does but not currently on her. But JJ just acts like there's no problem at all.

"That's a beautiful picture" JJ says casually, motioning to the wall behind the counter.

There's a picture of a woman, maybe in her late thirties to early forties, she's wearing a necklace with a red flower and her hair is black and long. She's smiling, with her whole face and there's a date on the left corner.

August 14th 1994.

"Yeah. It's my wonderful wife, Henrietta." The man answers, looking back at the picture with a smile. "She loved sitting by the window in the kitchen, drawing and watching the birds."

"My mom did too" JJ says. Kiara reacts at the mention of his mom, it's something he never brings up. But he keeps going. "She used to say the birds were a sign of freedom and playfulness. Something that she always wanted me to be, free and playful." JJ's tone is steady but with a hint of sadness and vulnerability as he gives the man a small smile.

"Your mother is a very wise woman." The man smiles back as he scans the items in front of him.

"Uh yeah, she wa- is." JJ answers, trying to keep his smile. It's slightly forced but genuine.

"That'll be 11.50." The man says smiling back, clicking in the amount on the register.

JJ hands him the 20 dollar bill, gets the change and grabs the beer and bags of chips, placing it on top of each other in his arms.

"Have a great day sir!" JJ says overly polite before directly heading out.

Kiara quickly follows behind, throwing a quick smile to the man.

—

"Finally!" Sarah sighs in relief.

"If it isn't the tortoise and the tortoise." Pope says sounding slightly annoyed.

"JJ had some small talk with the owner." Kiara simply answers her annoyed friends.

"Of course." John B says smirking playfully.

"What? Do you want this or not cause me and Kie could just have it all to ourselves."

Me and Kie.

Kiara shakes the blushing feeling away quickly, hoping that no one noticed.

"No chance! That's my money you're carrying there Jay." Sarah says.

"Just get on will you? We've waited long enough for y'all to come back." Pope says, gesturing to the boat he's currently on.

"Fine, but if any of you complain again me and Kie are leaving." JJ climbs onboard.

There it is again. Only seconds after the first. It's probably nothing, something he could've said about any of the pouges and not just about her. He usually throws stuff out without a thought, sometimes they're stupid and impulsive but sometimes they're really meaningful and sweet. He isn't someone who likes showing his emotions so he's built up a wall to protect himself. But the wall crumbles and cracks sometimes, showing glimpse of what he actually feels or think. Maybe this was one of those moments?

Kiara can't deny the feeling that it isn't a coincidence. Maybe it was the first time he said it, it sounded so casual and but he did it two times. Why did he do that? Maybe everything that's happened the last couple of weeks isn't just in her head. The feeling might be.. god she barley dares to think it.

It might be mutual.

"Yeah yeah, let's just go." John B says, breaking Kiara's roller coaster of thoughts.

———

4.
The twinkie
4 days later

Kiara is sitting in the back of the beaten up van, lost in thought. She hears the others talking about the kegger that's coming up, planning what they'll bring and if they should meet up at the chateau afterwards or not. Kiara hasn't really been excited about the kegger, she usually is cause she loves to hangout with the pouges. But her head has been spinning since she and JJ last talked. It's filled with thoughts and different kinds of "what ifs". She's analysing and reflecting on every single detail, over and over again just in case she missed something.

It happened four days ago at the chateau, after they've got back from being out on the boat.

~Flashback~

After being out on the water the whole day, tanning, swimming and drinking, the five pouges are all scattered around the yard. John B on a sun chair with Sarah on his lap, Pope on the ground with a log as back support and Kiara on the hammock swinging her arm of the side with JJ beside her.

They've just eaten some left over food from the wreck, grilled some marshmallows and drunk the last beers that Kiara and JJ bought earlier. They're all sitting in silence, listening to the wind blowing in the trees and cicadas in the grass.

Kiara likes that they don't always have to talk, that they're comfortable enough with each other that they can sit in silence. This time the silence is caused by their tiredness. They're all very tired from the long day, even though they haven't done anything special it still takes energy to be out in the sun. It wasn't the worst kind of blazing sun, but the summers are still hot in the OBX. Kiara can feel her shoulders slightly burn, she'd put on sunscreen but forgot to reapply after she had gone in the water. She looks down at her legs, they're tanned but doesn't look burned.

Kiara turns her head to the side, looking at JJ who's lost in thought. His nose and cheeks are a little red and there's some slight freckles forming on the bridge of his nose. He looks so soft and warm, like a cosy and tired puppy. Kiara loves when he looks like this, tired and worn out from being with the pouges. It makes her feel happy inside, that he's had such a good time that he's now totally exhausted.

"Stop staring Kie." JJ mumbles and shifts his position, not meeting her eyes.

"I'm not." Kiara says turning her head back to look at the sky.

"Mhm. Sure."

Kiara rolls her eyes, ignoring the growing feeling of butterflies in her stomach.

"God I'm so sore. Feels like I've been hit by a truck." JJ groans, trying to find a comfortable position.

Kiara chuckles. "You haven't even done anything."

"Excuse me? I've been going at it all day, that sun and water combo takes you out." JJ states proudly.

"Yeah and beer, that's what's hit you the hardest." Kiara's sarcasm is loud and clear.

"Oh really?" JJ says, with a dating and playful tone. "Explain this then." JJ lifts up his shirt just above the navel.

"Shit Jay, what the hell?!" Kiara's sudden reaction and outburst alerts the other pouges.

Pope who was stuck in thought turns his head towards the scene. John B is quick up at his feet with Sarah close behind. "What happened?"

"JJ's got-"

"Nothing." JJ answers quickly and pulls down his shirt, interrupting Kiara.

His light tone disappears and Kiara immediately sense that he's uncomfortable. He doesn't want the others to know, he showed her. Only her.
The other three pouges looks at them with question-marks on their faces.

Kiara is quick to save the situation. "He snatched some cigarettes at the gas station."

"God JJ, you can never just pay?"

"I gave you 20 dollars!"

"You just had to do that, huh bird?"

The jokes, teasing and slight annoyed words keeps coming from John B, Sarah and Pope. JJ relaxes and jokes back, saying it's what he does and he gotta keep up his reputation.

After a while Sarah starts yawning, tugging at John B's arm to signal she wants to go to bed. Pope grabs some empty bottles and joins the couple inside. Kiara shuffles out of the hammock and picks up her shoes laying on the ground.

"Kie wait." He climbs out of the hammock and stands in front of her.

Kiara raises her eyebrow in a questioning expression. "Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"Of course."

Kiara's answer is simple and true, she'd always be there for him no matter what. She would never push him to do or say something he didn't want to, but she can't help herself to wonder where those mark came from. She'd been by his side almost the whole day and he's been shirtless most of it, so why didn't she notice it earlier?

She knows she shouldn't push her luck with JJ right now, he's just came out of a vulnerable state. The more logical side of her is saying she should wait, ask him later. But she can't help herself, she needs to know now.

"What happened Jay?"

JJ's eyes shifts to the ground, the sky and everywhere that isn't Kiara. His hand meets his hair and neck, slightly pulling and scratching.

"Fell." JJ says low.

Kiara sighs internally, she knew he'd deny it and lie but it still disappoints her a little. She wants JJ to feel free to tell her anything and deep down she knows he does but she also knows that he's very protective of his emotions.

"When? You didn't have those before, on the boat." Kiara speaks gently, following his act.

"On the way here." JJ doesn't let his act fall, not even crack a little.

"Does it hurt?"

"Nah it's fine. Looks worse than it is."

"You sure? It looked really painful Jayj."

"Can you stop?" JJ snaps at her. "It's fine ok? I'm fine. Just drop it!"

Kiara looks down, kicking her feet on the ground. "Yeah sure." She says low. "Sorry for caring." Her voice comes out more annoyed than she anticipated.

JJ heard her annoyed tone loud and clear. "God can you just-" JJ begins sounding worked up. "I shouldn't have showed you it in the first place, cause it's nothing! Ok?! So don't worry about it!"

"But you're clearly upset JJ. If you only fell you wouldn't be so angry about me asking."

"Why can't you just leave it alone?" JJ snaps.

"Cause you're hurt JJ!"

"It's just a little scratch!"

"Your lower stomach is almost completely covered in purple bruises and red marks, that's not just a little scratch JJ." Kiara says with a serious and slightly annoyed tone.

"So what?! It's nothing that hasn't happened before. Just let it go." He spits the words out like it's venom on his tongue.

Nothing that hasn't happened before.

That's a sentence he says when he's referring to his dad. When he's referring to the ongoing assault and abuse, that's still hasn't completely gone away even though Luke's left the island years ago. It's not something he does a lot, speak or mention his dad that is. He's not done that in a while.

"What do you mean?" Kiara asks cautiously.

Is your dad back? Did he do this to you?

Questions runs through Kiara's head, the questions that she's actually asking. And JJ knows that immediately.

"It's not him." JJ speaks low and direct.

"Then who-"

"No one. I already told you what happened." JJ's voice is sharp. "I fell."

"How? On what?" Kiara's losing her calmness, her voice is sharp too.

"Why does it matter?"

"Cause I don't believe you!" Kiara's almost yelling now.

JJ grits his teeth's in anger, trying not to lose his temper. He knows his reason is bullshit, of course he didn't fall. A fall doesn't cause those wounds if you don't fall on hard and sharp metal or something. He also knew Kiara wouldn't believe him, she knows him too well. And that's exactly what's so frustrating, that he can't throw a lie or joke about stuff however he want or whenever he want. Kiara will always know he's covering the truth.

"So what?! So what if I'm lying or not? It makes no fucking difference anyway!" JJ storms up to her, throwing his hands up in frustration.

"If you tell the truth I can help you!"

"But I don't need your help! What don't you understand Kie? My shit is my problem, not yours or any of the pouges!"

"God JJ." Kiara sighs and chuckles a little. "What don't you understand? Whatever happens to any of us, we handle it together! We're a team Jay. B team."

JJ grits his teeth and takes a sharp inhale. "It's not a big deal Kie, can we just drop it." JJ says, looking defeated and tired.

It's late, they've been out all day in the sun and are all tired and/or sunburned.

Kiara looks at him. "Yeah, ok."

"Truce?" JJ says extending his hand to do the pouge handshake.

Kiara shakes her head and sighs before looking up at him and extending her hand. "Truce."

-
End of flashback

"Hey Kie."

Sarah's voice breaks her thoughts and shifts her focus back to reality.

"Yeah?"

"You didn't answer the question."

"Sorry I zoned out." Kiara says. "What question?"

"Nothing special, we were just talking about JJ doing some trick on the waves." Pope says.

"I've actually done it a few times but it's been a while." JJ says proudly.

"Yeah yeah." John B says rolling his eyes through the back mirror. "Sarah was just asking if you think JJ should try it."

"What's the trick?"

"A tail slide." Pope says, about to continue but he gets interrupted by JJ.

"It's a contemporary maneuver that involves letting the tail of the surfboard slide down the wave face." JJ begins sounding like he's reading the wikipedia page on surf tricks. "The key is getting the fins free of the wave by shifting your body weight from the back foot to the front foot."

His face is lightened up with excitement and passion, which is another thing Kiara loves about him. How he can do and talk about the things he really like and are passionate about for hours, like a little kid who's excited about getting ice cream. Maybe he's not thinking about their last conversation, maybe he's dropped it and doesn't care. Well that makes one of them.

"It's one of the hardest tricks cause you gotta find a balance." Pope says, ending JJ's long explanation.

Kiara smirks. "Doesn't sound too difficult." She says, matching the playful atmosphere.

"Wow Kie, are you challenging JJ?" John B says smiling wide into the back mirror.

"Maybe I am."

"Oooh." Pope and Sarah says.

"It's on." JJ says low and looks her right in the eyes.

"Let's see if you can manage, Maybank."

-

The twinkie pulls up at Rixon's Cove, John B, Pope and Sarah are quick to head out but JJ isn't moving.

"Jay, you coming?" Kiara asks, turning to him at the door.

"Uh yeah.."

The pouges are now the beach because John B decided that they had to settle this right now. Everyone got really excited about it, adrenaline rushing through the air. The pouges loves to play and challenge each other, it's a little childish but that's what makes their friendship so special and fun. JJ loves the adrenaline of a good challenge, he loves proving people wrong and of course the attention of succeeding.

But what JJ had forgot in all the excitement, was that his wounds still hadn't healed yet. They had definitely faded but you'd also definitely and clearly see them in the sunlight. He had managed to hide it from anyone seeing cause he's always wearing a shirt, but how was he supposed to do that now?

JJ pushes the thoughts away and says a "Coming" before grabbing his surfboard. He follows Kiara out of the twinkie and catches up with the others.

"I don't know guys, the waves doesn't look that good." JJ tries, looking out at the water.

That's a lie, they look annoyingly good.

"You're kidding right? They're huge." John B says, gesturing toward the water.

"Yeah, there shouldn't be any problem doing the trick. The waves are perfect." Pope says, backing up John B's statement.

"Yeah but-"

"You scared Jay?" Sarah says mockingly.

"Hell no." JJ's quick to respond, never backing down from a challenge.

-

JJ executes the trick perfectly, without any flaw or errors. It doesn't matter if he felt a bit on edge about them potentially seeing his wounds, when it comes to surfing his focus automatically turns on. JJ's always been a good surfer, yet Kiara still forgets how good he is. It's truly impressive, he rides the waves so effortlessly like it's as natural and normal as walking or breathing.

Kiara watches him in awe and cheers him on together with John B, Sarah and Pope. From this far way they can't see his wounds, especially when he's moving.

"Wooohoo! Way to go JJ!" John B cheers.

"Hell yeah JJ!" Sarah shouts and waves her hands in the air.

Pope ??

"You did it Jay!" Kiara shouts as he lands the trick flawlessly.

But something's wrong. JJ doesn't shout back or does any kind of victory gestures. He's usually full of adrenaline and excitement when he completes a challenge, but not this time. Not even a little bit. And of course Kiara notices first.

"Guys." Kiara says with a more serious tone than earlier, getting their attention. "Something's not right."

Sarah goes up to Kiara, looking out at the water and notices JJ's lack of movement. "You're right, why is he just sitting there?"

"Maybe he's just catching a break." John B proposes.

"But he just did a difficult trick, he should be bouncing in excitement." Kiara says, not breaking her gaze from JJ.

"Yeah, true." John B says. "Hey JJ! You good man?" He shouts out on the water.

But JJ doesn't respond, he barley moves.

Shit something's really wrong. Kiara's mind spins of different possibilities to why he's not his excited and happy self. Maybe something happened that he's not telling them, maybe he's feeling sick or-

His wounds.

Shit shit shit.

"I'm going out there." Kiara says, throwing of her tank top and shorts. "Y'all can go back to the twinkie, we'll meet you back there soon."

"Yeah of course, just shout if you need anything." Sarah says with an understandingly smile.

Pope and John B smiles at her as well before they leave together with Sarah. Neither of them questioning Kiara's sudden decision.

He's not too far out but the waves makes it harder to swim.

"Hey Jayj?" Kiara speaks as she finally reaches him. "Got room for one more?" She says motioning to the surfboard he's sitting on.

"Uh yeah, course." JJ shakes his thoughts away and moves back a little on the surfboard.

Kiara climbs up and sits with her legs on each side. She doesn't say anything more for a while, catching her breath a little and reading JJ's vibe. He seems lost and conflicted. His eyes are diverting from one place to another after each blink. He's fiddling with the rings on his fingers, twisting them, taking them off and putting them back on.

"How you feeling?" Kiara says gently, breaking the silence between them.

JJ drags his wet hair away from his face. "It's good." He says still not looking at her.

"Good?" Kiara says teasingly, raising her eyebrows and smirking. "You legit just landed the sickest trick I've ever seen! It looked so effortless and amazing Jay."

"Yeah well.." He fidgets with his rings.

"Don't be all modest about it Jayj, it was really cool." Kiara's smiles genuinely at him.

"Thanks Kie."

There's a short pause between them. A short moment of silence. The only sound being the waves rocking against their legs and the surfboard.

"The others went back to the twinkie so it's all safe to go to shore."

One thing about Kiara is that she doesn't need to say everything all the time, she doesn't need to vocalise that she knows how he feels or what the matter is about. She does so because he's not the most open person when it comes to these things, it's gotten much better through the years but he still struggles.

But JJ really appreciates it nonetheless. Even if she sometimes forces him to talk or in someway express his emotions, he still appreciates her so much. She's the only one who knows what he needs and not in certain situations, sometimes better than himself. For instance in situations where he panics, he finds it difficult to know what to say or do, he's not capable of making decisions. So Kiara sometimes does it for him, which is a huge help and it always works.

"Uh yeah, right. Just got a little-" JJ fumbles with his words, trying to give her something to work with but it's hard.

"I know. It's ok." Kiara's voice is comforting, she doesn't need to hear him say anything cause she already knows. "Let's go back to shore."

Even though JJ appreciates her comforting presence and words, it still doesn't sit right with him that she's worried about him. He hates feeling like his mistakes affects her, or any of the pouges. He doesn't want neither of them to be worried or feel any kind of sorry for him, cause it's not their fault, responsibility or business. It's his, only his. He can, and needs, to take care of it himself and not let it pour over their life's.

JJ looks down at his wounds before reaching for his shirt that's laying on the sand. They're fading and healing but they're still visible. It doesn't hurt anymore, was a bit painful the first two days but he got used to it and then it went away almost completely. But it's still a little sore so if you put too much pressure on it, it stings a bit.

JJ can feel Kiara's eyes burning into the skin of his stomach, he sighs.

"It doesn't hurt anymore so you can stop worrying now." JJ speaks, aiming for a reassuring tone but it comes out more like an annoyed one.

"Jayj-"

"I don't want you to worry about me." JJ looks up at her, meeting her eyes with his red and watering ones. Still holding his shirt, nearly gripping on to it like an lifeline.

"I know. I don't want that either but it's so hard not to, cause you never give me any kind of reassurance that you're actually fine." Kiara knows it's risky to say this but she wants him to know.

"I said I was fine like 10 times Kie."

"Yeah and you were lying every time." Kiara simply states.

JJ drags his hand through his hair in frustration. It's hard when she's right, he can't deny it cause she knows him too well.

"I try not to bring it up cause I don't want to force you to tell me." Kiara continues, having a calm and steady tone. "I just want you to feel comfortable enough to do it cause you want to, cause you need my help or my comfort."

Her words have such an clear underlying meaning to them. She's finally saying what she truly means instead of covering it with other words. But it's still not the exact words she wants to say. The exact three words.

"I do feel comfortable enough it's just-" JJ grunts in frustration, gripping his shirt tightly. "There's like this barrier inside me that goes up every time it feels like I'm burdening you with my fucked up shit. And I just can't, I don't want it to impact you in any way."

"JJ you could never burden me. I care about you so much and I-" Kiara stops herself, gathering her thoughts before continuing. "We're supposed to come to each other so we can figure it out together." She looks at him right in the eyes.

But there's still that barrier of protection in his eyes. He won't break.

Kiara sighs and starts walking to the twinkie. "Let's go meet up with the others."

When they get back to the chateau, Kiara grabs her stuff and starts walking towards the house. They dropped Pope off at his house and Sarah is walking alongside John B a little further ahead.

"I didn't fall."

JJ's voice breaks through the air and the sound of cicadas. Kiara stops in her steps and looks back at him, waiting for him to say something more.

"I took a shortcut after I went to Rick's place to get some fresh weed. Walked past some big fancy car and accidentally kicked a rock at it or something. It hardly left any mark, just a little dirt. But the kook's who owned the car didn't think the same."

"JJ.."

"They also recognised me." JJ continues. "I've probably done some dumb shit to a kook or two they know. I didn't recognise them though, every kook looks the same." JJ chuckles. "Anyway. They cornered me and didn't waste any time throwing the usual insults."

Kiara's heart breaks. He hasn't been in any kinds of fights in a long time. She thought they might be over, that they'd not happen again.

"Then they said some shit about you and I lost it. Jumped the guy who was closest. Didn't take a lot of time before they started punching back, especially on my stomach as you already know. But also some at the head, they busted a nearly healed cut on the lip so it wasn't as noticeable as the other." JJ speaks with a slight lightness in his voice.

He feels kind of relieved. It's actually nice to be honest, even if it absolutely scares the living shit out of him.

"It just felt a bit.. stupid bringing it up y'know. Cause I haven't been in a fight for so long and I just didn't wanna be the one who ruins the good things that we all got going on right now."

"JJ listen to me." Kiara starts, walking up to him and finding his eyes with hers. She's now looking him right in the face. "I care about you no matter what. It doesn't matter what happens cause I'll always, always, be here to support and help you. And it would be the same with anyone of us, and y'know that. We help and support each other, we're pouges."

JJ smirks. His cheeks are red and his eyes looks tired and heavy. "Thanks Kie."

Kiara chuckles and breaks the eye contact, feeling her cheeks turn red too.

"Truce?" JJ says, expanding his hand.

Kiara looks up again and sees his arm stretched out. "Truce." She says expanding her hand and doing the pouge handshake.

JJ didn't know that in that moment, butterflies filled Kiara's stomach and shivers went through her whole body.

But what Kiara didn't know, was that it was happening to him too.

———

6.
On the pullout
Three weeks later

Everything had started to go back to normal after Kiara and JJ had that talk on the beach. They were back to the normal routine of talking, joking, flirting and hanging with the pouges.

John B has started to redo the porch, changing some planks on the deck and putting on a fresh coat of polish. Sarah's been working on the garden, pulling out weeds and cutting the long grass. Pope's been at college for most of the time, he's studying for a big test that's coming up. JJ's been helping out with the porch, but he's been quite busy with the surfing lessons. The kids adore him, how he's always so happy and playful but still very helpful and wants them to actually learn. Kiara has been hanging around here and there, both helping out with the chateau renovations and the surfing lessons. She's also been doing some short shifts at The Wreck. Her parents has hired some new waiters so she doesn't have to work as often or as much anymore.

Right now it's Sunday. John B and Sarah is out getting some more material for the porch and tools for the garden. They also said they'll bring some food for lunch. Pope's on the mainland with his dad, they had to pick up some stuff for the shop and deliver some groceries. He said he'll might join later but he has to wake up early the next day cause his class starts at 8.15am.
Kiara and JJ are both laying on the pullout couch in the chateau's living room. They both helped Sarah and John B with the porch and garden but was now taking a break.

They've been working non stop for about 3 hours. 
It isn't as hot out anymore, fall is coming soon so the weather is starting to feel more chilly which makes working outside a lot easier. But the chilly weather doesn't stop JJ from still wearing shorts and sleeveless shirts. Sarah, even John B one time, told JJ to put some more clothes on cause the wind goes straight through his shirt and he'll might catch a cold. JJ answered that he likes the cool air against his skin and the risk of getting a cold.

But Kiara doesn't complain. She didn't even interfere with the conversation, just simply shook her head with a smile and kept working. She likes when JJ's wearing clothes with a lack of fabric, she's almost going to miss it when it actually cold and he has to wear hoodies or jackets. Even though Kiara's main focus this morning was to help out with the renovations, she couldn't help but notice his bare skin. She would catch glances at it, the toned muscles on his arms and chest. It's not that she's trying to get caught but she's not being as sneaky anymore. Sarah had asked her something once, it was about her opinion on how they should arrange the flowers and vegetables. But Kiara's focus was completely elsewhere. Sarah didn't say anything about it but she raised her eyebrows and smirked.

Kiara is taking every opportunity she gets to look at him. In those opportunities she takes in every single thing she possibly can. As said before, in the beginning of this story, the attraction is not only emotional but also sexual. The sexual one, when she's looking at him, admiring and letting her thoughts of imagination flow, gets more intense because of the emotional part. It's kind of like the two sides are only enhancing each other.

For example, after JJ opened up about what actually happened to his stomach, Kiara felt a much stronger connection to him. They've been close for so long but it's those moments that makes them even closer.

She loves his personality, his humour and even his impulsiveness that sometimes gets him into trouble. She loves how he cares so deeply for the small amount of people he loves, that he would do anything for them without blinking an eye. It's also the little things as him being goofy and joking around, the light and simple perspective on life he has even though he's been through so much shit.

All this, and a lot more, makes the sexual attraction even thicker and harder to ignore. Earlier today Kiara felt tingling go through her body, especially sending shivers down to her vagina. It happened when she was carrying some bags of soil from the shed to the back yard and cast a glance at his face, her eyes going down to his pulsating and veiny throat, it happened when she past him on the porch stairs and only faintly brushed his arm with hers, it happened when she heard him groan loudly in frustration and it happened when he bit his lip and catches her gaze. Kiara felt so nervous and like she was in complete shock, but she couldn't look away, she didn't want to. She had to take in the moment, she was in deep need of it.

So now as they're taking a break from working, both laying spread out in the pullout couch, Kiara's trying her hardest to act normal. JJ doesn't seem to notice anything at all, he's flipping through some old magazines on fishing that's probably been flipped through countless of times.

I'm her mind she's replaying all the scenarios from today, thinking back to how absolutely sexy he looked when working on the porch. His arms being so big and muscular, with only a few veins that became visible when he flexed his muscles. The thoughts are stuck in her head, being her only focus, and suddenly they take over her movements.

In a desperate attempt, mixed with not thinking about any kind of consequences, she starts to draw patterns up and down JJ's arm. Her finger tips and nails gently and slowly traces against his skin, and it immediately covers his arm with goosebumps. At first it's like JJ doesn't even notice, despite the obvious goosebumps. He keeps flipping through the pages of the magazine, not saying anything.

It's not a completely different and weird thing for them to "cuddle" like this. They usually do these things, sometimes with all the pouges. But with all that's been going on, both in the actual reality and in Kiara's head, it feels extremely intense. It's not like she's never touched his arm before, or brushed her skin against his in some way or another. It's just that it's not an ordinary occurrence for Kiara to touch JJ like this.

"What're you doing?" JJ breaks a little, like he's surprised by his own voice.

Kiara isn't thinking clearly, or even at all, as she boldly answers him. "Touching you."

JJ takes her hand. Kiara's first thought is that he's uncomfortable, that he doesn't want her to touch him. She tries to reassure herself that it's fine, it's probably nothing personal or-

Her rambling thoughts comes to an sudden stop. JJ slowly moves her hand and gently places it underneath his shirt.

The atmosphere is suddenly extremely thick of tension. Even more than before. Neither of them are saying anything but their cheeks are red and burning hot and their hearts are beating quickly. JJ is looking down at Kiara's hand, not daring to look up in case he meets her eyes. He's not really thinking clearly either, just following his wants and needs, almost like it's an attempt to fulfil his desires. Kiara gets slightly stunned and a little overwhelmed by the feeling of her hand against his bare chest and stomach. The air feels warm and thick, making Kiara dizzy. She's trying to make sense of the situation but her head is empty.

"Jayj.." Kiara whispers, trying to get his reaction or any kind of response or explanation from him.

He doesn't respond, not even a slight reaction.

So she tries again, this time a little clearer and louder. "Jayj."

"I want you to touch me." His voice is submissive and low.

Kiara tries to act like she doesn't know what he means and says. "Cause you're still hurt or-"

"No." JJ turns his head towards faces her. "Cause I like how your fingers feels against my skin."

Oh.

Oh.

Oh fuck.

This is new.

Kiara slowly starts to move her hand, brushing her finger tips against his stomach, feeling as much need to fulfil her desires as him. It feels intimate on both a emotional and sexual level.  She traces her fingers in different directions and patterns, taking in his warm and soft skin. Her hand travels up towards his chest and her finger accidentally touches his right nipple. JJ breathes deeply at the feeling, arching his head back slightly so his bare neck gets visible. He also lets out a quiet groan. All his natural reactions to her touch is sending waves of heat through her body and directly between her legs. Every thought of touching him is taking over her mind and body, she wants more. Needs more.

Her voice is low and breathy. "Jayj-"

"Don't stop." He says under his breath.

Kiara continues to stroke her fingers on every inch of his chest, putting some slight pressure on her touch. Her hand travels down to his pant line, pressing her fingers in with a light pressure. He shuffles at the sudden pressure, goosebumps forming under her touch. His body tenses and he lets out a groan.

"Kie." His lips are pressed together, trying to hold it together.

Kiara turns the pressure up a bit, as her fingers travel up towards his upper chest. She's enjoying every part of this, whatever it is. Her mind is blank from everything and anything else that isn't him and his body. His reactions of her touches are making it tingle between her legs. She wants this to last forever.

His reactions makes her feel confident, satisfied and horny. Oh god so horny. She feels egoistic in the way that she never wants this to end, so to get more of his response to her touch she roughly grabs his right chest and nipple. Her fingers pressing in to his skin.

"Fuckk." JJ let's out a moan. Groaning and shifting his position.

Kiara's never heard or seen anything sexier that this. Her confidence gets boosted by his desperate and needy sounds. "You like that?"

JJ nods and aches his head backwards. "Yes. Please-"

"We got the goodies!!" Sarah shouts through the chateau as she and John B stomps into the living room.

Kiara freezes for a millisecond before pulling away her hand quickly and sitting up on the couch. Leaving his warm body and the weird, but not even close to bad weird, feeling and atmosphere. She closes her eyes shortly takes a deep breath, back to reality.

JJ sits up too, shakes his head slightly and pulls down his shirt. It apparently had almost come off without him noticing.

"We got A LOT." John B places the bags on the kitchen table. "There's 3 different kinds of burgers, fries, chicken nuggets, chicken wings, dips, ketchup, coke.." John B keeps naming all the different foods as he unpacks the bags.

"Kie? JJ?" Sarah says looking up towards the couch. "You coming or?"

"Uh yeah." Kiara says and quickly stands up. "I'm starving."

They all sit together around the table, eating and talking. Well it's mostly John B and Sarah who's talking, they're telling some story about what happened last week at the docks. They were trying to figure out how to fix the broken and rotten planks that's hanging on for dear life's, but apparently there was more rotten and broken planks than they thought. So they both fell through, Sarah once and John B twice, before they finally got it fixed.

The couple are joyfully eating and talking, laughing at different parts of the story. Kiara tries her best to listen and respond in some way that's not just only a nod or a chuckle. But it's hard when all she can think about is what just happened. She didn't just touch him.

He wanted her to touch him.

And he didn't want her to stop.

That's not something they do. That's not something that occurs or just happens. It's not like they never hug or show affection with some small touch on the shoulder or hand. But to touch like that, in such a intimate way, is completely different and new.

Unlike Kiara, JJ doesn't seem to struggle to keep the conversation going. He's giving them small comments and remarks about how he would've done a way better job. He jokes about how John B always does before he thinks, when in reality it's JJ who's the one that makes impulsive decisions. And he chuckles and jokes in a way more realistic way than Kiara. It's like he's not affected by what just happened, like he just dropped it and moved on right away.

"So I was thinking we could finish laying the planks down, and maybe sandpaper it a little." Kiara snaps back to reality as John B starts talking about the porch work. "Then we'll put the polish on tomorrow."

"Sounds good." JJ answers, taking the last bite of his burger.

"I got some more soil so we can finish the rest of the flower patches." Sarah says, directing her words to Kiara.

"Great. You wanna finish it today?"

"Yeah, would be great but if not I'll just do the rest tomorrow."

Kiara nods and takes a sip from her coke.

-

"Are y'all staying tonight?" John B asks JJ and Kiara, while he collects the food wrappers scattered around the table.

"Yeah."

"Me too." 

"Kay, cause the spare room is full of boxes and planks so you gotta take the pullout." John B says, throwing the paper wrappers in the trash.

"Kie can take it." JJ says. "I'll take the hammock."

Kiara feels her stomach drop. His shift in behaviour is confusing and in a way frustrating. He went from being intimate, acting in ways he's never done before, to unbothered and behaving like what happened wasn't a big deal at all, to now acting all cold.

"Why? There's plenty of room for you to share." John B says, backing up the fact that all the pouges have slept on it together countless of times.

"Yeah it's fine Jay."

"It's also gonna rain tonight, you'll get soaked in the hammock." Sarah says,

"Just share the pullout with Kie. Why you acting all weird?" John B says, raising an eyebrow at his friend.

"I'm not."

"Yes you are. We've all shared the pullout many times." Kiara says. "I think you've even spooned John B one time." Kiara chuckles and throws a glance at John B who's smirking at the memory.

Then JJ says something that twists Kiara's stomach in a way that makes her slightly lose her balance. It's like she's having to ground herself so she doesn't fall to the floor.

"Yeah but I just don't want to be that close to you."

To Kiara.

He sounds so cold, saying it with such ease when it's so obvious that the words are thick and covered with lies. It's so clear that even he doesn't believe his own words, but he stands tall and sips on his drink. Playing the game of pretend, like he does in situations where he's in danger or scared for his life. When he just minutes ago wanted her to touch him, he was basically begging her to not stop.

But this is not one of those situations where he's in any kind of danger. It's rather the exact opposite and so extremely far away from it. JJ knows that, which is why Kiara gets hit with such disgust and anger. She wants to throw up. The audacity to say such thing is beyond stupid and she's never felt this upset before. She wants to scream at him but all she can force out is a clear and strong "Excuse me?" as she looks him straight in the eyes.

"What?"

"Are you for real right now?" John B's eyebrows are raised at his friend's stupidity.

"I'll just take the hammock what's the big deal?"

"JJ you-" Sarah begins but gets interrupted by Kiara's angry tone.

"Or I'll just go home so you don't have to be that close to me." Kiara imitates his words, the anger building up in her voice.

"Sounds good." JJ bites back. Swallowing the bitter taste of regret.

"Fuck you." Kiara spits the words out like it's venom.

She scoots away from the table and heads out the front door. The door slams shut behind her as she runs down the stairs, feeling the wind in her hair. She head's straight down to the dock, not stopping until she reaches the far end.

The anger is bubbling inside her, it's mixed with frustration and disappointment. She never thought he'd act like that towards her. Pushing her away and acting like he's some selfish and rude asshole, when that's clearly not who he is at all. Cause she knows him, bone deep. Every little detail of his personality and behaviour is imprinted in her mind like it's as natural as breathing. Because of this, Kiara would never force him to do or say anything, cause he's not obligated to. She would never pressure him into something he doesn't want. But what happened on the pullout isn't something that is a normal occurrence. It's not even normal for either of them outside of their friendship, they've never done anything like that before with anyone. Which is why he in a way is obligated to say or do something, it doesn't take a lot but Kiara just needs something. Something she can go on and work with.

But it's all so new, it's no surprise that it's fucking terrifying and scary. There's not a doubt that this is completely new, for both of them. But that JJ is acting cold and ignorant about it, is what's frustrating. It's his self protection, his wall that goes up when he's scared or he doesn't want to deal with something. He pushes it deep down and pretends that nothing's wrong or that nothing's happened. But he ends up hurting the people he cares about cause he's not thinking clearly, he's blinded by the wall in-front of him and he can't see the truth. He acts out with anger, rudeness or ignorance. Denying every single thing.

Deny, deny, deny.

Kiara takes a deep and shaky breath, breathing in the warm and fresh air. It's hard to keep going like this. To keep up this facade of uncertainty and lies, it tares on her well being. She thought they were good, that the truce they made was a sign that everything would be back to normal again. And it was, for three weeks. But now it's like every single moment they've had is gone and didn't mean shit.

A tear falls from her cheek as she tries to take another deep breath, this time it comes out even shakier. It's suddenly like she's hit with a big wave of anger, sadness and frustration straight in her face. The tears falls down one by one and she feels herself hulking out breaths, trying to contain herself. But it's pointless, she falls to the ground and lets it all out.

She usually doesn't react like this. She's usually somewhat calm and contain, not letting anyone or anything break her down. She's strong and has a lot of willpower, she never backs down from people's mean comments.

But this really hurts and she feels sad.

-

In the meantime.

"What the actual fuck JJ?!" Sarah shouts at his face.

"What?" JJ says, throwing a burger wrapper into one of the bags.

"Don't fucking "what" me like that! What the hell did you say that for?!"

"You're a fucking idiot." John B says, backing his girlfriend.

"It's not a big deal! She's the one who overreacted." JJ spits the words out.

"I'm not having this. Go after her." Sarah says, angry and determined.

"What- why? I didn't-"

"You fucked up JJ! So go and apologies, now!"

"No. I didn't do anything!" JJ exclaims.

"You straight up told her you're disgusted by her." John B says, stating the obvious to his best friend.

"What? No I didn't!"

JJ is known for doing and saying things without even a slight hesitation because of his lack of thinking consequently. He doesn't see that it could possibly be the complete wrong thing to say or do, unless someone tells him. Sometimes he gets it after a while and then he feels too stupid and way too embarrassed to admit it and apologise. He's not good at taking responsibility for his actions and mistakes, not cause he's mean but cause he's not used to it being like that. He's used to deny the living shit out of everything. To push every little thing that says the contrary down, cause he's scared of what the truth comes with.

"JJ, listen to me." Sarah sighs, knowing about his struggles with understanding the issues of his own actions. "You hurt her." She states simply, not in a angry tone but in a more desperate and pleading way cause she needs him to understand.

"Oh." It falls into place, it clicks, and JJ sees it.

He hurt her.

He wanted her to touch him, leading her on, and then he got terrified about it. He became defensive and cold towards her. He acted like a fool and an idiot. He made it seem like he's disgusted by her.

Shit.

"We've all been through a lot JJ." Sarah says. "And even if something's happened between you two, or not, you gotta talk to her."

"Yeah. If there's something wrong you gotta tell her, not keep her in the dark." John B says. "That's what pouges do."

"But there's nothing wrong." JJ says, still having that bitter taste in his mouth. The lies keeps coming.

"Yeah cause what just happened is totally normal." Sarah says with a irony that can be heard from miles.

JJ readjust his cap. Growing more and more uncomfortable with the situation.

"Just go talk to her man!" John B says, feeling annoyed and impatient with his best friend.

"Fine!" JJ shouts as he stands up from his seat and puts on his big boots. "But if it doesn't help, I'll blame it on you."

-

Kiara stares out on the water, her eyes are heavy, tired and red from crying. She feels empty, like every drop of tears has been emptied. She doesn't know what to do now, where to go. She can go home to her parents but the last thing she wants is for them to question her. Give her some speech about how JJ (and the other pouges) isn't good for her or that she should focus on getting into college. Even though her parents are not as bad as they once were, when they constantly bickered about how bad her friends are and that she's ruining her future, there's still a long way to go. The pain and trauma from when they straight up kidnapped her, isn't anything that's just going away. That is the biggest reason why she doesn't fully feel comfortable or safe at the house she's supposed to call home. It took a long time before she could even look at them, and then slowly try and have a conversation without them starting to bicker again.

Kiara pulls her hands through her face and sighs. No, she can't go home. She'll just stay here or maybe she can try to avoid JJ and figure out what to do in the morning.

"Kie?"

JJ's voice cuts through the air. Kiara swallows hard and looks around, ignoring his absence. Her body stiffens and her breathing becomes heavier. She doesn't answer. Maybe he'll go away.

"Kie c'mon." JJ pleads and drags out the words slightly, sounding like he's the one who's hurt. "You're seriously giving me a cold shoulder right now?"

Normally Kiara would feel anger bubbling up inside her when this happens. When he's playing the victim or trying to downplay the situation and his actions. Like it's not a big deal and that she overreacted. But now all she feels is a heavy but empty feeling in her chest and stomach. She's too tired to care, to answer him when he knows that he did wrong.

"Kie c'mon talk to me." JJ plops down next to her.

Kiara's gaze is stuck on the water, she refuses to look at him, to acknowledge him. She won't give in that easy. She's still upset, even if the tears has stopped running and the pressure in her chest is now more of a hollow feeling.

"Can you at least look at me." JJ says, still trying.

Kiara doesn't move.

"Kiara-"

"Leave." She says with a bitter tone.

"No."

"Then I'll leave." Kiara says, standing up.

"Kiara please, I'm trying here!" JJ whines back as he watches her walk away. "C'mon, why're you leaving?"

Kiara turns around. "I'm saving you the trouble of being close to me. It's a favour." She bites back hard with statement he said earlier. Reminding him of what he said, reminding him that he hurt her.

"I-" JJ begins but it falls flat.

"Yeah." Kiara says with a fake smile. "Exactly."

Kiara walks along the dock up towards the chateau. She expects him to run after her but he doesn't. She's not sure if she wants him to or not.

The normality and the usual closeness of their friendship is once again fading away. Kiara feels angry, frustrated, sad, disappointed and annoyed. Her anger, frustration and annoyance is built on the fact that JJ still hasn't grown a pair and is mature enough to say sorry. With that, comes disappointment, she feels disappointed that he still doesn't feel like he can talk to her. And then she's sad, sad because she knows he's struggling but it doesn't mean any of this is right. His fear of being close to people doesn't justify his actions and behaviour, even though it's a reason doesn't make it an excuse.

Kiara ends up at the hammock, the feeling of normalcy is screaming inside of her to stay. She so desperately wants to keep that feeling, their truce, but it's so difficult.

Her feet are hanging off the edge as the hammock slowly sways in the wind, looking up at the sky, through the leaves of the tree. She just wants it to be normal, she doesn't care if she gets to act upon her actual feelings for him or not. All she wants is her friend, her best friend.

"I didn't mean it like that."

JJ.

He did follow her.

Kiara scoots herself up, sitting on the edge of the hammock with her feet on the ground. "Like what?

"Like I was disgusted by you or something. I don't know I just- I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how did you mean it?" Kiara asks.

"Just thought you'd wanted to sleep on the couch alone."

Kiara sighs, both internally and externally. What the actual fuck is happening. "Why are you suddenly so admin to not sleep next to me, like we've done millions of times before."

"I'm not I just-"

"You wanted me to touch you." Kiara bites her tongue, feeling tears building up in her eyes.

"Kie-"

"Don't. I can't do this Jay."

"Do what."

"This fucking game you got going on!" Kiara throws her hand up in frustration. "You hurt me. Ok? I can't just drop that and move on. You know I still-"

Like you. Love you.

"Care about you." Kiara says finishing her sentence. "But this thing you got going on isn't going to work!" She adds, truthfully.

"What thing I got going on?"

"Really JJ? The thing where you pull me closer, making me think you're finally giving me the answers I want. But then you suddenly push me away like nothing ever happened!"

"I don't do that."

"Never mind, this is pointless." Kiara says getting off the hammock.

"Hey, don't leave." JJ stands in her way. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you! About us!" Kiara shouts out. "It's too hard to keep up with this shit. I can't pretend that this is fine, when you're-" Her heart is beating quickly as she says the last sentence. "When you're hurting me because you're scared."

JJ takes a step back, talking low. "I didn't mean to I just-"

"You just what Jay?!"

"I just flipped! Ok!? Like I always do, and I didn't think about what I was saying. I got scared so I acted selfish, cause what happened was fucking terrifying!"

"You don't think I know that?" Kiara snaps. "I'm a part of this thing too y'know. It's absolutely terrifying for me too!"

"I know I know."

"Then what do you want?! If you don't want this, then just say it." Kiara trying to contain her tears. "If you don't want me, please just say it. Cause I can't keep doing this back and forth thing." Kiara says with tears in her throat.

JJ's gaze turns soft, his ocean blue eyes searching for her warm brown eyes. It's like something clicks inside him, like those words are a the answer to a question that's been asked and unanswered for so long. He feels sad and heartbroken at the state of her.

"Do you really believe that?" JJ's voice is steady and warm, taking a small step toward her.

"I don't know JJ! I don't know what to believe! Especially when you're constantly lying to yourself and to me, when you're ignoring your feelings."

"But I don't know what else to do!" JJ drags his hands through his hair. "I mean shit I- it was like I was in some trance or some shit. I couldn't focus. It was all too much so I just went with what I know and always do."

Kiara sighs. She knows that this is what he does.
She knows.

But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

"It really hurts Jay." Kiara begins. "I keep reminding myself that you're not thinking clearly before you act. But when you- when you spat out the words like you did.. all I could feel was anger, sadness and such a nagging feeling of frustration. Cause I know that the words aren't true, but still you're saying them."

JJ's eyes fills up with tears in a matter of milliseconds. His stomach twists at her words, they're so vulnerable and authentic. They're so real. And all he feels is a sickening feeling and pain of regret, he's angry at himself for making her feel like this. That he's the reason she's feeling like this. Just because he's scared.

Kiara's heart beats fast but her tone of voice has calmed down. "You know I would never judge you, right?" She says going up to him.

JJ nods, looking down and spinning his ring around his finger. "Yeah."

"Then stop pushing me away." Kiara pleads, slightly desperate.

"I'm trying-" JJ snaps his head up. "I'm trying so hard. I don't want to push you away, it just happens."

"I know." Kiara's voice is calm again. "I'm not blaming you I just-"

"Can we please just drop this." His words are filled with tears.

Kiara blinks a few times, taking in his words. "JJ.." She says shaking her head, this is not how she wanted it to go.

But of course.

It's the easy and the non terrifying way to move on. But it's literally just a dumb and cowardly excuse based on fears. She can't say that though, he probably already knows it anyway.

"Please Kiara I don't want to lose you."

JJ's voice is suddenly breaking. Kiara looks up at him. A tear falls down his cheek but gets wiped away quickly by his hand. It's like the only thing that can make it better again is to drop it.

"You'll never lose me Jay."

"Just- Please can we just call it a truce." He's almost shaking as he speaks.

Truce.

Yeah cause that went so well the last time.

Kiara curses and kicks herself internally as she bites down on her tongue. She wants to argue, she needs to get it all out, she's rather be angry and scream at him than to just drop it like it's nothing. Cause it's so very far from nothing.

But she's so immensely tired right now. Tired of this ongoing mess that never seems to get resolved in any way. She can't force him into a argument that he's not capable of being in. She can't push him into a situation he's not comfortable with. So she doesn't argue anymore, she'll lose again. If that's what he needs.

"Yeah." Kiara sighs. "Ok."

8.
The wreck.
Four days later.

Kiara is working a late shift at her parents restaurant, she's on closing duty and the restaurant closes in 30 minutes. There's not a lot of customers left, just a few tourists. She's been working quite a bit the last few days, distracting herself from any thoughts or feelings about her best friend. She's not happy at how they left it. From the moment he said truce, she's thought a lot about how she truly feels about it all.

Thoughts like is it worth it or should she just drop the whole thing, ignore and push down the feelings, have definitely crossed her mind more than once. To just deny it until it eventually, hopefully, goes away completely.

But her feelings are strong and doesn't just disappear easily, they will probably never disappear completely no matter what happens next. She's also stubborn. If there's something she feels or knows is wrong, she has to do something about it, no matter what.

-
25 minutes later

Just as she's finishing up with cleaning the tables before finally leaving and closing up the restaurant, she hears him.

She hears him before she sees him, she hears his motorbike come to a stop, his big chunky boots stomping up the stairs and walking through the entrance door.

"Kie." JJ's out of breath, like he ran all the way here.

Kiara grabs the spray cleaning bottle and rug, and walks to the front desk.

"Kie c'mon don't ignore me."

She doesn't look at him, she just keeps putting things away and wipes the desk surface.

"I thought we called it truce."

"We did." Kiara says coldly.

"So why you ignoring me?"

"I'm busy, gotta close up soon."

"I don't mean just now. I mean for the last few days."

Kiara sighs and dumps the cleaning cloth in the sink. "I'm tired. And I wanna go home."

"Kie-"

"I'm not ignoring you, ok? Just been busy." Kiara says, which is not a complete lie. She has been busy, with work and with..
ignoring him.

Kiara grabs her bag and keys, swinging the bag over her shoulder. "Gotta close now."

JJ just nods and walks ahead of her through the entrance door. Kiara follows and locks the door behind her.

"Need a ride?"

JJ's standing at his motorbike, wearing his usual smirk on his face. It's hard to not melt at his expression, but Kiara quickly reminds herself that she's not going to fall for it that easily.

"Nah, just gonna walk home."

"C'mon. It's way too late for a walk."

"I'll be fine."

"Just get on the bike Kie."

"I said I'm fine. I'll walk home." Kiara says as she starts walking.

"Yeah, you're definitely not ignoring me." JJ rolls his eyes and sighs deeply.

Kiara sees his rolling eyes in the corner of her own. It makes Kiara's blood boil. He's the one who did this, and now he's acting like she's the issue.

"Can you just fucking drop it?!" Kiara spits angrily. "God you're so annoying."

"No, cause you're clearly upset about something."

"No shit JJ!"

"Then tell me!"

Kiara takes a sharp and short breath, bracing herself a little before yelling out her words. "I'm so fucking done with you and all the truces you're doing just cause you can't face it!"

"Face what?"

"Me! Us! This thing that's happened between us! Whatever it fucking is!"

"I thought we both agreed to-"

"We didn't agree on anything JJ! I just went with it cause I knew you couldn't face it!" Kiara says, clearly still angry.

Her heart is beating faster and she's starting to feel slightly anxious about it all. A anxious feeling is creeping up on her, placing itself in her chest like a heavy stone. It's not that she doesn't want to face it, to talk and/or actually do something about it. But it's scary. Even though she's the one who's been trying to get something out of JJ, she's really scared of the outcome.

Kiara takes a deep breath and grabs the strap of her bag to brace herself. "But y'know what? I can't keep ignoring it. I can't deny or just push it down anymore. Cause it's so fucking exhausting."

"Kie I can't.." JJ says low.

"Exactly! That's exactly what I mean!" Kiara is now shouting. "God JJ! You can't just call it a truce and think everything's fine every time something is scary!"

"I don't think everything's fine! That's why I wanted to call it truce in the first place!" JJ's taking his cap off, readjusting it messily.

"Calling it a truce doesn't fix anything JJ!" Kiara yells so clearly, wanting him to hear every word. "You gotta tell me what the hell is wrong Jay! You gotta talk to me!"

"I can't! I'll ruin everything!"

"What?" Kiara asks blankly, not understanding what he means in the slightest. "What are you talking about?"

"I can't tell you! Ok?!" JJ's voice breaks up as he shouts.

"JJ, what do you mean you'll ruin everything?" Kiara says, taking a small step forward.

"I'll ruin our friendship if let my guard down and act on my feelings!"

Kiara's face drops and her mouth is slightly open. Her cheeks turn red and her fast beating heart calms down.

"What feelings?" Kiara says calmly. "JJ what feelings?"

Her words feels desperate, she needs to know what he means but she can't scare him away.

"Jayj, please. What feelings?" She tries again but he's already on his bike.

JJ desperately, and slightly panicky, tries to jump start it. It takes a few times before it finally starts.

"Don't leave." Kiara's talking fast but calmly. "JJ just don't leave."

He grasp the steering handles tightly,

JJ takes one last glance at her before heading off.

"JJ!!"

9
At the chateau.
The day after.

Kiara is sitting on the pullout couch with Sarah, painting their nails and listening to Bob Marley. They've been sitting in silence for the last 30-45 minutes, just enjoying the music and each other's company. Kiara really appreciates these moments, when she can just hang out with Sarah without any of the boys distracting them. It's simply just nice to have Sarah for herself, and much needed.

"So how'd it go?" Sarah asks, putting the lid back on the nail polish.

"How did what go?" Kiara says focusing on painting her toenails, not looking up to meet Sarah's eyes.

"Y'know. With you and JJ."

The mention of his name automatically makes Kiara look up. "Oh. It didn't really go at all. He took off."

"Took off?"

"Yeah, we tried to talk but then he started saying things like he doesn't want to ruin our friendship."

"Why would he do that?" Sarah asks with a genuine confusing and curious tone.

"I don't know. Something about him acting on his feelings." The last sentence comes out quieter than the first.

"Kie.."

"No. It doesn't mean that."

"Of course it fucking does! What else would it mean?"

"I don't know, that he's-" Kiara tries to come up with a good idea for what these feelings might mean or be. But she's got nothing.

"Exactly. The feelings are obviously towards you!"

Kiara sighs deeply, putting the nail polish lid back on the small bottle. "He hasn't even apologised."  She says, averting the subject slightly.

"For what he said at lunch?"

"Yeah, and for just constantly ignoring the conversation by calling it a truce." Kiara feels nauseous at the reminder, a bitter taste filling her mouth.

Now it's Sarah's turn to sigh deeply at JJ's behaviour. "I know it's not easy for him to show emotion, but it's really starting to get annoying."

"Yeah." Kiara agrees.

"And it's affecting you negatively and he knows it. He's eventually gonna have to come around and apologise." Sarah says.

"But I've given him so much time and space to do that already, I can't continue like this." Kiara says. "I'm so tired of arguing."

Kiara hasn't said that she's basically in love with her best friend to Sarah, out loud. She's actually never said it out loud to anyone, not even herself. But there's no need for it, Sarah already knows, in some way and in some instance. It's not like what's happened between Kiara and JJ has gone unnoticed. All the pouges probably know to some level cause they're all close and hanging out as much as possible.

"Maybe we can get John B to talk to him?" Sarah asks, trying to come up with a solution.

"I don't know, maybe I'll just drop all this."

"Uh uh. No you're not."

"Sarah-"

"No Kie, you're not gonna drop this just because he's a bit scared. You gotta fight for this."

"He's not just a bit scared Sarah, he's fucking terrified!" Kiara exclaims. "It's like every time I try to get close to him he's backing off and saying things like "it's not gonna work" and "we shouldn't do this".

Sarah's heart breaks at her best friends words. "You don't actually think he's afraid of you right?" She says softly.

Kiara just stares in front of her.

"Kie-"

"I'm gonna head home. I'll see you later." Kiara says quickly moving to stand up. She grabs her bag and heads out the door.

"Shit." Sarah sighs heavily.

"What's shit?" John B walks through the door only a few seconds after Kiara left.

Sarah looks up from her spot on the couch. "Kiara and JJ." She says with a neutral tone.

"Aah. Trouble in paradise huh?" John B says, understanding what it's about despite the lack of explanation from his girlfriend.

"It's real bad John B." Sarah's tone turns into a more serious one.

John B moves to sit next to her. "What happened?"

10.
At the chateau
3 hours later

After Sarah told John B everything, catching him up on the latest stuff about their best friends, Sarah had decided to take the matter in her own hands. John B was slightly unsure at first, knowing Kiara wouldn't approve of his girlfriend getting involved with her love life problems and neither would JJ. But it didn't really matter cause Sarah had set her mind to it. She couldn't just sit back and watch, to just wait for something to happen. It could take days, weeks or even months for JJ to come to his senses. That did both Sarah and John B agree on.

So they made up a plan, which consisted of Sarah slowly but surely taking the initiative to start a conversation with JJ about what happened at lunch yesterday. She's gonna bring it up in a way that doesn't involve Kiara, but then slowly try to navigate the conversation towards her.

Sarah knows that JJ isn't an easy person to talk to when it comes to feelings. Especially when it's about feelings he's for so long have pushed down and tried to move on from. She also knows that her and JJ isn't the best of friends, despite them knowing each other for years now they're still not that close. It's not because they don't like each other, it's more because they've not really given it that much attention and they don't really hang out just the two of them. But to be clear, they are still friends and they've had moments throughout the years that are significant to them.

One time Sarah had to drive a long way to pick up some of her dads belongings that were stored at some fancy bank. The belongings were left to her in his testimony, which she at first didn't really want or care about cause her dad wasn't really the ideal father. But Wheezie insisted, John B too, they knew Sarah would regret not finding out what it was and despite everything, he's still her dad. So Sarah borrowed the twinkie to drive almost four hours to some small town, but her lack of skills with driving stick meant she had to bring someone with her. John B or Kiara would've been the obvious choices. But that day John B had to fix his own parental issues and Kiara was away for the night at some turtle farm, doing volunteer work. Pope also couldn't cause he was in the middle of fixing things with college. So the only person left was JJ.

He had moaned and sighed at the request from his best friend's girlfriend. At that time they didn't know each other that well, which John B only used as a even more reason for JJ to go with her.

So he finally caved in and went with. The drive wasn't as bad as he thought, the views was beautiful and they ended up talking about all kinds of things. Laughing together and even though it wasn't very deep stuff, they both was happy and comfortable in each other's presence.

Another time Sarah was sat out on the porch, it was after midnight and she couldn't sleep. It was only a few weeks after her 18th birthday and she was finally free. It felt weird to have her own will, to make her own decisions in a legal way. She's now allowed to have her own life without any parents or other family members getting involved. It was something she had looked forward to, to finally be able to make her own decisions and start living her life in the way she wants. But now when the time is here, she feels empty and a little lost. Everything that's happened in the last months has shaken her in ways she's never thought was possible. Not only had her dad sacrificed his life for her, but her brother was a murderer who not only killed a sheriff but also tried to kill her and her friends. To go through something that's this traumatic is not normal in any sense. Her head is empty with thoughts but still filled with pictures of the past events. It'll take time before she's completely processed everything, but she's eventually going to get there.

JJ who was still crashing at the chateau back then, he still does now just not as often, had woken up to go to the bathroom when he saw someone sitting out on the porch. He sleepily walked out and was met by Sarah, sitting in a corner of the couch with a blanket wrapped around her.

"Can't sleep?" JJ whispered, trying not to scare her.

Sarah turned her head and noticed the blonde boy standing on the doorway. She shakes her head and said a low "no".

JJ didn't ask anything else, he just sat down at the other end of the couch and sat there with her in silence. It wasn't anything special that happened or that was said that night. It was simply the underlying comfort of someone keeping her company. They didn't have to talk, neither of them had anything special to say anyways. Sarah knew he's gotten some nightmares after everything and it's not a secret that she's been struggling with that too. All the pouges have hade some kind of issues, if not with sleeping it's something else.

So back to present day. John B had asked JJ to come over and help him with some tiles in the bathroom. The bathroom was their next priority on the list of things/rooms to fix. They hadn't have a proper shower in weeks, borrowing Heyward's shower a few times and the Carrera's when the parents weren't home. John B had tried to make an makeshift shower in the backyard with a hose and a plastic bottle with holes in it, but the water wasn't great and neither was the pressure of it.

Which was why the two best friends were working on finishing the tiling on the bathroom floor. It wasn't much left but it was the tricky part, right where the shower drain is. It took an hour just to try and figure out how to connect the drain so it wouldn't overflow with water and flood the whole room. But they eventually got the hang of it and started laying the tiles.

After another hour and a half they were done, leaving it to dry before testing the water pressure and all that.

"You guys done?" Sarah asks looking up from her phone as the two boys came into the living room/kitchen.

JJ crashes onto the couch. "Yup, just gotta let it dry."

"Want some to drink Jay?" John B asks, rummaging through the fridge.

"Yeah, beer sounds good."

John B takes a bottle of beer from the fridge and closes it with a small bang. "Here you go." He says, cracking the beer open and handing it to his friend.

"Cheers." JJ raises the bottle and takes a sip.

"So when will we finally be able to take a real shower?" Sarah asks looking at the boys.

"Probably a day or two. Gotta go buy some parts for the water heater, so we'll have warm showers." John B says simply.

"Kay." Sarah gives him a small smile. "You gonna do that now or?"

She looks at him with slightly raised eyebrows, trying to hint at her boyfriend that he should go.

"Uh yeah." John B says, getting his girlfriend's hint. "Should probably head there before they close." John B says, grabbing the keys to the twinkie.

John B closes the door behind him, leaving Sarah and JJ alone.

"Everything good?" Sarah says breaking the silence.

JJ looks up at her from underneath his cap. "Yeah. Just tired."

"You sure?" Sarah pushes a little, knowing it's risky but also not wanting the moment go to waste.

"Yep."

"Cause you seem a little off." She says, bracing herself internally for whatever may happen.

JJ looks up at her with raised eyebrows, waiting for her to continue.

"Just thought it might have something to do with the way it ended at lunch a few days ago." Sarah says, prepared for him to snap or leave.

"Nah I'm fine." JJ shuts down her attempt of talking about it.

"Cause if you need someone to talk to I'm here."

JJ sits up from his position and readjust his cap. "Why you being weird?"

"Just trying to be nice Jay." Sarah tries to sound natural.

"Mhm, sure."

"What? Can't I care about my friend?" Sarah's voice is playful but also slightly offended.

"Course you can." JJ says simply. "Just that it's obvious that you want the conversation to go somewhere."

Sarah knows that her attempt was non smooth, it was really flat and it's not hard to figure out that she isn't just making small talk. But she simply doesn't care that it's obvious cause this thing that's going on, needs to stop. Sarah cares way too much about Kiara not to do anything about it. She cares for JJ too of course, but he's the one that needs to get a grip in this situation. Which it usually is.

"Why haven't you apologised to Kie yet?" Sarah says, diving straight in.

"What?" JJ looks at her confused, not thinking that was where she wanted the conversation to go.

"Y'know what I mean."

JJ shifts his position, immediately feeling uncomfortable with the situation.

"I'm not judging you. I know that it's not easy for you-"

"You don't know shit." JJ bites.

"JJ-"

"Nah. I ain't doing this." He says standing up.

"Yes you are." Sarah says following and stands up. "Kiara is hurt and you gotta apologise!"

"Did Kie tell you to do this?" JJ snaps, turning to face Sarah.

"No. She doesn't know."

"Great." He says sarcastically.

"JJ I'm worried." Sarah says, ignoring his sarcasm. "About both of you. I don't know everything that's happened but I know enough to know that you gotta do something about it." Sarah tries, talking calmly.

"There's nothing to be worried about." JJ's tone is cold and harsh. He's trying to downplay the situation, manoeuvre his way out of it.

"Ok great, then it's all good." Sarah answers with a thick sarcasm, JJ rolls his eyes and sighs. "Absolutely nothing to worry about, cause Kie isn't completely devastated and hurt by this thing you're doing."

"Don't you think I know that?!" JJ snaps. "I'm the fucking idiot who hurt her, cause I can't face the fact that I'm in love with her!" JJ starts to pace around the room, pressing his cap against his head with both hands.

The sudden outburst of honesty wasn't really what Sarah had expected would happen. But now that it has, she isn't surprised. He's been carrying this "secret" for years, trying to suppress his feelings for Kiara in ways that isn't healthy for anyone. He's seen her dance, flirt and kiss guys at parties. Shit he's even tried to wingman John B and Pope into getting with Kie. Just because he doesn't believe that he's worthy of being loved in such intimate ways. Especially by her. And that he's not good enough for her.

Sarah feels such deep sadness for the boy standing in front of her, trying to calm down his emotions. She wants to hug him, comfort him in some way but she knows he hates feeling pitied. Like he's some broken record that needs attention and to be fixed, that needs help. Even though that's exactly what he needs.

"You need to talk to her Jay." Sarah says instead, her tone is warm and calm. "It doesn't matter what happens after, you just need to talk it out."

"Nah." JJ speaks with his heart in his throat. "I've already fucked it up, like always."

Sarah's stomach drops at his words. He believes that he's going to mess everything up, that he's not worthy of love.

"It's Kie. It's your best friend. She's going to care and love you no matter what." Sarah tries to keep her voice steady, not wanting to break down in tears.

She has to be careful and strong, something she's noticed that Kiara is whenever JJ's having trouble. She knows she's not doing it as naturally and effortlessly as Kiara, but it seems to work well enough.

"I can't give her what she deserves." JJ says with tears filling up his eyes.

"The only thing she wants and needs is you, JJ." Sarah says truthfully. "The adventure and the simple way of living, the freedom of doing what she truly wants. She doesn't give a single fuck about money or material things. Y'know that Jay."

JJ looks up at Sarah, his eyes are red and wet from the tears. "How?"

"Talk to her." Sarah says with such simplicity in her voice. "Don't run away when it gets scary just cause it's the easy way out. Fight for this Jay."

JJ nods his head. "Ok." He wipes the tears away. "I'll try."

11.
The chateau.
The next day.

Kiara's head has been spinning more than ever for the last days. The constant craving for the blonde boys attention, company and closeness has never been so intense. Her thoughts consist of scenarios playing over and over again, of how good it felt to touch him, to laugh with him, have him close and simply just see and hear him speak. She misses him deeply.

But the pain is still there, it's like a small stone in her shoe that she can't get rid off. She tries to think of the positive parts of it all, how absolutely beautiful he is both inside and outside, how good he makes her feel and the way his presence always brings her happiness, warmth and a sense of comfort. His personality is addictive and so easily lovable that Kiara is in a constant state of blissful love for the boy. Her head is desperately trying to focus on the good, but her heart feels heavy. She knows, once again, that his actions doesn't speak for his actual feelings. That the way he talks and acts is simply just an act, a wall that's built on fear and insecurities. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. And the more he acts like he's done for the last few weeks, the more it hurts and the more Kiara feels like giving up.

Kiara is sitting in her dads pick up truck, driving down the road. She just got off work, she had an early shift so it's only 12.15am. She was supposed to go home, to her parents house, maybe take a shower and eat some lunch. To seize the opportunity when her parents aren't home. But her body is taking her elsewhere, to the chateau. There's no one at the chateau at the moment. John B and Sarah had to go to the mainland and pick up some furniture deliveries, said they'll probably be back around six tonight.

That's actually one of the reasons she's going there, she needs to be alone in a place she feels safe, in a place that's not her house.

Kiara pulls up at the chateau, pulling the hand break and the keys from the ignition. She sighs, fumbling with the keys in her hand before taking her bag that's laying on the passenger seat and exiting the car. As she walks up to the porch she looks around the yard, smiling at the progress they all have made. It's finally starting to look like a proper garden, but the hammock is still there and the Cat's ass, which is a few things that survived the fire.

Kiara takes the key from underneath the doormats and inserts it in the keyhole, but as she turns it there's no click. The door is already unlocked. She pulls out the keys and opens the door.

"Hello?"

Kiara puts her bag and keys on the table, looking around at the couch and through the kitchen.

"Anyone here?"

"Kie."

The sound of her name makes her turn around.

"What are you doing here?" Kiara asks, feeling her stomach twisting.

"I uh- I've been here since yesterday." JJ answers.

Kiara nods, looking away to avoid eye contact.

"Kie I-"

"Was kinda hoping you wouldn't be here." Kiara says with an harsh tone.

JJ's face falls. "Oh."

Kiaras knows that that her words are bitter and harsh. But she's so done with this, she's done trying to get him to open up. So her new tactic is to be cold and act similar to how he has but with more harshness.

"Can you leave."

"What-"

"I don't want you here."

"Kie stop." JJ says with an pleading voice.

"Stop what?"

"Stop lying."

"Why? You lie all the time, so why can't I?" Kiara bites back. "Deny, deny, deny. Right? That's what you do? Just deny the living shit out of things, push them deep down and lie."

She curses and hits her self internally, she hates acting like this. Saying things that are hurtful, it feels wrong and the words are like poison on her tongue. But she's way to hurt herself to care about that right now.

"I'm trying not to."

"Wow really?"

"Yes!"

"Well try harder! Cause I'm so over this bullshit!"

"I know I know! I-" JJ swallows.

Kiara sighs loudly, taking her keys and her bag. JJ's heart is pounding in his chest, he's gotta say or do something. Now. Or she'll leave, and this will never be over.

"I talked to Sarah." JJ blurts out his words.

Kiara stops and turns around. "What?"

"She convinced me to talk to you. Explain things even if it doesn't work out."

"If what doesn't work out?"

"Us." JJ's tone his clear but there's a hint of uncertainty.

Kiara looks at him, taking in his presence for real this time. "Ok." She says.

She gives him a look, saying she'll listen.

"It got way too real and it terrified me." JJ speaks with an calm tone, sounding exhausted. "I never, never, meant to hurt you."

Kiara looks down and nods. "Kay."

"But I know I did."

His words makes Kiara look up and meet his eyes.

"I did and said stuff I didn't mean but they hurt you." JJ blinks and a single tear falls down his cheek.

"Yeah." Kiara says with a sigh. "But I think they hurt you even more."

Her words causes the coin to drop. It's like a realisation and everything's suddenly so clear. God she knows him so well, he forgets that. Of course she's hurt, she's cried and felt frustrated as shit. But she knows that he's the one who's hurting the most. Deep down he knows that he's hurting her. It's never intentional but he's doing it, which for him is one of the worst things he can do. If not the worst.

"I'm sorry." JJ says, the words not feeling enough. "I'm sorry Kie." He says again, as the tears flow down his face.

"I know Jay." Kiara's voice is soft.

"I thought I could ignore it and that it would eventually go away. But I can't." JJ says between tears. "I don't want to."

"What do you want?" Kiara asks.

JJ wipes the tears away, takes a deep breath and chuckles softly. "You."

Kiara's cheeks turn red.

"I mean god, I've missed you so much Kie." JJ says with such relief. "You don't even know how badly I've just wanted to see you."

Kiara can't help but smile. "I've missed you too."

"Really?" JJ says with a smirk.

"Yeah. Really."

"Why's that?" JJ asks, still with a grin on his face.

"Y'know why."

"Tell me."

Kiara's stomach tingles at his dominant voice and her chest feels fizzy.

"Cause I crave your presence and attention." Kiara speaks low. "Especially now, when I know what it's like to touch you. And how fucking good it feels to do it when you want me too."

"I always want to." JJ says back.

His words falls from his lips with such ease and in a slight submissive way. Like he's cautious but also begging. Begging for any kind of reaction or response. The tension is thick and suddenly full of sexual energy.

"Can I touch you now?" Kiara asks with an cautious look but her words are needy.

JJ nods. "Yeah."

Kiara slowly walks up to him, lifting her hand to meet his bare arm. She strokes it up and down, building goosebumps all over his skin.

The touch feels electric and addicting, the simple feel of their skins against each other's are almost too much. But neither of them can get enough.

"Kie."

"Mhm?"

"Can I try something?"

Kiara looks at him and nods.

JJ grabs the end of his shirt and pulls it over his head in one swift movement. Kiara's breath gets caught in her throat. She's seen him shirtless countless of times but it never stops being the best thing she's ever laid her eyes on. She could never get enough of him or how good he looks.

"Shit Jay.."

"Is it too much?"

"No no. No." Kiara answers quickly. "I just- fuck JJ. I mean look at you! Everything about you is just..." Kiara trails off, giving him a long and lingering look.

"Is just what?"

"So extremely sexy." Kiara let's out a sigh, not regretting any of the words. "Fuck. I've tried to ignore it but, it's like your body doesn't want me to."

"Kie.." his voice is breathy and low.

"I just can't help myself to not look." Kiara continues, not noticing JJ trying to get her attention. "I love the way you move, seeing your muscles through the gap in your shirt, your biceps on full display when you work on the motorbike. I mean fuck-" Kiara let's out a quiet moan at the memory. "When you threw that wrench.. It filled my mind with endless of sexual scenarios and it felt so good."

"You liked that?" JJ asks with an raised eyebrow.

Kiara smirks at him, biting her lip. "Mhm."

"Really?"

Kiara nods.

"You like when I get frustrated huh?" JJ's voice is suddenly dominant, it's low and dark. He moves closer to her. "You like watching me?"

"Yes." Is all Kiara can get out. Her body is weak and her mind is blurry at his dominance. She never thought she'd fold this quickly.

"You think about my body Kie?" JJ's voice sends endless of shivers down her spine, she nods at his question. "You wanna touch it, don't you?" JJ moves even closer to her.

Kiara nods quickly, eager to touch him. "Yes yes. I want you Jay. Please"

"Fuck Kie. You have no idea what those words do to me." JJ groans, sighing deeply.

"You have no idea how long I've thought about this." Kiara bites her lip, her eyes fully on his bare torso.

"You have?"

"Yeah.. I've had to deal with the situations myself so many times, for months now."

"Situations?"

Kiara nods, licking her puffy lips. "Mhm.. But no type of vibrator.. not even my own fingers.. comes close enough to how you make me feel." Kiara let's the words fall from her lips, feeling bold and confident.

JJ's eyes becomes wide. He can't understand that this is happening. "Fuck."

"Are you ok?" Kiara's voice breaks his trance.

"Uh yeah. Sorry it just can't believe that this is happening right now."

"Yeah.. It's a bit weird."

"But not bad weird." JJ looks up at her through his lashes with a smirk, not leaving her with his gaze.

"No. Not bad weird." Kiara smirks back, feeling a little giddily, as she closes the space between, connecting their foreheads.

Nothing else is said between them. The closeness is so addictive, breathing in each other's air that's filled with tension, love, warmth, comfort and lust. They tilt their heads so that their lips brush against each other, like they're testing the waters. It's so intimate and overwhelming but also so satisfying and so beautiful. As their lips touch, their noses brush against each other too.

They both closes the small gap between their lips at the same time, softly pressing their lips against each other. It's slow at first, sweet and gentle. Like they're trying not to hurt one another. So much is being said in the way their lips touches, how they move and taste. So many things that can't be explained or said in any other way.

Kiara's hands starts to wander all over his chest, arms and back. Touching every inch she possibly can reach. As her hand wander, the kiss becomes more intense and heated. JJ swipes his tongue over her bottom lip, begging her to let him in. It doesn't take long for Kiara to fold at his action, letting him in immediately.

The kiss is now raw and needy, desperately wanting more than possible. JJ grabs her waist and pulls her closer to his body and Kiara's hands travels everywhere she can reach. They're both breathing heavily, their minds being fully focused on each other. They need each other, crave each other.

"Jay.." Kiara says with a breathy voice.

"Mhm." JJ answers, pulling at her shorts.

"Take them off."

JJ breaks away from the kiss, his hands still on the edge of her shorts. They're still holding each other close, their noses being pressed against each other.

"Please." Kiara's submissive tone sends waves of heat through JJ's body.

JJ starts to unbutton her shorts, pulling down the zipper. He's taking his time, teasing the edge of her grey panties before pulling down the shorts completely. Kiara steps out of them as JJ takes a small step back, taking in the view. His eyes travels down to her covered vagina, meeting a wet spot that's clearly visible.

JJ swallows at the sight, feeling every part of him aching to touch her.

"I know." Kiara answers his unasked statement. "I've never been this wet before. It's fucking torture-"

"I wanna taste it."

His words are raw and his voice dark. Kiara can't to anything else than nod and whisper a quiet "fuck".

It all happened so quickly.
Their lips connecting, JJ lifting her up to sit on the table and licking every inch of her core, swallowing her juices. Kiara shaking and screaming as she hits her second orgasm before pushing herself of the table and guiding JJ to the couch. Her pushing him down to the couch, eagerly pulling off his shorts and grinding her wet and sore core on his warm and hard chest. Kissing is red and wet lips, that's covered in her juices. Before she slowly repositioned herself down right in his crotch, spreading her wetness all over his hard and aching bulge.
It all happened so slowly.
Their breaths intertwined, as they touch each other every where possible, taking their time to relax into the moment and capture every part of it.

Every. Single. Movement.

Every. Single. Word.

Was done and said in the most natural ways. It was like an choreographed dance, with matching music.

But it all ended before the final scene. Before the grand finale. It was like their own bubble of intimacy and love bursted and was destroyed in only a matter of seconds.

The sound of the Twinkie's engine pulling up to the chateau, pulled them both back into reality.

They both froze in their positions, catching each others eyes. And then it all went quick. JJ pulling on his shorts, fumbling with the zipper as he searches for his T-shirt. Kiara pulling on her shirt, fixing her hair while she searches for her shorts. In only a few seconds, all though it felt like an eternity, they were both dressed and sat on different sides of the living room. JJ on the couch and Kiara on a chair by the table.

John B stumbles into the chateau with bags in his hands. He doesn't acknowledge his friends at first, they're both quiet while watching him put the bags down.

"Oh hey guys." John B says.

JJ waves awkwardly from his position on the couch. Kiara abruptly stands up and leaves. She walks through the door and out on the yard. She needs to get out, get away, breathe.

What just happened.

That's what she asks herself. That's the only thing she's got on her mind right now.

What the actual fuck just happened.

There's no feeling of regret, not even a little hint of it. She doesn't regret what happened, she'd do it again, she would've kept going if they weren't interrupted. She would've gone the whole way.

"Holy shit." Kiara says with a sigh.

She would've had sex with JJ.
She wanted to. God, she actually wanted to have sex with JJ and she was about to.

But the bubble bursted, and the reality came back into frame. That they're in their best friend's house, about to have sex, where anyone could just walk in.

Thank god the twinkie's engine is loud, if they wouldn't have heard it, John B would have seen it. Cause Kiara knows she wouldn't have been able to just stop, her mind was set and incredibly focused on what was happening and on JJ.

But as soon as they parted, she felt an aching need, desire and urge to be close again. Cause she can't for the life of her deny the sexual attraction. It's an constant aspect that keeps on reminding her that she's deeply and utterly in love with him.

Kiara hunches down on the ground, hugging her legs with her arms.

"Kie."

She quickly stands up at the sound of his voice, turning around to face him. Her cheeks turn red in an instant and she feels a little nervous.

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you leave?"

"Just had to get some fresh air." Kiara lies, biting her tongue.

JJ nods and begins to fiddle with the rings on his fingers. "So uhm.."

"Yeah.." Kiara answers, knowing what he's aiming for. "I-"

"Are you ok?" JJ asks, looking at her with puppy dog eyes.

"I'm ok." She answers genuinely. "Are you?"

JJ nods his head slightly. "Yeah yeah.."

Kiara can sense that he's trying to communicate, to talk to her about what happened and how he's feeling. But it isn't easy,

"You wanna talk about it?" Kiara asks with an light tone.

JJ meets her eyes. "I don't know."

"I can start." Kiara continues. "I uh.. I really liked it." Her confession feels a little embarrassing, it's so real and true.

"I did too."

"That's good." Kiara let's out a breath.

"Just a little bummed that we got interrupted.." JJ says, it's quiet but not inaudible.

Goosebumps go through Kiara's whole body at his statement.

"Actually. I'm really annoyed. I didn't want to stop."

Oh.

"I didn't want you to either."

They are suddenly close again. Their foreheads collide and they are once again breathing each other's air.

"I love you Jay." Kiara whispers. "So much."

JJ meets her eyes as his nose brushes against hers. "I love you too Kie."

"How much?" Kiara says with a low voice.

JJ grins softly, taking her hand in his. "So fucking much." His voice is low and dark.

"Show me." Kiara presses her words out, making them escape with a quiet moan.

JJ eagerly closes the small gap between their lips, pressing into her soft and warm lips. Feeling every inch of her lips on his, taking in every part of her. The kiss is full of passion, lust and so much love. It's overwhelming and not enough at the same time, yet it's exactly what they want. Its everything all at once.

It's perfect.