JORDI ADKINS
The current reign of silence inside my room has never been deafening. Usually, when I'm all by myself, I play some loud ass music just so I wouldn't have this feeling that I'm all alone. However, having Xavier's unwanted presence here, I really thought I don't need to play anything but to add to my already existing disappointment, he's been quiet the entire time ever since I pulled him here. He was just sitting at the edge of my bed with his mouth tightly shut and for the most part, I was just sitting on my swivel chair pretending as if I'm doing something on my laptop. Billie was just displayed on one corner and the eyes the Xavier drew on her looked like she's been watching me the entire time.
"Okay, I'm going to have to throw the towel here." I began finally deciding to break the reign of silence myself. I said I don't want to start the conversation but I've ran out of patience. "You came here to apologize right?" Using my foot, I swiveled around to face Xavier. It's good that he came here to apologize for basically doing nothing but he shouldn't have to be probed about it.
"Uhm, yeah." He replied. "I'm really sorry for doing nothing earlier. It's just-"
"What?"
"It's just that I froze in the moment. I wanted to step in, trust me, I really did want to smack the hell out of Nixon but I saw a lot of people watching and I got scared." Xavier continued.
I was right. Xavier got shit scared and I know I got scared in that moment too. If I hadn't held my own ground, Nixon would've easily owned me like he used to do way back when Xavier was on his side. I guess it's really a good thing that I toughened myself up in that moment for the first time in like forever. It felt good to know that I could really do it. I guess in a subtle way, Xavier inadvertently forced me to be the tough bitch that I was a while ago. I don't have to be thankful about it though.
"You got scared?"
"Yeah... I know, I fucked up." He snapped making it seem like it's fault when it's really nobody's fault. Nixon was really a flat ass bully and Xavier's on his way to out of that world. "A lot of people were watching and I didn't want to make the situation even more complicated. I really like you Jordi, I really do and it's weird because I have never liked a guy before." Xavier went on and I felt like I'm about to blush. I'm really simping for him right now when I clearly should be upset for what happened. I should be pissed and angry and enraged that he just stood there and watched his friends. I don't really know why I'm just getting softer and softer like a melting ice cream every time Xavier speaks like this. "There's just a lot of things that I'm really scared about. I don't want you to think that I just watched you get bullied because I was really not." Xavier added and I know he was pretty much serious about this. In a way, I do get what he was trying to say. This is all new to him and he's scared that people would judge him.
"Yeah, I get it. Whatever." I trailed off wanting to put an end to the conversation. "At least, I stood up for myself and honestly, it felt really really good."
"Great, that's great." Xavier babbled out. "I also came here because I forgot to give you this little thing that I made for you." He got up and handed me a piece of folded paper from his pocket.
"What is this?" I believe it was a piece from his notebook. "If this was a silly letter of apology or whatever, I'm not into it." I noted because I'm not really fond of those cheesy letters. If we were living in the 50's or even 60's, I'm probably okay with it but we're in the twenty-first century now.
When I unfolded it, I was in absolute awe to see my own face skillfully sketched using a pencil. The gayest Jordi hidden inside of me was spontaneously thrown in a universe of overwhelming ecstasy.
"I got bored and I have been thinking about you lately so I decided to sketch your face during class." Xavier's really making me swoon right now and I would do whatever the fuck I can to calm my tits.
"Holy mother Theresa! You really sketched this?" I glued my eyes on the drawing and carefully inspected how accurate it was. It's just drawn using a pencil but it looked exactly like my face. Xavier sketched this and while I knew he's good at drawing and sketching, I never realized that he's actually like a pro at it. He got everything right from my nose, my eyes, my eyebrows, my lips and even my curly hair.
"Do you want some snacks boys?" My mom showed up out of the blue.
"Mom, can you please knock before you enter?" I snapped feeling slightly offended.
"Oh please, Jordi. It's not like you two are doing something weird." Mom said casually ignoring the fact that she just barged in unannounced. "What's that?" She asked slowly snatching the paper on my hand.
"Mo—" I felt embarrassed but I had to keep my cool.
"Who sketched this?" She asked while staring at what's drawn on the paper.
"I-I did." Xavier replied shyly.
"Really? It's very skillfully sketched, it's like I'm looking at a portrait. You are a very talented young man. Look, you even got Jordi's eyes that he got from his father. Ooohhh, I love that." Mom cooed.
"Thank you, Mrs. Adkins." Xavier replied.
"Oh please, Xavier, quit calling me Mrs. Adkins. I love the utmost respect but just call me Zinnia instead and don't you dare put aunt before it. I'm really fine with people just addressing me by my name. I hate being called aunt, it makes me feel old and barren like my alcoholic sister which I'm not." Mom went on and if she keeps on speaking while subtly embarrassing me right in front of Xavier, I'm going to walk out.
"Cookies!" I chimed.
"What?" My mom asked seemingly forgetting that she just asked if we wanted some snacks.
"You asked if we wanted some snacks, right?"
"Oh yeah. Cookies then. Jordi, sweetie, I think you really need to frame this." My mom handed me the piece of paper back before eventually walking out of my room.
I looked over at Xavier and immediately had to shake the feeling of embarrassment from my mom. "I'm really sorry about my mom. She's a little intense at times."
"What are you talking about? She's not intense, she's actually really cool and I think she really loves you that much." Xavier replied. "I really wish my mom was like that." He added and his tone kind of went soft.
"Why? Is your mom like—"
"Let's not talk about my mom." Xavier was quick to cut me off and his tone came out a little bit sharp prompting me to think that he does not have a good relationship with his mom. "Sorry, I'm just not comfortable talking about her."
"Okay." I swiveled back to face my laptop and when I checked my pinned note, I realized that we actually have some things to do. "By the way, since you're here anyway, we should take the video for sex ed."
"Oh yeah. I almost forgot about that one."
Xavier and I immediately got ready with what we have to do. Apparently we still have to shoot a video doing all of parental stuff. We had Billie all prepped up like a real infant. We began shooting this video explaining and detailing everything that we're doing with Billie and pretending as if she's an actual baby that came out from someone's womb.
For the most part, Xavier was doing all of the actual job and I've got to say he's really quite dedicated about this whole pretend parenting thing. I was watching him pretend to change Billie's diapers while I was behind the camera and all I saw was a genuine person. I don't see that bad boy Xavier that I used to know him for but rather a fatherly inclined figure. At some point, things went in slow motion and it seemed like there's a different glowing light that's shining through his handsome face.
As the shoot proceeded, I was slowly starting to feel like this was a real a family and I might be delusional but that's all what my eyes saw. Xavier was charmingly good at acting like this was all real and I was quite honestly starting to get invested. He was even talking to Billie and as foolish as it sounds, I started to get my acting together.
At some point during the shoot, my mom showed up with our snack. She quickly noticed that we were shooting a video and she was really respectful about it which I really did appreciate.
Xavier and I had to take a break after a while. We had a small talk but that's only because I was feeling shy. I don't want to say anything that might turn him off and I might be getting conscious of myself but this was all new to me. After having our snack, we both then went back to shooting the video. I really kept on looking at Xavier's face and how gorgeously carved it was. He had a nice jawline and every time I look at his profile view; I feel like I'm watching a hot redhead actor playing a certain role.
By the time we were done filming everything in one go, I didn't realize it's already dark. It seemed like we were just shooting for less than an hour but the reality was we took almost two hours. Maybe the reason why it felt short was because I enjoyed Xavier's company.
Xavier and I sat right beside each other at the very edge of my bed after re-watching the video and for a while, we were just quiet like a rock.
"So, things didn't go the way I planned it earlier." Xavier mumbled breaking the silence.
"Yeah."
"Do you have any plans after class tomorrow?" Xavier's voice penetrated through my eardrums and it sounded like music to my ears.
"Uhm..." I swallowed hard as I was starting to feel dizzy. "I don't have any plans."
"Do you like want to hang out?" He added.
"Uhm, what?" I heard what he said but it's just that I felt like this was nothing but a dream.
"I'm asking if you want to hang out with me tomorrow?" He rephrased his initial question but I was already staring at his eyes.
It's just the two of us inside my room and that kind of made me want to kiss Xavier. His lips were just a few inches away from mine and just when I had obtained the courage to kiss his lips, my mom barged in.
Xavier and I quickly looked away from each other and pretended as if we weren't about to kiss.