Ebina: "Y/N... I wanted to thank you for what you did."
Y/N: "..."
If I was being honest, I didn't want to listen to her voice right now. I didn't want to listen to anyone's voice. I was having enough trouble listening to my own.
Even now, as I stood on the school's rooftop to talk with Ebina, I spoke minimally so I wouldn't hear myself.
Added with that, I've been thinking a LOT since the Tobe "incident", and I seemed to be in a constant state of asking questions without receiving answers.
However one question that I asked myself stood out more than the rest.
Is it my fault?
I was sure that it was, clearly because I was the one that put myself in this situation. But I began to think on things and how they could've gone differently.
Is it my fault that Tobe fell in love with Ebina? Is it my fault that he came to my club for help? Is it my fault for resolving the situation the way I did, even though it was for the greater good of everyone?
To the latter question, it only felt like this situation ended positively for Ebina, as she was the only one that thanked me.
Of course, watching Tobe and Ebina talk with the rest of the group, it clearly isn't awkward for them. They spoke normally to each other as far as I could tell. So clearly I succeeded in the majority's rule.
But why didn't it feel like it?
Ebina: "Tobe's an idiot and a loser... but he's a nice guy, I think."
Y/N: "...I didn't resolve your problem."
She wanted the guys to come closer together, if I remember correctly. However, as far as I could see, Hayama began to act antagonistically toward Tobe in an attempt to get him to stop his confession. Certainly the polar opposite of "coming closer together".
Ebina: "I suppose. But you understood what had to be done, right?"
She wanted to push the boys further away from herself so she could watch from a distance and stay as friends.
That's why she didn't want Tobe to confess to her. She knew that it'd be awkward if they were around each other with the rest of the group. There'd be a crushing tension in the air, in other words.
As I stood on the roof of the school, I enjoyed the nice breeze that had left as quickly as it arrived. It kind of reminded me of the time when I was up here with Sagami-san.
Maybe this roof is a curse...
"Who knows, maybe I could get with you, Y/N-kun." She had her hands behind her back as she looked at me.
"...Nah."
I'm very tired. I have a lot of things on my mind. I don't want to deal with anyone anymore.
As a result, meeting the desires and needs of a girlfriend are the last thing on my mind.
"Yeah, you're right... I kind of like how you can be so brutally honest with people you don't care about."
"..."
"I suppose that's all I came here to say. Thanks again, Y/N-kun."
She walked back down the staircase silently, and I was left alone on the roof.
"... *sigh*" I rubbed my eyes tiredly, attempting to ease the dark circles around them.
Leaning my head against the railing in front of me, I tried to relax before the next bell would ring. But as luck would have it, the bell rang regardless. I was late for class.
"..."
Was there really a point in going to class either way? I'm not going to listen to anything the teacher says as I'll be lost in my thoughts for, what feels like, the rest of my life.
I sat on the floor of the roof, pointing my head up to look at the blue sky overhead. My hands laid lifelessly by my side, and my bag flopped against the floor in the process.
"..."
My mind replayed back to the incident with Tobe for the hundredth time today.
I was still a little confused with the reason why everyone had a sudden change of heart. Everyone suddenly seemed to care about how things were being resolved.
The fact that I had rushed in front of Tobe to get Ebina's response was a good thing, wasn't it? I mean, it stopped the confession, Ebina's response wasn't directed toward Tobe, and the entire friend group is back to normal.
That's what everyone wanted, right? Complete stagnation. No progress forward or backward. Just to have their relationship stay the same way that it's been.
And it happened. Their relationship is the same.
So why is this still in my head? Why am I still asking myself questions about it everyday? Why did everyone suddenly get mad with the way I resolved things?
Hayama even apologized to me, for what? Why did he apologize?
If I remember correctly, he said, "...I forgot the way you solve situations. I'm sorry."
Why? Why is he sorry?
The way I solve situations? It didn't harm anyone. The only person that was harmed was me. Isn't that the best way?
I didn't care about the fact that I was harmed, so why does everyone else care?
"...God, I need to stop asking questions."
The more questions that filled my brain, the less answers arose.
I guess... I guess I should just accept things the way they are.
Everyone's mad at me now, and there's nothing I can do to resolve it. So I won't try anymore.
I give up.
Timeskip to the Clubroom.
I stood right behind the door, close to entering the room, however I held myself back. The sound of Yuigahama's voice happily speaking to Yukino is what stopped me from entering.
She seemed to be so... normal with how she spoke.
Is that weird? Is it weird to sound normal?
Yui: "Now that I remember, did you hear about that new transfer student?"
Yukino: "I haven't."
Hearing Yukino's voice through the door made me extremely demotivated to enter.
Not to say that I hated her by any means. However, I know there is no happiness once I enter. The last time we saw each other, it wasn't with happy or content faces. It was Yukino's bitter face against my bewildered expression.
And Yukino isn't the only problem. Yuigahama cried the last time I saw her. That's how bad everything went.
And it only gets worse.
Yui: "The new transfer has this beautiful orange hair! I was so surprised by it, I immediately ran towards her!"
Yukino: "It must've been nice."
Sigh... Here goes nothing.
I opened the door to the club, immediately being met with Yuigahama's and Yukino's gazes accordingly.
Their faces of happiness quickly diminished to simply neutral, as silence filled the air. I returned the expression and sat at my seat.
Normally, Yuigahama wouldn't have stopped talking to Yukino at all. And even if she did, she would've continued where she left off. She never did.
We all stayed silent, as I held a book in front of me to read in an attempt to drive away the tension in the room. Yukino took a sip out of some tea that lay in her hands as she spoke.
Yukino: "So, you're here."
Y/N: "Guess so."
It stayed silent for a little while longer. To be honest, I couldn't read with the ringing in my ears from the silence. Even the ticking from the clock that lay on the wall seemed louder than anything else on earth at this point.
The silence wouldn't last, though.
Yui: "Ah, come to think of it, everyone seemed to be pretty normal, right?" She desperately tried to start a conversation. "I mean, uh... Everyone's... normal..."
She looked down at her seat in sadness, probably realizing that everyone BUT US were normal. So, I tried to make everything normal between the three of us as well.
Y/N: "Yup. Nothing seemed out of place as far as I could see."
Yukino looked at me with her eyes half-open. She clearly understood the discrepancy in my statement.
Yukino: "Is that so? Well, that's good then."
Maybe she tried to play along with it? Assuming she wants to have everything go back to normal as well.
Yui: "M-Man, I was pretty nervous, but now I see there was no reason to worry! Ahaha... They're all totally... normal..." She appeared to be relieved as she began her sentence, but her faith seemed to dwindle as she continued.
Eventually, she rested her hands in her lap as she brought her head down. She didn't seem relieved.
Yui: "I... I don't know what you're thinking anymore..."
Y/N: "..."
Yukino: "There was no way to tell what he was thinking to begin with. Even if we know each other, understanding each other is an entirely different matter."
Do we still have to talk about this...? It's getting kind of annoying.
Y/N: "It doesn't matter anymore, right? Isn't it just best for us to be normal as well?"
Yukino: "Normal, huh..." I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying anything else. She continued on. "So that's what's normal for you, is it? To not change? You're just-..." It seemed like she bit her tongue to stop herself as well.
She balled her hands up to a fist in her lap, trying to suppress whatever emotions she was feeling.
Now that I realize it, isn't that what she wanted to go against? She wanted everyone in this world to change for the better, so they could grow as people. Even stating that she would do it by herself if she had to.
The fact that the entire friend group went back to normal is the exact problem.
Tobe never got to confess to Ebina himself. He didn't have to rejection directly spoken to him. He never gained, nor lost hope.
Tobe's chance to grow as someone was directly contradicted by my actions.
Of course, I would've realized that sooner. However, before my thoughts could process in my head, Hiratsuka-sensei had entered the room abruptly, which blurred my mind entirely.
Sensei: "Hey, I'm coming in!" She was already inside the room by the time she spoke. "I want to ask you guys a favor."
Yuigahama and Yukino both lowered their heads at the same time, avoiding Hiratsuka-sensei's gaze. I bowed my head as well once Sensei turned her gaze to me.
Sensei: "Uh. Did something happen?"
Yukino: "No, nothing... Did you need something?"
Sensei: "Yeah." She looked over to the open door that led to the room. "You can come in now!"
Once she stopped talking, Meguri, who was the former president of the student council, entered the room. However, she didn't close the door behind herself. Instead, one other girl entered the room alongside her.
Yui: "Shiromeguri-senpai! Ah, the transfer student as well!"
Transfer: "Hey~!"
Wait... This transfer student...
Yui: "S-Sorry, I completely forgot your name... What was it again?"
It can't be... Her orange hair, that high-pitched voice... no.
Transfer: "Oh, no worries! My name is Isshiki Iroha!"
...Shit.
Yui: "Iroha-chan!"
Iroha: "Hey again, Yui-senpai!"
They both exchanged happy smiles to one another, alongside Meguri. Meanwhile, I was desperately hoping that Iroha would simply un-acknowledge my existence entirely. However, nothing in my life ever goes as planned.
She immediately locked eyes with me after speaking with Yuigahama. The moment she saw me, I saw her eyes widen for a few seconds in shock.
I lowered my head to break the line of sight between us both out of embarrassment. A few seconds later, she seemed to realize that the best way out of this was to simply act like she had no idea who I was.
Iroha: "What's your name?"
Y/N: "..."
Her eyes stared right down into mine, and despite the fact that she stayed silent with a smile on her face, she was clearly stressing out as well. She raised her eyebrows to me so I could catch a hint.
Y/N: "...Um. My name's L/N Y/N..."
Iroha: "Nice to meet you!" She quickly turned to Yukino in order to break the conversation between us. "And you?"
Yukino: "Yukinoshita Yukino. Please, have a seat." She had taken out two chairs for both Meguri and Iroha to sit on.
Timeskip...
Yui: "You're running for student council president?"
Iroha: "Yup!"
I continued to stare at Iroha in some form of bewilderment.
Why was she here? Of all the schools, she had to come to MINE? I saw her in Kyoto, and she was clearly familiar with the area. So how did she end up in my school which is over 3 hours away?!
Iroha: "Ah, you think I can't handle a position like that, don't you?" She was talking to me.
She probably thought that my expression meant that I had little faith in what she was doing. However, I could hardly follow what they were talking about to begin with.
Y/N: "U-Uh... No, nothing like that..."
Iroha: "I get that all the time, so I can tell! People say I'm dumb and slow!"
Now that she's talking to me, why is she acting so strangely? She seemed so much more relaxed when I talked with her in the cafe, but now she sounds like an annoying kid who couldn't get some ice cream.
Yukino: "Well, is there a problem?" She spoke to Iroha, as she sipped from her cup of tea.
Meguri: "Well... Isshiki-san is running for student council president, but um... how to put it..." Meguri spoke for Iroha's sake, however her words ended up fumbling on itself by the end. "She wants to make sure she isn't elected..."
Yuigahama and Yukino looked confused, as they questioned her.
Yui: "Uh... So, you don't want to be student council president?"
Iroha: "Yup, that's right!"
Yukino: "...Then why are you running?"
Iroha: "Well, I didn't volunteer myself. Someone else put me in the running~! I guess you could say I stick out, in a bad way?" She spoke as if she was some sort of idol. "I'm the football team manager and I'm friends with Hayama-senpai, so I guess that's how people see me now~."
Her voice made me want to tear my ears off, however I suppose that's only a good thing for her. If she were to act normally, like she did around me when we were in the cafe, people probably wouldn't hang around her.
She seemed like the popular type when she acted this annoyingly. It gives her ground to make a complete facade extremely effectively. Especially considering the fact that she was already friends with Hayama, which probably gave her bragging rights to a lot of her friends.
Yukino: "I don't understand why anyone would elaborately enroll you into becoming student council president. Either way, you still need 30 votes to even be elected."
Y/N: "Isn't losing the vote the best option, then?" Everyone in the room had their eyes on me, which made me slightly lower my head in nervousness. "I mean... Isn't that really the only way? Just have someone else that's running for president win the vote..."
Meguri: "We already considered that option, but Isshiki-san is the only one who is running for student council president..."
Yukino: "What about a vote of confidence?" She's proposing that Iroha purposefully acts weak so that no one votes for her.
Iroha: "I'd look really pathetic, though!"
Suddenly, an idea popped up in my head.
Y/N: "...Do you have someone in mind to give your campaign speech?" She shook her head, replying with a no. "Perfect. This'll be easy."
Yukino and Yuigahama both looked at me, a little bit of worry on their faces already appearing on their faces. However, there was mostly a face of anticipation on Yukino.
Y/N: "Make a bad campaign speech, then have someone say it out loud. We just need to make sure that everyone understands that it's not Isshiki-san's fault for what was said during the speech."
Yui: "Can we really do that?"
Y/N: "Once the bad speech is delivered, no one will give Isshiki-san a second thought."
...
...
Why was everything so quiet?
I looked around the room to see what had happened. However I was only met with stares from the entire room.
Yuigahama's expression was more of a surprised face, however not in a good way. It was as if she saw something that I do casually as a bad thing, and only now realized it.
Yui: "And who's going to give that speech...?" She lowered her head in some form of sadness. "I don't want to do that..."
Goddammit... This is the second time I've seen Yuigahama sad, and it hurts me every time.
Y/N: "...We just need to find someone who can do it, no?" Normally, that would be me. And by all means, I would do it willingly.
However, it seemed like that wouldn't fit right with someone.
Yukino: "I can't approve going about it that way."
Everyone in the room was now looking at Yukino. However, she didn't get nervous, nor was she affected by any of the looks. Nothing, at this point, could take her eyes away from me.
Y/N: "Why not?"
Yukino: "Because-... It's too uncertain. And a speech that breaks confidence in Isshiki-san would cause problems for her." She quickly tried to find a reason, however I never responded, so she continued. "E-Even if it worked, do you think they'd have a second election? And..." Her voice got louder as she breathed heavily. "There's not much interest in the student council. So if they announce the results without giving the numbers, no one will care! That means if they wanted to, they could...!"
She suddenly realized the situation she was in. When she was speaking, she had practically gotten up from her seat to say everything loudly. However, she was already speaking loud enough.
Almost everyone looked at her like she was losing her mind, and she probably was. In response, she sat down in her seat and composed herself.
Yukino: "I'm sorry for what I said. I take it back." Her hands picked up her tea from the table once more. "In any case, the only way is to back another candidate and have them win the election."
Y/N: "If someone really wanted to become student council president, they would already be in the running."
Yui: "B-But, if we asked around, maybe someone might join..."
Meguri and Iroha looked at each other in uncertainty, as if they've already tried to do that. Clearly, none of our workarounds were working.
Everyone went silent from the lack of ideas that could come to mind. Yukino seemed more infuriated than anything else, though.
She sipped from her tea calmly, however the fact that her eyes had been shut the entire time meant that there was obviously an emotion that she didn't want to share. My guess, anger.
Sensei: "Looks like this won't be solved right away... We'll try another day."
Meguri, Iroha, and Sensei all began to leave the room as they took their belongings. Iroha kept looking at me as she left the room, and Meguri followed after her.
Yukino: "Hiratsuka-sensei." She stopped her before she could leave the room. "Do you have a moment?"
Sensei stood by so that Yukino could speak.
Yukino: "What are the standings at the moment?"
Yui: "Standings?"
Y/N: "Oh, the competition to see who could do the most service and solve the most problems." Sensei still looked confused. "...Whoever won could make the loser do whatever they want."
Sensei: "Oh, that!"
Yui: "W-We were actually doing that??"
Sensei: "R-Right! Well... Uh..." She said she would keep count a long time ago, but it seems like she completely forgot. "You all worked on the same stuff together, so I'd say it's all coming along nicely. Yup."
Yukino simply stared at Hiratsuka-sensei harshly, and eventually, Sensei broke.
Sensei: "*groan* ...Well, I can give a relative assessment of the three of you, but it'll come from my own biased perspective."
Yukino: "That would be fine." She spoke quickly, as if she was waiting for a certain response from Hiratsuka-sensei.
Sensei sighed, putting her hand on her hip as she spoke.
Sensei: "If we're talking about results alone, Y/N has got the most service done. However, if we consider the way most services are handled, Yukino is faring much better. Either way, you both wouldn't get anywhere without Yuigahama's help."
Yukino: "So there's no definite winner yet?"
Sensei: "Yup."
"Then, it's fine if Y/N and I go opposite ways?"
Yuigahama quickly got worried, and tried to stop Yukino before she said something else. However, Yukino continued.
Yukino: "There's no point in working together when the way we do things are entirely different."
Sensei: "What'll happen to the club, then?"
"I suggest free participation. If you don't want to come, then don't."
Y/N: "..." I began to pack my book into my bag, and started my way for the door. She clearly didn't want me in the room.
Yuigahama really started to panic now, and she cried out to me so that I wouldn't leave, but I didn't want to be in the room just as much as Yukino wanted me to leave.
As she said, if I didn't want to come to the club, then I won't.
Yukino had put her cup of tea down onto the table, looking at me as I walked to the door.
Yukino: "To think I ever believed you and I were similar..." I left the room after hearing her words.
No thoughts filled my head as I walked through the school's corridors. I only had one place on my mind, home. I couldn't bear to be in this school anymore.
I speed walked my way back to the entrance, hurrying to get out, however I was stopped.
Sensei: "Y/N, wait up!"
Y/N: "..."
She made her way closer to me, and once she was in front of me, she spoke.
"Did anything happen when you were in Kyoto?"
"Why are you asking?"
"I see... Y'know, Y/N, you're such a nice kid... "She smiled calmly at me, opposing the neutral frown on my face. "I know you've helped a lot of people."
"It's not like that..." I finished my sentence, and she winked at me in response.
"There's certain people that I'm partial to, okay? I believe that helping people through praise is best." I wouldn't have guessed. "However, I give just as much discipline." She placed her hand on my shoulder, before walking away. "When you want to help someone that you love, you won't be able to."
I stood where I was for a little while longer, before slowly walking to the entrance of the school.
I didn't feel like going home that bad anymore. Now, I was just hungry.
On top of that, Sensei's words put me in a state of thinking, just like I have been for the longest while. However the only thoughts that ran through my head were Yukino's words.
She used to think we were similar...
I'm certain every action I took was almost in direct opposition to her. But maybe, at some point, it wasn't. Maybe, we truly were similar for a time.
It feels like so long ago when that was a reality. However, it only seems like we're drifting further and further apart as time goes on.
I don't want us to drift apart, but I don't think there's anything I can do...
What do I do...
Everything's quickly falling apart :)
<3