This book is being rewritten under a new title "Silently Drowning", although nothing is happening to this book or the series that goes with it, I do suggest reading the rewritten version.
Alessia Ferrari
"Hey... Fifi? Are you okay?" Luca asked as I zone out for the fourth time since we started this conversation twenty minutes ago.
"Yeah, I'm just exhausted." Maybe I lied.
"Do you want to go take a nap?" He asks, his face is filled with concern.
"No, I'm fine... really." Sleep doesn't help when it's your soul that is tired.
Luca hesitantly nods almost like he's not sure if he can believe me or not. "Do you hate me?" His sudden question confused me.
"Why would I hate you?" I question as my eyebrows scrunch together.
"Because of him." Normally his name wouldn't bother me too much but right now? I'm glad he chose not to say it.
"Why would I hate you because of him? Someone else's actions don't fall on you when you didn't even know, I never told you."
"But I should have known... Maybe if I had tried harder... If you trusted me..." He began to ramble while running his fingers through his raven black hair.
"Luca, It wouldn't have changed anything. Trust or not he was your friend and I wouldn't have wanted to stand in the way of your happiness."
"My happiness? Are you serious Alessia? Do you think I'm happy knowing my best friend was harming my own sister right under my fucking nose?" Luca's voice raised slightly.
"You're right... I'm sorry."
"No Fifi... I'm sorry."
"What's going on out here?" Alessandro's sudden voice made me jump, I need to put a bell around my brother's neck at this rate, I'm beginning to question if he even goes home.
"Just talking." I say with a pointed glare towards Luca, hoping he got the message that I really don't want to drag this conversation on longer than necessary, he seems to get the message.
"Okay... Hey, are you okay?" He asks suddenly while looking at my eyes, I don't get why everyone keeps asking me that.
"Of course." I softly reply with a faint smile.
"Andy, are you busy today?" Luca asked.
"I have a few documents I need to sign with a new business we are partnering with but other than that? Not really... Why?"
"We haven't had a sibling night since we were kids, I think it might be good for all of us to spend some time together just without Enzo, I know Alessia doesn't want to argue with him anymore and that's all he seems to do."
"Don't stress it Luca-'' I wonder if they forgot I was sitting here, wouldn't be the first time. "I'll be back in forty. Alessia, you should invite Manny." Oh apparently he didn't forget I was here, that's a first.
"Wait, why?" I ask as I suddenly break out of my personal trance.
"He's made it pretty damn clear that he thinks of you as his own sister, it's only right he's invited to sibling night." He shrugs as he walks away, as my gaze shifts back up I look at a smiling Luca.
"Why are you smiling?" I questioned.
"No reason. I'm going to hop in the shower." He replies before walking away, his smile never faltering.
Odd.
**
To truly understand another person you must swim in the same water that drowned them.
I think my brothers are trying... Or at least most of them, but they can never truly understand the thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis.
All... But one.
"Angel... Can I speak to you for a moment?" Manny's voice breaks me out of my thoughts which also causes all of my brothers to stare at us.
"Um yeah? Of course." I reply as I begin to stand up and walk up to my room, closely followed by Manny.
"What did you want to talk about?"
He doesn't reply, instead he creepily stares at me for what felt like ages but was probably a few seconds when he surprised me by quickly wrapping me into a bone crushing hug. I thought about protesting but there was always something about Manny that seemed so comforting.
"Not that I'm complaining but what is this for?"
"I think you forget that I know you Angel. You're brother may not recognize the vacant look in your eyes but I do and you need a hug so shut the fuck up."
"I love you, hermano." I whisper into his chest.
[brother]
"I love you too, hermana." He whispers back while tightening his grip on me and taking a seat on the edge of the bed.
[sister]
**
A few days later
No matter how often you say everything is fine it's only a matter of time before you crumble on yourself, when everything that was done or said weighs heavily on your mind.
I hate you
Nobody will believe a slut
I didn't know you were a slut too
What a pathetic excuse to ditch
You deserve it.
The feeling of the cold metal ripping through your skin is oddly comforting, a feeling I prayed I wouldn't miss but I've fucked everything else up it's only right I fuck this up too.
Third Person
Luca has been worried about his sister's odd behavior over the last few days and alerted Alessandro of his concerns, he decided to stay home and monitor his little sister, but that can only do so much.
When he noticed it's been a while since he heard anything from Alessia's room he decided to walk up and check on her, knocking a few times and receiving no answer only fueled his fears.
Alessia heard the knocks but was too consumed by the blood dripping from her fingers to pay too much attention to who was calling her name on the other side.
Once he finally got the door open the sight before him broke his heart.
"Oh Alessia..." He whispers as he slowly approaches the girl. "It's alright... Let's get you cleaned up okay?"
He didn't receive a response but she did nod her head ever so slightly, he probably would have missed it if he wasn't paying close enough attention.
Alessandro carefully took her arm towards the sink and ran her fresh wounds under warm water.
After a few minutes he carried her to bed and held her against his chest.
"Do you want me to get Niccolò?" He questions.
"Manny." She finally speaks.
"Manny's not here."
"He's my favorited contact on my phone."
"Do you want me to call him?"
"Mmhmm."
Alessia knows most of her brothers seem to be trying, but there's only so much they can do and say when she's in this state.
They don't know what to do or say and so they don't say the wrong thing, they choose silence and being stuck in a silent room can be so much worse.
Alessandro sat on the edge of her bed while running his fingers through his little sister's hair as she fidgeted with the rings on his fingers.
Despite the situation Alessandro couldn't help but smile at his sister finding comfort in his hands and jewelry, just like when she was younger. He knows how disappointed his parents would be if they could see how much pain his sister was in. He's disappointed in himself.
After fifteen minutes the door slowly creaked open and Manny quietly stepped inside.
"I got her." He whispers as he goes to pick up Alessia from his lap.
"You'll take care of her, right?" Alessandro asks.
"Always." Manny couldn't help but smile at the clear concern coming from Alessia's older brother, he was happy to see his Angel having more people in her corner. He will always be there when she needs him but he was always worried something would happen again and he wouldn't get to her in time.
"I was worried you wouldn't need me anymore now that you have the biologicals around more." He whispers into Alessia's hair.
"I'm always going to need you." She whispers back while nuzzling closer to her found-brother.
"Why didn't you call me?" Manny asks while looking down at her freshly bandaged wrist.
"I didn't want to be a bother and I didn't want to disappoint you."
"Angel, I need you to listen to me. You are not a bother, not now.. not ever. I don't expect you to just magically be okay after everything you went through. I'm actually surprised you held on as long as you did, you are so strong.
Relapse is a part of recovery and anyone that tells you any different doesn't realize how difficult it is with all the thoughts that run through that pretty little head of yours.
You aren't whatever that piece of shit told you, you aren't whatever your twin said in a spit of rage, you aren't whatever that Tiara bitch said because she thought you wanted to sleep with your twin, and you aren't whatever you seem to think of yourself.
You are incredibly strong, you are beautiful, sure you're not perfect but anyone who claims they are are simply blinded by society's expectations.
You went through so much completely alone but you're not alone anymore.
You have me, you have Romeo, you have Alessandro, you have Luca, and I hate to say it but you have Niccolò too.
It surprising you made it as long as you did without completely breaking so let us help you heal, it's not going to be over night and you didn't fuck anything up by having a setback. Do you understand?"
"Mmhmm."
"Do you want cuddles?" Manny asks while wiping the tear off Alessia's cheek.
"Please."
**
Alessia Ferrari
A week later
Manny had been spending more time at the house but if he does end up going home, he calls me every night and if I don't answer or sound 'off' he just shows up.
I hope he knows how grateful I am for him.
I was informed by my grandfather that Lorenzo was going to pick me up for therapy and although I know I could have declined I didn't want to be any more of a burden than I already am.
So instead of saying no I simply said 'okay' and walked out the front door when he wasn't looking.
The walk was actually faster than if I were walking to school, but just before I opened the door there was a sharp pain on the back of my head...
Then everything went dark.
[Words: 1744]
[Edited: August 2, 2023]