My phone rang. Twice.
Once from Lex, then once from Luca. I answered neither. Throughout the night I'd drank a bit more and gone to sleep on the couch only to sleep fitful. I had nightmares of my parents crash, in sickening detail. Then I dreamt of grandpa dying alone in the house. Which was how everyone I loved had passed. It was all too much.
The kisses were still there though, playing through my mind. I'd been kissed by both marines. Both wanted to have something...but I didn't know if I could. And wasn't sure which to pick. No, today I needed to be alone. I'd be 'sick'. An easy way to get out of commitments or social engagements was to feign an illness.
Picking up my phone I sent identical texts.
I'm not feeling well. Sorry. Will text you tomorrow.
I probably should have just faced my fears and told Lex I couldn't go hiking with him, it was best that we didn't get to know each other. He was leaving and I needed to start working, focus on making a new life here in Hawaii. Then with Luca....well, I still couldn't figure the man out. He wasn't fit for a club relationship. The kind that start with sex then snowball its way into arguing, incompatibility and breaking up mere months later. I had zero interest in that type of relationship.
If I decided to pursue something with Luca I'd have to get to know him more than I already did. More than texting about his family and his beloved marines. But beyond that, I'd have to open myself up. The prospect terrified me. I had a few secrets that would inevitably need to be told. Could Luca handle them? My past was an indication that men before couldn't. 'The right one, Mila, won't care. He will protect you and cherish you.' My dads words after my first college boyfriend still rang in my head.
No matter. I'd just drive over closer to Honolulu. Chill at the beach there. I could handle a short drive, not on the main highways. It had been weeks since I'd started grandpas Jeep up anyway. You had to run vehicles a few times a month to keep them healthy. Especially in this tropical climate.
"It's settled." I said out loud, trying to gather my courage up.
Plus, I'd been watching YouTube videos on dealing with grief after car accidents. Therapists all recommended that you face your fears before they became crippling. Sort of like what they say after shark attacks. If you go back in the water within a reasonable amount of time after the trauma, you are less likely to be fearful still. I wasn't even in the wreck with mom and dad, so my being scared to drive was irrational.
I was made of tough stuff. Warriors. I could do this.
💋💋
The Jeep rumbled a bit as I turned out of my driveway. Why grandpa put bigger tires on it and had it lifted I'll never know. It was sleek and had a lot of add-ons. The AC bothered me for some reason so I rolled all the windows down. I saw Terry in his driveway, hosing off his boat. He waved and I slowed to an idle.
"Mila! I'm taking another group out this weekend, if you want to work again. This time we go in my boat, they want to catch further out." He called out.
"I'll think about it and call you!" I said, waving.
I kept driving, hitting all the green lights as I went further down Kaneohe, skirting the water. Terry was fun to work with and fishing was beginning to entice me as a sport...but I had no desire to meet more marine's honestly. Not right now. What I really needed was to hear back from the US Jobs application I submitted. Working in a neutral place would be good. Even if it was on base.
The breeze picked up as my speed did, sending my dark hair spiraling all over the place. I laughed. The sun was out, it felt good to be driving, surprisingly enough, and I had packed some snacks I was excited to eat. A beach picnic is hands down the very best place to enjoy food. It just tastes better amongst the sand and surf.
The road narrowed to one lane on each side and the speed limit picked up more. This was where I always used to panic after first moving here. I gripped the wheel and told myself I was fine. I wouldn't get into a wreck. Flicking on the radio, an island filled my ears with ukulele music. It was peaceful and fitting for the setting.
This is paradise. Where your family comes from.
The thought made me smile again. Half of me came from here. I kept driving, panic nowhere to be found. Before I knew it, I was pulling over at a parking lot off to my left. A pretty deserted beach awaited. Only a van with a surf school logo was parked at the far end. This was perfect.
I got out and grabbed my towel and backpack, tucking my phone into my front pocket. I hadn't gotten a return text from either marine. It was odd. I'd at least expected to hear 'feel better' or something from them. No matter, I told myself, today was a marine free day. If I could help it.
The sand was warm when I reached it. I kicked off my slippers and carried them to a good flat spot near where the surf stopped. Laying out my towel, I sat down and stretched. The water was a gorgeous shade of turquoise and sea foam green. It was a bit choppy further out, which meant no swimming, rip currents were most likely present. This beach didn't have a lifeguard so no warning flags for anything.
I unzipped my bag and took out a Tupperware container with kale chips when my phone rang.
It was Luca.
💋💋
Luca.
Do I answer or ignore?
My heart was screaming answer and my mind was conflicted. Today, my heart was louder. I answered.
"Morning, are you ok?" He asked.
His side of the line was crackling though, making it hard to hear.
"Hi, yeah I'm ok. Just not feeling good." I replied.
He must be outside because the wind whipped heavily through the line.
"Wear sunscreen, it's going to be..."
More crackling.
"Hot today." He finished.
"It's hard to hear you." I laughed.
Then the call hung up. I stared at my phone but as I did, a text came in. It was from Luca.
I couldn't hear you, you must also be outside. Windy today.
He was outside, as I'd suspected. And now I'd given myself away. He knew I wasn't really sick.
It's ok if you want to avoid me, I'll be here whenever you're ready.
Regret snuck in. I should've just talked to him, instead of lying about feeling sick. And to Lex too. This was why I avoided clubs when I first moved. I'd successfully lived here for almost 6 months without meeting any marines, or any guys for that matter. Being a recluse wasn't sustainable though.
I sighed. What should I say to him? I decided to be short but nice.
I'm sorry I didn't just say I needed to think. I didn't want to bother you when I knew you had work.
He replied back quickly.
You could never bother me.
I waited to see what else he was going to say, but nothing else came through. I reread his texts. The ball was back in my court again it seemed. It was what I wanted I guess...but only because I was afraid to open up. The last time I'd done that, I was in college. My second ever boyfriend. He was in ROTC and planned to join the marines after graduation. But once he'd found out my condition, well, he slowly stopped being the nice attentive guy I was falling for. Then he broke it off. I couldn't stomach it happening again. Not with Luca. I liked him.
Can we have lunch tomorrow? I'll be training on the beach, same place you were with the shark. I'll bring the tacos.
I smiled. Ok, so maybe he wanted to dribble the ball, just a little.
💋💋
After a few hours sitting and reading, eating my food, I decided it was time to head back. Plus I needed to text Lex. I couldn't just leave him hanging. He deserved to leave knowing I couldn't get to know him, unless it was as friends. At least for now. I wasn't convinced Luca and I would ever be in a relationship.
The drive back was the same as the drive there, I listened to music and didn't think about crashing. It was a small victory. Once I got to my house though, my breath caught in my throat.
What was on my porch?
**This story is only found on Wattpad. If found on another site, it was stolen. Thank you for reading.💋**