X
I haven't felt this guilty since... my mama was killed.
Justine was right, I was wrong.
These words sound bad floating around in my head, but it's true. I groan quietly as I hold Justine close to me. She cried for a long time last night and I didn't even get upset with her. I should have, with her mentioning my mom, but I left to calm myself down, knowing that she had no idea and that her words seemed harmless to her...
Only if she knew how bad they hurt me.
I try to sleep, but the sun shining into my room is ruining my attempts. I close my eyes and it's no help, all I see behind my close eyelids are images of me walking in on Isaiah finger raping Justine. She looked in pain and he looked like he was enjoying it. I try to ignore the urge to get up and beat his ass, this is my third urge and I can't ignore it this time. I slide away from Justine and slip on a shirt. One last glance at her and I know what I have to do.
Not just for her, but for me too.
I slip out of my room quietly and go over to Stoke's room. I knock on his door, and he doesn't answer. I roll my eyes and barge in anyway.
He's all sprawled out, like a big ass dog would be.
I nudge him twice with my foot and he jumps up wildly out of his sleep.
"X, WHAT THE FU-" He stops as I shush him.
"Shh. We need to beat Isaiah's ass right now." I stare at him eagerly and he frowns sleepily.
"For what?" He scratches his head confused, and I frown.
"He raped Justine last night." His eyes widen and he looks fully awake now.
"What the fuck!? How!?" He looks at me waiting for the details and I shake my head.
"He had her tied up and mouth was gagged, and he finger raped her." I cringe from remembering and Stoke looks pissed.
"Let's go beat this nigga's ass, vro!" He balls his fists tightly and I nod towards the door.
I walk out of Stoke's room with him behind me. We get to Isaiah's room and the door is hanging on its hinges. I push it open and we see him snoring his ass off probably thinking he got lucky. I motion for Stoke to get him up. He nods and grabs his mattress, flipping it over, causing Isaiah to plop out onto the carpeted floor. He winced and looks around in a daze, before realizing what's happening.
"Get your ass up." I smirk and he knows why I'm here. His face drops and he stutters out quickly.
"X-X, Stoke... S-She should be just a piece of ass, let this go. Come on man!" He pleads pathetically and I laugh.
"You're a disgusting piece of shit." I swing my fist, knocking him in the jaw and onto his back on the floor.
I don't stop there though. Lifting my foot, I continuously kick him vigorously everywhere. He tries to cover himself up, but fails horribly. Stoke joins in and it's a kicking fest. I'm so damn angry I see everything red, the reddest of all is Isaiah. I think of how he disobeys me all the time and never really listens to me.
"AFTER THIS BEATING, YOU'RE FUCKING OUT ISAIAH, UNDERSTAND!?! OUT!!" I bend down and start punching the shit out of him. His head rolls around and I see blood dripping from his nose and mouth. I punch him harder as if I need to see more of his blood, as if I want to see more of his blood. I hear gasps and shrieks.
"No stop him, he's gonna kill him!" I snap my head towards the door to see Ool and Robb holding Justine back.
She looks like hell; bruised face, bags under her bloodshot eyes from all the crying. I stop punching Isaiah and stand up slowly. Ool and Robb let her go and she winces from being set on her feet too hard. She doesn't move, cause I take it she's still sore from last night. It's stupid how as soon as I see her I want to change. I want to be different, but I can't. Isaiah is right, she SHOULD be just a piece of ass, but she's not. She's become much more to me and that's a bad thing. I can't get like this with her or with anyone ever. I see her pleading eyes and it sends me off.
"Are you seriously gonna stand there and look all pitiful for him, Justine? When he was so close to raping the shit out of you no less than six hours ago??" She drops her eyes to the floor, unable to answer me.
"Come here..." I speak through clenched teeth. She looks at me with fearful eyes and hesitates to walk.
I know she's hurting, but this is what I'm using to prove her stupidity of trying to spare him.
She walks slowly and winces with each step. I flex my jaw and reach out, gripping her arm hard and yanking her all the way to me. She whimpers out louder and hits my chest. She breathes heavily and I look down at her.
"You're hurting, aren't you?" I speak strained into her face. She looks up at me in fear and nods slowly.
"But yet, you still find the will to want to help out the motherfucker who did this to you." I shake my head in disgust and she trembles.
"X, you don't have to beat him to death, I just don't want you to do that." My blood boils from the feeling of wanting to tell her 'okay, anything to make everything okay' but I can't.
I need to stop all of this.
"Well I don't fucking care what you want. So you're telling me, I shouldn't kill him for what he did?" I stare at her hard and she nods.
"You're taking this too far." She whispers softly.
"Too far? Too fucking far?? Nah, too far was when you mentioned my fucking mom! AND YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT TOO FAR!?" I feel myself about to go to that point of no return and once I'm there, I'm there. Seconds later Justine is no clutched against my chest. She's laying on the floor limply, a few feet away from Isaiah.
I pushed her. Pushed her away from me like she had a bad virus.
I tremble with anger and I hear that annoying ass subconscious in my mind.
Never have you treated her like that. Help her, tell her you're sorry, that you didn't mean it.
I shake my head and push the subconscious thoughts away.
I can't go there, it's not even right. I have to stop all of this. This thing I have brewing with Justine, it can't continue. I need to get away from her. She's too different... too pure.
"X, enough of that shit." Stoke growls from behind me.
I turn to see him glaring at me with bruised knuckles. I breathe deeply and stare at Justine on the floor. She pulls herself up slowly, to hug her knees to her chest.
How badly I want to make sure she's okay, but I can't. Instead, I make shit worse.
"Yeah, you're right Stoke, it is enough. I want her and Isaiah gone by the end of this week." Everyone looks at me like I just grown another head. Justine looks shocked.
"I-I can go h-home?" She stutters out confused and I laugh dryly.
"Fuck no. I'm sealing the deal with Zayn and Theo. You're out of here, for good. I snarl down at her and she frowns.
"But I don't-" She tries to get in a word, but I can't allow it.
I won't allow it...
"NO! YOU'RE FUCKING GONE! SUNDAY, I WILL ARRANGE FOR THEM TO PICK YOUR STUPID ASS UP AND TAKE YOU AWAY FROM HERE! I'M SICK OF ALWAYS HAVING TO WATCH OUT FOR YOU! YOU'RE COMPLETE NUISANCE! GET ALL THE SHIT I BOUGHT YOU, PACK IT UP AND GO STAY IN STOKE'S ROOM AND YOU BETTER HOPE TO FUCKING GOD, ISAIAH DOESN'T TRY AND RAPE YOU AGAIN, CAUSE I'M DONE! I WISH I NEVER TOOK YOU!" I yell loudly at the top of my lungs and everyone is frozen. I breathe heavily and try to calm myself down. Stoke slowly help Justine up and she winces again, and I try to ignore it. Stoke turns to me and gives me a look like he's just smelled something bad.
"You're fucking wrong. She ain't did shit to you. Isaiah is the problem..." He scolds me, before escorting Justine out of the room. I groan loudly and grab handfuls of my hair wanting to yank it out of my scalp. Robb chuckles.
"Bro, you're kicking her out? Why?"
"Right, she keeps everything so calm." Ool chimes in and I growl at them.
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" They shake their heads and leave out. I sigh heavily and look down at Isaiah.
"What the fuck are you looking at?" I snap and he stares at me, smirking with a bloody face.
"You're making the right decision. You need to get rid of that bitch, she was making you too soft. That's the first time I've seen you handle her like that." I grit my teeth and kick him hard on my way out of his room.
"Shut the fuck up Isaiah and start packing your shit." I run a hand through my hair for the 50th time and head to my room.
I pass Stoke's door and hear him consoling Justine. I close my eyes, trying to ignore the thought of her crying and walk into my room, slamming the door behind me. I sink onto my bed and groan in the pillow.
Why am I like this?
Why did I take her?
How was I suppose to know she'd be an impact on us?
How was I suppose to know she was different from other girls?
I growl angrily at the thought and grab my phone off my night stand. I dial up the number and he answers on the third ring.
"X... how nice to hear from you. What can we do for you?" Theo speaks calmly. I press the phone tighter in my hand.
"Take her, the girl... Justine. You can have her." I growl lowly. He sucks in a sharp breath.
"Zayn will be so happy to hear this. His own little virgin pet." He chuckles lightly and I swallow the lump in my throat.
"Yeah, she'll be ready to be picked up Sunday." I speak calmer this time.
"Perfect. See you all then." The line hangs up and I toss my phone back on the night stand and bury my face back in the pillow.
This will be good for everyone. We can't have her around anymore.
I can't have her around anymore.