Featured Lyrics:
(oop not me using two coldplay songs from the same album in a row)
Oh no, I see, a spider web is tangled up with me
And I lost my head, and thought of all the stupid things I'd said
Oh no, what's this? A spider web and I'm caught in the middle
So I turned to run, the thought of all the stupid things I've done
And I, I never meant to cause you trouble
And I, I never meant to do you wrong
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
The drive back home was long as you drove through the plains and away from the mountains. The silence between you and Eren was deafening. You could tell that his mind was on fire, but he wasn't doing anything to put out the flames. You had stopped by City Hall early in the morning to sort out Eren's truck that was stuck in the side of a mountain. Thankfully (or unfortunately), this was a regularly occurring incident and arrangements had been made to get it towed and repaired. Although, this was at the expense of lightening Eren's wallet.
You kept your eyes in front of you, pushing ahead and not starting any more conversations. You felt done and empty. The one time you had decided to take a risk backfired.
It had been about 2 hours into the drive before Eren said anything. "I'm really sorry, Y/N."
"What's there to be sorry about?" Your tone was cold and sharp.
"For everything."
You sighed, it seemed like it was the only thing you could do these days. "I don't know what that's supposed to mean, Eren."
He fidgeted in his seat, it was almost distracting to have him so close. "I feel like I keep disappointing you."
"You're not wrong about that," you didn't want to sugarcoat your words any longer. You wanted to protect yourself in these moments, but hiding and pretending only got yourself hurt. You were quickly learning that lesson as things continued to complicate themselves. "I just don't understand. It feels like these last four months, we haven't been on the same page."
Eren was silent, he absorbed your words like a sponge. You gripped your steering wheel harder, the whites of your knuckles coming through.
"You leave me for Hitch, you tell me to go to Armin. I go for Armin, you leave Hitch for me," you felt like you were sweating in your jacket. You wanted nothing more than to pull over and rip the layers off. "I wanted to move forward with Armin, but he broke that. When I tried to run back to you, you were already gone." You saw that Eren's face was stoic and unreadable, but he allowed you the space to air out your thoughts. "It felt like we were on the same page again when you came to find me, but you're pushing me away as soon as I come back. Things are going to hell as soon as things settle.." You had to squint to keep the tears out that were blinding your vision.
"I'm sorry," he said. It seemed like that's all he could say to you these days. "For the record, I do love you. I just couldn't say it last night or else I wouldn't have been able to restrain myself anymore."
You felt your stomach drop at his words. You wanted to dig deeper, but you couldn't bear to look at him for fear of driving both of you off the road.
"So you thought to tell me that after you've broken my heart." It felt like the words you were saying flowed effortlessly. Whatever walls you were straining to hold were now crumbling. "Why do you always restrain yourself?" you were scared of the answer.
Eren thought for a long time about his answer. "I didn't want to trouble you and confuse you more. That's all." In the corner of your eye, you saw Eren look out the window. "Armin's waiting for you to come back."
The sound of Armin's name, made your chest tighten causing you to catch your breath. You still had feelings for him, but the confusion of your situation with him made you confused and embarrassed and feeling betrayed.
"I just know that I can't make you happy in the ways that you want," he continued. "It's better for you if you just stay with Armin. He has the same goals as you, the same ideas as you, the same worldview. I don't know if I can do that for you."
"I never needed you to be any of those things. I just needed you."
He nodded, it felt like he already knew you were going to say that, despite his limp explanation.
You kept going, "I don't think you get to make these decisions for me, Eren."
"You're right, the decision is always yours," he mumbled quietly, turning to face the window and closing you off from him.
His words stung you, causing your words to leave your lips. You had nothing else to say as you dangled in the air in front of him. The rest of the ride was dead silent with only the faint sounds of the radio and the hum of your engine.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
It had only been a few hours after you arrived at home until you heard the doorbell chime. On the other side was a red-nosed blonde with apologetic blue eyes. His head was downturned, but his eyes looked up at you in a way that seemed like he really wanted to avoid your eye contact.
He watched you carefully, being mindful to allow you the space to let him in. Even though his car was parked on the side of the road, he was breathless like he ran to see you.
"Armin...what are you doing here?" you asked disappointedly. It was nearly two weeks since you last saw him and just the sight made your heart crumble at the already cracking sides. Seeing him made your blood boil to the point where you didn't even notice the cold air wrapping around you.
"It's cold out here, can we talk inside?" he asked, not moving from his spot.
You nodded wordlessly and turned on your heel, expecting him to follow you into the living room. You heard the sound of the door closing behind you and him sitting across from you on the couch. He didn't take his eyes off you as you stared at him, your brows furrowed and your lips pursed.
"I'm sorry," he said, his voice hoarse and tired. "I said a lot of stupid things the last time I saw you and I'm so sorry. I don't even know where to begin."
You just continued to wait. There was nothing you wanted to say to him at this moment, but you promised Eren that you would at least listen.
"I'm sorry kissed Annie," he started. The sound of her name nearly brought tears to your eyes, but you let out a loud sigh that you made sure he heard. "I can't make the excuse that she made the first move because I didn't say no."
"I wish that you had at least said that we were together," you finally said. Armin seemed almost relieved that you had finally spoken, but was still remorseful. "I understand that we never labelled each other, but I was ready to be yours."
"I'm sorry for lying to you about Eren," he continued. You could tell that he took your response seriously, and you were thankful that he wasn't already trying to make excuses to get out of being guilty. "I don't know if he told you about Annie but he wasn't going to come. So I wanted to protect him, but instead, I just lied."
"So to protect Eren, you lied to me and used his mom as an excuse."
"As soon as I said it, I regretted it." He didn't skimp on any eye contact and spoke with a truthful tone in his voice. "Eren asked me to not tell you, but it was a lie that was too far."
You couldn't help but soften at his expression. You felt sad. Armin's sweet face was tainted with the things he had done. There was something in the way he was presenting himself as low and submissive that compelled you to him. You wanted him to hold you, you wanted him to make you feel seen, you wanted to make sure he knew he was your choice.
You began to lean towards him, crawling your arms across the couch. He was leaning back and slumped over, but he watched your movements carefully. "You really gave me a lot of trouble," you muttered, grabbing onto the collar of his shirt. You were hovering above him and you could feel his shaky breath brush against his cheeks. "I really like you Armin, but you haven't proven to me that you feel the same," you hissed.
Armin watched your cold expression and your dead eyes bore down on him. His eyes were bright and clear, looking for your permission to move closer. When you didn't change, he stayed still.
"Prove it to me."
It was just your words alone that gave him the push to crash through the walls you put up. His body sprung off the backrest of the couch, pushing you onto your back to look up at him. He didn't hesitate for a moment to give you a slow, passionate kiss that was laced with regret and yearning. You were deprived of his touch for too many days and you reached up to run his hands through his silky blonde hair. Wanting to feel him closer, you wrapped your legs around his waist, pressing into him deeper.
Armin cupped your hot cheeks as he used his tongue to run against your bottom lip, asking for your permission to enter. You didn't deny the request and swirled your tongue with his, tasting every bit of breath you shared. Armin's hands felt warm as they travelled the peaks and valleys of your body, leaving you feeling breathless and wanting to feel his touch in places that had never been explored before.
You felt your mind going blank, only the physical touches claiming your thoughts. Armin's hands continued to brush the outsides of your chest and you could tell that he wanted to push farther. In the past, you would have felt flustered and pushed him away with a floundering blush. This time, you pushed him away to keep him at bay. Your hands pressed against his chest and he unhooked his lips from yours. You were panting and feeling swollen and Armin didn't hide his confusion.
"D-Did I do something wrong?" he asked between breaths.
You wiped your lips with the back of your hands and shook your head. "I want more, Armin, but let's stop here. I don't want what we are to be just physical." Armin nodded. His breath was slowing down but his cheeks were flushed red. "I want to feel needed by you and only you. I don't want to question what I am to you before I give myself to you."
Armin showed that he fully understood with a reassuring smile that you missed. "I'll make sure you never question our relationship. I'll never cause you trouble again." He reached out for your hands and held them like he was trying to keep you from running away. "Come with me to the New Year's Party at Jean's. Everyone will be there and I'll make sure no one will question our relationship again. Not even me, not even you."
"Not even Annie?"
He squeezed your hands and pulled you into a hug. "Not even Annie. Not even Eren."
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Author's Note:
FOLKS. I am so amped for this next phase of our story. I do have the whole story planned out but these next 10 chapters...things be happening. I'm finished student teaching TOMORROW so I am hoping to get lots of chapters out before the new year. Our journey has just begun!
If you want to be spoiled, you can check out my playlist that is linked in the beginning author's note. The order and songs are always changing but it gives you and idea of where we're going. The story is called Hot & Heavy and we have yet to get there!
Thank you again for checking out my story. I seriously can't comprehend the lizard brain oingo-boigo feeling I get when those little digital numbers get higher.
(Also, I want to get that AOT Bandcamp AU out LOL)