Why would he want me upstairs? He's always so open with me. Always including me in all of his discussions and Alpha duties. Why can't I be around when he talks to his mate? His mate. The words make my wolf growl angrily. She's fuming. Pacing in my head and I'm trying to control her but I'm freaking out too.
Why did she have to be so pretty? I can't help but wonder.
You're beautiful too Mia. My wolf whines, You're Gorgeous with a capital G. Don't forget that.
What's she doing here? Why did she come back? Hasn't it been so many years? I feel wired up. I feel too much. There are so many emotions running through me—I can't keep track. It's so difficult because I'm already questioning my own emotions, but I have to also decipher my wolf's.
Sage has her arm around me as we walk up the staircase. My body feeling absolutely dejected. I was so violent all of a sudden. I launched myself at Lila—my wolf clouding every sense of logic I have. I've never felt that angry before. Being called a pet – how demeaning. I want to burst into tears and punch a wall all at the same time. Matthew did kiss me...but I wish he would keep me around. Now I'm only wondering what he and Lila could possibly be talking about or what they're doing.
"Stop Mia," Sage turns me to face her. She's staring at me with concern. I can feel her own anger radiating off of her. I never realized how much she hated Lila until now. Sage's look softens, "I can feel your aura. You're anxious and stressed and falling apart but stop those thoughts about what they're doing. It's irrelevant."
"How do you know?" My voice so soft under my breath. I'm so scared. I can feel it in every bone in my body.
What if Matthew's feelings for Lila resurface? Everyone always says he nearly lost his head when she left. Was he madly in love with her? What if he doesn't love me as much as he loves her? She is his mate after all.
"Matthew loves you," Sage reassures me. But her words sound like they're underwater.
She leads me into Matthew and I's bedroom. His scent calming me down slightly. I focus on the Amberwood and coffee and books. It's like the feeling of holding a hot cup of coffee between my hands in the cold morning. Comforting but I have to focus on the warmth. Our mixed scents still lingering in the room, and I try to think of that. Of the love we shared last night.
"Goddess," Sage's nose scrunches and for a split second we forget about Lila. "You guys really went for it last night, didn't you?"
My bottom lip starts quivering and place my hand over my mouth to suppress a sob. The warm feeling, I was trying to hold onto evaporates and I'm left in the cold. I attacked Lila and now I feel like I'm in time-out. Why would she show up today? The day after my initiation? Did she know I was getting initiated? That I was going to become Luna?
Mia stop, my wolf starts whining. You're freaking out.
You're freaking out too, I tell her. These thoughts wouldn't be in my head if my wolf wasn't thinking them as well. She's packing back and forth whining.
What if it was to make her jealous? My breath hitches at the thought. Tears streaming down my face. My wolf stills.
Sage snaps me out of it, her hands on my shoulders and she shakes me carefully. "Hey!" She shouts slightly, her eyes finding mine. "Mia your aura is laced with panic and wretchedness. What are you thinking about?"
I can't even say it, it just makes me sick to think about. There's no way. There's absolutely no way that Matthew would do something like that. He loves me—he told me so plenty of times last night. I try to take my brain to a happier place. Thinking of him—his smile, his intense eyes, when he plays his guitar.
My wolf calms for a second. The sadness washing away but quickly being replaced with rage. Thinking of Matthew now just reminds me he's in the other room with her. My wolf is so pissed that Lila showed up today. Furious that our love with Matthew had to be plagued by her presence. I don't know how to control her—there's no way too. She's livid.
Sage's eyes widen slightly like she's confused why my emotions have suddenly changed. My aura must be giving her whiplash. I can't explain it. I feel like I've gone off the rails. I need to be with Matthew—I need his presence and his comfort. I need him to tell me that it's me and not her. Why am I being locked-up in here? Why can't I leave?
My fists clench to my sides and I can't help it, I turn towards the wall and punch it as hard as I can. Nothing happens—I don't even hurt myself in the process. "Jesus Christ, Mia." Sage jumps back in surprise.
"Why the fuck is she back, Sage?" I seethe angrily. My body starts trembling as my wolf emerges. I feel my canines start to poke out. "I'm the Luna of the Valley. Not her. I'm Matthew's mate."
Sage stares at me with wide eyes. She nods at my words, her head somehow submitting itself to me in a bow. Maybe it should have made me feel better, but it doesn't. What truly matters is whether Matthew wants me to be his Luna.
I start pacing back and forth. I push my wolf back, my canines returning to normal. My wolf is itching to get out. I can feel her surfacing. I try to mind link Matthew but there seems to be a block in his mind. I wonder if he's also upset. Or maybe he's happy and tuning me out purposefully.
No, I try to stop myself. Matthew loves me.
I shouldn't doubt him because he's never given me a reason to doubt him. I know he loves me. The way he showed me last night—at the initiation and at home. I'm only feeling like this because I'm angry. I'm so...so...angry.
When I've stopped pacing, Sage walks tentatively towards me. She grabs my hands, pulling me towards the sofa in the middle of the room. Sitting me down to try and get me to relax. "Mia you need to listen to me," She says gently. "Alpha loves you. I've never seen him this happy. You need to trust him."
My nostrils flare, "What about her?"
Even a small bit of Sage's expression turns to anger. Her voice sounding robotic, "What about her?"
"Do you trust her?"
Sage hesitates. She doesn't want to tell me about her true opinions on Lila, but they're so clearly plastered on her face. She hates Lila. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that Sage is trying to fight off her own wolf from killing Matthew's mate.
"No." Her voice is cold. My fists clench and my wolf starts pushing against my mind. She wants me to go barge in on them. She's begging me and growling at me to get out of this room and at least go eavesdrop on what's going on.
"But Alpha doesn't trust her either." Sage quickly tries to calm me.
"How do you know?" I snap, standing up and waving my hand out the door. "I can't get into his mind, Sage! Why won't he let me in?"
I try to mind link Matthew again and I might as well be trying to hit a wall. It's so frustrating, I feel like I've been put on hold over the phone and the stupid elevator music is playing.
"He's just trying to control himself, Mia. You need to as well. Or your wolf is going to come out." She stands up beside me. Takes a deep breath and sighs, "You need to calm yourself and I'm sure Alpha will be back shortly. Would you like me to get you a tea?"
Yeah because tea is going to fix this, my wolf snarls.
Sage is telling me to calm down and control myself. Although I agree with my wolf, I end up sighing, "Fine."
She grabs my hand, "Promise me you won't leave the room."
"I won't." I snap, plopping myself back on the sofa. I pull a blanket around me, it smells just like Matthew. So, I sit here and inhale his scent as I try what Sage is asking me. I just have to think clearly, and I can't until I've calmed down.
Sage heads out of the room. My anxiety spiking almost immediately. I'm just about to mind link that I need her to come back in the room, but I refrain myself. Taking deep breaths of Amberwood and coffee.
I feel myself physically calming. My shoulders relaxing and my wolf finally taking the time to stop. My judgement no longer feels as clouded. It's surreal how emotional my wolf has gotten. I didn't even realize I could be so easily consumed by this much rage and anguish.
Everything's fine, I tell her more gently.
Matthew loves us, she tries to reason with me. I nod in agreement.
We keep repeating this in our head. There's an explanation to the situation and he'll be back to tell me in short minute. He kissed me. He looked so sad to see me there, but he kissed me. In front of Lila and that has to mean something.
I start to realize that Sage is taking quite long for a tea. I promised her not to leave the room but decide to head down to the kitchen where she might be. As soon as I step out of the bedroom, the hair on my neck stands while my wolf growls. We can smell the vanilla jasmine that comes with Lila's scent.
I walk down the hallway and stop at the steps. If I keep walking down the hallway, I'll find Matthew's office. Maybe he's there. My wolf says I should seek him out. My rationale tells me to go straight downstairs and find Sage. My wolf growls in my head and I end up doing as she says—forgetting my better judgement.
There are too many auras coming from Matthew's office. Sage must have gone into the office too because I quickly pick up on her scent. I can sense his and Sage's and they're both so angry. Angry at what or at who? I'm just about to open the door and join them when I hear Lila's voice. It makes my blood curdle.
"Matty," She says slowly. Her little nickname for Matthew makes me want to murder her. I hate it. "That girl. Mia."
I freeze and my wolf starts banging in my head. "She's not your mate," Lila says. "I am. We're meant for each other. You need to give me a chance."
There's a moment of silence and I realize I'm not breathing. My voice chokes back and I want to desperately just run into the office but I'm shell-shocked.
I hear his voice, low and dense—strained. "I'll give you a chance, Lila."
My entire world comes crashing down so hard that it makes Bren's rejection feel like a splinter. I stop hearing everything around me—like I'm suddenly in some ringing bubble. I stumble back to Matthew's room—my wolf trying so hard to be let out. Maybe I should just let her out. At least I wouldn't have to think as hard.
What does he mean he'll give her a chance? I ask her.
She's howling. The pain she's feeling striking through me like ice. I start shaking and trembling, my knees giving out as I sit in the middle of the bedroom. Tears starting to fall down my face and onto the ground.
What does he mean he'll give her a chance?! I yell at her.
My wolf is pacing and howling and slamming herself against my mind so hard that it hurts. Why doesn't he want us?
I feel someone trying to get into my mind. The mind link itching but I push it away. I manage to stand up, stumbling to one of the many beautiful windows that Matthew has in his room. I can't calm myself. Not like before. Now I'm overwhelmed. His scent is everywhere and it makes me break down in tears.
I stare out towards the lake and the university. Autumn has ended and all the trees are losing their leaves. It's gray and desolate and the mountain looks bare now with branches. And yet it's still beautiful in its own way.
"I love it here." I tell my wolf with choked back words. The feeling in the back of my throat closing and making it hard to breathe softly.
My wolf whines. She tries to comfort me but there's no comfort. Why'd I have to be a werewolf? Why couldn't I just be a human who doesn't have these intense feelings? It would have made my life so much easier. She growls at my thoughts, but I don't care.
Mia I don't want to be here, my wolf cries. Not without Matthew.
I nod knowing perfectly well what she means. I can't bare the idea of watching and hearing Matthew reject me. It would destroy me. If this is an ounce of how Matthew felt when Lila left, then I don't blame him for losing control. I can't imagine what it was like to try and control his wolf feeling like this. I just want to run.
I stare out towards the Valley. The place I've called home these last few months. Could I really leave here? Where would I go? I have nowhere else anymore. No one. Even Clara is going to have to stay here. As soon as I hear the bedroom door open, I can smell its Sage.
"Get out." I tell her instantly. My back has straightened and I feel a new surge of despondency.
"Alpha will be back soon." She says then pauses, "What's wrong?"
As if on cue, I see Matthew's car drive off. For a split second I catch sight of the windshield. His face and then her face. Lila sitting in the passenger seat. It's only for a moment. My breath hitches as they drive away. Goddess knows where.
"I said get out!" I turn to Sage, my eyes darkening. My emotions getting the better of me. I've never felt like this. I've never lost control like this. It's like when Lila called me a pet. My wolf has scratched her way to the surface.
"I just want to be left alone, can't you understand that, Sage!" I don't recognize myself in this anger. This is so unlike me, yet I let my wolf through. I let her control my emotions now because I can't take it anymore. She keeps banging in my head and it hurts. I keep trying to push down her emotions and it's painful. It's an uphill battle against her and I've lost.
There's something behind my voice that makes Sage cringe back. She looks so concerned—so afraid even. I know she wants to comfort me and to talk to me. But my order was so evidently clear. She bows her head reluctantly, "Yes Luna."
As soon as she leaves, I let my breath go. I start pacing around the room. I don't know what to do with myself anymore, but my wolf does. She's guiding me. I'm not longer in control. My body just does what she says—unquestioningly. I grab some clothes from the closet and stuff it into my trusty tote bag. I can't be here anymore. Not if Matthew doesn't want me. My legs take me to the staircase, and I quietly go downstairs.
"Is she okay?" I hear Tyler's voice come from the kitchen. "Maybe I should go talk to her."
"Give her a minute." Sage sighs, "She's extremely emotional right now."
"I can't believe Lila did that." Tyler's voice turning cold. "The whole pack is freaking out."
"Let me call Clara," Sage sighs. "I think she'll be able to comfort Mia more than we can."
I duck down the hallway. My heart clenching at their voices but my wolf taking me outside through one of the side doors. As I walk outside, a wave of sadness pierces my heart—the thought of leaving my home. No...Matthew's home. I'm just a placeholder.
Let me out Mia, My wolf growls. We need to get out of here.
I tear up—the Valley is my comfort. It's the only place I've ever been accepted for who I am. I've been loved and made friends. And I wish that was enough to keep me here but it's not. No matter how many friends I have or how at home I might feel, if Matthew doesn't want me then there's no place for me here.
I shift—letting my wolf truly take over. Now it's her turn to lead. I take a step back and dive deep into my mind to cry. She's too busy running into the forest. Her own emotions laced with so much sadness I can feel our heart breaking into two. And the further we run, the more I feel ourselves hollow out.
***
A/N: I'm really milking this drama lol. Sorry guys but I have my reasoning.
Please don't forget to vote on the story ^-^ and comment!! Can't believe so many of you are reading my book. Also, I forgot to ask, how did you like Matthew's POV?! Next chapter will be in his POV hope you guys enjoyed it last time!!!