Featured Lyrics:
(Yet another song that you simply have to fully listen to)
Oh, I'm headed to the mountains, I'll be back in a week or two
Don't you try to reach me, 'cause I won't pick up for you
I've got some things I need to do
Oh, I'm headed to the mountains, where the air is sweet and new
Don't you try to reach me, 'cause I don't want to talk to you
I've got some thinking to do
I'm trying to let go, I think it could help being alone
And I'm trying not to let you make me cry
I spilled too many tears and I think I deserve
To be alone
And don't you try to reach me, while I pick myself up and go
I've gotta do this on my own, I need to build myself a home
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
It was the beginning of the first week of winter break. It felt like it was only a few hours of you laying in bed, covers over your head and windows pulled all the way closed. The reality was that it had been a few days. Every once in a while, your mom would knock softly and ask you something along the lines of "Are you okay?" or "Have you eaten?" or "Do you want to talk?". You were thankful for her concern but you weren't even sure how you would answer. The worst of her questions had to be, "Armin's on the phone, want to answer?" or even worse, "Eren's at the door, want to see him?" You knew for sure the answer to both of those, it was no.
This particular morning, your mother knocked but didn't stop at the door like she usually would. This time, she walked in and sat at the foot of your bed. "Honey, you should get away for the holiday break. Maybe take a trip to the mountains in Dauper. I got a bonus from work so I can help you book the campsite. Just please get up."
You couldn't help but perk up at her suggestion. Dauper was a small town that resided in the valleys of a mountain range. It was where Sasha was born and you two had bonded over the shared love for the town. The idea of getting lost in nature to clear your thoughts was more than appealing. Your family had always loved taking road trips and camping. Once you were comfortable enough to drive on your own, it became a frequent stop for you.
Your throat felt dry when you finally sat up and muttered the first words you had said out loud in what felt like forever. "Alright, I'll go to the mountains."
It was only a few hours later with a campsite booked and a clear winter sky lining your path away. It had been a few days since the large blizzard and the roads were cleared of piles of snow. You loaded your backpack of warm clothes into the back of your car along with a small but sturdy tent, multiple sleeping bags for layering, and a tote full of camping gear. Camping in the winter wasn't as luxurious as camping in the summer so it was a solo activity that you did often. Even Eren hated the idea.
Your mom watched you from the door with a frown on her face. "Sweetie, will you be okay?"
You had to smile for her. She was always worried and the cloud that hung around her head didn't give her much comfort. Maybe you got your overthinking from her. "Don't worry mom, I just have to clear my head." You walked back to the front and gave her a long hug. To be hugged was a sensation you missed and feeling the familial support touched you deeper than Armin or Eren ever could. "Thank you again, I'll try to contact you somehow once I get to the town. And please don't tell anyone else where I am."
She nodded and waved you off as she watched you back out of the driveway.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Five days ago, Friday afternoon.
"What exactly are you asking me, Armin..." Eren muttered, slamming the door to his locker shut. Standing before him was his persistent yet mildly irritating friend.
Armin was shuffling in his shoes, stringing together an endless amount of roundabout sentences. "I'm asking you if I should take things further with Y/N or not." Armin shuffled in his feet, trying to whisper for fear that you might appear at any moment. "Things have been getting pretty serious between us these past few days. We've gotten pretty close to-"
"Yeah, you don't need to say any more," Eren said curtly, holding a palm up to stop Armin. Eren rubbed the back of his neck feeling conflicted with what to answer. His answer could affect everything about his relationship with you. The night he kissed you was at the forefront of his mind, the fireworks of feeling his lips touch your skin still electrified his heart. Just a taste wasn't enough. He pushed those feelings away after seeing his two friends falling for each other. After all, he was the one who pushed you and Armin off the ledge towards each other.
Armin blushed and looked down with a smile on his face. Eren wished he could read his mind. You had always kept your distance from Eren's relationships, it was only right that he'd return the favour.
In Eren's eyes, he stretched out a net and lowered a rope for you to come back to him. All it was going to take was for you to reach out and grab him. Unfortunately, you continued to fall and Eren ran out of rope. "If Y/N wants to, then there's nothing I can do to stop that," he finally replied.
"I agree, I just wanted to make sure it was cool with you before I did anything," Armin said, not hiding his glee. "I know you two are best friends." Armin smiled awkwardly and was embarrassed to say, "If I were being honest, I think she would leave me for you if she wanted to..."
"Just because we're best friends doesn't mean she doesn't have her own freedom to decide what she wants. Like I said, if it's her choice," Eren scoffed. "Besides, you can't let her go that easily. She'll slip through your fingers if you're not careful enough."
Eren watched as Armin absorbed his words silently. There was a part of him that wanted to believe what Armin said was true. Maybe you would run back to him. The choice was in your hands. The blonde nodded slowly, and Eren wondered what kind of pieces his friend was placing together.
"I appreciate your advice. I really like Y/N a lot. Hopefully, she feels the same way," Armin chuckled. "By the way, Annie's moving back to town so I was thinking of throwing a little party to welcome her back."
Eren's mind popped to the one specific summer when he met Annie at summer camp. The name alone brought back memories that were anything but pleasant. He remembered the way she would reduce him into submission, teasing him for being weak. Maybe it worked on him to some degree because he wanted to avoid feeling that way for as long as possible. Eren had no idea how Armin could tolerate her; maybe he was too easily persuaded and saw too much good in people. "Yeah, no I'm not coming to that," Eren said plainly, beginning his walk to class.
Armin frowned and scurried along behind him. "Why not? Y/N's gonna be there, she's gonna wonder where you are."
"Just tell her I'm busy with my mom or something," Eren was sulking now, feeling his presence shrinking. "I wouldn't want to ruin your moment with her anyways. Besides, I gotta start keeping my distance from her eventually or else summer after graduation will be even shittier than summer camp."
Armin sighed, looking down at his feet as they walked the hallways. "Alright, well don't be by yourself on the first night of winter break. I would hate to find you drunk and alone again."
Eren gave his good friend a smile as he lightly punched him in the arm. As they entered the classroom, he looked across the class and saw Hitch sitting alone. He hadn't spoken to her much since the Winter Ball, but every once in a while she would glance his way. Eren gulped and sauntered over to her, replacing his sullen face with one of familiar confidence. Although he felt numb in the pit of his stomach and his thoughts were racing. 'If Y/N's moved on, I better not fall behind.'
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Eight days later, Saturday afternoon.
"Yes, I'm being safe, Mom," you said into the receiver of the payphone. You buried your face deeper into your scarf, trying to preserve some amount of heat. You stood in the foyer of Dauper's town hall amongst other tourists and travellers. "Of course, I'm just hiking on the trails we usually go on." Although you had intended to spend most of your time in the mountains alone in meditation, you had to promise your mom you'd check in. It was the least you could do after she helped you get away.
"Okay, thanks for the call, sweetie. It really sounds like you're doing much better," you mom said, she could pick up the tones in your voice easily.
You couldn't help but smile at her comment. You spent the past few days hiking and taking pictures of your scenery. The weather had been kind to you although the mountain range was covered in a thick layer of snow. Most days were at least sunny with little snowfall. You spent time journaling and resting in your thoughts. The only time you had spoken out loud was on the phone with your mom. It was nice to give yourself the time to rest.
"Thanks, Mom, I really am."
"You know, Carla misses you too."
You let out a sigh with a sad smile. "Please don't say you told her where I am," you begged.
Your mom was silent for just a beat and that's all you needed to clarify exactly what you had predicted. "I'm sorry! She was asking all about you at yesterday's book club. The last time you saw her, you hiked through a blizzard to 'get some Tupperware' and ran away with tears in your eyes. And of course, I'm going to tell her all about you."
You slammed a palm to your forehead, feeling helpless over the phone. "Mom, if you tell Carla where I am she is going to tell Eren where I am."
"Now, is that so bad?"
"I left to be away from Eren." You felt like you had to spell out just exactly what the issue was to your mom. "I hope he isn't so stupid that he would try to find me here."
Your mom let out an awkward laugh. "Heh! Well anyways, sweetie, be safe! I saw on the news that there was going to be another bunch of snowfall coming your way, your tent is all secured and whatnot?" You could tell that she was hastily trying to change the conversation.
You yourself didn't want to think about it any further. "Yes, of course, mom. And I've got tons of layers. Well, my time is going to run out on the payphone so I better go."
"Alright, love you, Y/N! Come back soon!"
"Love you, mom."
The cabled phone let out a ding as you hung it back up. Your mom's last request stuck with you just a little longer. If it had been a few days ago, the idea of coming home was inconceivable. While on a hike, an intrusive thought would float its way into your mind. Every time one would pop up, you felt the physical heartache. You would wince and tears would trickle their way out. You were thankful that every day was a little easier as you distracted yourself in the sights. Maybe you were now at a point where you could come home. You didn't realize that tomorrow was Christmas Day. You could romanticize the idea of spending the holiday alone with nature easily. However, the thought of it made you sad.
You left the town hall and stepped out into the main strip. There were families and couples roaming the town. Along the streets were iron street lamps, local shops lined the sidewalks, and every building was reinforced with wooden beams on their stone walls. There were a few snowflakes falling already and even though it was the afternoon, the sun was beginning to set. You worried about making it back to your campsite before it got too heavy so found your car that was parked on the street.
As you drove back, you thought of everything you had sorted out.
You thought of Armin. You liked him, that much was still true. You were in a place where you could possibly talk to him again. Maybe give him a chance to explain himself. All the unknowns were too much for your heart. Although, the nearly two weeks of radio silence from you didn't bode well in your favour. He could have easily moved on at this point. What worried you the most wasn't his reaction, but what was going to be yours if he told you the truth?
You thought of Eren. You still loved him in the way he would always know. There was no deeper meaning behind it. Although it hurt to feel left behind by him, he had the right to move forward. If anything, you left the opening wide open.
Your campsite was higher in elevation than the town centre so your car rolled up the small paved road. Thankfully your car was fairly reliable in the snow and was able to make up easily. The sun had quickly set so you took your time to drive as carefully as possible. As you came around the last bend, you noticed lines of tire tracks swerving and leading into the ditch, thankfully not off a cliff. Your eyes followed the skid lines to the rusty tailgate of a shitty, yet familiar, pickup truck.
You felt as if your heart had dropped straight onto the seat below you. Carefully parking your car on the side of the road, you got out and trudged through the ditch and the knee-high snow. You felt like your body was moving faster than your mind as you wordlessly slammed on the truck window, scaring the person inside.
"HOLY SHIT!"
You felt a mix of fear, annoyance, and relief as you made eye contact with Eren on the other side of the glass.
"What the hell are you doing here, Eren?!" you screamed at him. Even the tone of your voice was confused about how to feel.
His voice was muffled since he didn't open the window, almost as if he was protecting himself. "Why do you always choose the shittiest locations to camp? This is why I never went with you."
"This should have been another one of those times!" You kept your voice up and grabbed at his door handle. "Get the fuck out here, Eren! You could have died! I'm gonna fucking kill you!"
"Ok, ok, I'll come out, but don't kill me," he said, pushing the lock inside down so you couldn't pry him out yourself.
You let out a shaky breath, the condensation billowed so much you could barely see him. You stepped back and put your hands up.
Eren finally slipped out the passenger side and looked at his truck. The front was completely smashed in on the railing and the tires were buried in snow. He turned to you with a sheepish smile, but you didn't allow him to show it to you as you wrung your hands around his neck, tracking him into the snow.
"Eren, you idiot why are you here?!"
He couldn't answer you as the wind was knocked out of him. Through choked words, he said, "Your mom-gah-told me-guh-and I-gek-"'
You suddenly felt tired, the adrenaline of finding your best friend in a near-death experience felt too much. You let go of him, realizing that he wasn't even wearing proper winter attire. Your questions would have to wait until you got him warmed up.
"Get up, you're going to get sick." You stood and walked to your car first. You blasted the heat, pointed all vents towards him, and pulled a blanket from your back seat. It didn't take long for Eren to follow you and slip into your passenger seat. As soon as he sat down, you threw the blanket into his face. Neither of you said a single word as you drove into the campsite.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Author's Note:
Happy 500 views!
This is one of the many Lizzy McAlpine songs on this story's playlist. If you want to feel heartache in a lyrical form, check out her music :D
I hope you enjoyed the little POV switch there. I don't usually enjoy POV switches or flashbacks. I figured that this would be a special case and decided to do both LOL. Where I live, the mountains are just a few hours drive away and it seriously is one of the best places to be. I'm curious if you have a place that you can kinda get away to. My favourite thing is looking at the demographics map for my story and seeing some of the places you're reading from!
I can't believe we are at Chapter 10 next. I can't wait, she's a good one ;)
-zel