Featured Lyrics:
I feel soft around you, I feel soft around you
Comfortable and warm, and far from any harm
Oh, you would swear I lost my mind, the things I do
I know I'm hard to love sometimes, but I'm soft around you
But there's something soft about you
Makes me feel soft around you
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
You woke up the next morning to the bright sun trickling through the window, shining on your face. You were still in your dress, makeup smudged, and hair tangled. You didn't fully open your eyes when you reached over, expecting to feel the lump of a man next to you. Instead, you found an empty space and cold sheets. You felt your head pounding, almost as if you were recovering from a hangover.
'What happened last night...' you thought to yourself, pressing a palm to your temple. Your mind flashed back to seeing Eren crumbling below you, giving you a teary confession. He told you he loved you, but it was different than what you were used to. You pressed your fingers to your lips, still feeling the sensation of Eren's kisses. There were a few ways you thought your first kiss would go. Bawling your eyes out in the bed of your childhood best friend wasn't one of them.
Your heart continued to ache and you wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to feel some comfort. 'It's going to be so awkward now...'
You glanced at the clock that read 7:54 AM. It was early for the weekend but feeling the residue from last night's events on your skin made you desperate to get home and in the shower. You got up and rummaged around for some spare clothes in Eren's closet so that you didn't have to walk home through the snow in your dress.
'Maybe Armin can pick me up, I need to apologize for leaving him last night.' You smiled at the thought of him, hoping that he wouldn't be too upset with you. 'And maybe apologize for kissing Eren.' Although you and Armin weren't officially together, you still felt guilty. You recall the look on his face as he left. It was almost as if he was digging his own grave and he knew it. Armin had been nothing but kind while Eren had been nothing but confusing.
As you changed, you still heard Eren's voice resonating in your ear, "I'm sorry...I love you too much...Can I kiss you?" It left you wondering just what Eren was expecting you to do with his confession. Did he think that you would drop everything for him? A part of you knew that if you weren't careful, that's just what you might've done.
Although your memories of him sent shivers down your spine, you shook the thoughts away and did your best to sneak out of the room. When you opened the door your eyes made purchase on the slumped body that was crumpled on the couch. You had no idea when Eren slipped out, but you still appreciated that he left you the room to yourself.
Despite your efforts to not wake him up, you heard ruffling behind you. "Y/N?"
Frozen in your tracks, you didn't want to turn around and face him. You couldn't get the image of him above you out of your head. Or the image of him moving closer with his eyes closed. Or the image of his lips travelling down your neck. "Oh, uhh...good morning, Eren!" you said quickly, feeling your cheeks heat up from the thoughts that swirled in your mind. "I'm just going to use the phone upstairs to call Armin to pick me up."
He didn't give you an immediate verbal response, but you could hear him getting up off the couch. "I can just drive you-"
"No!" you interrupted. The morning air felt unbelievably thick and awkward. You were shocked by your hasty response. Already halfway up the stairs, you continued, your voice calmer. "No...sorry. Um, it's okay, you need the rest anyway. You're probably still drunk."
You were surprised that Eren didn't pursue further after you, but he did croak out a quiet response. "Are you okay? I-I didn't do anything stupid last night, right? I nearly blacked out by the time I got to the dance."
You felt flabbergasted at his ignorance. Sure, he was plastered and made hasty decisions last night but the way he spoke to you and looked at you didn't feel like drunken mistakes to be forgotten. You felt your lips trembling where he took your first kiss.
Maybe to him, it was just another way to reach satisfaction. To you, it was supposed to be special and something that you, unfortunately, placed a lot of pressure on. Did he remember what you had confessed to each other? Did he remember the endless kisses he sprinkled around your body? Did he remember saying that he loved you?
Your heart was breaking all over again. Although Eren was quick to piece it back together for you, he was just as quick to shatter it. You knew that he had a way with his words and you felt as if you were played just like everybody else.
You still didn't look at him as you reached the top of the stairs. If he had seen your eyes, he would've known that you were lying through your teeth. "No, we're all good. Just go sleep in your own bed."
You quietly snuck into the kitchen to grab the home phone off the wall. Thankfully at this point, you had memorized Armin's number and had no trouble getting through to his line.
"Good morning," an older voice greeted. "Arlert residence."
You recognized the voice as Armin's grandfather who you knew he lived with. It was quite common to hear him first. It was so calming and comforting to hear, any anxiety that bubbled up from Eren washed away. "Good morning! It's Y/N calling. I'm just wondering if I could speak to Armin?."
"Lucky girl," he chuckled. "He's standing right next to me." You heard him pass the phone.
"Good morning, Y/N!" Armin's sweet voice came clearly through the receiver and you smiled at his comforting presence, even over the phone. "I'm glad to hear from you. Is there anything you need?"
"I'm glad to hear your voice too." You felt your stomach rumbling suddenly and the idea of having a relaxing morning by Armin's side made you excited. He was always coming to you first and asking you out. Although it seemed like Eren didn't recall anything he said to you, his words impacted you deeply. You never took control of the things you wanted which caused this whole mess of miscommunication in the first place. "I'm wondering if you could pick me up from Eren's and if you'd like to have breakfast with me this morning."
Armin didn't waste a single second. "I'll be there right away."
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
You stood in the shower, letting the hot water wash away any of your regrets. You felt mentally and physically tired as the rushing sound drowned out any thoughts that were plaguing your mind. When you stepped out of the bath you wiped away the fog on the mirror to make sure you washed off every bit of last night's makeup.
It was nearly instantaneous for you to see the deep red mark that was left at the base of your neck, right above your collarbone. Eren had left his mark on you and it stung as you ran your fingers over it. You looked over at the clothes you had chosen for the day. You wanted to look pretty for Armin whilst on your breakfast date. You had to make the quick decision to change your off-shoulder blouse into a turtleneck sweater.
You couldn't help but roll your eyes at the sight. Of course, he was allowed to forget whilst you had to carry a symbol of his actions around with you. Biting your lip in frustration, you wrapped the towel around your torso, shivering as the cold air rushed into the steamy bathroom. Without much thought, you stepped into your room.
"Oh-oh my god! Y/N! I'm so sorry!" a voice suddenly gasped.
Your eyes widened and you saw Armin stand up from your bed, covering his eyes, and running out the door into the hallway. You had forgotten that you invited him in and told him to wait in your room. Feeling mortified, you quickly put your outfit on, feeling bad for nearly flashing the blonde boy. You worried that he may have seen the hickey on your neck.
As you stepped out of your room, you rubbed the back of your neck. Armin was sitting on the floor outside your room. You noticed his ears were red as he avoided eye contact with you.
"I swear I didn't see anything," he blurted, standing up. You could tell that he had to muster up the courage to look back at you. Maybe he was picturing something in that deceptively innocent mind.
You felt a wash of relief. Of course, there would be no way for Armin to see the spot on your neck in just a flash. You took his hand and tried to calm your nerves down. "It's alright, Armin. It was my mistake, I've just been in my head this morning and completely forgot you were in there."
Armin smiled at you and nodded in a way you couldn't read. Instead of pursuing further, he pulled your hand close and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek. "I like your turtleneck," he complimented. "You look so soft, I just want to hug you."
You were shocked at Armin's forwardness and it made you want to try it out yourself. Every time he spoke, you felt giddy. Your toes would curl and your stomach would flip just at how he spoke to you. Without saying anything else, you reached out and wrapped your arms around his torso, laying your head on his chest. You could feel his body was tense at first by your sudden movements, but it wasn't long before he relaxed and wrapped his arms around you.
It was just a quiet moment. You didn't want to leave the small bubble you had just created with him but the sound of your stomach grumbling had other plans. Armin pulled back and laughed, "Well I guess we better get that breakfast." You didn't feel embarrassed or nervous, even when it came to these kinds of moments. It was like Armin was a soft sponge that absorbed everything with a smile. If it had been Eren, you knew that he would never let you forget it. He still teased you about accidentally burping in the middle of an exam in junior high.
You had floated the idea of going to a small cafe that was nearby. Armin drove you carefully through the icy roads, never once taking his eyes away from the front. Instead, he had your hand resting in his palm with your fingers laced together.
When you arrived at the cafe, Armin was quick to attach his order to yours so that he could pay. "You don't have to do that," you interjected, sheepishly.
Armin picked up the tray that held your drinks and food, leading you to a booth in the corner. "I want to. Plus, you can owe me for the next date."
This wasn't the first date you had been with Armin and you could tell there was something different in the way he carried himself. It made you swoon, watching him place the items on the table. There was something so simple and relaxing about your time with him. You could see yourself being like this with him every day.
You spent most of your time recounting the events of the dance yesterday and you were sure to be extra careful to not mention Eren.
"I think my favourite song we danced to was Dancing Queen, it's a classic!" you declared, thinking of the way he spun you around like a piece of thread.
This sparked a memory in Armin, who said, "I think you could've won the Winter Ball Queen title, for sure."
Without thinking, you replied, "I'm glad we left before we had to see any more of that, blegh." You watched as Armin stared down at his mug of coffee, swirling the spoon around and clicking it against the porcelain.
"I kinda wish we could've spent the rest of it together," he admitted.
You couldn't help but frown, suddenly feeling guilty. What kind of person dances with someone the whole night, but ends it in the arms of another?
"Armin, I wanted to apologize for not going with you last night. But Eren needed-"
"-Needed you," he said at the same time. "I understand, Y/N. You two are best friends. Eren is my friend too and I know how greedy he can be." Armin placed his elbow on the table and rested the side of his head in his palm. He looked at you directly, speaking his words clearly. "I don't know what happened between the two of you last night, and I don't really care. All I know is you reached out and needed me today, not him."
Your instinct drove you to take his free hand in yours, lacing your fingers between each other. His hands were soft and uncalloused. You traced his fingers with yours as every nerve ending danced in your palm. You could see that they were just as red as his ears. Even though Armin spoke with much confidence on his face, he couldn't hide other signals around his body that showed he was nervous. You felt the pieces of your heart that Eren had shattered filling in with something light and warm.
Armin proved that he could be with you, even if you were proving yourself to be hard to love.
You were beginning to think it was a bad idea to indulge in the delusions Eren fed you. It was almost as if he knew you too well. You deduced that the words he chose were calculated and precise so that you would succumb to him. With Armin, you didn't get that sense at all. Everything felt natural and organic. Everything was new.
You figured out that Eren had taken your first kiss after he told you to stay. Maybe it was time to take matters into your hands and make the decisions for yourself. You stood and walked around the tabletop to hover over Armin in his seat. He stared up at you as you drowned in his ocean-blue eyes. Placing a hand on his shoulder, you leaned in to give the first kiss that you took initiative in to the man that you chose to be with at this moment.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
The following week at school, you did your best to keep things as normal as possible. Morning classes with Sascha, lunchtime with Mikasa and afternoons studying with Armin. It was a good routine that felt consistent. Four days of the same routine. Eren continued to hover around, but you couldn't bear to look at him, usually leaving him in a hasty scramble. Although you felt a little bad avoiding him, you figured that it would be easier to talk to him once you sorted out your mind.
When Thursday after school rolled around, you stood at the library doorway with Armin who was just about to start his shift for tutoring.
"Call me when you get home?" you asked with a glint in your eyes.
"Of course," Armin promised, as he smiled into a quick kiss.
You exited the school building, breathing in the icy air. It was late December now, and the streets twinkled with bright holiday lights, guiding your pathway home.
The sound of a rumbling engine snuck up behind you and you knew that it couldn't be anyone else. "Y/N!" Eren called out. The smell of gasoline took over your senses as you stopped to stare at him. "I waited for you in the parking lot but you weren't there. Do you want a ride?"
You rolled your eyes, still feeling vulnerable and fragile in front of him. Turning to face forward, you continued walking but Eren kept on you by slowly rolling his truck. "It's fine"
"Y/N, please. I need to talk to you," he continued to call out. "I feel like you've been avoiding me."
You didn't stop for him, pushing forward.
"If I did something stupid, you need to tell me." You hear the sound of him parking his truck on the side of the road, getting out, and a hard slam to close the door. The crunch of the snow as he ran up made you feel nervous like someone was going to attack you from behind. "Just because you're dating Armin now doesn't mean you have to leave me. Is that it? Now that you're with someone, do you think you can just forget about me?"
His words stopped you in your tracks and you felt your stomach churning, ripping apart from the inside. Why was it always so painful when you were around him?
"You need to shut up," you grumbled, tuning to him but still staring at the ground. "We're not dating, not officially at least. You don't know anything."
Eren's arms slumped on the sides of his body, almost in defeat. "That's why I want to talk to you. I don't know anything because you haven't told me anything!" His voice was getting louder, but you could hear the desperation in his voice. "I feel like I fucked something up but no one is telling me how to fix it."
You finally raise your eyes to meet Eren's and you could see the shocked expression on his face upon seeing how upset you were. "Do you remember anything from the night of the dance?" you asked plainly.
You could see the gears turning in Eren's mind as he tried to recall. His lack of response didn't surprise you.
"If you don't, I'll gladly recount the night's lovely events," the sting of sarcasm escaped your lips, and the hurt that you had pent up was bubbling. "You got too drunk, insulted me in front of Armin, begged us to drive you home, made me stay behind with you to leave my date, and then..." As you listed Eren's grievances, you felt stuck at the end of your sentence.
Eren waited for you to collect your thoughts. He stood there, accepting every ounce of blame you placed upon him.
It took you a while to calm your breathing. Saying the next part out loud scared you because you didn't want it to be real. You didn't want the butterflies that he made you feel or the tender kisses left behind or his teary confession to be real. If those were real then that meant the longing and heartache you felt for him was also just as real.
"You told me you loved me," your voice was much quieter. "You told me that you wanted to be with me." Eren had his head tilting down, but he looked up with big watery eyes. You had no idea what was going through his mind or if anything you were saying was coming back to memory. "You took my first kiss. And you did it over and over."
Eren paused, nodding his head and you wondered if he could see the memories just as clearly as you did. "I asked if I did anything stupid last night," he finally said after what felt like an eternity. You were confused by his words. "I remember kissing you, over and over. There was nothing stupid about that."
Your breath was unsteady as he took slow steps toward you. He moved carefully as if you were prey that could run away at any second.
"When I heard you calling Armin the next morning, I thought that you had forgotten. That you forgot what I said. It felt like my confession meant nothing." Eren was now close enough to be able to reach for your hand. It felt heavy, but Eren lifted it to kiss it lightly. "I know I'm impulsive, but this was something that I wanted to tell you for weeks, even if I didn't realize it myself."
The longer you stared at him, the bigger the swelling in your chest grew. Although you knew Eren your whole life, being with Eren felt like sprinting to the edge of the world. Moments with him were fast and impactful. When you were Armin, someone you were only just getting to know, things felt like a marathon. Things were steady and continuous.
"I really do love you, Y/N," Eren continued. Although he said it often, his words this time had a heavy weight to them. "You're so important in my life and I'm so sorry that I made it hard for you. But I find that when I'm with you, I feel so soft and safe I can't help but make impulsive decisions."
Eren lowered his head to lay his forehead on your shoulder. You reached your arms around his back and gave him a comforting hug. He was such a baby around you, it reminded you of when you were kids.
You found yourself laughing when Eren rested his whole weight on you. It was like he forgot how much he had grown. "Why can't we have normal conversations," you wondered out loud. "Like 'How's your day?' or 'What's your favourite colour?' or 'When are you free next?'"
Eren didn't get up so his words were muffled in your coat. "It's because we know each other too well. It's too late for all that introductory shit. I can practically read your mind."
"No, you can't. You didn't know that you hurt me."
"I'm sorry I hurt you," was the last thing he said before giving you one last bear hug. "But you need to tell me these things when they happen, idiot." Eren let you go and he started walking towards his truck. You didn't even have to ask for a ride home.
Author's Note:
Thank you for reading chapter 7! And happy 20k words! I can't believe we've made it this far already and the journey has just begun. Thank you for all the votes, it really makes me smile when I see them. Let me know if you have a favourite chapter so far!
Do you like the new banner? I love teen Eren's expression 😆 It's exactly how I imagine him in this story <3
-zel