friday
knights
16
☊ | track twelve—this feeling
"DEANS IS HEADED FOR it and oh! He passes it to Knight as he dodges a Maverick and heads straight for the end zone! He has had his head in the game lately after bumping heads all game and we love to see it ladies and gentlemen!" Amira cringed at the announcer, always finding them profoundly over dramatic and extra. Granted, that was their job but she was petty and her thoughts and opinions were hers only. Everyone stood up anticipating revel as Carter ran to the opposite end zone, the other team hot on his tail. Soon, she joined the rest of the crowd and stood.
She clutched her hands together in a folding manner, her lips hiding behind them as she watched Carter speed to the end of the field. Eight seconds on the clock, she feared he wasn't going to make it—for some reason despite not ever caring for the sport, until now.
Her lips moved moderately behind her folded hands as she sent a silent prayer above that he would make it in time. What for? There was nothing wrong with showing support, but up until now, she suddenly felt the need to care and it felt natural more than it surprised her.
Like she should be doing this. And it felt nice. Intense, but weirdly nice, and oh how she wanted to turn back time and erase that heated moment between them.
A Maverick was right on his tail, bigger and damn near faster than Carter. Victoria, Amira, and Caro looked at each other sharing the same expressive concern.
Amira glanced at the clock then back at Carter as he was merely there, the player insanely hot on his trail. Just as the countdown hit two seconds, he made it to the end zone, but, was tackled in the process. She swore she could hear the thud of the harsh tackle where she stood, wincing at the sight. As if everyone could feel his pain, overlapping wincing and murmuring followed suit.
"Mommy!" Lola gasped, tapping her mom's leg repeatedly before she hid her face in her lap.
Victoria rubbed her back, "He'll be okay, Bambino." She assured her daughter, though she prayed she was right. Amira clenched Cato's arm, not realizing how focused, concerned, and scared she looked for him.
But Cato noticed as he looked at her fingernails dig red marks on his skin. Sighing in what he felt was defeat, he grabbed her hand for comfort as her eyes stayed on Carter still hunched over on the ground. Soon, but not soon enough, two referees and aids jogged toward the scene and dropped down to check on him.
His hands gripped the fake grass, facing away from the crowd, the ball barely visible. Shaking his head, he waved off the aids and then lifted a hand that gripped the awaiting ball in the air. That's when Spring field, home of the Panthers roared in cluttered ear-piercing cheers. Amira and Victoria let out a sigh of relief at the same time and she leaned against Cato's shoulder, letting out a shaky breath, watching everyone run from the bleachers and onto the field. Even with so much chaos going on around her, her gaze stayed solely on Carter as he celebrated with his team and fans surrounding him.
It didn't go unnoticed how he clenched his side but held a proud smile nonetheless, sharing the same energetic excitement as his teammates. And without realizing it, she smiled softly yet still clung to Cato for dear life.
"He's fine, Caro," Cato said against her ear which brought her out of her daze. She cleared her throat and jolted off of him. "Oh, yeah I know. I was just..."
She paused, not knowing what to say.
"It was intense," She decided on a short-lived answer.
Cato smacked his lips together and looked away.
"Yeah."
Turning back to the crowded field, she caught sight of the other team across from them—the losing team. Kaz's team. On the other side of the field, red, brown, and black sulked in defeat. It didn't take long to search for Kaz, seeing him sitting on a clear spot on the field at the end zone with his head down.
She felt sympathy for him but was otherwise proud of her team. She didn't care much for sports but being here, she was a part of a team and had no problem showing her love and support. Meanwhile on the field, as he celebrated victory, Carter solely thought of Amira.
Despite winning and getting closer to the playoffs, which he was over the moon about. He could barely celebrate over the pain in his left side feeling it throb painfully.
But what he did do was think about shoving past everyone that didn't really matter, only focused on Amira as he'd march confidently and grab her by the waist. He thought about pulling her close to the point where she melted and molded into him perfectly.
Then, he'd kiss her right where they stood, lifting her feet off the ground and hearing her contagious giggle because he knew how she felt if gravity weren't holding her weight down. All with the winning ball tucked underneath his arm like a souvenir and a core memory. He thought about that scenario for a long time, replaying it over, hoping one day it'd come true.
He walked with a slight limp that he successfully played off through the crowd of raging fans field whilst earning congratulated slaps and pats on the back. He loved to soak in it all after every win, but today, his sole focus was finding Amira. He searched the half-empty bleachers and up and down the crowded field.
He wanted her. He needed her.
He wondered if he made her proud.
It sucked how much he ached for her approval but it was all he wanted. To make the other woman in his life proud. Feeling his chest, he clenched the chain and lifted it to place a proud kiss on it with a smile.
"You did again," He muttered just as he saw his family approaching, Lola running up to him immediately. She jumped just in time for him to catch and lift her.
Victoria—while holding Sasha, smiled proudly at her son. With his free arm, Carter embraced his mother.
"I'm proud of you, my love," She grabbed her son's cheek and smothered him with kisses. He chuckled and squeezed her, placing a kiss on her forehead and kissed Sasha's hands as she reached out for him.
"Thanks, Mamma."
"I'm sorry your father couldn't make it this time."
"Yeah, well wouldn't be the first," He scoffed, his eyes searching the field again every once in a while.
"That was awesome and I got it on camera!" Theo ran toward them alongside Diane and Cato. He waved his camcorder in hand, aiming it high as he filmed the aftermath. Carter smirked, dapping his little brother.
"Thanks, little man. Hey, can I see the one I stole from you?" Theo peeked an eye up at him and glared.
"Hm, I suppose. You want the footage of you know who?" he raised his eyebrows and Carter sat Lola on the ground. He bent down to Theo's height and muttered. "I'll pay you, full price for the entire thing."
"I don't know. My cameras are my babies."
"Double the price and I'll let you in on a secret on how to earn a sweet, but friendly kiss from Amira," He outstretched his hand and Theo wasted no time, slapping it. "Deal!"
"That's my boy," he ruffled Theo's hair as a pair of hands slapped his back and gripped. Cato revealed himself. "You won the scoring goal, fuck yeah man!" Carter shrugged, treating it like light work, and smiled.
Victoria thumped her son in the head immediately.
"Language Bambino!"
"Ow, dang mama okay Mi dispiace!" He frowned and rubbed his stinging temple. She rolled her eyes and pulled him to the side. Diane had been the only one not occupied with anything. She looked at Carter and realized they were the only two standing there, but he didn't acknowledge her too busy looking outward.
Taking a deep breath, she took a hesitant step forward.
Carter's eyes switched beneath him at the moving figure below his eyesight. With her arms wrapped around her frame like a tightrope as if she were shielding and protecting herself from the unexpected. She looked anywhere but at him but only for a second to congratulate him. "Congratulations," she muttered and if Carter didn't know how to read lips, he wouldn't have known.
Smiling forcefully, he nodded. Diane's eyes cast down sadly and she quickly went to stand beside Theo, leaning over his shoulder to watch him film the crowds.
Carter stared at her for a while, his heart heavy with guilt. "Hey," he called, taking a step forward. Diane nervously looked up at him. He frowned at how nervous or scared she seemed and felt even more of an asshole.
He didn't say much, in fact, he didn't say anything at all. Instead, he held his fist out. Diane looked at his large fist and sighed. It wasn't what she was expecting, but due to it being Carter, she didn't expect much of an apology. She accepted his fist bump which made Carter smile. She noticed the slight movement and smiled too.
"Amira is mating with the enemy! I repeat Amira is mating with the enemy!" Theo announced, looking up from his camera that filmed Amira on the sidelines talking to Kaz as he had just approached her.
Passing Diane, Carter's eyes darted to them.
"Fucking loser," he scoffed and made a move to approach them but Cato stopped him—thankfully. "You'll get in trouble. It's not worth it anymore."
Carter paused, knowing he was right.
It wasn't worth risking his career over.
"This wasn't how this was supposed to end," he whispered to himself, frowning as Amira smiled up at his enemy. She looked up at Kaz as he smiled with pressed lips.
"Sorry about...you know," she beckoned a finger around indicating the game that just ended. Twisting his helmet in his hands, he sighed. "Yeah well, Carter's gonna be rubbing it in my face for like a week on social media." She chuckled and Kaz wiped his winded hair away. "So I guess this means no date huh?"
Amira smirked, swaying back and forth gently. He made her feel girlier than usual. "Well, that was the deal. But," she stretched out, taking a step forward with her hands tied behind her back. She felt butterflies swarm in her stomach as he boldly stepped face-to-face with her.
A lot of football players are surprisingly taller than expected, but Kaz came off as the same height as her which was surprising but nice. For once she didn't have to look up at someone and they didn't have to talk down to her—despite her crawling out of the womb to be nicknamed slender all her life growing up.
Though, it was usually with guys only.
And at that moment while she randomly started to think about heights for some reason. She couldn't help but think about how she had to tilt back to look up at Carter and him downward at her. Her heart skipped a beat. Focus on the boy at hand before you girl.
Her inner thoughts are what kept her safe nowadays.
Kaz's head perked at the conjunction, awaiting what she'd say next. He wasn't disappointed. "I'll make an exception just this once. Only because you're cute and you just lost a big game." She pinched at some flesh of her bottom lip with her teeth. Kaz's eyes dropped to the movement before he played it off and stepped closer. He was nearly closed in on her.
"Because I'm cute huh?" He teased, slowly reaching behind her back to grab a hand. Her head jumped as he hooked a finger around hers. "You're okay," she played along and shrugged. "You're no Chris Evans or Rome Flynn but, you'll do," Kaz laughed out loud and leaned down so his mouth hovered over her left ear.
"What happened with just being yourself?"
"Old fashion," she scoffed playfully, trying to hold it together as a breathy buckle tickled the tip of her ear.
"Everyone wants to be someone that isn't themselves."
"Sounds like those people took Halloween too seriously," Jokes were definitely not his thing.
Suddenly, Kaz smirked tauntingly. He lifted his eyes, a pair of brown one's already on him, threatening him.
Just to hit a small nerve, Kaz wrapped a finger in between the ends of her hair without Amira knowing. He watched Carter clench his helmet in hand.
"Meet you out there?" He whispered the simple non-sexual question but purposely made it seem that way for Carter's eyes. "Mhm," Was all she could say, too nervous. Smiling in satisfaction, he finally backed away, giving her space to breathe. That was until he reached for her hand and placed a charming kiss then left.
It took her a moment to remember her life wasn't a fairytale. "Girl if you don't a grip," she scolded herself and spun around to head to the parking lot which was where most of everyone was starting to lead. But, she made eye contact with a pair of deranged eyes making her flinch and pause in her steps. Both of the twins stood on the field beside each other, both showing different emotions. Cato, soft yet unsettled.
Meanwhile, Carter made her afraid to blink. She thought if she blinked even for a second, he'd appear right in front of her like a vampire or something. She felt a pit grow open in her stomach and gulped. Every time she looked at them, she'd now be reminded of the kisses she shared with them both. Especially on the same night. It was her worst nightmare.
She knew she couldn't trust herself around them.
Shaking his head, Cato wrapped an arm around his brother and turned them away from Amira. She sighed in relief as they walked away. Merely a few seconds after, Carter shoved away from Cato to storm off.
Another guilt pit settled in her stomach.
Guilt for possibly hurting them both.
Guilt for possibly coming in between them with her sudden mixed feelings that she chose to put away.
For good this time.
She thought it was best. No, she knew it was best.
This sudden back and forth was a dangerous game before it even began. She wouldn't come between them if she convinced them to pretend the kiss—or kisses, never happened. That they were spar of the moment feelings. Then she could move on. They all could move on and she could move on to someone with Kaz.
Fiddling her chain around her neck, Amira began following the crowd out of their home stadium just as Yasmin and Lydia approached her on either side.
She sighed in relief that they were by her sides.
It was good that they came around or else she'd have to face the twins alone as soon as she got to the lot.
She wanted to avoid the situation as much as possible.
☊
"YOU'RE NOT COMING WITH US?" Diane frowned slightly, her arms hugging her body as a cool breeze picked up. "I'll be back at your house before the nights over, I help your mom out with you guys remember?" She gave a pointed look, chuckling while wrapping Diane in the only sweater she wore. "And besides," she tied the bottom of the sweater so it wouldn't drag. "It's FKL baby, as Carter told me," she tried to mimic Carter sarcastically. Diane stifled a chuckle and softly thanked her for the warmth.
"So I wouldn't wanna be a burden to your family time."
"But you wouldn't. You'd be an outsider like me, but you'd be there and that's what we all want. Mostly me."
Amira paused fixing the sleeves of the sweater and looked Diane in the eye. She seemed so unaffected by what she said and that hurt her heart a bit. That meant she's thought about it for a long time and just settled for it. "You think you're an outsider?" She asked softly.
Diane chuckled dryly, beckoning a hand behind her toward her half-dysfunctional family, all of them roughhousing with Cato being the ring leader and using Sasha as an imaginary flying creature in the air. All the while Victoria stood aside apologizing to people bypassing.
Out of everyone present in the parking lot, they somehow managed to be the loudest, bringing unintentional attention to themselves.
"The only thing we all share is the same dad. I was born third, but somehow I still feel like an outsider with Lola and Theo. Sasha is my best friend in the family only because she can't talk or understand the world yet. Not to mention whenever any of them look at me, they'll just see the girl who...who almost tore their family apart."
She crossed her arms and looked around, not needing to say much more. Her appearance only spoke for itself. Everyone at school constantly assumed she was adopted and teased her about it. She was teased as the unloved 'born out of wedlock' mistake everyone got stuck with. Kids bullied her since her brain could function and like Carter, called her a home wrecker.
Ever since she was old enough to understand, she witnessed her mother get bullied and called out of her name for being a whore and slut for having an affair with her father—a married man. But she never let any of those words break her. Diane craved to be as strong and confident as her mother was, but sometimes she hung on a very loose thread always ready to snip it.
That's why when Carter called her out that night by the pool, it still weighed heavy on her heart because he was supposed to be her big brother, the one that was supposed to protect her from the bullies and the world. But instead, he was a part of the clique. The only time she felt at peace was at home. With her mom.
She felt the world at peace when her mom and dad were together in the same room, talking maturely. She imagined Warren met her mom first instead of Victoria. She imagined they met in college, fell in love, got married, and lived their lives to the fullest before deciding to have and love her as a whole.
She imagined them happily married and she and Sasha were the only two in their lives that they needed to complete their family. She imagined her dad having a normal job to make enough time for her, time to sit and talk, and not some CEO that wasn't home at all. She'd just feel selfish after every time she pictured the fantasy, but it's how she felt. Desperate to be normal.
To feel normal.
And she wouldn't change it.
"I think...I think this is something you should talk with your dad and mom about—even Victoria. It's not good where your mindset is, especially at this age—this young. But it's how you feel and that's okay for now. One thing I will tell you is that family isn't just about sharing the same bloodline. Victoria loves you like one of her own and...you have to at least see that."
Rubbing her shoulder, Diane took a deep breath.
"I see it," she smiled forcefully. "I just don't feel it."
Amira blinked in surprise. For such a young girl, her mindset was something she didn't expect. She was before her time, beyond it even. "You're loved, Diane. I can assure you until my voice stops working that those people there..." She turned Diane's body to stand in front of her, her arms wrapping around her shoulders as she pointed to one of the most chaotic group of siblings she's worked with. "Wouldn't know true love if it weren't for you. You teach them something new every day, as their little sister, and as their big sister. Because true love doesn't just come in intimate relationships."
"They come in platonic ones too. And those are the relationships worthwhile just as much as the intimate ones. Love based on born-found closeness is much stronger than love based on found touch and whether or you're going to be with that one person forever."
"Neither of them lives as long as, but you'll always have one that'll live here," She rubbed her now warm heart. "Forever." Diane's breath staggered, "Oh."
Amira made sure to give her a tight hug, letting her know further just how important she was to this family, even Amira herself. And although Diane didn't say anything further upon her shocked uttered single syllable, Amira knew she said just enough to get her message across.
Looking up from Diane, Amira saw Carter approach his family with a duffle bag in hand. He was now in casual clothes with his hair disheveled and dampened from a shower. Her heart did a quick 180 out of nowhere and she swallowed as if her heart was in her throat.
His siblings and the multitude crowd greeted him with a myriad of cheers, clapping, and whistling, reminding him for the umpteenth time that he scored the winning touchdown that brought them closer to the national playoff championship. His siblings all clang to him, using his drained strength against him playfully as he struggled to the trunk of his car, whilst Victoria stood by capturing the Kodak moment on Theo's camera.
Amira smiled softly at the moment, her eyes specifically on Carter. Her mind was switching gears, forbidden gears, dangerous gears. When his eyes snapped to hers, she wondered how he knew almost immediately that she was watching him before turning away.
Within that turn, she spotted Kaz down the lot. He was leaning up against the headlights of a dark grey ford f150, one leg crossed over the other. He waved her down. Amira bit back her smile and spun around to bid the Knights goodbye until later tonight. The only thing that worried her was the way Carter burned his stare into her soul like she would turn into stone any moment as she told his siblings what she expected to come home to—an organized non-chaotic house.
But she knew deep down that wouldn't happen.
"Have fun sweetie," Victoria bid her a simple goodbye. Amira smiled thankfully and turned to leave but stumbled straight into the twins and their approach.
"Congratulations, I almost forgot," she smiled with force, clearing her throat. Awkward. She kissed both of them, it was bound to be awkward and weird.
"Thanks. Why don't you come celebrate with me," He grasped her hand and took a step closer causing her heart to go batshit. "Yeah," Cato leaped as well.
"Come with us, Caro," he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked between them, not knowing who her eyes wanted to settle for. "I-um," she was speechless.
"It would mean the world to me, bambino," She took a deep breath as Carter snaked an arm around her waist, pulling her flush into him. A sensory overload took over her body at their proximity. "Celebrate a win with me bellissimo," He whispered near her ear, his lips and nose grazing both her jaw and ear. She gasped softly, her eyes falling shut and her hands lifted to place them on his chest to push him away but she was hesitant.
She was afraid to touch him, and the sensory overload she was experiencing increased by the minute.
"C-Carter people are looking," She could feel eye's everywhere. This only made him hold her even closer and she struggled not to touch him whilst feeling like this. "Let them look. Now you look at me and tell me you'll come with us, with me," He ran his nose up and down the side of her cheek, taking her in.
"I-I can't," She muttered but it came out as a gasp.
"Don't say that," he squeezed her waist giving her butterflies and tingles in all places that shouldn't be tingling. "Not tonight," he grunted and whispered something in Italian. "Carter please," She frowned.
"I'm not giving up, not after our moment in the locker room," She sucked in a breath at the memory.
He loved how he was starting to get such an intensifying overload effect out of her that was slowly building up. Finally. She cracked. He needed to keep building it so she could burst and have her way with him. He pictured many scenarios of her taking control to do whatever she wanted to him, whenever and wherever she wanted.
"Not after all I could think about was having you in every kind of toe-curling, sheet-gripping position..."
Her hand inches away from touching him twitched to go for it and her head shook. "Please stop."
"But I wouldn't stop," Squeezing her tighter, he whispered many other heavy-headed, and dominant promises in her ear that made her come to her senses and grab his forearms to put space between them.
It wasn't enough space but he kept her locked in.
"Carter, I'm about to go out with someone. You can't just—" He briefly grazed his lips across her throat to the other side of her face making her breath hitch.
"—you can't just do this and tell me things like-like that and think I wouldn't be uncomfortable with it all," She glared and mugged his face away from hers. "Are you?" He asked genuinely, his hands started to loosen.
"Yes!" No.
He looked deep into her eyes that couldn't stop wandering around his face. "Are you?" She gripped his flesh and clenched her jaw. "Carter you have to stop this."
"But I don't want to."
"It's what you want, it's what you need to do."
He frowned slightly, "You picked tonight?"
"Of all nights?"
She sighed, glad that her senses were back intact.
"He asked me before the game. And you're going out with your family, I don't need to be a part of that."
"Fuck it, I want you there with my family. You're practically a part of us now, they all love you."
She shook her head at him, taking in how much of a sad puppy he sounded. The look on his face didn't make it any better either. "Carter listen to me—I...I'm sorry, I can't."
"Is it because of what happened in the locker room?"
She rolled her eyes. "It's not just about that, but yes."
"But you didn't regret it, right? At least tell me that," he begged, breathing in her scent and spinning them around so Kaz could continue to witness the moment, knowing he was watching the entire time.
"At least give me that bambino, please."
"Carter..."
"Come on baby, give me just that relief."
Her eyes closed as his fingertips ran up and down her waist, sliding to her hips. He made the touch feel so salient, pinching at her flesh a little. The touch felt so oddly satisfying that she almost considered—almost.
"I can't give you what I don't want to remember," she said before pulling from his grip which loosened once he heard what she said. and hurried to Kaz who smirked. He was amused that Carter thought he could make him jealous with such a moment, yet, Amira still chose him. He may have lost the game, but won something Carter never had in the first place and after so long, he finally his tick, a way to get into his head and hit his threading nerves. Amira. This whole time.
Just him breathing beside Carter set him off.
This was like taking candy from a baby.
"Ready beautiful?" Kaz smiled as she approached, taking her hand and smoothly spinning her around whilst opening the passenger door. "Um, did you happen to see...any of that?" She was embarrassed at the thought. "See what?"
She slowly smiled, "Okay then. I'm ready."
"Good because I have a place in mind."
cingulomania ; ( sing-u-glow-mania ) ; ( n. ) ;
a strong desire to hold a person in one's arms.
ngl, i forgot what color carter's eyes were. someone remind me—if i even described them yet in previous chapters.
page count again—2o pages 💪🏾