~You confuse me~
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January 3
School started after Winter Break today and my head has been stuck in my nightmares. I'm a strong woman and I push past them but it's always stuck in my head like tacky glue.
Today I cuddled in a grey cashmere sweater with jeans and white platform sneakers. I put on my favorite necklace which is gold with an imprinted "T" on it.
Classes were fine, Karan got discharged yesterday and was taking a few days before he comes back to school. I missed Aarshiya and Manvi, who was currently sending applications to college while Aarshiya was sending applications to modeling school.
Two completely different people, yet we are all best friends.
"What do you think about this?", Manvi murmured as she put her red ginger hair in a bun and pointed at her computer.
I looked to see the University of Tampa on her screen.
"Just as a filler, a guarantee they will accept me type of thing", she says.
She's always been determined about her education as I have.
"I say go for it, Florida has cute beach guys ya know", Aarshiya says, her black box braids covering her shoulder as she nibbles on a cocoa bar.
I make a face at her bar as it smells like healthy cardboard. She notices and makes a face at my face.
"Ya know you can ask me to try it instead of judging my granola bar", she teases as she breaks a piece for me.
Just as I am about to take it Himanshu grabs it sitting at the cafeteria table.
"I'll take it thanks", he says eating with a gorgeous "I had braces and now my teeth are perfect" smile.
Himanshu.
We saw them at the Wearhouse. I know for a fact Karan suspects them because he told me, but I don't think they are behind these thefts at all. He notices my quietness and shifts his eyes to me.
Unspoken words flow between us as we think about that night, but him being a gentleman he is, he smiles at me and asks about my break.
All of us enjoy our lunch and chit chat about what we did over winter. My mind heads to Karan as I'm supposed to visit him after school to give him his schoolwork.
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3:00pm
Karan's Apartment
Viren, my chauffeur drops me to Karan as I carry the work in my hands. Drishti made a pot of comfort food casserole. I call it CFC, like KFC but even better.
I carry all these as I was about to ring the bell then realized he said he opened the door for me. I step in and look around.
BlackLight gave him this apartment and it's quite modern with black square tiles and white walls. Almost everything is neutral from grey countertops to black leather couches.
Nice interior design, BlackLight
I hear footsteps and a tall and built figure moves in my peripheral. I turn to see Karan and my heart swells a bit.
He looks like he works out, but not so built and hefty, but I know his strength is more than a with guy with jug handle biceps could have.
"You didn't need to get up I would have come in", I barely can even say my words from his intense stare.
"Figured you wouldn't know where my room was", he replies, gaze still intense.
He walks towards me and he's shirtless with black joggers. A huge bandage covers his right side and my eyes linger on the bandage forgetting the supplies in my hands.
He stands in front of me and gently takes the items in my hand and puts it on the counter behind us. He notices my gaze and moves his hand under my jaw so I look at him.
"It's healing. I'm fine."
His grey eyes were intense and I could see the blue swirled in them as he reassures me he is okay.
I recover quickly. "Workload isn't that much and Drishti made some food for you. She didn't want you to be cooking while recovering." "It should last you a few dinners."
I could tell he didn't care about that as he looked at me. "Why did you leave the hospital without saying goodbye?"
I gulped at his soft pleading tone and felt guilty. "I didn't, I texted you that I left."
"I was waiting for you," Karan cups one side of my face with his hand and rubs his thumb back and forth.
My eyes close at his warm touch and he leans in for a kiss, I don't know where because I step back.
His brows furrow in confusion.
"Karan, you confuse me", I say voice soft. "You give me mixed feelings. Sometimes I think you like my presence and others I feel like it's plain business, so I didn't know what to do at the hospital."
I suck it up and look in his eyes and see him confused.
"I clearly said I wanted you there, I told you to stay, didn't I?"
"Well you were drugged so I didn't-"
"No. Don't you tell me I asked you that because I was drugged. Tejasswi, I always want you by me."
My stomach flipped at his words and I was star struck.
I always wondered how he felt towards me and he confessed something finally.
But something stuck in me. He was always fluctuating moods I shouldn't give in to the one time he admits it.
"You still confuse me, Karan and I don't want this thick tension between us to get into the mission."
He steps back a bit and stares at me.
"All I asked was my mission partner and friend to sit with me in the hospital. I didn't want the nurses all around me I wanted YOU around me."
See? Mixed Feelings.
I sigh. "I'm sorry. I'm here now."
He didn't seem happy about that anymore, so I took the hint.
"It's a cheesy casserole you're gonna need to warm it up. Drishti said to keep the pan. Hopefully, you feel better."
I step out to leave when he grabs my arm and stops me.
"Don't leave right now you just came."
I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
This visit was going the soap opera way.
"Tejasswi," he quietly pleaded.
I step back and he puts his arms on my shoulder asking if he can hug me with his eyes.
I nod and wrap my arms around his toned upper body as his strong arms wrap around my waist.
I barely hug his right side afraid I will hurt him and he smiles in the hug.
"It's not going to hurt me."
I still don't touch his right side until he moves his arm so my arm wraps around his right side.
Okay, that was kinda cute.
I've heard lots of girls talk about the "scent of a guy", but to me Karan didn't smell just like cologne.
He smelled like the feeling of familiarity.
"Feeling better?" I ask in his shoulders.
"Yeah."
We take a few seconds in silence. Karan and I are crazy busy and we never address this tension between us but it slowly goes away with our embrace.
"I'm coming back to school on Friday."
I back away and he holds myself close to him.
"Friday? Are you insane you just got discharged."
"Tejasswi this mission is still going on, life is still going on. I am not taking my leisure time and it's not like I got shot."
"You basically got stabbed by a metal machine, Karan."
"I'm informing you that I'm coming back to school on Friday." He says it so formally like his tone made it final.
I cross my hands on my hips and roll my eyes.
I swear he's more stubborn than me.
"Ya know I'm kinda hungry. Accompany me while I eat?", he lightened the mood heading to the dish Drishti made with a small smile on his face.
I smile and sit on the high black leather island stools as he warms up his food.
His back has defined and I mean DEFINED muscles. They move as he heats up his food and it shows just how strong he is. He doesn't showcase his back muscles in his shirts, kind of like he keeps them a secret.
Apart of me wanted to run my hand on the lines and see what shape they make when they connect.
He takes the food out and grabs a fork mixing the casserole together. He takes a bite and looks at me.
His gaze was always calm and full of rage at the same time. Ironic, right?
He continues to stare. "Want some?"
"I'm good, thank you."
As he sits down to eat I update him on the mission.
"They ID the guys."
His eyes flicker up to me.
"They tried to get them to talk and say who they were working for but they didn't budge. They did say they were the first of many."
He eats slowly in thought before speaking. "First of many over my dead body."
His tone was hard and determined, like he wasn't going to allow any more mess ups and I believed him.
Neither was I.
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3:00am
My nightmares kept me up again. This time I decided I was going to write it down no matter how much my head hurt. This same woman kept saying the same dialogue.
"NO DONT HURT HER."
"LEAVE HER ALONE."
"TAKE ME."
I wrote those three down while my head was screaming in my ears. It was torture but I knew it would help me when I'm better.
I sit up from my rubbing my eyes and trying to take deep breaths and focus on my breathing.
I am strong.
I got this.
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