Flora
I could see Sean brooding out on the porch. I'd always found it cute when he was set to jealous mode, but sometimes he could really overreact. In his haste to run off and sulk like a toddler, he had forgotten to take his coat.
I bet it was cold out there, but The King was obviously too cool to come back for it. I went out to find him because I simply couldn't let him freeze.
"What's a gorgeous man like you doing out here alone?" I asked, draping the coat over his back.
He turned to me and managed a very reluctant smile. "I'm thinking."
"About what? How to break up with me the day after getting back together?"
I meant to lighten the mood, but as soon as the words were out the thought hit me hard with a pang, kind of like the way it felt when I found the last piece of a perfect dress hanging on the rack, only to see it was size L.
I had never been in an in-love kind of relationship and suddenly it was too precious to handle. Everytime I came across one of our differences I felt like I needed to eradicate it immediately, like it was a zombie and if I didn't blow off its head fast, it would contaminate the rest of the mankind; although there were about eight million of them out there. Our differences, I mean.
He frowned at me. "No, I don't want to break up with you. I'm scared to even think about it."
Good. That was one thing in common. "Sean, that was such a long time ago. It's a misunderstanding. Can't we just forget about it?"
The chilly wind was blowing serenely, ruffling through my hot boyfriend's hair. Some guys are worth fighting for, while some guys are just too cute to fight with. I should heat up the Jacuzzi, I was thinking, when he decided to explore the issue further.
"I know it's a misunderstanding, but I'm thinking that back then, even if you had told me beforehand that you were meeting him, I'd still ask you not to. So I get why you didn't want to tell me."
"Oh good! Then you understand!"
"The thing is, I don't understand why you have this...need to hang out with him."
"Good question." I turned around and leaned against the railing, suddenly glad that he brought this up. I was eager to share my thoughts about it. "Since you asked, I want to tell you that when he came over, it didn't feel wrong. I felt liberated. Like I was able to do something to cheer myself up instead of moping around being mad at you. Why can't I hang out with other people when you're busy?"
"I never said you couldn't hang out with other people. Didn't I ask you to see your friends all the time?"
"Well, Raymond is my friend. A pretty good one, I might add," I declared righteously.
"I'd have no problem if you went out with a group of people."
"But I don't want to hang out with a group all the time," I whined. "You don't get to have a real conversation. It's different with just two people and I like it. Besides, sometimes those meet ups are spontaneous, and it'd be really ridiculous trying to recruit a third person."
He exhaled. "Flora, but drinking with a guy alone in your room is really intimate. Some guys might get the wrong idea."
"Would you feel better if I drink with a group of guys in my room?" I joked, but Sean didn't look amused. He put on his coat, and I could see he was starting to get upset.
"Come on, this is our routine." I clutched his arm. "He always comes over, the same way Sandy does. I think it's unfair that Ray is off limits just because he's a guy, because I honestly don't consider him any more than a friend who I can have a fabulous time with."
He scoffed. "What's so fabulous about him?"
"Well, he's complex. He seems so nice initially, but once you get to know him you discover how mean and perceptive he is. I can't stop laughing at all the horrible things he says."
I probably did a lousy job of describing him because it didn't impress Sean at all, or perhaps he just hated it whenever I said nice things about other guys. "I've always thought he's pretty fake. Now it seems like he has two personalities, and both of them are annoying."
"All that negative energy radiating off of him is actually pretty intriguing. He says the most hilarious things when he's hating on the whole class." I shared a few of Raymond's choice of insults, things I otherwise wouldn't have noticed such as weird-looking eyebrows, but just as expected Sean didn't find any joy in picking on other people's appearances. Since he was so perfect-looking himself it was understandable, the way I was always careful of making jokes about poor people.
"That seems like a really useful talent, picking out people's physical flaws," Sean said. "I hope he gets paid for it."
"Not just physical flaws, he finds personality traits to laugh at too," I added.
He shook his head. "You know who Raymond should hang out with? Sandra. There's nothing like bonding over common hatred, and in their case the target is everyone else."
I laughed, amused by the idea of Sandra and Raymond together, bitching about how people rub them the wrong way by waving with the wrong hand. Between the two of them, they could probably write an encyclopedia with all their pet peeves. "You know what? We should all hang out together. Maybe you'll learn to like him!"
"No thanks," Sean refused immediately. "What if he tries to kiss me?"
I chuckled. "Fine, you don't have to like all my friends, but at least let me hang out with him the way I always did before I met you."
At this point Sean sighed, and I started to worry if this discussion had drawn on for too long. "I'm not saying you can't be friends," he said, "but if you want to invite someone to your room and share a few beers, that person should be me. Am I not enough for you?"
Is he not enough for me? That was a tricky question. On the one hand he was everything I needed and wanted, but as a boyfriend. Sean didn't understand that he couldn't be my everything. I was not just his girlfriend, I was also Flora Morgan, Raymond's (and at least half a dozen of other guys') close female friend, and being in a relationship should not redefine me. My guy friends were not just spare tires to me.
"Friends are not just substitutes for lack of a relationship," I said profoundly, feeling extremely proud of myself. Friendships and relationships are two diverse roads. Sean was never my friend before he became my boyfriend, and up until the day before he had been my hot ex-boyfriend who I was secretly planning to lure back to my lair. Raymond, on the other hand, was someone I would never consider even if we were abducted by aliens and the responsibility of reproducing human offspring fell upon us. "I don't like Raymond romantically, but I like our routine and I don't want to give that up. You have nothing to worry about."
I decided to end my argument with a catchy analogy. "I'm not a science nerd, but I know at least this much. No amount of catalysts can make a reaction happen if it's not going to happen in the first place."
He raised his eyebrows in approval and smiled. "Impressive. But I think Raymond is a very unstable substance. He can undergo chemical changes spontaneously and possibly denature himself, and after that there's no telling what might happen."
Ugh. Why did I choose a science analogy? I should stick to food.
"Flora, seriously, am I not enough?" Sean asked again softly, and I could see he was hurt by the fact that I was choosing Raymond over him, although I was most definitely not.
"You're my favorite teenager in the world," I said honestly. I would've said person, but I should probably save that line for my mom. "I love you more than chai lattes, Hermès and St. Regis Hotels all added together. But please don't make me choose."
I would shut right up if anyone ever told me that I was more important than Hermès, but my heartfelt comparison was lost on Sean. He probably didn't know any of the things I just mentioned.
"Flora, I've been thinking if I should just let you do whatever you want." He sighed. "But I can't. I'm sorry. I know you're a very free-spirited person, and it's not that I don't trust you, but I think you're a little too close with your guy friends. Can't you just invite a few more people and hang out at the mall or something?"
Why was I even surprised? "I'm sorry, but that's just how I am. I like hanging out with them without worrying about keeping them at arm's length, and I like acting mean and immature with Raymond, when it's just the two of us. It's liberating and I need this outlet once in a while to blow off steam. If you can't love me because of it..." I swallowed.
I would stop acting mean and immature, obviously. I couldn't continue my words as I imagined Sean confiscating his love. It'd be worse than being forced to wear second hand clothes for the rest of my life.
He took me in his arms, impulsively, and held me against him. "I love you. I love you no matter what. But it's going to make me very uneasy if you don't let me have my way on this."
"I really don't see why it's such a big deal," I attempted one last weak protest, and he decided to tackle this from another angle.
"Okay, how would you feel if I invited some girl to my room?"
I pulled back from his embrace and considered the unlikely scenario. Sean cracking open a can of beer and handing it over to some other girl (who was probably sporting a bigger cup size than yours truly). Sean sitting on his bed with another girl, telling her he found her interesting. Sean leaning over in his drunken state and..."I wouldn't be overjoyed. Fine, I'd be pretty mad, but that's different."
"How's that different?" He folded his arms.
"Because." I rolled my eyes. "Because you're not like that. You're borderline antisocial." Sean was all about boundaries. Not even Janet went to his room when she dropped by to visit, and they mostly met in public places.
He narrowed his eyes in annoyance. "Just because I don't flirt with everything in sight doesn't mean I'm antisocial. And yesterday you said you dig that I'm detached."
"I mean I'd know something is up if you want alone time with another girl, so naturally I'd be alarmed. It's out of character for you, but for me it really doesn't mean anything because it's what I always do. I like getting to know people and making friends. That's why I think we should have customized rules to suit our different traits."
"You just spent five sentences to describe double standards," he retorted without missing a beat.
I didn't know how to debate with him because he was too good. He did have a point. He didn't ask me to cut Raymond from my life entirely, just that I should cut him a little looser. His best friend was a girl but he kept his distance, and all he was asking was that I did the same. He wanted a fair rule we could both go by.
But at the same time, I didn't think I was wrong and I didn't want to change. We were different people expected to fit into the same mold. We had opposite personalities and we each had our own idea as to how close we felt comfortable around other people, yet Sean wanted everything standardized.
I would learn to accept it, however, because Sean's love was more important than my entire collection of guy friends.
I put my arms around his waist. "I won't do it again," I said. Just the feel of his lean, muscular body against me convinced me I put down the correct answer, that he was reasonable and I was whiny. This was a successful negotiation after all.
He looked at me and smiled, glad that he had managed to talk some sense into me. His eyes were the color of the ocean, the deep end, and I felt hypnotized.
I would do anything to please him, even if he wanted me to be someone else who was easier to love.
***
Sunday evening, on the way back to civilization I was going to suggest celebrating our new found love at a really good French restaurant, the kind that you would find eighteen different cutleries on the table, but then I thought why bother. Sean probably couldn't fit the dress code, plus his machismo pride wouldn't allow me to pay for dinner, so never mind.
We chose a cheap diner to sit down, and I bet the only thing Sean checked in the menu was the price. I didn't blame him though; I knew he was short on cash lately, and I was happy just sitting across from him and absorbed in his lovely features the way a sunflower soaked up the sun.
"You're giving me a stress ulcer the way you stare at me," he complained with a smile.
I giggled. "Sorry. I don't get tired of looking at you."
"That's great. Maybe next time you can come to my room and stare at me so I don't have to Google for fun date ideas."
Fun date ideas was my job, obviously. What would he do without me? As I finished eating and put down my fork, a thought struck me from out of nowhere.
"What did you and Leslie do on a date?"
I could sense him tensing up immediately. "Excuse me?"
I knew he heard me the first time, but I repeated anyway. "What did you and Leslie usually do on a date?"
He took his time drinking from the glass of water in front of him, stalling. "Can we please not talk about her? I know everything I said can and will be used against me."
That just showed he had things to hide. When a convict doesn't cooperate with the police it goes without saying he committed the crime. Maybe Leslie wasn't what met the eye and was super fun in front of him. Maybe she was more romantic and better at organizing memorable dates than I was! How unimaginable!
I wasn't jealous, just extremely curious. "You promised you'd tell me anything."
"Okay," he relented, but it was clear he would rather talk about nuclear leakage in Japan. "We didn't really do much, mostly I went to her house and she practiced her violin and I did my homework. In summer I went to a physics lab in daytime so we only met at night after dinner, and we just took walks and talked. That's all."
I asked him about his dates, not about community service. "That's it?"
"That's it. I swear."
"And you enjoyed it?"
"I guess I liked the routineness of it," he said conservatively.
"But that sounds like the kind of things you can do with your pet dog, minus the violin."
I actually didn't say it to be mean, but Sean narrowed his eyes at me. "Flora, come on."
"I'm just really surprised. Are these things what you like to do on dates? You must have been so miserable putting up with her!"
"Can you not get mad at me if I give you an honest answer?" He asked, and when I nodded he said, "First of all I need you to know I like to do anything with you. You're the best date I've ever had. But honestly, I like the evening walks better than going to parties or traveling between different restaurants. I think the being together part is more important than taking part in an exciting activity."
I could feel a small artery just popped in my brain and blood was oozing all over the place. I thought he was just being nice when he said he liked the routineness, because Sean was too polite to proclaim outright that Leslie was an utter bore, but now I realized he meant it. He seriously thought taking evening walks was the optimal option.
"So all the trouble I went through was just a waste of time and energy." And money.
"No! I love dating you. I really do," he said. "I'm just saying as long as I can be with you it doesn't matter what we do. We can do the things you like because I'm okay with anything."
I shook my head numbly. I couldn't think. I didn't understand my boyfriend at all even though he was the best-looking guy on the East Coast and I loved him so much.
It was like adding a lavish diamond necklace to the whole ensemble, only to be torn apart by style critiques that the jewelry was completely tasteless. His words were like a slap to the face. He was saying no to some of the most valuable qualities about me.
I prided myself on my ability to appreciate the good things in life, to make friends with anyone, and that I was fun and people came to me when they wanted to have a good time. I was such a great event planner and I thought my specialty was dating. Sean wanted me to change into a sweet quiet girl who would stay home and have fries and cheap wine with him.
But he said he loved me. He really had no idea what he was getting himself into.
One glance at my face and he knew he couldn't get me to bounce back to cheery mode with one of his witty lines. Luckily the check had come, disrupting the ominous atmosphere between us. He paid quickly then dragged me out to the alley beside the restaurant.
"I want to go home," I muttered.
"I can't let you go home like this," he said. "I'm never making that mistake again. Tell me what you're thinking."
I shook my head again, and this time the tears came. "I don't know if it's worse that you don't love me, or that you love me for all the wrong reasons."
He stricken in front of me, looking panicked and confused. I distractedly commented at the back of my mind that the way he nervously regarded my tears was incredibly endearing, like he was five and he just broke his mom's favorite china. "You have to stop crying first because it really scares me, and I have no idea what you're saying."
I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath, nodding as I did so. I was so out of control I scared myself. I may be a drama queen but this was the wrong kind of drama. I preferred starring in a romcom with designer clothes and impeccable makeup, strolling down the boulevard flipping my hair, instead of hiding in a dark alley outside a lousy restaurant crying for no reason at all.
"Come on, I know I may be boring to date, but seldom does it end in tears," he said. "Most of the time it ends with the girl telling me I'm a really good kisser."
I giggled despite myself, making an unattractive snorting sound.
"Good, you smiled." Sean was visibly relieved. He came closer. "Now, tell me what's wrong. I know talking about Leslie will get me into trouble, but I didn't expect it to be this serious."
I incoherently told him about how he didn't appreciate the best things about me. "You don't like any of the things that matter to me. You don't like fashion, fine dining, designer brands, or my guy friends. You don't even like the extravagant dates I planned for you!" I sniffled, feeling more stupid by the second, like I always did when I realized how petty my life goal was compared to his. "How can you be sure that you love me without having anything in common with me? I'm worried that we have amazing chemistry but we aren't that compatible."
He was silent for a while as he considered this, and I was afraid he was starting to agree with me. This was one of the instances that I begged to be contradicted. I needed him to tell me I was wrong and overanalyzing.
"Well, you are right, I don't care much about any of the things you just mentioned," he started slowly, and I felt my heart plummeting from a tree and hitting every branch on the way down, adding bruises and scratches. "But I like that you're always able to surprise me, your energy and your enthusiasm. I don't need to go on extravagant dates, but I like that you care about me and you put a lot of effort into planning one. I don't care about fashion but I like your air of confidence when you brag about how you're fashion inspiration to mankind. I can't tell the difference between good and bad food, but I can't stop smiling when you boss me around about dining etiquette. I also enjoy hearing you talk about trips to Europe and the quality of your car and how your hobby is rolling around in Egyptian cotton.
"And I'm not gonna lie. I really don't like your guy friends, but I appreciate your ability to make friends with anyone. Does that make sense, dear Flora?"
I nodded, impressed with his ability of persuasion. "That's kind of like the way I admire you when you're studying. You look really sexy when you slave over your physics problems and I love the concentration on your face."
"Well, you obviously have a really twisted idea about what's sexy. But yeah that's what I meant."
I smiled. I knew all about sexy. I had been in very close proximity with sexiness for the past 36 hours.
"I know we don't agree on a lot of things, but remember what you said before? You worry about fun and I worry about safety. That's what makes us such a great pair." His eyes shone in the evening light. "We complement each other."
"We complement each other," I repeated, trying the words out. It sounded promising. "So you don't think I'm wrong for you? I mean, you can easily find your soul mate among all the girls who have crushes on you. Surely one of them would be down-to-earth and you guys can talk about the theory of relativity all the time."
"No, I hate nerds. They are so boring," he said with a perfect straight face.
"Isn't that like discrimination against your own people?" I smiled and he smiled too.
"Come on, Flora. Do you really think I'm looking for someone to talk physics with? I don't care that we like different things, and I certainly don't want to date myself."
"But I'm also bratty and really superficial, Sean. I like having fun and my attention span is like a three-year-old who watches too much SpongeBob SquarePants. I can't engage in any kind of smart people talk with you."
He chuckled. "You are smart. I can't engage in any kind of rich people talk with you, either."
"That's okay. I just wish you'd let me spend money on you once in a while."
"If it makes you happy then I guess so," he agreed as if I was asking him for a kidney. I wasn't too concerned about it, though. I knew the power of money, and the good life was fairly easy to get used to. "Look, I don't believe in soul mates. At least, I don't think they are found. They are created. If we're together longer we'll learn to adapt to each other's ways," he said firmly. "We'll have some quiet nights and we can go to parties too. I'll try whatever you think I should. I'm willing to learn new things together, even things like salsa."
"Don't be ridiculous, Sean." I scoffed. "I already know how to salsa."
"Good. I was just exaggerating to make a point."
I smiled. "I don't care that you can't dance. But it'd be nice if we can find some things in common and some activities we can do together."
He raised his eyebrows in mockery and smirked. "I thought we already established that. There's a certain activity we've been doing for two days."
"Besides that," I said pointedly and he grinned.
"You make me really happy," he said. "I hope I make you happy too. That's all I ask for."
"Of course you do. I'm just really scared because I've never been in love before," I admitted. "I'm really afraid of wrecking this."
"I'll make it worth it. Don't over think, baby. We may not be a perfect couple, but I think we have something good. And who wants to be perfect anyway? Perfect is boring."
But you are perfect, I thought, but decided against saying it. "I'm going to be acting really crazy from time to time."
"I know you're crazy." He swiped my cheek lightly with his thumb and it was strangely healing. "I happen to be very fond of crazy."
I laughed. Sean was being so patient with me and I enjoyed it tremendously. If it was a year ago he would probably ask me to give him a call after I got over it.
"Anyway." He put his hands on my shoulders and pressed me against the wall. "I'm grateful that you love me. You won't be sorry for it." He held my gaze and he was so sexy and so sincere, I really just wanted to carve whatever he said on my arm. He gave me a dark alley kiss, which was right up there on my list of most-desired kisses along with locker kiss and kiss in the pouring rain. Every time he kissed me I was still surprised at how magical it felt. It stopped time and took me to places, and that was the only theory of relativity I would ever know.
"I really, really love you," I said.
"I really love you too, and falling in love with me will be the best crazy thing you ever do," he said. "And it won't land you in jail. I think."
I laughed. He slid his hand down my arms and folded his fingers around mine, leading me away so we could take a short walk. The night was peaceful, the sky was dark, adorned with scattered stars. Sean's confidence about us was infectious. I had managed to find a great guy, and my anxiety and doubts dimmed like the city lights.
We walked back to his car holding hands. I guess walking and talking really isn't that bad, as long as you find the right person to do it with. He pulled to a stop in front of my building, not hesitating for a second about making that U-turn he was so reluctant about before we got together, and he gazed at me longingly before I left him.
"See you at school tomorrow," he said gently after I kissed him. It was such a simple but fascinating sentence, because I knew we never had to say goodbye again. It was just an intermission, and tomorrow I got to see him and smile at him and text him and touch him when no one was looking.
That was the perfect ending to a date, and it wasn't even an ending.
It was a beginning.
***
Do you think Sean and Flora are perfect for each other, or is the seed of doubt starting to sprout in your head? Thank you so much for reading!!