SIMPHIWE SHANDU THE HUSBAND
CHAPTER 21
NOZIMANGA
I have been staying with Jele for about a week now. The most painful thing was him sacrificing his happiness to make me happy. A man who cancelled his trip, dream job with more money and requested a certain time to think things through. Now, it would have been very selfish of me to even think about fixing my broken marriage. Do I still love my husband? Yes, I still do but there is no way in hell I will ever be with him even in the next life. That man has humiliated me enough and made me a laughingstock. My peers have their own things not just have but they own, and I am here owning a marriage certificate that is about to be burnt in ashes. Simphiwe loved me yes, but not as much as Jele. When I am with him everything changes, maybe my nerves get the best of me, and I can’t say what you truly feel. But what I know whatever connection I feel for him is real after so many years. Looking into his eyes, I lose your courage, but still want him to know how much I care. I just fail to express myself wordy. But they say actions speak louder than words. As for my fearful husband. He treated me like an option, so I felt like a choice to him. It’s sad, something is coming to an end because of him. It cracks me open, in a way—cracks me open to feeling. When I try to avoid the pain, it creates greater pain. I once heard, ‘Do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you,’ that is why I am deciding to move on and forget about my past life. I want to create new memories, travel the world and be me not the wife that wanted to fit forcefully. It’s true when they say nice people don’t necessarily fall in love with nice people.
“How are you holding up?” he asks, settling beside me. He holds my hand and kisses the back of it. I smiled and turned to face him. What would I have been if it was not for this man who has been there, but I never noticed him. I take a deep breath trying not to be emotional. I am about to throw my life that I have known for a very long time.
“Everything hurts – the fact it's time to let my whole past life down the drain. I am exhausted that I stayed too long - I am mad at myself that I did not love myself enough to know when to let go. I held on hoping for a miracle, nothing changed. Instead of changing it got worse.” What I love about Jele is that he listens to my ranting without interruptions. He lets me speak my mind and heart.
“Whatever you decide I will accept. My heart is ready for anything.” he says with a pained broken voice. How will I not sacrifice to make him happy when he put his life on hold for me. I pulled the brown envelope underneath the pillow and gave it to him.
“What is this?” he asks opening.
“Something that will be the start of my healing process.” I say. I look at his face as he reads through and takes a deep breath shoving the papers back in.
“Wow, I don't know what to say. Are you ready to finally let go?” He asks.
“I've been ready for a long time, but I was just in denial. I don’t want anything from him. I will be starting my life over from scratch.”
“I am very delighted to hear that.”
“Fihliwe is awake.” I giggle. This one just likes staying in-between my legs for no reason. He absconded form work for a quickie and now he is glued on me. He groans and stands up. He comes back with her in his arms. Days ago, before the burial, we decided to take the baby to her grandmother's house, but the grandmother wanted nothing to do with babyFihliwe. She told Jele to give the baby up for adoption – she is not about to raise a sin, imfebo yabantu. How does one grandmother wish death upon their granddaughter? We then went to the police station, and we were told there is a process that needs to be followed. We can't just rock and declare a missing child case to be opened. Fihliwe is missing because no one knows where she is. Jele got fed up because we were being tossed and turned around like puppets. He made an affidavit and confirmed that he would keep her until the father was fit to take his daughter. That was the best option he could have possibly had. I hated Fihliwe at first but now I am singing another different tune. I miss Zuri so much that it hurts. I miss how she just stares at me when I'm asleep and smiles for no reason, I miss her touch – how she wakes me up when I'm asleep. Her smell.
“Why are you crying?” I didn't even notice that my eyes were dropping tears.
“I just miss Zuri.” I spit honestly. I will try getting hold of Victoria Falls. Maybe sneak her out and just let me spend time with her.
“Can I see her?”
“Who? The baby?”
“Yes,” hoping for a yes.
“Yes, you can.” I stand up and jump into his arms forgetting that he is carrying the baby on the other hand. “You are going to make me drop this baby.” He laughs and lets go of me.
“I am so lucky to have you.”
“Mxm, gold digger.” He laughs a bit and walks out of the room.
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Vivian did confirm that Simphiwe was not at home, apparently his mother is being discharged today. I parked the car where I used to park. This was my home and I used to love it, but it was just not making me happy.
“Zuri.” Here she is sitting on top of the table watching cartoons. She looks my direction and gasps in shock. She jumps off the table and runs toward me. I couldn't hold it in. The tears just kept on rolling one after another.
“My baby – look at you. I haven't seen you in a week and already you look so grown.” instead of responding she just looks at me and smiles. At least there is a smile, she is just not staring at me only. I hear a car parked outside. Jele told me to play along, Afterall I am still married to him.
“Babe!” He is shocked and scared at the same time. Coming here Vivian didn’t even look in my direction but rather ran out and said she was going somewhere for fresh air, and she would be back soon. I would say she is avoiding me for some reason.
“Simphiwe, hi.” I greet him in a very boring tone. He doesn’t know whether to hug me or just stand there and look at me in shock.
“I came to see Zuri. I missed her a lot.” I say and I see his nervous smile disappearing. What was he thinking – that I was here for him? Ow, hell no!
“Ow, I see.” Those begging big eyes could never fool me any longer. I walk past him - I feel like having something to eat. The fridge is empty.
“What have you been eating in this house?” I ask. Only Zuri’s food is present. He is following me around like a lost sick puppy. I know when he is nervous. He acts out of character – like he is right now.
“What is it?”
“Huh?” He looked at me confused. His eyes kept on roaming at the entrance of the door. I would love to see what is going to enter through that door of his. I see a shadow slowly walking towards the door. This is a woman contour. I should have known.
“Hau Simphiwe, just me being gone you have already decided to give my house to another woman?”
“Babe.”
“It's okay, can I take Zuri with me?” I wouldn't be comfortable leaving her with strangers.
“Babe, I can explain.”
“No need Simphiwe dear husband. Your baby momma is here, and I am sure you wanted her to be here so bad.”
“That is not true.” He says looking at me and then back the woman sitting down on the couches.
“Another baby girl.” I say. “Maybe I am pregnant with a boy who knows.”
“Nozi...”
“I will be upstairs packing Zuri’s clothes.
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“Mama, can we please talk about this.” He can plead all he wants; I am done talking to Simphiwe. I am dome crying. Imagine if I were to give him a second chance, all his would have continued. A chameleon never changes its color.
“Look Simphiwe. You can now do whatever you want to do. I am done trying to make you happy. I am dome trying to sacrifice my life for you. You made me a fool for far too long. I don’t know whether you have been taking my kindness for granted or what.”
“It's the devil babe. I didn’t mean for all of this to happen, the reason for this lady to be at my home is because I want to have a ceremony for my child. You know how Shandu kids are.”
“Then why not inform me?” I ask, turning to face him.
“I was not able to get hold of you.”
“That is because you did not try hard enough! You didn’t care! All you care about is how you think about your two-centimeter dicklet.” I click my tongue and zip Zuri’s bag.
“The reason for me taking Zuri is because her mother left her under my watch if something happens to her, I would be held accountable. I will call a family meeting and settle this shit – joke of a marriage once and for all.”
“Nozi, please do not involve the elders.” He can cry all he wants I do not care!
I walk out of what I used to call MY room and walk down the stairs with luggage being pulled behind. Zuri is following behind and she has grown enough to slip down the stairs without anyone's help. Two policemen standing in the dining room.
“And then?” I asked the girl who looked terrified.
“We are here for Simphiwe Shandu.”
“Ow,” I step aside. I wonder what he has done now.
“Ndoda, you are under arrest of the rape of Miss Shongie Violet...
“What!” I am in shock. As much as I hate my husband, I would never believe anyone when they told me he raped someone. It cannot be possible. “When did all of this happen?”
“No time for question mam Sir, you have the right to remain silent because whatever you do or say will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to get a lawyer if you cannot afford one, the state will provide you with one.
“I didn’t rape her.” He looks at me with those confused lost eyes. The girl is nowhere to be seen. I want to ask her questions.
“Nozi, please believe me. I did not do it babe.” I know he didn’t, but I don’t want to give that satisfaction of him knowing that I know him that well.
“Where is the girl?” I ask.
“She is being kept in a safe place. She is scared for her life.” I don’t believe this. I don’t know whether to cry or just stand there. I look at my soon-to-be-ex-husband being dragged out of the house like nobody. He bought this for himself.
“I should get going.”
“Not so fast. I am sure it was fun when he was under your pants, I'm sure it was fun when I had sleepless nights while the two of you were galivanting in the streets. I’m sure he will need you. Stay because I am leaving him.” I pull the luggage towards the door.
“I can’t be here without Simphiwe.” She is on the verge of crying.
“Ow yes dear sister wife you can.” I speak. She grabs her bag from the couch and follows me behind. I don’t know what she was hoping for really. She stands outside looking all lost. Another baggage Simphiwe is letting me to face.
“No, I can't stay here. Can I please have bus fare money - I did not bring any cash with me.”
God has got to be kidding me right now. She wants the whole of me. For the sake of the child, she is carrying in her hands, I will drop her off. I don’t have money to give to hoes.
“I will drop you off. You can get in the car.” Simphiwe will never see heaven. He is going to go straight to hell. I lock all doors of this house...
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“So, Simphiwe has been arrested for rape?” Jele asks sounding surprised.
“Apparently yes, I am not taking sides or anything. That man doesn’t strike like a man that would rape. Yes, he loves women, but he would rather lie and sell them dreams for him to get underneath their skirts I respond.
“I don't know what to say. But he doesn’t strike like a one.”
“Exactly, now that girl is nowhere to be seen.” I snap.
“Then why are you angry?” His eyebrows snapped.
“I am angry because I will be forced to be by his side through the worst times because I do not know what the further holds. What will I do with these kids? Simphiwe naye really gets on my last nerves. Maybe his mind will work if he gets to receive two claps from those inmates.” I click my tongue. I don’t care about him being locked up. I am angry at the fact that I will have to take full accountability for these kids!”
“You are pregnant. I don’t like you stressing my kid in here.” Sometimes I even forget that I am pregnant. It's just so unusual to be pregnant.
“I will try.” I say taking a deep breath. “Now I will have to inform his bloody parents!”
“I think it’s the best you tell them now, face to face. You can leave the kids behind.” He offers. Such a sweet man. What would I be without him?
“Call me if they are giving you problems.” I perk on his lips. I don’t know why he always gets turned one by those little touches I give him.
“Can we go to the toilet.” his eyes are getting smaller by the second. I giggle.
“To do what?” I know what exactly he wants, and I am just playing hard to get.
“Hau babe, please. I’m not going to put it all in.”
“The last time you said that I got pregnant.” I laugh.
“Hau MaJele.” I melted immediately.
“Follow me.” He puts Fihliwe on the bed and follows me to the toilet. If I scream louder than my lungs it will all be on him.
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“So, my brother has been arrested?” His sister asks, sounding shocked.
“Yes sisi. I don’t know why Simphiwe keeps hurting me like this.”
“I sometimes think he was bewitched or something. No man behaves the way he does.” Even his sister is upset like really. It's sickening.
“And another thing – one of the baby mama’s left her daughter under my care again and she later committed suicide. I tried contacting the girl’s family, but the mother didn’t want anything to do with the child. I had to keep her. Ow and the recent one has given birth. All these kids are born in the same year.”
“Bagqibile has given birth?”
“You knew about her?” I am shocked. To even think she was closer to me more than anyone in this family. My heart is just broken.
“No, yes. No, I mean just recently.’ she lies right on my face. I am just hurt that even his family knew, and they continued to make me a fool.
“For how long you have known?” The lump on my throat.
“Months.” She looks shamefully down. Why am I surprised? Blood is thicker than water.
“I see. What about the kids? I can't take care of them?” They all keep quiet like I've just dropped a bomb on them.
“Ey makoti, mina I am way too old.” his aunt.
“Okay, I know where this is going. You are going to say ama this and that, right?” I stand up. I have had it with this family, like really. I am done with them!
“But there are also your kids makoti.” his father says. I look at him in disbelief.
“It's okay, I will take care of these kids without your help.” I am emotionally tired, drained and mad. All of this is weighing me down and it hurts. The only supportive person I have is Jele. If I lose him, I will be a complete mess. I can hear them mumble amongst themselves. I told them that his son was arrested, and no one seemed to care about anything at all. I will leave them like this. I want to know where all this ends.