Unedited
Sage:
It was quiet and dark when I closed the door, my legs still shaking after hours and hours of pleasure. I was sore and aching, every step I took causing me to exhale as butterflies fluttered in my stomach.
I slowly walked upstairs, checking on Ariel to see she was asleep in her bed. My tears streamed down my face as I thought about my daughter. When you're a parent, it's like you're growing up with your child no matter how old you are.
Sometimes I feel like a bad parent, but I remind myself time and time again that I'm not. I just feel.. disconnected. When Ariel was first born, everyone started calling me her father automatically.
This whole time I wanted to be called mom, mama, or even mommy but I never said anything because I didn't want everyone to think I was crazy. I have a penis..but inside I feel like I shouldn't.
Angel just..gosh. They just made it even worse. I know I shouldn't have slept with them but..the pleasure was undeniably the best pleasure I've ever felt in my entire life. I orgasmed so many times, and so did Angel. I made sure to make them feel good too, touching and licking them in places that I'm sure they liked.
They sure liked it on me..multiple times..
I knew I had to talk to Novalie. At the end of the day, I wanted nothing more than for us to work things out. I know it's probably long overdue but..things are different now.
Very different now.
I closed Ariel's door and walked to my bedroom, before taking a deep breath. I opened the door and saw Novalie laying down watching the television. It was that show with all the Instagram influencers that she liked.
"Hey." I breathed as I shut the door. Novalie looked up at me with tired eyes before looking away causing me to frown. I walked over to the bed and slowly crawled onto it, Novalie sitting up slightly.
"Are you ready to talk?" She asked quietly. I nodded and she sighed before shaking her head, the tears dripping down her cheeks as Novalie looked up at me with heartbreak.
"I'm sorry. I just..was too blinded with my own feelings to pay attention to yours. I'm not sure why I did that..I don't know if it's because I have a guard up ever since what happened with Claire and my mother and lately I've been taking it out on you. It's like everyone just moved on and I'm stuck. I try and try every single day to get up and be a good person and I feel like I'm failing. I've said such harsh things to you and you were the last person to deserve that. And now..we both messed up. But I started it and let it continue instead of fighting for you and I'm sorry."
I stared at Novalie as she stared down at her hands while sniffing. I was trying to process everything, the last few days being the biggest roller coaster ride I've ever been on. I wanted nothing more than to hug her so I did, holding my fiancée as we both cried.
"I'm sorry too. I should've communicated my needs better but I haven't been clear at all. I just..it's so hard to explain but you deserve to know the truth." I stated shakily as I pulled back and stared at Novalie.
"Are you..are you straight?" Novalie asked quietly. I swallowed hard and analyzed her uncertain eyes as she waited for an answer that I couldn't give.
"I-I don't..-"
"You don't have to answer if you don't want to."
"No I do. I'm..I wouldn't necessarily say straight but.. I definitely like the masculine type for sure. Before he um..hurt me..I used to picture myself with a husband and adopted kids. I never explored the other side of me until after as a coping mechanism. Until Angel..I really never tried before." I whispered the last part as I looked away from Novalie, but gasped as her fingers pushed my face to look at her.
"You don't ever be ashamed of who you are no matter what others think of you. You don't hurt people while discovering yourself because you felt as if you weren't deserving of what you wanted. I would've never judged you for that if you had told me, but now I understand why and I'm thankful for you telling me. But please..we need to figure this out not only for us but for Ari too. She's been asking for you."
"What's going on with your side of things? What is it that you want?"
"Well..I have mommy issues.." Novalie started to sob and it scared me, my instinct being to immediately wrap my arms around her. She cried into my chest and I swallowed as I rubbed her back as my eyes prickled with my own tears.
"I have daddy issues." I chuckled sadly causing her to snort before sniffing and pulling away from my chest. She wiped her face before sighing and shaking her head.
"It's unreal. I just..I never thought I'd ever experience something like that before and like it. I used to think it was weird, but me being in that position made me feel so vulnerable Sage..as if I was-"
"Feeling myself for the first time again."
"Yeah..exactly..I have a question." Novalie snickered causing me to roll my eyes before nodding.
"Did Angel fuck your ass?"
"Oh my God, Novalie. Yes they did."
"Ew, oh gosh. If you had asked me to do that I probably would've been in disagreement."
"Well..it's why I didn't ask." I chuckled awkwardly causing Novalie to smile sheepishly with apologetic eyes.
"Well..what are we going to do?"
"I don't know, Novie. We can't just stay married and fück other people. That's so.."
"I mean we can.."
"Novalie."
"Sorry."