"You look... stunning."
I stared at my best friend, a small grin on my face.
"I wonder where I've heard that line before, hm?"
Phoebe grinned, "You truly are a sight for sore eyes, my friend. My beautiful, kind, intelligent, best friend."
I rolled my eyes, playfully smiling at her.
"Let's not get emotional already, shall we?"
"Says you, who can't stop bloody dabbing at her eyes." She scoffed in response, "Can you actually believe that we were here a year ago? So much has changed, Iz... last year, we didn't even know if you were going to-"
She paused, nibbling her lip as she lowered her eyes towards the floor, keeping her gaze off me.
I knew what she was trying to say, and truthfully, she was right- because I had thought the same.
Just one year ago, I was riddled with cancer and didn't know if I was going to survive, never mind knowing where my life was going to take me.
I was in a relationship with someone completely different, I was working in the candle shop, I didn't know about my parents' history, and I didn't know about the family secret that had haunted my gran for the whole of my lifespan.
This time last year, I didn't think that I'd fall pregnant, I didn't think I would have gone through the pain, the agony, and the heartbreak of losing my son and I didn't think I would have lost the only woman who had brought me up and taught me everything that I knew.
I didn't think that Phoebs would have been engaged to be married, I didn't think she'd be a mother to a little boy who I loved as my own and I certainly didn't think that I would have stayed in contact with the tall, lanky, curly headed rock and roll wannabe boyband member who had turned my world completely upside down.
I didn't think I'd be stood here now, reliving the first day that we met on our anniversary, but here I was, stood in the exact same room Phoebe and I stood in last year, in the exact same hotel and wearing the exact same dress.
Funny how things work out, isn't it?
"Do you ever wonder how things may have panned out if I hadn't have dragged you to the gala?" she asked, "Like, do you think you and Harry would have ever met?"
"Harry seems to think so, he believes in fate." I said, stroking down the fabric of my dress with the palms of my hands; "He reckons it would have happened either way."
"You can't deny that what you two have is strong, Izzy. Maybe you would have, who knows... but just so everybody knows, I'm taking full responsibility for the love story of the last decade."
I rolled my eyes, laughing as she neared me, taking my hand in hers.
"The peach really does bring out the hazel in your eyes, Izzy." Phoebe said proudly, and I could have sworn I heard her voice croak a little again... just like last time.
"Don't cry, Phoebs... don't."
"I know... I know..." she rushed, "But you just look so beautiful... you looked beautiful in it last year, but this time... I don't know, you just look... better."
"Funny, the last time I wore this dress I actually had cancer." I said out loud, biting my lip, "It's crazy to think about what's happened in the last year... how so much has changed."
Phoebe nodded, not really knowing what else to say in the moment we were sharing.
"And the last time I was doing this dress up, I'm pretty sure I was telling you to dump the boyfriend and enjoy what time you had left."
I smirked, feeling the dress tighten as she pulled at the seams once again at the back, strapping it fully into my curves.
"That you did..."
"Aren't you glad you listened to me, hm?"
"I suppose I have to thank you for kicking my arse into the right direction, yeah." I laughed, staring at myself in the mirror.
It felt strangely weird wearing the dress again, but as I stared at myself, I took in every detail and remembered what Harry had said in his letter... to remember every detail, every thought, and every feeling.
I remembered stressing about the dress because back then I wasn't much of a fan of figure-hugging dresses, but now with Harry's love, support, and encouragement, I found myself rearranging the dress and bursting with confidence that I had gained from him.
The dress I had chosen for the gala charity dinner was peach coloured, a low-cut ensemble that boasted a beaded detail around the bodice of the dress, with a figure-hugging skirt and a sheer elegant train that followed it... in fact, I had forgotten how beautiful it was.
To team the dress up, much to my surprise, Phoebe had managed to find the glittering clutch bag and peep-toe shoes in my walk-in wardrobe back home; and to complete the day, just like last year, she paid for the same hairdresser to come to the hotel and completely pamper me.
Of course, my hair was a lot shorter now than what it was like back then, but it was still off my back and left my shoulders on show.
I didn't admit it back then, because I didn't have the confidence, but today however, I felt it... and I was radiating with the confidence, even if I say so myself.
I felt and looked a million dollars.
Phoebe on the other hand, just like last year, was wearing her black long mermaid dress, and the only way I could describe it was that it was floor length, it had a halter necklace that was blessed heavily with beading, crystals and pearls around her chest, it was off the shoulder and came with a court train and on the left side of the dress, it had a beautiful slit that exposed her leg right up to her thigh.
The dress was sleeveless, and just like last year, her hair was done up and pulled into a messy but gorgeous bun, and she had teamed her outfit with crystal drop earrings and the thickest, longest black heels I had ever seen in my life.
She looked like a movie star then, and she looked like a movie star right now.
"I feel like this dress is a little tight," Phoebe muttered, "Bloody baby weight, I can't wait to get rid of it."
"Don't you even think about it," I warned her, "That weight is a memory of what your body did for your baby. You're incredible."
"Thanks, Iz." she smiled softly at me, "So... are we ready?"
"I think so." I whispered, a small grin appearing on my face.
I was so excited for tonight.
Phoebe squealed happily, "Okay, okay, so first thing's first, we have to take a selfie. We did it last year, we must do it this year. Sort of like a before and after pic, hm?" she giggled, and I found myself agreeing, even though last year I was mocking her for wanting one.
I posed, grinning, and laughing as Phoebe snapped the picture, reminding me to tell her later that she had to link this one to her Facebook, Twitter and Instagram pages, with me tagged in it.
"So, before I start bawling my fucking eyes out, can we get going now please?"
I grinned, "Our carriage awaits, princess."
"Didn't you say that last year as well?"
I nodded, laughing; "I think I did, yeah."
***
"Holy shit." I breathed, staring out into the familiar massive hall that the re-imagination of the first night we met was taking place.
It was exactly how I remembered it, if anything, it was much better.
The massive hall was dimly lit with an orange theme, the exact (well, I assume they were the exact same ones) drapes were hanging around the windows which blocked out the opening world, and just above the drapes were beautiful and intricate ceiling lights that lit up the corners wonderfully.
Inside the hall, were the same round tables that had around roughly ten seats displayed around them.
The tables themselves each had the same black throw over them, teamed stunningly with an exciting atmosphere that was making me giddy with excitement.
"Miss Thomas?"
I turned, noticing a guy in a smart suit, offering his hand out to me.
"Mr. Styles has requested that I take your bag, you won't be needing it, Miss."
"Oh..." I frowned, giving Phoebe a look, yet she simply shrugged and made a face; "Okay," I answered, handing over my bag to him.
"Would you like a drink, madam?"
"I think I'm going to need it, so yes please, make it a large one." I requested politely, "Phoebs?"
"Oh yes please, that would be great thank you." she said, the both of us taking in the air of excitement before the actual event took place.
Well, was there going to be an event taking place?
I mean, last year was a bit different seeing as the gala dinner was taking place, but there was nothing going on tonight... the room was empty, and even though we were welcomed by the waiter just like last year, the silence was deafening.
The room was set with a full set, stage, screen, lighting, and sound system, just like last time, along with tables and seats for the 200 odd people who had attended the event this time last year... I wondered, were we just going to be spending our anniversary night with Louis, Niall, Liam, and Phoebe?
"You're doing it again. You're overthinking. Stop it."
"I'm just... trying to make sense of it all, that's all." I defended myself, yet before Phoebe could answer me with a snappy response, the exact same jazz trio entered the room and began entertaining us, before we were both escorted to our table for the apparent four course grand dinner.
"I vaguely remember you swearing at this point, because Jamie Oliver was sitting right over there." I said, finding the whole thing amusing as I re-lived Phoebe's reactions to Cheryl Fernandez-Versini, Ant and Dec, and even David Beckham this time last year.
"And didn't we play spot the famous person?" She laughed, taking a sip of her drink; "This is absolutely mental, I feel like I'm in some sort of déjà vu..."
"I wonder who's sitting with us? Our table seems very empty, don't you think?" I grinned at her, my eyes scanning the room carefully.
Truthfully, my heart was racing because I knew it was going to be any second now that Harry was going to turn up with Louis, Niall, and Liam; and the six of us would be sat around the table, acting as if we were meeting each other for the first time.
"I'm pretty sure Ant and Dec were sitting right over there," Phoebe said, "And weren't you too scared to ask them for a photo?"
I laughed, nodding in response to her as I took another sip of my drink.
"I was yeah, and it was pretty much after that-" I paused, stopping as my eye caught movement from the corner of the room; "Oh my God."
"What?" Phoebe said, looking around and dipping to my eye line as she looked over her shoulder.
I was flummoxed, watching Anne, Robin, Des, Jo, Gemma, Michal, Ryan, Molly, Savannah, Charlie, Terri-Ann, Dani, Sam, Alex, and baby Isabelle walk through the doors, closely followed by Liam, Callum, Louis, Freddie and finally, Niall.
I tried to stop myself from hyperventilating and everything, but the truth was, I couldn't stop panicking (in a good, safe way) because I wasn't expecting any of them to walk through those doors... and even though Phoebe and I had sat in an empty hall for the last couple of minutes, I was confused and wondered why our family and friends were here... and why Phoebe was now smiling at me like an idiot.
"This is where I leave you," she whispered, "We're not... entirely acting out the whole night, but I'm sure you can guess what happens next."
"Phoebe..." I whispered.
My entire body was literally shaking.
"Relax. Stop worrying." she smiled at me, "Now, let me just check your make-up and hair..."
"What's going on?" I asked shakily, "Why is everybody here? What the hell am I missing here?!" I whispered at her, yet all she did was grab me by the arms and forced me to take a deep breath.
"Stop. Worrying." she instructed, "Now do me a favour, and turn around." she smiled at me, "And don't ever look back."
I frowned, yet she hushed me and picked up at her dress, rushing over towards where everybody was standing by the bar.
"Hello." a deep, low English accent came behind me.
I froze at the sound of his voice, the familiar thudding of my heart getting faster as his presence alone sent me into a volcanic state of emotions.
I paused, willing and urging myself to turn around on the spot, and the second I did, and I laid my eyes on him, I began stammering like an idiot... just like I had this time last year.
He was wearing the same skinny jeans, the same gorgeous silk shirt that was hanging off his broad and very tall, lean body, and Christ alive he was also wearing the same silk tie around his neck, making it blatantly obvious that his chest and tie were peeking through the openness of his shirt.
He had the whole outfit down to a tee, looking like the mirror image of the person I met this time last year.
"Hi, I'm Harry." he said slowly, "Haven't we met before? You look familiar... someone I know." he said nervously, and I couldn't help but grin, laughing into the palm of my hand; "I don't believe I quite caught your name?"
I remembered exactly how I felt at this moment in time, coming face to face with a mega rich, mega charismatic and mega handsome pop star sitting beside me, his mates doing the round as they hugged and shook hands with random people across the room.
I remembered that his eyes were firmly on me, his hand twisting around the glass that was filled with water as he requested from the waiter, and I remembered finding myself relaxing at his charm.
I didn't act like Phoebe had when she first saw Liam, but I remembered that Harry had made me feel giddy inside, and even one year on, he still had the power to make me feel giddy.
He possessed this magnetic quality and now that I was looking at him, remembering all the tiny little details of how I fell in love with him, I remembered thinking that as I stared at his face, it was like looking into the face of a lighthouse.
He was still as bright, wide eyed and incredibly charming... and the way he was looking at me right now made me feel incredibly nervous.
"Isabelle," I smiled finally at him, "My name's Isabelle."
"It's very nice to meet you, Isabelle." Harry replied, a soft smile appearing on his face.
"It's very nice to meet you too, Harry."
"So, what brings you here?" he abruptly asked me, interrupting my thoughts.
I turned and saw Harry staring at me, a knowing smirk across his face as his fingers gently stroked the corners of his chin.
"I'm not quite sure..." I replied truthfully, "Actually, I'm just a little lost and confused as to why they're all here... when I was under the impression that we would be spending the day and night together."
"We will," Harry promised, "But there's something I have to do first... and I wanted our friends and family to be present for it, to watch the next step happen in our relationship as this was the place that made us take the first, official step."
"I-"
"You don't have to say anything, just listen babe. That's all you've got to do... I have quite a lot to say, so I believe we'll be here for a while." Harry whispered, licking his lips nervously; "I remember, being sat on this exact table, trying to make a conversation with you... offering you alcohol to get us through while you decided whether to tell me why you were here... and then you told me, just blurted it out as if it were nothing. Cancer, you said."
"I remember you feeling guilty and apologising," I said softly, "And me biting your head off because I didn't want you feeling sorry for me."
Harry grinned, "I vaguely remember you telling me that it wasn't my fault, so I shouldn't have to say sorry... and that it was rather insulting that I felt sorry for you."
"I was... a little hothead, back then."
"You still are." he smiled, "But it's one of the reasons why I love you, Izzy. I love your fiery temper, even if it drives me crazy sometimes. I also remember saying that I didn't feel sorry for you, and I apologised for putting you on the spot like that... the last thing I expected to come out of your mouth was that you had cancer."
"I didn't want to be seen as the cancer girl," I shrugged, licking my lip slowly; "But you never, not once, saw me as that girl... you saw me for me."
"Just as you saw me for me." Harry replied, a small smile appearing on his face; "We learned a lot about each other in such a short space of time one year ago today..."
I stared at him, our eyes locked on one another as I licked my lips and dragged my tooth over my bottom one, wanting to feel something as the sound of an acoustic guitar began to play softly in the background.
I twisted, turning around to see if Niall was playing, but I was surprised to see what he wasn't... and it was the opening track of a song that I loved and obsessed over; and put it down as mine and Harry's song.
Say the words I cannot say, say them on another day... fragile words like these will cut your tongue.
I cracked, pausing as I heard Tyson Ritter's beautiful voice echoing through the speaker.
"I, uh... just liked the fact that for the first time in weeks, I wasn't the cancer girl. You didn't look at me like I was ill or anything... you just saw me. And I liked that."
"And I liked the fact that you didn't look at me as some sort of famous person, or as Harry in One Direction... we just saw each other that night."
Was I good enough, was I bad enough... when I wanted more, yeah, you had enough...?
"And then you had to spoil it and ask me if I was terminal." I smirked at him, "I know, I know you said for me to just listen... but you're not the only one who has something to say, Harry."
"I think it's going great so far." he said lowly, "Although, looking back, I made myself look like a bit of a prat by saying I get too attached quickly... I'm surprised you didn't run for the bloody hills." he laughed, "And then you asked me if I was hitting on you, and I blatantly had to lie- because I wanted you from the very second I laid my eyes on you."
But nobody's gonna try for you, nobody's gonna do like I for you.
I blushed, knowing our little gathering of friends and family were just metres away from us both and the music playing was making me emotional, thinking of every little second that I had spent with Harry and how we were all together on our first anniversary.
It would have been better of course if mum, dad, Gran, and Oscar were here, but I knew they were with us in spirit.
"Just like right now, but instead, I know for a fact, that I want you for life... for keeps." Harry added softly, as I noticed immediately how the Adam's apple in his throat bobbed up and down as he swallowed.
There was something endearing about the way he did it, especially as his eyes were still on me.
And every slow-lit cigarette that nervous hands can barely get the courage; I could always feel your eyes...
"I've been thinking this over for some time, going over and over inside of my head, and trying to figure out how I could ask you what is the most important question in my life probably... the most important thing to know, is that I love you and I've considered you to be my one and only since we met at this exact spot, one year ago today." Harry said slowly, "And I could give you a list of all the reasons that make me want to you, but I'd rather spend the rest of my life telling you instead... I want to spend the rest of my life with you Izzy, and this place, right here, was the perfect place and time to do that."
And those dresses you made look like gowns, you're a sinner but the devil even turned you down...
I stood, nervously, and tearfully, as the realisation of what Harry was doing suddenly dawned on me.
"You're my favourite person in the world, and until the day we met, I had no idea of the capacity of love that resided within me. You consumed me from the minute I sat beside you at this very table, from the minute you looked at me and told me that this was your bloody table... that me and my mates were mistaken. From that moment on, my world exploded and became entirely magical. I wanted to know more about the girl... and even though you made me fight, it was a battle worth fighting for."
I watched, my heart stopping for a moment, my eyes going wide.
There was no way.
"I, uh..." Harry croaked, to which he cleared his throat and fumbled deep inside his pocket; "Sorry... I guess I'm nervous... I wanted this to be perfect, and-"
"Harry..." I whispered breathlessly, "Harry... What, what are you doing?"
Now it all made sense, all of it... why I was here, the secrecy, why our family and friends were here.
Phoebs was right, I really wasn't the sharpest tool in the box, was I?
Cause, nobody's gonna try for you, nobody's gonna do like I for you.
This couldn't be real, it couldn't be.
I was dreaming, I was sure of it.
I had dreamed of this moment so many times since he had asked me in the shower after Gran had died, since it apparently slipped out and he planned on asking me in LA after his dad's wedding.
I had dreamed of this exact moment happening, and I was positive I was dreaming of it again until I felt my left hand getting squeezed lightly in his own shaky hand.
I watched, as Harry moved, very slowly, sliding onto one knee, gasps and soft cries of happiness exploding quietly in the corner from Phoebe, Gemma, and Anne.
And Charlie.
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
"Izzy, we've faced both dark and light together, but I have never gone a day without loving you... I've never loved anyone as much as I love you, and I can't imagine my life without you. I want to grow old with you, continue to drive you crazy, have stupid fights over insignificant things, I want to be yours, forever. We have so many memories together already and I want to continue creating more for the rest of our lives... when I'm with you, I feel complete."
"Harry-" I whispered, my eyes becoming mistier as I felt the tears literally roll down my face.
And nobody's gonna try for you, and nobody's gonna lie for you and nobody's gonna do like I for you...
"I'm so in love with you, Izzy." he interrupted, talking quietly over the music that was slowly breaking me apart; "After meeting you one year ago at this exact spot, even though you were taken, I knew I had to do everything in my power to keep you around. You weren't a typical girl, you still aren't... as we got to know each other, I could see that you had a huge heart, and that your family and friends were extremely important to you- and that's one of the reasons why I love you so much, because my family, our family, is important."
I tightened the grip on his hand, holding my breath as he continued to talk.
"Izzy, since we met, we've been on one hell of a roller-coaster... but there's no-one in the world I would rather ride it with than you. Even though we will never be able to get completely rid of the ups and downs completely, you've been my cushion to help smooth out the hard times and enhance the good ones... and I hope, in return, I have been yours."
"You have, more than you know-" I cried helplessly.
My heart was literally bursting with love for him.
"You've given me a reason to succeed, a reason to better myself, a reason to build and keep relationships. You are my world, you are my best friend, the one person I can't imagine living without, the absolute love of my life, my soul mate... I don't know how much more I can say, but I want to grow old with you, I want to build an even better life with you, I want you to be the mother of my children if and when we are lucky enough, I want to kiss you every day, wake up beside you every day, I want to be that guy who everyone talks about, wondering why he's so bloody happy all the time..."
Hold me like you never could, I'll hold you like I said I would, air or light won't breathe nor shine between...
"Harry..." I whispered, reminding myself that I had to breathe.
"I love you with all my heart, Izzy. We've been together for a year now, and it's been the best year of my life, and everyday my love for you grows more and more. You are a beautiful and caring person and you have always been there for me, my family adores you and I cannot imagine my life without you in it... baby, I fell in love with you the day I saw you. You complete me in every way. I want to share every moment of my life with you..."
Oh God, he's really doing it!
He's proposing, officially.
"I know life hasn't always treated you greatly, Izzy." he added, referring to the last twenty-two years of my life, and I tried hard not to let go and sob right there, "But I want you to know, that for the rest of our lives, I'll be there right beside you and battling life's crappy deals right with you."
My stomach was swirling, my heartbeat was racing, my blood was burning, my brain was whizzing, my breathing was erratic, and my body was trembling.
With your feather lips, yeah you fly away... well I hope they come back down someday...
"I've had the absolute pleasure being your best friend, watching you grow from a girl to the most amazing, inspiring woman in my life, and I'll treasure you, forever. I love you because you always put me in my place when I need to be put in it and for never treating me differently because of who I am... your belief in me has never faltered and I want you to know that my belief in you gets stronger every single day."
"Harry-" I mouthed, just as he smiled nervously and bowed his head, getting his motions together because I could tell he was about to crack alongside me.
"You make my life so much better; you've made me into a better person and even a better man. I love and respect you more than you could possibly ever imagine, and with you right by my side, I'll grow even further and as they say, behind every great man is a greater woman- and I know I've got mine. Those are just a few of the reasons that will make you, hopefully, spend the rest of your life with me- because we make one hell of a team, and I love you to the stars and back... forever and always."
I couldn't hold back this time; the tears were rolling down my face.
He's really doing it... good God, he's really doing it!!
I watched how he paused himself, before pulling out a small teal box that had Gemma literally squirming on the spot.
Cause, nobody's gonna try for you, nobody's gonna do like I for you...
My eyes were glued on him as he opened the box and presented it towards me, the box sitting pretty in his hand that had once occupied my left hand- both of my hands were now stitched to my open mouth, as I stared at the beautiful ring that sat inside it.
"So," Harry whispered nervously, "Here, in front our family and friends, I'm asking you... after gaining permission from both your Gran and your brother, can we spend the rest of our lives together? Can you love me, even when I make you crazy, and I do stupid things? Can you stay with me? Forever? 'Cos that's really all I want in the whole world."
I took a deep breath.
Somebody's getting by for you, I don't bend, I just break in two...
"I just know that if I lost every other thing, every penny, everything that I own, even my own breath out of my lungs and my heart out of my chest, if I had you there for that last gasp of air I breathe... if I have you beside me every moment for the rest of eternity... I'll be happy. I just want to keep you safe and make you happy. Every day. Can I do that for you?"
I looked at him shell shocked, trying to function what he was saying to me.
"The story of our love is just the beginning... we have so much to do, so much to accomplish and so much more memories to make, babe. My life will never be complete without you beside me to share it, and I promise you Iz, in front of all our family and friends, that no one will work harder to make you happy or cherish you more than me... life offers us many challenges, God knows you've faced plenty of them... but I know if there's more, we can meet them and face them together. When we met, one year ago today, I knew I'd met my match... you deserve the very best, someone who will back you up without limits, let you grow without borders, and love you without no end. We're worth it, aren't we Iz?" he asked nervously, as I nodded tearfully; "So, Isabelle Marie Thomas... after stealing my heart, will you at least return the favour and steal my surname? Will you do me the absolute honour of marrying me?"
Somebody like me, I'd die for you...
I couldn't even get my words out, I couldn't even give a simple "yes", and settled with nodding uncontrollably, just as he stood and picked me up finally, wrapping his arms around me as the music finished playing.
I wrapped my own arms around him, my head huddled directly into his shoulder as his own suddenly wrapped themselves around my waist, pulling me in even further as I suddenly remembered that everyone was screaming and clapping loudly behind us.
I pulled back, wiping my face, just as Harry stood back slightly and took the ring out of the box.
I was trembling at this point, my entire body shaking with adrenaline and nerves as he held my hand still, before placing the ring perfectly and snugly on my finger.
There sat, the ring that symbolised everything that we had promised each other- and would continue to promise each other for the years to come.
"Yes?" he repeated, "You'll marry me?"
"Yes, yes, yes, yes.... yes!" I cried happily, my breath hitching deep in my throat; "Of course I'll marry you-" I broke through, making no effort to stop or hide my tears.
"I love you. So much." Harry whispered, his own perfect, beautiful face soaked with tears, kissing me through my own.
"I love you. Too much." I said tearfully.
"I can't believe you said yes." he chuckled deeply, "The nightmares I have had over this..."
"Well technically, I already said yes..." I smiled, "And I'll say yes every single time."
"Are you really going to marry me?"
I nodded, kissing him softly, my fingers buried in his hair.
"I love the fact that I get to call you my husband one day, but most of all, I just love you... I am completely, endlessly, utterly, and irrevocably in love with you, Harry... and I can't wait to fall in love with you for the next sixty years and more."
"Just the sixty?" he asked me, and I giggled, using the palm of my hands to wipe my face; "I have just one more thing to add to that..."
"Yeah?" I sniffed, "God, I'm an absolute mess..."
"A beautiful mess..." he murmured, "It's that one day, I love the fact that I get to call you Styles... not Thomas."
I smiled tearfully, unable to not hide it; "I love you, Harry."
"I love you too, baby. So much."