I froze, staring at the intercom.
Ashes... into Glass?
But that would mean...
"Hello? Miss?" came the voice again, "Did you get that? The company is Ashes into Glass, I'm a representative-"
I couldn't say or do anything, I was completely frozen on the spot; yet my mind was the only thing that was actually doing anything- thinking.
It was too early, wasn't it?
Didn't the lady say when the idea was pitched to us after the miscarriage that it would take up to six weeks for the rings to be designed and sent back to us?
"We heard you." came Harry's response, his hand hovering over mine on the intercom; "Come on in, mate." he added gently, switching to the button to buzz the delivery guy through the main gate.
I was still frozen on the spot, staring at a weird mark on the wall that brought me the reminder of the last time Harry and I was in this hallway together, when we were caught by his mother.
That seemed like a distant memory and such a long time ago now.
"Izzy?"
I turned, catching Harry's gaze as he moved closer towards me.
"Baby, it's okay."
I shook my head, my emotions immediately getting the better of me.
"It's not okay, Harry. He's home... Oscar's home early Harry and I'm not ready, I'm not even remotely ready and I don't think I can-"
"Hey, hey... we don't have to open them up just yet if you don't want too, Iz." Harry whispered, "Just breathe for me babe, okay? We'll just sign for the box and leave it at that, if you want too."
"I can't keep my baby in a box-"
"Then we'll figure it out once the delivery guy leaves, okay?"
The delivery guy.
The delivery guy knows where we live... and he knows Harry lives here, that this is his address.
He knows the box, which quite clearly gives the game away that it contains something with ashes, is addressed to Harry.
"Izzy, what's wrong?"
"He knows where the delivery has come from-" I whispered, as panic literally rode through my veins; "And he knows who you are, where you live... what if he blabs? What if he goes to the press and tells them what he delivered? Harry-"
"Isabelle." He said firmly, his hands now literally wrapped around my upper arms, holding me still; "He will not blab. I promise."
I shook my head tearfully.
"You can't promise me that, you know of all people how awful people can be Harry-"
"I did just promise you, and I will again. He won't say a word, it's more than his job's worth and it will look bad on the company if they broke confidentiality- and I'll sue them halfway to next fucking Sunday if they so much as breathe a word. But they won't. Alright?"
He was right, of course he was.
There were confidentiality laws and agreements in place for things such as this... they would be breaking the law, wouldn't they?
"Alright?" Harry said out loud again, his hands now stroking my arms.
I nodded, feeling my body shake as he clutched my neck and kissed my forehead softly, bringing my body towards his.
"I didn't even think about that... Confidentiality and all that." I mumbled, "Shit, I'm not even ready- and I had it all set out in my head how I wanted to do this, to welcome him back home to us properly-"
"Izzy, you don't need to do anything baby."
"I don't even look presentable, Harry!"
I was flapping, and I was snapping at him because I had been thrown off guard by this, I knew that, but only because I wasn't prepared for any of this.
"You look beautiful, darling... and he loves you just the way you are, just like I do. Oscar doesn't care what you look like, you're his... mummy. He doesn't care." Harry mumbled against the skin on my temple; "He loves you regardless."
His words hit right through me, striking me down effortlessly.
"I know this is hard... but think of it this way, when we do eventually try again, having kids will put us totally out of sync anyway... we won't have time to plan things or get ready the way we want too, so Oscar's arrival and turning up out of the blue like this is getting us prepared."
I smirked, nervously, feeling the tears trickle and burn in the corner of my eyes.
"Harry-"
"Mm?"
"He's here... He's finally home. Our baby's home."
"And that's a good thing, Izzy." He murmured, his hand now stroking through my hair; "We can finally be reunited with him, in our own little way. Just like we wanted, yeah?"
I nodded, just as Harry pressed his lips against my temple again as the door suddenly knocked a couple of times.
I tensed, as Harry's chest went hard against me, the both of us frozen on the spot in the middle of the hall way.
"You have to sign for him, Harry."
"I know." He swallowed, "I... just need a second."
I didn't look at him, for fear that he would break in front of me and that I would break in front of him.
The news that Oscar was already here in ring form had shaken me to my core already, and I wasn't ready to see Harry's reaction just yet.
In fact, I don't think either of us were even remotely ready for anything.
"I'll go get the door." Harry suddenly announced, "Stay here." He instructed, and I didn't dare argue.
I stayed exactly where I was, holding and hugging myself as my back hit against the wall of the hall way.
I watched, mostly in amazement, as Harry pulled himself together momentarily, before unlocking the door and pulling it open.
There, on the other side of our front door, stood the man that was holding our baby boy.
The man who delivered him back to us personally, in ring form.
"Hi," he smiled politely, "I'm Tom. I have your order here sir, from Ashes into Glass."
"Hi Tom, come on in." Harry offered.
"Thank you," Tom said, stepping in swiftly over the threshold before he locked eyes with me; "Hi, Miss."
I smiled back politely, trying my hardest to not let my emotions get the better of me.
But there was no hiding it, not ever.
"I just have some paperwork for you to sign as it's a recorded delivery process, and then I'll be off. Is there somewhere I can put down the-"
"Can I... hold-" I began, interrupting Tom gradually, feeling Harry's eyes burn into me; "-can I hold the box, please?"
"Sure." Tom smiled, "Here you go." He replied, as he gently handed over the box to me.
Straight to the touch, like a lightening bolt through my fingers, I gasped quietly and held the box tightly like my life depended on it.
"I'm so very sorry for your loss," Tom said quietly, "As a delivery guy, I don't know the contents on any of my deliveries, but it gives me pleasure coming to people such as yourselves and handing back something that is obviously so precious to them. It makes my job completely worthwhile."
I wiped my face furiously.
Now I felt bad after thinking the worst of him.
"I hope you can find peace now that you're reunited with whomever it is that you've lost." Tom said, "Mr Styles-"
"Call me Harry, Tom. Please."
"Harry," Tom corrected himself, "If I could ask you to sign here, as the delivery is in your name, that would be brilliant sir, thank you."
I stared at the box, seeing Harry's name glare back at me in black and white; along with the description of "handle with care" emblazoned on the front.
My palm directly pressed against the top lid of the box, my heart began to slow down after the race it had put itself through.
My eyes were firmly glued on the delivery box, knowing what the contents were inside as Harry signed for our boy to be returned to us in the form of the beautiful rings we had chosen.
"On behalf of the company, we give you our deepest condolences and if there is anything we can do furthermore with regards to your purchase, please don't hesitate to contact us on the number provided inside the box."
"Thank you, Tom." Harry replied, holding his hand out firmly so he could shake Tom's.
I stared at the two of them, an overwhelming feeling of love for my son and the man I loved, and gratitude towards the man that brought him back to me, filling me up quickly.
"Tom?"
"Yes, Miss?"
I stared at him, taking a good look at the boy who couldn't have been more than my age.
He genuinely seemed like a people person, and that's when I started to relax a little bit.
He seemed to really love his job, and I felt grateful that my baby had his last final journey with a gentleman such as Tom, before being returned to us.
So I knew I was doing the right thing, and I was positive that Harry would agree once he had heard what I had to say.
"What's inside this box, is very, very precious to me... and Harry." I stammered nervously, "Thank you, so very much for taking care of our son. You were the last person he was with before coming back to us. Thank you for keeping him safe and for looking after him for us, I'll never forget what you've done by bringing him back to us safely, thank you."
Feeling Harry's arm tighten around my waist, his hand now gripping at my hip supportively, Tom simply smiled back in response and tilted his hat, his own eyes brimming with tears.
"You're very welcome, Miss. Just doing my job."
"You went above and over your job, Tom. So thank you." Harry said slowly, "I'll see you out, yeah?"
Tom nodded, yet just before he left, I felt his presence beside me, his hand taking my own.
"Take care, Miss." He whispered, and I smiled at him gratefully, before he shook Harry's hand once again and was lead out.
Hearing the door slam shut, and Harry locking it behind me, I continued to stare at the box as I suddenly felt him near me.
"What would you like to do now?"
"I don't know." I whispered, "You?"
"Me neither."
"It's weird, but... I don't want to open the box because it'll make it all the more real, but at the same time- I don't want to take my eyes off it."
"He's home, Izzy. And he's safe here. We don't have to open it yet if you don't want to, we can do whatever you want to do-"
"What do you want to do?"
"It's not about me."
"It is." I whispered, "This is about you, just as much as it's about me, Harry."
He stood awkwardly for a second, his body language dripping blatantly of what he truly wanted.
"I feel like," he started, "I feel like if I had my ring, it'll make my grieving process a bit better. Like I have him finally with me... for me. Personally."
"Then we'll open yours." I said, yet Harry shook his head.
"No. If you don't want yours yet, then I can wait-"
"But you want your ring-"
"I can wait, Izzy." Harry murmured softly, "I don't want to upset you if I have mine, especially if you're not ready. I'll wait."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive." He confirmed, "Do you want something to eat? C'mon, I'm sure we can whack something up quickly. I have to eat before I go to the studio, anyway."
I looked up surprised, "You're going to the studio?"
"Yeah... that's not a problem is it?" He asked nervously, "I mean, I just have some bits to do and-"
"Solo stuff?" I interrupted him, my eyes as wide as saucers, "Sorry. I'm jumping again aren't I? Is it, solo stuff?"
"Not exactly." Harry replied, "But it could be? I just need some studio time... thought while I'm doing that, you could get on with planning Phoebe's hen party."
Right. Yeah.
I nodded, "Of course..."
"But if you don't want me to go, I won't. We weren't expecting this to happen, were we...?"
I shook my head, "No, it's fine. You go, Harry. It's your... job, it's what you do best."
"Okay, baby." He said non-committedly; "Let's go get something to eat."
***
I stared at my laptop screen, the cursor literally pissing me off as it blinked repeatedly right before my very eyes.
Right above it, were the bold letters:
Who to invite?
I knew this was going to a nightmare before I even started!
I mean, thankfully, before Callum was born, Phoebe actually had the sense to send me a guest list, which gave me a sense of direction of where she wanted this to go exactly.
What if her great auntie Beryl didn't like her old supervisor Janine, from work?
Or what if there was the old school friend that no one but the bride could stand?
What if Phoebe's mum didn't like our choice and my final say on the guest list?
Men have it so much easier than women, all they have to do to arrange a stag do is make sure there's loads of beer, women with huge breasts and a brilliant load of banter- sorted.
But for women, it's so much more tougher because it was more personal and intimate- because this is something that Phoebe was going to remember for the rest of her life.
And since I was the Maid of Honour, I had a hell of a lot of pressure on my shoulders to make sure that I got this absolutely just right.
First things first, I needed to make sure that I remembered not to stress and strain myself while hen party planning, because the main focus of this whole entire night was to have a special party that we could all remember and look back on in years to come.
And then there was the guest list, so if people were going to clash, what if we split the day into two parts?
That way, the tranquil safe spa day will be ideal for the mother in laws and party prudes; while the evening would be perfect for the party animals.
I honestly couldn't see us planning two separate hen parties to keep people happy, so basically it was either join in or jog on, because there was nothing worse than having one or two people that won't join in with the fun or worse, ruin it for Phoebe and everyone else involved.
Even though I hadn't even planned a thing yet, I already knew what I was going to be doing the morning after the hen night.
We were going to literally recall the night before, and award the party goers with 'best quote of the night', 'best dancer of the night', 'best costume' etc to keep the party spirits high before the headaches actually began to kick in.
Actually, I had in fact planned on ordering a pre-prepared hangover pack for Phoebe- painkillers, multi-vitamins, plasters for sore feet, sunglasses for tired eyes- now that's a top Maid of Honour, right?
I grinned to myself, switching over to a new window to start searching for more tips and ideas on how to plan the most stressful weekend of my life- and I wasn't even the one getting married!
Clicking on the website www.howtoplanahenparty.com, I scrolled through to the step by step guide, and began reading each step on how I could make this the best hen party I ever could.
Step by Step Guide
Step One:
Ask the Bride to be what she wants!
Sounds simple but so many people forget who the hen party is for and start planning what they want instead.
Imagine if the bride wants a relaxing spa day with a few close friends and family and you start planning a weekend away to Ibiza with everyone she's never met.
Step Two:
Get together a guest list.
When discussing with the bride her ideas for the party get her to write down a guest list.
Make sure you understand who the most important attendees are. It is highly unlikely you will be able to find a date to suit everybody and it will be more important to the Bride that certain guests are there over others.
For example a sister would usually come above a work colleague. But this is something only the Bride will know so its vital to ask her.
Step Three:
Find a date!
As a general rule, the more in advance you pick the date the better.
More people are likely to attend if they're given enough notice. It also means that the excuse "I haven't got enough money" won't be an issue as they are given time to save up.
Just discuss with the Bride what dates work for her and go from there. Try and leave the meeting with at least 3 alternative date choices.
If you want to go away for the hen party you need to remember to factor in peoples jobs.
For example if anyone is a teacher will they be able to go outside of the school holidays?
Step Four:
Planning!
After you have talked things through with the Bride to be you should have enough information to crack on with the planning her a night to remember.
If most of the guests are on Facebook it is a good idea to start a group so everyone can be kept up with the planning.
If anyone isn't on Facebook then make sure you keep them posted via text/email so they don't feel left out.
If any guests feel excluded it may make them not want to attend the party.
Step Five:
Arguments!
This is where things start to become tricky. You can guarantee that as soon as you start suggesting dates and ideas that people will begin causing problems. It is important to remember you can't please everybody and to try and work through the problems as best you can. Don't get frustrated and stay calm when dealing with difficult guests. For example if someone is insisting the date is change because they are working maybe ask if they have considered swapping shifts with a colleague or simply attending the hen night after they finish work.
Step Six:
Budget!
This is another area where you get to see the true colours of a the brides friends and family.
One of the easiest ways to avoid arguments is by separating the hen party into several sections.
Such as:
* Daytime Activity - e.g. Spa trips, theme parks etc.
* Evening Activity - Going for a meal.
* Night Activity - Night out in pubs/clubs.
This way you are offering the guests a chance to explain what they can/want to go to. So if they attend the whole day it may cost £100 yet if they just come for the meal and night out it maybe more like £40. This is also an excellent way to address the "do I invite the mother of the bride to the hen party?" As they could just attend the spa and evening meal but can be at home before the drunken party times begin.
However don't let people use this as an excuse to not attend the costly parts of the party. Just remind them it's important to the bride and it's what she wants. However if they really can't afford it then it's better for them to attend some parts rather than not at all.
Step Seven:
Theme!
This again is something that the Bride needs to be happy with. Are they the kind of person who shies away from attention or do they adore the spotlight? If they hate the idea of people looking at them then it's probably best to go for a more elegant and relaxed theme. Rather than splashing out on all the pink accessories and blow up men you can find. Check the themes tab at the top of the site for inspiration.
Common Dilemmas and questions:
Should the mums be at the Hen Do?
This really depends on the Bride. If she can't think of anything worse than her friends and her mother socialising then it's probably not a good idea for them to be invited. It is likely all her friends are expecting a night filled with drinking and embarrassing stories. Will she really want her mother in law to hear the juicy gossip about her past? However some people can't imagine their hen party without their mum being there. So it really is down to personal preference. Most brides tend to invite mums and aunties to the more civilized part of the night - such as a nice meal or spa day.
How much will it cost?
With the average hen party costing each guest well over £100 you can see why this is a highly debated topic. As a general rule the more money you want people to spend the fewer guests who will attend. Would you prefer to do what you want but there are less people? Or would you prefer to cut back a bit and have everyone there? A weekend away to Barcelona costs approximately £250 per hen for the flights and accommodation.
Guests who won't pay to go
There will always be difficult guests who moan that they can't afford to go. You won't be able to please everyone with your choice so try and not let it affect you too much. People are more likely to attend if it seems like you are trying to get good deals and compromising with prices. You could try and cut back on one or two things to make it cheaper so they would be more likely to attend. For example if you are planning on taking a Limo on a night out then switching it to a normal taxi may save each hen £30. Although a taxi won't be as special as a limo you could get creative and "Pimp" it out with balloons and photos.
You will still have an amazing time no matter how you choose to arrive!
What to do about out of town guests?
It's likely that the Bride is going to know people who don't live locally. This can be difficult if the chief bridesmaid planning the party doesn't know the person. Be helpful to them and suggest hotels which would be near to where you are going. If they're worried about the cost you could always invite them to stay at your place after the party. Although this seems a bit odd now after you've spent the day partying and swopping stories you'll feel like old friends. Plus they'll feel more inclined to come if its shown that they are really wanted there. The harder you make it for the guests to say no the less likely people are to let you down last minute.
Pay for the bride?
As a standard rule it is expected that the Bride doesn't pay for things on her hen party. Imagine if someone was planning your hen night then asked you for £100. It just takes away for the night being special for the Bride. So when workings out how much it costs make sure you include the brides cost. So if there are 12 of you going in total you should split the cost between 11.
Hiring a Stripper?
If you are planning on hiring a stripper make sure the bride WOULD enjoy it!
If you're not sure it's probably now worth the risk. Also this will bump up the bill for the hens to pay so check with them before deciding if it's worth it.
Fuck, my head was spinning with information.
Hearing my phone vibrating beside me, I absent-mindedly picked it up, not even bothering to look at the screen as I answered it.
"Hello?" I huffed, the palm of my hand rubbing excessively against the ache in my forehead.
"Hey baby, you sound, annoyed? Everything okay?" came Harry's voice, "You sound stressed, Iz."
"I am stressed," I sighed, "Just researching websites and trying to figure out where the hell to start with this whole hen party thing. I've never done one before, how can I plan one of these things? There's so much information to take in Harry and-"
"You can do it, Izzy." He interrupted, "Once you've set your mind to something, you can do it. I believe in you."
I smiled gently, my heart warming at his words.
"You always know the right things to say, Harry."
"Why don't you take a break? You don't want to drive yourself too crazy either, so take a break from it."
"I've already put it off so much already Harry, and at this rate she'll have no hen party at all if I don't get a move on. No, I have to carry on." I sighed, "Anyway, how's the studio? Did you manage to do anything?" I asked curiously, my mind still wondering if he was penning any solo tracks for potential solo material.
I mean, it was in his blood, his DNA, and if that's what he wanted to do after One Direction, then I wanted him to know he had my full support whole heartedly.
I knew that he wrote in his journey books, but this was different.
I was just worried that Niall's attack on him the other day had fatally wounded him emotionally when his confidence had already taken a knock, so he really didn't need to lose his confidence in his livelihood either.
"Studio is great babe, just hanging out right now. Wrote a couple of verses and choruses, it's great getting creative again. I missed it." He admitted.
I smiled happily.
"It's what you do best, Harry. It's what you're good at, of course you missed it. Y'know, we've discussed this before... but if it was something you wanted to look into, you know you have my full support don't you?"
"Yeah, I know Iz. Truth is, I haven't quite decided what I want to do yet. Which reminds me, we need to talk. Tonight."
"Oh?" I said, my back straightening; "What about?"
"I don't want to talk about it on the phone, but seeing as Jeff is here now, I don't see why not."
"Jeff?" I said, blinking repeatedly, "Jeff is at the studio with you?"
"Yeah." Harry said, "And we've been talking, about my future."
"Okay." I replied, not liking the tone of his voice at all; "Talking about what exactly?"
"Well, he sort of mentioned that once the band is finished with before Christmas with our last performance at X Factor; I should perhaps look into moving out of Modest- for good."
I literally felt my stomach drop.
"But what would mean-"
"No longer being tied to the One Direction management, nothing."
"Why would he suggest that?" I breezily asked, even though I already knew the answer.
It was screaming at me right in the face.
"Because he wants me to sign with him, Iz." He said slowly, the drawl in his voice dragging every word between his lips.
"But Jeff's based in LA, that would mean-" I stammered, yet Harry cut across me.
"I haven't properly discussed it yet, but I told him that I had to at least discuss it with you first."
My heart literally sank.
"Jeff being Jeff, he didn't quite understand that, said that it was my career and I had to strike fast while the iron was still hot..." Harry explained, "But I made it abundantly clear that you're pretty much like my wife now and I have to talk things through with you first before deciding on anything. Besides, I promised you a few things first... like taking you back to Italy, and a trip to LA..."
I didn't know what to say, really.
I mean, I was touched, like really touched that he thought that much of me that he would refer to me as his wife, but the fact that Jeff was trying to drag Harry away from the UK and into US soil didn't sit well with me.
What would that mean for us?
Would I have to relocate too?
I'd only just relocated and got used to switching from Wales to London; and that was traumatic enough- not to mention that I had since found out I had a twin brother, and then Oscar, and of course college.
Why would Jeff want Harry on US soil?
I knew from the offset as soon as I got involved with Harry, that there would be moments like this to discuss and sort out with regards to his career, but I just felt like there was too much going on right now.
And what about the boys?
If Harry signed with Jeff after his contract with Modest ended this December, what would they think?
Niall's words would ring true, because in their eyes, he was signing with a different management that would now be in control of his solo career- and that gave me an uneasy feeling.
"Kenny, would you mind passing me-" Harry trailed off, as my mind wondered off effortlessly about everything he had told me so far.
"Kenny?" I said out loud, "Is Julian not there today with you?"
"Julian? Yeah babe, just me at the minute though. He's popped out for a bit."
"Who's Kenny? Don't think I've had the pleasure of meeting him yet." I said, "Is he helping you write or something? A new songwriter to the team?"
"Um, not exactly." Harry replied awkwardly, "Kenny is a girl, Iz."
"A girl?" I remarked hotly, "Then why are you calling her Kenny?" I asked, frowning deeply.
"Because that's her name..." He said slowly, "Well, nickname actually. I call her that because it annoys her."
My heart was racing, and not in a good way.
For the first time in my life, I felt extreme fear when it came to Harry and his exes, and it made me feel sick with nerves.
There was only one person that he would call that- and it made my skin crawl.
"Kenny... as in Kendall?"
"Yeah." Harry replied nonchalantly, "She's in London, so stopped by to say hi. We've been hanging out, at the studio-"
And was this whole entire thing planned? I wanted to scream at him.
The sudden need to go to the studio, which was completely out of the blue... had this always been the plan?
To meet up with her, his ex fucking girlfriend?
Actually, was she even that anyway?
"Izzy, you there?"
"So let me get this straight, you're in a studio, with Jeff... discussing your future plans with him about possibly signing with his management team... which means possibly relocating to the US; and you're also sat in a studio chilling with one of your ex fuck buddies?" I coolly said.
The line was silent.
"You see where I'm going with this, right Harry? You can see what I'm picturing here, can't you?"
"Iz, it's nothing... nothing like that."
"Nothing like that?" I repeated, slowly, "Okay, so I tell you what, I'm just gonna pop on the train back home to Wales and hang out with Dan for a bit, alright-"
"Why are you being like this? It's no big deal, I'm friends with most of my exes, Izzy- you know that."
"Oh so she's an ex now?" I questioned, "Funny, I thought she was just someone you messed around with when you were single. And how else do you expect me to be like, Harry?"
"Iz, stop it. There's no need to be jealous-"
"Jealous?" I retorted angrily, "Our son came home today in a fucking box that I couldn't even bare to open, and you escaped to the studio! There was me thinking it was just your way of coping, of needing to get away- but then I find out you're shacked up in the studio with one of your ex fuck buddies? Or ex girlfriend, whatever the fuck she is- do you have any idea how fucking insensitive you are being right now Harry?"
I will not cry, I will not cry.
"I'm not doing this over the phone, this is embarrassing- I'll speak to you later." He said quietly; "Don't wait up."
"Harry, don't you dare-"
Click.
I stared at my phone, my jaw slack wide with fury and shock, as Harry's call literally disappeared from my screen.
Had he... had he just hung up on me?