"You smell of bananas."
I jumped, feeling a pair of arms wrap themselves around me from behind.
Giggling, my head fell back and landed against his shoulder, my hand automatically digging into his hair as Harry nuzzled my neck playfully.
"Good morning to you too, you're in a good mood today?" I teased, pushing back away from the stove so I could welcome him properly; "You're all sweaty, Harry!" I whined, "And I've showered already! You stink!"
"Thanks, I love you too," he laughed, "And that's what tends to happen when you work out, love. You sweat and stink, badly."
I swatted his shoulder, loving the playfulness in his voice and body language.
"Did you enjoy your session?"
Harry nodded, "I did... guess you were right, after all."
I smirked, "Harry, I'm always right."
"Not always." he murmured, "I really missed you..."
I grinned, "Whatever Mark does to you in the gym, tell him to keep doing it if you come home to me like this."
Harry grinned, "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For coming up with the idea. I think it's really helping." he sheepishly replied, even though I could tell he didn't want to admit it; "It's really helping me, Izzy."
I smiled, actually, I think I was fucking beaming.
"Good. I'm glad that it is." I whispered, turning my head just a small notch to the left so I could kiss him.
"So... bananas?"
"New shower gel." I said amusingly, "Imperial Leather have a new selection going on, figured I'd buy some, doesn't it smell nice?"
"You do realise that bananas are like my favourite fruit of all time, don't you? I'm partial to a bit of kiwi now again, also."
I grinned, "Why do you think I bought it?"
"Is this your grand plan of capturing me and holding me ransom to get me into bed?"
"Is it working?"
"Totally."
I laughed, and I mean, I really laughed for what felt like the first time in weeks.
"You smell amazing, Iz... just wanna peel you out of these clothes like I would peel my banana."
"Okaaaaay, weirdo. You need a shower, and I need to get on with my work."
"I thought you weren't going into college today?"
"I'm not."
"So why are you doing work?"
"I'm not, I'm organising Phoebe's hen party." I replied slowly, "Figured I might as well keep busy, and this is a good distraction from everything. So I've got lots to do, lots to plan..."
"Oh okay," he said almost non-committedly.
"Did we have plans today?" I asked carefully, as he quickly shook his head; "Did you want to do something?" I added.
Harry hesitated, but then spoke with confidence.
Another thing that Mark was helping him work on was his confidence and opening up without being scared.
I swear, Mark was like a fairy godmother because the difference in Harry lately was astonishing.
"No, I just... I don't know, I figured that we could get something to eat and have some down time. Just you and me."
I was hopelessly and recklessly trying not to twist that into thinking that he was asking me for sex... or it was his way of putting it across, because that's what down time meant, right?
"Is that your way of asking me out on a date, Styles?" I sceptically asked, squinting my eyes playfully at him.
"Don't need to ask you out on a date, when I've already got you, Thomas."
"Cheeky shit." I grinned, "Are you buying?"
Harry nodded, his eyes lighting up as I took his hint.
"My treat."
I gazed at the laptop, and then at my sweaty boyfriend.
"Hmmm, what to do... Plan a drunken hen party or share a romantic dinner date with my sweaty ass boyfriend?"
"Rephrase that to sweaty ass, sexy boyfriend please." Harry remarked, as he began unpeeling a tangerine; "Going once, going twice..."
"Alright, I'll go to dinner with you!"
"Good." Harry smirked at me, chewing on a piece of the tangerine as he leaned against the kitchen counter; "You won't regret it. Gonna take a shower, won't be long." he added, giving me a playful smirk that made me completely weak at the knees.
I watched him slowly, leaving the kitchen and my eyesight in whole, before taking my chance to breathe again normally.
It was safe to say that since I came up with the idea of him training with Mark again, I was loving this side of Harry.
Of course, when I first mentioned it, he was completely against the idea because as he correctly told me, he had his own gym in the house.
But, as always, I managed to wangle my way in and make him see sense that he was too angry regarding the miscarriage; and that it would be good for him to have somebody motivating him and challenging him with his anger issues.
And so with his blessing, and after we discussed it together (and because he didn't want to do it off his own back- I put that down to male pride) I had messaged Mark and asked him if he was busy at all and if he could fit Harry in for three sessions a week.
I wasn't sure how many he actually wanted, but I figured three sessions (Monday, Wednesday and Friday) was a good enough start until he started to feel better about himself and us in general.
Of course, Mark was now running his own business with Muscle Machine; but he always had time for Harry and the boys, whenever they needed or wanted him.
So once he was booked in, and I had mentioned to Mark on the downside that Harry had been having a rough time of it lately (I mentioned nothing else) Harry had started his one on one sessions with Mark again, which was a mixture of fitness and boxing combined so he could channel his anger which would hopefully bring him back to me.
I smiled to myself, utterly pleased and proud as punch of Harry, knowing that he was working towards bettering himself and of course, our relationship.
I truly believed that the second he stopped blaming himself for the miscarriage- things would start to change between us.
And I was right, so far.
***
My reflection was one that I wasn't used to, as my usually flat hair was now blow-dried and thick with hair spray, adding a sense of volume as the dark waves spilled over across my face.
My make up was heavy, but subtle, dark eyes clashing with my now tan glowed skin (it was fake, obviously) but it complimented the rosy glow that adorned my cheeks, matching my red bubble-gum stained lips.
As for my outfit, I was just wearing a grey dress, nothing too fancy, but nothing too plain either as it was currently clinging to each and every one of my curves for dear life.
I wasn't aiming for anything in particular, but I wanted to just get noticed by Harry and maybe begin to rev up his engine if I could.
"Have you seen Instagram today?" I heard Harry ask me, as he breezed into the bedroom with his phone in his hand.
I paused, puckering up my lips in the mirror before putting away my lipstick.
"No, why?" I asked, staring at him through the mirror, yet his gaze was firmly on his phone and his fingers were pinching at his lower lip; "Harry?"
"You haven't seen Instagram at all?"
"No, for the second time. Why, should I have seen something?"
"It's just... so weird." he said, as I stared at him again.
He was wearing his trademark black skinny jeans, teamed with a sheer silk polka dot shirt that was of course, split halfway down his chest, exposing his skin to everybody that would be in his presence this evening.
His hair was also down, which I liked, and to finish his look off, he was wearing his favourite tattered boots that probably cost more than my entire education at college.
But it was Harry all over.
The dress I was wearing wasn't much like I said, but it was a grey firm fitting dress that framed and hugged me in all the right places.
It made my cleavage stand out, but not in a slutty way, and it stopped just under my knee, so I was only showing off the skin that I wanted and needed to show off.
My hair was straight, but bouncing off my face thanks to the hair spray and styling, and now that my lipstick had been finally applied, I was ready to rock and roll.
I hadn't gone out in absolutely ages, so I wanted to make the effort and I wanted Harry to feel like he could show me off, without actually showing me off if that made any sense at all.
"What's weird?"
"What?"
"You said it was so weird?" I said, "What's weird?"
I noticed he was now off his phone and was staring at me, his eyes trailing slowly from my shoes up.
I smiled internally to myself, knowing that I had gotten his attention as I collected what pieces of make up I would need to carry with me for our dinner date.
"Oh... Liam posted about Callum today, on Instagram."
I literally spun on my heels.
"He did what?!"
"Yeah..." he said, forcing his eyes up to mine and off the curve of my lower neckline; "Posted two pictures... with captions."
"What did they say?" I asked, grabbing at my phone and entering my pin code; "I can't believe they announced it, I thought they would have left it a bit longer..."
"Hmmm." he murmured, yet I ignored his mumble and switched to Instagram, furiously typing in Liam's handle so I could see the posts for myself.
And sure thing, there they were.
@.fakeliampayne: "Callum hasn't been in the world for 24 hours yet and already his Uncle Louis had taught him something rude... shhhh, don't tell mummy."
@.fakeliampayne: "I'd like you all to meet Callum James Payne, my son. He now has a full tummy and is officially checking out his new world. Mummy is doing amazingly well and I'm so proud of her and my boy."
"Whoa..." I blinked repeatedly, "I didn't... I didn't think that they would have posted it so fast."
"Me neither." Harry responded, "I bet Carol's having heart failure as we speak."
I smiled, "You're so mean."
"I'm so realistic, you mean."
"Yeah well, they were going to do it sooner than later... I just didn't think it would have been this soon. Anyway, what time is it? We have to get moving otherwise we'll be late." I rushed, snatching my bag off the side of the dressing table and piling other pieces of make up and my phone inside of it.
"Whoa, hold on a second." Harry said slowly, "Turn around."
"What?"
"Turn around." he repeated, to which I did as I was told and waited to see what all the fuss was about; "You're actually wearing this to dinner?"
"Yeah, why?" I questioned, looking down at myself; "What's wrong with it?" I asked, looking down at myself again, my insecurity and self-consciousness kicking in rapidly.
"Nothing... nothing is wrong with it, Izzy. I just... fuck you're stunning. You look amazing..."
I smiled softly, "Really?"
He nodded, just as I walked over to where he was standing.
He seemed a little nervous, but you would never have guessed with the way he carelessly slipped his arm around the curve of my waist, using all of his strength to pull me in closer while his gaze lingered on my lip gloss covered lips.
In return, I arched my back a little, my hand still holding bag while my other automatically clutched at Harry's jawline, before my fingers began combing their way through his hair as we shared a knowing smile together.
"You're a knock out," he whispered admiringly; "You look so beautiful, Izzy."
I literally, melted.
I hadn't received a compliment like that from him in such a long time, and it made me feel all fuzzy inside.
If I was being completely honest, I was excited at the thought of what this dinner could do and bring for us tonight.
"Thank you, darling." I whispered, kissing him lightly but carefully so I didn't smudge my lips; "Mmmm, no kissing... you'll ruin my lipstick." I murmured, returning to the mirror so I could once again run my fingers through my hair, loosening the heat that had straightened it into a curve around my face.
I really was digging this short hair, and it gave me a nice texture as it flowed effortlessly around my face.
I checked my make up one more time, brushing off the small bit of power that had collected on my cheek just as Harry literally called out for me once again.
I couldn't help but smile, knowing he was trying his hardest to make things go back to normal for us and even though I didn't want him to think he had to spend money to do so, especially in public, he told me to be quiet and to make sure I just enjoyed what he had planned for us.
And that's what I intended on doing.
The hotel we were staying at for the night offered a "romance package", where they would set up a private area of the restaurant for only you and your guest, with dinner and champagne.
While we were going to eat at dinner, staff were decorating the room with fresh red roses.
It was kind of romance overkill, but Harry had wanted to do it and now that we were over the speed bump in our relationship, it was a cause of celebration in his eyes.
I swear, he was more of a girl than I was sometimes when it came to romantic gestures- but I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it.
"Someone's watching us." Harry said, almost annoyed at the fact.
"It's fine." I insisted, picking up the menu to take a look at it; "They probably can't believe that the Harry Styles is in here."
"Hardly..." Harry murmured, "He hasn't taken his bloody eyes off you since we got here."
Jealous Harry was always so attractive to me.
"No, its definitely you." I grinned, earning myself a smirk from him, "Don't let it get to you, because my attention is firmly on you baby. Now hurry up and feed me, before I go all Jackie Chan on your ass." I grinned, just as Harry followed my lead by grabbing himself a menu.
My eyes scanned the bar from our corner booth, slowly and casually.
No one was paying any attention.
Not really.
Good, I momentarily thought to myself.
Harry had put way too much thought into this for it to be ruined, so I repeated the scan and caught nobody looking.
The air outside the secluded spot we were sat in was rather warm, yet we were safely cocooned at our private section away from prying eyes- which is exactly what Harry wanted.
Still, I ignored his panic and insecurity for tonight, just as I gazed at our table that displayed tea light candles, crisp champagne and a single white rose in the centre.
I really was the luckiest girl in the world.
"Good evening," a voice announced out of nowhere, a pleasant accent following as a waiter appeared from out of nowhere, greeting us both with a smile; "Mr Styles." he graciously half bowed to Harry, before turning back to me; "My name is Felix. I will be happy to serve you both tonight."
I grinned to myself, easily impressed.
I could get used to this, seriously.
"Would you like anything to drink?"
Before I could even open my mouth to speak, Harry ordered exactly what I wanted (along with the champagne) which gave me time to enjoy the atmosphere surrounding us.
In fact, I couldn't even concentrate on the menu, instead setting it down and looking out towards the London skyline that was so picturesque, it was beautiful.
It was late in the evening, the only visible lights being those of the hotel section behind us, mostly blocked from the greenery and trees between them.
The rest was a mixture of black and dark blue hues, the moon reflecting everywhere.
I felt Harry's hand on mine, returning my attention to him.
"In case I forget to tell you again later, you really do look beautiful Izzy."
I smiled at his compliment, squeezing his hand.
"You look rather dashing yourself, Styles." I smiled at him, hoping he was finally learning to take a back seat and relax.
Felix came and poured us our drinks, before taking our orders.
The restaurant itself, was one I had never been too before.
It was located on the 38th and 39th floors at 110 Bishopsgate, and I could tell that Harry had been here before.
SushiSamba featured the highest outdoor eating terraces in Europe, offering unparalleled 360 degree views of London.
It truly was breath-taking.
As Harry and I entered the building at the beginning of the evening, I noticed that there were two panoramic glass elevators.
There was a main dining room that overlooked views of London, with floor to ceiling glass windows creating a magical, intimate experience during the evening.
Harry chose to have yellowtail avocado and roasted corn miso for starters, while I went for the lobster avocado with pickled shallots.
"You do realise..." he started, as the food arrived shortly after, "We've both picked aphrodisiac foods?"
I literally could not hide the smirk on my face, as I tried to keep myself calm.
For our main, Harry ordered a T-Bone steak, which was burnt hispi, chimichiurri with yuka fries; whilst I ordered poussin, which was meat with teriyaki, yuzo kosho with Japanese egg mayo.
I guess I had always wanted to try different cuisines in a posh restaurant (doesn't every girl dream of that?) and this was no exception.
It didn't take long before we were both pinching each other's food, something that was so innocent but oh so intimate in so many ways.
I felt myself relax and be completely content in a way that I had never felt before.
It was as if all the drama, the fighting and the anger no longer existed between us or maybe none of it hadn't happened at all, in an ideal world.
We didn't discuss the miscarriage or even mention Oscar all night, which I quickly figured we both liked.
It was as if we were just Harry and Izzy again, our healing taking the form of affection and time well spent in each others company.
The food was incredible, and there was not a single thing that this place didn't offer, as the restaurant seemed to go out of their way to grant you your every desire.
If I could run away and live here forever, I would in a heartbeat.
Of course, I didn't say this to Harry, knowing full well he would just make some comment about how if I wanted to, he would make it happen.
By the end of the meal, I felt full, happy, and slightly drunk from the champagne Harry kept filling in my glass.
My skin had a smooth layer of sea salt from the misty London weather at our side from the riverbank and I had long ago abandoned my shoes under the stable.
As Felix cleared the dishes, he told us to take as long as we wanted down on this area of the restaurant.
It was ours for the evening, and as long as there was nothing else we required of him, he would leave us to our privacy before we headed off to our hotel room for the night.
Harry was quick to assure him we were perfectly content, watching him closely as he disappeared towards the restaurant and out of sight.
Now completely alone, Harry stood from his seat, coming to pull me to my feet.
"Take a walk with me?" he said, lacing his fingers with mine.
"Where?" I asked, even though I had slipped my shoes back on and took his hand.
"Just... come with me."
I nodded, firmly taking his hand as we then began walking alongside the walkway in silence, looking out onto the stunning scenery that our eyes were blessed with.
We came to a small corner on the 39th floor, the height of the place still protecting us from prying eyes.
Here, Harry stopped, turning me towards him and pulling me close, rubbing his hands along my back as he watched me in the dark.
I could barely make him out in the moonlight, the white rays casting highlights along his cheeks.
"Are you happy?" he asked quietly, "Truthfully, Izzy?"
I stared at him, confused as to why he would ask me such a question.
If he had asked me that question just a few days ago, I probably would have said no, because of our unresolved feelings and trauma.
But over time as we quickly established that Harry was really suffering with his emotions regarding the miscarriage, I was glad he chose tonight to ask me.
It was as if he was genuinely concerned that I was still holding on to some residual anger over the other night with him, or that there was still some small chance that I would pull away from him at a moments notice.
I hated the fact he still held that doubt and I hated more that I had caused it somehow, especially as he had struggled to deal with the fact his world had just been ripped apart alongside mine.
I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him to me.
Pressing my forehead to his, I met the glint of his eyes in the dark.
"I have never been happier in my life, Harry."
I felt him exhale against me slightly, as if he thought I would say otherwise.
He was always so confident in so many ways, especially sexually, and I was amazed at how easily he dominated everything and everyone around him.
So to know that I was the cause for one of the few areas that he felt uncertain, absolutely killed me.
I needed to show him that his worry was completely unfounded.
So I stood on my toes, bringing my lips to his gently, gently twisting my fingers in his hair as I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth, grazing his skin with my teeth.
I felt his hands tighten on the curve of my bum, slightly pulling up the hem of my dress with his fingertips, gently pushing his hips forward as he grinded himself against me.
He met my kiss with a sense of urgency, his mouth claiming mine as he always did.
It didn't take long for both of us to be breathing heavily, and I could feel the weight of him leaning against me.
"Are you happy?"
"Completely." Harry murmured.
"How about a selfie to celebrate?" I whispered, giving him a sensual grin.
"Nothing quite like a selfie to celebrate, hm?"
Pulling back slightly, he grinned back in response and began to pull out his phone from his pocket, when I stopped him.
"No," I whispered, "My phone. My Twitter. My Instagram. Not yours."
Harry immediately stilled, before his grin returned, more brighter and louder than before as he watched me take out my phone from my purse.
"Aw, how cute, that's me!" he jokingly pointed out at my background, as I shrugged him off with my shoulder and turned on my camera on; "How'd you want me?"
"Where have I heard that before, huh?" I smirked, as he stepped beside me, his arms wrapped around my waist; "No, I'll go in front of you-"
"See! This is why I asked!" he laughed, "You and your damn positioning..."
I liked this, this was us.
This was normal.
Banter and playful, teasing each other mercifully.
"Never heard you complain about my positioning before Styles." I reasoned, as he simply licked his lips and smirked at me, "Ready?"
"Ready..." he replied, as I stood on his left, my lips pressed firmly against his cheek.
"You have a big head, Styles."
"Baby, you don't know the half of it." he grinned playfully, a childish, addictive yet highly pleasurable infectious smile spreading across his face as he pressed the button on my phone to snap the picture; "I take great selfies."
"I really like that one." I said amusingly, "I love it when you pull that face. You look tipsy."
"You love me regardless," Harry smirked, "What are you writing?"
"My caption with the photo," I replied, "And sent."
I smiled knowingly to myself, listening as Harry's phone bleeped, indicating that he had a notification because I'd tagged him in something.
Everything else was turned off on his phone, like when the fans constantly tagged him on something, but myself, the boys, his parents, Gem... we all had our own little notification bell so he knew the difference of who was tagging/messaging him.
"So..." Harry murmured, "Your caption, nicely done."
I smiled, glad that he appreciated the reference.
"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me.
That's what I'd hoped to give to you forever."
I exhaled slowly, before gazing up at him to explain the meaning behind my caption.
"You asked me if I was happy, truthfully... and honestly, if you had asked me a few days ago or even a couple of weeks ago, I'd have probably said no."
"But?" Harry asked softly.
"I'd have said no, because... because of the hell we've been through." I whispered tearfully, "And... I guess what I'm trying to say is you're my person, no matter what we go through... no matter what life throws at us."
"And?" Harry smiled.
"You are my soulmate, Harry." I whispered, "Or if I want to be really specific, you're my lobster."
His eyes widened, before he burst into laughter... and honestly, it was so good hearing him laugh so wholeheartedly.
"You're my driving force to keep on going... and as long as you're in the passenger or driving seat beside me, I'll drive anywhere with you."
"So, let's keep driving."
I paused to look at him, and I mean, really look at him, to completely take him in.
"I love you so much, Harry."
I stared at him, hoping he would like my little dedication.
See, I could be romantic too.
"I love you too, baby." He whispered, just as he neared me, "Do you wanna head back?" he asked me, and I could tell that he was nervous.
"Do you want to?"
"I asked first." he smiled at me.
"I wouldn't mind getting inside, I am a little cold."
"Then let's go."
***
"I feel like a fucking virgin." Harry muttered.
I smiled warmly at him, stroking his arm in an attempt to try and reassure him.
"We don't have to do anything you don't want to do... we can just lay here if you like?"
"I want... to at least try. I don't want to leave you unsatisfied or unhappy."
"Baby, you never could." I whispered reassuringly, kissing his lips softly as I stroked his cheek; "And I don't need sex to keep me happy, Harry. I just want you."
"You seemed pretty upset about it the other night." He said quietly, his eyes nervously flicking up to meet mine.
"That was... frustration more than anything. Now I know why you can't, we can work on that. Together."
"I love you." He murmured, "How'd I get so lucky to land you?"
"I ask myself the same question everyday, only about you."
"We're gonna be alright, aren't we?" He asked, as I detected a hint of hesitance and nervousness in his voice.
"We are going to be fine, Harry." I promised, "Why don't we... I don't know, turn this into something more fun? So we're not over thinking it or making such a big deal out of this?"
"How'd you mean?"
I pursed my lips, "Like... when we first met? We never really did the dating thing, and we sort of jumped straight into bed didn't we..."
Harry frowned, "I'm not quite sure what you mean, Izzy."
"Why don't we use it to our advantage? Like, role play a little. We can have like date nights and get to know each other again... on our own terms. Take each date night as it comes...."
"You mean, act like virgins?"
I snorted, "Only you would think of it like that."
"Do you think it'll work?" Harry asked nervously.
"We won't know until we try." I shrugged, "I'm willing to try anything that will help you, Harry... we could even recreate that night in Italy."
"Which one? There were lots." He smirked slowly, as I edged a little closer towards him; "Can't quite break it down..."
"The night I came to you, and you made me come... repeatedly."
"Oooooh, that night." He grinned at me playfully, the dimple in his cheek protruding out through his boyish charm.
I nodded, wrapping my arms around his neck slowly.
"We could recreate that night... if you wanted too?"
"Do you want to?"
"I want to do whatever you want to do, Harry. No pressure, remember?"
"I just want to make you happy, Izzy."
"Baby, you do." I whispered, my finger now tracing strokes across his cheek; "You make me so happy, Harry."
"I guess... I just have this fear that one day, you might... I don't know, you'll realise you've had enough of me and that you deserve better."
I raised his chin, forcing him to look me in the eye.
"You're not Dan, Harry. And you never will be." I whispered, studying every trace of emotion that came across his face; "I love you, always. Forever. I don't deserve better because I can't get any better than you..." I added with another simple stroke to his cheek, before I kissed him longingly.
It was a soft kiss, a loving one, that made me feel breathless to the brink of insanity.
Harry was nervous, I could tell that, but his lips were responsive, gentle and tentative.
Just him kissing me had my heart practically leaping from my rib cage, a reaction that only he could ever manage on me.
Nobody had ever come close.
"You okay?"
Harry nodded, "I'm fine, baby."
"Just tell me if it's too much, okay?"
"I just want to give you want you want-"
"One thing at a time, yeah?" I reassured him, "Even if we just make out a little tonight, it's a start Harry."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
"You know... if it takes a while, for us to get back to normal..." Harry awkwardly blushed, ducking his head to hide his embarrassment; "I won't be mad, if you need to... y'know. Fly solo."
I couldn't help it, but I smiled.
Like, really smiled.
"Why are you smiling at me like that?"
"Because I love you and you're bloody adorable." I murmured, "And as much as I appreciate what you're saying to me, I'd rather wait for you."
"You have needs too, you'd tell me to do it if you couldn't perform."
"You're right, I probably would." I sighed, "Which is why we are so bloody right for each other. We fit, so much Harry."
He smiled at this, the realisation dawning on him immediately.
"Have you?" He asked daringly, his gaze flickering up to my face.
"What are we, five?" I teased him, as he blushed once again; "And no, I haven't Harry." I added, guessing what he was referring too.
"Have you had like... urges?"
Now it was my turn to blush.
"Come on, if we're serious about this, we have to be honest with each other, Izzy."
"I've thought about it... but never really took it further." I admitted freely, not daring to look him in the eye.
"Why not?"
"Guess I didn't want to upset you."
"Upset me?" Harry blinked, "But it's... normal."
"Maybe, but think about it.... if we hadn't have had that chat about the way you felt, and then you caught me 'flying solo' as you so wonderfully put it... you were feeling bad already because of Oscar, add not giving me sex and then me masturbating on top? It would have killed you, Harry."
He paused, his lips pursed together.
"I love how you think... love how you know me."
"I'm a woman, I over think things."
"Don't I bloody know it."
I smiled, "I'm good anyway. I can wait."
"You don't have too."
"I can wait, Harry." I promised, my hand now touching the muscle on his chest; "I can wait for you."
"I know I freaked out about it the other night... but I can make it up to you, in other ways."
I literally felt my insides caving in.
Keep calm, Iz.
Don't blow this.
"Oh yeah? Like what?"
"I like the idea of date nights... and acting like we're... y'know, first time lovers. I think that would work, and buy me some time to get myself sorted."
"Yeah?" I smiled appreciatively.
"Yeah." Harry repeated, "That night, in Italy, when you came to me... for the first time and you gave yourself to me, was probably one of the hottest things I've seen in my life."
"Naturally." I teased, as we grew closer once more; "The way you touched me that night... before we slept together. Do you remember?"
"Of course I remember. Best night of my life. Well, one of the best nights of my life."
I smirked, "You want to do that again? You want me to give myself to you?"
"Can we try...?" He asked nervously, "I'd rather just focus on you for a bit."
"But it's not just about me, Harry-"
"I know," he cut through, "But for the time being, it is. I can't do much else... I can't give you what you really, truly want Iz... but I can do the other stuff, and maybe who knows it'll be the incentive for me to kick start this... issue I'm having downstairs."
"We are having." I corrected him, "I'm in this just as much as you are, Harry."
Harry smiled, just as our heads bumped against one another's.
"I love you. So much."
"I love you. Too much." I whispered, breaking our kiss.
After what I worked out was roughly ten minutes of kissing and Harry just gently feeling my thigh with his fingertips, we stopped to take a breather and got ourselves ready for bed.
I wasn't expecting much, but I had thoroughly enjoyed what I had received tonight.
Harry was warm, responsive and all his attention was on me, which was all that I ever really wanted since the miscarriage.
It was while I was getting freshened up and brushing my teeth, that I realised how horny I felt.
The kissing and heavy petting had gone straight to my core, and I mentally berated myself to calm the fuck down before I ruined it.
He had done so well so far, and I couldn't take it if we got back to square one because of my over eagerness.
"Izzy?"
Switching the tap off, I threw my overnight toothbrush into the bag that he had packed and entered the bedroom, finding Harry sat on our temporary bed in just his boxers.
He never looked so good.
He welcomed me slowly, offering me his hand before I took it and sat with him on the bed, my body now sat directly upon his lap.
We kissed slowly, and giggled, like a pair of teenagers that had sneaked off away from our parents, desperate to have a few hours alone.
I felt his hand move, stroking my thigh as he gently grazed his fingertips up to my upper thigh.
"Harry..."
"I got this, babe..."
As we continued, soft kissing and heavy petting, Harry got a bit more daring and slipped his hand around to the naked flesh on my inner thigh, listening intently as I moaned softly against his ear, cradling his head against my bosom.
"Harry..."
"Shush, Izzy... don't worry about me, just let me take care of you, baby." he spoke with a whisper, my lips tingling against his after we had finished kissing; "Let me make you feel good... let me make it up to you. Let's recreate Italy. Tonight."