After thinking about it, Jeno decides to focus on bettering his relationships before worrying about love.
He could ask Jaemin but something tells him to start with Mask first. And he knows that there's something he should talk to the boy about anyways.
Pumpkin
Jeno
Hey
Pumpkin
Hey
Jeno
Whenever you're free, can
we...hangout or go on a date or
whatever
Pumpkin
Yes
Or whatever🙄
Jeno
That's fair
I just don't know which one you'd
prefer. I'm fine with whatever makes
you comfortable
Pumpkin
Well is whatever you're thinking of
more of a date or hangout to you?
Jeno
Hangout turned into date?
Look, it'll be a date but I have to do
something first
Pumpkin
Okay...
I'm free tomorrow
Jeno
Alright
➳
The next day, after deciding a time in the morning, gets ready, mildly nervous about spending time with Jeno. It's even more nerve-wracking because Jeno said he has to do something first and he has no idea what it is.
"You okay?" Jeno asks when Mark gets in his car.
Mark nods. "I'm fine."
Jeno sighs. "Really?"
"I'm nervous but I'm fine."
Jeno nods in understanding and starts to drive. He turns on the music to ease the atmosphere.
After debating on it for the hundredth time, Jeno decides to drive to the beginning of a trail that leads to hill that looks over part of the city.
When Mark sees where they are, he gives Jeno a questioning look.
"Don't worry", Jeno tells him. "There's just a hill."
Mark nods and follows him out the car. Jeno begins walking, make sure to stay in the same pace as Mark. They've spend time together before but it's still a bit awkward, especially when their arms accidentally brush against each other.
The walk is pretty short so they end up on the hall faster than Mark thought they would. He carefully follows behind Jeno, wondering what the point of this is if it's not just to admire the scenery.
Mark watches in confusion when Jeno puts a little distance between them and looks conflicted. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah", Jeno answers, not looking at the boy. "I don't have the best track record with you and this won't fix it but I think it helps if I talk about so before anything else, I want to tell you something."
"Okay."
Jeno takes a deep breath and glances at Mark before saying, "You scare me."
Confusion fills Mark. "I scare you? How?"
"You're perfect to me."
What?
"What?"
"Ever since I've met you, I've never found one reason as to why someone would dislike you. Every reason—no—every excuse was made up in my own mind because when I think of you, I can only ever think of good things. I know it seems like I was only scared of losing Chenle to you but I'm always scared of getting close to people and losing them. I'm afraid people will get to know me and they won't love me. And with you, it's different because I'm not even close to how wonderful you are. You're friendly, considerate, funny, helpful, caring, adorable, talented, expressive, and so many other things. I stopped being friendly to people and am even rude. Sometimes, even my attempts at being funny just end up as me being mean. I don't know how to express my emotions well, especially if they're positive and I made you feel bad about that when there's nothing wrong with it. If someone had to choose between us, I'd hope they choose you. I'm afraid that you won't choose me. None of this makes how I treated you right and I understand that, so you shouldn't like me. I'm really sorry."
"Do you think there's not good things about you?"
"What?"
"Do you think I knew all of that? Or just blindly believe that?" Jeno stays quiet so Mark shakes his head. "You see me like I'm so wonderful and I love compliments as much as the next person but I don't even understand how you think all of that. I don't see myself the way you see me." Mark chuckles without humor. "I see you the way you see me."
Jeno's eyes widen. "What?"
"Are you not aware of how much Chenle loves you? How much Haechan likes you? How easier it is for Jisung to get along with you and how comfortable Jaemin is with you? Do you not notice these things?" When Jeno doesn't say anything, Mark continues. "As much as Lele insists he loves us equally and tries, it's you over me. It's not about knowing someone first but it's the fact that you were his best friend first and when I became his friend, he'd already had a hundred reasons why he loves you. No matter how much he cares about me, he'd put you first. And Lele told me why you're not the friendliest person, he said people took advantage of that and for your well-being, you need to be assertive. I wish I was like that."
"Huh?"
"I would let someone walk all over me 'cause I don't have it in me to be rude, even if I wish I could. I don't have the confidence to act how I want and just let people decide if they want anything to do with me. If I asked them right now, all our friends would tell me good things about you. You don't know what Doyoung says about you when you're not there but they're all good things. I've spent time around you, I can say good things. You not liking me...it hurt more because I care. Do you think I don't care how you feel you about me as well? I'm always terrified someone's not gonna love me. And it's not even just one thing. Maybe I can accept you not wanting to be friends but to care about someone, to like them with my entire being, and have them not care about me just as much or at all? I have no idea how I ended up making you feel the way you do."
"Mark, I had no idea."
"Because, for once, I tried not to be too expressive. Maybe I have more control over serious things but I can't stop myself when I'm happy or excited and I hate that. You have no idea how much I become when I like someone and it's never...it's never satisfied them. My feelings were always more than theirs and I always felt like it was me. You think I won't love you but I know that if I had an opportunity, I would love you too much. You would hate it."
"Why would I hate it?"
"Because no one seems to want the person I am when I'm their boyfriend. If I date someone and have permission to show them how much I like them, I'll text them every day, call them a cute nickname, be upset if they don't give me one, randomly text them a paragraph of how much I like them 'cause I can't keep to to myself. I'd show them off every chance I get. I'd be clingy because they'd make me so happy. But with dating me, I always need reassurance and because of my past relationships and self-esteem, I'd need it constantly. I'd be possessive and get jealous 'cause I'd be worried they're going to decide I'm not right for them. And because I want their attention. I can spoil them but I want it to. And I don't mean with money. Every time I want someone to care about me the way I care about them, I find out that I like them more. You thinking I won't like you is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I already do like you. And I'll just like you more and more, that's how I work."
Mark looks at the ground, trying to keep himself calm. He hears footsteps and looks up right as Jeno embrace him, with so much force it makes him wobble. Though, he has no idea what's gonna happen when Jeno responds, Mark allows himself to accept the hug.
"I'm sorry", Jeno mumbles into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."
Mark doesn't react to the apology, unsure of what to do about receiving it multiple times when the first time, he said it was okay. It is okay. Mostly.
"It's okay."
Jeno pulls away and shakes his head."No, it's not. I just made you feel worse about yourself and I never realized that you might have your own struggles, I only focused on mine. Believe it or not but I really don't think Lele would choose me over you."
"You really don't see it?" Jeno shakes his head."Your name in his phone is cutest boy in the world, he spammed me with pictures of you once to prove how cute you are, in a friendly way, I'm almost positive he's in love with you and he does worry about me but it always feels different when it comes to you."
"He thinks highly of you too. "
Mark chuckles, shaking his head. "You don't have to try to make me feel better. I'm coming to terms with it. "
"But you're his best friend too. Past me would ecstatic to hear this, if I'm being honest."
"I know."
"But current me isn't. I'll make sure he treats us equally."
"You can't help how he feels."
"If he loves me more, I want to change it. I want him to love you just as much. Jisung told me that we're all scared but I don't know everyone's reason. Now that I know yours, I want to do something about it. You're one of the most lovable people I've ever met and no offense to your exes—er, no offense to Darci, I've been told to hate the other one, but they're stupid if they don't feel like the luckiest person in the world to have you like them and not appreciate that. And when it comes to dating, Haechan likes everyone. Maybe Jaemin a little bit more but he likes all of us. And Jaemin likes you too."
"What about you?"
Jeno stares down at Mark, taking in how gorgeous he manages to look with his wide, shocked eyes that are staring back at him, slightly parted pink lips, the rosiness in his cheeks, and windswept hair. This is Mark, the same person he was so determined not to like, the person he knew he would like.
One of the people he does like.
"Yes." Jeno smiles, nodding. "Yes, I like you."
As the information resonates in Mark, so do his feelings for the male. He launches himself at Jeno, hugging even tighter than the male hugged him earlier.
Mark wasn't expecting this feeling. Relief.
He's relieved that Jeno likes him, that he has hope for a relationship with him. Just for right now, he manages to block out all the intruding thoughts that won't knock his mood down.
Every thought leaves his mind when he feels a kiss being pressed to the side of his face. And then his cheek. And then all over his face until he's sure there's not one spot (besides his lips) that hasn't been kissed by Jeno.
"What was that for?" Mark asks softly.
The fact that the smile doesn't leave Jenos face makes his heart flutter.
"I give affection to people I like. And I think you're really cute."
"Can I kiss your cheeks?"
Jeno chuckles, finding the question and the way Mark asked adorable. He nods. "Yes."
Nerves take over when he feels Marks hands gently take hold of his face and pull him closer to Mark. He has no idea exactly what's going on in the boys mind but he hopes it's not bad.
Mark kisses his left cheek, then the right, and smiles. He loves the way Jeno turns pink and looks so cute like this. He places one last kiss on his forehead before releasing his face.
Jeno lets out a small gasp when Mark grabs his hand and intertwines their fingers. Something about it seems familiar. And then Jeno remembers.
The carnival
"Jeno", Mark says to get his attention.
"Hm?"
"Whenever you need to be reminded that I like you, let me know and I'll show you."
How is he so perfect?
"I always wished someone would tell me that. I'll show you too."
Finally that MarkNo content y'all been waiting for. (And basically after this is where fluff comes in)
Have a good day! I LOVE YOU!💙💚
Not proofread❤️