Jisung❤️
I miss you
Jaemin
I miss you too
We haven't spent time together in a
while
Jisung❤️
I hate it
When are you available?
Jaemin
Tomorrow?
Jisung❤️
I am after work
Jaemin
You get off at 4, right?
Jisung❤️
Yep
What do you wanna do?
Jaemin
Can we shop for decorations?
Jisung❤️
Oh that's good idea
Afterwards, I'll make us hot chocolate
Jaemin
I miss having your hot chocolate
I'm too lazy to make it so I rarely
have it
Jisung❤️
Haechan told me the same thing
Speaking of...
Jaemin
I've just been trying to block that out of
my mind and I've been a little
distracted anyway
Jisung❤️
Can I ask you a question?
Jaemin
Ask away
Jisung❤️
I'm not upset or anything by the way
but why did you only let Jeno in the
bathroom that day?
Jaemin
Can I call you?
Jisung❤️
Yes
Jaemin calls Jisung and feels relieved that the call connects quickly.
"I love you", he says right away.
A small smile appears on Jisungs face. "You stole my line."
"It's mine now."
"Sure. I love you too."
"I was thinking too much that day and we know that thinking can be a bad idea for me. When I get upset enough to cry or freak out like that, sometimes I make it worse."
"What did you think think about?"
Jaemin sighs, shaking his head. "I told myself that you guys don't care about me. I said that Haechan doesn't love me, that everything you've done was to be nice and that Lele wouldn't care if it weren't for you." Jaemin glances at Jisung and looks away again. "I know those things aren't true. I know you all love me and it's not be nice. I trust that. It just happens sometimes."
"It happens to me too", Jisung says quietly, getting Jaemins attention. "That's why I'm always affectionate and reply fast. Because I can't be left alone with my thoughts or I'll take everything the wrong way."
"When's the last time that happened?"
"A few months ago."
"Did you tell anyone?"
"Yeah, I went and saw Yuta."
"Were you alone before that?"
"Lele was home but I didn't tell him."
"Jisung", Jaemin says softly. "Doesn't he know?"
"It was really bad though, and I wasn't ready for him to see what that looks like. And I didn't trust myself with my hypersensitivity."
"How much does he know?"
"He knows I went to a therapist and that I stopped, that I have take-as-needed medication, and told him a little bit about what happens when I have an episode or hard time."
"Does he help?"
Jisung nods. "Between his affection, reassurance, effort he puts in, and little things he does, I can usually help myself feel better. But it startles him when I cry. And he wants to help but then he'll try not to talk and I'll feel bad. And if it's bad, I can't handle any distance unless the person is going to the bathroom and I don't wanna stop him from doing his normal things. I know he can't just drop everything, I just wish he could."
"Do you ever stay in or do you always go out?"
"I'll lock myself in our room and cry. And I'll try to distract myself after a while or take a nap."
"Always tell me about it, okay?"
Jisung looks to the side as he asks, "What if you're busy?"
Jaemin shakes his head. "You're the most important thing in the world to me. And if I can't see you in person, I'll talk to you. I don't care if you cry or if you have to tell me not to talk about a certain subject and I don't think it matters to Lele either. I don't want you to be alone."
"Okay."
"Did the...did the other stuff stop?"
"It's not as bad but sometimes I can't be in the kitchen. Or I'll get paranoid when I'm showering."
"How about your health?"
Jisung nods. "Most of the time, I'm fine and working out makes me feel better anyways."
"Okay." It goes silent for a minute and then Jaemin asks, "Anything else you wanna say? About this, I mean."
Jisung thinks about saying no but something comes to mind, thought he's not sure if he should say it. "Um..." He glances at Jaemin and sees his best friend giving him the undivided attention he always gives him, eyes showing adoration. Jisung sighs. "Can we...can we make sure we don't go this long without talking or seeing each other again."
"Of course."
➳
"Jisung!" Jaemin exclaims as soon his eyes land on the male.
"Love!"
Jisung hurries over to Jaemin and embraces him in a giant hug, feeling relieved to have his best friend near him. Jaemin smiles, equally as happy.
"I'm giving you kisses first."
Jisung doesn't complain and tilts his head a little bit as Jaemins hands gently hold his face and he begins peppering kisses all over the place, making Jisung giggle. When Jaemins done, he rests his nose against Jisungs and gently rubs it against his.
"I missed this", Jisung mumbles.
"Well, now you don't have to."
Jaemin links arms with Jisung and leads him into the store. Jisung stays right by Jaemins side as they push the cart, mostly Jaemin controlling it.
"Everything smells so good", Jisung says when they get to the candle aisle.
"It does. Which scents should I get? Oh, I'll probably get hungry." Jaemin gasps. "We have to bake!"
"Specify this 'we' you speak of."
"You and me today and then all of us next time." Jisung nods. Jaemin wanders a few steps away, looking a bit farther down. "Speaking of next times", Jaemin speaks up, remembering something. "I wonder when Mark and Haechan are going on their next date."
"And when will you and Jeno go on your first?"
Jaemin can feel the eyes on him before he looks at his best friend and sees the curious look on his face. Jisung never ever pushes him to say anything he doesn't want to but this is one of those times where he just looks like his best friend who wants to know the details.
"I don't know", Jaemin admits quietly. "I don't know what to do or how to...with him, I'm scared."
Jisung's eyebrows pinch together, showing his confusion. "Why?" Jisung sets a candle down in the cart and goes back to looking over everything to not stare at the boy.
"He's getting to know all of me. But I know it doesn't completely make sense. For some reason, I don't care what I say or do around him. Which might be me trying to just throw every reason to not like me at him but then he constantly sees me be...strange."
"What makes you think he won't like you if he knows you?"
Jaemin goes silent, trying to figure out what it is that he wants to say. But then he shakes his head. "I'll tell you later."
Jisung nods and quickly scans the aisle for something to switch their attention. He gasps when he finds a cute, whit ceramic pumpkin with an orange pattern all around it.
"Look how pretty!" He exclaims, showing Jaemin with wide, excited eyes, looking extremely adorable.
"You're so cute Jisung."
The suddenly compliment sends heat to the boys cheek, causing him to look away from his friend as he clears his throat. "Thank you."
Jaemin laughs. The situation only gets funnier when he pretends he's going to hit Jisung with the cart, startling him.
"Come on, let's get everything and then let's go because I want hot chocolate, cookies, and affection."
Only because he has a goal in mind does Jaemin actually make sure they don't spend too long in the store while allowing themselves to enjoy every seasonal item they come across.
As soon as they get near the registers, Jaemin makes a beeline for the self-checkout, almost bumping into someone's cart in the process.
"I'm sorry", he apologizes nervously.
The guy just stares at him and continues past him once Jaemin's out of the way, not making the boy feel any better.
"Ignore that", Jisung tells him.
"I'm trying", Jaemin mutters.
Jaemin and Jisung argue about who's going to back but Jisung manages to hold his best friend back as he inserts his credit card, making Jaemin pout.
Jisung kisses his cheek as a peace offering. Jaemin still pretends to be annoyed but the hint of a smile on his face let's Jisung know the kiss worked.
After they put the cart bag, Jaemin grabs all their bags and sends a cheeky smile towards Jisung before walking off in the direction of his car. Jisung playfully rolls his eyes. As they approach the car, Jisung gently slips the keys out of Jaemins hand and unlocks it, sending a grin to his best friend.
Jaemin lets Jisung open the trunk and then he holds out his arms, allowing Jisung to grab the bags and place them in.
"Who's driving?" Jisung asks.
"You", Jaemin answers and then goes to the passenger seat.
When they get inside Jaemins apartment, Jaemin instantly goes to his couch and collapses on it. Jisung follows him and laughs at how exhausted he looks from just walking from the car to the apartment.
Jaemin holds out his arms with an expectant look on his face.
"Hold on." After Jisung makes sure that the front door is locked, he goes back to the living room and throws himself at his best friend. Jaemin wraps his arms around him and snuggles against him, ticking Jisung and warming him up at the same time. "You do remember we have things to make, right?"
"I remember. And I also remember that none of them need to be made right away."
"Right, but we both know that if we don't limit our relaxation, neither of us is gonna get up."
"Ten minutes?" Jaemin offers.
Jisung nods and goes back to cuddling with Jaemin and letting his eyes rest for the time-being. Jaemin sets a timer and rests his head against Jisungs.
Ten minutes too soon, the annoying alarm goes off, snapping them out of their comfort. Jaemin gets up first and pulls Jisung up with him. Jisung slumps against his best friend, causing Jaemin to slide an arm around him and guide him to the kitchen.
"What are we doing first?"
"Cookies?" Jaemin suggests.
Jisung nods and watches sleepily as Jaemin takes out the cookie mixes and spreads them out onto the counter.
Noticing Jisungs state, Jaemin snaps his fingers in front of his face, not having much of an effect.
"I'm good", Jisung mumbles.
"Definitely. That's why I'm gonna be the one operating the oven. What kind should we make?"
Jisung stares at the packages, taking longer than normal to comprehend what flavors they are. Eventually, he settles on caramel apple and starts gathering the ingredients while Jaemin puts the others away.
"Which do you wanna do?" Jisung asks, becoming more awake after splashing water on his face and then washing his hands.
Jaemin washes his hands after him and replies, "Either."
"I don't wanna mix it so I'll add the ingredients."
Jaemin nods and watches Jisung add the right amount of everything. When he's done, he starts mixing it with a large spoon until it becomes useless and then he adds flour to his hands before mixing the dough manually.
While he does that, Jisung places parchment paper on the baking tray which Jaemin is thankful for because he can easily form the cookie dough into balls and place them onto the tray.
Once all the dough has been used, Jaemin washes his hands and then turns on the oven, setting it to the right temperature. He takes the tray from Jisung and places it inside.
"Was that so hard?" Jaemin asks.
"I could've put the cookies in the oven. I'm fine now."
"You're also clumsy."
"So are you!"
"Well, one of us has to be the less clumsy one!"
Jisung rolls his eyes. But feeling cuddly, he wraps his arms around Jaemin, giving him a back-hug. Jisung leads them to the couch and then releases Jaemin, wanting to be held instead. Jaemin chuckles and wraps one arm around him while he uses his other hand to set a timer for the cookies.
When Jaemin places his other arm around Jisung, Jisung holds it in place.
"Hey, Jaemin?" He asks, slowly.
"Hm?"
"Remember what we were talking about earlier?"
It takes Jaemin a few seconds to remember and when he does, he nods. "Mhm. I can tell you now. But give me a minute to form it into words."
"Take your time."
Jaemin nods and thinks over everything before he speaks. "I'm lucky when people love me." Knowing that Jisung wants to protest, Jaemin shakes his head, letting Jisung know he has more to say. "Thinking I'm nice as a person is different than caring about me and loving me. You saw how it was for me at school. I spoke to people and had acquaintances and everyone said I'm nice but they only had good things to say when I seemed normal like them. As soon as I showed I was sensitive to negative reactions and freaked out, they didn't want much to do with me if it didn't benefit them. And even then, they avoided me. Being friends with you is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Because somehow you don't care. I never understood that about you and I don't think I do now either but I appreciate it. But not everyone is like you. People can like me but loving me with my flaws is so much harder. Jeno's my friend and I feel like that's more realistic to what I'm gonna be to him long-term than a romantic partner."
"Is this just about Jeno?"
"I know people care about me. I know that. And if they love me, then I trust that they do. But knowing people love you and feeling loved by those people don't always go hand-in-hand."
Jisung nods. "I know." Silence settles over them for a minute before Jisung speaks again, "Would there be a difference if Jeno did the things that make you feel loved?"
"It hurt."
"What?"
"Remember when Lele dropped my car off?" Jisung nods. "He gave the keys to Jeno, who came in and gave them to me. Jeno was outside because he came back with food because he didn't want me to be alone but I told him I would be fine alone. He got me fried chicken and candy and something else. That was already started to overload my feelings but then when I put the dishes away, he gave me a back-hug. And when we were in the bathroom and I was trying to calm down, he really didn't pressure me to talk and he just told me a way to help myself calm down. He did everything right."
"Why did it hurt?" Jisung asks softly.
"Because I loved it so much. I want that care all the time and he's one of the people I want it from. But I don't know if I'm gonna get that."
A question pops into Jisungs mind but as he thinks about it, he realizes the answer and stays quiet. Jisung turns around and kisses Jaemins head, causing the males eyes to flutter shut at the touch.
"I love you, Jaemin. "
"I love you too."
"How long until the cookies are done?"
"I see where your priorities are."
"Hey, by me asking about the cookies, I'm making sure they don't burn, keeping both of us happy and safe."
Jaemin shakes his head with a smile on his face. He checks his phone and sees that they still have one minute left. He gets up, and once again, pulls Jisung up with him.
"Do you want frosting?" Jaemin asks. "I can make some."
"I don't care."
"I'll make some then. I'll make vanilla and caramel. Does that sound good?"
"Mhm. But I can eat one without frosting, right?"
"When they cool, yes."
"Okay."
Writing this made me remember that I got sugar cookie mix the other day (which are my favorite cookies) and I can't fucking find the mix and I want sugar cookies. Who took away my happiness?😡
I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU
Not proofread❤️