It is June 16th, meaning it has been five days since everyone walked in on Harry and I in the kitchen.
It also means that my 22nd birthday is now only ten days away.
At the begging of last month I thought I would be spending my birthday with Chloe sitting on the couch eating ice cream during the day as we watched our favorite shows together. Then at night her and I would make our way out and probably end up going to the club we worked at just because we'd feel more safe there— plus free drinks.
Just one is the perks of being an employee there.
But now, ten days until my birthday, I'm surrounded by people that I didn't even know existed at the beginning of last month— yet they're people that I've now grown to care about. My sense of happiness is essentially being filled by being around them everyday and having them consider me as one of them.
I've found that I feel safe with them. I don't worry about Conner, even though I know I should. For the first time I feel content.
I don't have an agonizing anxiety of what's to come and I don't keep myself up at night worrying about it.
Harry has helped with easing my worry too. I'm not sure he's even aware of it, but he's been a really good distraction for me lately.
Having someone that I'm able to talk to and know he will understand is a really gratifying feeling. Knowing that he is trying and knowing that he is actually listening is something that causes my heart to swell.
Plus, okay, I'll admit it, sleeping with him has been a bonus all on its own.
I thought that maybe after we had sex the appeal of it would decrease and I wouldn't find myself thinking about him in those types of ways all the time. Unfortunately for me it seems that the exact opposite has happened and now I somehow impossibly find myself thinking of him even more than before.
It doesn't help that every waking moment is occupied by him as well. The only time I haven't been with him was when I went out shopping with Millie, though the entire time she was complaining that Liam and Louis were following us because none of the guys wanted us to go out alone.
I guess it's understandable though.
It was still a lot of fun to be honest. Usually the idea of shopping makes me physically cringe, but I guess it's a lot more fun to go shopping when you know that you don't have a limit on what you can spend.
After many, many hours at the mall it took so many loads to be able to carry all of our bags into the house from the car.
When I was in the closet Harry was leaned against the doorway watching me and grumbling about how much space just my shoes were taking up, but a quick point over to the rack of his boots had him shutting up pretty quickly. I also told him if it was a problem I could always just get my own room and take up the closet space for myself in there.
That just seemed to piss him off.
I'd be lying if I said that wasn't my goal.
Getting him riled up has become one of my new favorite things to do lately. He's a lot more pugnacious when when I pick at him and part of me finds amusement in it. His jaw ticks, he pushes his hair back from his forehead, crosses his arms over his chest, watches me with squinted eyes. And again, I'd be a liar if I said seeing like that wasn't hot.
He muttered some more things about the shoes as he crossed over the floor and started to help me pile them up on my rack, but a certain blue lingerie that I pulled from a bag had him nearly tripping over his own feet to step closer and get a better look at it.
Since then he's been asking me every night when I'm going to wear it, but I keep ignoring him. Once he gives up on trying to get me to put it on for him is when I'll do it. Call me evil, but he's the one who taught me all about edging.
I think that once he's forgotten about it, that's the best time to wear it. Element of surprise of some sorts.
Niall has been bugging me the last couple days by asking me all sorts of different questions. He's been asking about my favorite food, favorite musical artists, what kind of cake I like... I think that he thinks he's being sneaky but with my birthday coming up and the kind of questions he's been asking I know that he's up to something related to it.
I've been playing along though, answering any questions that he has. It's funny to see him like this honestly. Muttering a, "Oh— uh, just asking." Any time I questioned why hes asking.
Niall has also been stealing me away from Harry for a few hours a night to train. Harry complains about it and usually follows us down into the gym but I get why Niall feels like it's a better idea for him to be the one to train me. He thinks that Harry would hold back with me, whereas Niall knocks me upside my head and laughs whenever he kicks a leg out from me causing me to fall down to the mat.
I think that Harry wouldn't exactly hold back with me, but I do think that he would take a different approach then Niall. Plus, training with Niall is way easier for me because anytime Harry starts working out and paying no mind to us, my eyes somehow find him and zone out. Of course within seconds Niall has knocked me to the ground, standing above me while shaking his head and scolding, "Stare at him later, learn how to fight now."
It's only been five days but I've noticed my reflexes becoming better– faster even. I can go longer without getting as tired and when I punch I feel more power behind it. I use to dread training in Oregon but since being in California I kind of look forward to it now.
The one thing that Niall does allow Harry to help with is the whole knives thing.
Niall found out that I do in fact have a fear of knives so he's been very adamant of helping me with it. He says that being able to use knives could be a nice advantage for me. Not only would it help me not be thrown into a panic attack by them anymore, but if I'm in close proximity with someone I could use them to defend myself since they are more easy to hide than a gun.
Each night Niall has brough them out, laying them on the floor near us and telling Harry to keep close by. Harry crouches near them as we finish our training and I'm not so sure if it's because he can easily cover them from my line of vision or if it's so that he can just stand closer to Niall and I while we train.
Either way seeing the knives is really distracting and Niall definetly gets a few soft blows into the side of my head with a lot more ease.
Another perk of being in California is the beach.
Currently we have been at the beach for a few hours now, Harry telling us he'd meet up with us a little later. He said he needed to go run an errand but he didn't say exactly what it was for. Usually when he doesn't tell me I figure it has something to do with The Nine or Conner so I just avoid it the best I can.
I've been getting pretty tan too. It's only been five days but my skin has always soaked up the sun so easily, my skin has been darkening while Liam is currently sat under an umbrella as red as a lobster right now. We've been spending our days in the pool, this being the first time that we've all decided to come to the beach together. Poor Liam has been sunburnt since the first day we got here.
Harrys skin is started to tan as well. Anytime he takes his shirt off I have to physically force myslef to look away from him and I've found it to be incredibly difficult.
Harry also betrayed me and told everyone that I don't know how to swim— which still isn't true.
I tried to defend myself and tell them that I do in fact know how to swim, which resulted in everyone having me swim to the other end of the pool and back. I might have fully doggy paddle my entire way there and back, but I still made it.
In my defense they never told me I had to swim a certain way. They just told me to go to the end and back, which I did.
Millie has been keeping a close eye on my at the beach today. She said that she promised Harry that she wouldn't let me drown so she had to stay close to me, which of course that just caused me to roll my eyes.
Being at the beach with Millie has been fun though. Shes energetic like me and finds no embarrassment in anything that she does. Somehow she had pulled me up from where I was sitting on a towel, enjoying the sun, and she was now having me help her teach Niall how to do a cartwheel. Niall was growing frustrated, saying it's not as easy as it looks, causing us to laugh given we had been doing plenty in order to teach him how to do one himself.
Thalia even got up an did one to prove that they were simple to do. Niall then deflected it by grumbling, "Yeah, it's easy for girls."
I swear I almost died of laughter as I watched Louis stand from where he had been laid back on his towel, perform a perfect cartwheel and then lay back down as if he hadn't done anything. Niall just stared dumbfounded, his jaw agape as he looked back over to Millie and I.
"Okay, maybe I'm just seriously uncoordinated then." He admitted.
"Did I just see Louis do a cartwheel?"
A familiar voice had a smile raising on my lips before I could even turn around to see him.
"You did." Millie said laughing, "And now it's your turn."
I turned to see harry approaching us, reaching up to his face and pulling his sunglasses off to toss them down to the blanket that we had spread out on the sand.
He wore a plain black shirt and shorts, his curly hair ruffled from the breeze that was coming from the shoreline.
"Sorry, Mills." Harry said reaching behind his head to pull his shirt off, my eyes falling down to his toned tattooed chest instantly. "No can do."
"Why not?" Millie questioned with a slight pout in her voice as Harry dumped his shirt onto my towel and started heading the few steps down to meet us.
His eyes shifted over to meet mine, a devilish grin playing at his lips. "Because it's time for me to give Rori a swimming lesson."
In a flash he had ducked down and thrown me over his shoulder. A startled yelp left me as I flew into the air, my arms flailing out to try and grab anything that they could. I hadn't been in the water yet today so as he charged straight into it causing water to splash up around us I was gasping at the freezing cold ocean. After a few feet of him stomping into the water I was suddenly being thrown from his shoulder. I screamed as I flew backwards, my body hitting the water with a rough splash as I completely submereged.
The initial impact from the water shocked my body from the chill and it took me a second to finally snap out of it and push myself up out of the water.
"You ass!" I yelled, though I could help the smile that twitched at my lips as I stood up in front of him and pushed my wet hair out of my face.
Harry laughed while looking down at me, his eyes gleaming in the sun as he stood in the water just above mid thigh. He is about six or seven inches taller than I am, so the water was deeper on me, plus he threw me a few feet out in front of him so the water was deeper over here.
The way he was looking at me made my smile falter a bit, my heart thumping loudly in my chest as his eyes skimmed down to look at my lips.
We've refrained from PDA in front of anyone, keeping our kisses a secret to everyone but Niall since he had walked in on us that first day in the music room.
For the most part it's been kind of fun to sneak around in a sense. I mean, everyone quite obviously know that there is something going on between us after walking into the kitchen the other day, but keeping a majority of it a secret and hardly even touching each other in front of them has been kind of fun. It's been hard to keep my hands off of him now that he's pretty much allowed me to have free access to his body whenever I please, but it's also fun knowing that we're keeping everyone wondering.
I'm sure after they walked in on us they had expected something more to come from it since Harry very obviously doesn't treat me as just another girl. However, hiding that part away from everyone has been fun too. They watch us with expectant eyes, everyone waiting for one of us to make a move but we never do.
Edging.
Millie and Liam have been super cute though. Thalia makes gagging noises anytime she sees them together but I'm sure it's just because she misses Jade. She said that Jade is coming down here in a few days, so hopefully she'll start feeling better once she's here with us. I know Thalia is probably just really worried with how far away she is from Jade.
I don't exactly understand the feeling that she would be going through since Harry and I aren't a couple. We're just friends, so the feeling that she has right now must be insane. I mean, I felt completely torn up when Harry was still in Oregon while we were on our way to California. Granted he was with people who were pointing guns at him and that tortured him, but I'm sure the feeling is worse for Jade and Thalia. Everyone knows that they are together so it would make Jade an easy target to try and draw Thalia out if that's what it came down to.
Harry and I have had a few converstations about the whole friends things as well. We decided that we are definitely more so friends with benefits than we are regular friends. We both don't really believe in relationships, him having never been in one and me being left with permenant lifelong trauma from mine.
We're both perfectly happy with keeping on how we are, both of us agreeing that we won't see anyone else or sleep with anyone as long as this continues between us.
It's weird hearing Harry agree to all of that.
I know that he's not really a, "having sex with only one person", kind of guys so us setting those ground rules with each other was kind of strange.
"I might be an ass," He smirked at me, his perfectly white teeth flashing in the bright sun. "But for some reason you still like me."
My brows shot up at him, "I wouldnt get too cocky about it, pretty boy. I could still change my mind."
"Mm..." He took a few steps closer to me, "You wouldn't dare."
He hooked his arms around my waist, my body falling flush against his as I put my hands up to rest against his chest. "Harry, they'll see us." I said, peering around his shoulder.
"As if they didn't already see me lick whipped cream off of you." His brows raised with humor laced through his words.
A flush burned up my neck, "Yeah but that was purely sexual." I countered, "This looks a lot more... intimate."
He faked a gasp at my words, "Aurora Brielle Walker, are you afraid of people seeing you being intimate with someone?"
"What? No, of course not." I shook my head with a bit of a laugh. "I don't care, but I didn't think that's what you wanted."
Harry smirked down at me as he turned our bodies sideways so that everyone on shore could now see our side profiles and not just his back.
"Prove it then."
"Harry..." I glared up at him. "I don't want to kiss you in front of your sisters."
He just shrugged, "Millie and Liam kiss all the time in front of everyone. Thalia and Jade use to do the same, and I'm sure as soon as Jade gets to our house it'll go back to being like that."
"You just listed off people who are in a relationship." I said with a laugh. "That's completely different than just being friends with someone. Besides, it might give them the wrong idea about us."
"What kind of idea would they get?" He tilted his head to the side with a look of innocence playing across his features.
I pursed my lips, my heart beat increasing. "That we're not just friends."
Harry shrugged again, "Let them think what they want. If they say anything we can always correct them on it."
I'm not going to lie and say that the thought of kissing him wasn't appealing. I don't exactly know what it is about him but anytime I'm near him all I want to do is kiss him. It's intoxicating. Since our first kiss it's like all I can do is think about when I'll be able to feel his lips against mine again.
"But, if you don't want to kiss me that's fine too." He shrugged again, "We can just go back up to shore and keep our distance from each other— keep pretending that we don't want each other as badly as we do in front of other people."
I shook my head, not even sparing a glace up to the shore as I whispered out, "Fuck it."
One of my hands moved from his chest to the back of his neck so that I could pull him down to meet my lips. I could feel him smile against me before his lips slowly started to move with mine. His fingers bit into the flesh exposed skin on my upper hips, my bikini not covering much other than being high enough up to hide my scar.
It was like the world dropped away. Both of us standing in the water as our lips connected for the first time since this morning.
Everything else fell away.
The people on the beach, the sea gulls flying above us, the sounds of the waves crashing against the shore.
There was only us.
The feeling of the electric flooded through my veins and sent my body into a frenzy of desperate need to have him closer. To feel him in every way that I could. His tongue met with mine, my lips curling as I tasted him.
He was definetly drinking a pink drink before he got here.
The blissful moment didn't last long however.
Just as quickly as the moment started, it was over. Harrys grip on me slipping as we both gasped out at the sudden impact causing of us to fall sideways into the water.
The icy water shocked me again, but not as much as the first time. I was able to pull myself from the water a lot more quickly, Harrys head popping up just as mine did. He pushed his now wet hair out of his face before launching towards Niall before I could even register what had happened.
"The fuck is wrong with you?!" Harry half yelled as he tried to pull Niall down into the water.
"You guys were being all gross and domestic!" Niall defended himself smacking Harry upside his head as he tried to get closer to me and away from Harry's hold. "I was just helping you guys out."
"Helping— How the fuck was that helping us?" Harry scoffed as he tried to lunge towards Niall again.
Niall was quick to jump behind my body, his fingers gripping onto my shoulders as he maneuvered me to stand between him and Harry. "I was just trying to save everyone, myself included, from having a repeat of the kitchen situation. Just because you guys are sleeping with each other now it doesn't mean it's any less weird for me to see."
"Millie and Liam are literally attached to each other all fuckin' day." Harry tried to reach around me to grab Niall, but Niall was quick to dodge his grip.
"Yeah well Millie is always kissing someone." Nialls grip on my shoulders lessened as he continued. "You're a fuckin' prick who never lets a girl kiss you in public, so excuse me for finding that weird as fuck to witness."
"Doesn't mean you had to fuckin' tackle us into the water!" Harry was once again raising his voice in hostility.
"I had to before anyone else noticed!" Niall tried to defend.
Harrys eyes squinted, "I didn't care if anyone else noticed."
"Oh?" Nialls hands dropped from my shoulders, his voice softer. "So what, you guys are like offical now or something?"
"Offical?" Harrys face pinched up, "Stop being fuckin' stupid, Niall."
I turned so that I was facing Niall now, my back towards Harry as I spoke up. "We're just friends."
Nialls eyes widened as he looked down to me. "Well, darlin' if I knew being friends with you entailed all of that I might have told you this sooner... But, you do know we're friends, right?" He wiggled his brows at me causing a laugh to excape from me.
Well, that was until Harry had launched forward and started to try and hold Nialls head under the water again.
Niall gained his footing quickly though and soon enough they were going at it waist deep in the ocean. Rolling my eyes I decided to go back up onto the shore and sit with everyone else while Niall and Harry finished... whatever it is that they're doing.
I do have to admit though, now that I know Niall and Harry are brothers it makes a lot more sense why Niall isn't scared of Harry and why they bicker with each other the way they do. It's a sibling rivalry.
Shaking my head with a small laugh I made my way up onto the sand. Thalia and Louis were both laying in the sun, neither of them caring what was going on in the water while Millie laid sprawled out on the blanket, her head on Liams leg as she watched me approach.
"What's their problem?" She asked nodding her head towards Niall and Harry still fighting in the water.
I shrugged as I bent down to grab my towel, brushing the sand off of my feet before I plopped down on the blanket as well. The large umbrella was now blocking the sun from me so I no longer had to squint in the harsh light. "Who knows... They always seem to find something to argue about."
"So true." She laughed as she turned her head to look back upward, her eyes closing.
I sat with the knees pulled up to my chest, my arms wrapping around them as I watched people doing their own things on the beach.
Some people were tanning, some playing frisbe and others laughing with their friends.
I've decided that I really like coming here.
I like the smell of the salty air, the feeling of the breeze dancing across my hot sun worn skin, the sounds of the waves hitting the water— all of it.
It was worth the wait.
Even if it was 21 years I think that every second of waiting was worth being able to feel this way sitting at the beach now.
"What do we have to eat?" I heard Niall grumble as he approached. "Fuckin' starved."
"Don't you dare step onto this blanket without wiping the sand off of yourself first." Millie held out a finger towards her brother. "I'll shoot you myself if you do— you too, Harry."
I turned my head to see both Niall and Harry approaching, neither of them having any bruises or a bloody nose so I figured their fight was rather easily resolved. I smiled up to Harry and held up my towel for him, a smirk crossing his lips as he plopped down beside me. We sat hip to hip facing opposite ways, his feet staying in the sand while I had my back faced that way.
"Thanks, baby." He said lowly enough that only I would hear him as he began to wipe the sand off of his legs and feet.
"Thalia, did you pack any food for us?"
"Yes, Niall." I could hear the annoyance in her voice as she sighed and leaned up from where she laid on her towel. "It's in the ice chest."
Hurriedly Niall began wiping off his feet with his towel so that he could get onto the blanket and get into the food.
Harry finished with my towel and tossed it down beside me, turning his body so that he had one leg tucked between us and the other propped up behind my back. If I were to lean back just a few inches I'd be resting on it and though the idea sounded appealing, my body craving to touch his in any way that I could find, I stayed sitting upright and watched as Niall rushed forward onto the blanket to get into the ice chest.
He pulled out a few containers, one being cut watermelon that had me reaching forward to grab it the second that he put it down onto the blanket. I crossed my legs and set the container in my lap as I popped off the lid. I went to reach my hand into it but Harrys was faster, his body leaning closer to mine as his hand knocked against my own to push it out of the way so that he could grab a piece of the fruit first.
I narrowed my eyes at him causing him to laugh. His eyes flickered over mine as he lifted the piece of fruit up to my lips for me. I felt a blush on my cheeks knowing that everyone could see us but went ahead and decided to bite into in anyway.
As he pulled it away he smirked at me and popped the remainder of the fruit into his own mouth. He gave me a cheeky grin as he chewed, my stomach fluttering from the prolonged eye contact.
I was about to look away, my body giving in under his intense stare, but his body leaning closer to mine and had me freezing in place. His knee knocked against my back, his hand coming up to hold my chin in place as he whispered, "Almost as sweet as you." Before placing a quick peck to my lips.
The action had me momentarily stunned. Kissing down in the water was one thing but to have him do it right here in front of everyone was shocking to me.
I found that I actually didn't mind it either.
Which, again, was shocking.
Harry and I both agree that we are just friends— friends that casually hook up and do benefitting things together, so I honestly thought that us kissing in front of his family would be weird to me.
But truthfully I found it to be the opposite. It felt casual.
Well, until Niall fake gagged. Harry and I pulling away from each other to see Nialls face drawn up at us.
"Get a fuckin' room." He groaned.
"We already have one." Harry said nonchalantly as he grabbed another piece of the watermelon. "I'd actually like to get back to it soon so can you hurry the fuck up and get the food out already?"
Niall rolled his eyes at Harry as he tossed him a sandwhich in a ziplock. "So goddamn bitchy when you're hungry."
That comment made everyone laugh, even Harry cracked a bit of a smile.
I like this. I like all of this. How easy everything has felt the last few days is really calming and it's done great to help soothe my piece of mind.
But still, in the back of my mind I can't help but have an unnerving sense of worry that it won't stay this way for long.
Being more exposed to the lives that they live now had me questioning how long things can stay good for. I don't want to jinx or ruin anything, but I just can't help but have an overpowering fear of what is to come.
//
an:
i'm so sorry. i know i've been gone for so long.
i swear i haven't been ignoring Insatiable, i've just been so incredibly busy (& now sick)
i went to 10/29 & harryween & now i am suffering horribly from what we are all collectively calling "the forum flu", which it turns out Harry has as well ):
anyway, i swear i'm about to make up for the time missed. i swear it!