I woke up to the harsh morning sun coming down through the sky light, my eyes squinting against the brightness as I stretched out my stiff limbs in the empty bed.
Wait— empty bed?
I looked around and realized that neither Harry or Jake were anywhere to be seen. They weren't on the balcony from what I could see and Harry wasn't in the bathroom, I could tell since the door was left open with the light off.
I sat up in the bed and reached over to see the sheets. Harrys side was already cold showing that he had been gone for a while at this point. I got out of the bed and walked out onto the balcony to look into the backyard to see if he was back there, but it was empty.
Deciding it was better to not think much of it I walked to my duffle bag and got out the medication I needed and dumped them into my hand. I tried to push away any thoughts of where Harry was or why he didn't wake me up to tell me that he was leaving, but of course that small part of me felt like he got what he wanted from me and now things were going to go back to how they used to be with us.
But I want to believe that isn't true. He was being nice last night after everything happened and even had me come closer to lay with him.
Plus, he's been trying more lately and I refuse to believe that he would go back to how he was in the beginning. He's made so much progress recently.
I stepped out of the room and pulled the door shut behind me, my bare feet padding against the cool floor as I made my way down the hallway. Harrys shirt fell just above my mid thighs, his boxers poking out just beneath the hemline so I was decently covered up without exposing anything.
I ran my hand back through my hair, my fingers working out the few knots that had formed while I was sleeping as I walked down the stairs. I was still a bit groggy, somehow still tired after a full nights sleep.
As I made it further down the stairs I could hear music coming from the first floor, the sound becoming more and more clear as I got closer. It was then that I realized that everyone might have come home and Harry probably came down to see them or talk to them about whatever it was that they were doing when they went to San Diego.
As I made it to the ground level I quickly debated over in my head how I would explain why it was that I was wearing Harrys shirt and boxers... I ran through a few options but I figured telling them that I ran out of clothes would be the only choice I had, and it seemed like the best one honestly.
It technically was the truth anyway.
As I stepped into the kitchen I saw Harry with his back to me, the marks on his shoulder showing me that I did in fact break skin last night when he told me to drag my nails down him harder. He was standing shirtless by the stove, a pair of grey sweats hanging low on his hips as he worked. The muscles in his back flexed as he made the simplest of movements, my eyes seemingly stuck in place on him.
After regaining myself a bit I moved towards the pantry in the far corner past the island counter. Harry stood in the middle of the kitchen so I walked behind him, near the wall, and headed to get a water bottle. I slipped into the pantry without much noise, the music covering any sound that I made.
I grabbed a bottle, tossed my medicine into my mouth and gulped back half of the bottle before heading back out to the kitchen.
Harrys head turned towards me as I shut the pantry door, a smile curling up on the corner of his lips. "Hey."
"Hey." I greeted back, my eyes falling down to look at the stove now that I could see it.
"Oh— uh, decided to make breakfast." I looked back up at him to see that he was looking back towards the pancakes he was making on the stove. "You hungry?"
I nodded, "Yeah, I am."
I took a few steps towards where Harry stood, my eyes on his side profile as he dumped the pancakes onto a plate on the counter and turned off the stove.
As I leaned against the counter next to Harry the song in the kitchen changed. Sex On Fire by, Kings of Leon was now playing throughout the space.
Harry turned to me, a smirk on his face as he heard the opening of the song.
"Lay where you're laying, don't make a sound. I know they're watching."
A blush flooded up my cheeks causing me to quickly look away from Harry, my eyes moving over the counter I was leaning against to seeing cut fruit, syrup, chocolate chips and a can of whipped cream sitting out on it.
"The kiddie-like play has people talking. They're talking."
A pair of hands on my waist caused me to let out a bit of a startled gasp as Harry spun me around to face him. My lower back hit the counter as Harry's fingers bit into my hips. Before I could process what he was doing he was already lifting me up to the counter behind me and slotting himself in between my legs, using his hands to wrap them around his waist.
"You, your sex is on fire!"
Harrys head bent down to my shoulder to kiss a slow line up my neck. My hands roamed up his bare arms, his fingers underneath my shirt to fold firmly onto my hips still.
"The dark of the alley. The breaking of day. Head while I'm driving, I'm driving."
One of his hands released my hip and his fingers teased at the waistband of his boxers I wore, my legs tightening around him to pull him closer to me. A whimper fell from my lips as our centers met causing my body to buzz with electricity.
"Soft lips are open. Them knuckles are pale."
Harrys lips met mine in a greedy kiss, but I was quick to pull back shaking my head as my hand flew up to cover my mouth. "I haven't brushed my teeth yet." I said truthfully.
"Don't care." He murmured, reaching up and pulling my hand away while his head came forwards again to connect our lips.
He untwined our hands as the fingers of his other hand dug into the skin of my hip, a moan leaving my lips as he smirked against me. With one final quick kiss to my lips, he pulled back from me, his head leaning back towards the ceiling.
"You, your sex is on fire! Consumed, with what's to transpire." Harry belted out the lyrics to the song, his head coming back down to face me with a widespread grin on his face.
He reached beside me and grabbed a cut strawberry, his head turning back towards me as he brought up to my neck, dragging it up the length to my lips where he wiped it across them before dropping it down to the counter.
"Hot as a fever. Rattling bones. I could just taste it." He sang with a smirk as he dipped his head down to my neck to lick and suck along the places he had just slid the fruit.
I panted with my head tossed back, my hips bucking forwards against his to try and ease the ache that was building in me. He moaned against me at the contact, his own hips digging into mine as he made his way up my jaw.
"You, your sex is on fire! Consumed, with what's to transpire!"
My fingers found his hair, his lips brushing against the corner of mine before he took my bottom lip into his mouth, his teeth nipping at it. He bit down onto it and pulled it back before letting it go, a groan of a mixture of pain and pleasure leaving me as my eyebrows furrowed at the feeling of it.
"And you, your sex is on fire! Consumed, with what's just transpired!" He sang along to the end of the song, my lips twitching up into a smile at the sound of his voice.
I could listen to it forever.
Harry pulled one hand away from me, fumbling it down into his pocket to pull out his phone. He paused the music and tossed his phone onto the counter before diving his head back into my neck.
"Je n'en aurai jamais assez." His lips pressed against my skin before reaching up to pull my shirt down to give him more access to my shoulder. "Je suis accro à ton goût, c'est si doux." His fingers bit into my skin, his hand pulling me closer to the edge of the counter, a gasp falling from me as he rolled his hips against me again through the material of our clothes. "Entendre les sons que tu fais quand je te touche est une musique pour moi." My head tilted back as he kissed along the base on my throat, my leg hitching higher on his waist to keep him close to me. "Je suis tellement accro à toi. Qu'est-ce que tu m'as fait, jolie fille?"
His head pulled back from me, eyes filled with lust as he looked down to me. His fingers curled around the hem of my shirt and I lift my arms up to let him pull it from my body. He threw it to the counter beside us, both of our breathing increasing from the smallest of actions.
His eyes roamed down me shamelessly, "Baise-moi... Comment es-tu si parfait?"
"English or I'm putting it back on." I warned as I reached towards the shirt laying beside me.
"Really liked hearing how good I made you feel last night..." He tsked, grabbing my wrist and pulling it away from my shirt. "But you're getting such a smart mouth on you recently." He leaned closer to trail his lips along my neck. "It'd be a shame if I were to have to fuck your mouth hard enough that you couldn't speak." His lips brushed against the shell of my ear before he pulled back to look down at me again.
My lips parted at his words, my mind reeling as he simply smirked down to me. His hands roaming up my body to cup at my chest, his hands groping over me to cause my head to fall back in bliss. He took the opportunity to kiss the base of my throat, a whimper fell from me as he pinched at my nipple, my body jolting in his hold.
"Got this out of the fridge out of habit because Thalia like it on her pancakes..." Harry spoke lowly as he reached behind me. "But I think I can find a better use for it."
I rolled my head forward to see him holding the whipped cream with a devilish smirk on his lips. A smirk of my own formed knowing what he was thinking and within seconds I was nodding my head in agreement.
"That's my girl." He smiled as he pulled the cap off the whipped cream.
He shook it and held it up to my lips so I parted them and allowed him to spritz some into my mouth. Keeping his eyes on my lips he pulled the can away from me and ducked his head forward to press his lips against mine before I even had the chance to swallow the whipped cream.
"Mm..." He subtly moaned into the kiss before pulling away, then slowly falling down to his knees in front of me. "On my knees for you twice in two days..." He murmured as he formed a line of whipped cream along my thigh. "You're ruining me."
I leaned back on the counter with my hands behind me as he finally met his lips to my skin. I hummed in approval as he licked his way up, his nose knocking against my center causing me to gasp and look back down at him.
He smirked up at me, his hand coming up to push me down further to lean back completely onto my forearms. He made another line starting at the hemline of his boxer I wore and going up my stomach, then taking a jagged turn to run over my breast before continuing up just below my throat.
I raised my brows at him as he put the whipped cream on my chest, Harry only shrugging and innocently saying, "I slipped."
"Mhm..." I laughed as he ducked his head down to start cleaning up the mess he had made.
My head was tossed back, my chest rising and falling heavily as he slowly made his way up my body. As he stood his body hovered over mine with his hands placed down onto the counter on either side of me. My legs wrapped around him again, his hips grinding into mine causing me to whimper at the contact.
His tongue lapped over my nipple, his mouth suctioning around it as he glanced up through his lashes at me. His teeth nipped at the sensitive skin, a desperate moan leaving me as I gripped onto his shoulders. He groaned against me and detached from my nipple to continue his way up my body.
Just as he was finishing cleaning it off of my collar bone a noise stopped us. Both of our bodies falling frozen.
"I told you they were fucking!" A familiar Irish voice sounded through the kitchen.
In a flash Harry had grabbed my shirt and threw it on top on my chest to cover me as he turned his back to me so he face the people now standing in the kitchen entrance. In a swift motion I pulled the shirt over my head, peering over Harrys shoulder as I pushed my arms through.
Of course, everyone stood in the entrance of the kitchen. Niall, laughing. Thalia staring wide eyed. Millie with one hand over her mouth, the other covering Liams eyes. Louis smirking as if he knew that this would be happening when they walked in.
"Niall." Harry gritted out, his body still slotted between my legs, one hand resting on the counter next to us and the other resting down on my calf.
"I'm just saying—" Niall could barely suppress his laughter. "You, uh, you got a bit of whipped cream." Niall pointed towards the corner of his own mouth to show Harry where.
Harry ducked his head down and used the back of his hand to wipe his mouth off, everyone laughing as he huffed in annoyance.
Millie pulled her hand away from Liams eyes, his brows furrowed as he looked around the room at us in confusion. Thalia shook her head, a ghost of a smile hinting at her lips as her eyes flashed to meet mine.
"Did you guys fuck on the food or is it still edible?" Thalia asked stepping into the kitchen to sit down at one of the bar stools.
"Fucks sake..." Harry raised his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. "We didn't fuck on the bloody food."
"So you did fuck then?!" Niall raised his brows as he followed Thalia into the kitchen, the others following too.
"I didn't say tha—" Harry sucked in a harsh breath. "Goddammit, fuck off, Niall."
"Well you said that you didn't fuck on the food, not that you didn't—"
"Niall." Thalia warned with raised brows.
"Fine, fine." Niall raised his hands defensively. "I'm just giving them shit because now Louis and I are officially the only ones not getting laid on a regular basis."
"Speak for your fuckin' self." Louis piped up, "I'm getting plenty."
My head fell forward in laughter, both in amusement from Louis' words and embarrassment from the situation. My head landed on Harrys shoulder, his hand coming back down to hold onto my leg as his thumb rubbed against my skin.
"It's no one's fault but your own that you decided to talk to someone living on the other side of the country." Harry spoke.
His words caught my attention and caused me to look up at Niall. His brows raised at Harry as he grabbed a pancake off of the plate, taking a bite out of it. No butter, no syrup, just plain.
"Lucky for you, I am." He said swallowing back the food. "Otherwise that might of been you walking in on me and Rori." Niall gave me a quick wink before backing away.
Harry's body stiffened as everyone, including me, laughed. His head turned back to face me with dropped brows as he grumbled out, "Not funny."
I tried to suppress my laughs, the whole situation both extremely funny and mortifying. I tapped on Harrys hip and gave him a slight push so that he'd move away from my legs. As soon as he stepped away I hopped down from the counter and leaned against it next to Harry, eyes still on us causing me to feel a flush run up my neck.
"I've known about this for ages." Millie said as she neared where Harry and I stood reaching out to the bowl of cut strawberries.
Harrys hand snaked behind me picking up the strawberry he had slid across my skin earlier and popped it into his mouth with a subtle smirk towards me. "Known about what?" He asked nonchalantly.
"You and Rori, dumbass." Millie popped a piece of strawberry into her mouth. "I've only been giving you shit about it for like the past month."
Thalia laughed from where she sat at the table, "I have too."
"Am I the only one who had no fuckin' clue?" Liam asked as he slumped down next to Thalia.
"Aw... It's okay, baby." Millie picked up another piece of strawberry, "At least now the attention is shifted off of us."
Niall's eyes flashed over to mine, a smirk on his lips as he picked up another plain pancake. "You're being awfully quiet, darlin'."
"Or maybe you're just being overly fuckin' annoying." Harry snapped, his eyes narrowing. "And if you're going to sit there eating all of those pancakes at least be useful and make more."
Niall scoffed, his hand holding his chest in mock offense. "Your words cut me so deeply, H. How will I ever recover?" He rolled his eyes as he turned and walked to sit across from Millie.
"I'll make more." Thalia said as she lifted herself up from the table.
Of course there were a few more subtle jabs towards Harry and I directed from Niall, but honestly I wouldn't have expected anything else. While Thalia made the rest of the pancakes everyone was laughing and having a good time with each other. Harry followed me over to the table and sat beside me, Niall making a comment about Harrys shoulder that had me wanting to run into the room and never show my face again. But Harrys hand coming down under the table to hold onto my upper thigh had me changing my mind and staying in place next to him.
Even in a situation that was anything less than mortifying, Harrys presence alone was enough to help ease it. Him being next to me and his hand on my skin made even thing easier to get through.
We all sat and ate breakfast together while everyone rambled on with small talk. We had pancakes and the strawberries and watermelon that Harry had cut, plus some blueberries that Millie pulled out of the fridge.
The entire time we ate Niall couldn't stop saying how much he loves California. It was mention in nearly every sentence he spoke.
By the time we finished breakfast Niall once again mentioned his love for California and how nice the weather is, so Millie had the idea for us to all go into the pool. All of us agreed, Harry more or less grumbling out a, "Yeah, whatever." In response when asked if he would come in with all of us.
So, after everything was put away and the dishes were put into the dishwasher Harry and I were heading up the stairs towards his bedroom. We walked in silence until we got to his room where he suddenly bursted out in a fit of laughter causing my eyes to go wide from the sudden outburst.
"What's so funny?" I asked, Harry waiting for Jake to walk in the room before shutting the door behind himself.
Harry shook his head looking down as he took a few steps towards me. "I don't think that I can actually remember the last tme that I was embarrased, but that was..." He laughed again as he reached where I stood. "Not gonna lie, that was kind of embarrassing."
"Oh god..." I mumbled putting my head down into my hands. "Don't remind me."
Harrys hands moved to wrap around my wrists and lower my hands down from my face. He hooked one finger under my jaw and forced my head up to face him. "You didn't say anything when they were questioning us."
I swallowed roughly, heart rate once again rising. "You didn't really say much either."
He paused briefly, his eyes flickering over mine. "I didn't know what to say."
"I didn't either." I admitted a bit quickly.
"I didn't want to agree with them and say that we slept together and risk pissing you off, but I also did want to say it didn't happen because it obviously did. I mean, I don't lie and plus that's not something that I'd not own up to." He watched me for a few seconds, his eyes dancing between my own. "Do you regret it?"
"No, I don't." I shook my head, meaning it. "Do you?"
Harry shook his head, his eyes flashing down to my lips. "Fuck no." His hands took hold of my waist and pulled me closer to him. "Fuckin' obsessed. All I can think about." His lips ghosted over my neck, "Was ready to fuck you on that counter before they all interrupted."
My hands slid up his arms and hooked onto his biceps as he buried his face into my neck. I waited, expecting him to advance further but he didn't. He sat there for a few moments just resting his head between my shoulder and my neck.
When he finally did move it was to pull me in closer, his arms hooking behind me as he pulled me flush against his chest.
"You saved me that night..." He muttered against my skin, his arms tightening around me as I hooked my arms around the back of his neck. "The night I overdosed." He clarified. "When I heard your voice it brought me back to consciousness. I didn't realize right away that I was alive, I thought I had died and I was finally getting to see my mum again. But when I realized it was you and that I was alive— I could feel your fingers on my skin and it was something I'd never felt before. Your voice, your touch, you... You made me want to fight to be alive that night."
My arms tightened around him, my head nuzzling into his shoulder as he continued to speak.
"I'm not good with words. I never have been. I guess that's why I write them down in songs because I can erase them and restart as many time as I need before I get them right." He took in a deep breath pausing. "So just let me know if this doesn't make sense, but I just really need to say it." He pulled back from me a bit, his face face a few inches away as his eyes searched mine, "From the beginning you've made me feel things that scared me. Things that I've never felt with anyone before. The way you push me and how you challenge me and don't back down from me— I've never experienced that before because everyone is always so scared of me. No one has ever tried to stand up to me like you do and you confused me for the longest time because of it. I just couldn't understand what it was about you that drove me so insane." His hand reached up to push back a piece of my hair and tuck it behind my ear. "But whatever it is, I'm tired of running from it."
The feeling that he's talking about is one that I have been struggling with since meeting him. The alluring stranger in the grocery store that didn't speak.
He was a dick, but even then I couldn't deny that I felt as if there was some type of pull towards him. I talked about him to Chloe and even let him consume my thoughts for a few days after meeting him.
It was all so strange to me.
Then after coming to live with him and his family I found that the pull was even worse. I never went out of my way to see him but again, I couldn't deny the small satisfaction I felt when he would find a way to be around me.
I know that things with us are far from perfect and that we still have a long way to go in learning how friendship works, but even so, right now everything feels so good.
Everything makes sense with us right now and I couldn't ask for much else.
I couldn't think of the words to form what I was thinking. Nothing I could say would be suffice enough to respond to what he just said to me.
Any simple sentence I could form, any response that I could put together wouldn't be enough to correctly respond, so instead I kissed him.
I pulled his head down to mine and pressed my lips firmly against his in an unmoving kiss.
His words hit deep with me. My heart was hurting at the thought of him thinking I had anything to do with him still being alive. The truth is, he's alive because he chose to fight. I might have went in there and found him but he was the one who made the decision to get up off of the floor and to keep going.
I had nothing to do with that.
I pulled back, our foreheads resting against each other as we both took in heavy breaths through our noses.
"I know I'm not great at this whole, "friends" thing," He said in between breaths. "I'm still not sure how it works, but one thing I do know is that I don't want you to kiss anyone else. The thought of you thinking of someone else in that way makes me feel crazy." He said honestly. "That might be selfish to ask from you, but I really don't want to see it."
How could I want to kiss anyone else anymore? I think he's broken me.
"I won't kiss anyone else if you dont." I compromised.
"I won't kiss anyone else." He laughed, "Before you I didn't even like kissing. Now I can't fuckin' get enough of it."
There was a silence that fell between us, his eyes closed as our foreheads remained together, my fingers lightly playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.
"I can't promise you that this is forever," He said in a whisper, just loud enough for me to hear. "Truth be told I still don't think that there is such a thing." His head pulled back, eyes opening to look into mine. "But, if it can be enough for you, I can promise you for now."
Right now.
"Right now is all I could ever ask for." My thumb smoothed over the side of his neck. "It's more than enough."
Any amount of time feeling like this is something that I could never regret. Feeling this at ease and this happy, it's more than I thought I was capable of feeling.
Harry leaned his head forwards again, our foreheads resting on each other as he took in a deep breath, his eyes closing once more. "J'ai peur des hauteurs..." He spoke in a barely audible whisper. "Please don't let me fall."
//
an:
hi guys, sorry the update is 2 days late.
my cars transmission went out wednesday morning & for a few days i thought i wasn't going to have a car to get to LA for my shows next weekend. i also thought i was going to lose my job since i wasn't going to have transportation, but i got a car yesterday!!
i sold my old one this morning & i have my new one, so all is good now.
if anyone is going to 10/29 or harryween next weekend, see you there!! <3
anyway, back to normal uploading. every tuesday & friday. mwah <333