a/n: you guys make me sappy. thanks for 15k reads im lowkey dying right now ha ha ha :) ANW IM BACK and that mini-hiatus kinda fits w this chapter so yes. enjoy (hopefully)
And then she was just...gone.
No messages. No replies. Not even that annoying Facebook notification that tells you whether or not the person has seen your message. She was just...gone.
He contemplated going to her house and apologizing again, but he just knew it wouldn't turn out well. She'd be even more furious at him, and she'd never want to see him again. But he seriously thought about it, about going to her house and seeing her one last time before walking away and never seeing her again.
Because three days in without any sign of her was killing him, slowly but surely.
He had school that day, but he wasn't in the mood. He wasn't in the mood for anything. Suddenly everything was annoying the hell out of him, from the way his door creaks all the way to how the girl he sits next to in English would not stop talking.
"Would you please for the love of God shut the fuck up for one fucking second?" he said irritatedly, bringing his fingers to his temples.
The girl was scandalized. Unfortunately, so was the teacher, who had just walked in the room.
Fuck my life.
He was sent to the principal's office and got detention for swearing. That fact pissed the living hell out of him. They weren't fucking five year olds playing with each other during recess. Everyone needed to grow the fuck up.
He met Luke in the hallways when he was sitting on the bench by the Principal's office. "Whoa. What are you doing here?" the blonde boy asked with a slight frown.
"Got kicked out for swearing. Can you believe that?" He groaned frustratedly, squeezing his eyes shut. "I want to go home and maybe die."
"Calum. You haven't been like this since...Leia," Luke said, and right after he said her name he regretted it. Calum's eyes flew open in a mixture of regret and hurt and anger and to Luke it was a terrifyingly dangerous combination on Calum.
"Because it's her, Luke," Calum said in a dead, monotonous voice. "It's not being with her and it's driving me fucking insane! You know last night I just kept watching this video she showed to me like three weeks ago, it was of this duck family just, you know, waddling onward minding their own business and then the wind comes and fucks them up and her ducklings are fucking rolling around on the ground being screwed over by the wind and the Mama Duck's like oh my god my fucking babies but she can't do shit because the wind's too strong and– " He closed his eyes. He felt like he blacked out for a solid moment while he was telling Luke about the duck video.
Luke whistled. "God damn. You need to chill."
Calum sighed. "Just search it. Ducks blown over by wind. It's funny at first but I just got kinda sad after watching it again and again. Still cracks me up but. There's sadness in there somewhere."
"Damn." Luke scratched the back of his head, unsure what to say. "You really loved her, didn't you?"
The dark-haired boy couldn't help but laugh, an exhausted, nothing-better-to-do laugh. "And why do you say that?"
"Because she fucked you up this bad."
-
Later that night Calum did his normal routine: going over to Facebook, checking to see if she's seen his message. Not yet. And for some reason this hurt him more than if she had seen them but had not replied.
So he did what people do when they missed someone dearly: he read and reread every conversation they had and smiled a little to himself remembering how amazing it felt to just tell her about his day and listen to her about hers. It was all simple, mundane things, but now he felt like he just lost paradise.
"Hey, Cal," Luke said, poking his head in. "They're here. Come on. You promised you wouldn't be a sad sack of wine."
"Sack of wine? Was that supposed to be an insult?"
The blonde boy shrugged. "I heard it on Troy."
And Calum smiled genuinely for the first time that day, thanking Luke silently for putting up with his shit and being his best friend.
Putting on his best I'm okay smile, Calum jumped out of bed to join Michael and Ashton outside. They had ordered take-out and greeted Calum with sad, slightly pitying smiles.
"Hey, buddy," Michael said, overdoing the whole Be Nice To Calum thing. Normally he'd scream some kind of insult at Calum for making them wait for him. "How're you holding up?"
Calum cleared his throat. "Still alive but I'm barely breathing," he sang softly.
"Just praying to a God that I don't believe in," Luke joined in, which surprised them all. Calum laughed and clapped his hands when he continued again, "Because I've got time, while she's got freedom..."
Then Michael joined in. "Because when a heart breaks, no, it don't breakeven."
Then it kind of turned into an impromptu karaoke: Ashton joined them in the chorus, tapping on the coffee table like it was his set of drums. Michael basically sang all the guitar riffs and background instrumentals, while Calum and Luke sang, the former taking the lead.
It was a purely fun, serendipitous moment. Sining with his four best friends. Which sounded a bit weird, since they were teenage boys, but somehow for Calum it made him felt better. Because he was singing about her.
"What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you? What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up, but you're okay? I'm falling to pieces, yeah."
Calum spoke the last line more than sang it. He sighed heavily, plopping himself down on their couch. "I'm falling to pieces," he repeated quietly.
And with that the atmosphere turned sad again, all of them gathering around Calum to help him through his heartbreak. They weren't sure how to approach this, since none of them had ever fallen really hard for one girl. From day one, they all suspected Leia was something different, and now they knew for sure.
"But you did the right thing, Calum. At least she found out straight from you, yeah?" Ashton told him encouragingly, clapping his back.
"I wish I didn't, honestly."
"But you did, and that's what matters," Michael supported, nodding. "It's better than staying a dick."
Calum absentmindedly took a box of Chinese takeout and began eating it in a mixture of sadness and hunger. "I just miss her."
"We know," Luke said. His eyebrows rose a little. "I can hear you at night, you know."
Michael and Ashton gasped, whipping their heads at the blonde boy. "Hear him doing what?" Ashton asked.
Luke furrowed his eyebrows. "Ma—"
"MASTURBATING?"
Calum had enough of their conversation. "Oh my God. I'm literally right in front of you." He cut his glare to Luke. "And I'm not masturbating, what the fuck?"
Luke had his mouth in a little o. "I was going to say making mixtapes of sad songs." He smacked Michael and Ashton in the head. "Dirty little shits."
They all chuckled, but looking at Calum they knew he still wasn't fully there. And they felt extremely helpless, because how could they mend a teenage punk's broken heart? Michael, Ashton and Luke shared looks. Through some weird telepathic best friend thing, they understood each other. We need to talk to Leia.
"I just need something to distract me," Calum mumbled, chewing thoughtfully.
Michael coughed, taking his cue as the God of Distraction. "That cover of Breakeven though," he said. The room grew quiet before he said, "We should start a band."
"We should TOTALLY start a band–"
"WE SHOULD START A BAND!" Then they were all sort of screaming at each other like the excited teenagers they were. They were all talking above each other, trying to push their ideas through. Finally Luke, always the calmest one, shouted a full "Stop!"
"First of all, what should the band name be?" he continued.
"Michael and the Gang," Michael cheerfully offered, looking pleased at himself.
Everyone ignored him. "Bromance!" Ashton shouted, wrestling Calum into a hug, and they all laughed.
"We gotta go with something cool. Like The Broken Scene or some emo shit like that," Calum told them.
"Clifford and The Big Red Dogs!" Michael tried again. This time, he was flipped off by the other three boys simultaneously.
"I got an idea. What about Legen - wait for it - dary! Legendary!" Luke said happily, quoting the famous Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother, his favorite show.
"We'd get sued for that, Luke," Calum said with a small smile.
The other boy shrugged. "It's a start."
And it was a start. Because Calum was already feeling better, just being with his best friends talking about their dreams of starting a band. And even though garage bands usually never made it big, Calum didn't mind. Because he was allowing her to slip from his mind, even just a little.
She would never escape his thoughts, that much he knew. But at least he wasn't so heartbroken all the time.
(a/n: i know breakeven is kinda old now but it just seemed appropriate lmao)