Delilah Lavigne
Harry knows something is wrong.
It's not like I've been hiding it by putting a brave face on. I definitely haven't acted like myself, even though I don't know who I really am anymore.
I don't know how I can keep going everyday with a smile on my face. It's so hard to even get out of bed anymore without feeling like I'm being weighed down and pushed further and further, sinking into the ground.
It's almost as though everything around me has shifted. All of the people I care about look unfamiliar to me, I view them all differently. When Harry says the words 'I love you' they don't make me feel good inside like they did before. When he kisses me I don't feel butterflies anymore.
I am so in love with him that it hurts. I keep trying to force myself to not think about the pit deep inside my stomach when I'm around him but it's hard. I can't even explain why I feel this way because I don't know.
Well, at least I keep telling myself I don't.
You see, I went into this job and into their world expecting to become a different version of myself. A better one, a badass one, a fearless one. But since then all I've felt is pain, agony, hate and torture. I don't like who I've become.
I especially don't like the fact that I'm bringing everybody down with me. Every day I'm reminded of what I've caused.
Loss.
And soon I fear that I will invite more.
That's why I've thought long and hard about my decision. And that's why I'm not uttering a word to anybody about it, I'm just keeping it to myself even though it physically hurts to do so.
I know the others can see something's wrong as well. I hear them whispering, I catch their worrying glances, their narrowed eyes trying to read me and figure out what's wrong. It's funny because they think I don't know but lately I've seen and heard a bit of everything just by keeping to myself.
Jade tried to push it out of me once, we were at the house whilst the guys were at Reign. She would not give up, I almost felt bad for her.
I got so aggravated from her constant pushing that I yelled at her, told her to leave and not come back. When Jade told Niall and word got back to Harry, it wasn't pretty.
I've been pushing everyone away. It's not like I want to but it's necessary for what's to come.
What I'm planning on doing will hurt Harry, I know that. But it's the only way I know he'll be safe.
I've tried to go through what to say word for word in my head but it seems impossible. I can already envision the look on his face. Pain.
That's why I'm writing everything down right now, planning to give it to him after all is settled.
I am going to keep it in a place where I know he'll look, he's been bugging me for a long time to see something of mine that I've been hiding from him. If I leave it out in the open he will look through it and see what I left him.
Considering all this, I've contacted the one person I know that can help me do this and we're set to meet thirty minutes now.
I forced Harry out of the house, wanting him to be occupied while I do this so he doesn't ask questions. I asked Zayn to take him somewhere, told him I just needed some space from Harry. He understood since Harry never wants to leave me alone. I get it, he's scared I'll do something to myself but I would never do that again as long as I can control it, and I have.
He doesn't even know why I'm acting this way, and that's for the best until the time has come.
I pull into the parking lot of the restaurant, park my car and jump out. My feet are moving faster than my brain because as I approach the door I accidentally bump into someone's front.
"My bad." I force an apologetic smile to the middle aged man trying to exit the restaurant.
My eyes avert around the room looking for the table I reserved, "How can I help you?" A woman wearing a long sleeved buttoned maroon work shirt greets me. Her name tag reads Linda.
"I have a reservation for two at 3:30. The name on it should be Delilah."
She reads over the book and once she spots my name she smiles, "Right this way." She grabs two menus and walks towards the booth. When I approach it I see it's empty.
She asks what I want to drink and I tell her water. "I'll be back once the other person arrives to take your order." She walks away.
I wait impatiently for almost ten minutes, chewing on my fingernails, running my hand through my hair and constantly fidgeting in my seat until finally, I see feet at the table.
I lift my eyes and see him, "Sorry I'm late." He takes off his coat and sets it on the booth beside him and slides in front of me.
It feels so weird to see him again. He still looks the same but something about him is unrecognizable.
"You're here now that's all that matters." I mutter, clasping my hands in front of me on the table.
"Haven't heard from you in a while, where've you been?" Enzo asks.
I shrug, "Well I was on tour as you know. Then I was kidnapped and tortured, then my friend died. Same old same old."
His eyes widen, "Oh. Alright then."
The server comes back to take our order and walks away after I ask for just a salad and Enzo orders a burger with fries.
He clears his throat, "So, what's this about? I know you didn't ask me here to catch up."
"No I didn't. I want— I need your help with something."
He sits up in his seat and leans in closer, "You don't call or text in what, six months? Now suddenly you need my help?"
My eyes roll, "Like I said, I've been busy. Now are you gonna listen to me or not?"
He sighs, "Still bossy as ever. Fine I'm listening."
"You're going to help me run away."
His eyebrows furrow and he pulls his head back, "Why would I do that? Wait why would you do that?"
"I need to. It's the only thing that will keep everyone I love safe. Luca is trying to relocate us, so they go wherever he wants and I go the other way."
"Why would you leaving automatically make them safe?"
"Everything bad that has happened to them is because of me. The only way to prevent more pain and loss around them is me being gone, and you're the only person I know that can help."
Enzo chews on his lip and narrows his eyes at me, "You're willing to lose everyone you love just to assure their safety?"
I nod.
He hums, "Wow. I've never heard anything like this before. I envy you Delilah."
I shake my head, "Don't."
He's making it sound like it's such an easy thing to do. To just let go of your loved ones and move on. I know it's not.
"So? Will you help me?"
He purses his lips, "When are you planning to do this?"
"Luca set the date for us to move a month from now."
His eyebrows arch and his eyes widen, "A month? Jesus Christ you are the worst at planning."
"Yeah well it's not something I fucking decided on in a day. I had to come to terms with this for a while."
He inhales a deep breath, his hand runs through his now dark brown hair, "Alright. I can help you. Where are you planning to go?"
"The furthest place from Washington. That's where they're going."
"I have facilities from here all the way to Rhode Island. You will have places to bounce to and from, but Delilah—" he lowers his head to my eyesight and I lift mine to meet him, "I'm gonna be honest with you. You can't just run and hide from everyone forever. Harry will come looking for you and it could get him killed."
I chew on my lip, "I have everything else planned out to assure that won't happen."
I hope.
"Good, because then his blood would be on my hands and quite frankly I have too much on them for that to happen."
"What does that mean?"
He looks at me like I'm stupid, "You're not just running from them. You're running from my father too."
Fuck I didn't even consider Luca in all of this, which is the most challenging.
"You didn't think about him, did you?"
I shake my head slightly and close my eyes, "You can make sure he doesn't find me right?"
It stays silent.
"Enzo promise me you can do that for me."
Silence.
I open my eyes and see him looking at me with pity, "I'm gonna try." he says.
I nod.
In the midst of our conversation I didn't even realize that our food got here long ago, but I can't eat. Not after the confirmation I just got.
I toss a ten dollar bill on the table and stand up, I throw my purse around my shoulder and look down at him, "Thank you."
He nods at me, "We'll be in touch, yeah?"
"Yes." I say, once I get to the door I look back at Enzo to see him on a phone call then leave the restaurant as fast as possible.
Once I get in my car it's dark outside, I don't know how long we were in there for but I know Harry is home now and probably blowing my phone up worried about me.
I don't bother turning my phone on since I'm close.
Right as I pull up to his house I see him sat on his doorstep, my headlights flash in his eyes. He stands up awaiting me to get out of the car.
"Where the hell have you been?" He greets so nicely just as I shut my door.
"Nice to see you too babe." I go to walk past him but he grabs my arm to stop me, "Delilah you haven't answered any of my calls or texts, you've been gone for hours and I had no idea where you were I almost called—"
I force my arm out of his grip, "Harry stop! I am allowed to go wherever I damn please, I do not have to check with you to do so you're not my fucking dad."
He looks at me baffled, there's a crease between his eyebrows, "I was just worried about you, I know you don't have to but you shouldn't just run off somewhere and not tell me where and not talk to me for hours."
"What I do is none of your goddamn business." I walk into the house and go straight to the bedroom.
He slams the front door and walks in behind me, "Alright I don't know what the hell your problem is lately but you're acting like—"
I swiftly turn around, "Like what? Huh?"
He stare back at me with a blank face. His nostrils flare like he's trying to hold back, "Like a bitch."
Before I can even think about it my hand is flying towards his face, but he catches it before it strikes. "I wouldn't do that if I were you." His jaw clenches.
"Fuck you." I spit.
I grab my purse and fling it around my shoulder then walk into the kitchen to grab my keys that I threw on the counter, "Yeah just run away again, it's what you're best at." He shouts, leaning against the doorframe.
I immediately stop in my tracks.
He has no idea what those words will truly mean in a months time.
I have to force myself to just walk away, knowing that if I say something now I'll regret it later.
I get in my car and just drive. I don't have anywhere to go. Jade and I aren't on good terms and it's not like I could stay with any of the guys because that's just weird.
An hour into my drive my phone starts buzzing, figuring it's Harry I don't bother checking it.
Then it buzzes again and one more time until I finally pick it up, "What do you want?!" I answer.
"Woah, you okay?"
I check the caller ID to verify who it is, "Oh shit sorry Louis. I thought it was Harry."
"Damnit."
I clear my throat, "What?"
"I called you thinking you were with him. He won't answer any of our calls."
"What did you need?"
"Did you not see? Something happened down at the precinct. Luca has been M.I.A and they sent an alert to all of the employees including us telling us to be on guard, they think something happened to him."
"What? I didn't get an alert."
"Hm weird. Anyways, we just wanted to make sure you guys are okay. When's the last time you saw him?"
"About an hour ago." I'm starting to get a little worried. It'd make since that he isn't answering their calls in any other circumstance but knowing something happened to Luca and Harry being pretty much his right hand man could put him in danger too.
"I'm sure everything's fine. I can hear in your voice that you're scared but don't be. Just stay where you are and we'll go find him."
"Okay thank you. Bye."
Fuck that, I'm going to the house just to be sure. I'll probably beat them there anyways.
*****
I was right, I pulled into the house in less than thirty minutes and none of their cars were here.
I leave my car running and run up to the door, inserting my key into it. The house is dark when I open it, "Harry?" I shout.
Silence.
"Harry where are you?!" I run around the entire house just to find it completely empty.
I run back outside and don't see his car here either. "Jesus Christ." I press my hand against my forehead.
If something happened to him I will never forgive myself.
I hear what sounds like a stick breaking on the side of the house, "Harry?" I whisper.
My arms cross over my body from the cold wind as I walk closer, "If you're trying to scare me it's working, so give it up."
Bushes rustle in the distance which almost gives me a heart attack. I turn back around to go in the house and just wait for Harry but someone stands right in front of me, blocking the way. I gasp at the sight and my eyes widen, "What are you—"
I feel something hard hit my head, a cold liquid drips down.
I fall to the ground.
My vision is making my surroundings blurry, my head is throbbing and I feel so tired. My eyes shut without my control.
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DONT WORRY DARLING IS SO MOTHER EFFING GOOD GO WATCH IT RIGHT NOW.
catching a break is an unknown thing for delilah