He stood looking out of the glass doors to the balcony which overlooked the training grounds. I wondered if he always took shelter here whilst I trained. In his left hand he held a chalice and in his right a long strip of golden and emerald colour fabric. He stroked his thumb over it idly as he looked out.
"Loki, please talk to me." I walked over to him but paused a few steps away, wanting to keep my distance just in case. At the sound of my voice, a piece of fabric he had been holding disappeared before he downed his drink.
"Haven't you embarrassed me enough for one day." I rolled my eyes before closing the gap between us, slinking my arms around his waist. I thought contact would calm him down, and honestly I needed the comfort from it as well. It hurt me when he tensed up at my touch, so I pressed my lips against his shoulder softly to try to get him to relax. To my surprise, he pushed at my hands around his waist and walked away from my grip.
"You embarrass yourself with your own actions, Mischief." He conjured another drink, but I refused to let his hand move. He raised an eyebrow at me as my seiðr swirled around his skin in a golden mist. With a flick of my wrist I put his chalice into the subspace. To my surprise, after I'd done so I found myself locked out. All my possessions closed off from me in one quick thought from him. My lips parted in shock as I stared up at him.
"You dishonour me every opportunity you get. There isn't a Lord, Lady or servant in this palace who doesn't believe that you seek the Crown Prince's affections now. The amount of rumours that follow you two... I believe you might have hit a record." I laughed bitterly at his words.
"Rumours? Of how I teleported us away so I could speak to him about you? That I visited his bedchambers to retrieve my very drunk kærasti? Or of how I danced with him at the banquet you refused to attend? Had you cared enough to be there it would not have happened." He closed the gap between the two of us, towering over me. He was trying hard to make me scared of him, or at the very least a little frightened.
"My presence was there long enough to see how comfortable you've gotten in his arms."
"Do you even know how preposterous you sound?" I tried to back up but he grabbed my wrist.
"Is it truly preposterous, Kaya? You have fucked him!" This was the Loki everyone saw. The one people warned me about. The one who lost himself to jealousy and would hurt everyone in order to feel better about himself. It is the one that plotted against Thor years ago, and the one that was easily exploited by The Other. It was rare for me to see this side of him, his logical side normally winning out. And I found myself at a loss. I had no idea how to break through to him now.
"How many men and women have you fucked, Loki? How many of them do I hold against you?"
"Kaya–"
"And how many men and women do you think I've fucked? I remember around thirty, but there are far more out there, most of which ended up with my dagger slitting their throats. How many of them will you hold against me?" He didn't get the point I was desperately trying to make. I wondered if he ever would. Even without my actions he would have always remained deeply jealous of Thor on some level. My past made it way worse.
"None of them were him!"
"Loki..." I had to stop this. He had to see reason before he fell too far into his own delusions.
"Am I wrong? My kærasta seeks comfort in the company of my brother. Am I mistaken in my understanding of your past with him?"
"Loki!"
"Then say you do not care for him. Say you do not find comfort in his embrace. Let me ascertain your ability to lie to me." I flinched as he used my own words against me. He was spiralling fast and I didn't know how to stop it. His hand remained wrapped around my wrist and it was tightening. I also knew I wasn't in a position to be able to communicate with him properly if he kept pushing me.
"Yes Loki, I did fuck him. On three different occasions. I also find his hugs extremely reassuring. I've danced with him. I've sparred with him. I have spent a lot of time alone with him. And none of that matters."
He threw my wrist away as if it had burnt him. He pushed that hand through his hair in frustration as the other gripped the chalice so tight I was surprised it didn't break in his hand.
"Then go seek him out, I'm sure you'd rather spend time in his company."
"Like I have a choice." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. And I really didn't mean for them to come across as they did. But then he strided over to me and I immediately backed up until I hit some piece of furniture behind me. Once I couldn't move anymore his hand came around my throat. For the first time in a long time I was scared of him.
"Loki, you are crossing a line."
"It is I that crosses a line? You speak of fucking my brother, of wearing his colour and I cross the line." I groaned, bringing my hands through my own hair in frustration.
"You are the one who brought up my past with him. You are the one who dressed me in his colours so you could fuck me, bruise me, and then abandon me in the morning."
"You–"
"Are you so lost to your own darkness that you fail to see what you are doing, ástin mín?"
"Don't you–" His hand tightened slightly around my throat and I cut him off.
"Get your hand off of my throat, Loki." Thankfully, he did. I didn't want to hurt him, but if he was going to threaten me then I might have to. And maybe a stint in the cells would cause him to rethink his actions.
"You are mine. You admit as much, you even speak to me as if this were the case, yet you insist on acting as if you are not. Seeking out my brother, flirting with other Lords, insisting on wearing those mortal clothes." His voice was low, and I already knew what direction he was heading in. It was the exact same way he acted the night before. When his hands came out to my hips, I grabbed them before they could come in contact with my body.
"I'm not seeking him out. All I've wanted this entire time is for you to talk to me." It was as if he didn't hear me at all, or even really see me. Anything I did would only be interpreted in a way that fed into his insecurities.
"Kneel."
"Loki..."
"Do not make me repeat myself, pet." He was lost in his own rage. So clearly struggling alone out of spite. He was so lost emotionally that he'd convinced himself that physicality is the only way he still had me. I wondered if he really had convinced himself that I didn't want him anymore, and how that could ever have come across from my actions.
"Last night was clearly a mistake, Loki. I know we both wanted it, but if this is what the outcome is then I will not be doing it again. I won't have sex with you until we talk."
"Don't play games with me, Kaya. On your knees."
"They aren't games, Loki. I'm not fucking you." He flinched back from me like he was in pain. And he so clearly was in pain. I just wanted to bring him into my arms and hold him, but I knew I couldn't risk moving right now. I could still feel the ghost of his hand around my neck and I wasn't entirely sure that he wouldn't hurt me.
"Would you rather fuck him?"
"Of course n–"
"Run back to him then. It's what you do, right? As soon as things aren't going exactly your way you run to the nearest person who can make you feel better." He slowly strided back over to me. Shocked, I backed up slightly, biting the inside of my cheek to try to stop the tears from building. "Go to him now like some cheap whore." My hand twitched as I longed to slap him. His eyes drifted to them for a split second and he raised his eyebrows at me. "Do you long for him, darling? Hoping he'll comfort you tonight?" He was trying to push me to hurt him, hoping that I'll feed into his anger. I knew this. But that didn't mean I could stop myself.
"He wouldn't abandon the bed in the morning." His hand twitched over his dagger. In my heart I knew that the dagger wouldn't have been for me, but the fact it went there at all was too far. He laughed bitterly as he stepped back from me. And I swore at myself in a whisper. "Can we just take a breather so we can both calm down and then finally talk, Loki. You have to want to otherwise you wouldn't have sought me out." He walked towards the door without a second of hesitation. "Do not walk out on me again, Odinson." It didn't stop him, he didn't even falter once.
"Until next time, Lady Kaya." I threw the doors shut, keeping them closed against the force of my seiðr.
"Don't you dare walk out of that door, Loki!"
"Go seek comfort from him." His hand was still on the door, waiting for me to let him leave.
"I do not have feelings for Thor!"
"Liar." He finally turned to face me.
"Don't you dare. I do not care how far you are lost in your own delusions. Don't you dare stand there and hear lies when I tell you I do not care for him nearly as much as I do for you. Don't pretend to find deceit in my words when I say you are who I love. That you have my heart and no one else ever will." He flinched slightly at my tone, and I just sighed, forcing myself to calm down as much as I could. "I'm sorry I slept with him, Loki. I will spend the rest of my life regretting it. It meant nothing to either of us. The sex I've had with any other person has never meant as much as it has with you. Deep down you have to know that." He began speaking fast in his native tongue and I barely understood a word of it. As he spoke he paced slightly, running his hands roughly through his hair. I went to walk over to him, reaching my hand out to show my intention. He jumped back from me.
"Don't."
"Talk to me. Please."
"Fuck, none of this even matters anymore."
"If it doesn't matter, then what has this all been for? What was even the point of me coming here if it doesn't matter?" He was shutting me out. His mask was on, he stopped pacing and his eye flickered to the door. He was still forming a plan to leave, and I suspected he didn't intend to just be gone for the day.
"You came here because you needed protection."
"I came here because I love you. Because you said you loved me. Does that not matter now?"
"No. I suppose it doesn't." He was trying to hurt me. I kept trying to remind myself of that. It didn't stop it feeling like my heart was broken, a deep ache radiating out from my chest.
"You can't mean that."
"And if I do?" He just wanted to hurt me. That was his goal. Hurt me so I'll hurt him. He was just feeding his insecurity. He couldn't mean it. But his actions, his desperation, his inability to be around me. There was a nagging voice in the back of my head that tried to convince me that it was true.
"Then tell me you don't love me."
"Kaya–" His eyebrows creased, but I couldn't tell if it was true hurt or pity for me. If his goal was to feed my anxiety then he'd already won. I couldn't distinguish anything anymore.
"I don't know what you want or what you are hoping to accomplish anymore, love. But if you want me to stop trying to get through to you, stop talking to you, then say it. If you want to hurt me, then say it. Because as long as I think there is someone in there worth saving then I will not stop. So if it no longer matters, look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me. If you do that, and I don't hear any lies in your words, then I'll let you leave. I'll stay until I'm called back to Earth and then I'll be out of your life forever." He reached out for my cheek, softly stroking it with his thumb.
"Tomorrow." He turned back around towards the door.
"Tomorrow? What's tomorrow?" I felt him begin to channel his seiðr. Either he was going to force himself through the doors or teleport away from me. I couldn't allow either to happen. I put a shield around us, forcing every single rune I knew on them. It wasn't comfortable to do it. I constantly had to channel energy to maintain it and I wasn't used to the strength of them. Even Loki seemed surprised as he tried to leave them. We'd both always been able to get pass each other's shields because we shared seiðr. But this wasn't just my seiðr.
"How are you–" That wasn't a conversation for now.
"Please, Loki. I am begging for you to talk to me. I know you are in pain and hurting. You can try and hide it all you want but it's obvious. I also know you wouldn't act like this without a reason or trigger. Let me help you like you've helped me."
"Kaya–"
"If you don't, if you keep refusing to listen to reason or warning, and if you keep treating me like this, then you are right. It won't matter how much I love you. You are quickly running out of chances, my love. I won't want to do it, but I will leave if I have to." I couldn't just wait for him to talk to me. Though I could feasibly keep him here until I exhausted my seiðr, it wouldn't do anything good. So I let the shield down and opened the door for him myself. "If you aren't here by nightfall don't expect me to be." Maybe I should have been surprised when food arrived in the room and he never showed. But I wasn't anymore. Instead I was just furious. No longer caring, I dressed in some jogging bottoms and a vest top from home and teleported to an unsurprisingly empty study. I didn't think he'd still keep to his study now I knew where it was. I rummaged through the documents he kept locked away in here, noticing some documents on the stones as well as some books on runes I didn't recognise. I packed everything interesting into a leather bag I found and made my way to Thor's. When the door swung open I was surprised to see Thor finally wearing something other than his armour. He had washed his hair and it hung loose at damp around his face, leaving dark droplet stains on his dark red tunic. He was also surprised to see me but stopped speaking as his eyes glanced over some of the bruises on my body that were covered earlier.
"Also from last night, so don't call for Mjølnir just yet. May I come in?" He raised an eyebrow at my question, causing me to roll my eyes.
"Kaya, I know you think jealousy is the way to go, but–"
"I'm not here to make him jealous, Thor. I just need somewhere to crash." He sighed and shook his head slightly but stepped to the side regardless.
"You aren't taking the bed." He muttered. I laughed lightly at his concern. It hadn't even crossed my mind to take his bed. Innocent or not, Loki would not like that.
"I do value our lives. Thor. It's like I said I'm not here to make him jealous." He closed the door but stood by it as I made my way over to his fireplace. I placed the bag on the floor and sat by the fireplace, warming my body up. With a sigh I closed my eyes and imagined I was back on Earth, the light becoming the sun I grew up under in my mind.
"What have you got in the bag?" His voice was closer now, I opened my eyes and peered over my shoulder. This would have been sweet if it was Loki. But I didn't want to light his fireplace and make him uncomfortable. I would have to make do here.
"You really don't want to know."
"That makes me think that I need to." With a sigh I got off of the floor and walked over to the bag, emptying it onto the floor.
"I broke into Loki's study." Thor groaned, putting his head in his hands as he sat on the sofa.
"You're right I didn't want to know. If he didn't love you he'd have your head for that."
"It's information on the Stones, Thor. He's been researching the Mind Stone as well as its counterparts. I've allowed him to keep too much from me for far too long. I'm angry, I want answers, and if no one is willing to give them to me then I shall find them myself."
A/N: I managed to make a 3-5 chapter arc 30,000 words + and at least nine chapters. I am so sorry