A/N: yes! Part 2! Hell yeah!
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July 10th, 2003
Hope was all Cas had. Carrying himself through life. He graduated from college, got a decent job. That was it. His best friend stuck by his side, but even she too, fell in love. Only one name rested upon his lips when he thought of love. Dean Winchester. He waited 8 years. To be honest, he tried dating, but it felt fake.
At the moment, Cas was with Savannah at the bar. She changed from what she used to look like. She ditched the glasses and her long blond hair was now a deep brown and cut just below her chin. Her kind honey brown eyes grew to an almost golden color. She always got stares, she was beautiful.
Cas got states too. He too had changed. He had a light stubble and his blue eyes were rich and deep, like diamond clashes with the night skies, containing entire galaxies. His dark hair was even messier than it used to be. His skin went from pale to gorgeously tanned.
"I forgot to ask, how are things with you and Kevin?" Cas questions.
"Good. But we're not here to talk about me Cas. You got a promotion, that's cause for celebration." Savannah laughed.
"I get promotions all the time. Soon, it will be impossible to promote me." Cas laughed. Savannah just shook her head and took a sip of her soda. She didn't really like the taste of alcohol. Neither did Cas that much. But he did like beer. That was about it. Everything else was crap. He felt someone new come to sit down. Well, three people.
The one closest to him had long brown hair and light green eyes that had a tint of gold. He carried a laptop. The one sitting next to him had blond hair and grey eyes. He was reading. Then, came the one farthest to him. He had light brown hair that was slightly spiked, but not that much. A stable on his jaw. His eyes a mixture of candy apple and moss borderline gold. His lips were a fading plush pink. There was something familiar about him.
"Cas. Dude. Stop ogling the eye candy." Savannah laughed. Cas looked away, feeling three sets of eyes land on him.
"Really? Wait-" something clicked in Cas' head, like puzzle pieces.
"What is it Cas?" Savannah questions.
"8 years ago. Those boys. The one in elementary, middle and High school. In order from youngest to oldest. Adam, Sam and Dean?" Cas whispered the names, the people sitting near him might hear.
"Yeah, I believe so." Savannah said.
"Do those boys sitting behind us look a bit familiar?" Cas questions quietly. Savannah glances in the boys direction, the boys going back to whatever they were doing.
"Wait. They do. Wow, you have an excellent memory Cas!" Savannah exclaimed loudly. The eldest of the boys looked up, the name was familiar to him. He glanced at Savannah, not recognizing her. But his gaze went to Cas.
Even though Cas had changed a lot, he could recognize the hair, and the eyes anywhere. The beer bottle in Dean's hand escaped his fingertips. Adam, luckily caught it.
"What is it Dean?" Adam asks. Adam was in high school, hence why he was studying. Dean was the only one leagly allowed to drink in their group.
"You guys remember that boy I dated 8 years ago?" Dean questions.
"How could I forget? I never thought of you as a lovesick puppy until then." Sam snickers.
"Do those two look familiar to you two?" Dean questions. Sam and Adam look at the pair. And that's when Savannah and Cas looked at them. It was weird. They all changed greatly from how they once were. Sam and Dean were adults, Adam was almost in college.
"Wow, this is awkward." Savannah laughed.
"Yup, that's Savannah. Only one person has a laugh like that." Adam snorts.
"You say that like its a bad thing." Savannah pouts. All four men roll their eyes.
"It's not." Cas assured.
"Youare terrible at laughing Cas. And if Adam recognized me, I'm going to bet that, that's Sam, nice hair by the way, and that's Dean. Am I correct?" Savannah smirked.
"Nice to see you again Cas." Dean blushed.
"You too." Cas smiled.
"While you two love birds catch up, we're going to talk to Savannah." Adam and Sam moved seats and Cas moved to sit by Dean.
"So, how's life been for you?" Dean questions with a smile.
"It's good. I went to college, for a decent job. That's really all about it." Cas admitted.
"I'm still moving around, so I don't have time for college. Sam is waiting a few years. His girlfriend died recently, so, he decided to take a break. Adam goes to high school." Dean smiles.
"Why are you still moving around?" Cas questions.
"My dad talked me and Sam into the family business." Dean admits.
"So, let me guess, you aren't staying here?" Cas sighed.
"I wish I could." Dean sighed himself.
"What do you guys do that requires you to move around?" Cas questions.
"I can't tell you. I'm sorry." Dean bows his head, not wanting to look into CS' eyes and feel guilty.
"You know, I tried dating after you left. After a year. But it never worked. I've waited eight years, and now here you are, just to say goodbye again." Cas didn't want to cry, he wouldn't.
"Cas." Dean looked so guilty. He looked so pained.
"Never mind Dean. It was nice to see you again." Cas paid for his drink and Savannah's. "Come on, Kevin will be mad if I'm not a good friend." He pulled Savannah out of the bar. As soon as they were in the car, Savannah saw his pained expression.
"I'm sorry Cas. Sam told me they never stay anywhere long. I know how much you loved Dean." Savannah sighs.
"That's the problem. I still love him." Cas sighed. He proceeded to drive Savannah home. Then he drove home. He got inside and closed the door. This feeling came back. A feeling he hadn't felt in a long time. Loneliness and anger, but most of all, lust. He hated the way the feelings all combined to make his yearn and hate. The pain in his chest becoming more and more noticeable. Cas sat on his couch, well, it was more like a love seat. That's what they called it anyways.
He didn't have much guests. He had Good friends like Jo, and Kevin. He had his brothers and his best friend Savannah, but that was about it. Cas wanted to hide away forever, but he knew he couldn't. He had work in a few days. His mouth felt dry as his doorbell rang, the sound echoing in his ears. He got up and walked towards the door.
He was hesitant, wondering who the fuck would come to see him? He kinda hoped it was Dean. He wished Dean was there, promising he would stay, but, it was just a dream. He slowly turned the know, pulling the door open. His heart skipped a beat seeing Dean there. He knew Dean wouldn't say he would stay, but he was glad Dean was there.
"Dean?" Cas choked out.
"Can I come in?" Dean asks softly. Cas nodded and invited him in. "Nice place." Dean comments.
"Thanks. What brings you here Dean?" Cas questions.
"I just feel bad about everything. And I wish I could stay. But I can't. So, I came to apologize for falling in love with you, for making you fall too, making us both suffer." Dean sighs.
"Dean, don't apologize. Yeah, I hate that I never can see you. But I'm glad I fell in love. Some people never get the chance to." Cas says honestly.
"I really wish we were back in high school. I wish I could've stayed with you." Dean looked like he wanted to reach out, hold Cas. Cas noticed and stepped closer.
"I wish we could too." Dean couldn't refrain from holding back and cupped Cas' jaw, tilting it upwards. They were forced to stare each other in the eyes. Cas gulped. Lust danced in Dean's eyes, and Cas knew it was in his eyes too. He pulled away.
"Did I do something?" Dean questions.
"No. It's just that, I still feel the way I did when we were teenagers. And I'm afraid that if I give in to my own greed, my own need, that I'll fall even farther, to a point of no return. And, then I'll be beyond saving." Cas hugged himself, not trusting himself.
"I feel the same Cas. If it were anyone else, I wouldn't come here to apologize, I'd just throw it into the wind. But, you're something special." Dean admitted. When Cas remained silent, he let out another breathy sigh.
"I'll leave. It's obvious I'm c-" Dean never finished the sentence, Cas had finally lost it and kissed Dean. His lips feeling the same. The old raw electricity awaking and sending shocks down their spines, magnifying every sense. Dean didn't really react for a minute, he was too shocked, and Cas pulled away.
"I'm sorry. That was st-" Dean tilted Cas' head up again, and kissed him. They momentarily forgot their fear of falling as they moved to the love seat, their lips gentle and caring. They pulled away and looked at each other.
"I love you so much Cas." Dean hums peacefully.
"I love you more." Cas smiled at the ground. He felt ridiculous, but yet, he kinda liked it. Being with Dean was always an amazing experience. He wasn't going to lie. Dean laid back a bit, bringing Cas with him. They just laid there, not doing anything else. Cas could hear Dean's racing heart.
"How'd you get so tan?" Dean questions.
"Savannah and I are out in the sun a lot. Planting flowers or chilling by the water. Or something." Cas sighs.
"Cool." The silence that came was louder than any scream that could pierce the cruel air.
"I never thought I would hate silence more than I do now." Cas sighed quietly.
"What do you want to do then?" Dean questions.
"Take a guess." Cas peered up at Dean.
"Cas, we just met all over again. If we have sex, we'd both fall apart." Dean honestly informed.
"I know. But I think you are worth falling apart for." Cas blushed. Seems like he was always the one to suggest having sex.
"But I don't want you to fall apart." Dea. Rubbed his thumb over Cas' cheek.
"It's to late to protect me from falling apart." Cas admitted.
"I don't know what it is about you, but I never can say no." Dean smiles, pressing his lips onto Cas'. Hungry, lust filled kisses. They weren't holding anything back. They were afraid, very afraid, but, at this moment, they didn't care. They didn't care that soon, they were going to be forced apart. They always are.
Dean didn't even bother to unbutton Cas' shirt, he just tore it off. Cas had more muscle than last time. He happened to have a six pack. Dedication! Dean pulled off his shirt, and He had more pronounced abs. At some point, they wound up in Cas' bedroom.
There was no longer any silence in the house.
The next morning.......
Cas let everything from last night sink in. He was an idiot. A beautiful idiot. And in all honesty, if he could do it again, he would. That was the problem. He was falling apart, but he was okay with it. He kinda liked it. He liked this pain, and he hated that.
He heard Dean's even breathing beside him. He looked so attractive when he was asleep. He looked so peaceful. Cas cuddled into Dean, and instinctively, even while asleep, Dean pulled Cas closer. Cas smiled and closed his eyes.
This was the pain he was willing to endure. Dean was his pain, his drug, but he was also his cure.
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A/N: there will be a part 3.