I don't even have time to wallow in my weird feelings because as soon as I get to my car I get a call from Gayle saying something about mom and how I needed to get to the hospital. She was talking too fast for my brain to process and so deadly afraid that my mother was dead I race to the hospital.
"What's wrong?! What happened?!" I sprint into the room completely out of breath, only to have the wind knocked from me once more when I see my mom sat up, awake!
"Mom!" I don't care that I have a stitch in my side that burns as I rush forwards and throw myself into her arms. She laughs and holds me just as tightly as I'm holding her, "you're ok." I mumble into her shoulder before the day catches up to me and I just can't help but breakdown in her arms.
"Oh my sweet girl don't cry, I'm here. I'm here." She comforts me which oddly makes me cry more, I missed this, I missed her so much and I didn't know how much it'd truly been killing me till I was sat in her arms, getting comfort that I could never get anywhere else.
***
"I can't believe I missed so much." Mom mumbles when it's just the two of us, aunt Anna had brought her camera and we were curled up watching my graduation in her hospital bed. "I can't believe I missed your graduation, I've been waiting my whole life for this and god you look so beautiful but seeing you, on this tiny screen is just not what I'd always pictured." I wipe my moms eyes, "it's fine mom, when you get out of here we can recreate it." She smiles at me and kisses my head.
"Oh is that Peter? You guys look so cute together." She says making me roll my eyes, "Mom..." she laughs and clicks the next picture, "I don't know why you act like he's so horrid, you were the one madly in love with him during your adolescence."
"Was not." I mumble lamely as she smiles a stupid knowing smile at me. "Sure, but he's still such a lovely boy and I know that, if not romantically, he's someone you need in your life. The two of you used be so close, you don't see it but you need each other, you always have. You make each other better."
I don't say anything as I take her words in, he didn't need me, he was fine, I was fine. "Anyways, let's keep going through pictures." She says interrupting my thoughts, I settle in and comply the two of us going through all that she'd missed but every so often Peter would flash in my mind and I didn't know what it meant.
***
When I get to the hospital the next day in surprised to see Peter sat at my mothers bed side. "Peter?" He stands up his face flushing, "hi! I uh...I brought May and Anna, they just went down to the cafeteria." I nod and smile at his nerves as he sinks back into his seat.
"Peter and I were catching up seeing how I've not seen him in a few years. He's still absolutely delightful." I don't know why my mom was speaking as though he weren't sat right beside her or why she kept looking between us with a sly grin on her face.
"Uh, I'm just gonna give you guys a minute." Peter says rising from his seat in such a hurry once more. "Mom, what do you think you're doing?" I ask after his hasty exit. "What? I'm not doing anything." I so don't believe her phoney innocent smile right now.
"How you feeling?" I ask changing the subject, there'd just been too much Peter recently and I'd rather not have him take over my mind for the next hour. "I feel great, they said I can come home tomorrow." I beam at the thought, we hadn't told mom we bought a house yet and I couldn't wait to see her reaction, especially since she didn't have to work so hard anymore, not with Gayle and I picking up the slack.
"Myra?" I didn't release I'd got lost in my thoughts, "yeah mom?" She looks like she doesn't want to say what's on her mind. "You can ask me anything, provided it's not about Peter." She half smiles at my sentence before becoming serious again. "Have you..."
"Do you know, how Curt is doing?" I don't say anything for a moment as I stare at her in disbelief. "Are you being serious?" She looks surprised at my outburst, even though she was clearly hesitant because she knew I'd probably react in the way that I was currently.
"W-well yeah, he was my best friend Myra so, sue me for being worried because he clearly wasn't doing well the last time I saw him."
"The last time you saw him, he was a giant lizard! And let's not forget that he kidnapped you and is the reason you were in here so long. He could've killed you!"
"But he didn't! I'm fine! And he's not a bad person, you know he's not. You can't just forget about everything he did for us, about how much he loved us just because he made a mistake." I scoff at her little speech, "turning yourself into a lizard deliberately is not a mistake, and neither is carrying out your plan where you try and turn the entire city into lizards."
"You don't know what that serum did to his brain, you don't know how it affected him. He clearly wasn't the Curt we knew, we know him he helped raise you, you can't just throw all that away because something happened to him."
"I'm sorry but I'm finding it a bit hard to forgive him right now, he hurt lots of people Mom and I don't think he even feels bad about it. He may not be the Curt we once knew but I think that man is dead and I have no interest in wasting time and trying to get through to whatever he is now." She looks disappointed in me but I don't care, I don't think what I said was wrong. Why should I burden my life anymore for a man who is mostly to blame for the suffering?
I can't bear the weight of her gaze so with a sigh I quickly exit the room and in the direction of the vending machine down the hall. I notice Peter sat in the chairs by the vending machine but neither of us sat anything to each other.
Instead I keep my face forward as I walk past him and towards the machine. Glancing over it's contents I decide on the Reece's peanut butter cups that were staring at me from the middle row. Feeding the machine my money and punching in the numbers I wait expectantly for my chocolate to drop only to groan in annoyance once it stood midway.
"You've got to be kidding me." At my mumble I see Peter's head raise in the reflection of the vending machine. He makes his way over to me and stands directly behind me. I can feel him as he glances over my shoulder at chocolate stuck, pressed up against the glass.
He doesn't say a word but his chest grazes my shoulder and his arm brushes past my head as he reaches forward and gives the machine a fairly gentle tap. His method works and so he takes a step forward and reaches down to collect my snack before turning to me and holding it out with a faint smile.
I don't take it straight away, for I'm too busy matching his eye contact. Neither of us move, not until I reach forward my cold hand brushing against his, he shivers slightly and I nod and mumble a soft thank you.
"Why aren't we friends?" He looks confused at my sudden question. "What?" He asks, his voice just as confused as his face. "Why aren't we friends anymore?" He doesn't know what to say as he opens his mouth and then closes it firmly.
"why do you hate me?" I change the question slightly hoping it helps get me an answer. "I don't hate you." He replies without any hesitation.
"You don't?" He's staring down at me differently now, "why do you think that I hate you?" He murmurs softly making chills run down my spine. "I don't know, you act like you hate being around me, you avoid me constantly and you can sometimes lash out at me when I try to help you."
He swallows as he begins blinking rapidly, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to make you feel so bad and I don't do any of that stuff because I hate you." He tells me seriously as his head lowers slightly, "then why?" He closes his eyes and sighs at my question. "It's because I-"
"Peter? Mj?" He's cut off by our aunts approaching us and it's then we notice our proximity and step away from each other although our aunts are already sharing looks with on another.
"What are you guys doing out here?" Anna asks with a smirk, "we were just getting snacks from the vending machine." I say quickly turning and buying a pack of m&ms for Peter. I'm glad once they don't elaborate on their thoughts even though they keep sharing these weird glances with each other.
We awkwardly trail after the two older women as we head back to my moms room. I don't miss the way the two of them take the seats on the end leaving Peter and I stuck together. It reminds me of that dinner we had when uncle Ben said Peter'd be lucky to date me.
I turn to Peter wondering if he were thinking the same thing, I can't tell but he's very deep in thought and I wanted to know more than anything what he was thinking. He stays deep in thought as the adults around us converse, only looking up once when he holds his almost empty packet of m&ms to me. I'm startled by the sudden movement and feel my cheeks blaze unsure if he caught me staring.
He doesn't make any indication that he did, he just smiles at me whilst offering the remainder of his chocolate over. I take it confused for a second until I look down and see it was only filled with all the blue coloured chocolate.
Nostalgia floods my mind as I think back on all the times Peter used to specially save me all of his blue m&ms, because I used to only like the blue ones. Even though they all tasted the same, I was convinced that the blue were somehow better.
He always used to offer them up, never expecting anything in return yet I'd always feel too bad so I'd offer him half of my snack which was most usually peanut butter cups. I don't think twice before holding it out to him, glad when I see his warm smile directed my way.