Blinking my eyes open. My head feels like it was ran over by a lawnmower. Turning to the side I fall off my bed on accident. I hadn't even realised that I was on it in the first place.
'Fuck.' I curse under my breath but I almost immediately cut myself off when I hear a subtle groan which wasn't from me. Sitting up, it becomes apparent that I'm wearing nothing but my boxers right now. Sleeping naked isn't something I do ironically. 'Huh?'
Watching Katie sit up, my attention is immediately drawn to her shoulders and neck which are both covered in hickeys. It's also as far as I can look since she has my bedsheets held up to her chest. She's not wearing anything. It doesn't take us any longer than three seconds to figure out what's going on.
'Oh my-,' She's cut off when she makes the same mistake as me and falls off the opposite side of the bed. I'm not sure why we slept on the edge since we where obviously anything but far from eachother last night.
Getting up when the current situation I'm in actually processes in my head, I stumble to my dresser.
'Fuck fuck fuck.' I mumble under my breath as I grab the first shirt I can get my hands on. Throwing it over to the side of the bed she fell off, I'm trying my best not to look at her directly. 'I'm so sorry- fuck.'
Holding onto the dresser for support, my head is on fire. I'm really starting to feel those shots right now and I'm struggling to ignore it. Putting a random shirt on, I turn to where Katie should be but she's standing right now. Positioned with her back against the wall, she has my shirt on now so shes not completely naked. It drops down to her mid thigh.
'I'm seriously sorry-,' I bite my nuckles.
'No. It's fine.' She woozily bends over to grab her clothes from the ground. When she stops she walks towards me, I break eye contact. 'I remember a lot of it actually- I started it and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even offered the dumb alcahol-,'
'It's fine.' I stop her from rambling. Looking directly at her my heart squeezes again, I remember it doing that last night but I'm only now realizing why.
'I should um.' She breaks eye contact this time. The more time we spend together right now the more embarrassing everything becomes.
'Yeah...' I look at everything but her. This is the worst thing that could've possibly happened. If only she was anyone else. Why the fuck couldn't it have been anyone else.
'Okay,' She hangs her head. 'Bye Colton.'
When I hear her walk out and close the door behind her, I almost instantaneously walk over to my bed. Sitting down on the ground besides it, I lean my head back to rest it down. Staring at the roof it's all fuzzy so I reach my hand out to my bedside table to grab my glasses.
When I put the on, it's still fuzzy so I take them off before looking straight ahead. Wiping my eyes, I curse under my breath when I feel tears going down my face.
'No. No. No. No.' I keep wiping my eyes in an attempt to ignore it, but I physically can't. Pulling my legs up I cross my arms across my knees before resting my head on them.
I hate when my mom is right. Not that I hate her but I hate it when she's right because it's usually about what I'm thinking or feeling. Having a sense of control over how I feel, makes me feel a little better about myself so this fucking sucks. It fucking sucks because now I'm not even sure about how I feel about her. It fucking sucks because the more I consider it the more it becomes apparent that I'm wrong.
Sitting there for what feels like a long ass time I've practically lost all sense of control or direction so I barely notice when my bedroom door opens again.
'Colton are you okay?' I recognize my mothers voice but I don't have the energy to respond. I don't need too anyways since she notices pretty quickly. 'Colton? What's wrong? I came by twenty minutes ago and you haven't moved.'
Sitting down besides me, she repositions me so that my head is on her shoulders whilst her arm is suspended behind me to rub my furthest shoulder. Feeling incredibly vulnerable I don't give a single fuck in the world right now. The last time I've cried and had to seek condolences from my mother was in middle school so this isn't something that happens all that often.
'You where right.' I choke on my own words.
'About?' She feels the need to clarify.
'We drank. We did a drinking game and we got drunk so we made a stupid fucking decision and had fucking sex.' I admit which is also unlike me since I get uncomfortable telling anything to her. Waiting for her to yell at me or hit me she doesn't but I do feel her arm stiffen around my shoulder.
'You need to work on your decision making skill Colton...did you at least use...protection?' She asks which makes me pause. I hadn't even considered that.
Groggily getting up I stumble to my dresser. Opening the second one, I rummage though my things until I can find my condom box. Counting each one I do it over and over but the number doesn't change. We didn't use one.
Looking back at my mum, she's giving me a weird look. 'What are you looking for?'
Frowning when I realize that she doesn't know I have these I just shrug. 'I don't fucking know.'
'Colton language.'
'Sorry.' I rub my eyes. 'I don't know.'
Sighing she signals for me to come over, 'I'm sorry, come here.'
Doing so, I sit back in the same position that I was in before.
'Why am I right again?' She asks since I never really told her.
'I don't know- I guess... about Katie.' I stab my nails into my palm since I don't want to say it out loud.
'You like her?' She rubs my shoulder and I reluctantly nod.
'I think I do at least.'
'If you didn't then we wouldn't be having this conversation,' she points out.
'Okay.' I trail off. 'I do.'
Sitting up properly it felt good to just finally tell someone but now I want it to go away. I'm so tired of feeling the same fucking emotion and I thought it was finally gone so I stopped thinking about it. I kissed her in the bathroom all those weeks ago and I felt nothing so I thought it was finally gone.
Well at least I remember feeling nothing. I don't really know anymore.
'Are you sure you're okay Colton?' I realize that I stayed silent for freakishly long.
'I'm fine now. Thank you.' I sit up properly but she doesn't believe me. I wouldn't believe me, either.
'It's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes-,' she tries to comfort me but I move away. Im afraid I'll start crying again if she touches me.
'No I've got basketball so I need to take a nap so that I don't fuck up my game-,' I clear my throat. 'I mean mess up my game.'
'Okay,' she takes the hint that I want her to leave before getting up. 'I'll cook you something for when you decide to come downstairs,'
'Thank you,' I speak softly.
Only getting up myself once she's gone, I slide back into my bed. I should try to sleep this hangover away because I don't want to be depressed and hungover whilst I play tonight.
Maybe I can sleep everything away too.