Heavy Trigger Warning
Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Attempted Suicide. Please do not read this fic if any of the triggers mentioned above are triggers for you. Your health and well-being is more important than reading a fic I wrote
Wooyoung's POV
"Wooyoung, you're a beat behind everyone, pick it up," the choreographer said as he stopped the music. I frowned before bowing in apology. I don't know why, but I just can't find the energy to be practicing right now.
"Let's go from the top everyone," the choreographer said. A few of the other's groaned, but San walked over to me and gently pat my backside in encouragement. I quickly forced a smile to try to reassure him I was fine and it seemed to work as he grinned in response as we both got back to our positions. The choreographer started the music once again and we begun to dance. I tried my best, I really did but pretty soon I was just lazily following along. My limbs felt like lead and I just slowly followed along, not even jumping properly.
"JUNG WOOYOUNG," the choreographer yelled shutting the music off with a slam. I jumped at the noise and shied away as the choreographer stormed towards me.
"What is wrong with you? Are you that incompetent that you can't even do a dance," the choreographer said. Before he got to me though, there was another body suddenly in front of me, blocking the choreographer's path.
"I'd appreciate it if you don't talk to my members like that," Hongjoong said icily. I blinked in surprise, not expecting him to be so angry, especially when it's obvious I've been making so many mistakes.
"He's being lazy," the choreographer said.
"No, he's exhausted, there's a difference," Hongjoong said. I could see the choreographers face scrunch up in anger but he knew better than to go against Hongjoong. Hongjoong is the golden goose of KQ and being the first trainee has it's privileges.
"Since he's so tired, practice is finished for today," the choreographer said before turning and leaving the room. Everyone was quiet for a few seconds, glancing over at me before Hongjoong spoke up.
"Practice is done guys, go home and get some rest," Hongjoong said. Everyone immediately started packing up and Hongjoong turned to face me, a frown on his face.
"I'm sorry Hyung, I'll do better next time," I said quietly.
"Don't be sorry Wooyoung, I can tell you're tired. We've had a long week of promotions, you just go home and get some rest ok," he said softly. I bit my bottom lip anxiously and nodded before walking over to my bag. I quickly put on my jumper and zipped up my bag before following the others to the door. San waited until I got to him before slipping his hand into mine and holding it tightly. Usually this would make me smile and give me more energy but I was too tired so I just held it loosely and leant into his side. I could tell he was concerned but he didn't say anything, just linked our fingers together and pulled me closer to his side. It took the last of my energy to walk to the van and sit down before I gave up and let my head loll forwards. It didn't get very far as San caught it swiftly and moved my head to rest gently on his shoulder as he sat down next to me. I let out a sigh and cuddled closer to him, letting my eyes slip closed.
"San, is he ok," I heard Seonghwa ask.
"He's exhausted Hyung, can barely keep his head up," San replied.
"Let him get some rest then, we have another performance in two days and we need him to be well rested for then," Seonghwa said. The van went quiet after that and I felt a hand begin to card softly through my hair. I let out a soft sigh before relaxing fully against my soulmate. It didn't take long for me to drift off to sleep.
~~~~~
"He's still asleep?"
"He hasn't woken up since he fell asleep on me in the van Hyung. I'm worried about him, he's really tired."
"You head to bed Sannie, I'll keep an eye on him." There was some shuffling around and then I felt the bed dip beside me. I could someone had laid down next to me and part of me wanted to cuddled up to them for comfort but the rest of me just couldn't be bothered moving.
"Are you still asleep Wooyoung," a soft voice asked. Am I? I can't really tell. It's like I'm drifting on the edge of sleep but not quite there. I tried my hardest to muster up some strength and try to reach out to him, but I don't think it worked very well. However, a few seconds later a hand slipped into mine and squeezed it gently.
"I've got you, you're ok." I felt something soft and gently brush against my cheek and it was only then that I realised I had begun to cry. I was tugged up and pulled over to lay against their side, my head resting on his chest.
"Hyungs got you baby. You can just rest and I'll be right here," he said. I let out a breath of relief, melting into Hongjoong's side and letting myself finally drift off fully.
~~~~~
"Wooyoung, time to wake up. We need to get ready for practice." I yawned and slipped my eyes open, lifting my head to see Hongjoong watching me. I was still cuddled up in his arms from when he came in the night before and it was comfortable.
"Come on, you need to get up. We have to be at practice in an hour," Hongjoong said. Practice? I don't really want to practice.
"Do I have to go today," I asked with a sigh. Hongjoong face scrunched up slightly in confusion.
"What do you mean do you have to go," he asked me.
"I just don't wanna go," I said with a shrug. He sat up quickly, pulling me up with him and wrapping an arm around my waist gently.
"You don't want to practice," Hongjoong asked me. I sighed and shook my head.
"Is it because of what choreographer-nim did yesterday? Because he won't be here today, it's mainly just a group practice before we have our performance tomorrow," he said.
"It's not because of him. I just don't want to practice," I shrugged.
"Um, ok. Can you give me a reason why you don't want to? Are you sick? Are you hurt," he asked me.
"No," I replied, shaking my head. Hongjoong seemed confused and unsure what to do and to be honest I'm not too sure myself.
"Why don't you come along to practice with us and if you aren't feeling up to it, you can just sit and watch. I don't want you to be forced to do something you aren't feeling up to, however we do have a performance tomorrow so I need you to be there," Hongjoong said slowly.
"I don't wanna go," I said shaking my head. His eyes darkened slightly and he frowned before he shook his head and relaxed again.
"I'm sorry that you're feeling like that Wooyoung-ah, but I still need you to come. If you gave me a good reason why, I would let you stay in a heartbeat, but I can't do anything if you're just deciding you don't want to practice. I'm still sticking to letting you just watch, but you need to be there Wooyoung," Hongjoong said. I don't want to go to practice, in fact I'd be content to just stay in bed and rest a bit more today but I can't do that to Hongjoong.
"Ok, I'll go," I said with a nod. Hongjoong smiled softly and brushed my hair back gently.
"Let's go have some breakfast," he said softly as he slipped out of the bed. Food? Ugh.
"I'm not very hungry," I said with a shrug. He paused from where he was leaving, and he spun around back to me.
"You didn't eat dinner last night," Hongjoong pointed out.
"Just not hungry," I said with a shrug. Hongjoong pursed his lips slightly before nodding slowly.
"Ok, we can compromise. You can skip breakfast today, but you will make sure you eat a good lunch with us later," Hongjoong said. I guess that will do.
"Ok Hyung," I nodded.
"Good, now why don't you go and start getting ready," Hongjoong said softly. I sighed but nodded in agreement. Hongjoong seemed slightly sceptical but he gave me a small smile before leaving the room. I groaned and flopped back down on the bed. I don't know why, but I just really don't want to go out and practice, it's too tiring. Plus yesterday just proves that the others are better off without me anyway. I sighed and let my eyes slip closed relaxing into the bed. I don't know how long I was laying there for, but the door to the room opened again eventually.
"Hyung? What're you doing? I thought Hongjoong Hyung already woke you up." I sighed and peeled my eyes opened to see Jongho beside my bed, watching me closely.
"I'm tired," I replied.
"But you slept all of last night, way longer than the rest of us," Jongho pointed out. Right, I'm just burdening them all now I guess. I frowned and got up quickly.
"Since I'm such an issue, I'll go get ready now," I said, grabbing some random clothes and storming towards the bathroom.
"Wait Hyung, that's not what I me-." His words were cut off as I slammed the door closed.
~~~~~
I followed the others inside the practice room and they all started warming up but I just stood by myself, not bothering to do anything.
"Youngie, you gonna warm up," San called out. I frowned and shook my head, turning away.
"Come on Wooyoung, you're going to get hurt if you don't warm up," Yunho said. I frowned and rolled my eyes, walking over to the mirror and sitting down, leaning my head back and resting it against the wall. I let my eyes slip closed, trying to relax the slight sharp pain in my head.
"Wooyo-."
"Let him go, he isn't feeling very well. I think he's just going to sit this practice out to try and feel a bit better for tomorrow," Hongjoong interrupted Mingi quickly.
"He's not feeling well," San asked. A few seconds later I felt a palm against my forehead and my eyes snapped open. San was bent down in front of my, checking my temperature with a frown. I'm not sure why, but just feeling of his palm against my skin, irritated me.
"San, get lost," I said angrily, slapping his hand away quickly. San backed off quickly, standing up with wide eyes.
"Jung Woo-."
"Leave it Hwa," Hongjoong said, cutting Seonghwa off. It was then that I realised how I acted and I was shocked. San's my soulmate, why was I even being so rude to him?
"Sannie," I whispered softly, biting my lip nervously. I expected him to ignore me and walk away but he just gave me a soft smile and knelt down.
"I'm sorry Sannie, that was rude," I said sadly. What sort of worthless person gets angry at their friend for looking out for them.
"It's ok Youngie, I can tell you're tired and there's probably something going on," he said, giving me a small smile and squeezing my knee. I tried to reciprocate his actions and give him a smile but I just didn't have it in me so I just nodded and leant my head back again.
"I hope you get better Young-ah," San said softly. I just hummed and let my eyes slip closed. They're just warming up, I don't need to be watching them until they actually start practicing.
"Alright guys, let's start run-throughs. Wooyoung, can you please watch." I sighed and opened my eyes again, watching lazily. I started zoning out pretty quickly, getting bored and looking around instead of paying attention to the dancing. I got away with it for about an hour before there was a break and Hongjoong sat down beside me.
"You aren't paying attention Wooyoung," he said, keeping his voice gently. I appreciated the fact that he was being so patient with me even when I didn't deserve any of it, given the weird mood I seem to be in.
"It's boring," I said with a sigh. Hongjoong's eyes went wide slightly before he slipped his hand into mine.
"Why don't you relax for a bit. You can sit on your phone for a bit if you're zoning out too much. How does that sound," he asked gently.
"Ok," I said quietly. There was an unreadable look on Hongjoong's face but he quickly leant forwards and kissed my forehead delicately. I was surprised by his actions but he didn't have time to react before he pulled away and called everyone back in. I sighed and shrugged it off, pulling my phone out to entertain myself.
"Is he seriously on his phone right now?"
"Mingi, just leave it. We're practicing now and he doesn't need to be watching if he isn't feeling well," Hongjoong said. I glanced up to see some of the boys watching me, but they all seemed to let it go and got back to practicing. I unlocked my phone and pulled up twitter, deciding to look through it while I waited for them to finish practicing. I was scrolling around for a little while before a tweet popped up. It was a photo from that one interview where I pulled a toy pig from a box. When I tapped on the tweet, the thread continued on and I looked to see what people were writing.
Ateeztiny4life: I can't believe they actually said Wooyoung looked like a pig
· Teez0t7: Why? It's true he's so fat and he just seems to keep going
· Ahdfkiig: Yeah. Poor San has to put up with his fat ass draped all over him all the time
· Teez0t7: Exactly. I don't even know how he became a kpop idol when he looks like he does
· Hongminion: Fr, he's ugly af
· Seongjoongtzw: He doesn't deserve to be in the group, he just weighs everyone down
· Teez0t7: He should just do everyone a favour and leave
· Hongminion: yeh the grp is so much betr without him
· Teezot7: No I mean leave, leave. The world would be a better place without Jung Wooyoung
Huh. I moved a hand and gently placed it on my stomach over my jumper. Perhaps they're right, I am getting a bit fatter, gaining more weight. That's something I should be watching to make sure it doesn't get too out of control. If it keeps getting worse I can just go on a diet, maybe one like Jimin as he's my idol after all. And yes I definitely hold the group back and bring them down, given how the past few days have been. But leaving? Do I really need to leave? I love ATEEZ and I love being an idol, or at least I did. It's always been my dream, but lately it's just felt like a chore, I don't really enjoy it. Leaving everything though, the world, that's a bit much isn't it. Isn't it? I glanced up, watching the rest of the members just having fun and dancing together. Is it really that far fetched? I mean it's not like I've been having fun lately. The past few weeks have been exhausting for me, I've been getting overwhelmed and sad, not to mention I've been getting headaches and bad muscle pains. Perhaps leaving would be a good thing, it's not like anyone would miss me much anyway.
"Alright guys, I think that's enough for today, we don't want to do too much practice today otherwise our performance tomorrow could be hindered. I remained seated when I was though, just sitting on the floor.
"Wooyoung." I glanced up to see Yeosang standing above me with a raised eyebrow.
"What," I asked with a frown.
"Are you going to go back to the dorm," Yeosang asked me.
"Do I look like I'm going back to the dorm," I asked him. He didn't reply, just rolled his eyes and walked off. I instantly felt guilty, my gut churning uncomfortably. I didn't have to be so rude, but I just felt irritated. I watched as everyone got ready, none of them looking towards me. Huh, I really am pathetic. I tried to get up but to my shock, I couldn't move. I tried to push myself up but my arms felt too weak. A whine slipped from my mouth as I attempted to get up again, trying not to panic. I struggled for a few more seconds before arms slipped under mine and I was lifted up. Hongjoong didn't let go, just held me for a few seconds as a clung to him, getting my bearings and finally being able to stay on my feet.
"You doing ok," he asked worriedly.
"Yeah, my body was just a little numb from sitting for so long," I lied. He was quiet for a few seconds before nodding and stepping back.
"I want you to come down to the café next door with me please. You promised you'd have a proper lunch," he said. Food? My stomach churned at the mere thought. I don't deserve to eat, I'll just keep putting on more weight and it will get more noticeable.
"Oh, I was going to stop at the store just down the street where the sell gimbap, I've been craving it lately," I told him.
"Yeah ok, we can go there," he said with a nod.
"Hyungie, I don't need to be babysat," I giggled.
"I just want to make sure you eat," he said. I frowned angrily at his words. Didn't I just tell him I didn't need to be babysat?
"Oh, piss off Hongjoong Hyung. Go hole yourself in your studio for hours like you usually do. You're always too busy to care about us, why start now," I scoffed.
"Wooyoung. Do not talk to your Hyung like that," Seonghwa said angrily. Hongjoong just sighed and shook his head.
"It's fine Hwa," he said gently. What? How is that fine? Seonghwa seemed annoyed but just sighed and left the room, the others still remaining following him.
"Make sure you eat enough ok. I'll be in my studio but if anything happens, you can come and talk to me or just sit with me if you want," Hongjoong said. I just shrugged and didn't reply.
"Eat properly Youngie, I'm trusting you to keep your promise," he said quietly before he too left the room, leaving me alone. I sighed and walked over to the couch in the corner of the room where we sometimes sit on breaks and I laid down. I felt tired so I wanted to sleep but unlike before, for some reason I couldn't. There were thoughts circling my mind and I couldn't stop them, so I just lay there looking at the ceiling, just letting the time pass by. I'm pretty sure everyone is annoyed at me. They're probably sick of me and I'm tired, I'm so tired. Perhaps Teez0t7 was on the right track, maybe it's a good idea. I've been struggling for weeks but maybe that can make everything stop. It begun to get more and more tempting, to just make it stop. This training today just proved how useless I am, how much of a burden I am. I can't even control my emotions, I just keep upsetting everyone because of it. Curiosity got the better of me and I pulled out my phone, searching up the most common ways to kill yourself. I looked through different ones, trying to see which one seemed like the best idea. I mean, I wasn't planning on doing it, I think. I didn't want anymore pain so I wouldn't do anything that will cause more pain. While I was looking through though, I came across one way. Jumping off a high building. Apparently if it's high enough you'll just die on impact and won't really feel any pain. It's kinda funny if you think about it, you just go splat. It's gotta be a high building though. KQ is high. Plus there's a nice view so at least it would be a last good memory. Is it the right decision though? Should I do it? I mean I've been told to do it, and it's clear it would be better for the others if I did it. I nibbled on my lip for a few seconds before pulling up Twitter and looking back to the post from earlier. I reread of the comments, going further this time and yet again, the comments were still the same. I guess that solves it then. I yawned and sat up, stretching to get out some kinks in my back, feeling it crack and letting out a sigh. I walked out of the practice room and down the halls, heading towards the door that lead up to the rooftop. As I was walking, I passed Hongjoong's studio and paused. He's been patient with me all day even though I haven't been the greatest, I should at least thank him before I go. I sighed and turned around, walking back to the door and knocking. There was no reply so I just slowly opened the door and poked my head inside. Hongjoong was on sitting by his desk, doing his work dutifully with his headphones on. I fiddled with my fingers nervously, not wanting to interrupt him but I would at least like to say goodbye to someone. I walked over and gently tapping his shoulder, making him jump in shock. He spun around, his eyes landing on me and he quickly took off his headphones.
"Wooyoung. Sorry, I didn't hear you come in," he said. I just shrugged in reply.
"What's up? What're you doing here? You should head back to the dorms and have some dinner," Hongjoong said softly.
"I will, I just wanted to see you," I said quietly.
"Ok, is everything alright," he asked.
"I just wanted to say thank you, for today," I said quietly. Hongjoong eyebrows furrowed before he placed his headphones on the desk and faced me fully.
"You don't have to say thank you Young-ah. You aren't feeling well and I wanted to look after you," Hongjoong said.
"Well I appreciate it Hyung," I said, giving him a small smile.
"Can I have a hug please," I asked quietly. Hongjoong gives good hugs, and it'll be a good memory to think of.
"Come here," he said, holding out his arms. I let out a breath and dropped slightly into his lap, wrapping my arms around him. He reciprocated quickly and wrapped his arms around my waist as well. The minute I was in his arms, something changed. I don't know what it was, but everything suddenly dulled down, muted in a way, I felt safe and comfortable. If only I could stay like this forever, then everything wouldn't be so bad, wouldn't be so painful. Nothing is safer than in my Hyung's arms but I can't stay here for long, I still have to go out to the roof. I want him to know I do care though.
"Hyung I love you," I whispered, making him chuckle slightly.
"I love you too you little gremlin," he replied. My breath caught in my throat slightly at the fond tone in his voice and I held him tighter.
"I love you a lot Hyung, like a lot. I want you to always remember that," I said, desperation seeping into my voice slightly as my eyes started to water. I felt him tense underneath me I squeezed my eyes closed before going to sit up. I didn't get very far though as Hongjoong's arms tightened and he tugged me back down.
"Hyung," I questioned in confusion.
"Sorry, I've just been a bit overwhelmed and this hug is making me feel a lot calmer," Hongjoong explained. Oh, not what I was expecting. Hongjoong doesn't usually like skinship with us and I very rarely get to be this close to him for this long a period of time.
"Can you do me a favour Youngie," he asked me softly, running his fingers through my hair. I mean, I guess I can do one last thing for him before I go, maybe make my existence a little less useless.
"Sure," I said quietly.
"Can you just stay here and sit in my lap while I work please. I understand it's a lot to ask but you can sleep if you want to. You're just comfortable and warm and I enjoy having you close," he said gently. My heart skipped a beat and the tears welling up in my eyes begun to trail down my face slowly. I kept quiet so he wouldn't realise, I didn't want him to begin worry about me. I can give him this last request if he wants it.
"Ok," I said, managing to keep my voice level. Hongjoong pulled me up closer, slipping his hand under my thighs and moving them to wrap slightly around his waist and hang over the edge of the chair. I slipped my arms loosely around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder.
"Thank you Wooyoung, it means a lot. I'm glad to have you hear, you're my perfect little cuddle bear," he whispered and I felt him press a gentle kiss to the side of my head. I was shocked once again, completely thrown off-guard by how he was acting as it was not how he would usually be acting. However I couldn't stop the was my heart soared and I relaxed into his arms at the praise. I do admit that I like it when Hongjoong bosses me around, but nothing can beat the rare praises I give. I giggle slightly and nuzzled my head into his neck, kissing it softly. I was expecting him to push me away at the action but all he did was pull his chair closer to his desk and continuing to work on the song he was making. It didn't seem like we'd be moving any time soon so I settled down completely in his arms, leaving my head tucked into his neck and placing soft kisses there every once in a while. I may as well take the opportunity to get away with what I can while he's in a weird move. I have plenty of time to check the views upstairs for the last time, for now I can bask in being close with my leader.
~~~~~
I must've fallen asleep sometime during the little cuddle session with Hongjoong because the next time I opened my eyes I was on my bed being shaken awake by Jongho.
"Come on Hyung, we need to get to practice. Remember we always have an hour or two practice before having a break and going to the venue for the performance," Jongho said. I sighed and closed my eyes again, settling down again and cuddling up to my pillow.
"Wooyoung Hyung you need to get up now," Jongho said. I groaned and rolled over to face the wall, turning my back to him.
"Wooyoung Hyung what're you doing. You acted like this yesterday, now is not the time to be refusing to get up," Jongho said. I didn't reply, just remained as I was. It was quiet for a few seconds before I heard footsteps leave out the door. I remained laying there for a little while before I heard someone walk back inside and I felt the bed dip slightly.
"Wooyoung, can you please get up for me? We need to get ready to leave soon. I've let you sleep in a bit longer than usual because I know you've been tired," Hongjoong said. I sighed and rolled over to face him, letting my eyes slip open.
"I don't want to go Hyung," I whispered. He sighed softly and gently brushed my hair from my eyes.
"I know, but can you please do it, for me," he asked. I felt even more exhausted today and I whined.
"I just need you to muster a little energy Young-ah. Just get through today and we'll have enough of a break for you to get an adequate rest," he said. I closed my eyes and squeezed them tightly before letting out a breath and reopening them. I quickly mustered up the energy and pushed myself up into a sitting position. Hongjoong grinned and cupped my cheek softly.
"Well done Wooyoungie, Hyung is so proud. Now I just need you to continue this good work and get through today," Hongjoong encouraged me. I smiled softly at the praise and gave him a small nod. I don't want to practice, but I did my favour which means I can finally go see the view now. It can all finally stop.
"Thank you. Come with me and we'll get ready alright," he said, holding out his hand for me to take.
~~~~~
We were at the company within the hour and everyone was walking towards the practice room but I had a much different place in mind.
"I need to go to the toilet," I said.
"Alright then, hurry up," Hongjoong said with a nod.
"Goodbye guys," I said, giving them a wave before I walked down the halls. I walked towards the bathroom but didn't stop, walking straight past it. I continued on until I walked past Hongjoong's studio as well and eventually made it to the door that lead to the roof. It was unlocked as usual, as no one thinks of it as a safety hazard. That's good for me though, because that means I can get where I need to be and I can make everything stop. I swung the door open and climbed up all of the flights of stairs before I go to the door that lead to the roof and I opened it, walking outside. The air was cool but it wasn't windy, so it felt nice against my skin. I walked out and let the door swing closed behind me, walking out further onto the rooftop. It was a beautiful day, the sun shining brightly and not a cloud in the sky. If I'm going to die, I'm glad it's on a lovely day like this. I walked forwards on the rooftop, over to the wall and not hesitating to climb onto it. I stood up straight on the ledge taking a deep breath and looking out over the city. It was peaceful and beautiful, even if it isn't the night. I looked down towards the street, the footpath below where I will be ending up soon. I couldn't help but wonder who will be the one to find me there, splat and flat like a pancake on the sidewalk. The street is generally pretty empty and not many people walk around, so it leaves a real possibility that one of the boys will find me. I hope they don't, I don't want any of them being scared like that. I won't be around to find out what happens though, I'll be long gone. I'll be gone and I'll be happy and I won't hurting anymore. A small smile slipped onto my face and I let out a breath, letting my eyes slipped closed. I zoned out, just basking in the light and barely there breeze from below. I extended my arms out by my side, letting out a deep breath. I'm ready. I took a step forwards and felt myself freefalling briefly before something gripped the back of my shirt and I was yanked back quickly...
Hongjoong's POV
The way Wooyoung has been acting lately is scaring me, a lot. He hasn't being going out much anymore, he's tired all the time, sick, exhausted and he sleeps for so long. I've also noticed that he's been losing more weight than usual and his appetite is low, given the amount of times he says he isn't hungry and doesn't want to eat. He gets mood swings sometimes and I can tell all this is annoying the others, they don't understand what is happening. I have a suspicion though, but I don't want to believe it. I can't believe it. How can our outgoing, loud, giggle, energetic ball of sunshine be depressed without us paying much attention to it? It's getting worse though and it's worrying me more. He didn't even want to practice yesterday, he said it was boring him and that shocked me more than anything. Wooyoung loves dance, always excited even for practice and he even enjoys putting in the extra hours. When he said it was boring, I knew it was serious. I remained patient with him and stepped in whenever the others tried to berate him. He doesn't need that right now and I don't want things getting worse for him, worse than they already are. I've been doing some research, looking into good therapists and good ways to handle things when people are depressed. I planned to talk properly to Wooyoung the day after our performance, to figure out what exactly happening and hopefully getting him the help he needs, but then he came into my studio. He was acting weird when he talked to me. Wanting a hug was nothing new, but the way he seemed so desperate and how he was so insistent in wanting me to know he loved me. It made my heart race and I panicked. It sounded almost like he was saying goodbye and that terrified so I did the only thing I knew would keep him from leaving the study, I offered hugs and disguised it for me wanting it rather than me thinking he needed it. I made sure to praise him and let him be as affectionate as he wanted and that successfully kept him in my arms the entire night. I will admit, I did enjoy it. Once I finished my work, I carried Wooyoung to the car and carried him inside to his bed, making sure not to wake him up and letting him get some of the rest he was needing. When he woke up this morning, Jongho told me he wouldn't get up and I knew the day was going to be like the day before, if not possibly worse. I managed to convince him to get out of bed and get ready for practice but I told myself to keep a close eye on him throughout the day to make sure he was doing ok. When we go to the company building, Wooyoung asked to go to the toilet and I allowed him before he said goodbye and walked off. It wasn't until I got into the practice room that his words registered with me and my heart stopped. I spun around and ran from the room, ignoring the questions from the others. I ran down the halls towards the toilets, skidding to a stop and turning to hurry inside but pausing when I noticed something off. I turned and looked down the end of the hall, seeing a door slightly ajar. One that is never open and leads straight up to the roof. The roof that doesn't have any safeguards or railing on the edge. Oh shit. I sprinted down the hall, slamming the door open and running as fast as I could up the stairs. I swung the door leading to the roof open the second I got to it and looked around quickly, instantly finding Wooyoung. I didn't like what I saw though, not at all. He was standing on the edge and slowly extended his arms out by his side, like he was ready to let go.
"WOOYOUNG DON'T," I screamed, running forwards. It felt like time slowly down as I ran ahead, watching as he begun to fall forwards. I mustered all of my strength and speed to get to the edge, thrusting my hand forwards and grabbing the back of his shirt. He was still falling and there was a split second where I thought he had fallen too far but I wasn't about to let my sweet little darling go like that. I braced my foot on the edge and yanked back, managing to get enough strength to pull Wooyoung back and drag him over the railing to safety. I stumbled and tripped, falling onto my back but Wooyoung fell straight into my arms. I sat up quickly and wrapped my arms around him quickly, holding firmly as I worried he would try to get to the edge again. It was silent for a few seconds apart from my panting before Wooyoung begun to sob.
"Hyung. Hyungie something's wrong with me," he cried, clutching to me tightly.
"It's ok, you're ok baby," I whispered, holding him close.
"I want it stop, I just want it all to stop. It hurts, I want it to stop," he sobbed. My eyes welled with tears at his cries and I pulled him closer in my arms, kissing the top of his head.
"I want to die Hyung, I don't want to be here. I can't take it anymore," he said.
"Please don't baby. Please stay with me. I couldn't live in a world without you Jung Wooyoung," I said sadly.
"I'm messed up Hyung, you don't want me. ATEEZ is better off without me, the world is better off without me," Wooyoung said, shaking his head. Does he really think that? How could he think that?
"Never Wooyoung, never. ATEEZ wouldn't be the same without you, we wouldn't be ATEEZ without you. The world would be a dull place without your gorgeous laugh," I said softly, running my hand up and down his back.
"You are beautiful, both inside and out Young-ah and we need you so much," I said firmly. He sniffled and shook his head quickly.
"I'm messed up Hyung, I'm so messed up," he whimpered.
"I don't care Wooyoung. I want to get you help, please let me get you some help. I want you to get better, I couldn't bear it if you left us," I said, squeezing him tightly.
"Help," he questioned quietly.
"I can take you right now to see someone Wooyoung. Someone discreet who I know will look after you and help you get better but also respect your privacy. No one has to know that you don't want to Young-ah, just the boys and our manager and you family, that's all," I explained.
"Please let me take you, please Wooyoung. I can't lose you, I don't want to lose you," I said, my resolve finally crumbling as I broke into sobs.
"Hyung don't cry," Wooyoung whispered, leaning up into my embrace and squeezing tight.
"I can't lose you," I repeated.
"You, you won't. I'll go Hyung, I'll go. I don't know what's wrong with me but something is. I don't know why I'm thinking how I am but I wanna get better. I want things to go back to the way they were," Wooyoung said sadly. My heart fluttered with hope and let out a breath.
"You'll let me get you help," I asked quickly. He sniffled and nodded, tucking his head into my neck and crying into it. Oh thank god. I can help him, I can get him help.
"It's gonna be ok sweetheart, everything is going to be ok," I whispered, kissing the side of his head and holding him as tight as I possibly could. I'm not going to let anything happen to him, I won't let him die!
A/N
This wasn't a request from anyone but this comeback has been showing more Woojoong moments and I was craving to write about the duo because it isn't something I've written much about before
I hope you guys still enjoyed this fic though, despite some of the heavy stuff in it and thank you everyone for reading
I hope you're all doing ok and are happy and healthy