Chapter 8
I was driving home, still thinking about my conversation with Josh.
After the little heart to heart, he'd kept on working on his art piece and I'd helped him. We chatted about nonsense, as he jumped on every opportunity to tease me or make a joke, the way he usually did. On the surface, everything had been fine. Everything was going as if life was normal and he hadn't said "maybe it was just my wishful thinking."
What had he meant by that? I hadn't had the heart to ask him. I hadn't even really thought about what it meant when he said it.
But the words had kept playing in my head afterwards.
Why would it be his wishful thinking? Why would he be wishing for Kendall and Jayden to not work out? Was it only because he didn't like Kendall because he thought she was a bad person. Or was it something else?
Because Josh was keeping something from me. Something that seemed to be hard for him to share.
Could he...?
No? Right?
It was probably Alex's fault. Now I was kinda second guessing everything.
But like... I knew Josh wasn't straight.
But Jayden had been like his brother? Right?
Everyone always said how much they looked alike. Josh couldn't be that self centered?
It felt like I was fishing for something that wasn't possible, just because I wasn't imaginative enough to figure out the Jayden secret.
My phone rang. I was almost home. It was Lexi. I answered it, putting it on speaker.
"Hey," I greeted my girlfriend.
"Hey," Lexi replied, her voice happy, "So, how was your talk with your parents?"
"It went really well actually. I feel like things are better now, and I'm an awful son a little bit less."
"You're not an awful son," Lexi replied immediately.
She was sweet. She didn't know. I'd totally been an awful son. "You're biased in your judgement of me," I pointed out.
"Someone has to."
I grinned alone in my car, driving on the dark roads. "Cute Pumpkin. Either way, it went well, and then I went to see Josh and we had a talk and everything is good too."
Part of me almost wanted to talk to her about Josh, tell her my suspicions. But I'd rather have something a little bit more substantial first. Something more than just a sentence that could mean many many things.
"That's great!"
"How about you? Fun evening?"
"I actually went over Alex's place, and Daphnee and Alex's boyfriend Travis, and Travis's friend Ashley came over. It was fun," she told me, her voice a little higher, like she was excited to share this with me.
It warmed my heart. Like it actually melted it.
Why was my Pumpkin so goddamn adorable?
"Ashley? The girl at the party? Cameron's latest crush?" I inquired, recognizing the name.
I was better with names than my girlfriend after all.
"Oh, you heard?"
I chuckled. "Of course I heard."
"Anyway! It was a lot of fun! I haven't talked to Travis that much, so it's nice to get to know him."
"Do we like the boyfriend?" I asked my tone serious.
Lexi laughed on the other side of the line. "Yes, we do like the boyfriend. He's super nice and Alex adores him."
This was nice. I loved this. Talking about mundane normal things, about our days, about simple things, laughing together.
I love how effortless it was, how natural it felt.
"Are you like super destabilized every time they kiss or something?" I asked teasingly.
Lexi snorted. "I've known about Alex for a while Blake. So not really. I mean, it was a little strange at first, just because Alex never dated anyone else but me, so whoever he would have dated... well it would have been strange. But yeah. All is good. Travis is nice. We like him," she repeated.
"Alright, we like him," I repeated too.
"But anyway, there's a point to this call. I had a specific agenda," I could feel her grin through the phone. "Are you home?"
I'd actually just parked in my driveway. "Yes I am."
"And do you think I'm allowed to come over?"
"Yes, absolutely," I answered without hesitation, even though I wasn't entirely sure it was true. "But would your father allow it?"
"Because there is no no fornication rule at your house?"
It was a good thing I was parked now. "No, because well, I don't know. Not that."
"So is there a no fornication rule at your house?" Lexi pressed, knowing she'd get a reaction out of me.
Bold Lexi liked this. And if I was honest, I loved Bold Lexi.
"Can we stop talking about fornication please?" I asked, laughing, running a hand over my face, a little discouraged too.
"Sure. As long as I can sleepover."
I rolled my eyes for my own benefit. "I'll tell my parents, but there shouldn't be any issues"
"Perfect, see you soon!" she replied and hung up, leaving no more room for debate.
I smiled at my phone, and headed inside.
I assumed my father was already asleep but this was Mom's prime writing time, so I headed to her study.
I was a little worried about asking my mom though. After all, she'd seen what being rejected by Lexi Grayson had done to me. For a protective parent only thinking about their child, it would be legitimate to assume that the awful way I'd been feeling had been partly her fault, if not entirely. It was easier to blame someone else for your son's own fuck-ups. Either way.
I was a little scared that my mom was mad at Lexi and blaming her for making me sad.
Her door was opened, but I knocked on the frame. "Hey Mom."
"Hi honey," she replied, like an automatism.
"Is it okay if Lexi sleeps over?"
She looked up from her computer, at me. She took a second too long to answer, but then she gave me a small smile. "As long as her parents are okay with it, it's fine. Don't do anything stupid though?"
"Stupid, like throwing her off the balcony?"
My mother rolled her eyes at me. "You know what I meant."
"Thank you," I just said, smiling at her.
"You're welcome."
"And it wasn't her fault you know? The whole thing," I felt the urge to add.
She rolled her eyes again. "It's okay Blake."
"No, but, I want you to know. It's my fault. My own shortcomings."
She shook her head a little at me this time. "I don't play the blame game Blake. And I trust your own judgement on this. If things are okay with her for you, then they're okay for me. I did see her positive influence on you before everything happened."
"Thank Mom," I said again.
"You're welcome honey," she replied, and went back to her writing, so I left her alone, and went back to the foyer.
My girlfriend was coming over.
I waited by the front door, and stepped outside the second I saw her car park in the driveway."
"This night just became perfect," I told her the second she was close enough, and hugged her.
"Cheesy," she said against my shoulder, hugging me back just as tightly.
Finally, I let her go, and slipped my hand in hers, dragging her inside. "You told your dad?"
Lexi followed me. "Yeah, I called him on the way. It was fine. He thought I was gonna sleep over at Alex's anyway," she said with a shrug.
"You didn't?"
"Somehow, I felt like a third wheel if I'd stayed over," she admitted.
I stopped before going up the stairs to the second floor, making a face. "Oooooh, awkward."
She shrugged again, walking up the stairs, tugging me along now. "They didn't kick me out or anything, but Daphnee was going home and Ashley too, and yeah, I figured I might as well leave the lovebirds together."
I followed happily, looking at our hands. "Gross. Couples, am I right?"
My Pumpkin chuckled, giving my hand a little squeeze. "Yeah, because we really don't have a problem with always being together and being sickly sweet either?"
"Of course, we don't. We're the epitome of couple perfection."
"I'm wondering if this codependency will eventually become a problem. Are we going to be one of those really obnoxious couples? You know, the ones that cut off all their friends and are always making it sound like their relationship is holier than anyone else's?" she trailed thoughtfully.
"But wouldn't it be worth it?"
"Dumbass." She rolled her eyes. "So, your parents were fine with me sleeping over?"
"Yes. But if I'm being totally honest, I was a little worried that my mom might be mad at you somehow. I still can't process that your father is not mad at me," I admitted as we'd reached my room, going up those stairs now.
"My father didn't know."
I stopped walking again. "What?"
Lexi sighed, shaking her head, and pulled on my hand, making me walk again. "I didn't tell him."
That defnitely took me by surprised. What was she actually saying? "So, how did you explain... well all of it?"
We were inside my room now, so Lexi headed straight to my bed, letting herself fall back on it. "I guess I was kinda hiding in my room, but I kept everything bottled up as much as I could. And I didn't really tell anyone all the sordid details."
I sat beside her. "Wait, so you had like no support system?"
She kinda looked up at me with raised eyebrows. "Support system? Really?"
"Don't you vent to people?" I asked her, poking her side.
She slapped my hand and then grabbed it again. "I don't want people to feel bad because I'm feeling bad. I can handle it own my own."
I looked at our hands, playing with her fingers, and said softly, "But you don't have to."
"I don't want to make people sad. Or force them to listen to my problems."
My Pumpkin. I was finally really starting to see her now. I wish I had earlier. I wish she hadn't had to feel like this for so long.
"Even your friends and your family?"
"I take care of them," she replied, almost a little stubbornly.
Lexi didn't like to ask for help.
"But they don't take care of you?"
"Let's just go to sleep," she whined, and crawled all the way up to my pillows.
I just smiled at her, trying not to laugh. There was something so magical about realizing I could do something for her, I could provide something for her. One of my fears, being with Lexi had been to have her feel like she was pulling all the weight, always looking after me.
But I was going to be here for her now.
"Alright," I just replied.
She narrowed her eyes at me. "What?"
I just kept grinning. "Nothing."
She whined, swatting my arm. "Stop judging me."
I chuckled, and moved on the bed, all the way to her to kiss her forehead. "I'm not judging you."
She answered, her yes closed. "You are."
I kissed her forehead again. "No, I'm just thinking that I'm glad I'll be able to do something for you now, something people around you don't seem to have been doing correctly."
She opened her eyes, looking up at me. My face was still close to hers, ready to kiss again.
"And what is that?" she asked.
I smiled, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Listening to you."
"My friends listen to me," she said, a little stubbornly again.
I wanted to kiss her pouty mouth.
"Sure, but... not enough. Not for the important stuff. They listen to you when you ask them. If you ask them. But you don't want to bother people, right?"
She looked away from me, her eyes with a faraway look almost, as she remembered something, "When I was a kid, and I would be sick at night, I remember, I'd go in my parents' room, making no sound at all, and I'd whisper in my softest voice, 'Mom, I'm not feeling okay' and she wouldn't wake up, because I was barely breathing the words. So, I'd go back to my room on my own. Or I'd hide in the bathroom to throw up alone. I didn't want to bother them."
I could see it. Little Lexi, sick, but not asking for help because she didn't want to bother anyone.
It kinda broke my heart. "This explains so many things. Or at least... yeah. This makes total sense."
"I don't like to bother people," she explained. "I don't want to ask anyone to do anything for me."
I tilted my head, looking at her. "Why?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. People often say I'm generous."
I frowned. "I think you're more like... self-effacing. Or maybe self denying."
"I just want people to be happy around me."
"Even if you aren't?"
"I'm happy," she replied defensively.
I chuckled, running a hand through her hair to sooth her. "I know you're happy now, you're with me, " I teased her. She smiled. "But you're not always happy. And that's okay. And you shouldn't feel like it's a bad thing for people to know. No one is perfect. No one is always happy. And sometimes you need someone's shoulder to cry on."
She snorted. "By someone's you mean yours?
I grinned. "Always. I want you to tell me when you're unhappy. You don't have to fake anything around me, okay? I'll take all of it, the happy days and the sad days."
"I think because at first... well I didn't care about hurting your feelings or being mean to you..." she trailed, speaking softly. "I kinda feel like I don't have to pretend around you anymore. I can be honest. You've seen the worst of me, and you're still here. So, it's okay."
I had to joke otherwise I felt like I might tear up. "Ah, so there was a good thing to the fact that you thought my name was Drake."
She laughed. "Never gonna drop that one are you?"
"When we say our vows, when we'll get married, you're getting married to Drake Ralph Eaton baby."
"Drake Blake Ralph Little Bitch Always-Petty Eaton," she corrected.
I loved the fact that she wasn't correcting the when we'll get married part of that sentence.
"That's me."
"You're lucky I love you," she said, raised her hand to my arm, brushing her fingers through it.
I grinned down at her. "The luckiest."
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Happy Monday my little Pumpkins! :D
So! This chapter was longer than last week. I hope you enjoyed it. I like building up Blake and Lexi's relationship like this. It's their first real serious relationship after all. And their last. So there's a lot to do for me. So it's fun. Also, Bold-Lexi is about to kick a door open and make Blake suffer, so the next chapters are gonna be fun. ;P
Anyway! How's everyone doing? Lot of you starting up school again? It's my Wattpad Birthday tomorrow. 8D I have plaaaaaans. Now, will I be able to follow those plans? Hopefully yes. XD I should be doing a livestream in the evening on Tuesday (reminder that I am in EST time same as New York basically). I'll keep you guys updated on my instagram (instagram.com/kaygiard).
Alrighty. Gotta go write, write, write, write, write.
See you all.... soon. ;P BYE!