Alex' perspective
Jason looked very pale when he heard what happened, I thought he was going to pass out. I made him some tea, because Parker was staying with Sam and I didn't really know what to do. We're in our tent. I hug Jason. "Hey, are you okay?" He shakes his head.
Jason's perspective
No, I'm not okay. I can't do this right now, Sam needs me. GOD why the fuck am I always so selfish? I start crying. I try not to, Because I really don't want to. But I do. "Jace, Hey. Talk to me." I look at him. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." "For what? He shakes his head. "You can tell me, you can't carry your hurt alone for that long, you know. That's not healthy. You don't need to tell me but you c-" "Okay." I say. He stops talking. "Okay?" I sigh. "Okay, I'll tell you. But I understand if you don't like me anymore after this." "I doubt that."
I take a deep breath. He reassures me I have all the time in the world. "You know... I got expelled right?" He nods slowly. "Well, I never really told anyone about this... But the reason as to why is the reason why I keep having panic attacks. Its something similar than what just happened to Sam." He shakes his head, nodding at me. I'm still crying, but I ignore it. I take a deep breath again and keep talking. I'm ready. "I started texting this guy, he was new in our friend group. We really started to hit it off, I liked him. But in real life he would pretend like we weren't as close. Well, turns out, that was because we weren't. His dad had been texting me because this friend found out that I was bisexual. He told some other friends from my school and they... Started harassing me. One day, his dad came to my school, saying all this mean and disgusting crap, in front of everyone. He punched me and I just couldn't take it anymore. I punched him and everyone who was laughing and they had to remove me. It's all my fault and I hurt alot of people and-" "It's not your fault." Alex says. "Hey, look at me. It's not your fault. You were defending yourself." "But I shouldn't have fought. I should have reported it." "Yeah, that would've been the smartest decision. But in that moment you were defending yourself, do you hear me?" He hugs me tight. I'm crying really hard now. "What happened to the dad?" "Nothing." I whisper. "Nobody knows about any of that."
He looks at me. "The police should know about this, Jace... It's not okay-" "No I know. I just... Wasn't ready. But I can do it now, I can tell people. Just not tonight. Not on this camp. Tonight I want to be here for Sam, he needs us." Alex is still hugging me, he's crying now too. "Thank you for being so patiënt with me." I tell him. " Don't thank me. I'm so sorry. Thank you for telling me, I'm really proud of you. You're safe, ok? I love you." I look at him. "You- You love me?" He smiles. "Ofcourse I do. I love you." He's blushing. I kiss him. "I love you too." I whisper.
I really do, love him. He is the most special person I've ever met. I never throught I would ever love someone this much. These past few months he's showed me what it's really like to love. He's learned me that it's possible to heal. He's learned me to deal.
I'm really glad my mom took me to this school. Because it was the best decision she's ever made for me. I will tell her, about everything. Just not tonight.
Sam's perspective
The next few days turn out to be so much fun. I try not to think too much about what happened, mainly because there's not much that I can do. The police arrested Rios and he's getting sentenced in a few weeks. Turns out he was arrested before working at our school. Love the lack of investigation we have with our teachers. Love, love love that.
Parker has been so nice to me, he hasn't left my side. We've been watching movies pretty much every night since we got here and we hung out with Alex and Jason. Al and I have hung out aswell, just the two of us. Because we really needed that. I missed him so much. Even Jason and Parker have spent some time with eachother. I don't even know what they would talk about- I don't think I want to know to be honest...
Parker's perspective
I feel like Jason and I could be really good friends. I mean, we all can. Jason and I are hanging out, Because Alex and Sam needed some alone time. Jason suggested we go play some table tennis, wich he's irritably good at.
"So, you and Sam huh?" He tells me. I frown, laughing. "What?" "Well... I mean I don't wanna say anything. Just... You guys seem to be having a great time." I nod, sweatily. "Yeah... He's an amazing person." I tell him. "He is, isn't he?" Jason looks at me. "What?" I ask him. "Nothing. By the way, you can football, but you can't table tennis for shit Williams." I chuckle. "Fuck off."
I hesitate. "Hey, could I ask you something?" I ask eventually. "Yeah?"
"How did you know?"
"Know what?"
"You know..."
He stares at me.
"How did you know you liked guys- You liked Alex. How did you know?"
He smiles.
"Well, I've always kind of known. Deep down. I just never acted on it, because I like girls too and I thought hey, I can just keep dating girls. But then you fall in love with guys and.. Well. It's confusing at first."
I nod.
"Yeah, well but how did you like, know you were attracted to Alex? Like how did you feel?"
"I don't know, just right. Just like how it felt like with girls but with him."
I swallow.
"Well, but-"
He shakes his head.
"Can you just admit you're asking me all this because you know deep down that you like Sam?"
I drop the ball.
"I-"
"It's okay. It's okay to be confused. It's okay to not know what's happening."
"It's just... Scary you know." I say. I almost whisper it. I hate that I do that. "Oh, I know. It's terrifying. But you'll be okay. It just takes time."
He points at Alex, who is chasing Sam with a water pistol. They're both laughing really hard. Jason and I smile. "Just do whatever feels right, whatever you both want. If you're both happy, nothing else matters." I want to say something, but my throat feels dry. "I won't tell Alex." He whispers. I nod and pat his shoulder. "Thank you."
I think about what Jason said. Tommorow is our last day here and I'm going to miss it, but at the same time it's going to be nice to be in our room again. He's already sleeping, And I fall asleep not so long after.
"Hey, come here." Sam is smiling. He grabs me by my collar, kissing me. And I kiss him back. I kiss his neck, I kiss his lips, I kiss him. He tugs on my sweater, asking if he can take it off. I tell him yes. He pushes me against a wall and I pull him onto me. We're both smiling and laughing and it's... Special. He's special. He's kissing my neck. I pull his sweater off and kiss him some more. Until... I wake up.
Holy shit.
Sam's perspective
Parker has been avoiding me all day. I don't know why, I know he's not angry... But... I don't know. He keeps blushing and mumbling. This is our last day here, and I can't believe I'm saying this but this week has been so much fun. "Hey, can I talk to you? In our tent?" I ask him when we get our meals. He nods slowly.
Parker's perspective
We're in our tent. We're in our tent and our fort is down. He removed the pillows. I try not to look at him but I don't know what else I should look at. Fucking great idea to not have wifi. So I play games on my phone. "Are you serious? We're just not going to talk?" He frowns. I gulp. "Parker, what's up? I thought everything was alright for a few days... You're so exhausting like why do you keep changing you-" I close my eyes "I can't talk to you right now. I'm sorry." "Why not?" He frowns.
"I don't want to talk about it, ok?" "Jesus Christ Parker, stop being a baby. You've been acting strange since this morning, Did you dream about me or something? Wich I would get, I would be overwhelmed too by me." He smiles sarcastically, but his smile soonly drops as he sees my head is turning blood red. "Wait... Did you? Dream about me?" I look at him. "No. Shut up. Now leave me alone!" He gasps. "You so did!" I gulp. "I don't wanna talk about it!" He laughs. "Alright, alright. But can we atleast go back to normal? It's alright." I nod.
We watch a movie, eating our food. We decided to eat in our room- Well tent.
"You know, I love him."
"Who?" I ask.
"Andrew Garfield. He's so talented."
I agree. "Yeah, that's totally why you like him." I roll my eyes at him. He softly hits my arm. "Hey!" He chuckles. "I'm right though..." I mumble. "I mean, he IS attractive too..." He agrees. "Uh-huh." I tease. We both laugh.
"So, can we talk about it now?" I shake my head. He looks at me. "Come on..." He smiles softly. I smile back but shake my head again. "Can I atleast know if it's true? Did you dream about me?" I turn red but don't say anything. His eyes widen. "Well, that's your way to tell. I'll just say things and see if you become flustered." "I'm not flustered!" I shout. But I don't even believe myself. And I am me. "Did we kiss?" He says it softly. I look down. I can't hide anything from him. he sits closer and makes me look at him with his hand. I don't stop him and I don't know why. "Did I... Touch you?" He asks me. I drop my head on my pillow and put it on my head. "FUCK OFF!" I tell him. And he's right. I am flustered. I can feel the blood in my neck. He giggles. "I'm sorry, I'll stop." He raises the pillow from my face and goes through my hair with one hand. Finally I look up at him, accepting that my face won't cool down for the rest of the night. I smile at him.
"Hey, can I ask you something?" I ask him, a bit hesistantly. "Sure. What's up?" He looks up. "Well, how did you know? That you were gay?" He frowns.
"Why?"
"Just, I don't know... I'm curious. Like was it hard to find out?"
"Well I've always kind of known, so for me personally that wasn't hard. But my parents didn't take it very well. It took us a long way but everything started getting better after the, well. Accident."
I nod. "I'm sorry.
"That's okay."
I decide to not ask more about it. Because it's a hard topic for him.
We go outside to take a late night walk. Sam pointed out that we had to do that atleast once before we leave in the morning. He's shivering. "Hey, do you need my coat?" I ask him. He tells me he's okay but I don't buy it and put the coat around him. He rolls his eyes, but smiles.
"How do you know you don't like girls though? Have you ever kissed a girl? Girls are awesome." He amusingly shakes his head. "No. Now, can I ask you something?" He asks me playfully. I smile. "Sure?..." "Well, have you ever kissed a boy?" I gulp. "Well, um. No." "Well, then how do YOU know?" I think. I stop thinking because it scares me. "Because." I tell him. He looks at me and smiles. "Because what?" "I don't know." But I say it so silently, that I'm afraid he won't hear me. He heard it. "Would you... Kiss me? If I wasn't straight?" He rolls his eyes. "I'm not attracted to every guy I see, Parker. If that's what you're hinting at-" "No, that's not what I meant..." I'm frustrated and it's not his fault. What is wrong with me? "Okay, well what DID you mean? Because we talked about this at the party Parker-" I just wished I didn't have to say it out loud... So I close my eyes and I do. As silent. So that if he doesn't want to he can't hear. To be able to go back. "Well, what I asked you at the party." He looks at me. "Would you kiss me if I asked?" He gulps. "Well, are you asking?" I sigh and laugh weakly. "That's what I'm trying to ask." He frowns. "But why?" Because I think I'm attracted to you. Because you're the only one on my mind. "Because I want to check something." I tell him. He goes through my hair. "You know you can. You ALWAYS can." And even before his sentence stopped I gently grabbed his face with my two hands. Our lips touch lightly, but I pull my head a bit back, taking it in. He looks anxious, thinking Im regretting it.
But I come closer again, smiling. Our lips touch and I have this feeling in my stomach that I can't describe. He pulls his arms around my neck and plays with the back of my hair. I mimick him, before stroking his cheeks with my thumbs. He tastes like watermelon and smells like lavender and I want more of it. I've always wanted more of it. I kiss him with all I have. I've been wanting to do that for longer than I would probably admit to myself. His tongue slightly touches mine and I feel myself getting heated up. All of a sudden I'm very aware of my surroundings, so I gently push him back. He looks at me. I sigh, full on panicking. "Good to know." I tell him. And walk away.
GOOD TO KNOW? GOOD TO KNOW? GOOD TO KNOW? WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? HOW COULD I LEAVE HIM THERE? I need to sit down, because I might faint. I'm going to faint. A tear rolls over my cheek. I'm in the middle of the woods and I have no idea what I'm doing and I... I need to not do all of this right now. All of a sudden I hear my name. "Parker?" Jesse is looking at me. Great. My best friend is seeing me having a mental breakdown over a boy. "Go away." I sniff. "Hey, what happened?" He runs to me and sits down beside me, pulling an arm around me. "I don't wanna say." I tell him. "That's alright - But you ca-" "No, I fucking can't! I fucking can't because you're my best friend and you might hate me and-" He stops me. "Woahwoahwoah... I would NEVER. hate you. You hear me? You're my best friend." "Well, you would. You would hate me and the other guys would hate me." He shakes his head. "No, we wouldn't. What would be so bad that- Wait, what's that mark on your arm?" He points to the last blue spot that is still healing from what my dad did. "That's the thing, I can't talk to you guys! Ever! Not about this! Because how do I tell you that my dad beat me up because he thought I looked gay and that I thought I deserved it for even THINKING I could be anything BUT straight and that a BOY just kissed me and I panicked and I just left him there? Like I proper made out with him. And the only thing that I could say before walking off was "Good to know?" How can I tell you that I actually felt something when he kissed me and that it freaked me out not because we kissed but because I wanted more of it? And ho-"
He stops my rant. Maybe that's for the best, because I'm crying almost hysterically. "Wait. Your dad did fucking what?" I frown. "Did you not hear the second part or-" "First the first thing." "Ah ok." "Why didn't you tell me?" "Because I didn't want to talk about it. Because I didn't want things to change." He doesn't say anything for a bit. "Does your mom know?" I nod. "Yeah." He hugs me. I sob. "I'm so sorry dude." He tells me. "That's so fucked up. That's so not okay." He let's me go. "About the second thing, It's Sam right?" I nod. He smiles. "That's okay. Does he like you too?" I nod. "I think so, yeah." "Then what's the problem?" I sigh. "I- I'm just so confused. I'm so scared and confused. But I really like him." He stops, looking at me. "I don't think that you're confused. I think that you know exactly what you want but it makes you freak out." I think about that for a moment. He's right.
"You know I'm not like them, Parks. You're my best friend. You hear me? Whoever you like. That's okay. I'm so sorry for not being there for you. I promise that I'll do better. You were right." He hugs me again. And I just cry. So much. Because I missed him.
After a while he pats my shoulder, motioning me to stand up. "You okay?" I nod. "Ok. Now go talk to him. Go get your boy ok?" I smile. Holy shit I really have to. I nod again. "Thank you."
"Hey Parker?"
"Yeah?"
"We need to talk more. I love you okay?"
I smile.
"We should. I love you too."
I need to find Sam.