That night I didn't sleep, by five am I'd repacked my three times. The dress Dean gave me for the party, mocked me from the wardrobe. The same questions went round in my head. What would I tell the Cotton's? I'd wanted this to work out so much, I felt embarrassed that my father turned out just like my mother. No wonder the pair of them got together.
By seven the thoughts crammed into my brain needed a release. Cautiously, I tiptoed down to the swimming pool Dean had only showed me yesterday, the water felt warm as it filled around me.
With each length completed, the weight on my shoulders felt somewhat easier to manage. By no means had it gone, more that I'd developed the strength to carry it.
As I reached my fiftieth lap, the door opened. Because I was the only person in the room, the sound echoed, making it impossible to ignore said person.
I didn't need to see who it was, I knew from the goosebumps that covered my skin even in the warm water that it was Dean.
Just because I could, I carried on swimming another four laps, allowing him to wait. The hurt from last night felt just as raw as it had at the moment it happened. The sting from Robert's hand, Dean not acknowledging me.
Patiently Dean stood by the edge of the pool, he stood in his normal attire. His hands slung into his trouser pockets.
I stopped swimming just below him, I caught my breath for a moment, composing myself before I looked at him.
He looked effortlessly good-looking as always, that only annoyed me more. I'd spend the whole time pacing my room, trying to figure how my life had turned out so fucking bad. How I always ended up in these situations. I didn't want to be that moan bitch who complains that life isn't fair, but it really wasn't. I didn't deserve this crappy hand of parents I got.
"Can we talk?" Without answering, I swam to the ladder, forcing myself to face the music I hadn't even created.
As I climbed out the knot in my stomach got tighter. I accepted the towel Dean held out for me, careful not to touch him. The room probably felt cold, but I couldn't feel anything. My brain was too occupied playing out the versus scenarios which were about to take place.
"Your father has decided Conor is a better match to look after your safety. He'll be going with you today, and on any other future trips from here on in." Dean's voice was tight, like the words physically hurt him to say.
From this distance I could see how blood shot his eyes were, they matched my own tired ones. His face, although flawless, had the look of a man who carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.
I'd seen Dean, pissed off, annoyed, nasty , cold and emotionless to name a few. Never have I seen him...down? He shifted uneasily on his feet, I watched as the conflict battled in his eyes. Confused about what to do or say. At least I wasn't the only one.
My fingers itched to reach out, to take some of that weight from him. But I couldn't, the memories of last night were too raw. They hurt far more than I was willing to let anyone believe.
"He can drop me off at the Cotton's, from then on I'm in safe hands. He can go home, I won't be coming back." The words I spoke aimed to hurt, I admitted shamefully. When Dean's eyes sharpened I knew I'd hit my target.
So he did care, just not enough to stop someone hurting me.
"You're not coming back, why?" Dean's hand lightly held onto my fingers, stopping me from escaping. The pressure was completely different to when Robert had roughly grabbed me yesterday. This felt like Dean was almost scared to touch me. Perhaps he was.
"My brother is self-centred and only cares for himself. And my dad backhanded me last night. I have nothing left to stay for."
"Stay for me."
I released a harsh laugh. Finally turning to see Dean's opening hurt expression. I wondered if he'd dropped his barriers to manipulate me into staying, or if he no longer wanted them up. Like he'd finally trusted me with them.
"How can you say that? You keep telling me to trust you but you stood by as he hit me. Everyone stood by as he hit me."
"And yet you still lied for me. Why?" Dean asked back.
Good question, why had I? Because deep down, I cared for him. Because the idea of someone hurting Dean caused that knot in my stomach to tighten unbearably. My feelings for Dean had reached toxic levels I'd come to realise.
I'd take a hundred slaps from Robert if it meant Dean would be okay. That dangerous thought alone was the reason I had to leave, he proved last night he wouldn't do the same. Confirming I'd dived much deeper than he had.
I answered his question with a simple shrug, what was I meant to say? I did it because I loved him. He may want me to stay, but he didn't love me. In the end I'd end up getting hurt.
"Because you feel it, don't you. This thing, whatever it is, lust , love. You feel it every time I touch you." Dean said as if reading my mind. To prove his point, his hand rested lightly on my cheek. It took all I had not to lean into the warm comfort his touch brought me. "I feel it too. I wanted to kill him. I wanted him to feel ten times the pain he'd inflicted on you. I couldn't even look at you afterward because I didn't trust myself. If I'd seen-" His hand tightened around my cheek, I watched as he struggled to control his emotions. This Dean in front of me was not the same as the one I'd first met, he'd never left himself so open and raw to me. "If I'd seen your face, I would have lost it. And then I would have lost you. If you knew what I was capable of, nobody would want to be with that." I could hear the pain behind his words, hell the sound made me want to wrap my arms around him.
Just as I felt myself giving over, I pulled away. He couldn't decide when and where he chose to give himself to me. One minute ice cold and the next flaming hot.
"You're always speaking in riddles. What does any of that mean? What are you capable of Dean?" Dean's hand dropped to his side as my words. I began pacing back and forth along the pool edge, my brain barely able to focus with Dean so close by. "I can't keep living a lie. I spent years covering for my mum and step-fathers' abuse. I won't do it for him or anyone else. You can't ask me to. I won't return to being a punching bag." Facing Dean I allowed my anger to show plainly. I was fed up of hiding, of secrets. Of being hurt.
Taking a careful step towards me, Dean opened his palms, showing me he meant no harm. Didn't he see? The damage had already been done. Every cell in my body screamed for me to believe him, I'd just been hurt too many times before to allow it to happen again.
"You won't. Please Megan just give me time. Give me time and I'll explain everything." Dean pleaded with me, the desperation so clear in his eyes. My heart ached just looking at him.
"How much time? Until I end up in hospital. Until I end up dead?" The memory of me lying in a hospital bed staring out the window, whilst Helen explained to the doctor how I'd repeatedly smashed my own head against the wall, was seared into my brain.
I remembered how defeated that moment had felt, the doctor didn't even ask for my account. They didn't care, I was just another kid failed by the system.
Rage scorched Dean's eyes, he knew what I was referencing. He'd probably read all about it in that nice little file he had on me. Yet when I told him about the experience one night when we'd been talking freely in bed, well, when I was. Dean had listened quietly, his hand would flex against my skin, but afterward he'd make love to me. And for a second, the bad times fade away.
That's what Dean did to me, he made shit situations bearable and good times amazing.
"I didn't think he'd touched you. If I had, I would have never brought you back. " Dean spat the words out in disgust. And then he was in front of me, my face nestled between his large hands. I should pull away, but Dean was right. There was that tug again, pulling me in. "Go spend some time with your family, have fun. Give me at least that much time to get my cards in order. And then when... if you return I'll tell you everything, and you can decide what you want to do. When you know all the facts and players involved."
As I weighed up the words Dean spoke, he watched me, waiting patiently. His eyes searched my face for any clue of my thoughts.
"What do I say to the Cotton's?"
A grateful smile spread slightly across Dean's beautiful face, tugging at my heartstrings. I'd do anything to see that smile, I realised. A dangerous but accurate statement.
"That you missed them, it's true isn't it?" He replied simply.
I thought for a moment. Perhaps most of the Cotton's would believe that's why I'd come back, but Jay, he was always looking for something more. Would he believe I'd left my family, the one thing I'd always wanted because I missed them? I had to think to myself, would I have missed them so much if Robert and Jake had turned out to be everything I'd dreamed of. I'd like to think yes, after all, they'd given me hope again.
"You'll answer all my questions?"
"All of them." He confirmed, turning serious.
Dean's hands still cupped my face protectively. His thumbs smoothing my cheeks. I leaned into his warm touch, loving the comfort it brought me. After a night of not sleeping, of wishing Dean would come to me, I finally felt at peace. I hated how easily my heart gave over to Dean. In the end this would be my reckoning, but at this moment in time, I didn't care. All I wanted was him.
"There's that tug again." Dean said, glazing into my eyes.
I couldn't deny I felt it too. Without thinking I leaned up onto my tip toes and closed the distances between our lips. He tasted like the sweet water in an oasis. My family, the dessert, and Dean were the only things keeping me alive.
I clung to him, needing to feel his body against mine. Needing to know he felt the same way I did. That desperate need to have him close.
Dean's hand cupped my bum, the action surprised and excited me. A small gasp escaped my mouth and I knew instantly Dean had done it on purpose. His tongue wasted no time exploring my mouth, he pressed my harder against him so I could feel his attraction.
Teasingly I rub myself against him, enjoying how he groaned with pleasure.
Ripping my mouth away from his, I planted kisses down his neck, before biting his ear.
"Careful or I might fuck you against the wall." Dean warned against my skin.
"Promise?"
Releasing an animal-like growl, Dean hoisted me up, subconsciously my legs wrapped themselves around Dean's hips. His lips were punishing on mine, but I didn't care. I gave back as good as I got. The one place I never felt intimidated by Dean was in the bedroom. There, he showed his desire for me so painfully, I blushed.
A bang rang out in the room, bouncing off the walls with no furniture to take the impact. I hadn't noticed at first until Dean's body went rigid. The atmosphere changed so quickly I felt like I had whiplash.
"Well this is a turn of events." My eyes landed on the person who spoke. They leaned against the wall, a smug smile much like the grinch's hanging onto their face.
Dean's arms loosened around me, allowing my legs to slide back down onto the floor. I expected him to move away from me, but he didn't. Dean kept one hand firmly pressed to my back, keeping me next to him.
A mixture of emotions hit me. Pleased that Dean didn't abandon me the moment Jake spoke, but scared most of all. Robert's reaction last night flashed through my mind. Jake had seemed appealed by his father's actions but I knew how much he hated Dean.
Anything he could use to damage his relationship he would. Even if that included throwing me under the bus with him.
"What do you want?" Dean's voice had a hard steady edge to it. If he hadn't been holding onto me, I'd have probably taken a step back.
Jake on the other hand looked unusually cocky. His smile only deepened at Dean's words, like he was remembering a private joke and forgot to fill us in.
Pushing off of the wall, Jake strolled over. His eyes never left us, instead they narrowed. Like a predator would before pouncing onto their target.
Dean must have felt my apprehension as he urged my body further into his. Jake didn't miss a beat, his vision turned to Dean's hand. Enjoying the movement more than he should.
"Father wishes to see you Megan, before you leave."
"You can tell him I don't want to see him." I could hear the acidity in my voice.
Not batting an eye at my tone, Jake stopped a few feet from us. "He feels bad about last night." He paused as his eyes trailed over us. "I'm sure you two lovebirds can tear yourselves away from each other to go accept it."
"And what makes you think I'll accept it?"
Jake's sickly sweet smile put me on edge, it had a Joker kind of vibe. "You want to return to Dean. I guess father was right in his suspicions."
Ignoring Jake, Dean brought his hands to rest on either side of my face. The open display of affection caused butterflies to erupt in my stomach.
"Go, make good. I'll see you when you return." Dean's lips briefly touched mine, the action lasted only a few seconds but when I opened my eyes I saw the hunger I felt for him reflected back.
Part of me knew he'd left me wanting more on purpose.
Once his hands left my body, the warmth he brought vanished as well. With a final look over my shoulder at the man I loved, I headed for the door. Jake's shoes tapped against the tile flooring, letting me know he was right behind me.
"Don't tell Robert, please." I said as we made our way through the maze of corridors.
Jake definitely wouldn't listen if Dean had asked, hey, I barely think he'd listen if I ask but I had to give it ago right?
"He's meant to protect Father, he can't do that if he's more concerned about you." Jake voiced the exact reason Dean had explained to me about why Robert couldn't know.
I'd at first thought Dean was being over the top, then Robert's reaction last night had made me question everything. He'd hit me but not touched Dean. Was that because of his ties to Dimitri? Robert was clearly afraid of upsetting Dimitri.
The questions continued to swirl painfully around my head, making it ache. When I return, Dean will explain everything. That alone gave me more comfort than I liked to admit.
"It was just a kiss Jake. Robert wont understand that. You're my brother, do this one thing for me please." I pleaded, using the brother card. Knowing how guilty Jake became when he'd found out about Helen's treatment of me. He'd blamed himself for not being about to protect me. He'd told me as much.
Don't get me wrong, manipulating Jake didn't make me feel good. Just at this moment in time it was a necessary evil, I told myself.
"That kiss wasn't just a kiss, he was claiming you Meg." Why did the idea of Dean claiming me send such a shiver of pleasure through me? I wanted to be his, to be able to claim him back. "He's about to start a war. I won't tell father, just make sure you remember who your family is and what I did for you." Jake's statement confused me.
"It's just a bit of fun. I hardly see why everyone is being so serious about it."
"Just remember." Jake's harsh tone ended with a hard knock on Robert's office door.
I'd been so caught up in our conversation I hadn't even recognized we'd arrived. The deep grooves which had been cut in, proved of the wealth Robert had. Nobody in their right mind would waste money on such over the top décor, except for the extremely wealthy.
Robert shouted something from the other side, Jake took that as his que to leave. He waited until I'd gone inside, ensuring the package had been delivered.
Robert sat behind his large oak desk, the thing sat just in front of the sizable windows which offered a full view of the gardens. He stood as I walked cautiously into the room, stopping where I'd seen that man kneeling on my first or was it the second day?
His eyes gleamed with delight as they landed on me.
"Megan, thank you for coming to see me. I wanted to clear the air before you left." I scoffed at his statement. Perhaps I was still feeling bold after Dean's affect, but the fear I'd felt last night was less so.
"You hit me, I'm not sure what else there is to say."
A tight smile formed, clearly Robert had believed this would be easy. Given my past history with Helen and his belief I was returning home to see her, I had him believing I was somewhat of a push over. In some respects I guess I was.
"It was wrong of me and I'm sorry. It won't happen again." Instead of answering, I just stared at Robert, waiting for him to continue. It quickly became obvious Robert had expected that pathetic excuse of an apology to win me over.
I had to admit, he hid his annoyance better than he did last night. Recovering, Robert moved around to the front and sat himself on the edge of the desk. Trying to convey a casualness in his appearance. His shoulders gave him away, they were far too stiff.
"I've actually been doing some thinking, well more than thinking. I've been able to pull some strings at Oxford university for you." His words came as a surprise. "It's my peace offering."
Truly, I didn't care about what university I went to. I'd only decided to go after Mr and Mrs Cotton had made such a strong argument.
"I already have a place near where I live."
"It's very nice of Mr Cotton to have done that, but I'll pay for everything. Not just the university fees but accommodation, spending fees so you don't have to live like an actual student. I want to give you the world."
"Because you slapped me?"
Robert pushed off the desk towards me. Instinctively I stepped back, afraid I'd gone too far and he'd hit me again. Noticing my retreat Robert stopped, he actually looked grieved by my actions.
"No, because I'm your father. I've missed out on all the things fathers and daughters do. Like helping you with university." He spoke with such emotion I could feel the inner conflict.
Half of me wanted to accept his gift so I didn't feel the guilt of seeing his sad face when I rejected it. Plus it would mean Mr and Mrs C wouldn't have to pay for it. Unlike Robert, they'd miss the money a lot more.
The catch, if I accepted Robert's university getaway, I'd basically be saying he could hit me and it was okay. That I forgave him, as much as I didn't want to feel anymore indebted to the Cotton, I wasn't ready to forgive Robert just yet.
Then again, he'd been arranging this before last night. No way could he get something like that sorted so quickly. That showed he cared right? That he could be redeemed somehow? That maybe the perfect family I wanted hadn't vanished last night like I'd feared.
"Can I think about it?" I asked quietly.
Robert's eyes lit up, his tight smile replaced with one of genuine happiness. For a second the suffocating pressure in my chest that I'd felt since entering the office relaxed.
"Sure, I just want you to enjoy your time at home." Robert headed towards the door, his hand resting inches away from my back. No touching but guiding me out. After shutting and locking the door behind me, Robert turned to me again. "And let's not mention last night. Wouldn't want that lawyer getting the wrong end of the stick."
The lawyer being Mr C. There was no time to comment back, a man I'd seen a few times but not enough to remember his name handed Robert some papers.
The man looked me up and down whilst Robert scanned the papers. I realised I still wore my swimming costume and towel. Luckily the towel was large enough to enclose my whole body but that didn't stop the heat burning my face. I shifted uncomfortably, hoping I could retreat back to my room and change.
A scowl made itself across Robert's face. With a quick apology Robert followed the man into the basement.
Two hours later, I stood showered and appropriately dressed for the journey home. When Will walked out and informed me he'd be one of the guards accompanying me, I instantly felt safer. I knew he was one of Dean's men. To say I was anxious was an understatement, and not an over reaction thinking about what happened last time.
Will must have sensed this as he began to ask me questions about what I'd be doing when I got home. The guy actually spoke and not just to bark orders. I was going to say as much, but enjoyed the non-silent treatment too much to mention it.
I hadn't really come with a lot to begin with, most of the stuff being packed seemed to be the other men's stuff. I looked at their massive black bags and my concerns returned.
"It's just stuff. Nothing too exciting. Many gym clothes, pillows, you never know what the hotels are like." Will answered my unspoken question. "I think your dad wants to talk to you. I'll be in the car." And with that Will disappeared into the car.
"I look forward to your return. A fresh start, yes?" Robert said as he pulled back from our hug.
"If I return. I need to do some thinking." My words hurt him, but he didn't do a great job of covering it up quickly.
"I'm not perfect Megan. But I need you. You're my daughter after all. And family is everything." Perhaps Robert was right. All families went through tough times right? Maybe if I returned we could do some counselling as a family. There must be something, this wasn't actually the normal family situation. Girl finds her father and half-brother after years of believing she didn't have one.
He gave me a final awkward pat on the arm and stood back to allow Jake to say his goodbyes.
"Look after yourself, little acorn." Was all he said, but his eyes told me he'd kept the secret, and for that I was grateful.
"Thank you." I whispered as we hugged goodbye.
I looked at the estate one more time, hoping to catch a glimpse of Dean. When I'd returned to the pool earlier I'd been hoping to find him there, and then the same with my room. In fact I'd spent the last hour failing to find him.
Defeated, I got into the car. Unlike last time Will sat in the back with me. Conor was in the passenger seat, he hadn't spoken to me yet and I was thankful for it, I had nothing to say to the guy. I disliked him probably as much as Jake disliked Dean. I'm sure Chase could think up some fun ways to annoy Conor, I thought.
The driver was someone I'd never met before, but his salt and pepper hair instantly told me he was one of Robert's men. That, and Will's eyes continuously raking over the pair. They were on his radar, meaning they were on mine as well.
We pulled away from the house where Jake and Robert stood waving us goodbye. Not sparing them a glance I looked up to the windows hoping for any sign of Dean.
My heart beat immediately picked up when I saw him standing at one. His face held a sad smile, I couldn't stop myself returning one. I hadn't even left and I missed him already.
Laying my hand flat against the glass window, I watched as Dean mimicked my action. Then the car turned, and Dean strayed from view. Even though I knew this I couldn't stop myself from hoping he'd appeared again.
When the car left the ground, I accepted that until I returned, I wouldn't be seeing Dean again. Placing my head against the headrest, and taking a deep breath, I tried to focus on the positive. The Cotton's.