Chapter 7
After dinner, I drove to Josh's apartment.
I hadn't really had a heart to heart with him either. The other night, Fred was there, and I'd never been able to really talk to him. At least, not about everything I wanted to.
Sure, I'd been curious about the whole Daphnee ordeal, but... well I really wanted him to be honest about what he was keeping from me regarding Jayden.
When I got to his apartment, he was in his studio, welding something.
The second he saw me, he said, "Oh, perfect, get in here. I need you to hold the other end of this," he ordered me, pointing to the other side of the metal beam he was working on.
I had no idea what he was working on, but I complied immediately. I was often his little helper. I actually liked it. It made me feel like a little brother again.
I kept my eyes away from the flame, looking around the room, trying to figure out what he was doing. He'd joked once that he was doing a dragon.
Maybe he really was.
Or maybe he wasn't actually doing anything, just wasting time and metal to keep busy and avoid answering my questions.
"So, is it time for you to fess up now?" I asked him.
"Yip, yip, yip," Josh yapped, pointing at me. "What do you think you're doing there, you hitchy scab?"
I snorted. What kind of insult was that? "What is wrong with you?"
"Nothing, it's what's wrong with you, and what's wrong with you is that you need to be holding this properly," Josh said, shaking the beam I apparently wasn't holding properly.
"No respect," I said, shaking my head, but tried to hang on to the beam more tightly.
"Keep complaining and I'll be calling Tyler here. I'm sure he'll gladly do what I tell him," Josh replied.
I snorted. "Tyler enjoys annoying everyone. He's definitely be a hitchy scab too."
"Tyler loves me. He would be a great little helper."
I snorted again. "Tyler loves me more."
"Call him," Josh said, taking his glasses off and putting down his welding equipment, and started to shake his finger at me. "Call him and ask him."
I rolled my eyes. "I'm not calling him."
"Because you know he likes me better?"
I could keep on arguing with his about this, but I knew my best friend, and I knew exactly what he was trying to do here.
I crossed my arms over my chest. "No, because I know you've done everything you could so far to divert from what you know I want us to talk about. You've been trying to dodge it by distracting me."
Josh shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest too, mirroring me. "Can't blame me. You're easily distracted."
"Not that easily distracted."
"So, when are we getting on that plane?" he asked me, tilting his head.
"I'm not leaving, and you know it."
He sighed, but still smiled a little at me. "I know."
"And that means?" I pressed.
"That you're about to give your precious flower to Lexi Grayson," he replied with an evil grin.
Nope, wasn't going to fall into that trap. He was too easy to read.
"That means you need to fess up about Jayden," I reminded him.
He'd promised me. He'd said that if I didn't leave town, he would tell me about a secret he was keeping for Jayden.
"I'd rather be whined and dined first. Please, before I open myself up, I need to be wooed," Josh answered.
I joked around a lot with Josh. My best friend was rarely serious, and that was fine, it was one of the many things I loved about him.
But I also knew that this was his way of changing the subject.
Because he'd been pretty sure I was going to leave.
It was kinda weird though. He should have known this would be the outcome when he brought Lexi to my birthday party.
So deep down, part of him must have wanted to tell me the secrets.
I just needed to be a little more persistent.
Time to be honest.
"I keep feeling like I wasn't a good enough brother. I always relied on him. He was always the one taking care of me. And I never gave him anything," I admitted.
"You never had to. You were his little brother. All he wanted was for you to be happy, and to have everything you wanted," Josh said, looking at me with eyes a little sadder now.
"I wanted him around longer..."
"Me too..." Josh trailed.
And in that moment, maybe because I was finally starting to be less selfish, I could see it.
I'd been only thinking about myself again.
Josh had brought Lexi to my birthday party because he wanted the best for me, and he wanted me happy.
Regardless of the fact that he didn't actually want to share any secrets.
And I should be a good little brother for once and let him have that.
"You lost him too," I said softly.
Josh frowned, confused by my change of tone. "Huh?"
"I've been very self centered in my feelings, and my assumptions," I started to explain," I can admit that much. And I'm not the only one that lost Jayden. You actually had him for longer than me after all... In a way he was yours before he was mine. So I guess it's okay if you keep things from me. He might have been my whole world, but he hadn't been just my brother either. He was yours too."
Jayden hadn't just been my brother after all.
Josh and Jayden had been inseparable. Jayden had gone through pretty crazy hoops to make sure Josh would stay with is longer. It was one of the reason why Josh had always felt like a member of our family rather than just a friend of the family. He'd almost always been there.
But when Jayden had died... Josh had still been like a part of our family... but differently. Never the way it had been when my brother was still there. So Josh had lost more than just his best friend in a way.
"You know... I lost my whole world when I lost him too," Josh admitted sadly. "I've been trying to protect him all these years, the way he protected me too."
Josh was sad.
Actually sad.
I took the few steps separating us and hugged my brother. "It's okay," I told him, and dropped my hands, taking a step back. "I kinda came here like a bull on a mission. But if I actually want to be a better person, and the best version of me... I have to start by being more understanding and fairer. You and Jayden are allowed your secrets. I'll be there when you're ready to share them with me."
A small smile appeared on his lips.
This was right. This was the way to make things right and start being a better person, a better brother.
"Maybe I'm wrong you know. Maybe Jayden really loved Kendall in a way I couldn't understand. Maybe they would have ended up together forever. Maybe I'm wrong about everything. Maybe it was just my wishful thinking. We'll never know. Some parts of him neither one of us will ever know."
"And that's okay. If you ever want to talk about Jayden, I'm here. If you want to keep it to yourself, I'll respect that. This is me finally trying to be a better little brother."
Josh smiled, and hugged me again. "Jayden would be proud."
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Happy Monday my little Pumpkins! :D
This chapter is a little short but I just felt like this was enough for this one, the way things are split in the future ones. I know a lot of people might have wanted this conversation to go in a different way, but this is just the beginning, and Josh still needs time to be ready to open up. (and yes I know, y'all want more Weird and Weirder so we can explore all of that more. XD I'm working on it.)
Anyway! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. There was a wicked thunderstorm here all evening long, so I stayed away from my computer. XD I gotta go write now. And try not to go to sleep too late. :') I assume I'm gonna be wrecked emotionally by Love Like the Galaxy so it should be a good time for me to write emotional chapters. XD I'm writing Bold Lexi lately though, so that might be interesting. XD
By the way, if you want to read more Little Bitch, you can subscribe to my Patreon, to the early access tier, at patreon.com/kariannegiard.
Alright, time to go now. I love you guys! Take care and see you all next week! :D