Hii!! It's me, author! I have an Urdu exam in like... 7 hours but look at me!! Anyways, look at this amazing fanart sent to us by our lovely @elvie 3 like damnnnnnn!! This is from chapter 088 when [Name] fights the mom!! I adore how pretty she looks which is why I will proceed to cry in a corner...
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As you let your brother hold the shopping bags in between you two, you revved up the engines and heard them come to life. It was a soothing sound to you as it rang in your ears.
You made sure your brother was seated safely before revving the engines up further and speeding off. You smiled as you heard your brother let out a small laugh, feeling more free than ever. With speeds that were just barely below the speed limit, you drove off to your house.
You still felt a bit giddy when you referred it as your house. It just gave you a sense of euphoria when you realised that you managed to get away from your mother and her sick fantasies of turning you into a boy, more specifically into your brother.
When you parked in front of your house, you were greeted with one of the neighbors who sneered at you, "Tone it down, would you? Damn fucking brats these days..." Your brother felt his eyes twitch in annoyance at the irritating old hag, "Shut up, damn it!! No one wants to hear ya' bitch!!"
You stifled a laughter bubbling in your throat, covering your mouth as the lady hung her mouth open at the blatant insult she had just heard, "Why you little-" She stopped when she caught sight of your ominous glare, "Back off... I don't hit the elderly but that doesn't mean that I won't affront you..."
She backed away a bit, feeling a chill run down her weak bones as you kept your cold glare on her. With clicking her tongue, she walked away back into her house.
"Haha, you showed her, kiddo!!" Your brother cheered as he got off the bike and you parked it in front of the house. As you both mounted off, you grinned brightly at him while he opened the door to the house. You both entered through the front door and walked in, your brother placing the bags onto the dining table.
"Hey, what'cha wanna eat?" [Brother Name] questioned as he went in the kitchen to get a glass of water. You tilted your head in contemplation before furrowing your eyebrows, "Uh, you gonna cook?" You questioned and he frowned, "I, uh... dunno how... I'm gonna order, that's why!"
You shot him an amused grin, "Uh, big bro... Just tell me what you wanna eat, I'll cook." He stared at you for a good minute before lunging at you and grinning brightly, "Oh, my God!! You can cook?! Ahh!! I'm saved from eating take-outs for dinner now!!" You just giggled softly at his words.
Getting up from the couch, you walked over to the fridge and peered in to check what you guys had. From what you could see in both the fridge and the freezer, you guys had enough to chicken katsudon.
You took out the ingredients and walked in the kitchen, placing the chicken in the water to thaw it and got the rice from the lower cabinet where you saw your dad pull it out from in the morning.
Your brother grinned while coming over to help you, "You need help?" You shook your head at his question and were about to grab the seasoning for the chicken when you heard your phone ring as a notification rang up.
"Uh, big bro? Could you look at that and tell me who messaged me?" You asked and he nodded while moving towards the coffee table.
"Uh, it's someone named Emma-chan!" He stated and you immediately dried your hands to get the phone and read the text.
Emma-chan
Emma-chan
Hey!
Uh, are you free today?
If you are, wanna come
over for a sleepover?
You stared at the text in contemplation. As much as you wanted to meet Emma after such a long time, you also wanted to spend some time with your brother.
"Huh? Is everything okay, [Name]?" Your brother asked and you shot him a reassuring grin, "Yeah! My friend just asked if I wanted to come over for a sleepover..." He nodded and pay your shoulder, "Well, you're going, right?" You shook your head and he frowned, "Why not? You're young, you should treasure your time with your friends!" He explained and you hid your head behind the phone, "Well, it's also a school night... so..."
Your brother smiled, "Well, if you wanna go then how about you take your uniform with you? You can get ready there and leave with your friend!" Even if she goes to a different school, it won't be too far away, right?" You thought about his offer, "But what about you? You'll be here alone!!"
You knew that since your father worked as a teacher for a prestigious school, he would often opt to stay overnight at his job. So leaving your brother alone seemed a bit wrong.
"Don't worry! I'm 20, dumbass! I can take care of myself! Besides, I'll just go annoy my friends!!" You frowned but he just ruffled your hair in response, "You can leave after dinner! How about that?"
He suggested and you nodded at his words, "Sure!" And with that, you got to work to make dinner for both of you.
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After dinner, you went back to your room to pack your things as your brother waited downstairs. Feeling excited to try on your new clothes, you took an oversized, plain beige sweater, and paired it with a flowery long skirt. Wearing your boots next, you grabbed a small backpack, filling it with your flip phone, money and essentials for a sleepover, along with your uniform. Taking your keys, you walked down the stairs and then realised... you can't exactly take your bike because you're wearing a skirt.
Well, you could ride it, hypothetically. But you'd rather not. So you opted to take the subway.
As you descended down the stairs, you were met with your brother who grinned brightly at you, "Heh! You don't look half bad!" You sneered at his words, "It wouldn't have killed you if you just admitted that I looked nice!"
With a shake of his head, you settled that this was the most you would get from him. And with that, you left the house with your brother, as he walked to his own friend's house while you went to the Sanos'.
The subway, thankfully, wasn't crowded. And with the way you looked boyish, no pervert would even think about going for you.
Thankfully, you managed to get off the subway and walked your way to the Sano residence. On your way, you bought a cookie gift box and had it packed up from the store. When you arrived, the lights were on and you could here the sound of voices coming from the rather large house.
You ringed their bell and waited for a moment, when you heard the sound of someone rushing over to the front gate. It immediately opened to reveal Emma, who seemed as if she had just bolted over here.
"Hi, Emma-chan!! Long time no see!" You greeted and she shyly smiled back before letting you in. You shook off her odd behavior since she was often a bit quiet around you, but you paid it no mind and walked in with her.
"Oh, by the way!!" You called out before you entered the house, "-here you go!" Handing her the cookies, she looked a bit surprised before smiling at you and ushering you in.
Once inside, you took off your shoes and were greeted by Grandpa Sano. Ah, you have so many memories thanks to this man.
"Ah, Sano-sensei!! It's been such a long time!! How have you been, sir?" You grinned, happy to see the elderly as he returned your kind smile, "[Name]? Oh, my!! It truly has been a long time since I saw you!" He grinned back as he answered, "I'm fine! How are you, kid? By the way, congratulations!" He cheered and you giggled softly, "Yes! It was all thanks to the support you and your family had given me, or else I would have never made it this far!!"
Grandpa Sano smiled to himself. Always the polite child you were. You really hadn't changed much over the couple of months you hadn't visited the Sano residence.
"As polite and humble as ever, little [Last Name]! Make sure to stay like this, even when you're older!" He praised and you lowered your head in gratitude, "As long as you continue to guide us, I shall do my best to uphold the values taught by you, sensei!" He patted your head and let Emma take you to the living room, where Manjirō was seated.
All of a sudden, your head was filled with the memories of Mikey's previous words at the hospital. You felt your dinner returning to your throat as you felt sick.
However, Manjirō thought otherwise.
His eyes widened the minute he saw you and lunged forward, wrapping his legs around your torso and his arms around your shoulder. He buried his head in the crook of your neck and softly breathed your scent in, "[Name]!!" He cheered, voice coming out rather muffled as he spoke through your shoulders.
You almost tumbled over in shock had you not planted a foot behind you to stabilize yourself from the sudden added weight.
"M-Manjirō?!" You gasped awkwardly, still unsure how to act with him. You wanted to talk things out with him but he wouldn't let go. And you doubted you could talk, with Emma in here.
"Mikey! Let him-I mean... Let her go!!" You smiled to yourself as you finally realised why Emma was acting so odd around you. You would like to talk to her as well, but it seemed like it would have to wait, especially with Mikey clinging onto you like a koala.
"No!! I don't wanna!!"
"Ugh, Mikey!! Just go and get the futons from your room, already!!" Emma sneered and you were almost amused at their banter. Keyword, almost. Because as of current, you were being crushed by a 124 pound man-child.
"[Name] will take me there, right?!" He yelled back at Emma and you decided that the best way to preserve the peace was to just carry Mikey to his room, "Emma-chan, it's okay! I'll take him there and I'll bring the stuff from his room with him, okay? Don't worry!"
This was actually the perfect time to talk things out with Mikey. And so, you carefully waddled your way to Mikey's room and had to literally pry him off your body just to make him let go, "Manjirō, we're here... Come on, let go!" You ordered but he just pushed his neck deeper in the dent between your shoulders and neck.
"Manj-" you were cut off by the said boy's voice, "Hey, [Name]... Did I scare you that day?" Well, at least he's straight to the point!
You stayed quiet for a moment before heaving a sigh, breaking his heart even further. He slowly unwrapped himself off of you, realising that he probably didn't have that privilege anymore since you were angry at him.
"Manjirō, I-" he cut you off once more, "[Name], I told you... I don't care if you don't like me back... I just... don't want you to leave me..." He confessed while staring at the tatami floor.
Your eyes widened when he didn't listen and continued on, "Look, I get it that I'm not pleasant to be around, but I want you with me! Call me selfish or a prick, but I really don't care about it as long as you are by my side!!"
His voice began to increase in volume but thankfully his room was a bit farther away from the main house so the others probably wouldn't hear you, "No, Manjirō... I-"
Again. You were cut off again.
"I can't lose you! Not you, of all people! I didn't care when Kazutora left, or Pah-chin or Baji! I won't care if Ken-chin, Mitsuya or anyone else leaves, but not you!! Anyone but you!!" His tears began to pool his wide, lifeless black eyes as you frowned at him.
"Y-You very important to me!! I need you with me or I'll kill them all and then myself!! You should only be with me-" His words were cut off when you knocked a punch in his gut, making him gasp for air as he fell to the ground.
Raising your hand, you slapped him across the face, leaving a red imprint on his cheek. He turned his head from the force and kept it that way, staring at the emptiness in shock as you glared at him, "[Name], w-why-"
You shut him up by slamming his body on the wooden floor and covering his mouth with the palm of your hand, "Shut up! Shut the fuck up, will you?!" You sneered at him, making him nod unconsciously.
"You just wanna spit out some bullshit but you don't wanna fucking listen, do you?" You heaved as you sat on him, bending down to meet him face to face. You brought your face dangerourly close to his and started, "I'm not leaving you! No one is! Not Kazu, not Haruki! Not Keisuke, nor Ken and neither is Takashi! No one is!! So why the fuck do you think we'll leave you alone, huh?!"
You uncovered his mouth to let him answer, "B-But you're always about to!!" He cried out, tears beginning to cascade down his pale cheeks, "Y-You're always about to, that's why I get scared and yell at you! I would rather you fear me and stay than you leave me!!"
"Listen, Manjirō... Listen to me, okay?" You had calmed down by now. You leaned back a bit until your back was straight and sat upright, "I will never, ever leave you, got it? I will stay with as long as my body and this world allows me to, okay? And so will everyone else..."
"We may not always stick around, but we will be there when you need us!" For some reason, you felt tears prick at the corner of your eyes, "So why... why do you keep thinking this way?! Why do you think that we'll leave you when we would literally give up our lives for your happiness! You think that we wouldn't stay with you when we would go as far as getting ourselves killed?!"
He didn't answer.
"I care about you, so, so much!! So much that since the beginning of it all, I have done everything I could for you!! Since the very beginning, I have cared so much that I destroyed my own self just for you to take my pieces and be happy... So why... why the fuck do you do this?"
"Killing everyone?! Don't give me that bullshit!! You think this is a joke?!" You cried out, letting him watch you as you broke down.
"You said you loved me, right? Then why do you hurt me? You yell at me, you disregard my emotions and opinion!! Why?!"
He stared at you, emptily before bringing up his hand and wiping your tears away, "Someone once told me... that people don't look pretty when they fall down, and yet here you are. You look so pretty when you cry..." He smiled through his tears and his remark just made you cry harder, "For fuck's sake, Manjirō!!"
He chuckled softly but muttered out a small apology.
"I don't... want you to leave..." He admitted and you looked at him in surprise.
"What?" But you just said that you won't.
"Everytime I get angry... It's when I realise that you're slowly slipping away from me..." He played with the sleeves of your sweater, "I want you to be with me, forever and ever... even when I'm choking on my last breaths..."
"I've just fucking told you that I'll be with you... Do you not believe me?" He shook his head at your accusations, "No, it's not... that..."
"-it's just... sometimes... I feel weird. Like I don't feel like myself... I just feel like, that... at that time... Everyone will take you away from me... And I hate it. I hate it more than anything."
You heaved a sigh, before grabbing onto both sides of his face with your hands and forcing him to look at you, "Listen Manjirō... You know that I will always, and I mean, always... want what's best for you, right?" You questioned and he nodded his head while staring at you.
"Then you need to know that... when I say you need some help, is not me saying it in an insulting way... I think we all, need help..." But the 'not insulting' part flew straight over his head as he scrunched up his nose, "So you're saying I'm crazy?"
You shook your head desperately and let the tears pool in your eyes again out of sheer frustration, "No!! Manjirō, I said fucking listen!!" You cried out and he stopped himself from speaking at your outburst.
"You-You... Manjirō, you almost killed Kazutora and then confessed to me that you felt no remorse! You can't do that!! Manjirō, you and I!! We're not okay enough to be leading an army of 100 teenagers who are high on adrenaline and hormones!! All of us, we're fucked in the heads!!" You cried out and he stared at you monotonously.
"You don't understand, do you?!" You shook his head by grabbing onto it forcefully and shaking him, "You truly don't understand how messed up we are?! We're kids, Manjirō!! For fuck's sake, we aren't supposed to be beating each other to death!! We aren't supposed to be frequenting the hospital because one of our friends almost died!! We're not supposed to be like this!!"
"You and I are so messed up in the heads that we don't even realise what we're doing is wrong!!" You yelled at him, feeling your throat dry out as you talked even more.
"Do you ever sit down and think about how none of us are qualified to be leading Toman?! Haruki is in jail because he's got severe anger issues! Keisuke is no different!! Kazutora, oh God... that guy is about as bad as us both!! Both Takashi and Ken, who are considered normal, have severe inferiority complexes about their living conditions!!"
"Do you finally get it?! Toman should have been disbanded the moment we finished off the 9th Generation of the Black Dragons!!" You hissed and he glared back, "So what?! Are you telling us that this was for nothing? Didn't you want us to be on the top, [Name]?"
"Who gives a shit about who's on top?! You think anyone will care about that? No!! Not when half of us are dead as a result of our declining mental health!!"
His eyes darkened and he pushed you off of him and onto the floor. Flipping your positions, it was him who was on top of you this time, "I do. I care because this is my whole life... If you're asking me to throw away one of the only things that give me a life, then I don't think you ever understood me..." He growled and you stated at him, quietly.
"I never told you to disband Toman now... Besides, it's too late. The damage this gang had to do to us, has already been done. And knowing you, convincing you is harder than talking to a brick wall..."
"Then what are you trying to do?"
"I'm trying to say... That we need to get help, Manjirō. You need help, I need help. All of us do."
He shook his head stubbornly, "No, I'm fine." You gritted your teeth at his actions before trying to get up but he was straddling your hips with his legs, "You're clearly not! No one who beats their childhood friend half to death, is fine!!" You sneered at him and he frowned back at you.
"Kazutora-"
"-did not deserve this! You and I both know that he was ill, mentally ill!! Someone like him who can't even separate reality from fantasy cannot deserve such a cruel punishment!!" You tried to reason but Manjirō was hell-bent on his decision.
"I don't blame him, not anymore... Because you told me to stop it... But that doesn't mean that I'll go to some fucking therapist so they can sing me a lullaby or two and then treat me like I'm psycho!!" You almost wanted to bash his head open.
"Manjirō!" He pinned your arms down and glared right into your [eye colour] eyes. With both hands on your sides, and your legs straddled by him, you didn't know how you'd escape him.
He brought his face closer to you, until he was an inch apart from you, when you finally got to see his face up close.
Tears pooling in his eyes once again, began to drop down from his eyes onto your cheeks. His silent tears began to morph into sobs escaping his thin lips as his grip on your hand became weaker.
"Even though I love you so damn much... are you that desperate to get rid of me, [Name]-chin?"
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Side Note: Mental illnesses are practically taboo to talk about in Japan, from what I know. And this is why Manjirō doesn't like talking about it, cause he was raised pretty traditionally and it's just uncomfortable for him.