"Which are you, Miss Yeom? Are you his girlfriend or soulmate?" - Seokjin's friend
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You close your eyes as you smell the gentle breeze of the sea. It sways your cream-colored dress and your curls. Some strands whisps around underneath your wide-brimmed knitted bucket hat that Seokjin gave you. The yacht slowly rocks on the waves of the deep waters. It's hot, but nothing is hotter than the shirtless Seokjin on the deck with his fishing pole, face at peace and occasionally smiling at your direction.
It makes you giddy. The worry that had enveloped you a while ago had slowly melts with the afternoon sun. It should be like that. You should enjoy, especially with all the things that you would experience just this week. It would be busy, and you should have reveled on it.
Mr. Ryu met you yesterday. He gave you a schedule of your own for the first time, stating that everyone in BTS wanted to be with you. No one wanted to clash their times with you, just like what happened with Hoseok and Yoongi. However, the man seemed so serious as he handed it, stating that you should remember what you signed on the contract... that there were reasons that they had made their identities secret before they could be sure. Apparently, the company was not amused of you seeing Yoongi's parents and pretending to be his soulmate.
"We had talked about it with Mr. Min." Mr. Ryu informed. "Such act shouldn't have happened." He reprimanded.
You just nodded, thankful that he didn't know about Yoongi introducing you as his wife to your former colleagues. You won't know how much he would react with that incident.
"If ever, many would be affected, including yourself." He warned before he left.
That gave you a mixed feeling.
Should you be worried? Was it wrong to enjoy their company? Or... is he worried about you instead... perhaps with your own heart?
You almost scoffed at that.
There you were again with your assumptions. Your delusions had been escalating lately. You should start taming it in able to foothold on the reality.
Except Anna, no one had ever worried about your well-being, all the more with your heart. It had been crushed multiple times already and you had been so accustomed on patching it all up on your own. You are sure that they are only concerned on how would it affect their artists' reputation. They are only preventing to expose any of the members to any scandal. They were just protecting their own.
'Who am I anyway? I am just nothing. They could just let go of me if they want to.' With that thought, you couldn't help your heart to ache. You crease your brows in worry. Maybe you have to be ready with your patching up sooner. Maybe you should prepare yourself for inevitable. Now with the growing feelings you have for them.
Your musings halts with the funny way Seokjin wrestles with his fishing pole and the hilarious disappointment on his face of once again missing another catch.
Your giggle loudens to a laugh with his enthusiasm on his hobby.
Seokjin texted you last night, reminding you of the scheduled activity – fishing. With your constant chat with all of them, you had known their preferred activities other than music. The concept of being with the eldest at the middle of the sea made you happy. Just the chance to know more about him made you happy. It made you so excited that it almost took your sleepiness away. At dawn, he arrived and gingerly gave you a wake-up kiss. It was unnecessarily romantic. It breathed a new kind of music within your heart. It surely started your day with a bounce. Both of you laughed as you drove to the yacht club where he himself owned a huge one. However, it was not only the two of you. He was with his older friends.
It made you uneasy. Realizing that you were the only female on board scared you. The feeling of running away was so immense that anxiety slowly crippled your knees. Reasons of not going immediately immerged but you couldn't just upset Seokjin and backed out. After all, it's your job.
Good thing, Seokjin soothed your heart and made you calm. It's a wonder really how he could do that with just a gentle squeeze of your hand. If you think about it... really think about it. You had been either fearful or awkward with men. Bad experiences with their sex were just something you couldn't ignore. You had always made sure that you won't be alone with them... particularly strangers. Not especially with a bunch of them around. Yet with your bosses? With BTS? It's a whole lot different thing. Maybe because you have the contract to protect you, knowing that you would not be hurt. Or maybe, they are special in any way they are. You are sure that they can't ever hurt you. However, now... with the way you are feeling... you could see yourself hurting in the future.
"Having fun?" You endearingly stepped closer, deciding to disrupt his focus.
He chuckles a "Yeah." And instructs you to hold the fishing pole yourself.
"Are you sure?" You whisper. You don't want to ruin this for him.
"Come on. Do it like this." Seokjin takes both of your hands and set them properly.
"You two are quite lovely. That made me jealous." The man at your right teases.
You blush, not knowing what to say. One thing that unnerves you was the way Jin introduced you as his girlfriend. If he couldn't introduce you as his soulmate, just like Yoongi did, Jin should have had introduced you as his friend instead. Maybe he could have convinced his friends that you two are close. But he used "girlfriend" among all things. You saw how the others' brows raised with that, but didn't say more anything about it. They would just tease the two of you, especially when Seokjin becomes touchy, just like right now.
"Stop it hyung. You have your wife already." Seokjin saves you for saying anything.
Another man chuckles. "Oh... If he knew you would be bringing your girlfriend, he would have brought his too."
Your ears itch with that. Girlfriend – a term that gives a whole lot of meanings. Some shitty men use that to those who they cheat with. Some use it to those friends that give more than a friend should. Some innocents would use it to those friends in opposite gender. Perhaps, Seokjin is the latter... but these men are definitely the former. Imagine having relationships outside their soulmate bond, that if the wife is not a soulmate.
'Rich men.' Your eyes almost roll with that. Families with old money live so differently. Just to preserve their wealth, they choose their partners with reputation and wealth as well, leaving their soulmates tucked somewhere else. Their money can do anything at their will. Perhaps these men are just as the same. You wonder why Seokjin is friends with these types of men. Is he the same? That thought makes you a bit upset.
"Hyung! What would noona say?" Seokjin simply smiles, obviously a fake one.
"Hush... no one knows." The other laughs loudly.
You remain silent. You don't want to look at the men. Not to be rude, but you really don't like the way they look at you. It's as if they are skinning you alive, and observing you so closely of what you really are to Seokjin. Well... it's understandable. Knowing Seokjin as the youngest among them, maybe they are just protecting the man from any unwanted leeches. But the loud man is simply so creepy. Disliking him is a bit bland to the feeling that crawls on your skin. You loathe the way he commented on your pretty face and your slim petit figure the first time he attempted to converse with you, which you simply replied with a joke. It's as if, it's the only thing that you have, nothing more. He seemed to have been convinced that you are just one of those delicate dolls hanging around their youngest friend.
With the way he behaved, you are sure, he knows that Seokjin has no soulmate. Maybe that's the reason why Seokjin couldn't introduce you as one.
"Don't bother much about him." You hear Seokjin whispers on your ears as he leans over, enclosing you with his sweaty skin. You can't help but close your eyes with the sensations of his breath on your nape. He smells divine. His proximity is blurring your thoughts, almost forgetting that there are other men watching the two of you, teasing unceasingly, laughing.
"Sir, here is what you requested." You see a uniformed man giving Seokjin a glass of wine.
"Thank you." Seokjin says and looks at you. "You want some?" He asks but you answers a polite no.
"Girlfriend wouldn't want to be drunk? Come on. It's just wine." The loud man comments. He really is getting your nerves.
"One should be sober in fishing." You smile. You make Jin giggle with that.
"Be a gentleman to the lady, Dong-hyun." Finally, the silent man, who seems to be the eldest among the them reprimanded.
Dong-hyun, who's name you almost forgot with your irritation, playfully zips his mouth and mockingly bows to your direction. Looking at him closely, he seems to be the drunk one. Why would he bow at you like that if he is not?
"Sorry about that." The silent one kindly says to you.
Before you could reply, you feel the tagging of the fish pole and Seokjin immediately reacts and hands the glass of wine to his loud friend. He then instructs you on how to lure the fish. You laugh when you pull a small fish, instead.
"That's disappointing." Your eyes crescents with your catch. The surprise of catching one on your own is exhilarating. It eases you a bit.
"No matter. It's still a catch." Seokjin chuckles. The man in uniform takes your fish after taking a picture with you holding it closer by the fishing line and Seokjin by your side. "We should catch another for dinner." He enthusiastically suggests and swings the line again towards the open sea.
With that, you are back to listening to Seokjin's love on fishing... betting you kisses once he catches a bigger one, which you couldn't say no to. You had fun until he caught a huge tuna. The price was a lengthy kiss. Super happy, Seokjin personally goes with the uniformed man to prepare it for everyone, leaving you at the deck with the rest of the men.
"Which are you, Miss Yeom? Are you his girlfriend or soulmate?" Another man curiously asks. Maybe with the way their friend behaves with you, they had started to think more of the status of your relationship with Seokjin.
"How does the two differs?" Of course, you know, but you choose to play dumb.
"A lot." The silent man murmurs, loud enough for you to hear.
You awkwardly giggle as you cross your arms around your chest, feeling much more uncomfortable with his piercing gaze.
"It's a pity if you are only his girlfriend." Dong-hyun continues with his mocking tone. "Once the soulmate comes, you are nothing but a substitute for her absence." He adds.
You know that too well. Telling that to your face is a painful slap. It makes you tremble a little, but your façade remain calm and unaffected.
You really want to run away. Why can't Seokjin bring you with him wherever he had gone? Your eyes then pan to Seokjin, leaning casually by the railing, realizing that the man could be already there far longer. Whether he heard everything or not, you don't know. He doesn't even say anything about that. He is just watching, perhaps waiting for your response.
His silence hurts a lot more than anything so far.
You assess your feelings. Are you hurt with the mockery on Dong-hyun's voice or to the truth that he just revealed? Or with how Seokjin behaves? But what right do you have to be hurt? It should not be your business. He doesn't have to say anything else. He is not required to.
"I would be happy then if that's the case." You hide your heartache with another giggle. There is no use to pretend anything as a mere girlfriend. That's what Seokjin see you. Why not play that part? "It would be great if he can finally build a family on his own."
"You are too kind." The silent voices. You want to refute that, because you are never kind. You are selfish. You only wish that you never meet Seokjin or anyone in BTS. If you didn't meet them, you shouldn't have felt more selfish than ever. You wouldn't harbor any feelings. But you still hope.
"And what will you become?" The man who curiously began all those questions ask sincerely. Maybe Seokjin's friends are not all that bad.
"Time will just tell?" You tilt your head as your eyes glimmer with something that you wish for. Maybe you could find your own too... but that is something written on your fate already. You will be alone. Hopefully, you won't be lonely.
The man scoffs. Another mischievously whistles.
"If only I don't have a soulmate, I could have you as a girlfriend." Another man teases.
"We could be together sweetheart. My wife wouldn't mind." Dong-hyun boldly states as he winks at you.
Jin's head snaps at that. You could see a flash of anger on his eyes.
Before Seokjin could do anything. You simply joke with, "That if you're worldwide handsome." And everyone laughs.
You are thankful that in that right moment the silent man yells that he feels something tagging his line, saying that it is much heavier and stronger than the ones that they already caught. Everyone becomes loud as they cheer. Some are helping the man to lure the fish to surrender... But you just watch everything in a blur. You couldn't pretend to smile when finally, another huge tuna wiggles on its pole. Not with its round eyes mirroring the helplessness to yours. Not with the tremble on your nerves.
You feel sick in the gut. You feel so guilty for feeling such emotion that you are not meant to dwell in. After all, you are just a mere Aphrodite. A pretend soulmate and a wife to Yoongi... A pretend girlfriend to Jin. You are simply a means to quell their rut and a literal cum dump.
"Sorry." The feeling of sickness swells more, making you gag towards the sea.
"Jasmine." Seokjin immediately comes to your rescue. His hands gently patting on your back. But instead of soothing you, you feel sicker and you have no choice but to excuse yourself from the merriment.
"I'm sorry." You hear him say as you try hard to suppress the feeling that your outmost hate... Pity.
You raise your hand to stop him from talking and the cabin becomes quiet.
Why does he have to say sorry? There is nothing to be sorry about. It's not his fault that you are not soulmates. It's not his fault that you are born that way.
You know that his intensions are only good. You know you shouldn't have felt such connection. It's just because you have been so used of being alone that the mere attention makes you feel so loved and cared already. Just because you have been abandoned that you feel the need to cling on anything that would see your purpose... however twisted it may be.
"Jasmine." You hear him again, now with someone's helpless sobbing. You want to know who is crying her heart out. Who the hell is muffling her sadness?
Then you realize. It's you. You are the only woman in this yacht. Of course... It's the only one you.
"Please... Just let me be alone." Your voice trembles. You feel so weak. Weakness that you had hoped to never resurface. Weakness that you had never dared to bare to anyone... Not even with Anna... Not even... You cry. And the only thing that soothes you is the pillow with the scent of Seokjin on it.
You hear the door closing and the click of the lock. You thought that he left you alone. There the dam that you kept shut for too long opens with the loudest siren.
"It's okay to cry... It's okay." You yelp with Jin's murmurs, helplessly trying to soothe you. But it's not okay. It's never okay. None in your life is okay. If you think about it, never in your life has been okay. Everything has been a constant chase and surrender... Reaching and failing... Climbing and falling. Perhaps from the very start your mother was right. Your birth had been a mistake. You were a mistake that she had to leave you to anyone that could at least feed you, never even bothering to come back. There were no even empty promises to make you hope for. From the start, she knew you are a hopeless case. A good for nothing ... A child that only knows how to bury her head with books ... Be blindingly hopeful towards life ... A pleaser for others just to survive... That even when you saw a way to live a comfortable life... you would still fail ... That when seven men bothers to take a pretentious glance... You already gamble your heart for a sure heartbreak. Yes. You had sullied your body and soul to the carnal mortal desires. But deep inside you are still the innocent little Jasmine, whose eyes were as wide as the headlights, waiting by the streets, craning for a mother that never came or for anyone to keep you safe... To belong.
You sleep after that. You don't know what Seokjin said to the men that they seem to be teasing the two of you the moment you come out from the room. You are not naïve to the way they look. Maybe Jin had implied that you had been more than sleeping inside the cabin. You just smile – plastering the same one that you had learned to master. To fool everyone that you are just fine. To fool yourself that you are fine.
**********
The silence of the parking lot is deafening. The two of you simply stands there as if waiting who among you two would start to say their goodbyes.
"Jasmine... Look, I didn't mean to put you in a situation like that." He starts to explain.
You simply nod and kindly smile. "It's okay. We didn't anticipate for that to happen."
"I-I was..."
"Forget all about it." You say before he could add anything else. You don't want this to be more awkward than it is. He had seen you crying. You are only grateful that he hadn't asked the reasons why. You are not prepared to answer that either. The silent journey back home is more than enough.
"Jaz..."
"Sir Jin." You addressed him so formally. It's the right way it should be. "I had fun." Lie. "Thank you." You deeply bow and walked toward the elevator without looking back to where he stands. You know he would never chase after you. He won't do that. That's not a thing he would do. He doesn't chase... not to a woman like you.
Author's Note:
Hello, hello!
Let's just say, I am making up for all those weeks that I didn't update on this story.
More? What do you think?
- Gigi.