Meredith ran a hand through her hair as she unsuccessfully fought back a yawn. It had been a long week since she had returned to work after her New York trip with Derek. Being only a second year resident, she didn't get much vacation time, and had to work extra hours if she wanted extra time off. And extra hours for a second year resident pretty much meant never leaving the hospital. It was a sacrifice, but one she had to make. Not going to Lauren's wedding with Derek wasn't an option and not taking time off to move wasn't an option, either.
She and Derek had flown home to Seattle on Monday and been back to work first thing Tuesday morning. It was currently Saturday, and Meredith had only been home once in that time. She glanced at her watch and sighed. Only five more hours and she got to go home and not be back until noon the next day; an entire eighteen hours away from the hospital.
Scribbling the last of her notes into the chart in front of her, she snapped it shut and forced herself to her feet. While she was normally one to simply use the ledge of the Nurses' Station to notate her charts, she had sought refuge in an empty conference room for the sake of sitting down. After spending the previous night in emergency surgery with Bailey, her feet and legs were killing her. She loved being a surgeon, but she would love it even more if she could somehow operate while sitting down.
With a groan, she picked up the pile of charts she had been working on and stiffly made her way out of the conference room. The Nurses' Station was absent of any nurses, so she collapsed onto one of the chairs behind the desk and began to re-file the charts herself.
"What are you doing back there?" Cristina asked as she dropped herself down onto the desk. "You should know by now not to piss of the nurses."
"I'm sure this will piss them off less than if I leave a pile of charts on the desk for them to put away."
Cristina shrugged. "True." She placed a sandwich package down onto the desk, and then held out one of the two bottles of water she had in her hands. "You looked like crap last time I saw you," she offered as explanation, "I wasn't sure if you'd had a break yet."
"Thanks," Meredith said, trying to offer her best friend a smile, but failing.
"You do look like crap," Cristina repeated.
Meredith rolled her eyes. "Thank you for pointing that out. I've been up for more than thirty hours, after getting about three hours of sleep in an on call room, and having been up for thirty-six hours before."
"Fun," Cristina said wryly. She opened her sandwich package and offered Meredith half.
"What kind is it?"
"Do you really care?"
"No," she admitted as she took the offered half. "Thanks, I'm starving."
"When are you off?"
"Six."
"Me too. Did you want to grab a drink at Joe's?"
Meredith shook her head. "I can't. We get the keys Monday morning and we're so not ready. Derek's been packing as much as he can this week, but it's not fair that I leave it all to him. I have to do as much as I can before I have to be back tomorrow, because I don't get to leave again until eight Monday morning."
"It wouldn't take that long; less than an hour. And you look like you need a break."
Meredith opened her mouth to respond, but caught sight of the familiar brunette she had gone back to avoiding over the last few days. On instinct, Meredith dropped out of her chair and dove under the desk.
"What the hell are you doing?" Cristina demanded.
"Just don't tell her I'm here."
"Who?"
"Dr. Yang?" Lexie's voice wavered slightly as she addressed her resident. "Are you...talking to yourself?"
"Do I seem like someone who talks to myself?" Cristina demanded.
"N-no," Lexie stammered.
"Then I guess I wasn't talking to myself."
"Of course. I'm sorry, Dr. Yang-"
"Is there a reason you're here?"
"I, uh, need a new assignment. I was observing the spleenectomy in OR 2, but it's over and I-"
"Go to the clinic, then," Cristina said, cutting off her rambling intern. "Page me for anything surgical."
"Thank you, Dr. Yang."
"But it better actually be surgical," Cristina called after her intern, "Because if I make the trek all the way down there for something non-surgical, you'll be on scut for a week!"
After several moment passed, Meredith sighed. "Is she gone?"
"It's safe."
Meredith crawled out from under the desk and pulled herself back into the desk chair.
"Care to explain? I thought we didn't hate her anymore?"
"I never hated her; just the idea of her."
"Okay," Cristina said, rolling her eyes, "I thought we weren't avoiding her anymore."
"We weren't. Now we are again."
"Right."
Meredith ran her hand through her hair. "We were doing okay. And then there was a thing. And now we're...I don't know. But I do know that I don't know how to handle it, I don't know what I want and I... And I'm hiding under desks like a lame ass loser." She buried her face in her hands. "A week and a half ago everything was fine. Why is my life a freaking soap opera?"
"If I had any idea about what was going on in your life, I may be able to answer that question." Cristina's tone was light, but very controlled.
Meredith glanced at her best friend's expression and sighed. She couldn't remember the last time she and Cristina had exchanged more than a few words between surgeries and patients. She definitely hadn't talked to Cristina after hers and Lexie's blowout over Thatcher the week before. Instead, she had talked to Derek. She hadn't talked to Cristina after Stan had died in the ambulance. Again, Derek. She hadn't talked to Cristina about her trip to New York. She hadn't discussed her moving plans. When she thought about it, she hadn't really even discussed her progress with Lexie.
She went to Derek after a bad day, a good day or even just for a sounding board, which was right. He was her husband. But Cristina was her best friend. There was no reason she couldn't go to Cristina, too. And there was no reason she should be keeping good things from Cristina. She had done so for a while, consciously, after Burke had left Cristina at the altar. But it had been four months. And if Cristina was reaching out for information, it meant she was okay hearing it.
"Thatcher was in the ER last week," Meredith started to explain. She wouldn't be able to update Cristina on everything going on in her life, but she could start here. "He got drunk and cut his hand and-" She was cut off when her pager went off. Muttering a curse under her breath, she pulled it off her waistband, praying it wasn't an emergency.
She didn't get her wish.
"Crap. I have to go." She stood. "Thanks for lunch."
Cristina offered her a tight smile, despite the fact that her eager expression had fallen at Meredith's page. "No problem."
"I... You know what? I think I can do Joe's tonight," Meredith impulsively found herself saying. There was a rift between her and her best friend that she hadn't even realized had been there until now. She couldn't just ignore it.
Cristina's eyes lit up. "Yeah?"
"One drink only," Meredith set her terms.
"One drink," Cristina agreed.
Meredith took off to answer her page, trying to figure out how she was going to tell her husband.
She didn't get out of surgery until just before six. Her patient from the day before had become unstable and required emergency surgery, keeping her from being able to call Derek ahead of time to let him know she wouldn't be home right away.
It was now five to six and she was sitting on the bench in the Residents' Lounger, staring at her cubby, her phone clasped tightly in her hands. He expected her home soon. She had to call. But she didn't want to.
He had been amazing this week. He had brought her coffee several times at work and hadn't once made her feel bad that she couldn't contribute to the pre-moving day activities. He had worked every day since they had come home from New York and had gone home to pack or gone out to pick up things they would need. They had finally decided on paint colours on the plane ride home from New York. He had gone out Tuesday after work to order the paint. He had made arrangements to get into the condo on Wednesday after work to take some measurements. Then he had gone out Thursday night to order appliances. He had followed up with their furniture orders to ensure they would be delivered when needed. And the list went on.
Derek was being the perfect husband.
And now Meredith was going to call him and be a horrible wife.
As his wife, the right decision was to go straight home. But as Cristina's best friend, the right decision was to spend some time with her friend.
Just one drink, she told herself as she speed dialled Derek's cell.
"Hey," he picked up after three rings, "You on your way?"
She hesitated. "Actually, no, I'm going to be a bit late."
"Your patient?"
It would be so easy to say yes. He couldn't blame her for needing to be at the hospital; it was her job. And he understood that. And he would never have to know differently.
But she would know differently.
"No," she said with a sigh. "I kind of promised Cristina I'd go to Joe's."
Silence.
She swallowed hard. "It's just one drink. Less than an hour. I'll be home by seven." She paused. "I'm sorry. I...tried to say no, but she... She's my best friend and we haven't really spoken in weeks and I know we won't have a chance next week because you and I will be moving and she sounded like she needed someone to talk to... I'm sorry." She repeated.
"It's okay," he said quietly.
Meredith blinked. "Really?"
He sighed on the other end of the line, his heavy exhale creating a hiss of static. "If you want me to say I'm happy with it, then I can't do that. But I get it."
Now he was being an even more perfect husband than before, and she felt like an even worse wife.
"I'm sorry," she said again.
"It's okay," he repeated. "Really. You've had a really hard week at work. You deserve an hour off."
"You haven't had time off," she pointed out.
"Do you want me to be mad about this?" He asked tensely.
"No," she said quietly, "But I expected you to."
"Go to Joe's with Cristina," he told her. "And I'll see you at seven. And I won't be mad."
"Thank you," she told him as she felt relief wash over her. "I won't be long. Do you want me to pick up dinner on my way home? Anything you want."
"Even Chinese food?"
She made a face. "If that's what you want, I'd live with it tonight."
He laughed, and any tension between them was broken. "Hmm, I could use this to my advantage."
She giggled.
"Pick up a pizza or something. Just make sure you get me a salad."
"Okay. Thank you, Derek."
"I love you."
She smiled. "I love you, too. And I'll see you in an hour," she said as she ended the call.
As if perfectly timed, Cristina walked into the room the moment Meredith hung up. "You ready?"
Meredith nodded. "I just have to make a call." She called the pizza place around the corner from the house and ordered a pizza and salad for pick up at seven while Cristina changed out of her scrubs. The two young surgeons then made their way across the parking lot to the bar. It was relatively quiet for a Saturday evening, and they easily found seats at the bar.
"This was a good idea," Meredith said as she pulled the closest bowl of peanuts between them.
Cristina nodded. "It's been a while."
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that..."
Cristina shrugged. "Whatever. Life happens," she said, brushing it off.
Meredith hesitated before deciding not to push the subject. Cristina was obviously feeling left out, but the important thing was they were here now. Pushing the subject would only lead to tension and would negate the purpose of going to Joe's in the first place. She only had time tonight for one drink, so she had to make the most of it. A deeper conversation could wait for another time.
"November is going to be different," Meredith declared. "Once we get the move over with, things will be less busy."
"Do you need help with the move?" Cristina asked quietly.
Meredith smiled. "Maybe. I'll let you know. We're only bringing little things from the house, so big burly delivery guys will be doing most of the heavy lifting."
Cristina smirked. "Can I come and camp out on your doorstep and watch the big burly delivery guys?"
Meredith laughed. "Absolutely."
"Here you go," Joe said, appearing on the other side of the bar.
"Thanks, Joe," Meredith said, and was echoed by Cristina.
"Haven't seen you two here for a while. Second year not treating you well?"
"Meredith's been getting McDreamied in her free time and I've been busy fighting Izzie for cardio," Cristina explained.
Joe nodded. "Izzie's been stepping on your turf?"
"She was, but I kicked her ass. She's backing off now."
Joe smiled. "Sounds like you." He turned away and headed back down the bar to another set of customers.
"Are things going any better with Hahn?" Meredith asked now that the subject was effectively breached.
"Minimally. She's stopped actively berating me, other than the odd time. She's letting me on her surgeries, but I'm not allowed to help or speak."
"That doesn't really sound much better."
Cristina shrugged. "It's something. I'm working my way up."
"Well, if there's anything I can do..." Meredith offered.
Cristina smiled. "You can make yourself look like an incompetent moron every time you work with her so I look better in comparison."
Meredith laughed. "Anything but that."
"It was worth a shot."
"So, any interesting surgeries lately?"
"I got to watch Hahn do a TLR last week."
"Wow, I've never seen one of those before."
Cristina shrugged. "I got to assist on one last year." With Burke, she didn't say out loud, but Meredith heard anyway.
"Well, I'm sure it's just a matter of time until Hahn stops making you jump through hoops."
"Whatever. Tell me what happened with Lexie." Her abrupt subject changed wasn't surprising, and Meredith went with it.
"We were doing okay. Well, I thought we were doing okay. I was stupid and I let her in. We had this patient... Well, I was on the wife, she was on the daughter. And the wife died, and the father wasn't sure if he could keep the baby. I got the father to tell me things he knew about her, and he ended up keeping the baby. And it kind of started this thing between me and Lexie. She'd tell me something about her and then I'd tell her something about me. It was...nice, almost comfortable. Like we could be sisters one day or something. Then Thatcher got drunk, which is apparently not so much an exception as it is the rule now, and he cut his hand. I stitched him up, and afterwards I thought I was being nice by telling her and...being nice to her. She yelled. And said things. And I..." She trailed off with a sigh. "She caught me off guard. I was so determined not to let Thatcher hurt me that I didn't see it coming. I kind of had a mini-panic attack."
"I'll put her on scut for the rest of her internship," Cristina declared casually, taking a sip of her drink.
"Thanks. That's...sweet, I guess. But unnecessary."
"You sure?"
Meredith nodded. "It's really not her fault. We tried to work towards the sister thing and we failed. At least we tried. And now we can both just move on."
"Which doesn't explain you diving under the desk today."
"I'd hoped you had forgotten about that."
"Never. I remember every embarrassing thing you do. Leverage."
Meredith smiled. "What a good friend you are," she said dryly. "And the desk thing was...instinct. She caught me off guard. I'm sure one day we'll be able to be just colleagues, but right now I don't want to say something stupid. And I don't want to say something mean, because she really doesn't deserve that. She's not in an easy position right now, either."
Cristina surveyed her through narrowed eyes for a long moment. "You like her," she practically accused, although her tone wasn't stating fault, just fact.
"I..." Meredith trailed off. Her non-relationship with her half-sister had been short and somewhat awkward, but she had enjoyed learning things about the younger Grey and telling Lexie some things about herself. And it had been nice to have the beginnings of a relationship with someone she was actually related to. "I guess I did."
Cristina raised an eyebrow. "Past or present tense?" She asked, directly addressing Meredith's slightly avoidant answer.
Meredith sighed. "Past for sure. Present...yeah, probably." Lexie was a good person. Meredith had enjoyed getting to know her.
"But you two are done?"
Meredith nodded. "She said things, yelled. And she's got Thatcher issues that I just...can't be any part of."
"We yell at each other all the time," Cristina pointed out.
Meredith smiled. "We do. But you're different. You're more my sister than Lexie."
Despite her obvious attempt not to visibly react to Meredith's words, Meredith caught a smile on her friend's lips. She'd made the right decision in going out tonight. "Have I told you yet about falling down the cliff at Lauren's wedding?"
Cristina smirked at both the subject change and the new subject itself. "No, but this is a story I definitely need to hear."
At seven-oh-nine, Meredith rushed through the front door balancing three boxes of pizza, Derek's salad, her purse and shoulder bag, and two empty boxes she'd snagged from the pizza store. "I'm sorry!" She called before the door even closed behind her. "The pizza place screwed up and I had to wait if we wanted to eat."
Derek appeared from the office, and immediately moved towards her. "How are you carrying all that without dropping anything?"
"I have no idea."
"Let me help," he said as he carefully lifted the food off the top of her pile. He raised an eyebrow. "I know I said to get whatever you wanted, but this seems like a little much, even for you and your bottomless stomach."
She laughed as she dropped the rest of her pile onto the floor by the stairs and followed him into the kitchen. "I called ahead, but they screwed up the order. Somehow a medium pepperoni pizza and a large salad turned into a large vegetarian and a large meat lovers... Anyway, they gave me the two screw ups. And they let me take some empty boxes for packing."
Derek chuckled. "Score."
She bumped his hip as he set down the food onto the kitchen table. "Thank you for understanding today."
"It's no problem," he said immediately, dismissing her concern.
She pressed between him and the table, and hooked her hands behind his neck. "But it could have been a problem," she said again, pressing a kiss to his lips. "You could have made it a problem. And you would have been entirely justified to do so. But you didn't. Because you're you." She kissed him again.
His arms closed around her. "Did you have a good time?"
"Yeah, I did," she admitted. "It was nice. I...didn't realize how little time I've been spending with her."
"You've been busy," he told her. "It's been a busy few months."
"That's putting it lightly," she said with a laugh. Cristina's failed attempt at marriage. Second year of residency. George's divorce. Interns to be responsible for. Getting married. Lauren's wedding. House searching. And now, moving. "I think I kept stuff, happy stuff, from her for a while because I didn't want her to feel bad after Burke left. But that kind of turned into keeping good and bad things from her. I think it hurt her. And I feel bad that I didn't even realize it until now."
"I'm sure Cristina understands."
"I know. I just...felt like she needed someone today. Hahn's still freezing her out. And she's..." Meredith sighed. "I just felt like she needed me to say yes."
He brushed his lips against hers. "You're a good friend."
"And you're a good husband," she countered. "You've been amazing this week; doing everything while I'm stuck at work. And we need to get ready to move next week. And the right decision for us would have been for me to come straight home and help you. But I needed to spend time with Cristina. And you didn't make me feel guilty."
"You deserved an hour off," he told her. "Plus, the only reason you've been working so hard lately to make up for the fact that you need time off for use to move and because you needed time off to come with me to New York."
She smiled at his insistence on making her feel better. "Things will get less hectic, right?"
He returned her smile. "I hope so. Just one more shift until you get some time off."
She laughed. "Yes, another marathon shift followed by time off to move."
"I didn't say it would get less hectic this week."
She kissed him again before pulling away. "Let's eat so we can get to it."
Before Meredith knew it, she was back at work. She had worked and worked and worked. And then she had one drink with Cristina and some pizza with Derek. And then a short bout of sleep. And now she was dressed in fresh, blue scrubs, staring into her own tired eyes in the small mirror in the back of her cubby. "Just one more shift," she told herself.
She had helped Derek pack the rest of everything that wasn't essential – they would be sleeping at the house for a few nights before moving to the new condo – and had planned on spending some time with her husband before going to sleep. Unfortunately, the moment she had sat down, she had been overwhelmed by exhaustion, and had practically passed out. The alarm clock had jolted her awake at five, and she had blearily gone through her morning routine.
"See you in a few hours," she'd murmured to Derek as she had leaned over his warm body, wishing she could crawl back into bed with him. He was always so warm.
He'd blinked up at her, a sleepy smile taking control of his lips. "Last time," he'd whispered.
"Last time, what?"
"That you'll get ready for work in this house."
Despite her tiredness, she'd smiled at his comment. "Good point," she said, before brushing her lips against his. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
Forcing her mind away from the sight of her very dreamy husband lying in bed and back to the present, Meredith sighed. "One more shift," she repeated. And then it was moving time for real. And, yes, it would be hectic, but at least she'd be able to sleep at night. Back to back thirty-plus hour shifts were not conducive to sleeping. "You can do this," she stated aloud.
Letting herself out of the Residents' Lounge, Meredith pasted the best well-rested expression on her face that she was capable of, and met her interns at the Nurses' Station. After dolling out assignments, she turned to the nurse behind the desk and asked for the chart for her emergency patient from her previous shift.
Flipping through the pages, she nodded to herself, happy with his progress, and made a mental note to check in on him, even though he was no longer a surgical patient. "Thank you," she told the nurse as she handed back the chart. Glancing at her watch, she decided to check on her former patient now. She wasn't scheduled to be in surgery for another hour, and she may not get a chance later with the way her shifts had been treating her lately.
Turning away from the desk, she startled as she came face to face with the intern she had been effectively avoiding since returning from New York.
Lexie looked startled as well, but also determined, as if she had been waiting for Meredith to turn around, but had still been startled when it happened. She appeared as apprehensive and uncomfortable as Meredith felt.
Meredith slowly released a breath as she fought for words. Any words. But she came up with none.
Fortunately, Lexie didn't seem to have the same problem. "I lash out when I'm scared," she stated.
Meredith ran her hand through her hair as she tried to make sense of Lexie's words.
"I know that technically it's your turn to say something," Lexie continued, unhindered by Meredith's silence. "But I was so horrible to you last time you tried to tell me something that I wasn't sure if you would want to talk to me again. And I really hope that you will talk to me again, because I really think we could be sisters and that we were working towards that. And I'm really sorry that I said those things to you. I was having a horrible day and I was dealing with things at home...well, you know now what I was dealing with at home... And, I don't even know what number we were up to anymore with telling each other things, but I wanted to tell you that I lash out when I'm scared. Dad is out of control and I'm at the end of my rope trying to deal with that, and I'm terrified of what could happen to him. And feeling like that makes me lash out, and you were...there." She paused. "I'm really, really sorry," she said sincerely. "I never meant for you to be involved in what's going on with dad, and I never meant to treat you like that. You didn't deserve it."
Having written off a relationship with Lexie, Meredith was taken completely by surprise, which didn't help her come up with anything to say.
"I'm sorry," Lexie said again, just as sincere as before. "And I'll understand if you don't want anything to do with me now, but I... I really hope that's not what you want." She swallowed hard and met Meredith's eyes, her own eyes filled with both regret and hope.
Meredith thought back to her conversation with Cristina the day before. Cristina had voiced the fact that she and Meredith yelled at each other all the time. That was their normal. She fought with Cristina, but Cristina was still her person.
She fought with Derek sometimes, but he was still her husband, was still the love of her life. Fighting didn't make her love or trust him any less.
She fought with her friends, but that didn't make them any less her family.
Maybe she had been too quick to write off Lexie. People fought. Sisters fought. Maybe it was...normal.
Lexie was still staring at her, an annoying amount of pleading somehow evident in her gaze. It made Meredith question why she had so quickly dismissed a relationship after making the decision to try. Did she want to try again? Lexie certainly did. It was all left up to Meredith. All she had to do was-
The insistent sound of a pager cut through the thick tension between them. Both Greys jumped and reached instinctively for their pagers.
"It's mine," Lexie said softly. She threw Meredith one more pitiful glance before scurrying away to respond to her page.
Meredith released a breath. Now what was she going to do?
Check on your patient, she told herself. And then surgery. And then maybe figure out what to do with Lexie.
It was nearly twelve hours later that Meredith finally had a moment to breathe. Her one scheduled surgery had turned into two, which had then put her in position to be pulled into a third when she happened to be in the scrub room scrubbing out when the Chief had come in with an emergency and had invited her to scrub in.
After having only grabbed a granola bar out of her cubby between surgery one and two, she was starving after having missed lunch and dinner. Knowing the cafeteria didn't offer much this time of night, she made her way down to the coffee cart by the front entrance and ordered herself a coffee, a bottle of water, a donut and a yogurt.
"Week from hell," she said as explanation when the barista laughed at her large order.
"Sorry to hear that. I hope it will get better soon."
Meredith smiled back, knowing it would. In just twelve more hours she would be off work for close to a week. And she would spend the entire time with her husband, moving into their first real home. "I'm sure it will," she said as she took her order.
Instead of heading back to the surgical floor right away, she headed into an empty section of chairs by the corner of the atrium. It was quiet here and she deserved fifteen minutes to sit and take a break from the hospital. With a relieved sigh, she sat, clutching her tray of goodies on her lap and closed her eyes.
Just twelve more hours.
And then moving time.
She smiled despite her tiredness. She would get through the night. Derek had promised to take her out for breakfast the next morning before they went to pick up the keys from the realtor, and she knew that knowledge would keep her going through the early hours of the morning.
Opening her eyes, she reached for the donut and practically inhaled it. She then downed half of her bottle of water before replacing the lid and setting the drink back into the tray. Feeling slightly more human, she pulled her cell phone from her pocket and speed dialled her husband.
"Hey," he breathed into the other end of the line after three rings.
"Hey, I missed you today." Although he had worked a ten hour shift, their paths hadn't crossed once.
"Crazy day, huh?"
"Crazy week."
"It'll be over soon."
"Trust me, I'm counting down the hours."
He chuckled. "You've been quite the trooper this week."
She smiled at his compliment. She had worked her ass off since returning from New York, but just because he hadn't spent as much time at work as her didn't mean he hadn't been as stressed. "I think we've both been pretty trooper-ish this week."
"Trooper-ish?"
"Yes."
"Mmm," he hummed, saying nothing more.
"It's a word," she defended.
"Did I say it wasn't?"
"No, but you were thinking it."
Derek laughed. "You don't know that."
"I do," she insisted.
"Are you a mind reader now?"
"Yes."
"Really?" He said, clearly amused. "Then what am I thinking now?"
"That I can't read minds, and that you married a crazy person."
He laughed again. "That's an amazing talent you've got there."
She giggled. "I try."
"So, speaking of one of your other, many, talents, how were your surgeries?"
"Long. But kind of awesome. Bailey let me scrub in on her liver resection and let me open, well, she let me do some of the opening. And she let me cauterize. And she didn't yell at me once."
"Wow, she must have been really impressed."
She smiled. "And the Chief has an accident victim. He was a mess inside. He let me do all sorts of stuff. Complex sutures. Cauterizing. Suction. Retracting..."
"Sounds fascinating."
"Don't mock my enthusiasm at the little stuff. We can't all be fancy neurosurgeons."
"You will be one day. Soon."
His complete confidence in her skills made her smile. "One day," she echoed, hoping he was right.
"You'll just have to settle more living vicariously through your husband for a little longer."
She laughed. "You're crazy."
"Maybe, but you married me, so you must be crazy too."
"We can be crazy together."
"I'm good with that."
Meredith was surprised to feel her heart tug at his words. Yes, they were bantering, but the ease of the conversation and reminder that he was completely in this with her made her a little giddy. "I know this week has kind of sucked," she said, becoming serious, "But I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm so excited, Derek. I'm so excited to live with just you."
"I'm excited, too," he said softly. "Just a couple more days."
"Just a couple more days," she echoed.
"I wish you could be here tonight," he told her.
"Me too." She closed her eyes and imagined curling up next to her husband on the couch, his strong arms around her and his warmth permeating every pore on her body. A wave of comfort washed over her. "I'm really happy, Derek," she whispered. For the first time in her life, she felt like her life was stable. She could separate the good from the bad. She had a hectic job, but she loved being a surgeon. She was struggling with Lexie, but she had a family in her friends. And she had Derek. And his unwavering support made everything better.
For a long moment, he said nothing, but the sound of his even breathing on the other end of the phone made her feel close to him. She could practically feel him with her. "I'm happy too, Mer," he eventually whispered.
"I remember how scared I was a year ago," she said with a chuckle. "I look at my interns and I remember feeling that intimidated both at the hospital and with you."
"I intimidated you?"
"No, being in a relationship intimidated me. Especially knowing it was a relationship that was going somewhere." She shook her head. "I knew there was a future there, but I never would have thought we could be here in just a year."
"It was a pretty big year."
"Yeah." She smiled. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
"Just twelve more hours."
"And then moving time."
"And then breakfast," she corrected. "And then moving time."
He chuckled. "Of course. Priorities."
"I already know what I'm going to order."
He groaned. "Not the waffle with all the crap on it..."
"It's not crap," she retorted.
He said nothing.
"You promised me whatever I wanted for breakfast."
"And I will keep the promise. I just don't have to agree with your choice," he joked.
She rolled her eyes. "You know you always have a bite. And you always like it."
"Whatever you say, dear."
Meredith rolled her eyes again. "So, what are you up to tonight?"
"Well, I think that we've got everything we're taking packed. I made sure the boxes were stacked downstairs in the office. I spoke to the realtor and everything's good. I told her we'd picked up the keys around noon."
She smiled in sudden excitement. This was really happening.
"Izzie's sulking a bit, so I got roped into eating two muffins."
"She deals with her emotions through her baking."
"Well, I had two delicious passive-aggressive, emotional muffins."
Meredith laughed. "She's not that passive-aggressive. She just doesn't like change."
"Will you miss them?" She didn't have to ask to know who he was referring to.
"Yes and no. They're my family. I'll miss having them around all the time, but..."
"But..."
She smiled. "But I'm growing, or whatever. I'm excited about living only with you. And I'm excited about privacy."
"Privacy is good."
"I'll still see them all the time at work."
"And they'll always be welcome," he assured her. "They're your family."
She smiled at how well he knew her, and at how much he respected and understood her view on life. He had never questioned that her friends truly were her family. He had never questioned her need for them. "Your family will always be welcome, too," she told him. "We did invite them to come and visit once we'd moved."
"I'd like that. Maybe my sisters will stop pressuring us to move to New York."
Meredith laughed at the ongoing argument between Derek and his sisters. They clearly accepted that he was happy in Seattle, but that didn't stop the comments. It was all in fun.
"Do you fight with your sisters?"
"All the time," he said dryly.
She laughed. "No, I mean actually fight."
"Why?"
"I just...want to know. The whole sister thing...I want to understand it."
"Is this about Lexie?"
"Yeah."
"Yes," he said, answering her original question. "We fought a lot when we were kids. Not so much after dad died, but I wasn't the same for a long time."
Meredith nodded along, even though he couldn't see her. She knew he had shut his emotions and needs away for a long time to ensure his family was okay after his dad died.
"After a while there were some fights, and then after I moved here..."
"Lots of fights?"
"I guess. Or, there could have been if I hadn't just ignored them."
"And now?"
"If we lived close and saw each other on a daily basis, then absolutely, I'm sure I'd constantly be fighting with at least one of them."
She smiled at his tone. "I think Lexie and I just had a fight thing. I don't think we're a lost cause."
"Did you talk?"
"She apologized. Profusely. And told me she lashes out when she's scared. And she's...well, she clearly has a lot to be scared of. And she really seemed genuine."
"What did you say?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"Nothing," she confirmed.
"You had to have said something."
"I didn't. She talked. I didn't know what to say. And then she got paged before I had to say anything. I literally didn't say a single word."
Derek chuckled.
"I...I think I still want to pursue...something with her. I'm just..."
"Scared?"
He was the only one in the world she would admit that to. "Yeah. I want to be able to trust her, but it's hard."
"Tell her that," he suggested.
"Okay." She sighed. "Do you think it was just a fight?"
"I think it could be just a fight if you want it to be. Or it could be the end if you want that, too."
Her mood darkened at the thought. "I don't want it to be the end. I could have a sister." She sighed. "You and I fight sometimes. And Cristina and I fight all the time. And I don't expect to lose either of you, so why is this so much harder with Lexie?"
"I don't know," he told her honestly. "Maybe because you associate her with Thatcher?"
His words rang true in her head. "How do I stop doing that?"
"I don't know," he echoed his earlier words.
"He hurt me, and now I expect her to as well just because she's his daughter."
"You're his daughter, too."
"Thanks for that," she said dryly.
"I didn't mean it that way. I meant that you're his daughter, too, and you're amazing. Compassionate. Caring. Strong. You're nothing like him. You're living proof that being his daughter doesn't mean you have his traits."
"And maybe Lexie doesn't, either," she finished his thought. "Huh, I never thought of it that way before." Lexie had never given Meredith reason to be wary before now, but Meredith had always been wary anyway. "Do you think she could be my sister?"
Derek didn't say anything right away, and when he did, his voice was soft and cautious. "I don't want to make this decision for you."
"Which means you think she could," she extrapolated. "If you thought she couldn't be, you would tell me."
"If I thought she would purposefully hurt you, I would definitely tell you," he stated. "She has always seemed genuinely interested in getting to know you."
"I think she could be my sister," Meredith admitted. "I know she wants to be. And I...could be. Not right away, but one day..."
"Whatever you decide, I'll support," he reminded.
"I know." She smiled at how much extra security she felt with his support. "I'll have to talk to her."
"You don't have to do it right away."
"I do," she insisted. "I don't want it hanging over my head the entire time we're moving. I want to be able to enjoy this week. I'm really looking forward to it."
"Me, too," he told her.
She glanced at her watch and sighed. "I should get back to the floor. I'll see you in twelve hours."
"I hope you get some sleep."
"Me too."
"See you tomorrow morning."
"Bye," she said as she hung up the phone. Almost through the week. Soon it would be moving time.
She quickly ate her yogurt and then stood and headed back to the surgical floor with her still-steaming coffee.
It wasn't until close to midnight that she bumped into her half-sister again. And she had instantly known she had made the right decision when Lexie had immediately decoded Meredith's explanation of, I withdraw when I'm scared, but I still want to do the thing. They weren't doing the sister thing now, but one day they could be. And that was enough for Meredith.
As if that weren't good enough, the hospital was quiet. All night. Meredith got a whopping five hours of sleep; a record for sure. After pre-rounds, rounds and sending her interns to their assignments, she caught up on all of her paperwork and managed to leave early.
By the time she pulled her jeep into the driveway – the last time she would be coming home to this house – she was practically shaking with excitement. Almost an entire week off was ahead of her to move into hers and Derek's first home for just the two of them. The fact that she was one hundred percent sure of this decision and not even a fraction of a percent uncertain or apprehensive didn't fail to escape her notice. She wasn't the same person she had been a year ago, or even a few months ago.
She was happy.
The boxes stacked by the front door made her smile as she let herself into the front hall. "Hey," she called.
Footsteps padded lightly across the floor above her as she slipped off her shoes.
"You're early," Derek said as he made his way down the stairs.
Meredith bit her lip as she surveyed his choice of attire. Old jeans and a college tee. His cheeks were red and his breathing was just a bit elevated. He'd obviously been moving boxes around. "The Chief sent me home early," she explained as she unsuccessfully fought off the wave of arousal his appearance created within her. He looked good in anything, but the lounging clothes were a favourite of hers. And seeing him just a bit worked up...
"Lucky you," he murmured, stepping into her space and wrapping his arms around her.
She was a goner the moment he touched her. "Mmm-hmm," she agreed, reaching her hands under his arms and around his middle. She pressed her nose into the crook of his neck and inhaled.
"I'm glad your crazy shifts are finally over. For a week, at least."
"And I get to spend the whole week with you," she breathed.
He chuckled. "Lucky me."
"Lucky us," she corrected, reached up on her tiptoes to kiss him. "You know what we haven't done yet?"
"Mmm, what?" He asked between kisses.
"Said a proper goodbye to the house."
"A very good point. We should do that." He pressed closer to her.
"Living room floor?" She suggested. It made sense that their last time in the house should mirror their first. And all of her friend's were working today, so there was no chance of getting caught.
He kissed her again as his answer. Together they moved towards the living room, not breaking the kiss until they reached the couch. Meredith practically fell onto her back, pulling Derek with her. He pressed one, two, three kisses to her lips before pulling away a few inches and hovering over her, eyes sparkling and a mischievous smile on his lips.
"What?"
His smile grew. "I'm Derek."
She blinked in confusion.
"So you don't forget again," he added.
She giggled. "I still maintain that I didn't forget. I never knew in the first place."
He chuckled.
Hooking her hands behind his neck, she pulled his lips down to hers. "I'm Meredith," she murmured.
"Meredith," he echoed, just as he had done that first morning, as if marvelling at her name.
Despite the sixteen months they had spent together between then and now, she felt her heart flutter just like it had that first time. "Meredith Grey-Shepherd," she added, reminding them both that not everything was the same.
"Meredith Grey-Shepherd," he repeated, eyes still sparkling. "That's a pretty perfect name."
"I like it."
"Me too," he whispered, closing the space between them once more and kissing her breath away.
"This is how we need to christen the new house," Meredith panted.