Song:
Right Where You Left Me (Taylor Swift)
"She's still 23 inside her fantasy. And you're sitting in front of me."
TW: talks of alcoholism & miscarriage
JUNE 1994
12 years had passed since the world crumbled under their feet.
12 years had passed since James Potter gave his life to protect his loved ones, only for Lily Potter to find him in the afterlife nothing but ten minutes later.
12 years had passed since Sirius Black's imprisonment. He was sentenced for life in Azkaban, where no other man had escaped from. He would only see the light of day when he was dead and cold, only remembered as a traitor.
12 years later, Callisto Lupin, née Claire, had cut out the events of the First Wizarding War in little pieces, and she had placed them carefully in boxes. She didn't want to think about ambiguity, about grey areas, or about what could have led Sirius Black to killing his best friends.
One man had single handedly ruined more lives than he should have the power to; even her marriage. The first year had been unbearable. Remus had developed a drinking habit. It was his way of coping, of grieving when everyone around him was in absolute bliss with the end of the war. They were lucky that she knew his behaviour was caused by the alcohol and not because he believed all those things he said to her day after day. It was also lucky that time heals all wounds, or in their case, that time made the pain more bearable.
12 years later, she could safely say they had fixed their lives. Remus was working as DADA Professor in Hogwarts, and even though she didn't see him often, they exchanged letters all the time. She was supplying St. Mango's with potions, and occasionally experimented with new recipes. Their relationship was stronger than ever now, it had matured with time. They were honest with each other, they had grown to know each other inside out. Callisto had only allowed herself to keep three secrets to herself: Brown's death, Lily's second pregnancy, and her own miscarriage a few months after the Potters' death.
Everything had changed, except for the Merlin's Order Award still left next to their sink.
She had a bad feeling as she strutted down the halls of Hogwarts after so many years. She didn't dare to look at the portraits, her eyes glued to the front as she paced to the Hospital Ward. Dumbledore had called her in urgently, and with the previous night's full moon, she was scared out of her mind.
She opened the heavy doors, the voices from inside the room stopping abruptly as everyone turned to look at her.
Before she knew it, her wand was out, pointed at a man she had never thought she would see again.
Sirius Black looked much different to what she remembered. His hair wasn't polished and well groomed, instead resembling a wild mane, his eyes hiding a tornado of emotions behind them as he looked at her with his hands raised in self-defence. He looked like a living corpse, tattered and dirty, but unfortunately, he was alive.
"Callisto, please lower your wand." Professor Dumbledore instructed calmly.
"I don't take orders from you."
"Love, lower the wand." Remus pleaded. She averted her gaze from Sirius momentarily. Remus looked exhausted and his white shirt was covered with blood, bandages peaking through the collar. His arm was tied securely.
She lowered her wand. Remus visibly relaxed.
"I will leave you three alone." Dumbledore settled, exiting the room. Callisto remained glued in front of the door, refusing to walk closer to either of them.
"I know you're confused-"
"That's an understatement."
"Okay, I know you're fucking furious right now." Remus corrected. "But it all makes sense, alright? Sirius wasn't the traitor."
"Impossible."
"It was Peter. Peter betrayed them."
"I said it's impossible. You betrayed them! You killed Peter and all those muggles, Sirius!" She argued, her voice louder. Her wand was raised again, anger burning in her chest. The boxes she had categorised the war in were getting mixed up right in front of her eyes. It felt sacrilegious- it was sacrilegious.
"I would rather die than betray-"
"You should have died!"
"Callisto!" Remus yelled for the first time in what had been years. He hadn't raised his voice at her in years, not even to call her from across the house. Her hand trembled as she lowered her wand, and with it, so fell her defences. Behind those walls she was confused, and she hadn't felt confused in years. She didn't need to feel confused, she had her boxes.
Now, they were about as real as the biggest hoax.
"Listo, please, come closer."
"No."
"I'll explain everything." Remus swore. Callisto shook her head negatively, refusing to look at Sirius. At that time, all she wanted to do was drop on the floor and bawl her eyes out, because she was confused. Remus could be confused, but she couldn't. It wasn't allowed, because if she had been confused back then too, it would have wrecked them.
"Sirius wasn't the secret keeper for James and Lily." Remus softly said, each word carefully crafted. "It was Peter. Peter was the secret keeper, and they didn't tell anyone. He was the spy, Callisto, not Sirius."
"Peter is dead."
"He isn't. He cut off his finger, and killed those muggles to make it seem like Sirius had attacked them. Peter, he-he transformed into his animagus and lived with the Weasleys."
He was explaining everything to her, and yet, in her head everything got more complicated. All she knew, even the most basic information was getting mixed. They were getting out of one box, moving to another without her approval. Soon, there were no boxes at all, just everything free to roam in her head.
Peter was the spy.
Sirius is innocent.
The Potters died because of Peter, not Sirius.
Sirius is innocent!
She hadn't realised that Remus was calling her name, hesitant to approach her as she hyperventilated. Sweat was running cold in her spine and everything was out of place. Her chest hurt, maybe she was dying. Was that supposed to be what death felt? Like a hand pressing down on her chest as if it wanted to crack it in two pieces?
Sirius is innocent!
And then everything went black.
~ ~ ~
"D'ya reckon she's a student?"
"She looks thirty, Ronald! Don't be daft!"
"Maybe she got held back..."
Callisto's eyes fluttered open, being met with the ceiling of the Hospital Wing, and three curious faces looking down at her.
For a moment, she really believed she was dead. Otherwise, why would James Potter be hovering above her, looking at her as if she was an experiment straight from someone's lab.
"She doesn't look so good..."
"Could have fooled me, Ron."
"Shut up, Harry."
Harry.
"What the fuck?" She whispered, attempting to get up. She was stopped by a sharp pain in her arm. The needle dug deeper, Callisto letting out a hiss as it almost snapped in two.
"Professor, the corpse is awake!"
"Be respectful, Ronald!"
"Remus." She murmured when she saw him, her voice hoarse. "Am I dead?"
"No, not really."
"Remus, I see ghosts."
Remus smirked ever so slightly, "No, that's just Harry."
Harry. Merlin, she was going insane...
"Are you feeling okay?"
"Yeah, just fucking lovely." She huffed, refusing to look at the three kids. They could be angels of death, for all she knew, or some kind of manifestation of her nightmares. No, Remus was much better to look at. Probably much safer too.
"Let me introduce you, alright?" Remus softly said, smiling. "Callisto, here are Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley and... Harry Potter."
She dared to look at him. He had the same exact features as James, or at least a younger James to the one she had met, except for his eyes. They were a brilliant emerald colour, shining with the same kindness Lily's eyes held.
"Kids, this is Callisto Lupin."
Ron hummed, "Your sister, Professor?"
"Boy, what?" Callisto blurted out, her features contorting in disgust. "No, Weasley, we're married!"
"Oh."
"It was quite obvious, Ron, really." Hermione pointed out. "Don't be daft, alright?"
"I'm not daft, 'Mione-"
"Professor, you have a wife?" Harry questioned, making Hermione and Callisto exchange a look. Callisto didn't know whether to laugh, because it seemed like Harry shared his father's cluelessness, or to cry, because he looked at her like she was a complete stranger, when she had held him countless times.
"It was in a spur of the moment, but yes."
"Funny."
"Shut up." Remus simply said, the smile not fading. "Do you think you can get up?"
Callisto scoffed and removed the needle from her arm, standing up and dusting her shirt off. She felt drained, but she wasn't about to let Remus know that she'd rather stay in bed and stare at the ceiling than have to deal with the cause of her fainting.
"Kids, you should be heading to your Common Room."
He had phrased it like a suggestion, but it was obvious it was an order.
Ron waved a bit awkwardly. Hermione wished her a good recovery, sending her a toothy smile. Harry seemed a bit confused even after the introductions, but bid her goodbye either way and rushed after his friends, leaving Remus and Callisto alone.
"Where is he?"
"He was supposed to leave hours ago, but things went downhill."
"Is it because I fainted on the floor?"
"Not my brightest pun, I admit." Remus weakly laughed. "I know it isn't what we knew, Listo, but it's the truth. Sirius was innocent, and-and he paid for Peter's betrayal. We all did."
"Are you sure?" She asked, looking up at him. "Because we said the same thing so many years ago, but for Peter, and right now, you're turning it all upside down."
"Harry found our map one day, and he brought it to my office." Remus began, taking hold of her hand. "I saw Peter on the map. Last night, we almost caught him in the Shrieking Shack, but he escaped. Snape got involved, it-it was a mess."
Callisto frowned.
"Yesterday was a full moon."
"I forgot my potion." Remus confessed, rubbing his forehead tiredly. "That's why he got away. It's the second time this fucking happens and it ruined everything yet again."
"Remus, you were upset. It's not your fault-"
"It was, Listo. It was. We can lie to each other all we want, but the facts are that if I had taken my potion, Sirius would be free and Peter would be rotting in Azkaban." Remus exhaled sharply. "It's my fault."
"Moony, don't be stupid."
Callisto didn't know where Sirius had been hiding, but he came out from the office as if he had been personally offended by Remus' words. His bold stance immediately faltered as he saw her observing him shamelessly. Truth was, that if she saw him on the street, she wouldn't believe this was Sirius Black. He looked drained of life, miserable to the point of exhaustion.
"Why don't you two just hug it out, huh?"
"I'm dirty." Sirius replied, pointing at his mid-covered clothes. "And she's a hypochondriac."
And while she wasn't one to initiate hugs, especially with someone that looked like he had been dragged through the mud, she walked up to him with her arms open. 12 years had passed, but hugging him felt exactly like it had back when everything was alright.
Sirius Black hugged like James Potter did, because it was him that had first really shown him how.
"I've missed you, Blondie."
Maybe it was the emotional stress or the simple fact that she had softened with age, but before she knew it, she was sobbing. Callisto felt stupid, because she wasn't the one being chased down for murder, but she held onto Sirius Black as if he was her only lifeline, as she cried. All that because of a simple nickname that she hadn't heard in more than a decade.
He wasn't sobbing, but there were tears in his eyes. She felt better, knowing that she wasn't alone.
"Where will you stay?"
"Very good question." Sirius admitted sheepishly. "I'll let you know when I find out."
"You should stay with us. Remus-"
"And put you in danger? Absolutely not."
"Padfoot, don't insist on this." Remus interjected, walking closer to them. "You're staying with us. Just make everyone else believe you've left the country."
"But-"
"Merlin, man, don't make me call the Dementors!" Callisto exclaimed, annoyance evident in her voice. "We can handle this, alright? Just do what the fuck we tell you to and shut up."
And as Callisto marched straight into Dumbledore's office to settle the housing arrangements, a long string of curse words echoing in the Hospital Wing, everything almost felt back to normal.
~ ~ ~
Remus Lupin and Sirius Black would never really understand what kind of dirt Callisto Claire held when it came to Albus Dumbledore. All they knew was that while the headmaster had been adamant in Sirius leaving the country in the beginning, he had completely changed his mind when he came to see them with Callisto.
Truth was, it was far more beneficial for Dumbledore to make peace with Callisto in the prospect of a second war, than have her displeased.
The school year would officially end in a week, so for that week and that week only, Sirius and Callisto had the apartment to themselves. The first three days, Sirius had been sleeping non-stop. She had told him to sleep in the bedroom, and she had stayed on the couch. The fourth day, they hadn't talked much, still a bit awkward in each other's presence after so long. They didn't know where to pick up from, or how to approach each other.
The fifth day, Sirius had made a joke about how maybe they should drink some wine to loosen up. Callisto's expression had darkened, but she had pulled out the only bottle of firewhiskey that was laying around in the house.
"I don't keep alcohol around the house." She said, pouring him half a glass, while she poured some for herself. Maybe it was because part of him was still thinking like it was 12 years ago, but he didn't connect the dots.
"How come?" He questioned. "You loved collecting bottles."
"Not anymore."
"I'm glad things went well with you and Moony. I mean, he's a teacher now, and you do what you love. You deserve that." Sirius smiled. "Callie, can I ask you something?"
"Shoot."
"What happened after... after I left? Everything went fine with you, right?"
The way she laughed made Sirius' small smile falter.
"I haven't talked about this with anyone." She admitted. "Do you really want to know what happened after that night?"
By the time of their talk, Sirius would feel sick to his stomach.
"Well, you were caught on the 30th, and on the 31st I was in Dumbledore's office, to talk about Harry. As you can see, he's not staying here. I wanted to have Harry stay with me and Remus, but Dumbledore didn't permit it." Callisto explained. "Remus and I weren't his godparents, and the only living, biological family he has is Lily's sister. He has to stay with them during the summer."
"Do they treat him well?"
"Remus said that his friend's family treats him with more respect and love than his actual family does. Sounds familiar?"
Sirius downed his drink, "And after that?"
"Once the first year was over, things got better for us..."
"What do you mean?"
"Remus had known all of you for like what... a decade by 1981?" Callisto questioned, her voice weaker. "He lost all of you in one day. He thought two of you were dead and the only alive one was a killer. It seemed as if everything went wrong all at the same time, because Hope died three months after Halloween, and I guess that it was all too much for him. So, he... he started drinking a lot."
He hadn't given much thought to how Callisto or Remus for that matter had coped with the ending of the war. He had assumed they were fine, seeing as they were both free and did well for themselves. He didn't realise that 12 years had passed, and while day after day and year after year, his life didn't change, theirs had been through hell and back.
"It lasted for about a year, I think. Actually, it lasted more than a year, but after that it slowly got better. He only relapsed again in 1984, and he's been clean ever since. It's been around a decade since then. At some point, I couldn't help but think he'd rather if I was in Azkaban and you were free."
"Come here."
He hated that this was how the ice broke. She didn't seem teary, God knew how much she had cried over those months of her life in the past, but it was obvious that it hurt her to think about this. She rested her head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her. He pushed the glass of firewhiskey away from him.
"Did you break up during that year or not?"
"No, we didn't break up. But..."
"But?"
"I thought about it. Breaking up with him." Callisto admitted. "Thankfully, I didn't."
"Why did you want to break up with him?"
Callisto had never admitted it out loud to anyone. It was something she had dealt with strictly on her own, but she felt like pouring her entire soul out after so long of not talking with him.
"I got pregnant during that time." She confessed. "I didn't tell Remus, because of everything that was going on. I-I miscarried after some time, and he never knew what had happened. I was alone, Sirius. I had nobody to lean on, not even him. Do you know how much I hated you?"
Sirius didn't reply.
"If I had the chance to kill you, I would. I thought you ruined my life. I didn't even stop to think that maybe you were innocent."
"I can understand why." Sirius murmured. "Did you have any complications with the miscarriage?"
"I had to go to the hospital after it happened, but thankfully, no." She said tiredly. "It was on that day that I was going to do it. Break up with Remus, I mean. I came back home, and I was trying to plan it all in my mind, but he was crying when I found him and I couldn't do it. I don't know how, but it felt different that day."
"Do you want to tell him?"
"No, Sirius, that's- that's all in the past now." She laughed weakly. "You're the only person that knows, and it will stay that way. He regrets that time of his life and I don't want to remind him of it."
"And now? Are things between you okay?"
"It took time, but yes." His relief was obvious. "It seems as if things are looking up. I mean, you're here now, with us."
"Hm, can't wait until Moony's back home and you start shagging like rabbits again." Sirius mused, his nose scrunching up in disgust. "I don't know whether to be impressed by your stamina, or be worried."
"You're just jealous Remus is getting more action than you."
"Well, excuse you, but there's not much to shag in Azkaban." Sirius protested, rolling his eyes. "I tried to convince the Dementors, but it's not in their job description."
"You know you're ugly when they'd rather suck your soul than your dick."
Sirius gasped in offence, slapping the back of her head, "Take it back!"
"No, I don't think I will."
"I'll call your husband and say you're harassing me."
"Don't forget to tell him that unless he supports me in this, he'll be crashing with you on the couch when he comes home."
"Huh, finally!"
It had been 12 years, and despite all the abnormality surrounding them, they couldn't have felt more normal.
~ ~ ~
Hello everyone!
We're quite close to the end. There will be 1 to 2 chapters per year. Even though it's Harry's time in Hogwarts, the story won't shift to focus only on him.
Also, I'm sorry if the updates are a bit weird time-wise. I receive my results for uni during the week and I'm quite stressed, so I can't focus much on writing. I hope that it won't affect the updating schedule much, but it's a possibility.
Thank you for reading, voting and commenting!