Song:
Iris (Goo Goo Dolls)
"And I'd give up forever to touch you. 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow."
SEPTEMBER 1980
Remus stood silent by the door, trying to comprehend the image in front of him.
"I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to do that..."
Callisto didn't seem to understand what he was talking about. A cauldron was steaming in the
middle of their kitchen, Callisto stirring it with one hand, while with the other, she kept a three-month old Draco Malfoy close to her shoulder.
"Why?"
"Because you might drop him in the cauldron."
"That's practically impossible, right Draco?" She asked, looking down at the baby drooling on her shoulder. "He said yes."
"He can't speak."
"Well, if he could, he would agree." She pointed out. "Pass me the dragon's blood."
" 'Please' just isn't in your repertoire." He commented, handing her the small vial nonetheless. Callisto didn't say anything back, pouring a few drops into the potion, before she gave it back to Remus.
"Now, Draco," She started. "Some idiots will tell you not to use blood to strengthen your potions. Do you know what we say to that?"
"Ahhh."
"Yes, exactly." She agreed. "We don't listen to them, because they're idiots."
"Are you giving the baby a Potions lessons?" Remus chuckled, sitting down next to her. "Are you giving Harry one as well after that, or is it his day off?"
"No, Harry doesn't really understand what I'm talking about... I think he prefers it when you and Sirius have fake duels in the living room."
"That kid just loves seeing people getting disarmed..."
"Like father, like son." Draco let out a string of incoherent sounds again. "No, Draco, you're nothing like your father. You're a little sunshine."
"He puked on you three hours ago."
"You're a disgusting, little sunshine." She corrected. "Hold him for a bit, okay? I need to go to the bathroom."
"I thought girls didn't use the bathroom." He mused as Callisto placed Draco on his lap, slapping his head slightly before she left the room.
Remus looked down at the baby, blue eyes already peering at him. He narrowed his eyes, the baby still observing him. Before he could react, Draco had raised one arm and tugged at his hair, holding the strands with an iron grip.
"You just fucking hate me, don't you?" He huffed, trying to unclench the baby's fist. "I'll tell Callisto you're evil if you don't let me go."
He just tugged at his hair harder, letting out a laugh that Callisto would swoon over, while he would probably consider it evil.
Both Draco and Harry were frequently dropped over at their house when the parents had to run errands or wanted a few hours of freedom. Callisto had found a way to entertain both of them. Draco would be at his calmest while she explained Potions to him, for some ungodly reason, while Harry preferred to gawk at her Patronus and tug at her hair like there was no tomorrow. Remus knew very well why Callisto would take care of the babies as if they were her sons, but he never pushed the matter. It was a sensitive topic, one that she didn't enjoy discussing.
Draco let go of his hair the moment Callisto entered the room. Remus didn't know if he was doing it on purpose, and he even doubted the possibility of that, but part of him still believed that Draco Malfoy was on a quest to destroy him.
"You look scared." She remarked, leaning against the doorframe. "Are you scared of a baby?"
"No..."
"You should be." She tsked. "I reckon in five months he'll be able to poison you."
"He can barely roll over."
"My aunt showed me how to make potions when I was a baby too, and look where we are now."
"Yes, you now have an Order of Merlin by your sink."
"I'm very successful!" She defended, pointing at him. "Instead of playing smart with me, I think you should just tell me what the hell Moody's letter was about."
His smile immediately fell, the colour draining from his face. He hadn't meant for her to see that letter, in fact, he wished he could keep it a secret forever. He would just go on his mission and return while she was still sleeping, and she wouldn't have even thought about it. If she knew he would be out on a mission, she would worry and she wouldn't rest properly or give her own frail state a second thought. Yes, she might have been out of the hospital, and her medication was perfect for her now, but the same rules applied again.
Don't put strain on your body.
"What letter?"
"The one Moody's owl dropped here this morning. I believe it said 'Lupin, you are needed for a mission this evening. Bring Black with you.'." She recited, her voice deadly calm. There was no mischief, no hint of teasing behind her tone. "Were you planning to tell me, or..."
"I didn't want you to worry."
"And I wouldn't worry at all if I woke up in the middle of the night and discovered you were gone."
Okay, maybe he hadn't really thought it through.
"Next time you try to hide a letter, don't put it under your pillow."
"You're not mad?"
"No, as long as you promise that you're going to stop acting as if I'm about to die the moment something happens." She responded. "Be careful, okay?"
"They send their finest men." Remus teased, relieved that she wasn't actually angry. "Their bravest, actually."
"I can only imagine."
Well, this is a good time to explain why Remus and bravery were an odd pair at that point in time. He was brave, and much more than that, when it came to missions. He had grown to be one of their best, despite not being an auror, and he was often successful in their attacks. In fact, 9/10 of his missions were a complete success, and the one mission they would occasionally fail at was never a 'disaster', for lack of better wording. However, Remus was also the biggest coward in the world, because the ring that was supposed to be around her ring finger by now, was still in his jacket.
Peter had been correct. Why would she ever say yes to him? They were in a relationship, but marriage was too ambitious of a plan after what had happened. The changes in her behaviour were invisible to anyone but him. She never took her medication in front of him, the bottles of her pills and her prescriptions were locked away in her nightstand drawer. She never mentioned how her checkups went, or made any other jokes about her condition like she did from time to time. She didn't trust him with it, the same way she didn't trust him enough to actually sleep with him. They kissed and touched, but she always stopped him before things got too far. When he asked if she was okay, if something had happened, she just said she was tired and went to sleep.
That excuse couldn't fool him. She didn't do it because she didn't trust that he wouldn't leave her alone again. She didn't trust that he wouldn't lock himself in another room, and then completely stomp on every single insecurity she had.
How can you be in a relationship with someone that doesn't trust you? How can you ask someone to marry you, when they never tell you they love you anymore?
So, yes, the ring was deep in his pocket. He didn't even know what he was thinking when he had first gotten it. He was seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses, and she wasn't the one to blame.
He looked up at her. She was holding Draco close to her, the baby bottle tilted slightly as she fed him. Her hair was pinned up, a few strands escaping from her updo and falling right in front of the face. Draco's fingers were playing with it like a dream-catcher as he drank from the bottle. She didn't speak, her blue eyes fixed on the kid in her arms. She had that melancholic expression again, the same one that she got every time Draco or Harry got picked up by their parents. He wished there was something he could say to her. Even better, he wished he could find her a cure no matter what it cost him. It was unfair how she had made him feel more normal than he ever thought he would, but there was nothing he could do to help her.
"Do you want to take a nap before the mission?"
"No, he can sleep in the bedroom." She nodded and stood up, going inside the bedroom. Draco was in that sweet age when babies slept like clockwork. She would be back in about fifteen minutes, after reinforcing the protective charms around the bedroom.
There was so much he wanted to tell her, and yet he didn't know how.
"What are you thinking about?"
Her voice snapped her out of his daze. She sat next to him, resting her head on his lap. His fingers immediately reached to undo her ponytail, and he pulled the hair tie over his wrist.
"You."
"I'm flattered." She smiled. "But, you'll have to be more specific."
"You're just a great godmother... that's all."
Her eyes immediately lit up in excitement, "You think so?"
He nodded, "Draco is very lucky to have you. So is Harry, even though you're technically not his godmother."
"I'm trying to condition him into loving me."
He burst out in laughter, resting his head back on the couch. He could already sense the look of confusion on her face even if he hadn't seen it yet.
"What?"
"Condition him into loving you? He's not Pavlov's dog, Listo."
"I know, but what if he doesn't like me when he grows up. I need to give it a gentle push."
"How could anyone not like you?"
"You'd be surprised."
"I mean it." He stated. "Loving you is the most natural thing in the world."
"You talk pretty."
"Because it's the truth." He insisted. "I can't imagine a version of myself where I don't love you. It just doesn't exist."
He wished he could see into her mind. He wished he could decode the expression on her face. The closest interpretation he could get to, was that she was doubting him. So, he leaned down and kissed her softly, pulling away slightly. Just when he thought she wouldn't kiss back, she placed a hand on his neck, pulling him closer to her.
He kissed her slowly and deeply, not wanting to rush into anything. They had all the time in the world and right now, he wanted to spend as much as he could on the couch with her, just like that. He wanted her close to him, he wanted to be surrounded by her and only her. Once upon a time, he had believed that love was the peak of the mountain. There were no emotions above that, nothing he could consider stronger. He thought that after that, everything dulled into a comfortable, familiar state. The excitement got lost, but at least it was safe.
Well, he was wrong. He didn't have a name for it, but he felt it. It was real, and it was beautiful and it made him want to worship nothing other than her. His Callisto. The woman that held every piece of his soul, every thought in his head.
"What have you done to me, Listo?" He murmured, gently pulling away. He didn't let go of her, one hand still resting on her neck, while the other cupped her face. "How is it that you've completely ruined me?"
"I know the feeling."
"I don't want you to stop doing it..." He confessed, his lips ghosting over hers. "It's a privilege to be ruined by you."
"Remus..." She breathed out, losing the train of her thought as he kissed her again. His fingers trailed over to the hem of her shirt, resting on her waist. Her skin felt hot and smooth under his fingertips, her perfume clouding his senses as he peppered kisses on her neck and collarbones.
She tugged at his own shirt, helping him remove it. The garment got discarded on the floor as she traced the largest scars on his torso with her lips. They were the ones he disliked the most, and yet, he couldn't find it in himself to hate them at that moment.
Her own shirt was discarded soon, her breathing getting heavier as he kissed down her chest and stomach, stopping right above her sweatpants. That was when she stopped him, her hand gently pushing him away.
Immediately, he let go of her hips, "Are you okay?"
"We're on the couch."
He averted his gaze away from her, the accusatory look in her eyes telling him everything he needed to know.
"You left me on the couch."
"I know..."
"You fucked me on the couch, and then you just left me and locked me out of our room." She continued. "And I want to trust you, but every time I can't stop thinking that you might throw me away again."
"It was the worst mistake of my life."
"You had promised-"
"I know." He interjected. "I regret what I did every single day."
She didn't reply.
"I don't want to break my promises to you again."He kissed her shoulder, holding her closer to him. "I swear to you, my love, I will make this right."
"If I trust you right now, will you stay with me?"
"I will." He swore, cupping her face softly. "I'm not leaving you again."
She hesitated for a moment, but finally nodded, kissing him like she used to before that fateful night. He kissed her back with the same fervency, laying her back on the couch as he got on top of her, looking down at her adoringly. A smile tugged his lips when he felt her pulling him impossibly closer to her, her fingers threading in his hair.
"Tell me what you want, darling."
"I want you, Remus... all of you."
~ ~ ~
Remus didn't expect to be awoken by a brief slap to the face, Sirius' grinning face hovering above him.
"We have a mission, but it seems like you've gotten your missionaries done for the day."
"That's a horrible joke." Remus murmured, shifting in his position slightly. Callisto's head was on top of his chest, her hand extended, grasping the baby monitor. He glanced at his watch, surprised to see that only 40 minutes had passed since they fell asleep.
"Are you people naked under there?" Sirius asked, inspecting the clothes on the floor. Callisto's shirt was on the floor, while his own shirt was messily thrown on the coffee table.
"Maybe."
"That's exciting."
"Fuck off." Remus laughed, reaching for his shirt. Sirius let out a loud laugh as he put it on, Callisto stirring in her sleep at the sound.
"Did you get mauled by a cat, Moony?"
"Shup up, Pads."
"Well, I'm glad you're having fun." Sirius teased. "But, it's time to overthrow the evil government, so if you could please hurry up."
"Listo." Remus murmured, shaking her slightly. "Wake up."
"Did Draco wake up?" Her voice got muffled by the pillow he had laid her on, and she let out a yawn as she looked around. Her eyes rested on Sirius and she didn't say anything for a moment, before she turned to Remus.
"Did you just wake me up for Sirius?"
"We have to leave, lady!" Sirius exclaimed. "Prongs is waiting downstairs."
"I thought he was out of missions because of Harry."
"You think they can function separately?" Remus questioned, ducking just in time as Sirius swung Callisto's shirt his way.
"Stop throwing my shirt around."
"Yes, I forgot that only he is allowed to do that." Sirius teased, plopping down on the couch. "Thank Merlin I didn't pass by earlier. My poor eyes wouldn't have handled that."
"I'll let you know that we're both quite fine." Callisto argued, winking cheekily at Remus. "Especially him."
"Oh, I know."
"Weren't you in a hurry?" Remus asked, his cheeks tinged red from embarrassment. "And as flattering as this conversation is, we have a mission to get to."
"Right..." Sirius sighed, standing up. "I guess I'll wait for you outside while you kiss your wife goodbye."
"I'm not his wife!"
"Sorry, I'll wait outside while you kiss your girlfriend, soon to be fiancée hopefully, goodbye." Sirius corrected. "That's a mouthful."
He closed the door behind him with a smirk, leaving the couple alone.
"I'll wait here, okay?"
"Go sleep, love." Remus murmured, kissing her forehead. "I'll be back soon."
"Come back to me, okay?" She insisted, her fingers tugging at his shirt as she held him closer to her. "Don't play hero."
"I'll do my best."
"That's not good enough. Promise me you won't do anything stupid, and that you'll come back to me."
"I promise." He swore, kissing her one last time. "I'll be back as soon as I can."
She nodded, unable to tear her eyes away from the direction he had left in.
He had promised he would be back.
~ ~ ~
In his defence, Remus Lupin kept half his promise. He did return back to their apartment, and he was unharmed for the most part, only that Sirius or James wasn't his only companion. The three men stumbled inside the house, Remus' bloodied hand reaching for the light.
"On the couch." He murmured, trying to calm himself down. At least they were safe now. At least everything had gone according to plan.
Well, almost everything.
"Callisto!" Sirius shouted. "We brought you a gift!"
Remus regretted it already.
Callisto soon appeared, her wand in hand. Normally, there was a protocol they had to follow, but at the sight of the man on the couch, it was all forgotten.
"Guess who's back, Princess!"
Tobias Nott sent her a lopsided grin, clutching his stomach with his hand. He was covered in blood, his clothes drenched in it while some splatters had fallen on his face, his hair sticking to his forehead.
"We picked him from the street." Sirius humoured. Callisto kept staring ahead of her, turning to Remus with a confused expression on her face. She was hallucinating, there was no other explanation. She needed to book an appointment with the healer at St. Mungo's immediately.
"A little help, please."
"Right." She murmured, mechanically moving to the kitchen. She wasn't registering her movements as she grabbed the first aid kit and a bottle of wine from the fridge, heading back to the living room. She had hoped that the hallucination would be over by now, but surely enough, Tobias Nott was bleeding out on her couch.
"A wall fell on him." Sirius explained, as Callisto tore the bottom of his shirt. The wound was gruesome, but it wasn't caused by magic. It would be quite easy to heal, or at least so she hoped. "We were leaving and... well, a creaking gate hangs longest. Moony saw him and turns out he's a fugitive, so here we are now."
"Lupin, my hero."
"I'm just as surprised." Remus dryly said, rolling his eyes. His frown immediately fell as Callisto smiled at him appreciatively. She was the only reason he hadn't left him behind, buried under the debris, and right now, he was glad he had helped just because she was smiling at him that way.
"Are you two injured?"
"Just some scratches, nothing major."
"Oi, Claire," Tobias whispered, a smirk on his lips. "Do you get deja vu?"
A few months ago, she was the bloodied up one, lying on his bed while he healed her. It was funny how the tables had turned, and now he was the one on the verge of unconsciousness.
"Did the bricks hit your head?"
"No, thankfully."
"Thankfully." She repeated mockingly, cleaning the blood carefully from his wound. She opened the first aid kit, looking through the different potions. Most people had a simple healing solution inside, with a Pepper-up Potion if the person was really meticulous, but her first aid kit could rival St. Mungo's potions' closet. She would have nightmares at night about Remus returning home bloodied up, only to find that all her potions were gone and she was left with nothing as he slowly died. So, she always made sure she would have everything she could possibly need.
"This will sting." She didn't wait for his response, pouring the solution on his stomach. He drew in a sharp breath at that, not a word being uttered as she stitched the wound close and poured a thicker potion on top of the gash.
"So, I'm doing a survey-" His words were interrupted by a wince of pain as the potion got absorbed in his skin. "-And I was wondering what you think about the name 'Theodore'."
"You're joking." Remus deadpanned.
"No, I'm dead serious." He let out a laugh, turning to look at Sirius. "My sincerest condolences for the name, mate."
"Tobias."
"Sorry, Cal-bear." He hummed, putting on an innocent facade. "So, do you three like the name?"
"It's alright." Sirius shrugged. "Depends on whether the person suits it."
"It's a bit hard to say right now." He commented, turning to Remus. "What about you, Remu?"
"My name is Remus."
"Yes, Remu." He nodded. "Do you like the name?"
"No, I think it's the ugliest fucking name."
"Well, that's unfortunate." He snorted, poking the top of Callisto's head with his wand. "You?"
"I love it, actually." She admitted, shoving a blood-replenishing potion in his face. He quickly downed it, his face scrunching up in disgust. "Theo for short is nice as well. Why are you asking? Did you get a dog?"
He snickered weakly, "It's a bit of a funny story, really. I didn't get a dog, no."
"A cat? You got a cat and named it 'Theodore'?"
"No, I got a kid and named him Theodore!"
Callisto's expression changed a thousand times over the span of five seconds, her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. She just stared at the man, unable to construct a full, cohesive sentence, until he dug his hand in his pocket and pulled out his wallet. Inside, there was the picture of a baby boy with sparkling blue eyes and an awestruck expression.
"He looks just like me, thank Merlin." He grinned widely. "Little Theodore Nott. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"
"You have a son."
"Yes, he's like what... a month's old now?"
"You've had a son for a month now, and you never told me?" Callisto exclaimed, turning to look at Remus. "Hold me back or I am about to make a kid fatherless!"
Tobias raised his hands defensively, "I forgot."
"You saw me two weeks ago!" She argued. "You told me what you ate for breakfast and you forgot to tell me that you have a whole ass child!"
"I thought Cissa would tell you."
"I will kill you!" She threatened, standing up. "I will murder you! I will obliterate you! I will-I will strangle you!"
"I'm sorry," Sirius interjected. "You procreated?"
"Yeah, why are you saying it like that?" He murmured, his smile falling. "And I'll let you know, that not only did I procreate, I also have the coolest child ever."
Callisto let out an angry laugh at that, banging her head once against Remus' chest, "I'm going to Azkaban."
"Murder is not the solution."
"But, Remus-"
"I didn't drag him from the debris just to have you kill him here, okay?" Remus sternly said, holding her shoulders. "Your friend's a douchebag, deal with it."
Callisto took in a deep breath and nodded, putting on a smile before she turned to Tobias.
"You have five minutes to explain, or I will steal your child."
"Okay, so, remember Sappho Winters?"
"No."
"Well, neither did I." He responded. "But, check this out... I was alone, okay? And I thought 'I really want to go for a beer', but I'm a fugitive, so I couldn't go anywhere nice. Anyway, as I was driving, I passed by this place, and I thought to myself 'let's give this place a try.". So, I stopped and got inside the shop, and I saw this lady sitting at one of the tables alone. Naturally, I didn't care-"
"Your time is running out."
"I didn't care, because it was a muggle place. Anyway, I was just ordering, and I noticed her arms. Turns out we have the same tattoo artist. So, I went up to her, and we started talking. She was in school with us, and she's a year older than you. Now, I know what you're thinking, 'But Tobias, you hate talking with people!', and you would be right. But, she was hot, and she was tolerable, so I brought her back to my place, and the rest is biological details I will share with Claire later."
"So, it was a one night stand."
"Yes, you could say that." He agreed. " I don't think I will be having any more children with her."
"Remus, I think I'm having a fever dream."
"If it's a fever dream, we're both in it."
"Make it all of us." Sirius murmured, trying to process the information. "Same tattoo artist?"
He raised his sleeve, pointing at the Dark Mark adorning his forearm. Thinking back to when she had seen Regulus' mark, Tobias' seemed better healed. Then again, Tobias had always been better at healing practices than Regulus.
"It's this bad boy." He joked. "Wouldn't recommend it."
"Well, are you with her right now?"
"No." He scoffed. "What ruined it for me was that after we had sex, she started talking to me about the Dark Lord. It's a very unnerving thought when your balls are out and about."
Remus understood at that moment why Callisto had brought the wine with her. He opened the bottle and took a swig, passing it to Callisto.
"No bigotry allowed in bed."
Sirius blinked in confusion, "You're a Death Eater."
"I still have the right to not have my boss mentioned while I'm having sex."
"No, I get it." Callisto hummed, nodding. "If Remus started talking about Dumbledore to me while we're fucking, I would be bummed out too."
"Okay, but objectively, who would you rather hear about?"
"I'd put ear plugs on." Callisto decided. "But for the sake of the question, probably You-Know-Who. I'd probably spontaneously combust if I had to face Dumbledore after that."
"Thought so." He nodded. "So, yes, I'm a father now."
"Bring him over to Narcissa's next time." Callisto ordered, placing the healing potions back in the first-aid kit. "Draco was here up until a few hours ago."
"That kid hates me."
"Well, that's something we both agree on." Remus murmured under his breath.
"You can have a shower in two days from now, because of the stitches. I'll prepare you the spare room for tonight, Sirius, you get the couch and Remus, you know where you go."
"In the bathtub?"
"You reek, so maybe it's a good idea."
Soon enough, silence had fallen in the apartment. Tobias was fast asleep, the adrenaline leaving him knocked out in the bed when he realised he was finally safe. Sirius had chatted with them for a bit in the kitchen, before he fell asleep on the table, leaving Callisto and Remus to transfer him to the couch. Callisto was now under the covers, wearing only Remus' shirt and a pair of his boxers as he showered.
He pretended not to notice her gaze as he came back in the room with only his pyjama pants on, and got under the covers with her.
"Thank you." She murmured, kissing his cheek. "I know you don't like him, but he doesn't enjoy what he does. He was forced into it. And, I know that technically he's the enemy, but-but he's not the problem."
"I know, Listo." He reassured her, playing with her hair as she rested her head on his chest. "The reason I dislike him isn't because of the mark on his arm."
"He never truly liked me, the same way I never truly liked him." Callisto whispered, looking up at him. "There was only you; even then. Nobody compares to you, not for me. I've told you before, Remus, you're a masterpiece."
He couldn't help the smile that tugged up his lips. It was comforting to know that there was nobody else for her, the same way that only she existed for him. He took pride in it; the fact that she was his and nobody else's.
"I love you, okay?" She murmured, kissing him softly. "Never forget that."
~ ~ ~
Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay in uploading, but I was abroad checking the uni I'll go to. To reimburse you, this is an extra long chapter.
I love this chapter ngl. It's a very specific kind of chaotic, but also sweet and soft.
So, there's Theo nott, cause he had to make an appearance at some point. Tobias has become one-off my faves and I didn't quite expect that tbh.
Also, also...
Important notice! I have another Remus Lupin fanfic in the works. It is not uploaded yet, cause I want to finish this story (we don't have much left my friends) before uploading the first chapters on the new fic. I hope you'll be interested in the new new one, it's very special I think.
Kisses!