Six Years Later
She was nervous on her graduation day. She could not deny it. But she knew where she was supposed to go. It hadn't been a piece of cake. After getting her degree, Nathalie joined the Cadet Corps with Hange and Moblit. And now here she was, only a year of being in the Survey Corps, and already having survived three Expeditions, and already being considered a veteran. Only twenty-four years old and still a veteran. Whoah. She could see why.
She had watched so many people die. Three Expeditions and she knew she was never going to be the same. It was night now. Usually at this hour she would be studying something – some clever theory about titan biology, or working on some experiment with Hange and Moblit. But, no, she was in the training grounds. She preferred training and pushing her limits at the nights where nobody was watching.
Or so she thought.
Nathalie was a member of Section Commander Erwin's Squad. That one squad whose members were never dying. She was in it with Hange, Moblit, Miche, Nanaba and Gelgar. But it wasn't just talent and hard work that kept them alive. It was Erwin's leadership. Erwin had jumped too many times to their rescue. And Nathalie wasn't about to wind up in titan vomit. She had things to do. She had a life to live.
So, she trained. Mostly alone in the nights, and in the mornings, she'd work on her research with Hange and Moblit. And here she was now, punching that poor punching bag, and bruising her hands her fingers, her legs with every single hit. She didn't know whether she was doing this to work out, or kick out some of her frustration. She wasn't quite sure why she was frustrated about. She just knew she was. And she kept kicking and punching. She had learned how to fight in a skirt quite well. She couldn't be wasting her time changing clothes all the time.
Erwin was returning from the kitchen. It wasn't long ago when she showed up in his office with a tray of food. Erwin had made it a habit to not show up at the Mess Hall for dinner. He was too absorbed in his plans, his strategies, his paperwork, but she wasn't about to let him starve to death. So, in turn, Nathalie had made it a habit of showing up in his office every night, with a tray of food that she had reserved for him. Sometimes, he just found himself not showing up for dinner just so that she could come a few minutes later and visit him in his office.
And here she was now, training hard. Sweat ran down her temples as she beat the shit out of that kicking bag using all the moves that he himself had shown her. She was in a brown skirt, and a light blue, buttoned up shirt. Two of her buttons, loose, exposing some of her white skin beneath. Her shirt clung on her body from all that working out, and her hair were brown and messy. Her glasses rested on the floor. She was beautiful. He could tell she hadn't even noticed him being there. It wasn't the first time he was seeing her like this in the nights. Most times he'd just let her in her peace. But maybe this time, he should make his presence known.
Nathalie took a small break. She panted hard and leaned down, pressing her hands on her slightly bent knees as she caught her breath. She had worked herself off. He could say that much. She always did. Always tried to do everything perfect. Always trying to succeed. It was no coincidence for her to be in his squad – the best squad of the Scout Regiment. The squad with the soldiers that survived every Expedition so far.
"Water?" Erwin offered and she let out a yelp and jumped in her position.
She groaned in frustration. "How long have you been standing there?!" She exclaimed irritably as she stood straight, and her hands fisted on her sides. For all she knew, he could have caught her every night whilst she trained, and he was just staring without saying anything. Creep.
He chuckled. He knew she hated audiences, but he thought that after all those years of being together, she would've grown used to his presence by now. Though he shouldn't be surprised. He knew she was trying her best. He knew she was a perfectionist just like himself.
"C'mon, let's get you some water," Erwin ignored her question as he turned around and started walking back towards the kitchen of the Survey Corps HQ.
Nathalie threw her head back and groaned. "Don't change the subject, Mister!" She cried out from behind but still obediently followed him to the kitchen, like a puppy, following its owner. It had always been like this. Nathalie always followed him, and he could hardly ever tell why. Because of their friendship? It was precious. All those years of being friends, ever since they were kids.
Erwin knew he should have talked her out of it rather than talk her into it. Joining the Survey Corps – the Regiment with the highest death toll. But she had proven herself a valuable soldier the past year. She had proven herself skilful and smart, and disciplined, and brilliant. A valuable soldier indeed. Keith had yet to establish the Researching Division of the Survey Corps, and Erwin couldn't wait to get the reins of the Regiment and finally establish that and put her into it as a scientist. He knew she wanted to work on her science and joining the Survey Corps -because of him- had taken that chance away from her.
No, he was going to give her back that chance. Her and Hange and Moblit could be the heads of Research. They had studied Titan Biology after all. They were useful. It was time he put their minds to use.
Nathalie huffed, realising she wasn't going to be getting an answer to her question, but she still followed him to the kitchen and watched him as he grabbed a glass from the shelves and filled it with water for her. She chuckled and let the previous incident slide. He still took good care of her in scarce times like this.
"Thanks," She gave him a smile and chugged down the glass as if she hadn't drunk any water in days.
"You bring me food every day, giving you some water is the least I can do," Erwin reminded her as the two settled down on the wooden kitchen table where the staff used to prepare the meals on. It was dark and quiet. There was one torch bringing a small, dim light in the room.
A large blush spread across her cheeks and tried hiding it behind her glass as she brought it up her lips and drew another large sip. She noticed he was staring at her with his bright blue eyes and she tried her best to avoid his gaze and look elsewhere, and ignore the fact that he was staring and why he was staring, the creep. She tried to think of coming up with a subject to talk about, but she realised she couldn't come up with anything. She was never one to start a conversation, and the only reason she was hanging out with Hange and Moblit was because those two were as much of weirdoes as she was.
"You don't have to work yourself out so much," Erwin finally said and she finally pulled the glass off her lips that she had been absentmindedly keeping there. "I know you're trying to please me but-"
"What?! No! I- I- I just don't wanna die out there, that's all!" Now her cheeks were a bright cherry red, that not even the darkness could hide. Was she that easy to read?
"Why did you join the Survey Corps?" Erwin asked her and she began stuttering again because that was admittedly a question that she didn't know how to answer.
"B- B- Because I... I..."
"Yes...?"
"Because I wanna see a titan up close and study it, of course! I studied the damn thing. I can't wait to experiment on one!"
"And?" Erwin arched an eyebrow.
"A- And...???"
"You could have done that in the Researching Department of the University. They offered you a position after all, didn't they?" Erwin stated as a matter-of-factly.
She couldn't understand why he was making this conversation. Making her feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. Him – the man she'd do anything for. She frowned and picked her glass back up for another sip of water, trying to cover her annoyance, but she realised there was no water left into it. She should just focus on screaming at him after all.
"Why did you really join the Scouts, Nathalie? Why?" Erwin asked again and she froze for a second but only when she pulled her eyes away from his did she finally sigh and part her lips to answer.
"Because... you asked me to," She bit her lip harsh enough to hurt, trying to distract herself from the fact that uncomfortable silence fell between them as Erwin stared wide-eyed at her.
It was an answer that he had predicted, but he needed to hear it coming from her for him to actually believe it. She had done it for him. It wasn't for humanity; it barely was for research. It was because he had asked it of her. He had asked her to die and she said yes, let's do it. And why? Why would she do that? Did she love him that much? Could friendly – or even fraternal love be so powerful? Or was it something else? Another kind of love. A feeling he never thought she'd ever have for him. And the way she blushed, and shrank in her chair, and avoided his gaze. It was all the affirmation he needed.
A woman willing to die for him. What more could he ask for?
Erwin's arms slipped around her waist, and before she knew it, she was sitting on his lap. He lifted her up so easily, so effortlessly like he always did. She was small. Only 1,60m/5'3 and 46kgs/101lbs (& 24 years old). And he was huge comparing to her frail, short, skinny body. No wonder he could always lift her so easily (Author's Note: Erwin is 1,88m/6'2 and 92kgs/203lbs & 29 years old).
"H- Hey! What are you-"
"Thank you," Erwin cut her and her eyes widened. She found it hard to understand what he was thanking her for. Her legs hung from one side whilst he supported her waist with one hand, and kept her pressed against him with the other.
"W- What for-?"
"For declining that offer you had in the University, and choosing to follow me instead," Erwin leaned closer.
His forehead pressed down against her own and she could have sworn, she was the colour of a tomato. She wanted to leave right now and bang her head against some wall. She could handle anything but not embarrassment. But there was nowhere she could go. She was sitting on his lap, and he had put her there, and she felt numb and paralysed. She didn't want to go anywhere. He cupped her cheek and made things so much worse at how fondly he stared down at her. His eyes met her own full of adoration. His little Nathalie loved him. She always did, so it seemed. He couldn't believe it had taken him that long to realise that. It was always too easy for him to read people and what they were thinking.
He could kiss her right now. She was so small and innocent. He didn't want to scare her. He trapped her chin gently between his fingers and guided her close enough to press a kiss against her forehead. She couldn't believe how fast her heart was thrumming against her chest. But she still closed her eyes and tried her best to enjoy the small touch. His warm lips against her skin.
No. This was so wrong. So, so, so, so, SO WRONG! Her eyes widened and she immediately escaped his hold. She stood back on her feet as fast as she possibly could and snapped out of the haze of the moment. She wanted to stay there longer. His arms were big and strong, and huge around her. But she couldn't prolong this. She couldn't make her feelings too apparent to him. Erwin was a Section Commander and she was soon to become a Squad Leader. They had to focus. They couldn't afford to grow attached. They both worked into a Regiment where they could die any moment.
"R- Right! We should go to sleep! T- Though, I know you won't, but I- I'm thinking I will tonight," Nathalie turned around and started walking out of the room.
Erwin parted his lips to say something. To apologise, and maybe he was wrong about her feelings for him. Maybe he was being delusional. He knew how easy it was for someone to believe what they wanted to believe. Maybe he was the only one growing feelings in here. But she spoke again before closing the door behind her.
"Goodnight, Commander!"
༻◊۞◊༺
What the hell was that?!
Nathalie banged her door shut, finally in her quarters alone, and finally able to act real. She cringed and felt the sudden urge to bang her head against some wall. Nathalie crashed down on her bed. She was planning to have a shower, but maybe a little later, and all she could think about was Erwin. Erwin, Erwin, Erwin, Erwin... She was growing obsessed, she couldn't deny it. She shut her eyes and grabbed her pillow, stuffing her face and screaming into it.
Maybe that was exactly why she was frustrated and was hitting on that poor punching bag with such aggressiveness. She had joined the Survey Corps for Erwin. Sure, she had done it because she wanted to capture a living titan and experiment on it. Sure, she had done it because Hange and Moblit were going to be there too – her two, and only friends that she had in this life. Sure, she had done it because it was more fun than teaching Titan Biology to a bunch of idiots in the University. But she could have had an easier life. Without Expeditions. Without the fear of getting eaten every time she stepped out of the walls. Without the three extra years of Military training, and without all those nights that she spent pushing herself to her limits and punching the walls, the punching bags, the ODM Gear that she used to kill dummy titans over and over.
Her life would have been so much easier, but no, she just had to join the Survey Corps. She just had to, and even though she had so many reasons as to why she had actually done that, she knew well what the real reason was. It was Erwin. His bright blue eyes that stared down at her in adoration. His lips that met her forehead in a gentle, warm kiss. How would it feel if he continued kissing her?
How would his lips feel on her cheeks, her chin, her nose, her lips? Her neck, her chest. Nathalie threw the pillow away and she groaned. She rubbed her forehead and mentally scolded herself. This wasn't the time for this. She tried snapping her eyes open, but more images came to her. Imaginations. This wasn't going to be the first time she'd fantasize about Erwin. He was her childhood crush, no matter how hard she had tried to make sure he never figured it out.
She felt like a fifteen-year-old all over again. She hadn't been touched by a man before. It had always been herself. She never really cared to find someone. Part of her felt like Erwin didn't want her to. What's with you doing everything that Erwin wants? She felt like scolding herself but all she could do was pretend his hands were on her hips. His lips on her own, swallowing down her sounds whilst he took her. His body between her legs, his cock inside her, stretching her to his liking. His fingers digging in her hips as he drove himself into her.
Nathalie let out a soft moan. Her hand, traveling beneath the excessive fabric of her skirt and finding her panties and gently pushing them aside. She was already wet. What would he say if he saw her like this? Spread out and wet for him. She pushed two fingers shallowly into her, gathering her wetness and bringing it up, coating her clit into it. Her hips twitched, almost rubbing herself on her hand, and imagining it was his own. She bit her lip, and imagined it was him biting her, kissing her, filling her skin with marks and purple bruises, and she wouldn't give a single damn if anybody ever saw them. They'd know she was his and that was all that mattered to her.
"Mine," She wanted him to whisper to her with his husk, gruff voice, his breath on her ear. She shivered just on the thought of it. She was so wet. She was undoubtedly making a mess. This wasn't going to be the first time she'd make a mess thinking about him whilst touching herself.
She buried her two fingers back into her, massaging her spongy walls. Wet sounds filled the room, and she could barely imagine how louder the sound would be if he was buried into her, taking away her innocence that she had undeniably preserved just for him. Even though, she barely knew whether her fantasies were ever going to come true.
No man would want to touch her small, little, skinny body that lacked all the right curves. With those nerdy glasses that she wore, and a reputation that had already gone out – second craziest scientist to join the Survey Corps. It wasn't her fault she was laughing when Hange once set the dorm on fire. Hange's laughter was infectious. It was another experiment that had gone off. The two of them were on stable duty for three months straight after that.
But yes, no one would ever want to be intimate with her. Especially Erwin, a handsome Section Commander of the Survey Corps that undoubtedly had many women chasing after him. She was hopeless at this point. But she didn't care. She could please herself just fine with her fingers. Her back arched when she rubbed her fingers against her sensitive clit. She was going to cum just from that. What if he bent her over his desk and had his way with her right there? What if he was on top of her right now, fucking her relentlessly till she was begging him to give her a break? She wanted him to fuck her till she passed out. Till she could no longer move.
She gasped. One last stroke was all it took to bring her to sweet release. She dragged it out all she could before she collapsed back down on her bed and tried to alleviate her breathing. Dammit. She didn't know whether she should start shaming herself or go for another one.
Nathalie laughed. She laughed because she was being absurd. She should get her shit together and go get that shower and go to sleep. She had lots of rookies to train tomorrow.
༻◊۞◊༺
Erwin loosened a few buttons of his white shirt. He let out a sigh. His lamp was going out soon. He just had to refill the oil and keep on working. There was darkness in most of his office. There was silence in the entire HQ. Everybody on their right mind were sleeping. Except him. He looked over the clock that hung by his wall. It was 3am. It wasn't going to be the first night he would be spending passed on by his desk.
He was coming up with a plan. Lovof -a noble- was trying to withdraw the papers for the Survey Corps' sponsorship. It was an amount of money that the Survey Corps desperately needed. Erwin would be damned if he let that happen. So he had to stay up tonight, and finish his plan. He wasn't going to tell his Commander. No. His Commander shouldn't stick his nose in this. Erwin knew exactly what to do and how. Somebody would call him a master of manipulation. Maybe he was. Erwin slightly smirked and he sank in his chair, setting another button of his shirt loose and throwing his head back.
He was exhausted. He shut his tired eyes and took a small moment to slightly rest. The sleeves of his white shirt were rolled up his elbows. His hair, dishevelled and messy. Blonde locks fell on his forehead and he sighed. He couldn't tell why or how, but his mind drifted off back to her. Nathalie. How hopelessly she had blushed when he asked her to tell him why. Why would she join the Scouts? She had a degree. She could easily get a job, a better paid one, and live a life away from danger. But she was right here, training herself to death because of how much she loved him.
He was sure of it now. There was no other explanation. No one is asked to go die and just does it unless the one asking is important to them. And he was important to her. He had always been, and somehow, he had always known. And maybe – just maybe, in another, not so busy life of his, she was important to him too. No. She was important to him anyway. He wanted to kiss her today. He wanted her body on his lips. He wanted her lips on his own. Her tongue in his mouth. Erwin groaned.
There was no time for this, but his pants were already growing tighter and tighter around his growing erection. What if she was right here, right now, kneeling before him. Her mouth on his cock. His tip, choking her throat.
"Shit,"
Erwin undid his belt and pushed down the zip. His hand reached beneath all layers of clothing as he grasped himself and pulled out his hard cock. There was already precum leaking from the tip. Just the thought of kissing her had resulted to something so scandalous as this. And then he thought about fucking her mouth to the pace that he had set with his hand. Fucking her throat rough till she was squealing and her powerless little hands were trying to push him away. And then he was going to pull out of her, and bent her over his desk, and bury himself in her small, little weeping hole. She was going to be so tight around him. So tight and she was going to be screaming whilst he fucked her. He could barely imagine how sweet her sounds would be.
He could lift her up in his arms and drive himself into her, again and again, letting her cum all over his cock as many times as he could. He could imagine her small, skinny body, shaking beneath his grasp. The sound of skin slapping against skin. Her moans muffled in his mouth as he forced his tongue down her throat. As he fucked her deep, his cock hitting places she never thought possible. Erwin stroked himself to the pace he had set on her poor body in his imagination.
It wasn't the first time he was fantasizing about her body against his own. His sweet, little Nathalie. So innocent, she had been with no one. He knew it. He knew everything about her. He would have known if anybody tried to touch her and use her. No. He'd never let that happen. Nathalie was his. She was all his and he was going to keep it that way. She'll come around. He told himself. He knew she was denying her feelings for him. She was a brilliant scientist. Love and commitment were the last things on her mind.
But he wanted her committed to him. He wanted her to be his, utterly and completely. His to use to please or please himself. She would clutch on him so tight as he'd drive himself into her. As he'd fuck her till the only name she knew was his. He couldn't imagine how her sounds would be if he kissed and suckled and nibbled on her neck and laid down his marks on her white flesh. She was a white canvas that he wanted to paint all over with marks of teeth and crescent moons of his nails.
Erwin came. He came with a grunt and her name on his lips but barely coming out as a whisper. Thick, hot ropes of cum landed on his pants and made a mess, but he didn't care. He imagined her licking it away for him.
Even though he knew, this was all a fantasy, and she never would.