For once in your life, you feel good about yourself. For once in your life, you feel as if you can actually conquer the entire world if you wanted to. Because looking down at your old friend, who hurt you in a way even Dream wouldn't dare, needing help and choosing to crawl back to you, feels so refreshing. He's out of breath, out of energy, and covered with blood, which doesn't even belong to himself. There is mud on his clothing as well and the hair on his head is messy, even if you, after having seen the recording of him, already know it's nothing but a disguise.
You never thought that you'd see him again. Not after the number of calls he ignored, or the many messages he read. You were convinced he hated you. But here he is, probably running away from the cops who earlier passed your house.
And he's asking for your help.
But are you going to give it to him?
"I need your help, Y/N. Please, let me inside." You just stare back at him. But after a bit of that, you take a step back, causing Technoblade to have the impression that you are indeed going to let him inside. Instead, you just throw the door in his face. You prepare yourself to go upstairs and just sleep through this night, but the aggressive knocking and begging on the other side of the door stop you. "Please, you can't do this to me! Don't you know what happens when they find me? They're going to put me in a cell, or worse, a limbo! You can't do this to me, we were friends, weren't we?!" You're furious. And not just a little either. But if he's going to continuously bang your door, then he might as well break in later, since he seems to have no problem whatsoever with committing crimes. So, after having taken a deep breath, you open the door swiftly and grab him by the wrist, throwing him into the hallway where he lands with a loud bang. With the same speed, you close the door and lock it immediately as well.
"If this is a fucking trap, I'll kill you," you snarl at Techno right away, who's now sitting up right and looking at his wrist, with which he must have broken the fall.
"I can't remember you being so strong. Or..." He mumbles something else under his breath, but you can't catch it. It does piss you off, though.
"I can't remember you being a fucking wimp," you respond, trying to make it obvious that he's not that welcome in the safety of your house. "But you know, people change in that decade you act as if they don't exist, so what else did you expect, asshole?" Loud sounds can be heard to announce the upcoming storm and you walk towards your window, opening the curtain a little to see the white bits of snow coming down. You'd completely forgotten about that.
Fuck.
"So, when are you planning to leave? And when did you decide that you'd look better as a pig?"
As soon as you mention this, he freezes in place, looking at you suspiciously. He presses one of the buttons in his clothing and there he goes. The illusion disappears. From human to humanoid pig. "How did you know?"
"You're not as good as you think you are. But now answer my question. When are you planning to leave? And what the fuck makes you think I would let you inside?"
"Listen, I understand that it must be hard to hide a criminal and all of that, but know that I'm thankful for your help anyway."
"Oh, I have no problem hiding a criminal, Techno. You're the problem. So, when are you going to leave? Ten minutes?"
"Ten minutes? The police are looking for me and you want to throw me out again in ten minutes?"
"What? You really think that just because you're some rich asshole you can just commit murders without consequences? Don't play the victim here, Techno, you chose this." A silence falls between the two of you for a moment and Technoblade lets out a sigh, before sitting down on the couch with his dirty clothing. "You're going to leave my house the next morning. I don't want to see you, just like you don't want to see me."
"Who says that I don't want to see you?"
"The fact that you never tried to contact me despite knowing where I live, maybe?" Technoblade remains silent, but you don't. "Oh, and what about the whole act of not being home when I came to your house, huh?"
"You're still angry at me for that?" Technoblade asks incredulously and you laugh.
"What do you mean 'still angry', Techno? Because honestly, I wasn't for a while until you just came to my house unannounced because you need help with something that you caused. And yes, I am still angry at you for that. Maybe you find it childish, but in case you didn't know, I was concerned. I was concerned about you and I thought that you hated me, but since you'd simply been ignoring me all that time, I didn't even know if you did!"
"I was going through a tough time, you can't be angry at me for needing a break from everything," Technoblade argues, but you interrupt him right away.
"I'm not angry at you for that. I'm not angry at you for mourning, or needing to cope, or hating me. I'm angry at you for not telling me and now being here as if that's the way you treat a 'friend'. I went through a tough time too. I needed a friend. And if you couldn't be there to support me, that would have been absolutely fine, but at least you should've told me." You go to one of your closets and grab a blanket out of it, throwing it at his head. "And considering that you're a murderer now, don't you dare playing the dead mom card, okay?" You grab a pillow and throw it at his head as well. "Now, just know that I won't hesitate to throw you out. You let me sleep, you let me do whatever I want to do, and I won't hear you complaining. Understood?" As Techno nods, probably unsure of what else to do, you wish him an aggressive goodnight and go upstairs, following Sherlock to your bedroom, where you lie down on the bed and just cry it all out until the sleep takes you with it.
Meanwhile, Technoblade looks at where you just left surprised. Now, to be fair, he didn't know what to expect when he showed up here, but he knew that there was somewhere where he needed to hide and you were, for whatever reason, the first one to come to mind. He had assumed that you'd be happy to see him. Or concerned of what had happened. Or maybe curious as to what he's been up to. What he never thought he would face, was the hatred towards him that you'd seemingly been suppressing all this time. He didn't even think you'd be this upset with him.
After his mother's death, Technoblade had gone through a really difficult time: one in which he didn't want to drag you. Things that he had done that he still felt bad about today, which includes ignoring you. And now, he's wondering whether or not he did good by trying to cut you out of his life, because in the end, it's not like it had worked. Not one day had he gone without thinking whether or not he had made the right decision. Not one day had he gone without wondering how you were doing. Not one day had he gone without thinking of you.
And as soon as the Syndicate was official, he had thought about maybe asking you to join as well.
His whole opinion on the way the City was working, after all, was based on you and your friends. Seeing the way you lived, and hearing the things you said, it influenced him, to say the least. And he never thought that it had influenced him as badly as it did. And even though it mostly was based on and around you, he'd never found the courage to contact you again. Not even to say hi. So, when he finally found the courage after ten years to even suggest it to the other members, he was nervous, to say the least. However, Phil and Niki both didn't think of it as a bad idea.
"Should've done this differently."
"And there your plan goes."
"No way they're going to join us now."
The voices were clear: his one chance, thrown away like it was nothing. He lets out a sigh and puts the pillow you had thrown to his head on the couch, before grabbing the blankets and lying down.
Tomorrow is another day, and maybe another chance .
The first thing you do that morning when you wake up, is call Quackity. You stand up very early this time, because you have to get Technoblade out of your house and you don't want to wait too long to do it. But you and Quackity just talk for a bit, while you're trying to desperately forget all the other weird shit that's been going on. You tell him about your new job at the Manseum, but leave out the detail that Schlatt just gave it to you because he considers you a friend. You also tell him about Jared, who you consider to be quite a lovely man to chat with. You also tell him how Jared used to be at your school, but Quackity admits that the name doesn't sound very familiar either.
"Maybe he was one of those annoying kids, you know? The ones who thought that throwing shit at kids was fun?"
"Unlikely. If that were the case, he would have probably recognized me." Another thing you don't tell Quackity about, is the humanoid pig who used to be your friend staying over at your house. You end the conversation by complaining about the weather, until Quackity suggests something.
"If you want to, you can come over to check out my work today! We're closed this afternoon today, due to the snow storm, so you can come!"
"Maybe I will," you think, wondering if that fits in your non-existent schedule, "but I can't promise anything." Quackity chuckles nevertheless, thanking you. "I have to hang up now," you say, smiling to yourself. "Sherlock has colonized my bed."
"Of course, he has," Quackity lets out with a soft chuckle, although he does sound disappointed to have to hang up. "Well, I'll see you this noon then, maybe?"
"I hope so. Talk to you later, Quack." After that, you hang up and message some of your other friends. You talk a bit with Tommy and tell him about your new job, which he seems to be jealous of. He has no idea who Jared is, though. You also messaged Sapnap, after he told you he heard from Karl that you worked at the Manseum now. He said that he'd most definitely come there, which amused you a little. Other than Quackity, Tommy and Sapnap, you also got contacted by Wilbur. You chatted with him for a bit, although he mainly seemed to be upset that you didn't actually come to visit him yesterday. However, you just told him that you had gotten a bit busy, not wanting to tell him about your new job yet.
When you hear some sounds of footsteps downstairs, you say goodbye to Wilbur and put your phone in your pockets. After giving your cat a soft kiss on its head, you walk down and find Technoblade there. The curtains are still closed and he's pacing around restlessly. His eyes are just as chaotic and you're not sure what to think of it. His agitation is only infecting you as well, and you sigh annoyedly. "What the fuck are you doing?" you snarl. Maybe it's just because you're running on five hours or sleep, or maybe you just regret allowing him inside of your home, but you're just not exactly waiting for a house guest.
Techno's eyes fly to yours, as if you just creeped into the room when he wasn't looking like some kind of a ninja. With eyes that almost seem to be shining red, he stares into yours, which just look fucking tired. There's an unexplainable anger behind those eyes, and even though you want to know where it comes from, you don't at the same time. "I'm not even allowed to walk around in your house?"
"You're walking around like my cat when he wants attention. So, now that I'm giving you that attention, you might as well stop being a bitch. What's on your mind?" Technoblade looks at you confusedly. You sit down on the armrest of your couch, tilting your head at him and he simply seems to hesitate. You're both not sure why and understanding of why not. Eventually, however, he just stops and stares right in front of himself for a bit.
"A lot is, to be honest. I mean, there's always a lot on my mind, but more than usual this time." He chuckles at his comment as if you should understand, so when you tell him that you have no idea what he's talking about with that, he looks at the ground. "Voices. I've struggled with them my entire life, but you know, it's not something you'll tell when you meet a stranger. 'Hello there, person I do not know! Did you know I have voices in my head? Well, you do now!' I don't know, I guess I just never thought of telling you. But the voices, they can get loud. Sometimes they're so loud I can't even hear my own thoughts, you know?"
"I guess I know? I don't have any voices in my head, Techno, I have no idea what to imagine this as," you admit with a nervous chuckle and he lets out a sigh.
"They're too overwhelming sometimes."
"I can imagine that." When Techno sends you a confused look, you look at him with a raised eyebrow. "What?" He simply sighs and allows a faint smile to grow on his face.
"Nothing," he says and he sits down on the couch, next to you, while you remain on the armrest. "I sleep bad. Because of them, I mean."
"Let me guess, they scream for blood and murder? And that's why you commit murders blah blah blah. You know the drill."
Techno looks at you and he closes his eyes as he hangs against the back. "No, not exactly." Confusedly, you look at him. For whatever reason, you expected that to be his excuse, even if it would have been lied. "I mean, a few of them do, sometimes it happens, but no. That's all me. Once you see the injustice in the world, you'll want to perfect it. And that's what I do now."
"You take justice into your own hands? Punish criminals because the system fails to or whatever?"
"Exactly."
As much as it was a relief to hear that he didn't use his mental(?) problem as an excuse, you are quite disappointed to hear him say this anyway. "What about you?" When those words leave your mouth, he looks at you confusedly.
"What about me?"
"Who is going to punish you? I mean, sure, you take justice into your own hands or whatever, but you're a criminal too, aren't you? What are you going to do with yourself? When all of the criminals are gone, what are you going to do with yourself?" Techno falls silent. "I mean, if you're going to hold them to the standard of not committing crimes, then you should at least hold yourself to that same standard." Techno sits up right and opens his eyes, not answering. When the silence is taking a bit too long for your liking, you stand up and cross your arms. "What? Are the voices talking to you or have you not thought about that yet?"
He chuckles as he puts his fingers against his temples, rubbing them. "I guess a bit of both."
"I think that it's safe to conclude I'm not getting an answer?"
"Nope."
"Great." You sigh and put your hands in your pockets, looking away from him. "So, what are they saying right now?"
"You don't want to know."
"What? Think I can't handle it?"
"I know you can't."
"I've had to deal with Tommy. I'm convinced that there isn't a thing I can't deal with." You make this joke with a grin on your face, but Techno can't mirror this. Instead, he looks up at you with shocked eyes.
"Tommy?"
"I don't understand why you never introduced me to your brothers. Tommy's a good kid and Wilbur is... well, Wilbur. Both are fun to be around, but especially Tommy is. Because it's Tommy. And he's fucking hilarious."
"How are they?" Something in his eyes told you that he already knew. But you answer anyway.
"I don't know, Techno. Why don't you ask them yourself?"
"You want me to just show up there unannounced like 'hello my dear brothers, long time no see, how are you doing?'. That's literally the worst idea ever."
"You sure? Because it sounds extremely familiar to something that happened very recently. What can it be?"
"Y/N, you don't understand. My relationship with them is a lot more complicated than ours is. Or was. Or whatever. My point is that I can't just do that to them."
"So, what? You just want to sit back and wait until you die or they die?"
"Technoblade never dies."
"Neither does Phukkit," you mumble, but you know that that's not something he's going to understand. "But anyway, did you not keep an eye on your brothers while you were hiding in the shadows doing murder-work?" Technoblade startles a little by your words, and he looks at you with an emotion in his eyes that you don't recognize.
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh please. You're going to tell me that kid back at the Karaoke wasn't one of yours? Or do I have to mention the fact that Hippocock knew I was a friend of Wilbur's? And, of course, not only the fact that you knew where I lived, but also the fact that you stood at my front door not long after I came home."
"Ranboo."
"Ranboo? Isn't that Tubbo's friend?"
Techno makes eye contact with you and it's a lot more intense this time, as he almost looks at you with wonder. "How long have you known?"
"Not that long. I guess that as soon as you showed up, it all just kind of clicked." Technoblade looks away from you, probably trying to collect his thoughts as you simply raise your eyebrow. "You seem surprised."
"I guess that from all people, you weren't the one I thought would ever figure it out."
"Well, that's on you for underestimating me then." Your eyes travel to the clock and after that to the curtains in front of the window. You open them to look at your backyard. The snow has fallen, but it doesn't seem like the worst has come yet. It's safe to just go outside at least. Techno stands up from his place and you grab your winter coat, along with some gloves and a winter hat. Your old friend looks at you confusedly.
"You're just going to go outside after this? You haven't even eaten breakfast yet?"
"I know," you shrug, "but the weather is unpredictable and I want to enjoy the snow now I can. You can come as well, just make sure you don't get any blood on the snow. I don't want anyone to think someone had their period in my backyard." Your comments throws him off-guard, but you go outside, so he doesn't hesitate to follow you.
"At least, it seems like you've forgiven me?" he tries saying, but you laugh.
"I'm still hurt, but you know, it's been a while, and I don't feel like holding grudges. It's been long enough. And as long as you don't kill me or anyone I care about, I think we'll be just fine. We have a lot to catch up on, Piggy Boy." When you use that nickname, Technoblade feels his entire face heat up, but thankfully, it's not visible. However, as payback for that, he grabs some of the snow in his bare hands and makes a snowball. When you see this, your grin only grows. "Oh, I see what we're doing. Some old-fashioned snow-ball fight, ey?" As some more snowflakes start falling down from the sky, Technoblade throws the snowball in his hand. Lucky for you, though, you're quicker at dodging.
"What? Scared it'll hurt ya?" he laughs and you force a scoff.
"Typical Piggy Boy. Immediately goes over to violence when he gets angry." You have come to the point that you yourself make a snowball and throw it at him, while he's still making a new one and it hits him on the side of the head. Not hard, but it still is a victory for you. So, as you cheer, Techno laughs. It's a quiet and threatening laugh, but nothing you can't handle.
"You think that was all I got? You haven't seen half of what I can do yet." And thus, he throws a snowball right into your face. And god, is it cold.
"How the fuck was it not freezing for you?!" you scream incredulously. "I threw it right at your face as well!"
"Look at my skin, Y/N. It's a lot thicker than yours is." But, while he's bragging, you manage to throw yet another one at his face, interrupting him. Suddenly, both of you have all forgotten about your problems. About your past with each other. You're just two friends having fun in the snow.
I wish Sally was here.
And right as that thought hits you, all your positive feelings are just drained out of you and a snowball hits you right in the head again, causing you to fall over on your back. Thankfully, the snow is soft and it doesn't hurt too much. But when you still lie down in the white of the winter, Techno panics for a moment.
"Y/N? Are you okay?"
"Physically yeah," you respond, looking at the snowflakes falling down, on your face. Your spread your legs and arms, making a snow angel before stopping and sighing. "I don't know I just thought of something I didn't want to think of." Technoblade comes towards you and lies down next to you, looking at your face as you continue staring at the clouds.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks carefully, but you shake your head. "Is there anything I can do?" The uncertainty is evident in his voice, yet he doesn't try too hard to cover it up. And still, all you can do, is shake your head again.
"I'll survive, don't worry. I just have to get through it." For a bit longer, the two of you stay there, like two angels in the snow. There are so many words in so much silence, even though neither of you know what they mean. Cryptic. They're like codes that cannot be deciphered, for they have no real meaning behind them. And at the same time, there's so much.
It's just confusing.
After a bit of lying there, Technoblade is the one to suggest going inside again. "You're shivering. And you haven't eaten yet. What about I make some breakfast?"
"Are you going to feed me blood?" you jokingly ask, but he just lets out a sigh.
"I thought you were better than this," he responds light-heartedly and you sit up right, taking his hand that he's holding out for you.
"Shut up and make me food, Piggy Boy. Or else I'm eating bacon tonight."