Summer is unfortunately the busiest time for me for work but I had a little free time and missed Kai and John. I hope you enjoy the update!
Happy Reading!
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Surprisingly it took less than an hour from the moment the Ancients took control of Atlantis for General O'Neill and Mr. Woolsey to step through the Gate. The IOA made an uncharacteristically rapid decision that the two of them would represent earth's interests in negotiations with the returning Ancients.
It was made immediately clear anyone who had been residing on Atlantis was not welcome in the meeting. Mr. Woolsey, General O'Neill, Helia and a very smug looking Taurus closed the door to the conference room, blocking the rest of them from following.
Elizabeth and Teyla still seemed to be in shock, but McKay and Sheppard had spend enough time with the Ancients on the flight back to Atlantis to not be surprised by their hostile take over. Kai excused herself early on, wanting to continue to keep as much distance between herself and the new Ancients as possible, she headed down to the lab to catch up with Zelenka.
"You should be in there," McKay grumbled pacing around Elizabeth's office.
Through Elizabeth's windows they could watch O'Neill and Woolsey speaking with Helia, but unless one of them learned to read lips they were left in the dark about the nature of the meeting. Elizabeth shrugged, half wishing she had thought to ask Kai to stay and wondering if her hearing would have been good enough to permeate the conference room's doors. "I don't know what I could say at this point that would make any difference. Helia's intentions were clear from the moment she set foot on Atlantis."
"You're right," John agreed, leaning back in the chair with his feet up on Elizabeth's desk giving the illusion of relaxation when in reality his body was wound tightly in preparation for the upcoming fight. "They want us out of here," he said bitterly. As much as he hated it, he had accepted the fact that the Ancients' return wasn't all it was cracked up to be on the flight back to Atlantis, although he hadn't expected this kind of hostility.
John was grouchy not just because of the ancients, but also because he had barely seen Kai over the last nine days. They had worked to avoid being seen alone together, not wanting to generate any suspicion from Caldwell, especially after the way the meeting had gone on earth. As much as John chafed at authority, he knew when he was in danger of crossing the line. A report from Caldwell so soon after Elizabeth's might not just affect him, but could also jeopardize Kai's place here, and that was something he would never risk.
"But why?" McKay groused, dropping down into the chair beside Sheppard. "There are maybe a hundred of them or so? They could use us, they might even need us."
John arched a brow. "What if you were forced from your home by war, only to return to find someone on your couch, eating your Cheetos, watching your TV?" He challenged.
McKay cleared his throat. "I'd be fine with that," he said unconvincingly.
"No you wouldn't," Sheppard countered.
O'Neill and Woolsey came out of the meeting room. Sheppard shot to his feet. "How go the talks, sir?" He asked as the two men entered Elizabeth's office. Over their shoulder the Ancients disappeared into the control room.
"No talks, listening is what we did," General O'Neill said and it was clear by his tone he was less than impressed with how it went.
"It was essentially a transitional meeting," Mr. Woolsey explained. "They needed to know how much time we need to vacate the city."
They all froze in shock. This was really happening. They had lost Atlantis. It was over.
O'Neill fidgeted with his tie. "I said forty-eight hours, unless you need more?" He promoted, arching a brow that suggested they had better not need more time.
Elizabeth shook her head. "No, that should be enough," she said hollowly.
"That's it? We're just going to take this lying down?" McKay challenged. "We rescued them!" He sputtered indignantly.
John's whole body was locked down as his mind raced. They were leaving. There was nothing they could do. They were being forced to vacate Atlantis. The only place he had ever thought of as a home and he had to give it up. He couldn't remember ever feeling this helpless.
It was over.
"And they are immensely grateful," Woolsey soothed. "From their point of view Doctor McKay, they're being extremely generous. Keep in mind that when they left Atlantis, we were basically a hunter-gatherer species."
"Well, did you remind them if we hadn't hunted and gathered them out of the void between galaxies they would still be stuck there," McKay challenged angrily.
"We should have left them out there," John muttered slowly as he shook his head in disbelief. This couldn't be happening. Forty-eight hours until they had to leave. His eyes ran over the control room and the gate room below. So much blood had been spilt to preserve this place. Their home.
"I know you feel as though you are losing the city-" Woolsey started to say and John's eyes snapped up to meet his, rage burning in their hazel depths. Woolsey hesitated, swallowing nervously.
Elizabeth quickly stepped forward. "This is about more than losing the city Richard. I mean, this is about losing an opportunity to talk with and learn from living, breathing ancients."
Woolsey glanced at Colonel Sheppard but whatever rage he had seen in the other man's eyes was under control now. He had always considered himself an excellent judge of character and he had never once considered Colonel John Sheppard to be a man of short temper. Tensions were high, he supposed. He licked his lips and continued. "They are willing, over time, to let us back in the city. Just not right now. That way, we get all the benefits of Atlantis with very little of the risk and expense."
"Yeah, it's not like we don't have our own Galaxy to worry about," O'Neill told them, he glanced towards Sheppard. "Colonel?"
Sheppard lifted his gaze to meet O'Neill's. His jaw felt like granite as he gritted his teeth to keep his emotions in check. Somewhere he knew he was dumping all over Kai. He needed to get himself together and reassure her but he couldn't just yet.
"I'd like you to supervise the withdrawal," O'Neill commanded.
John shifted uncomfortably but nodded. "Yes, sir," he agreed after a moment.
There was a long pause where everyone stood frozen, unwilling or incapable of making the first move to make this a reality.
"Go ahead children," O'Neill said gesturing towards the door and John and McKay headed out of Elizabeth's office.
Once they were a ways down the corridor John turned to McKay. "I want you to round up all the science folks and have them start packing up the labs."
McKay nodded distractedly.
"And make sure you don't take anything that we aren't supposed to be taking," John added as an afterthought. Just his luck, McKay would start an intergalactic incident over some ancient screwdriver or something.
Rodney huffed indignantly at the implication, but moved off with a nod. He stopped after a few feet and turned back to face Sheppard. "John," he said after a moment.
John hesitated and turned back to McKay. He frowned at the unusually serious expression on his friend's face.
"Before I make my announcement..." Rodney dragged off and he took a deep breath, determined to just come out and say it. "She should hear it from you."
John sucked in a breath and actual pain slammed into his chest. This was the piece he had been holding back from, the piece of this whole scenario he had been gritting his teeth and avoiding. Kai.
And while he had been avoiding it, his friend had been thinking of him. Rodney really was a good friend.
"Yeah, you're right," he agreed. "Thanks Rodney." Somehow Rodney's words made it all that much more real.
It was over.
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Kai had been drowning in John's emotions for the last hour. It was unlike him to let so much through the Bond. He rarely lost control to that extent. She had been feeling his low level anxiety since she left him in the control room hours before. It had been distracting, like a buzzing along her skin, making it difficult to work. But when his rage had hit her she had nearly doubled over at the depth of it. Had she not known to the depth of her soul that he was safe, she would have gone to find him. There were only so many things she could think of that could cause John of all people to lose his temper.
So she had left the lab, knowing she wouldn't get any more work done. The whole city had been abuzz with rumors. Most assumed the Ancients wanted them to leave. With them taking control of the city there was little any of them could do but wait. Kai headed out to the east pier where she waited for him to come find her.
It wasn't long after his rage burned off that she felt a flash of pain followed by a deep, hollow resignation. The Bond didn't allow for mind reading, but knowing the context of their day, it wasn't hard to assume the worst. By the time John got to her he was all but numb.
Kai closed her eyes against the knowledge that burned through her over and over again. She closed her eyes against the pain, pushing down every piece of emotion as she had been trained to do. She wouldn't make him say it. She could give him that much at least.
"When do you leave?" Kai asked after a moment. She could hear John's heart thundering in his chest as he stood silently five feet behind her.
John opened his mouth but he didn't know what to say. The words tasted like ash in his mouth. John felt like the distance between them was somehow even more vast than the few feet that separated them, like the distance between two galaxies.
Kai sat on the edge of the pier with her legs hanging off. Her scarf hung loosely around her neck and the wind blew the winding tendrils of her long hair back away from her face as she watched the ocean. She was so beautiful to him. He was desperate to memorize every inch of her face as though somehow this was the last time he would see her. It wasn't true, but this was the last time, the last moment she would be his. He never wanted to forget it.
"We have forty-eight hours to clear out," he replied his voice hoarse. John pinched his eyes closed against the pain he could feel from her through the Bond. She didn't deserve this.
Kai swallowed, keeping her eyes locked into the roiling waves of the ocean below. "That's not a lot of time," she observed emotionlessly, although she knew he could feel her emotions through the bond she attempted to spare him having to deal with them. She wouldn't make this any harder on either of them.
"I have orders to return to earth," he said hollowly.
Kai nodded stiffly. She could feel the twist of his anguish through the bond and she wished she could cut herself off from it. That she could close her side so he wouldn't know how deeply his words hurt.
"Kai," he said after a moment. He rubbed at the pain in his chest knowing it wasn't his. "You could come with us."
Kai turned to face him sharply. Her grey eyes glittering although her face gave away nothing. "I don't belong on earth," she told him.
Their recent visit had cemented that truth in her mind. She didn't belong in his world. Humans, even the human military were not open minded enough for them to accept someone like her among them. Just as she had found when first arriving on Atlantis, she was too intense, too much. She hadn't found a way past what they had made her.
If she went to earth she would cause John nothing but grief. In the brief time they had been there he had nearly yelled at a superior and would no doubt have gone to her defense to stop the men who wanted to study her. No, she couldn't allow that to happen. She had felt how homesick he was when they arrived and how much it surprised him. John's place was earth and she wouldn't stand in the way of his happiness. She couldn't be that selfish, not with him.
Kai could taste the words she wanted to say. She wanted to ask him to stay with her. But she knew she couldn't. He was the Colonel. He always had been and had never pretended or desired to be otherwise. She knew many of his past relationships had failed when his partners had tried to change him. But you couldn't separate John from The Colonel, just as she could never stop being a Mortii. To ask him to stay, would be to ask him to give up who he was and all he had worked for, she could never do that to him. She wouldn't be like them.
John stared into her eyes, his brow wrinkled with a frown as he fought to sort out all he was getting from her through the bond. At first it had almost been too much information. Now, it was like her emotions were slowly fading under the weight of her resolve. Kai had decided something and she wasn't happy.
His desperation to fix this choked him. Somehow he had screwed this up too. It had taken so long for Kai to trust him. She allowed herself to be vulnerable with him alone, and this was how he repaid her trust.
"I expect you have a lot of packing," Kai said stiffly. She raised her chin and met his gaze with cool grey eyes. She stepped around him and strode away back towards the building. John felt a hole open between them like a great chasm.
It was over.
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John stared down at the two cases he had filled with his things. It didn't seem like it should be enough. Atlantis was the most at home he had ever felt on an assignment and somehow it all still managed to fit in two packing crates. Unlike any other assignment, he was leaving something far more important behind.
He was oscillating between feeling defeated and enraged. He had failed and no matter how hard he worked the problem he couldn't figure out how to keep Kai with him. She didn't want to come to earth. He never should have asked. He had felt her unease while they had been there. It was stupid and selfish of him to have made her turn him down. But he never would have forgiven himself for not asking.
His door slid open and Ronon and Teyla stepped into the room. He glanced up, half hoping Kai would be with them, but it was a foolish hope. He had hurt her. Not intentionally, but Kai was too proud to mope around. He was betting she was working with Zelenka to get the labs packed up.
"Hey," Sheppard greeted half heartedly. "You guys all packed up yet?"
Ronon shrugged. "I don't really have that much stuff."
"Right," John said with a nod.
"Most of my belongings are already with my people," Teyla said.
John frowned and pulled himself from his thoughts. "How's that going? Are the Ancients allowing the Athosians to stay on the mainland?"
Teyla cleared her throat delicately. "They have found a suitable planet for us to relocate to, one with our own stargate...it was not the homecoming of the Ancestors my people envisioned," Teyla admitted, her frustration evident in her voice.
John nodded awkwardly. "You guys want any of this stuff?" he asked gesturing to the pile of items he didn't plan on shipping back to earth. "Johnny Cash poster, Skateboard, suduko book?"
They just shook their heads.
John sighed. He walked across his bed and dropped down to sit beside his friends. He wasn't very good at this type of thing, and he had already screwed up with Kia. "You know you guys are welcome to come back with us right?"
Teyla smiled gently and crossed her arms over her chest. "My place is with my people."
"And I can't leave this galaxy until every last Wraith is dead," Ronon said grimly.
John nodded in understanding. "Well, I just had to say it out loud."
"You too should know that we would be honored if you decided to stay with us, John," Teyla told him.
"Yeah well, I think the Air Force has got other plans for me," John said wryly as he fought to keep the bitterness out of his voice. It wasn't enough to fool his friends.
"We also just had to say it out loud," Teyla said with a smile.
"Right," John agreed fidgeting with his hands.
"What about Kai?" Teyla asked after a moment. "Will she be returning to Earth with you?" She asked gently. The Colonels fowl mood suggested no, but Teyla felt the need to ask anyway.
"No," John said looking down at his hands. "She decided to stay too."
Ronon grunted but Teyla laid a soothing hand on John's arm. "I'm sorry Colonel."
"Well, this sucks," John muttered after a moment. He didn't like discussing his emotions and he couldn't go down this path about Kai. He needed to keep moving. "Look, I'm not good at goodbyes..."
Teyla smiled gently. "Our paths will cross again John Sheppard. Of that I am sure."
John nodded. "Well, before they uncross, any chance you'd give me a hand with these boxes? I'll throw in some beer and pizza and-"
"Popcorn?" Teyla asked hopfully.
"And popcorn," John teased.
Ronon grabbed him up in a hug, swinging him around. They all laughed but it was a bitter thing, twisting in his gut like broken glass.
It was over.
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John checked over his notes. He only had one more team member to check in with before heading down to the science labs. If he was honest he had been avoiding them. He couldn't bring himself to face the reality of saying goodbye. So instead he went to Elizabeth's quarters.
"Colonel," she greeted as the door slid open.
"Doctor," he said in response, surprised by Elizabeth's formality.
"Come in," she said stepping back so she could continue to work on packing while they spoke.
"Well, we are way ahead of schedule, ready to head out at Oh-eight hundred. Daedalus will take most of the gear. People and their odds and ends will make their way through the stargate thanks to the Ancients' new ZPM."
"Good, I guess," Elizabeth said. She glanced back at Sheppard. "You seem to be taking this rather well considering..."
John arched a brow. "Actually, I'm pissed. For one thing I'm a quarter of the way through War and Peace. Plus..."
"Kai," Elizabeth filled in.
John grunted. He didn't like that everyone seemed to have an opinion regarding his and Kai's relationship but he couldn't hide it from Elizabeth.
"I can't imagine how you must feel, she won't come with?" Elizabeth asked.
John's jaw tightened. "She doesn't belong on earth." His tone effectively ended the conversation.
Elizabeth wisely followed his cue and turned back to her packing. "I can't imagine what I could possibly do for a living now," Elizabeth said changing the subject.
"Every government in the world is going to offer you a job," John said.
"Yeah, but not like this," she said gesturing to the tower around them.
"Yeah," John agreed. "You're right. It's all downhill from here. You peaked."
Elizabeth smiled sadly.
"Life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death," John had been muttering the mantra to himself all evening, but it seemed appropriate now.
"Oscar Wilde?" Elizabeth guessed.
"Princess Bride."
"Ah," Elizabeth said with a nod. "Well, for what it's worth. I am sorry John, you seemed to make each other very happy."
John shifted his weight uncomfortably. "You gonna be ready to head out at Oh-eight hundred?" He asked steering the subject firmly away from Kai once more.
"Yeah, yeah I should be," Elizabeth said glancing back at her crates. "You?" she asked.
"I'm already packed. Just have one hundred or two hundred more things to do. I'll see you at the gate," he said and he turned around and left before Elizabeth tried to talk to him any more.
By the time he got down to the labs to check in with the science teams only Rodeny and Zelenka remained. He couldn't decide if he was relieved or frustrated to have missed her. He had been all over Atlantis all day and it felt like she was avoiding him. Though if he was honest maybe he had been avoiding her too.
"Colonel?" Zelenka's thickly accented voice cut into his thoughts.
John glanced up sharply at the small Czech scientist. "Did you say something?"
Zelenka smiled gently and it felt a little too much like pity for John's taste. "I was simply telling you I sent the remainder of my team to their quarters to pack and prepare for the early departure. Everyone is in their private quarters."
John caught his meaning immediately and nodded. The Bond had been quiet all evening. He hadn't felt so much as an errant flash of frustration from Kai. She was in total lockdown and calm as can be.
"That's good. Everyone is looking out for themselves," John said and he turned around and exited the lab. "That's good," he almost believed it.
It was over.
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John didn't sleep that night. Instead, he was still working and moving right up until 0800 when all of the teams congregated in the gate room for their final trip to earth. John stood by while all the others crossed the event horizon. It took almost the full thirty-six minutes.
"Rodney," Elizabeth called. They only had a few more minutes before they would have to dial again. There was no point in delaying it any longer.
Ronon, Teyla and Kai stood in front of Weir, Sheppard, McKay and Beckett as they waited to leave.
Kai stood slightly back from the others, her face a blank mask of emotion. Mortii didn't say goodbye. They all knew that any mission could be there last, that any training session could go badly, they just assumed every meeting was likely to be the last. Therefore, Kai was unprepared for the emotions threatening to choke her.
"You have been good friends to all the people of this galaxy," Teyla said with a warm smile and she stepped forward and hugged each of them in turn. "Farwell my friends," she said with a small bow.
Ronon nodded his goodbyes, but looked uncomfortable at the whole production.
The other's nodded and turned to go, pointedly leaving John and Kai staring at one another. John held her gaze as he tried to memorize her face. It was late to realize he didn't even have a picture of her. He didn't want to leave her behind.
He stepped towards her and tipped his head down, pressing his forehead against hers. Kai's whole body stiffened as she fought the burning in her eyes as her throat threatened to close. There was a hard bump in the back of her mind and Kai barely managed to choke back the sob.
"Colonel you have one minute," The Ancients in the control room informed him.
John stepped back and cast Kai one last sad smile before he stepped across the event horizon.
"Goodbye," Kai whispered as John left.
It was over.
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The gate room was already clear when John stepped through back on earth. All but Colonel O'Neill who was loitering near the base of the ramp.
"Colonel Sheppard," O'Neill greeted. He glanced over his shoulder but no one else came through the gate. The wormhole closed and a frown crossed O'Neill's face.
"Don't have to worry about that conversation you wanted to have, sir. It's a non-issue," Sheppard said with a sharp nod and he moved out of the gate room to debrief.
Undeterred by Sheppard's brush off O'Neill fell into step beside him. "You know, I met a woman once on another planet, got stranded and thought I was going to live out my life there."
Sheppard's jaw tightened. He didn't want to talk about this. The hole in his chest where the Bond should have been ached and he just wanted to try and get some sleep.
"But they came and brought me home," O'Neill said.
Sheppard glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "And you left her behind," Sheppard said after a moment.
O'Neill nodded once. "I left her behind," he confirmed. "One of the hardest things I've ever done," he confessed.
"Well, it's over now sir," Sheppard told him. "Hardest things I've ever done," he muttered as he walked away from the star gate without looking back.
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Wow, okay, that was a hard one to write. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Well, maybe enjoyed isn't the right word. It was hard to write the break up of a couple I love. John and Kai will be back! In the mean time would love to hear what you thought of it!