Wooyoung's heart stopped for a second.
How could he know?!
Maybe he doesn't...?
"San...what are you talking about?"
"You don't know what I'm talking about?"
Wooyoung shook his head. "No...I really don't..."
San chuckled bitterly. "You can't pretend to be my Wooyoung anymore, please stop it."
It was easy to notice how the blind boy started panicking, his breathing heavy and his eyes filling with tears.
"I-I didn't..."
"You didn't?"
"No!"
"I really believed you at first...when I hugged you the first time after you told me...you pat my back...my Wooyoung hated that gesture...when you ate cucumbers at the dinner table with no problem...when you hated the smell of the perfume that he loved most...when we kissed..." San choked on the last part. "You don't chew your lips like him, you don't sleep like him, you don't love me like him!!"
At this point, Wooyoung started crying too, unable to defend himself.
"I told myself countless times that it's all because of your memory loss." San gritted his teeth, stepping closer to the other. "But don't you think it's weird that you could only remember my face when you touched it? Not our favorite music when I played it for you, not our first date, not your mother, not even the necklace?!"
"Stop it!!" Wooyoung sobbed. "I had to! You were suffering, I did it for you!"
"For me?! How was lying to me gonna help?! I'm losing you too now I'm gonna relive everything!"
"I'm sorry..." Wooyoung found a wall to lean against. "I just...I just needed to feel like I belong somewhere...like I'm someone..."
San shook his head. "That was very selfish of you...you knew how hurt I'd be when I find out..."
"I did...I know it's selfish...but it was gonna make you happy too!"
San buried his face into hands. "It did...but what's the point..." he wiped his tears. "This hurt me way more..."
"I'm sorry..." Wooyoung reached his hand out to try and find the other, but heard him step back.
"Get out of my house."
"S-San, please..."
"Leave!"
Wooyoung didn't care about having a place to sleep as much as he cared about how hurt San was, and that he'll never meet him again.
As he successfully reached the door, he stopped to say a few words. "Thank you...for everything..."
After that, he walked out and made his way to the stairs, which he fell down the last few, but he was fine.
Physically at least.
He walked aimlessly, not caring where he would end up, as long as it kept him away from San.
Meanwhile, San was completely breaking down on the floor.
His deep wound was opened, stabbed and clumsily sewn back up.
It was way more pain than he thought he could handle.
He couldn't even stand up or move at all.
Time became nothing.
Hours passed like seconds.
And the sun rose so soon, filling the apartment with its cheerful rays.
But there laid San in the hallway, staring at the necklace with red puffy eyes and scarily dark circle.
The only good thing about morning coming, is that he could finally go out.
Out to only one place he loved, but hated at the same time.
Where the remains of his lover's missing body was buried.
His blood covered shirt and belongings.
He knelt down and planted another red rose while shaking in tears.
"Why...why..." he sobbed his heart out, his fingers digging into the dirt as they clenched. "Why did you have to leave...do you see what happened to me..." he hiccuped. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for mistaking someone else as you...I'm a horrible boyfriend, I'm so sorry..."
San smiled through his tears. "But...he looks exactly like you...you can't blame me, right? He could have been you..." he sniffled. "Wouldn't it have been so magical if he was you?"
He sighed heavily and looked up at the sky. "I love you so much...I will never love anyone like I love you..."
He then dragged himself home, back to his dark bedroom to hide under his blanket.
It was a very tough time.
He always wondered if he'll ever feel even just a little better.
If he'll ever heal.
As San was lost in his thoughts, which were mostly about Wooyoung -his real boyfriend- he thought about one time when they were sitting in a park, gently and slowly swinging next to each other.
{Flashback}
"Hey Sannie..."
"Hm?"
"Can you promise me something?"
San smiled a little. "Of course."
"If something ever happens to me...promise me you'll move on and live a normal life..."
San's smile fell and turned into a frown. "What are you saying...?"
Wooyoung sighed heavily. "After my mom passed away...my dad lived in absolute misery until he passed away too...he died still grieving..." he then looked down at his feet. "When a loved one dies, we either choose to live a good life and hold their precious memories, or we choose to live in grief for the rest of our lives...and that way we never heal..."
San reached to hold his lover's hand. "Nothing will happen to you...I'll never allow it."
Wooyoung smiled at him. "Please promise me."
"Woo-"
"Please San...I want you to be happy no matter what..."
San sighed. "I promise you."
{end of flashback}
It clicked to San.
He's broken his promise long ago.
It's been over a year and he's still grieving like it was yesterday.
He never let himself be happy.
He never even allowed himself to be happy.
He was doing exactly what Wooyoung warned him not to do.
It made him feel more guilty.
But it awakened him.
To just let go.
.
.
.
.
"Roses...buy roses for your lover..."
The blind nameless boy was back on the bridge selling half dead roses again.
But this time, he was very heartbroken.
He lost everything he thought he found in just a second.
And so...he was very careless now.
If a speeding car passed while he was on the street, or if a group of rebellious kids wanted to attack him.
It didn't matter.
His defense mode that was always on is now completely off.
But he still never changed where he goes.
Not even heavy rains or the thunderstorms he so hated made him move from his old spot on the bridge.
Because...maybe there's still hope...
******************
A/N: I think this is an extra sad chapter, right?